Chapter Text
The day is entirely normal until Dark hears voices coming from outside his closed office door.
Well, to be more accurate, it was normal until five or ten minutes before then, but for Dark, the day doesn’t become anything special until he hears two people arguing in not-hushed-enough whispers from outside his office. Ordinarily, Dark might not even care to listen, but the very first words he hears catch his attention immediately:
“Well, who’s gonna tell him?” says a voice, low and drawled out. Wilford, no doubt, trying to be quiet but only managing a stage whisper.
“Not me, are you kidding??” replies another, higher and a little shrill with nerves. Trimmer. “He’d kill me where I stand. You have to tell him!”
“But I’m always getting in trouble,” Wilford huffs, “And it was probably you who did it anyway.”
Dark wonders what “it” could possibly be.
“W-we don’t know that!” Bim sputters, “It was probably you! And anyway, Dark’s used to hearing bad news from you. It’ll be easier for him to take that way.”
Dark will be the judge of that, thank you.
“Fine, fine, I’ll tell him,” Wilford mutters, “But you’re holding this one while I do it, and don’t come in until I’ve told him already.”
“Alright, then, give me–” Sounds of shuffling. “Okay, now…let’s get this over with.”
“Says the one not telling him.”
A moment passes, and then, predictably, Dark hears a knock on the door.
“Just come in Wilford,” Dark sighs, unlocking the door with a flick of his aura.
Wilford opens the door and bounces in as Bim curses from outside. Even with the door open he’s out of sight, and he doesn’t follow Wilford in. Dark wonders exactly what he’s holding that’s so bad.
“Heya, Darky!” Wilford says, standing in front of Dark’s desk, flashing a classic Warfstache grin. “Sooooo…here’s the thing.”
“Go on.” Dark stays seated at his desk, leveling a hard stare at Wilford.
“Well, Bim and I were having one of our magic-offs, you know, and–”
“Wait, your what?” Dark interrupts.
“Magic-offs!” Wilford exclaims. “You know, when we compete with each other over who has the best reality-bending? I’d say our magic-offs cause half the craziness in the studio.”
“I thought everyone knew about those…” Bim whispers from the hall.
“Anyway.” Dark’s eyebrow twitches. “What happened during your…magic-off?”
“So, as it often happens,” Wilford explains, “One particular bit of magic, probably from Trimmer if we’re being honest–”
“Hey!”
“–happened to go awry, and someone else happened to be there, and–”
“Wilford, get on with it already,” Dark snaps. “I don’t have all day to listen to you go in circles around the point.”
“Yeah, Wil,” Bim puts in, no longer trying to be quiet but still not coming in, “Besides, you-know-who’s starting to get squirmy.”
“Really, Wilford,” Dark adds, “It’s not like you to beat around the bush like this.” Half the time, Wilford almost seems eager to reveal his latest escapade. But even he can tell when his shenanigans have gone too far, it seems.
Dark would know for sure if Wilford would spit it out already.
“Alright, fine!” Wilford yells, “I guess I’ll just come out and say it.” He takes in a deep breath. “Yandere was there, and he got turned into a baby.”
There’s a pause.
“…What?” Dark asks, standing and glaring at Wilford.
“It was an accident, I swear!” Wilford cries, throwing his hands up. “But yeah, that’s pretty much what happened.”
“Wil, can I bring him in how?” Bim calls from outside. Small, whining sounds can be heard under his voice. “He’s getting really irritated with–ow! Hey! Quit it, that’s my hair–”
“Just come in already, Trimmer,” Dark growls, aura starting to whir around him.
Bim practically yelps and scurries in through the open door to join Wilford. Dark’s ringing heightens in pitch until Bim and Wilford both wince.
Sure enough, haphazardly held in Bim’s arms is a baby version of Yandere.
Dark has no idea how old exactly he might be; he’s as small and chubby as any baby Dark’s ever seen, though he’s not wrinkly and bug-eyed like a newborn. His hair is fluffy as always but dark all over, without a hint of red dye in his bangs. His eyes are the same chocolate brown, and his clothes, luckily, seem to have shrunk along with him. Truly, he looks like a miniature version of his normal self, but he certainly isn’t acting like one. He’s squirming and whining in Bim’s grasp, with one tiny hand yanking at Bim’s hair.
Dark stares at Yandere for a long moment and glares at Wilford and Bim for a longer moment, processing the situation. Wilford is more sheepish than anything, and Bim is fearful, though his fear is marred somewhat as Yandere’s struggling distracts him.
“Can’t you hold him right, Bim?” Wilford asks him, breaking the silence between the adults.
“Look, I’ve never exactly–ow–had to hold a baby before,” Bim grumbles, “Besides–ow–Yan’s been weird since you gave him to me–ow!”
“How exactly are you planning to fix this?” Dark interjects, voice tight with frustration. Yandere turns his head towards Dark’s voice, momentarily leaving Bim’s hair alone.
“Well, that’s the thing…” Wilford begins, “See, we don’t really know whose magic did this, and we don’t know how to fix it.”
“But he’ll probably go back to normal soon!” Bim puts in, clearly trying to soften the blow. “We just have to wait for it to wear off.”
Dark’s dealt with many, many ridiculous mishaps, but this is the closest he thinks he’s come to actually having a stroke right here in his office.
“Are you honestly telling me,” he grounds out, “That you idiots have managed to turn my boyfriend into a baby, and you have no idea how to change him back, or how long this spell will take to wear off on its own?”
“Pretty much exactly that, yes,” Wilford replies.
Dark is seconds from sending both Wilford and Bim to his void for an indefinite amount of time when Yandere starts to babble.
Instead of pulling Bim’s hair, he reaches out both tiny hands towards Dark, making a series of high-pitched, insistent noises. Despite no longer actively fighting against Bim, he’s leaning so far forward in his effort that Bim begins to have an even harder time holding him.
“Um, I think he wants you to hold him, Dark,” Bim says.
Dark sighs.
“Ahm!” Yandere cries, “Ahmie!”
“Is…is he trying to say ‘Yami’?” Wilford asks, holding in laughter.
“Ahm!!” Yandere repeats, louder this time.
Dark sighs again.
“Fine, give him to me,” Dark mutters, holding out his arms.
Bim gratefully gives Yandere up, and Dark holds the baby up against his chest, with one hand on his back. Yandere looks up at him adoringly, cooing and reaching up, throwing his chubby arms around Dark’s neck.
“My scalp hurts,” Bim whines, rubbing his head where Yandere pulled his hair, “He probably gave me a bald spot…”
“Now what, Darky?” Wilford asks.
“I’m calling a meeting,” Dark says, “The others obviously have to know about this.” His eyes narrow. “I’ll also be determining a suitable punishment for you both.” Bim audibly gulps. “Go on to the conference room while I send out a memo.”
“Sure thing, Darky!” says Wilford, apparently back to his chipper self despite the threat of imminent punishment, bouncing out the door.
“Life was nice while it lasted, I guess…” Bim laments, trailing behind Wilford and somehow remembering to shut the door behind him.
Dark sighs yet again as he sits back in his office chair to send out the memo, setting Yandere on his lap and holding him there with one arm as he types. Yandere’s continuous gurgling pauses for a moment, and Dark looks down to see the baby apparently mesmerized by Dark’s rapidly typing fingers. Despite the frustration and rage and headache already forming deep in his brain, Dark can’t help but smile a little.
As he hits send for the memo, he bends down and kisses the top of Yandere’s head. Yandere squeals and squirms with delight. He cranes his head back to look at Dark’s face, flashing a chubby-cheeked smile. He reaches his arms up.
“Mo’ giss! Mo’ giss!” he exclaims, trying to grab at Dark’s face and pull him down.
Well, how could Dark say no to that? It’s not like anyone’s around to see him.
He spends the next few minutes giving Yandere more kisses on his crown, forehead, and cheeks, and watching the baby’s over-the-top reactions. The continuous kisses have Yandere practically shrieking with joyful giggles. The noise would annoy Dark if it came from any other baby, but he can’t help but find it cute in Yandere. Yandere, for his part, is so happy that he’s still giggling when Dark teleports them both to the meeting room.