Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Lance is restless. It’s been a year, a full year since they found Shiro. The real Shiro, not the amalgam that was his clone. And Lance is happy, he really is. He just can’t help feeling like he lost a friend too. A friend. As if that were all they were, friends. And now they’re not even that.

The Garrison lights are too bright and Lance can’t see the stars from his window. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to not to think of warm calloused hands playing piano keys on his spine.

“We have to stop meeting like this.”

Shiro, no Kuron, smiles softly at Lance. Lance slowly blinks his eyes open. They were swaying gently together, soft music floating around them. Shiro’s (no, Kuron’s ) hand is gentle around his own, warm at the small of his back.

“You left me, you keep leaving me.”

Kuron’s grip tightens ever so slightly and Lance looks away, he doesn’t want to see pity in Kuron’s eyes, not here.

He vaguely remembers this. The dance, another formal event the paladins were forced to attend. When Kuron fumbled to ask for his hand, both of them awkward and blushing and eager.

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t even know why I keep coming here, I, fuck, I’m,” Lance burrows into Kuron’s shoulder as his voice breaks.

“It’s been a year Shiro, and I, I still miss you so much. It’s been a year.”

The music stops.

Lance clutches at Kuron desperately, chasing his warmth. It’s too soon, it’s too soon!

Kuron steps away from Lance and frowns, a perfect picture of confusion and Lance wants to kiss the wrinkle his nose makes.

“But Lance, I’m right here.”

Lance wakes up with wet cheeks and a name caught on his heart.

Shiro doesn’t understand his dreams.

Most of the time it starts with nightmares, him bathed in a purple glow, in red blood, the stench of death putrid in the air. Shiro laughs and it’s not his voice. He was made to kill, he was killing. Bodies falling around him, his bodies? Keith choking out “I love you Shiro, please.”

Almost as quick as the mania sets in it fades.

There’s always music. And a familiar face.

Shiro doesn’t understand the rush of affection. It threatens to drown him.

He leans against Shiro, and Shiro can feel soft hair tickling his neck, and a warm cheek pressed against his shoulder. Shiro wants to protect him, wants to lo- no, no that can’t be right, Shiro hasn’t, not since Adam.

“It’s been a year Shiro.”

A year? But he’s right here. I’m right here.

He steps away from, and

Wakes up. The Garrison room is dark but Shiro’s arm glows faintly, a lonely night lamp to keep him company.

It’s been a year since Shiro’s soul was rescued from the astral. It’s been almost two since he died. He still wasn’t used to this body, his body . Like a center piece of jigsaw Shiro has been squeezing into a space that doesn’t quite fit.

The left side of his bed is cold and Shiro finds himself reaching for someone that isn’t there. He curls the duvet under his feet and tries not to search for memories that won’t be found.

“Sometimes I wish I never fell in love with you.”

Lance is curled beside Kuron.

This time they’re at the beach. Lance remembers this too. How could he not, when he was being thoroughly romanced with candles and a picnic. They had snuck out like rebellious teenagers after another boring diplomatic meeting, shushing each other between giggles. In all his memories, there was laughter and music.

Kuron is quiet beside him.

Lance winces then rolls his eyes and dramatically continues, “You’ve ruined love for me now, I’m never gonna get as perfect a man as I did with you.”

Kuron huffs and then laughs.

“You talk about me as if I’m dead, Lance.”

“Am I supposed to think you aren’t.”

Lance grimaces, an apology ready on his lips but Kuron just looks at him sadly, sweetly and strokes the smooth of his cheeks, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“Well now, this is just ridiculous.”

Shiro blinks his eyes open hazily, twisting to look at him, unwilling to move from his spot nuzzled against warm tan skin.

“I can’t believe I fell asleep just to dream about going to sleep.”

Shiro stares incredulously for a second, then bursts into giggles. The bed shakes with their laughter and it settles around them warm as a blanket.

“You were having a nightmare...the first time I, the first time we did this.”

“I’m always having a nightmare”

The man beside him rolls his eyes. “This was different. You were thrashing, you..you kept shouting our names. You were screaming for your mom.”

Shiro doesn’t know what to say to that. He hasn't called for his mother in years.

Their bodies lay entwined, almost like muscle memory, like they’ve done this before.

Except Shiro thinks he would have remembered having a space boyfriend, especially since his whole body was set on fire at every gentle touch, his heart barely contained in its ribcage.

Something niggles at the back of his mind, reminding him about the years lost as his clone masqueraded as himself, but Shiro firmly shoves the thought behind piles of other shit before it can fully form.

Chapter Text

“Hey Pidge. Any chance my clone had a secret love affair out in space?”

Pidge nearly drops her tablet as she gapes at Shiro.

“Nah, it sounds ridiculous even coming from my mouth, I mean, where would he even get the time in between managing all of you?”

Pidge rolls her eyes at Shiro’s grin and continues her typing.

“Does this by chance have anything to do with your ADEL?”

“My what?”

“Adventurous Dream Escapades of Love.” 

“Keith told.”

“And you trusted him? That’s on you Cap.”

Shiro slinks into his chair and pouts.

“First of all, I don’t know if they’re actual dreams they could be repressed clone memories.”

“Shiro, you don’t even know who they’re about.”

“That’s exactly why I want to find out.”

Pidge sighs and pushes her glasses up.

“Shiro, the clone’s gone. What’s the point in chasing his shadows?”

Shiro taps his nose and frowns. Sometimes Shiro forgot how perceptive Pidge was, he could already see her mind making a million different connections and interpretations.

“Not chasing, just, verifying. I did technically kill him. I just don’t want any loose ends that could hurt the team.”

“Oh a bridezilla huh? Alright old man.” Pidge grins, then purses her lips thoughtfully. The clack of her keyboard stops.

“Shiro what you’re afraid of will never happen again. But if you really want answers, you should ask Lance. He and the clone were awfully close.“

Well that was news to Shiro. Lance was an over enthusiastic ball of sunshine, ready for praise and quick with a quip, but other than a few friendly conversations, Shiro had hardly interacted with him outside of Voltron duties.

“Close huh.”

“Yep”, says Pidge, turning back to her work. “You guys used to have sleepovers and stuff, paint each other’s nails, talk about guys or girls, or whatever.”

Shiro’s face drops into a frown. He never had that kind of relationship with anyone on board, even if he did, it would've been with Keith. But Keith would’ve probably been horrified if Shiro showed up one day with nail polish and started waxing poetic about a guy’s eyes.

“Alright. Well, I guess I’ll speak to Lance about it then.”

Pidge hums distractedly in agreement as Shiro waves goodbye.

Lance hasn't talked to him since the war ended.

Lance has been avoiding Shiro.

It’s just that, after his death, Lance has been having these dreams and they’ve been blurring the lines between Kuron and Shiro.

And it’s just not fair! Shiro doesn’t even acknowledge Lance’s presence half the time and here Lance was pining after his clone, after him, the very existence of the thing that plagues Shiro.

Except, he was Shiro too. Or a version of him. A possibility. And boy did Lance exploit the hell out of that possibility didn’t he.

So yes. Lance has been avoiding Shiro. It’s been fairly easy to do, what with the Captain having to manage his own crew on top of Garrison duties. Everybody wants a piece of Captain Shirogane.

Blue hums comfortably around him as he clamours into his seat and checks her controls. He lets the sound wash over him, her presence in his mind a comforting balm. They were headed to the newly restored Olkarion to meet Keith, the main headquarters for the humanitarian efforts of the Voltron coalition and the Blade of Marmora.

After the war, many people were displaced. Lance remembers the stories his abuelita shared of fleeing a war, an angry dictator, of having to build a new life in a strange country. And Lance likes helping people. If that means he gets to explore new cultures and meet new people, well, it’s not like he should let Keith have all the fun.

“Oi, you were supposed to be here a varga ago, what took you so long.”

Lance grins as he spots Keith’s messy mullet-turned-ponytail on the busy space dock, and leaps from Blue’s ramp, deliberately crashing into Keith as he pulls him into a hug.

“Aw Keith did you miss me? I love what you’ve done to your hair by the way, don't scowl at me, you look very mango,”

“Very what now?”

“You know, juicy and sweet, bet you have all these dudes climbing just to take a bite”

Lance laughs as Keith lets out a squawk and shoves Lance off him, scowl slipping from his face into a pout.

After Lance decided to leave their rivalry behind, he had stumbled across the fact that Keith made the cutest reactions to casual flirting. When Lance had jokingly turned the old Mcclain charm to the mullet, he had turned bright red and choked on his tongue, the poor boy reduced to stuttering in confusion.

Keith drags his hand down his red face and glares at Lance.

“You know we have a meeting with the coalition in what? 10 ticks?”

“Yea, something about the Pluxtonians not wanting to accept Galran refugees right?” Lance says carefully, gauging Keith’s reaction.

Keith’s frown returns. He had long since come to term with his half-Galran heritage but it never gets easier, even after the Empire was dismantled and peace was restored.

“I know what the Galra have done is unforgivable but, I wish they’d understand that most Galran civilians just want to live peacefully. The Blade is already expending most of their resource into finding these rebels.”

Lance sighs and reaches to ruffle Keith’s hair. Keith shoves his hand away and throws him a half-hearted glare as he reaches to check his braid.

Linking his arm around Keith’s, Lance ignores his whine of protest and drags him in a half-skip towards the main coalition building, “Come on mullet, let’s go do this diplomacy thing and see if that works out.”

The marketplace in the centre of the intergalactical relations district was one of the most vibrant and colourful places Shiro had ever seen. Stalls of different artifacts from all across the universe, weird knick knacks and funky tech, not to mention the food. Fried, dried, salted, baked, burned in a supernova, you name it they probably have it. And yet nothing was quite interesting enough to distract Shiro from his thoughts.

Because clearly he hasn't been doing anything right. How was the clone so different to him anyway? Wasn't he made to be Shiro’s replicate? So what was Shiro not doing? Why didn’t Lance just, talk to him.

Shiro sighs as he fiddles around with a...space rubix cube? Great now he doesn't even know what he’s doing at this stall and the owner looks two seconds from yelling at him to buy something or leave.

The owner huffs at him and Shiro sullenly puts the rubix cube thingy down and walks towards a taiyaki stall. Did Lance think the clone was better? A better friend? A better leader? Was this why Lance was avoiding him? Why did Shiro have to care so much anyway? It’s not like he—

“Shiro? What are you doing here? I thought you’d be back on the Garrison.”

Shiro nearly drops his taiyaki.

“Keith! Wow, look at you, you look, how have you been?”

Shiro scrambles to school his expression into a casual, cool and definitely not at all stressed one, and chooses to focus on Keith’s..braid?

“Wow Keith, I knew you admired Kolivan but,” Shiro grins and gestures to his hair.

Keith groans and buries his (increasingly red) face into his hands.

“You and Lance are both terrible people.” Keith whines.

Wait. Lance?

“Stop talking about my hairstyle goddamit!”

Lance was with Keith?

“Hey, Shiro..? Are you okay? You look...stressed.”

Shiro starts and frowns.

“Yea about that, hey did my clone ever have a relat-”

“Keith! Look a taiyaki stall, oh man, Sh-Kuron always told me they were his favour-ommf”

This time Shiro does drop his taiyaki.

Because came barrelling into Keith and tripping into Shiro’s arms was Lance himself, curly haired and bright eyed as ever, filling everyone with his sunshine.

“Uh. Hi Lance, how..have you been?”

Chapter Text

Lance’s heart trips over itself as he slowly, horrifically, finds himself seated in Shiro’s lap like he still belongs there. Shiro’s firm and very comfortable lap. A jolt of arousal shocks Lance’s spine as he realizes he’s straddling Shiro holyshitohfuckohgod w h y. Lance all but scrambles away. 

Then finds himself abruptly pulled up by an exasperated Keith, seemingly unaware of Lance’s internal tornado. 

Because of course Lance had to have the best luck in the universe. 

Lance stares as Shiro smiles faintly at him as he rises, his hands frozen in place before he carefully, methodically, places them by his side. 

Lance wants to bang his head against the wall for putting that awful mechanical smile on Shiro’s face. 

I used to kiss that smile off his face. Lance could have sobbed on the spot. If not for Keith smacking his arm hard enough to jolt him.

“For someone with impeccable aim how are you always so blind to your surroundings.” 

“Hey! It’s because of my narrow focus that I’ve saved your mullet-haired ass so many times okay!” Lance pouts indignantly as Keith grins and turns to Shiro.

“Anyway, before this clumsy ass interrupted, Shiro what was your question?” 

Shiro froze in place, his expression caught like a deer. Lance glances curiously up at him to catch his eyes dart quickly away from his own towards to the taiyaki on the ground. 

Ah. Lance is an idiot.

“Shit, Shiro I’m so sorry! Let me buy you another one, your favorite is azuki right? Hold on. You guys carry on, don’t mind me at all!” Lance flusteredly pats for his wallet and ducks past Shiro’s awkward frame to approach the stall. 

“Shiro? What were you going to ask?” 

“Ah, well, um, did I, I mean, did my clone, ever have a relationship out in space?” 

Lance nearly trips into the whole stand as the stall owner impatiently gestures to him to collect his treat. Don’t ask me don’t ask me don’t ask me do–

“Huh? Shiro, I was absent for most of this, hey Lance! Lance?” 

Don’t ask me don’t ask me I said don’t ask–

Lance turns robotically towards them, a smile plastered painfully stretched on his face, as he tries not to breathe or give away his very loud internal screaming. 

Keith stares at him like he's contemplating sending Lance to an insane asylum with shady illegal practices and asks, “What's wrong with your face?”

I’m going to kill you replies Lance’s eyes. 

But Lance’s mouth just stretches even wider as he palms Shiro his taiyaki and says in a vaguely (very) stilted voice, “Haha. Keith. You’re so funny. What do you even mean.” 

Lance does not want to see what expression Shiro has on his face and keeps himself tactfully (it was not tactful) angled away. 

Keith just looks at him incredulously and shakes his head. 

“Alright weirdo, anyway, Shiro wants to know if the clone had any flings out in space.“ Keith raises his brow expectedly and jerks his head at Shiro’s direction. Lance could almost hear him say, stop being whatever this is and TALK to Shiro normally for God’s sake. 

Lance wants to combust. 

“Well, not a fling, exactly, but um, I’ve been having weird dreams, he’s, uh. Uh, I can never see his face, it’s just. I think it was serious?” 

Lance feels as if a bucket of ice has been thrown over his astral soul. He sucks in a breath and feels each painful string in his chest clench tight as the familiar bitter loneliness echos in the empty auditorium of his heart. 

He turns slowly to meet Shiro’s bashful grey eyes and pauses, his body suddenly very very cold.

“You couldn’t see his face?” 

Shiro shakes his head. 

“Then just forget about him.” 

The words were said softly but Shiro’s mouth drops open in surprise anyway. Lance turns away before Shiro can say anything more and stalks towards the coalition buildings, glittering as ice, towering over the market. 

Shiro could barely hear Keith complaining about Lance’s weirdness.

Because holy shit Lance definitely knows something, just how close was the clone to Lance? Why was Lance so upset? Was it a bad breakup or something? Did this guy break the clone’s heart? What happened???? 

Pidge was wrong, Lance did not answer his questions, Lance gave him more questions and Shiro doesn’t even feel like teasing Pidge on being wrong which obviously means Lance has effectively broken him because one of Shiro’s joys in life is teasing the Holt siblings. 

“Seriously man, I don’t know what’s up with him, I’ll go knock some sense when I’m back. Shiro? Shiro!” 

Shiro starts as Keith snaps his fingers. 

“Are you alright? You’ve been even more spacey lately...do. Do you wanna talk to someone about this?” 

“Huh?” 

Shiro blinks at Keith’s look of concern and huffs a snort. Keith has been looking out for him for far too long. 

“Seriously man, I know a guy, like a therapist, we stumbled across this planet and the people there are like energy doctors or something, we sent a couple of BoMs there for treatment on account of severe PTSD and within a few months they were back on their feet.” 

Keith pauses and looks hesitantly at Shiro. Shiro could feel what Keith‘s about to say. 

You’ve been through a lot Shiro.

“....you’ve been through a lot Shiro.” 

It’s no wonder you have problems. 

“Anyone in your place would have...problems..” 

Go get yourself fixed for fuck’s sake. 

“I’ll leave you the coordinates okay? Just think about it...it could be good for you..” 

Shiro just smiles warmly at Keith and gave him a clap on the shoulder. 

“I’ll think about it.” 

Keith didn’t look like he believed him. 

Lance doesn’t want to go to sleep. Keith has been blowing up his communicator and Lance can almost hear him asking what-the-fuck-was-that-whole-conversation and what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you-Lance and honestly he’s tired alright, he’s had a long day. 

But Lance absolutely does not want to fall asleep. Because he just knows he’ll see Kuron in his dreams tonight. Or apparently Shiro, because Shiro’s been having “weird dreams” about a boyfriend he couldn’t see so who fucking knows but Lance was not risking it. Lance may just blurt out his whole identity and ask Shiro right then and there just who he thinks he is to masquerade in Kuron’s place. 

But oh god does Lance want one more moment with Kuron. Even just to touch him. When Shiro held him he— no. No. Lance squeezes his eyes shut but the image and all its sensations dredges up anyway and Lance whines into his pillow as he kicks the duvet in petulantly.

Because when Shiro held him, it was like Kuron was the one holding him. And Shiro’s thighs were so strong and firm and boy were they like the perfect seat for Lance’s ass, and Shiro’s warm muscle-y arms were so tight around him, like Lance never had to worry about anything ever again and that stubble when he had brushed against him could literally make Lance swoon but. 

But the way Shiro looked at him was like Lance was the biggest inconvenience on earth, and yea, sure, Shiro always looked at him like that, but Kuron looked at him like he was the world. 

Lance flops on his back and pulls the duvet over his head as he tries not to sob. A whole year of mourning. And yet his beloved’s corpse was walking and talking and laughing. Except his beloved was dead. He died the moment Shiro opened his eyes, and didn’t spare Lance another glance. 

Warm air dances across Lance's skin as a welcoming light kisses his eyelids, lighting his world in red. He flickers his eyes open and squints against the glare of the sun, breathing in the salty breeze playing in his hair.

Ah the ocean. I promised to take you to the ocean. Do you see it? Do you like it? 

Lance swings his legs out as he sits on the edge of the boardwalk, the morning sun warming his skin as the sea breeze whispers in his ear. 

Below him children play on the beach and the bright blue sea stretches out to greet them, twinkling in the sunlight. 

“Do you like it? I promised we’d visit when we got to earth. I’m sorry I didn’t keep my promise.” 

“How did you know it was me?” 

Kuron, no, Shiro, asks. 

Lance gives a small smile and turns away from Shiro as he ungracefully tries to mimic Lance’s way of sitting. 

“You think I don’t know what your footsteps sound like?” 

Lance laughs softly then sighs. 

“How else would I know to run out and greet you, before you even touched the door?” 

Shiro looks over at Lance, a curious expression on his face. 

Lance catches his eye and smiles at him, teasing, “I know I look extra pretty today, so you don’t need to tell me okay?” 

Shiro laughs and Lance tries to memorize the sound. If he can’t be with Kuron in waking, at least while he’s dreaming let him dream. 

“I didn’t want to see you today,” Lance bites his lip as Shiro drops his smile, “I wanted to stay the whole night awake so wouldn’t have to see you.” 

Shiro turns his gaze into his palms, his eyes soft and sad. 

“But I’m glad I did. I miss you. I miss you everyday. But I’ll be okay. I’ll be okay without you. So, so,” Lance takes in a shaky breath. 

“You should move on Takashi. Move on. Okay? Don’t try to find me. Don’t.” Lance swears softly as he feels tears pricking his eyes. “Don’t try to look for me alright?” 

Lance sighs as tears cloud his vision. And then he feels the gentle warmth, softly touching his face, cupping his cheeks as those callous thumbs, slowly, lovingly, wipe the falling tears away. 

“How can I ask you to wait for me?” Shiro asks, softly. “How can say, I am trying to find my way back to you?” 

Lance sobs as Shiro carefully pulls him close to rest his cheek on that sturdy shoulder. 

“Isn’t it selfish to ask you to wait? Can I be selfish and ask you to wait?” 

Lance chokes a sob and Shiro tightens his arms around him. Around them the sea crashes gently. 

“Will you wait for me, love?” 

And really, how could Lance ever say no? 

Chapter Text

Wake up Lance. Please.

Shiro has spent the last 15min banging down Lance’s door and he was getting very strange looks. An elderly Klonopian glares at him suspiciously and Shiro, ever the diplomat, returns a charming awkward smile.

How can one person be this hard to wake up anyway? You mean this hard when he wakes up.

What.

How could I possibly know that it’s not like I’ve slept with him.

Shiro shakes his head aggressively. Why are his thoughts always so loud!

But don’t you want to?

“No I don’t!”

Shiro startles himself. And the thought of Lance straddling him in the market flashes in his mind. Shiro could feel the strong muscles on Lance’s thighs tensing, could feel his ass pressing against— He’s a friend! He’s just a friend! A teammate, a brother in arms!

Oh god Shiro was going insane. Is this what a lack of sex does to people? How was Lance still asleep anyway! Fuck it, we came for answers, we’re not leaving until we get them.

Override accepted, Captain Shirogane.

Shiro steps into the room and squints against the dark. The ceiling winks with artificial stars and Shiro smiles. He used to have glow stars up in his childhood room. Huh. Shiro doesn’t remember when Lance told him that.

“Hey good morning La—“

“Takashi what the fuck are you doing in my room.”

Lance shot right up, hair sticking up in twenty different directions as he looked aghast, clutching his pillow dramatically to his chest. Shiro bursts into laughter, suppressing the urge to tousle Lance’s hair. Lance looks at him like a kitten confused by his reflection and Shiro doesn’t know what to do with the surge of affection that wells up in him. He called me Takashi.

“You called me Takashi.”

And immediately regrets saying that as Lance’s face pales and his bottom lip starts to tremble.

“Hey, it’s okay, you can call me Tak—“

“Get out.”

Shiro’s heart drops to his feet.

“Wait, Lance, please, I’m sorry. I’m just really confused—“

“I can’t help you with this.”

Lance turns his back to Shiro and slides into his bedroom slippers. Shiro would smile at the familiarity if the sight of Lance turning his back to him doesn’t make him want to cry.

“You called me Takashi.” Shiro ignores Lance’s flinch at the name, ”You wouldn’t’ve call me that if you. If we weren’t close. Before.”

“But we weren’t close. Shiro.” Lance stands up and shuffles towards the small kitchenette.

“I don’t under—“

“You don’t understand.”

Lance turns to face Shiro, his face blank and hollow. Behind him the kettle rattles. 

Shiro sits at the edge of the bed, unsure of himself, and even more unsure of Lance.

Lance breaks his gaze and sighs.

“You’re not him. You’re not...my friend. My friend died when you woke up. And you are Shiro. Our leader. Our teammate. And you are not—“

Lance looks at him fiercely.

“You should not be forced to maintain or want relationships that didn’t have your consent.”

Shiro frowns, and chews his lip and taps his nose, and feels very very affronted, because,

“Who said I didn’t want to be friends with you?”

Lance throws him a look of utter disbelief and shakes his head.

“You never did before. And anything the..the clone did wasn’t you.”

“So go out with me.”

Lance flushes a bright maroon and Shiro is hit with his words

“I, meant go out for like a coffee or a drink I mean, not like that, but I mean, you know, as a friend, and I’d really like to get to know you and— ah geez what am I saying, I meant,”

Shiro cut off mid ramble as the sound of bright laughter filled the room. Lance keels over, clutching at his stomach, breath coming out punched as he gasps.

And Shiro grins, as a warm feeling glows in his chest and spills over his body.

Lance huffs the remnants of laughter and turns to pour two cups of coffee.

“You know, that was almost exactly what he said to me.”

Shiro holds his breathe. Lance turns and hands him a cup, a wistful smile ghosting his face.

“He asked me out for a drink. And I asked him if it was a date and he just blushed and stumbled through a whole speech about team bonding and getting to know me respectfully as a friend but not that I wasn’t a catch and—“

Lance stares into his coffee cup and Shiro stares at him, it would be so easy to reach out and stroke his cheek.

“Well anyway, cheers.”

Lance clinks his cup against his and grins at Shiro’s startled expression.

“Let’s go out for coffee sometime.”

Let’s go out for coffee sometime.

!!Let’s go out for coffee sometime!! 

Shiro could have whooped with joy. But he didn’t. He did, however, have a very hard time keeping the grin off his face. Lance rolls his eyes.

“Is some poor part of town having a blackout right now? Cuz your smile could be a thousand watts.”

Shiro laughs. “That was terrible!”

“Hey! You wanted to be friends. This comes with the territory!”

“Terrible flirting comes with being friends?”

“Please it’s basically a requirement, oh god, you should’ve seen Keith’s face the first time I complimented his muscles. The guy nearly had an aneurysm!” Lance eyes twinkles and Shiro finds himself drawn in, hanging on his every word, smiling harder as Lance becomes more and more animated. It was like having a light switched on inside him.

Is this how everyone feels when Lance is in the room?

God no wonder he’s a diplomat, Shiro was ready to end wars just for the man to keep smiling at him like that.

“—then I said, Keith, I could bounce a coin off your ass, and Shiro, you’ll never believe how he responded. Shiro? Shiro!” 

Shiro snaps to attention. “Hi! Yes. How? Did he respond?”

Lance gives him a weird look then smiles playfully. “Did you drift off there bud? What’sa matter, dazzled by my aura?”

“Yes, actually.”

Shiro bites the inside of his cheek to keep from grinning as Lance starts to flush. He stands up and leans over Lance to set his cup on the counter. He can feel Lance’s blush radiating off him.

“Well, anyway, I have to get going. And so do you Mr. Diplomat. So I’ll text you okay?”

Lance blinks at him, still frozen and Shiro internally coos at the sight.

“About coffee?”

“Oh! Yes! Coffee. Yes. Text me then. Alright.”

Lance looks for all the world, lost as he stares at Shiro opening the door.

And Shiro grins.

“See ya Lance.”

Chapter Text

What was he doing? What was he doing? Coffee. With Shiro. After all this time Shiro wants to be friends. And Lance knows, he knows it’s because Shiro needs help finding his lost lover, needs that closure. And Lance wants to give it to him, he does. But a bitter part of Lance wants desperately to cut and run, to lash out and scream at Shiro, ask him why now, why look at him now when he’s never bothered to before, when he only wants something from Lance and doesn’t actually want to know him the way Kuron knew him.

Lance sighs. The whole day on a loop, half awake in meetings and discussions, thinking and grieving, thoughts swirling. He rubs the back of his neck and glances blearily at the clock. 9pm. Eh, early enough for a quick swim. Lance grabs his towel and heads to the pool.

Sweet sweet water. Everything melts away under water, and the thoughts flow gently as Lance moves like he was born in it. A nearby splash has Lance tilting his head to squint at—Lance splutters and flails coming up to gape at Shiro, lounging in the jacuzzi.

Shiro throws him a lazy smile and waves. Lance wants to haul himself out of here and run back to his room and hide, or better yet, sink beneath the waves and drown. But Shiro was still looking at him and well, Lance was weak. Shaking the hair out of his eyes, he dives back in and swims towards the edge, hauling himself over into the hot bubbling water. Shiro gives him a grin. Lance wants so desperately to kiss him.

“Heya sharpshooter, didn’t think there’d be anyone here this late at night but then you always did like night swimming.” Shiro sighs happily as he sinks into the water, his arms outstretched. Lance tracks the movement of his arms, his shoulders, the veins on his neck, and wants. He looks away and focuses on the bubbles surrounding him instead. Shiro…wasn’t his to want anymore after all.

Lance nearly jumps out of his skin as something kicks his feet. He stares incredulously at Shiro, who‘s looking away innocently. Oh ho, it is on. Lance kicks back at Shiro, and suddenly they’re both locked in a feet tussle. They splash about and Shiro laughs loud and happy. Lance is so distracted he nearly gets dragged into the water. Shiro’s eyes glint playfully and Lance scrunches his nose in a faux pout, locks his legs around Shiro’s and yanks. Shiro goes slipping straight under the bubbles and scrambles to cling to Lance as he pulls him back up to the surface, laughing. Shiro shakes the water out his eyes and grins hard as Lance giggles, the two of them clutching each other.

“Got you to laugh.” Shiro tilts his head and Lance holds his breath, suddenly aware of all the bare parts of his skin touching Shiro’s. “You looked like you needed it.”

And Shiro is, Shiro is staring at him like he wants — Lance pushes himself away. Doesn’t meet his eyes and laughs nervously. Shiro smiles and lets him drift away.

“That was fun,” Lance gives him a small smile, hoping to god nothing betrays his rabbit heart, leaping in his throat. He turns to jump out but Shiro looks, ah Shiro has that mechanical smile on again. Lance’s heart breaks. Impulsively he leans forward and presses a kiss to Shiro’s cheek. “Thanks for cheering me up Captain,” Lance splashes out the tub and grabs his towel. “Good night!” He yells, practically sprinting out the pool side door.

“Good night.” Mumbles Shiro dazedly, his hand still gently touching his cheek as he stares at the strong expanse of Lance’s back, disappearing through the doors. Oh he was such a goner. 

Shiro hadn’t expected to bump to Lance tonight but it was good to see him. It was very good to see him. Shiro couldn’t stop the grin taking over his face. Lance had kissed him. Take that clone. 

Shiro practically bounded to his rooms.

Lance had kissed him. What was he thinking? What happened to cutting and running?? What happened to keeping a distance??? Lance you foolish foolish lovesick fool, this is how you get your heart broken. But oh, that horrid horrid smile that Shiro wears whenever something makes him unsure or insecure, Lance hates it. Never wants to see it on his face. Couldn’t just leave him there when he had tried so hard to cheer him up.

Still, a kiss Lance really?? Couldn’t you have just hugged him? Lance thinks of the swell of Shiro’s chest, his strong arms in the heat of the pool, water trailing down his torso and all that bare skin on display. Lance curls into his duvet and blushes. Somehow a hug would’ve been worse.

Shiro tosses and turns in his sheets. The image of Lance’s shoulders, his arms, his body moving seamlessly through the water. The way his hair curled around his face, how he had slicked it back, staring at Shiro like he wanted—

Shiro swallowed. Could feel himself harden against his thigh. Throws an apology to Lance as he curls a hand around himself and groans. Remembering the way they slid against each other in the tub, their legs pressed together. The slope of his cheeks and the water clinging to his lashes as he laughed. How Lance’s long fingers wrapped around his legs, his thighs. Shiro chokes on a moan as he spills into his hand.

Lance moans as he feels the hot press of lips against his neck, and knows immediately, that he’s dreaming. Lance scrambles away from Kuron. Their bed, a mess of sheets, their feet tangled together. Their bed. And after he had kissed Shiro too. Lance wants to cry under the guilt. But Kuron just reaches to cradle his face and pepper gentle kisses on his cheek, his eyes, his nose. Lance giggles wetly and clutches at his shoulders.

“I know this is difficult for you. You know when I saw you today, oh it made me weak in the knees. You were beautiful in the water.”

“Oh stop it, you.” Lance smiles as Kuron nips at his nose.

“Mm when you dragged me under. Oh I missed the way you feel.” Kuron presses a kiss to his jaw. Lance closes his eyes and wills himself not to cry. He is so so tired of crying. “I miss you too. You are my whole heart. And I miss you.”

Kuron smiles and turns to kiss him, deep and proper, lips sliding over his, opening up his mouth and licking in. Lance could feel himself losing control, letting himself be pulled into Kuron, melting. The slide of their bodies slick and hot and overwhelming and Lance wonders, when did they lose their clothes. But Kuron sucks a bruise into his neck and Lance loses all coherent thought, willingly dragged into the whirlpool of Kuron’s hands, his mouth, his hips.

Chapter Text

Shiro wakes up, his body sticky with sweat and other things. And he’s hit with a wave of guilt, last night’s dream vivid in his mind. How so much love was held in every touch of his lover’s embrace. How could he excuse himself for flirting with Lance and basking in that affection when he has a lover, somewhere out there mourning their lost one. Shiro feels like sleazebag. He frowns to himself. He needs to set aside these growing feelings for Lance. Set some firm boundaries until he finds this lover and break things off cleanly. The last thing he wants is to drag Lance into a messy triangle. Lance deserves better than that. Lance deserves to be swept off his feet by someone who can devote his whole heart to him. And right now, Shiro is still dealing with the clone’s baggage.

So. Coffee. With Lance. Today. Shiro will just have to be direct and clear about his intentions. So why did he feel so uneasy?

Lance is having a good day, a great day even! He had flown Blue off planet for a quick interplanetary meeting at New Altea, had a lovely afternoon soirée with Allura and Lotor and now he was going for coffee with Shiro. Nothing could ruin his mood.

Especially after last night. Lance knew this was only in his dreams but, oh, it felt so good to be in Kuron’s arms. With his Takashi, his heart. And sure he woke up lonely and aching and desperately empty in more ways than one but Lance is not thinking about that let him be happy dammit.

And there was Shiro now! Lance smiles cheerfully and could feel the metaphorical clouds parting as sunshine streamed down around them. Shiro looks good! He was wearing an adorable tee that stretched over those delicious pecs and he had a mechanical smile on his face and oh. Just like that, the clouds come back over Lance as his smile falters.

Shiro nudges a cup over to Lance as he sits down. “I took the liberty of ordering for you, you still like caramel latte?” Lance nods and takes a sip.

Shiro sighs wearily and Lance frowns into his cup. “There’s no easy way to say this Lance. But if you know anything about the clone’s love affair, please help me resolve this. I’m just.” Shiro sighs again, running his hand down his cheek. “It’s such a mess, having these dreams and these phantom feelings. I don’t want them and I, I didn’t choose this.”

Shiro stares earnestly at Lance and Lance wants to look away. Wants to crawl into the earth in his shame. Because whilst Lance treasures these dreams, Shiro…Shiro despises them. Shiro doesn’t want this lover, doesn’t want Lance and Lance can’t blame him.

Shiro reaches to place his hand over Lance’s and Lance barely suppresses his flinch. “If you know anything about where they are, please, help me find them. I have to end this before I can move forward, so I can choose who I want to love, without this weighing over me.”

Lance couldn’t tear his eyes away. Because Shiro deserves to be free of this, deserves to be free of Lance. And ah, there’s that god awful ache, because Lance is getting left all over again. Kuron dying in his arms, his Takashi leaving and leaving and leaving. He pulls his hand back to his chest. Shiro still looking earnestly at him. So Lance nods shakily and wills himself to bury all the hurt far below the surface. Opens his mouth to tell the truth and. And. Oh he can’t. He can’t. He wants to stay, he wants to stay by Shiro’s side, however he lets him stay. Doesn’t want to see the fury and disgust that would come when Shiro finds out it’s him, he’s the baggage, he’s the leftover mess hanging over Shiro’s head.

“I can’t tell you.” Lance claps a hand over his mouth, terrified. Gets up and flees. Shiro calling his name behind him.