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It was strange, but as much as there were big things that Gavin missed, it was the smallest details that he’d never truly acknowledged before that he wished for that bit more.
Sure, there was the fact that he couldn’t listen to music anymore or hear what was said on the TV. They were things that he realised quite early on that were going to be lost for good. Hearing the mindless chatter and thrum of Detroit as he wandered the streets another that he’d picked up on early, but that was equal parts blessing and curse. The endless throng of car horns was not at the top of the list of things Gavin said he actively missed.
Not to mention all the damn squawking birds, or the squeaky floorboards. Or the irritating thumping of the neighbours above, accompanied by their angry shouting when they decided to have a 3am bicker.
Gavin inhaled deeply as he stared out the window, watching the slowly descending sun as the day came to a peaceful end. No, it was the little things that were so insignificant but comforting. Midget’s high-pitched meowing when she’s hungry, her purring when she’s snuggled in tight. The soft whirring of his alarm clock at the side of his bed - of all things to miss. A click of the toaster when Nines made him some toast in the mornings.
But of all things, the one that really got Gavin the most - not being able to hear his own damn boyfriend’s voice. That, above all else, is what Gavin would give up almost anything to hear again. He’d trade in every other sound in the world if he could get that back. It was his comfort, his grounding for when everything else went to shit. As much as they had always been tactile, Nines’ voice was the first that about the android that had really drawn Gavin to him.
Never had Gavin thought he’d see the day that he wished he was an android, but here it was. One, it meant he could get his fucking hearing back, and two, he would have the same perfect recall as Nines. Gavin had so many memories of Nines speaking to him in every situation: warm, soft, angry, sad, snappy, loving, passionate...He could think of so many ways to describe it. But all it was now was an echo - he’d never hear it again.
Thinking about how Connor and Hank had both gotten themselves suspended roughing up the guy that had destroyed Gavin’s ears made the former detective smile a little. Fuck, he hadn’t thought he’d ever truly miss them; but he did. Hank, Connor, Chris, Ben, even fucking Fowler. Tina was the only one Gavin had let around since he’d gotten out of the hospital, but that had been so hard. The sudden and seemingly impossible barrier of Gavin’s loss of hearing had struck her terribly.
Since then, he’d essentially been a hermit - not entirely his own fault though. Nines was adamant that Gavin didn’t go out without someone to at least be company since Gavin was so much more vulnerable at the moment, as he suddenly adjusted to the loss of such a major sense. And Gavin agreed with him, he was still entirely unprepared for the assault on his sight now that he had so much more to be aware of. It was something to be faced with soon - but not right now.
No, all he had to focus on right now was lasting the few more minutes of the day due to pass before Nines came home. It made Gavin’s gut clench at how emotionally dependent he was on Nines now, but that was just his stupid pride smarting. Well, what little was left of it anyway, most of it had gone up in smoke with his hearing. Since Gavin had woken up in the hospital to the painful realisation that the stupid perp which had screeched a modified air horn in each of his ears had robbed him of his hearing, he’d lost a lot of other things in a cumulative effect.
First his hearing, then his confidence. And without that, his willingness to speak had gone too. Now it wasn’t just silent in his own little world, but it was silent around him too.
Misery likes company, as they say.
A tiny nudge against Gavin’s arm broke through his melancholy, and he smiled sadly at Midget. His ‘ironically’ named cat - she’d been the runt when he got her, not his fault that she’d grown to be practically the same as a medium sized dog - had jumped up onto the sofa and was sitting on the arm, tail twirling peacefully as her paw stretched out to pat Gavin’s arm again. The smile grew at seeing how she made sure not to venture too close until Gavin had noticed her, and as soon as he held a hand out she strode over gracefully to curl up on his lap.
Nines and Midget had been his saving grace. Without them, Gavin knew he’d have gone completely mad with the loss of so many other things in his life.
Midge had quickly realised something had changed only a couple of days after Gavin had come home from the hospital. She’d always been a vocal cat, so for her owner to suddenly ignore her had been strange. Sure enough, she’d figured out that if Gavin could see her, nothing was different - well, save that he never spoke anymore. Beyond that everything else was the same so long as she didn’t approach too quickly. Gavin was rather jumpy now if something just appeared in his vision. He didn’t mind an out of the blue touch, that he’d mentally adjusted for, but sudden appearances were still taking some time.
He’d been there for only a couple of minutes when he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket, signalling Nines was now downstairs and making the climb to their apartment. That had been something that had been a surprising development to the both of them, was Gavin’s instant panic at someone knocking on the door. Of course, Gavin couldn’t hear that sort of thing anymore so they’d modified his phone with a bunch of new apps that Nines had spent days developing during every moment alone. Cameras which were linked up to the outside of the apartment, different vibrations for timers or household appliances beeping to say they were done. Even as a prompt if something had been left on incase Gavin had simply gotten lost in his thoughts, as he was prone to do now.
They’d developed this system so that Gavin could relax when the buzz went off against his arm of the cameras detecting someone outside. Nines always made sure to give Gavin the heads up, knowing that his former detective was incredibly fragile in his chaotic and perilously early stage of adapting.
Midget perked up at the sound of a key in the lock, and meowed as company finally appeared home. She made no effort to move from Gavin’s lap however. Nines smiled at the display, making sure to lock the front door and engage the locking bolt they’d installed before ditching his jacket and shoes. Gavin was still lying back with his eyes closed, face turned towards the ceiling as he waited for Nines. He could practically count out the routine by now.
An extra minute longer than Gavin had expected passed before the android came to sit beside him, stretching out to caress Gavin’s cheek. The human smiled sadly while turning to his boyfriend, the android leaning over to give him a gentle kiss instead. That earned a genuine, if small, increase in the smile. “Good evening, my love,” Nines greeted when Gavin opened his eyes at last. There was a small storm in the grey depths, but it was still a relatively good day compared to how he had seen Gavin sometimes. “What did you get up to today?”
Sweet fuck all, Gavin signed before sighing silently. How was work?
“Boring, we did nothing but fill out paperwork all day,” Nines said while reaching over to pet Midget. He made sure to check that Gavin was keeping focus on his face, however, before he continued speaking. “Though Tina did get bored and decide to glue Chris’ favourite mug to his desk. That was amusing at least.”
Gavin snorted. Damn, wish I could have seen that, he signed in agitation. Even a boring day at the precinct sounded better than just sitting in his own misery, but leaving the apartment was currently beyond him and they both knew it. His confidence was still too shredded to really attempt it.
“Do you have any thoughts on what you would like for dinner? I bought ingredients for both enchiladas and a lasagne, but I was unsure which you would prefer,” Nines asked, waiting for Gavin to mull the idea over in his head.
Can I help? He signed back, leading to a smile appearing on Nines’ face while offering his hand as he stood.
“I would love nothing more,” the android assured with a warm tone, though he knew Gavin wouldn’t hear. He was sure that Gavin could see it in his facial expression though for how the human’s eyes suddenly went a little misty. “Any preference on what prep you wish to do?”
I’ll make the cheese sauce if you do the rest?
“Of course.”
As much as they had struggled with adapting to the many changes in their lives, their new form of communication was something that they actually both enjoyed, despite the circumstances. Gavin’s decision years ago, while still an officer, to learn ASL and lip reading as an advancement to his career had proven most fortuitous. His transition would have been much more traumatic than it already had been otherwise.
One of the first things he’d been insistent on since the accident was that Nines didn’t sign to him - he only spoke. Gavin wanted as much normality as possible with everything changing, and Nines had been all too happy to oblige. Speaking to Gavin was a good coping mechanism for him too. As it was, they still had pretty free flowing conversations, though Nines did miss his partner’s barbed wit. It made occasional appearances depending on how Gavin was doing, but was no longer the constant thing that it once had been.
Midget yelped in disgust as Gavin shifted her to get up, rather disgruntled that her warm bed was moving, but jumped away without too much a fight. Nines smiled as he heard her tinkling bell follow them through to the kitchen before first jumping up onto one of the counters, and then leaping to the higher cupboards to settle above the cooker. Ever the little supervisor now, she rarely strayed that far from Gavin. His own fluffy little guardian angel, even if she was happy to let Nines take over responsibility when he was home.
Still not knowing which dish Gavin was going to choose, Nines gave him time to mull over all the ingredients on display and smiled when Gavin pulled over the components of the lasagne next to him. Nines seamlessly stored away the rest as Gavin got to work, but even as the android set about preparing the rest, he was never far. A brief touch to the shoulder or arm, a hand low on Gavin’s back or just the most feather light of kisses to Gavin’s head. All soft, intimate touches that gave Gavin a spark of life every time.
There may be many things they cursed about Gavin’s new impediment, but this new tactile layer of affection that had become an integral part of their relationship was a blessing. They had always been quietly loving at home, but never this open and painfully honest. Gavin had been stripped bare as he rebuilt, and it almost felt like Nines had been too as they navigated this steep learning curve.
Unable to help himself after grating all the cheese, Nines wrapped his arms around Gavin’s waist as the human continued making the sauce. He got a playful ‘thwack’ to the arm from the end of the wooden spoon after blowing Gavin’s hair lightly, which had Nines chuckling. A bright smile appeared on his face as he saw the flickers of the same expression on Gavin’s face, a response to feeling the way Nines’ body shifted with the android’s laughter.
Choosing to indulge in his new favourite habit, Nines pressed his lips right to the back of Gavin’s head and started humming. They’d discovered so much since the incident, and the biggest thing had been just how sensitive Gavin was to various forms of touch now - it was what had inspired their devising of the vibration system on Gavin’s phone. Uncovering this had been a total accident one day, as Nines hummed in thought. Gavin’s body had sang under the brief touch, so Nines now always made a point to hum somewhere that his boyfriend could feel it. The dual purpose of relaxing Gavin beyond connecting with him was simply and added bonus.
An elbow gently nudged Nines’ side, who stepped away to come to a stop next to Gavin. If you’re going to hum a tune on the back of my head, for fuck’s sake pick something decent, he signed in complete amusement.
“I’m sorry, was that not to your enjoyment?” Nines teased, earning another smiling eye roll from his partner. “Complain all you like, Gavin: the fact that you identified the song at all says a lot about your musical knowledge or, how do you put? How shit your tastes are?”
Spin on it, Nines.
“You did identify Little Mix rather quickly, Gavin.”
They were fucking everywhere while I was growing up, it’s the sort of tunes that you can’t forget even if you want to.
“And did you wish to forget them?” Nines challenged, smirking when he noticed Gavin’s face burn up slightly.
Fuck you, tin can.
“Another night, my love. I will settle for feeding you first.”
It was easy, when they could be like this. Between all this shit of Gavin now being deaf, mute and a hollow version of his former self, moments like this tended to make them forget. Good company, light conversation, casual intimacy. The components of their home life that made all the changes that bit more bearable and chased away the fear for the unknown and challenges ahead for a time.
Overwhelmed with emotion for a second, Nines brought Gavin in for a gentle hug, sighing when he felt his partner’s arms wrap around him tightly in return. “I love you, Gavin,” he said into his human’s temple. If anything, the incident had just made their relationship stronger in ways Nines hadn’t thought possible for them. He’d studied how traumatic events either broke or solidified couples, and he’d feared he and Gavin may end up on the wrong side of that statistic. In letting his walls down and allowing Nines in when he was most vulnerable, however, Gavin had shown just how much their relationship meant to him too.
Actions spoke louder than words - and they’d both learned that it was so true.
Especially now, when Gavin pressed his lips to Nines’ neck and the android’s sensors unscrambled the mouthing in return. There was no sound, but Nines didn’t need it to know exactly what Gavin had said.
I love you too.