Chapter Text
His hair is blue, and so is his dick.
The hair wasn’t a rebellion thing. His parents aren’t around to rebel against. It’s not a grief thing, either, which is what Obie thinks. Pepper thinks it’s an effort at controlling one of the few aspects of his body he does have the ability to change. Honestly, though, he just thinks it looks cool, and so does Rhodey. (At least, Rhodey didn’t actively disagree when asked, which is basically the same concept.)
The dick - well. That a lot of people think is a rebellion thing. His parents had. Obie, he’s not sure about. Obie acts supportive and was the first person to do so, before he’d met Pepper or Rhodey. Tony thinks he might be being humored, but hey, that’s better than not being humored. The whole trans thing, it’s not exactly a non-issue for anyone, and definitely not someone in Tony’s position. The headlines were full of him when he came out (much against his parents wishes - both the coming out and the headlines). These days, he mostly just flips off anyone who tries to ask him about it.
“Tony, are you aware that it is 10:17 AM?”
Tony looked over at the door. “Thanks for the proximity warning, JARVIS. Pepper! Darling. Yes, I am definitely now aware that it is 10:17 AM. Why do you ask?”
Pepper held a tablet up in front of his face. “Because you scheduled an appointment for nine, Tony, and you promised you’d be there.”
Tony squinted. “Ah, yes, the vital appointment with Mr. Blurry and Ms. Squished Against My Nose.”
Pepper pulled the tablet back a foot or two, looking a bit abashed.
“Oh, shit, it’s the engineers for Z-142. JARVIS, why didn’t you tell me it was 10:17 AM?”
“I did tell you that it was 8:30 AM, 8:45 AM, 9 AM, 9:10 AM - “
“Well that wasn’t exactly helpful, was it.”
“I apologise, sir, obviously I should have anticipated that you wanted a 10:17 alarm. I shall note 10:17 for the future,” JARVIS said with no noticeable trace of irony in his tone.
“I can hear the trace of irony in your tone. Don’t you try to sass me.”
“They’re still waiting,” Pepper told them.
“They’re engineers, they don’t care if I’m dressed, right? They probably don’t even own suits. Where did I leave the Axe?”
“I believe you told DUM-E to play with it to distract him from your work,” JARVIS replied, though the question hadn’t appeared to be addressed to anyone in particular.
“DUM-E, give it.”
DUM-E rolled towards Tony and held out the body spray politely near his face. Pepper, knowing the bot far too well, moved back towards the door. Tony stared DUM-E down.
“No funny business, just hand it over.” Tony reached his hand out cautiously. DUM-E chirruped gently and slowly moved his claw to hover a prong over the spray button.
“Aht! Don’t do it!”
Tony and the bot both froze, eying each other.
“JARVIS, now!”
A blindingly bright hologram appeared just between them, causing DUM-E to pull back and drop the spray, and Tony caught it tidily from the air. With a self-satisfied grin, he patted his bot on the arm and turned to an unimpressed Pepper.
“All good to go. Is Happy waiting?”
“Since 8:40, yes,” Pepper answered.
“Excellent,” Tony said as he walked past Pepper. “You know, that man is far more on top of things than you are. He’s been waiting and you’ve been, what? Seeing a man about a dog? Failing to remind your boss of vital appointments?”
“I’ll make sure to come retrieve you physically instead of calling you seventeen times on the next occasion you fail to turn up as planned. So,” Pepper said with a raised eyebrow, “I imagine it will be tomorrow at 12:15 PM.”
“What’s so special about tomorrow at 12:15 PM?”
“That’s the next time something’s on your calendar.”
Tony tossed a grin over his shoulder. “Well, I’d better be seeing you here at noon, then.” He hopped over the side of the convertible into the driver’s seat of a blue ’72 Corvette and held out his hand to Happy for a fist bump.
Happy stared disapprovingly at the road ahead. Tony wiggled his hand enticingly a few times. Happy narrowed his eyes and continued to silently admonish the road, but reached over with his hand to complete the fist bump.
“Ba-la-la-la-la!” Tony trilled as he exploded his fingers. “That’s my favorite employee, right there.”
He waved a jaunty hand at Pepper, turned the volume on, and skidded away to a soundtrack of Blue Suede Shoes. Loudly and poorly sung lyrics drifted back through the dust. “One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, now go, cat, go!”