Chapter Text
The chair is so old it squeaks as Namjoon takes a seat, it does that so often he doesn’t flinch at the sound anymore, the table is a bit wobbly as well but by now he knows just the right spot for his bowl so that it doesn’t spill. Everything here is so very different from the apartment that he shared with Yoongi back in Seoul, but he’s been around enough to start getting used to it.
He munches on his cereal and plucks his phone from the table, slides over the notifications for messages though he’s not particularly keen on answering any of them right now; checking his phone while he’s eating is just an old habit he can’t kick.
None of them seem that important: someone sent a meme to one of the group chats he’s in, it must be funny because the others are actually reacting to it. There’s the usual message from his mom asking for updates, some from Yoongi probably to complain about his new room mate, and an email from one of his teachers.
He answers his mom and sends a sad face emoji to Yoongi, before locking his phone again.
yoongi is lying i’ve never done anything wrong ever in my life
He receives this new message when he’s already finished with his cereal, it’s from Seokjin.
Namjoon chuckles as he takes his phone to answer him
i know
Back when Namjoon found out he would have to take a semester abroad and he needed to find someone to move in with Yoongi and take his place as roommate, Seokjin had presented as the obvious choice; he was the only one in his group of friends who still lived in a tiny uncomfortable dorm in campus.
Namjoon knows Seokjin is a good roommate, he’s clean and quiet, and Yoongi only complains about him because that’s his own weird way of letting Namjoon know he misses him, without actually saying it.
He wouldn’t hold it against him, he misses Yoongi too. He misses everyone, he was really excited about going to a country he’d never been before and he loved the idea of having a whole dorm room to himself, but he’s only been in London for a month and he already gets rushes of nostalgia when he thinks of all his friends back in Seoul.
He keeps in touch with all of them through texts and calls, but it’s still not the same as being there; he wonders how many times has Hoseok fallen asleep during class now that he’s not around to nudge him awake, he doesn’t know how Jungkook is dealing with that calculus class that he had so many issues with, he hasn’t been cycling with Jimin or accompanied Taehyung to that coffee shop he likes.
In that longing spirit, Namjoon sends another text to Seokjin
what are you up to?
i’m with Jimin
It’s not weird that they’re hanging out on a saturday night, the three youngest tend to follow Seokjin around like ducklings that accidentally imprinted on him. Namjoon had expected them to be playing video games on Jimin’s dorm or going out to have dinner together, until Seokjin sends him a couple more texts talking about a club and complaining about how expensive the drinks are.
if you knew how much i just paid for a mojito
Namjoon laughs, he answers with a laughing crying emoji, he can almost see Seokjin roll his eyes at that.
“You’re the only person who uses that emoji unironically” He used to tell him, but Seokjin’s obvious distaste had only made Namjoon use it even more often.
Instead of complaining about his emoji choices, Seokjin asks him
what are you doing?
Namjoon doesn’t have much to say, he slept in because it’s a Saturday and he barely had enough milk left for the cereal he just had for breakfast. He needs to go grocery shopping later, maybe he’ll take a walk through campus too but it’s all very boring if compared to the kind of night that Seokjin must be having.
He shouldn’t even be distracting Seokjin right now, when he’s out having fun with his friends; he doesn’t get many nights off, constantly busy with school and a part time job and he should be having fun instead of entertaining Namjoon.
nothing much, i should do some grocery shopping i just ran out of milk
tell jimin i said hi, have fun!
--
Seokjin pouts at his overpriced mojito.
Namjoon wasn’t rude, he could never be anything but nice, but the way he suddenly cut off Seokjin makes him sad anyway. He misses Namjoon a lot and they don’t get to talk much lately; there’s a nine hour difference between London and Seoul, which makes it hard and really awkward to keep up with each other’s schedules.
Seokjin feels a yearning that is not unusual, it wasn’t unusual when Namjoon was still in Seoul either; he just seemed to want Namjoon to be much closer all the time, and now he is so incredibly far away.
He almost convinced himself to confess to Namjoon a couple of times fueled by panic after he announced that he was leaving, but he never found the right moment and, as the day of his departure approached it became way too complicated. Seokjin didn't want to run through an airport and scream at Namjoon that he loved him, he only wanted to ask him out on a date.
So Seokjin just let Namjoon leave to London, and now he was trying really hard to pretend it didn't hurt.
He feels Jimin elbow him on the ribs, but he doesn't acknowledge him until he does it a second time.
“Put down that phone now” Jimin tells him.
“Namjoon says hi”
Jimin looks sternly at Seokjin until he pockets his phone, but he adores and misses Namjoon so much he can't help it when he asks “How is he doing?”
“He's fine, he's getting ready for the date he has with Emma Watson later”
Obviously, it's only a joke but Jimin frowns instead of laughing like he often does at Seokjin jokes.
“What?” he asks, taken by surprise. He doesn't know what it was that he said that was so wrong that Jimin looks this annoyed.
“Don't do that” Jimin says, but that explains nothing so Seokjin insists.
“Don't do what?”
“I know about Namjoon” Jimin blurts out, his face shifts from annoyance into something more serious and a little bit apologetic “I know that you like him or whatever, you're trying to cover it up with jokes, don't do that”
Seokjin can't say anything for a couple of minutes but not for lack of trying, he keeps opening his mouth and closing again but no words come out, rightfully shocked. He was so sure he had kept this one secret, possibly his most important one, safely hidden from everyone, but Jimin knows.
“I don't” He tries to save face but he's taken too long to speak.
Jimin pats him in the shoulder when Seokjin turns his eyes down into his mojito again “It's alright” he says, but Seokjin surely doesn't feel like it.
He feels like an idiot; apparently he had been too obviously pining after Namjoon that Jimin figured out, maybe somebody else figured it out as well. Not Jungkook though, if Jungkook knew Seokjin would never hear the end of it.
“I was hoping you'd tell me yourself” Jimin says and suddenly it makes a lot of sense that Jimin had asked him to meet so many times in the library, coffee shop and for lunch runs in the past month.
“No one was supposed to find out” Seokjin says through a pout, his ears are flushed red, Jimin can tell he's embarrassed.
“You looked too sad when Namjoon told us he was leaving” Jimin explains, with a little shrug.
It hadn't been obvious, Jimin had just been looking at the right moment; Namjoon told everyone over dinner and they had been quick to congratulate him, except Seokjin had taken half a second longer to put a happy face over the hopelessness that he had suddenly started feeling. Jimin noticed, and he couldn't help his curiosity the next weeks, before Namjoon left, making him turn to look at Jin in case he had another slip.
“Did you ever try to tell him?”
“I don't think it would've made any difference” Seokjin sounds so sad, Jimin almost wishes he'd go back to making jokes “I don't think he…”
He doesn't finish that, but Jimin knows what he was trying to say. He puts his arm around Seokjin's shoulders and squeezes gently, and comforting; he wasn't trying to make Seokjin sad, but everyone misses Namjoon, and he's probably having a harder time with that. Jimin wants to be supportive, but he needed Seokjin to be honest with him first
“Do you want to go home?” he asks Seokjin then, it's been enough confessions for today and they really don't fit with the atmosphere of the club anymore.
Seokjin nods his head, but he is barely putting his jacket on when somebody taps his shoulder.
“I'm sorry to bother”
He has a soft voice, that's why Seokjin doesn't ignore him; he turns around and is met with a handsome face. He introduces himself as Sandeul and apologizes to Seokjin because apparently, he had been looking at him for a while and now he wants to ask him for his number, says he'd regret it greatly if he didn't.
Seokjin is half dazed, and still a little sad so he takes the leap of faith and gives Sandeul his number.
Namjoon is gone anyway, it was Seokjin himself who let him leave now maybe, he could also move on.
--
wish me luck
Seokjin sends this message to the group chat and signs it with a peace sign emoji, Namjoon gets a bitter taste in his mouth.
He knows he shouldn’t be paying attention, he could’ve silenced the chat, he could be working on the homework he still has due.
Instead Namjoon reads every reply his friends send Seokjin; Jimin wishes him good luck and follows it with about fifteen exclamation marks and an assortment of emojis, Taehyung sends another batch of encouraging emojis right after, even Jungkook, who usually wouldn’t even open the group chat sends a very suggestive eggplant emoji and a winky face.
It hurts Namjoon like a dagger in his back, though he knows his friends aren't trying to hurt him; they just don't know.
Namjoon never told any of friends.
He remembers walking that one evening into the apartment he shared with Yoongi and finding their tiny dinner table a clutter of books and laptops, his roommate sat in front of it but he wasn't alone.
"This is Seokjin" Yoongi introduced him when he noticed Namjoon lingering awkwardly. Namjoon doesn't remember much of what he did that day, but he remembers perfectly what shade of blue was the sweater Seokjin was wearing.
From that day on, every time he came back from class and found Yoongi working alone, Namjoon couldn't help to feel a tiny bit let down.
It should've been easier for Namjoon to ask Jin out when he became a regular presence at their apartment, but he was not good at flirting at all and instead ended up befriending Seokjin.
Though he never stopped liking him, he agreed to keep his crush silent forevermore.
He could've tried to come clean, when he was accepted to study abroad but he never did.
And now Seokjin is going on a date with some guy that he met at a club a couple of weeks ago, Namjoon doesn't have any right over him but he still feels like he's losing him.
When he's refreshed the group chat for the millionth time but there's still no news from Seokjin, he can't take it anymore; he takes his earphones and his keys and leaves the apartment.
--
Sandeul is great.
He took Seokjin to a cute coffee shop on their first date and asked many things about him, listened carefully to everything he said; he is funny, smart, handsome and polite. He is great.
"But he's not Namjoon" Jimin says and Seokjin yelps, he throws a couch cushion to his friend's face "Alright, alright, I'm sorry"
"It was only our first date" Seokjin explains "And he's great, I'm sure it will work"
It will work doesn't sound like the best grounds to start a relationship for Jimin "Have you spoken to Namjoon lately?"
He asks just to stir something, because he knows Seokjin hasn't, not since that night at the club. It's not because he doesn't want to though, Seokjin still misses Namjoon so much, it's just weird since Sandeul came along; Seokjin knows how dumb it is, but he feels like he's cheating on Namjoon or something.
He shakes his head "Nope, have you?"
Jimin nods because of course, he has spoken to him, he probably does at least once every day "He's alright, if you want to know"
Seokjin pouts "Of course I want to know! I'm glad he's alright"
"He asks about you"
"You're mean"
Jimin is not mean he just likes to stir the pot sometimes, and in this case, he feels like he should; he hasn't told Seokjin, but he had been watching Namjoon very closely as well.
"He's your friend" Jimin says "Ignoring him is stupid besides, he doesn't know how you feel about him or why you're not talking to him all of a sudden. You're just going to hurt him if you don't stop being childish"
Jimin is right, Seokjin hates it "Fine, I will talk to him"
--
good morning
Namjoon blinks at his phone, he has to check twice to make sure he's read the name right and he's not just imagining that Seokjin texted him, it's been almost three weeks since the last time he did.
good night
He replies, remembering the time difference.
it's been a while
It has, at least Namjoon is glad Seokjin is aware.
yeah
i'm sorry, i was busy with school and work u know
It's not new, Namjoon has always known how tight Seokjin's schedule can be, and this time he has something else taking his time.
and your new boyfriend too
ah
yeah
that too
That seems to put the conversation on a stand still, Seokjin doesn't say anything else and Namjoon doesn't know what he is supposed to say either, why did he even mention Jin's new boyfriend? he doesn't want to know anything about that guy.
He types and deletes a couple of texts, but he's having a hard time finding the right words.
i miss you
Seokjin beats him to it, Namjoon almost drops his phone.
i mean, everybody misses you
i miss you too
Namjoon doesn't know why there are tears forming in his eyes, he wipes them away before they can fall. He suddenly gets the urge to let Seokjin know, but he pushes it right down; it wouldn't be fair, he had so much time to tell him how he felt, he shouldn't just say it because Jin has someone else, when Namjoon is so far away.
i have a class
While it's true that he has about 10 minutes to get to class, Namjoon still feels like he's cowering away by cutting their conversation like that. He hates this walking on eggshells, he didn't use to overthink everything he said to Seokjin, but something definitely has shifted.
ok we'll talk later
Namjoon wants to ask him if he's for real or he's going to go silent for another three weeks, in other time he would and Seokjin would reply with a middle finger emoji and they'd laugh it off but now, Namjoon feels like it would be too revealing. He’s truly afraid that Seokjin is going to forget about him.
He never had a problem keeping his feelings a secret, but Seokjin had never tried to date anyone either, it's different now. And how incredibly inconvenient that it is all happening while Namjoon is away, not that he would try to intervene, it's just that he's already missing and longing and it makes the hurt worse.
But he wants Jin to be happy, and if he is happy with whatshisname then all Namjoon can do is be supportive, that's what friends usually do.