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I.
The trees were swaying gently in the breeze. Birds chirping, sun shining, not a single cloud in the sky. It was the perfect day to have her first kiss with the boy she was in love with.
Her plan was simple: get Sasuke alone and make her move. Perhaps it was too simple, considering Sakura had no idea how to deal with boys. After all, she was barely a teenager, even if she considered herself mature for her age.
Step one was already complete. Sasuke sat in front of her on their shared picnic blanket, both of them eating food she had prepared earlier that morning.
Things had been slow recently, and Kakashi was giving their team a short vacation from ninja training. She took advantage of the excess time she found suddenly presented to her, and had worked hard in the kitchen to create the perfect sandwiches.
Of course, Naruto never took breaks, and was probably out there somewhere goofing off like he always was. That was beside the point though, and Sakura shook her head to rid herself of thoughts of Naruto. Today was about Sasuke, and more specifically, her and Sasuke together .
Sasuke. Lovely, adorable, perpetually brooding Sasuke. Dark hair dangled over his eyes as he was eating, obscuring his beautiful eyes from her gaze. Although she tried not to, she found herself paying attention to the way his mouth moved as he chewed.
He was the ideal man, as Ino frequently said. Ino was always talking about Sasuke. It was like she totally ignored that Sakura was his teammate, not her. Stupid, dumb, blonde Ino with her pretty features and nice body. Jealousy was not Sakura’s color.
Forget Ino, he was hers alone. She would pick Sasuke any day.
“This is nice,” Sasuke started. “Thank you, Sakura. It’s really taking my mind off things.”
“Things like Naruto.” She replied.
He nodded once. Currently, the two boys were fighting. Not physically, although Sakura had to break them apart a couple of times before things got too heated. They were just so different. Sasuke wanted to be a better person, a stronger person, than his brother. Naruto wanted to annoy Sakura every chance he got.
“I actually wanted to talk to you about something.” Sakura said. “If that’s okay with you.”
“I guess so.” He responded with a scoff. “We’re already out here alone.”
“Okay…” She took a deep breath and struggled to maintain her cool composure. It was now or never. “Have you ever thought about kissing anyone?”
Sasuke abruptly turned to her, dropping his sandwich onto the blanket.
“I-I mean…” She sputtered. “Other than Naruto that one time…”
The boy was blushing, hard. She was berating herself for bringing up Naruto twice during one conversation.
Sasuke tried to play it off. Very cool, as he always was. “No way, I don’t have time for that dumb stuff.”
“Oh…” Her heart sank. Maybe she shouldn’t go through with phase two of her plan.
She didn’t deserve Sasuke. Ino was right. Here she was, trying to put the moves on him while he was only focused on training.
The sun was getting ready to set. Another day gone by, without getting any closer to the boy she loved. He was watching her, with an unreadable expression on his face. Usually she would have jumped at the opportunity to have him stare at her. But now, she felt guilty.
“I’m sorry, Sasuke, I-”
And he kissed her. It was brief, unexpected, he had leaned in and pressed his lips to hers just long enough for her to register what had happened before he pulled away.
Her hands came up to cover her lips. The same place Sasuke’s lips were touching a few moments ago. Now she was flustered for sure. Her heart was racing as she watched the boy scratch the back of his head awkwardly.
“There...just, don’t ever talk about me kissing Naruto again, okay?”
All she could do was nod her head in agreement, with a sinking feeling in her gut. She hadn’t felt anything at all when he kissed her.
II.
A few months had passed since she had her first kiss. Nobody else knew about it but her and Sasuke; nobody that she knew of at least. He could have told other people, but somehow Sakura doubted that he wanted to talk about it at all.
She couldn’t stomach telling Ino, not after she watched her friend gush over him any time he was nearby. She couldn’t bare the thought of watching her friend’s face fall if she were to explain how Sakura kissed him. Even worse, that Sasuke had initiated it himself.
Instead, she threw herself into her work. After their brief vacation, team 7 had regrouped and resumed training extensively. Her mind and body were both tired from the physical exertion, but she felt as if she was finally making progress in becoming a better ninja.
Right now, Naruto and Sasuke were currently off on the other side of town, doing an errand for Kakashi. That left her and their teacher, alone, in the same spot of the woods Sasuke had kissed her. The two boys were most likely arguing the whole time, while nothing was getting done. It would take them the rest of the evening to finish up their mission, there was no doubt in her mind.
Their mentor knew that they would take forever too. So he took advantage of the situation and decided to sleep, of course. Any time he sent the two boys off, he joked around with Sakura and told her he was going to take a nap. Only a quick sleep, you won’t even notice it happened! He would say with a laugh.
It was hard to read the older man, with the mask constantly covering the lower half of his face. Occasionally he would move his headband to where they could see both of his eyes, but usually this was during fights, or when he was feeling especially lazy.
Today, his mask and headband were resting in their normal position. If she reached out, she figured she was close enough that she could gently pull it down to expose his mouth. This was a high-ranking ninja though, and Sakura doubted she was skilled enough to get it down without him waking up. He was probably already on guard just by the fact that she was thinking about it. He had a weird way of knowing exactly what was going on in her head, even before she knew it herself.
Would his lips be like Sasuke’s? Now that was a dangerous thing to be thinking about. Everyone would talk about how attractive Kakashi was, but she didn’t see it. How could he be? Nobody ever saw all of his face. So she laughed along and pretended she was the same as the other girls.
Unless...he could be pretty cute under there. She supposed his fluffy grey hair could be considered appealing. A girl like Ino would like it, she would like to run her fingers through his hair as they kissed.
Just once, she wondered if she could kiss him. Not on the lips, or at least not directly. Over his mask would be fine, or even on the cheek. Something to make her feel like how all the other girls said she should feel. Butterflies in her stomach, hands clammy, head spinning, heart pounding, she had never had that before. Not even when her beloved Sasuke leaned in and pressed their lips together.
So she reached her hand out slowly over his face, to make sure he was truly sleeping. She held her hand there for a few moments, moving it back and forth a bit for good measure. When the man didn’t react, she laid on the ground facing him.
He had both hands resting behind his head, gently cradling his head as he slept. A slight breeze shifted his hair in the wind.
It was now or never, she thought for the first time since her previous kiss.
Sakura leaned forward, and pressed her lips against his cheek. She held herself there for a few moments, longer than when Sasuke kissed her. His face wasn’t as rough as she had imagined a man’s would be, in fact, his skin was pleasantly soft beneath her.
When she moved back, her eyes opened. She hadn’t even realized they had been closed. Maybe that meant it was better than her first kiss? There was no feeling of excitement in her gut, no fireworks beneath her eyelids, nothing.
Did she do it wrong? Was something wrong with her, again? She quietly debated leaning in once more, to try a second time. Before she could muster up the courage, his eyes fluttered open.
Now she was blushing, as he looked blankly at her face. It wasn’t from love, or lust, or excitement. She was embarrassed by what she had done, and sat up quickly.
“Uh-hh, did you enjoy your nap, Kakashi?” She scratched the back of her head, just like Sasuke had done when he was uncomfortable.
“It wasn’t bad, but I’ve had better.” Her teacher stretched out, releasing a groan of relief. “Did you take a nap as well?”
He saw that she was laying down next to him. Had he been awake when she kissed him? She was too afraid to ask.
“Yep! Sure did.” She replied. “Been asleep for awhile, crazy how we woke up at the same time!”
“Indeed…” He said, staring hard at her face. She tried to wipe her expression of any emotion. “Well, I think it’s about time to go check on the boys. Ready?”
He stood up and offered her a hand, which she quickly took. She brushed her hands off on her pants as they started walking into town, and sighed with relief. He didn’t know what happened.
At least one good thing came from this, nobody else would know about her second failure.
III.
Sasuke had been gone a while now. After he left, all the young ninjas in the village seemed t o grow up way too quickly. Even Naruto, who was still his same loud and boisterous self, seemed to be more mature.
Despite the circumstances, she was proud of them all.They were competent adults now. At least, in the eyes of the village they were considered to be.
Sakura watched as her friends had fallen in love. One by one they were slowly paired up with each other, until only a handful of them were left single. Ino, Shikamaru, and herself to name a few. The three of them started hanging out more together, bonding over the single lifestyle. It helped that they were old enough to drink now, though she didn’t partake in alcohol herself.
The disappearance of Sasuke hurt Ino pretty badly. For a moment, it made her want to be best friends with her again, instead of the rivals they had grown up to be. She watched as Ino dated other boys, so many other boys, and would come to her for advice. After each one broke her heart, she would rely on Sakura to feel better. Watching her cry made Sakura feel pangs of anger towards love.
To try and forget about Ino for a minute, she was walking with Shikamaru down the streets of the village at night. They had ate ramen from Ichiraku, and were finishing up their date by hanging out with each other in mutual silence. It felt weird, to be on a date with a boy. He had asked her out a few days ago, after that blonde ninja from the sand village visited.
It was plain to see that he was in love with that other girl, Sakura wasn’t blind. Just because she hadn’t ever felt love before didn’t mean that she couldn’t spot it. She knew Ino loved Sasuke, even though he had been gone for so long. She knew Naruto loved her, even though she could never reciprocate his feelings.
Love was terrible. Or maybe she was just a bitter, lonely woman now.
“Hey, you doing okay?” Shikamaru stopped walking and looked to her. They had made their way back to his place, and Sakura felt intimidated as she looked up at the building. “You seem to be zoned out. Did you want to go home instead?”
“No, I’m okay!” She replied. It was too late to chicken out now, Ino would never let her live it down if she backed out of a date right as it was leading up to the good part. “We can hang out inside. If that’s okay with you, of course!”
“Yeah, no problem. There’s not much to do though, it’s pretty boring here.”
He unlocked the door and stepped inside before flicking on a light switch. The room was illuminated from the ceiling light, so Sakura could now see the awkward body language of her date.
He led her into the living room, though he never took her hand into his own. When she looked down, she noticed that his hand seemed unsteady, and was shaking more than usual.
“Are you nervous?” She asked. Perhaps Shikamaru had never kissed anyone before. Not that Sakura had much experience either, but it was better than nothing.
“A bit, sorry…” Shikamaru tried to laugh it off. “I’m not great with girls, they’re too needy for me.”
She flinched and tried not to take him too seriously. The man didn’t mean to sound sexist, it just sort of happened sometimes. At least, that’s what she told herself.
His jawline was sharp, and looked like she could use it to pull him into a kiss. She took one step closer to him and the air around them changed. She imaged Ino doing the same, with Sasuke or with a different man.
“You don’t have to be nervous around me. I don’t bite.” She licked her lips and summoned all the courage she could before continuing. “Unless you want me to.”
Their eyes locked onto each other. She could nearly see her reflection in his eyes, could nearly feel his breath against her cheek. It could be the start of their life together, or it could be the start of something doomed to fail. There were no jittery feelings in her chest; nothing, as usual.
“Maybe I do want that.”
Another step forward. He was looking down on her now, they were standing close enough that their high difference was accentuated. She reached a hand out to caress his jaw, like how she was imagining before.
At her touch, he moved his own hands to rest gently on her waist. There was a certain kind of tension behind his touch, like he was holding back from something more. She wanted him to let it out. She wanted him to make her feel something.
It wasn’t love. They were both fully aware. But maybe, if she was lucky, she could act on the feeling of lust instead.
Somehow, Sakura figured she would be doing more than just kissing this man tonight.
IV.
Who would have thought, Naruto Uzumaki was actually Sakura’s best friend.
Of course, Ino was her best girl friend, but the two of them were so similar it made Sakura too jealous when the other woman had any sort of romantic feelings for whatever new boy-toy she was hanging around.
The two of them had been sparring together, before Naruto asked if he could tell her something. The look on his face was so serious, more serious than she had ever seen him before.
“What’s on your mind?” She asked.
“Um, well...it’s kinda embarrassing…” He said. Naruto always wore his heart on his sleeve, and she had a good feeling she knew what he was going to say.
“Naruto, I love you like a brother, but-”
She was interrupted.
“I think I love Hinata!”
That was most definitely not what she was expecting.
“Oh...really? What brought this on?” She felt her stomach sink. Another friend, lost to the concept of love. It was hard to tell if she felt resentment towards Naruto, or jealousy.
“I’ve been thinking about the future, you know. Being Hokage has always been my dream.” He explained further. “But, I think I’d like to share that with someone else, like Hinata…”
It was easy to tell how Hinata felt about him, anyone with eyes could see that she had been head over heels in love with him since they were children. But part of Sakura figured that Naruto would be confessing his feelings about her, not to her.
“That’s a great idea,” Sakura replied. “You both are a good match for each other. Does she know how you feel?”
“N-no, not yet. I’ve never even kissed anyone before. I don’t want to disappoint her.” He laughed awkwardly. “I was thinking...could we practice?”
She thought of Shikamaru, first. They had been going on dates together for a few weeks now, and she wasn’t sure if she should be experimenting with other people.
The devil on her shoulder pointed out that they hadn’t made things official yet, so what was the harm in helping a friend out? Ino messed around with people all the time, and Sakura said nothing about it.
“Sure.” She said, and tried not to feel bad as she placed her hands on his shoulders. “Right now?”
He looked stunned, and uncomfortable, to say the least. With a single nod from him, she leaned in and kissed him.
It was different than Shikamaru, who was aggressive and dominant as he held her down with his kiss. It was different than Sasuke, even though they had only kissed once as children, she still found herself comparing men to him.
She couldn’t shake the feeling that kissing him was her trying to hide from some part of herself.
V.
She was drunk. Very, very, unmistakably drunk. Her legs were wobbling almost as much as her voice was. Hinata gave her a funny look when she laughed. It was funny, everything was so funny now! Alcohol was wonderful , and she wondered why she had never tried it before.
She stumbled again, and she realized how strong Hinata was as she helped her walk steady. Her arm was around the other girl’s shoulder, the person her best friend was in love with, their bodies pressed close together. This was as close as she had been to another person since Shikamaru broke up with her.
Oh. That’s right. Her boyfriend had dumped her. Her ex- boyfriend now.
Sakura stopped walking, and protested as Hinata tried to drag them further down the road. Tears were in her eyes, and although she hadn’t loved the man, she was devastated when he broke her heart.
“Come on, Sakura, we’re almost to your house…” Hinata said. “It’s just up ahead, then you can sleep as much as you want.”
Her voice was so quiet. So cute. Sakura giggled again and clutched onto Hinata tighter. “Never leave me, please, I love you more than that other asshole anyways!”
The girl turned and glared at her. Wow , Sakura thought, our faces are so close now. Like I could kiss her!
The girls lips were pink, the bottom one poking out in an adorable pout. It made her wonder what they tasted like. If they tasted as good as the alcohol they were drinking together, or if they tasted like Shikamaru. He tasted like smoke, like heavy feelings and regret.
They broke up because of Ino, she couldn’t lie about that. Because Sakura was stupid and while they were in an argument she told him that she loved Ino more than him. She said she loved her attitude, how she didn’t take any shit from anyone. How she laughed and it sounded like the world was at peace. How her pretty blonde hair fell to the sides of her face, and how Sakura wanted to run her hands through it again and again.
Well, if you love her so much why don’t you just marry her! He had shouted.
Maybe she had realized her feelings might be more than admiration. Maybe that’s why she decided to drink away her problems tonight.
That was an issue for a different day, she decided. She would think more about that some other time, when she was alone in her bed and the weight of the world was pressing down on her shoulders.
Shikamaru was in the past now. Hinata was in the present.
“Y’know, Naruto loves you.” She slurred her words when she told Hinata, and tried not to feel shame as she watched the girl blush.
In her opinion, he had been an okay kisser when they practiced together. Hinata shouldn’t be disappointed.
The girl stammered and stuttered, and Sakura fought the feeling of guilt when she figured out that he must not have told her yet. Oh well, too late to back down now , she thought.
Sakura slid her hand behind Hinata’s head, playing with the hairs on the back of her neck, before closing the distance between them with a drunken kiss. Despite almost missing her lips entirely at the start, Sakura made certain that there was nothing platonic about what she was doing.
The girl stiffened underneath her when she decided to deepen the kiss, biting down gently on her lower lip so that her tongue could slip farther in her mouth. She could taste the alcohol on Hinata’s tongue, and wanted it for herself.
Hinata reached her hand up and placed it on Sakura’s chest, holding onto the material of her shirt to keep her from pressing their bodies together. Sakura could feel her whimper against her, being silenced by her own lips. She didn’t know if the low groan she heard next was from herself or Hinata.
Then Hinata pushed her away.
Down inside herself, Sakura felt like pieces of her puzzle were coming together, like a blanket had been lifted from her eyes and she could finally see the world for what it was.
“Sakura! People will see us.” Hinata raised a hand to cover her mouth in embarrassment when she noticed Sakura was still staring at her. Her lips looked even more red after their kiss.
She liked kissing Hinata. Even if she didn’t actually like the girl as more than a friend. It was better than Sasuke, better than Shikamaru. Better than anything she had ever felt.
Farther down inside her, she felt the familiar tug of shame seeping into her thoughts. That same feeling she experienced when she thought of Ino. It was wrong, it had to be wrong...right?
“I-I’m sorry.” She stumbled backwards, still unsteady on her feet. “You should go, I can make it inside.”
She reached for the door handle to her house, fighting the tears that pounded behind her eyes and threatened to escape. Behind her she could feel Hinata place a hand gently on her back, helping her walk inside.
“It’s okay, you’re drunk. People do stupid things when they’re drunk.” She took her hand and walked her towards her bedroom.
Except she didn’t think what she did was stupid. She wanted it again, and more. Maybe not with Hinata, but she wanted it all the same. Her lips tingled as she swiped her tongue against them, savoring the memory of another girl pressed against them.
The alcohol was catching up to her body now, and Hinata helped place her onto the bed. She couldn’t look her in the eyes, not anymore. But her friend was still her friend, and brushed her hair out of her face when she laid on the bed.
Forgive me, she wanted to say, you’re not the one I wanted to kiss.
VI.
Her friendship with Hinata was the same after that night. Despite the events that transpired, they were still there for each other.
The kiss wasn’t brought up, although there was an awkward glance that was shared between them after Naruto mentioned going out for drinks one night. They had both blushed and politely declined, hiding their little secret from their friend.
Sakura definitely considered it a turning point in her life, even though it was hard to recall the exact events that happened due to the alcohol she consumed. She knew she kissed her. And she knew she liked it.
It was true that Shikamaru had been a big part of her life, as her first serious boyfriend. Everyone in town thought of them as the ultimate power couple. But everytime she was with him, it felt wrong , which led to her feeling guilty for overcompensating.
She tried as hard as she could, but she couldn’t force her love on him. It wasn’t his to take.
Now it all made sense. The answer had been right in front of her the whole time. Girls ; Shikamaru had said it himself. His point was further proven after she kissed Hinata, and finally felt the butterflies in her stomach that she had been wishing for her entire life.
The first person she wanted to tell was Ino. It was only fair, as her best friend. They grew up together, as rivals, and somehow as more than that. What better way to break the news than sitting in the same place she had her first kiss, all those years ago with Sasuke.
The words bubbled out of her, and once she started she couldn’t stop. Ino simply watched as she poured her heart and soul out. I couldn’t feel anything with Sasuke. I couldn’t feel anything with Shikamaru, she told her everything that came into her mind, and it felt good to get it all out.
“Something has to be wrong with me.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Sakura.” Ino tucked a stray hair behind her ear after it had fallen into her face. The movement was too cute for Sakura to handle. “You’re completely normal. The most normal girl I know.”
“Normal girls don’t kiss other girls.” She had been kicking herself for weeks now, hating the part of herself that couldn’t love men. It was hard enough to get them to like her, with her short hair and having too much strength for a man to handle.
“That’s bullshit,” Ino barked out a laugh, “every girl I know has kissed at least one other girl. I’m surprised it took you this long, everyone can tell by looking at you that it’s what you want.”
Her throat was closing in on itself, there was no way other people knew just by looking at her...right? That was the worst thing that Ino could have said, she almost wanted the other girl to look disgusted and never bring it up again.
“I’m sorry...that wasn’t the right thing to say.” Ino breathed out a sigh, and Sakura found herself staring at the other girl’s lips. “What I mean is- it’s okay to want to be with another girl. Men are weak anyways, girls are so much better.”
She openly smiled at Sakura, resting her chin on top of her knees with her arms wrapped around them.
“So. Uh. You...like girls too?” Sakura cleared her throat, and didn’t know why she felt so awkward.
Her mind kept replaying the way Shikamaru shouted at her, that she should just marry Ino if that’s what she really wanted.
Ino leaned her head back to look up at the sky, with the sun setting in the distance. There was a pause as she thought hard about the question, biting her lower lip as she concentrated. It made Sakura want to reach over and run her fingers through her hair, to make her more relaxed.
“I like you.” Ino broke the silence.
All at once Sakura was back in the present moment.
“N-no, I mean, like girls.” She stuttered over her words and avoided looking at her friend.
There was that feeling of guilt again, knowing that just a few moments beforehand she had wanted to stroke her friend’s hair.
She felt as Ino placed a hand on her knee, and turned to fully face her. The light from the sunset made her face glow, obscuring the blush that was making its way up her neck.
“I like you.” She said again.
Ino seemed to move slowly, then she was kissing Sakura. They were both very still, and Sakura could feel the way she was gently breathing against her.
Without meaning to, she raised a hand to cup Ino’s jaw, bringing her closer. Her friend’s lips were impossibly soft and delicate beneath her.
Her tongue slipped out from her mouth, and seeked entrance against Ino’s. Butterflies emerged in her stomach, similar to when she kissed Hinata, yet this time her mind was also overcome with emotion.
She knew that people could feel love, but had never thought that it would feel this good. Sakura was entirely too aware of every point of contact between her and Ino. Their lips together. Her hand clutching at Ino’s jawline. A hand against her hips, and another on her thigh.
It was overwhelming, in the best way possible, the way that Ino moved against her.
They didn’t break their kiss, instead Sakura fulfilled her earlier desire and tangled the fingers on her free hand in Ino’s hair, pulling just hard enough to draw a moan out of her.
When the other girl pushed her down onto the grass, she was willing and eager, slipping a leg between Ino’s so that she was straddling Sakura’s thigh.
“Finally.” She gasped against the other girls lips when she settled on the ground, feeling whole for once in her life.
“Finally?” Ino asked. She pulled back just far enough to look into her eyes, but not far enough to where they were fully separated. “I know you’ve kissed people before, don’t act all innocent now.”
“Yes,” Sakura said. “But nothing like this. Nobody is like you.”
She couldn’t help but give in to the feeling, and press their lips together again.
Ino sat up on top of Sakura, her hands resting against her collarbone to prevent her from sitting up and connecting their lips again. If she wanted to, Sakura could easily push past the girl’s hands and flip their positions.
But she didn’t move. Instead, she stared up at her friend, heart beating wildly in her chest.
Ino wiped the back of her hand against her mouth and smiled. “Well, you sure kiss like you have experience.”
“I’m offended.” Sakura scoffed.
“Don’t be.” Ino chuckled and curled her fingers into the fabric of Sakura’s shirt. “But from now on, I want you to stop kissing other people. Okay?”
Her whole life she had been lying to herself. She lied about her feelings for Sasuke. She lied during her entire relationship with Shikamaru.
The words had came easy to her, convincing everyone around her that she was happy and fine and so in love. So much so that she never even realized that it she was lying, until it was overwhelming her and pulling her apart.
Sakura didn’t know if Ino wanted to date her at that moment, but the girl’s words definitely stopped her from wanting anybody else. At that time, she didn’t even care. All she wanted was the chance to be around her, to kiss her and hold her, and feel love like everyone else.
She wanted to go to sleep at night next to her, and wake up in the mornings in the same bed. She wanted everything Ino could offer, and wanted to give everything of hers to the other girl as well.
“Okay.” Sakura agreed with a smile. And in that moment, everything felt right.