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Namjoon looks at him differently.
He doesn't know when he started to notice this, maybe when he started looking at Namjoon differently too, but he knows because he's seen the way Namjoon looks at him, has caught Namjoon in the act one too many times. Aside from that he's seen videos, interviews, fancams and he knows.
Jimin knows that look because it's exactly what he sees in his own eyes looking at Namjoon because he's seen the videos of himself too, when he thought no one was looking, but in reality everyone was looking.
It's always different from the way Namjoon looks at the other members, with love and pride and happiness. He looks at Jimin with stars in his almond eyes, with wonder and amazement. With affection and protection. His gaze softens when he looks at Jimin, like he doesn't want to hurt the younger, or maybe he just can't help the way his gaze changes when he sees how small, soft, and sweet Jimin is.
Namjoon looks at him like he's the single most precious and beautiful person in the world.
Not only has Jimin noticed the looks, but he notices that Namjoon touches him differently. Not the playful teasing way he touches the other members, with high fives, and shoulder bumps, and slaps on the back. Namjoon always touches him gently, a supportive hand on his shoulder, or an arm protectively curled around his waist, a hand on his thigh - but it only rests there briefly, like he's afraid to make Jimin uncomfortable.
Jimin craves human touch. He loves it wherever he can get it, soaks it in like it's the most important vitamin a body could need. But the fleeting brushes of the makeup and hair stylist are always cold and unsatisfying. And he expects the touches he gets from the maknae and the hugs and cuddles he gets from Taehyung. They've always been like that with each other.
Jimin never expects the touches from Namjoon, their leader who said himself he struggles with showing affection to the members. Namjoon's fear of being rejected probably keeps him from being as affectionate as Jimin knows the leader is. So when Namjoon touches him it feels special, and Jimin likes to think Namjoon enjoys touching him, likes to have the younger near him.
They've gotten close over the years, sharing thoughts and losing sleep talking to each other about music, and dreams, and Army, and just life in general.
It's always been like this but Jimin thinks it's different now. It feels different. It's like there's a gravitational pull always bringing them together, and the distance has been closing more and more.
Namjoon touches him easier too, smiles at him softly with twin dimples, always offers him words of encouragement and praise.
And Jimin thinks he might be falling in love with the leader. He knows he shouldn't but it's been brewing for years and can't help but want the other man.
Namjoon who's so smart and hard working but also shy and modest and humble. Tall and handsome and clumsy and every part of him makes Jimin's heart swell.
As bad as falling for the leader and fellow band mate is, it doesn't feel that way. The come together naturally, comfortably, like they were meant to be.
And Jimin doesn't know for sure, but when Namjoon looks at him that way, he can't help but think he feels the same.
It's one of those nights after a concert when Jimin's finished showering and removed all his makeup and changed into comfortable clothes that he feels lonely.
Sometimes concerts do that to him. Either he's sad because he felt he could have done better, or because he misses Army so much.
He doesn't want to be alone, and instead of crawling into Jungkook or Taehyung's bed like he usually would he finds himself softly knocking on the door and entering the leaders room.
Namjoon seems surprised but happy to see Jimin, showered and dressed similarly to Jimin, laying beneath the white hotel bedsheets looking on his phone.
Namjoon gives a soft greeting and pats the space beside him so Jimin slips under the covers and it's a large bed but he lays closely to Namjoon, not enough to touch but enough to feel his warmth.
"Are you ok?" Namjoon asks and it's not with his leader voice but with a soft, caring voice.
Jimin just nods, pulling sleeves up to cover his hands because he just feels cold. The type of cold a hot shower and thick blankets can't cure. The type of warmth you can only get in the arms someone you love.
"You did good tonight," Namjoon says after a moment of silence, still looking at his phone but Jimin thinks he's not really looking at it because he can see the Twitter app brought up but Namjoons fingers haven't moved since Jimin slipped in beside him.
"You always do good, but you did really good tonight. Army loves you."
Jimin smiles and feels slightly better. Maybe Namjoon is saying that because he knows Jimin likes to be praised, but his words sound so sincere and he thinks Namjoon really means it.
"Thank you hyung," Jimin whispers, and he's laying on his side facing Namjoon who's on his back so he shifts a little closer and presses his forehead to Namjoon's bicep, skin warm and soft and Jimin needed that, to feel the other not just see him.
"I miss them," Jimin says and his voice sounds a little raspy because he sang his heart out tonight. "I always miss Army after concerts, but tonight I just... I had so much fun and I really miss them."
Namjoon finally sets his phone aside, screen having gone black minutes ago, but he doesn't move, just settles beside Jimin, resting his hand over his stomach and Jimin wants to reach out and hold it.
And he loves how Namjoon does that. Gives Jimin his undivided attention without saying a word. He always knows what Jimin needs and how to help him and it makes Jimin feel important and cherished.
"We'll be doing a concert again soon. Get some rest so you can enjoy it fully. And you should do a V soon. Army misses you too."
Jimin sighs and starts to trace a small pattern on Namjoon's bicep. "I know, I just..."
"It's ok. Do it when you're ready. But it might make you feel better."
And he loves how Namjoon does that too. Saying something so softly and full of concern.
Jimin takes a few breaths, feeling his heart race and trying to calm it. He wants to tell Namjoon how he feels but he's scared of what he will think and what this will mean.
But whenever the leader does this to him, dropping that leader role and just being that comforting strong person Jimin needs, he can't help but want even more.
Maybe he should just leave this soft, warm spot next to Namjoon and go back to his own room so he doesn't mess everything up. It took so long to earn this sport next to Namjoon, where he can open up about his thoughts and worries and not be judged. So long to finally be able to touch the leader, even if they are just a hand on a thigh or an arm around a waist.
Namjoon has gone quite, like he's intune with Jimin and senses the other is stressed and wants to give him time to sort his thoughts.
Jimin squeezes his eyes shut and curls his fingers around Namjoon's elbow.
"I miss you too." He whispers it so softly he hopes Namjoon doesn't hear but it's gotten so quiet that of course he hears.
"I'm right here Minie," Namjoon says and his tone tells that he's slightly confused by Jimin's words but wants to be comforting and understanding anyway.
"I know. But I miss us, back in AHL days when we were assigned together, and I miss our talks and going out together like we did that night for bon voyage, and I miss going on walks and taking bike rides..." Jimin spits all this out and takes a breath waiting.
Namjoon doesn't make him wait long, shifting slightly to his side to face him and Jimin presses his forehead to Namjoon's clavicle.
"You've been missing me since AHL?" Namjoon says this with a chuckle but there's seriousness in his tone. He seems unsure of what to do with Jimin so close - they haven't actually cuddled before - but finally settles a hand on Jimin's arm, rubbing softly.
That's another item added to the list of things Jimin loves about Kim Namjoon. The "god of destruction" who's really just a little clumsy and doesn't know where to put his long limbs sometimes, harmless in his own right but breaks things anyway - is always so gentle with the small vocalist. Suddenly he knows exactly what to do with his body and touches Jimin with so much care. Of all the things he's managed to break, Namjoon has never hurt him.
Jimin almost doesn't feel cold anymore.
"We've been busy. Even though we see each other every day... It feels like I don't get to be with you enough." And Jimin just wants to know Namjoon feels that same. His heart is breaking I little by feeling alone.
"Jimin..."
He cant read that. Can't tell if it's a warning, or just trying to get his attention. Jimin doesn't want to be denied by Namjoon, and he doesn't want to be away from him anymore, so he does what he's never done before and buries his face in Namjoon's neck, breathing in his warm earthy scent. When Namjoon tenses he digs his fingers into the shirt at Namjoon's back because he doesn't want to let go, holding Namjoon's strong body against his which feels so weak and fragile and he thinks ye might fall apart if Namjoon doesn't hold him.
Namjoon finally wraps his arm around the body that looks alot smaller right now than it actually is and pulls him close. He doesn't know what this means to Jimin and he doesn't ask, too scared. But he likes this, feeling Jimin snuggled into his chest and knowing Jimin is safe. He's never told anyone that he's always wanted to hold Jimin like this, and it feels so good now that he finally is.
"I don't want to leave." Jimin murmurs, relaxing into Namjoon.
"Sleep here." Here. Not in this bed but here in Namjoon's arms and Jimin does.
After Namjoon turns off the light and and adjusts the blankets around them, he pulls Jimin into his arms and they fit together easier than they did before.
"I miss you too," Namjoon says quietly before they fall asleep. And Jimin finally knocks out with a smile on his face.
Jimin doesn't sneak right back into Namjoon's bed the next few nights. He's a little scared. Maybe Namjoon won't want him next time. But nothing seems to change. Namjoon still looks at him with softness and adoration and still gives him brief touches, but now theres something like understanding in his eyes and maybe a bit of longing.
Namjoon seems to play with him on stage more as well, chasing him during Anpanman or giving finger hearts to army with him and always pinching his cheek at some point.
Jimin's had a particularly good time on stage and he slips into Namjoon's room again after his shower, feeling a little nervous but high off of Army's cheers.
Namjoon smiles when he sees Jimin and doesn't even offer the spot next to him, Jimin just lays next to him and hugs Namjoon's side, laying his head on Namjoons chest.
"Missed you," Namjoon says, laying his hand over Jimin's on his chest. Jimin hasn't removed his rings yet so Namjoon starts to twist them.
"I'm right here," Jimin teases, mimicking Namjoon from a few nights ago.
Namjoon huff's out a laugh, going on to explain. "I mean I missed you sleeping here."
So far Jimin has only slept in the leaders arms once, but Namjoon misses him just with that little bit and it means something.
"I wanted to...I just wasn't sure it was ok."
"You can, whenever you want. I like you here." Namjoon admits softly, squeezing Jimin's pinky.
"I like you," Jimin blurts out suddenly and his face blushes.
"I like you too," Namjoon replys but its tinted with humor and Jimin thinks Namjoon misunderstood him.
He could let it go....but he feels daring and confident after their amazing concert, so he pushes himself up off of Namjoon's chest and momentarily loses his breath. Namjoon looks gorgeous in the soft light from the bedside lamp, skin clear of makeup and Jimin can see all of the leaders beautiful moles. And Namjoon's eyes are hooded but there's a brightness in them as he looks at Jimin.
"I mean...I think I like you Joonie. I think....I think I love you." It's hard to say those words, but when he does it feels like relief.
Namjoon's eyes widen because he gets it this time. He gets it. They love Jin, and Yoongi, and Hoseok, and Taehyung, and Jungkook....but Jimin maybe possibly loves him and...
Namjoon reaches up to cup a soft cheek, stroking over the skin gently.
"Really?" He asks, letting that hand slip into Jimin's hair. "Because I know I like you."
Jimin's eyes widen just like Namjoon's had, and his mouth goes slack.
"Joon..."
"I love you, I have for so long but I didn't know what to do about it."
Jimin can't believe what the leader is saying, that it's exactly what he had felt.
"Kiss me?" Jimin asks, and his voice is like air.
Namjoon leans up on his elbows, and their noses bump together. A little too eager, their lips meet and it's awkward at first until Namjoon adjusts the angle and suddenly licks into his mouth. Jimin feels his core shake, and he lets out a sigh.
Namjoon gently tugs on Jimin, pulling him into his lap, needed him as close as possible, and it feels unbelievably good to have the smaller male finally in his arms, and he can't seem to stop his hands from mapping out Jimin's body.
Jimin slips his fingers into Namjoon's hair and his nails scrape against his scalp, making stars explode behinds his closed eyes and he licks up into the vocalists mouth, discovering that his mouth is as warm and tongue as soft as the rest of him and his taste is so sweet and it's addicting.
But Namjoon breaks the kiss to look at Jimin and when he does his heart squeezes in his chest because Jimin has never looked so beautiful than right now with his cheeks flushed and naturally thick lips red and swollen from Namjoon's.
Jimin smiles and presses his forehead to Namjoon's as they let their breaths even out.
He doesn't want to let Jimin go now that he has him. Namjoon holds Jimin close with one arm around his waist and slides his hand up and down his back and side, feeling him.
Jimin shivers from the touch but his smile never leaves and he starts stroking his fingers through Namjoon's hair and suddenly Jimin is pressing little kisses all over his face, cheeks, forehead, nose, eyes, and lips again until he collapses into Namjoon's chest with little giggles shaking his body.
Namjoon smiles and the endearing act and just cuddles Jimin like a small child. "Is my face funny to you?" He asks, nuzzling the others pierced ear and Jimin shakes his head. "'M just happy."
He looks up at Namjoon through long lashes and there's something like love in his eyes. It looks so beautiful to Namjoon.
"You're beautiful," Jimin breathes, cupping the leaders cheek, thumb brushing over a hidden dimple.
"Says you," Namjoon murmurs turning to kiss the small palm but his cheeks feel warm.
"You are so gorgeous Jimin. Everything about you amazes me."
Oh. Right. Jimin loves to be praised. He'd forgotten until he sees the way Jimin's eyes go wide and his lips part with a little breath, arching into Namjoon because he craves more. Namjoon has no problem giving it to him.
"They way you dance, the way you sing, how you laugh and even now, just laying here... I love you Min."
Jimin has tears in his eyes, overwhelmed by Namjoon's words and something else that shines in his eyes.
"I love you too," Jimin chokes out and they're kissing again before the last syllable rolls off his tongue.
When they part Namjoon looks into his eyes and he sees it. The love, adoration, and care. Wonder, awe, happiness..they all blend together but Jimin can see them.
And that's how Namjoon looks at him differently.