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It’s always awkward when the two of them are alone in the house like this. Both of them try to avoid it the best they can. Usually, when Merle is away, camping with his kids or seeing Magnus, Davenport takes his boat and goes to the sea. John doesn’t mind it. Being all alone in the house, not counting Mookie’s pet turtle is okay in small doses. And he can of course always call Merle, if it gets too lonely. But this time is different. There had been an accident and Dav was trying his best to repair his boat, but still. They had to spend the weekend together, and with no Merle to break the ice.
Friday had gone pretty good. Davenport had visited Lucretia and John had spent his day reading. Living as a plane just trying to consume everything for over a hundred years had not really left any time to read the classics. Merle’s bookshelf might not have been the greatest place to start, but John was not yet ready to show his face in public. At least without Merle. But Mavis had borrowed him some books from a local library, giving him more options than just “Gardener’s dirty secrets”-series.
Davenport had come home late, a bit drunk from wine, and just collapsed to their bed tired. He might have mumbled a small “Hello” to John, but he wasn’t sure. John had made sure that the gnome had actually made it to bed safe, before making himself a bed in the guestroom. He had no problem in sleeping in a same bed with Dav, but most of the time there was a fat dwarf snoring between them. When there was none, it just felt awkward.
***
Saturday was pretty much the same. Dav’s day consisted of mostly trying to repair the hole on his boat. He had gotten out of the house as soon as he had woken up, carrying a heavy toolbox with him. No “Good Morning”s, just a nod at John sitting eating breakfast.
John decided that it could be better if he stayed upstairs reading and staring at the sea. Spend a peaceful day.
Letting his eyes wonder from the edge of the page, in the corner of his eye, he noticed Davenport taking a break and sitting in the shadow. The gnome looked exhausted and dizzy, wiping his brow with a rag. John had hesitated for a moment. There would be no harm done in a little help. He closed the book, carefully putting the bookmark on the right page and walked to the kitchen. He took a tray out from the cupboard and filled two glasses with water. While looking for some ice in the freezer, he actually found a box of popsicles. Merle had probably bought them for Mavis and Mookie, but he took two anyway.
John sneezed, spilling a bit of water on the tray, quickly balancing the tray again. The sand felt hot under his bare feet and the sun shined brightly. No wonder Davenport had needed a break in this heat.
“Hi Dav” John greeted, feeling his shoulders tense a bit. Davenport was leaning on the side of the boat, wiping sweat from his forehead.
“Hello John” Davenport smiled a bit.
“ I brought you something to drink, I don’t think Merle would be really happy to find out that you had a heatstroke while he was away”, John sighed and sat down next to Davenport, setting the tray between the two old men. The gnome grabbed one of the glasses and chugged it down almost in one gulp. He wiped his mouth, looking away from John. John lifted his own glass, one where almost all of the water had splashed on to the tray and took a sip. It was actually kind of pleasant in the shadow of the boat. The salty sea air felt good around them, and hearing the waves splash on to the shoreline was calming.
“Thank you John,” Davenport said as he put the glass back to the wooden tray. “ Gods it’s hot.“ John nodded in agreement.
“I also brought you a popsicle. I don’t think Mookie will mind” John smiled as Dav started to unwrap the icy treat.
“ Well, if he asks something about them, we can just buy him more,” the gnome laughed. John chuckled a bit, noticing how his shoulders had started a relax a bit.
“ So, how are you doing?” John asked,taking another sip of the cold water.
“Good. If everything goes well, I’ll have her repaired for next week. Merle is having another camping trip then, right?” Dav asked holding the popsicle in his hand.
“No, it’s the week after. Next week the kids are over at Hekuba, but Merle is at home. You remember wrong,” John chuckled an answer staring at his toes. Davenport stiffened, staring blankly in front of him, before continuing.
“Okay,” Dav sighed. John could see his tail slowly drawing circles in the sand.
“Okay?” John said. As he realized what he had just said, he felt the shame rising in his cheeks.
“You remember wrong.”
He had screwed up. He know that the whole memory thing was painful to him, gods why had he said that. Why why why
“John are you okay? There is a crack-” the gnome commented, genuine worry in his voice as he tried to reach for John’s cheek. John, quickly covered the small black crack just below his eye, and reassured that he was alright.
“Well, I think I’ll go back inside”, John said, slamming his hands to his knees and standing up. He quickly took the wrap of the popsicle and lifted the tray up.
“John are you-”
“If you need anything, you can just shout. But like, you don’t have to stay outside. I’m upstairs” John tried to flash a smile, following his footsteps back to their house.
“Thank you John!” Davenport yelled after him, not even sure if John heard him anymore. After enjoying his popsicle, he carefully stuffed the wooden stick to his pocket, before taking the hammer to his hand and returning to his work.
***
John put the book in a pile of those he had already read. It had not been the greatest thing ever, but alright. He could probably ask for Mavis if she had any good ones to recommend. He took a look at the clock, showing that it was nearly ten p.m. He stretched his back, hearing his old joints cracking. It was getting late, he could maybe grab a mug of tea before bed.
The stairs down creaked almost as much as his back as he walked to the lower half of the beach house.
“Dav?” he called. No answer. The house was hauntingly quiet. John could feel the panic tightening in his chest, before he finally noticed a familiar tail hanging from the couch. Dav had probably just curled up on the couch after work. Poor thing had been so tired he had not even climbed to the upstairs. After taking in a breath of relief, John continued his way to the kitchen.
Their cupboard was always messy. Ceramic mugs Kravitz had made for Merle and Davenport, old teacups, a Hunger themed mug Mookie had found from the Fantasy Costco. John wasn’t really fond of the idea of someone profiting of his past mistakes, but he was happy that at least some could now joke about the past, making stupid mugs and such. He humored himself with the idea of one day being remembered only by someone’s grandma owning a mug like the one he now held in his hand. When asked, someone could just answer “That’s antique, I don’t even remember where I got it”. A fun daydream, but John knew that this plane had already forgotten enough.
John put the small kettle down to stove. For a moment he considered of boiling the water with his own fire, but quickly abandoned that thought. Even if Merle wasn’t home, John still felt a bit bad using his fire magic. How many times had he killed Merle with it? It must have hurted a quite a bit. And yet here he was. Living in the same house with him, calling Merle his lover, and Merle calling him one too. John took a deep breath and turned on the stove. He should have just gone to sleep. When you are tired and feel alone, bad thoughts have so much more power.
John leaned his hands against the marble of their kitchen platform, staring at the small puffs of steam that had started to rise from the kettle.
Dav coughed. John didn’t pay attention. They were both old, coughs were usual. But then he heard something else. Silent sobs and gasps for air were not just a side product of living long. John noticed the growing worry in his gut, rushing to the living room, leaving the kettle on the stove.
Dav was still sleeping on the couch, brow knitted and hands desperately grasping the fabric of his shirt. His tail was curled around his left leg tight. Between the sobs and murmurs, John could make out a couple of words. Mainly “No”, “Merle” and “Help”. He seemed scared, in pain, streaks of hair getting stuck on his forehead from sweat.
crack
John could clearly feel as the same crack from before opened again.
First, a step forward. Then another. Dav’s head was now thrashing around and he was panting heavily. John sat carefully at the end of the sofa.
“Dav?”
The gnome didn’t react to his name. John nudged himself a bit closer. There was a small voice in the back of his head that reminded him of some sort of warning about how you should not wake someone up from a nightmare, but he just couldn’t bare to watch.
“Dav!” John said and gently shook Davenport’s shoulder. The old captain’s eyes opened wide open in pure horror. Couple of tears getting stuck on his eyelashes as his eyes tried to focus. He quickly flinched away from John’s touch, scurrying to the other end of the sofa.
“Davenport?” John asked worried, afraid to even move a muscle. He had seen Davenport like this only once. It had been some sort of plane. Dav had just managed to throw the light of creation to Barry and ordered him to pilot the ship. John had cursed when he had seen the ship fly away. But Davenport had stayed. For the first time he saw him being alone and afraid. He had seen the terror on his eyes for just a moment, before a proud smirk took over his face as the Hunger consumed him. John knew that there was no use in trying to kill them. They’d be back in the next plane anyway. But still, in that moment, John, The Hunger had been happy of the fear they had been able to spread.
Another crack.
“I’m Davenport...I-i’m davenport...davenport” The gnome repeated over and over again as he tried to calm his breath. John tried to do the same, hand covering the crack on his cheek that was only spreading farther.
The kettle whistled on the stove. Dav covered his ears with shaking hands and closed his eyes. John stood up, running to the screaming kettle and moved it to a cool plate, spilling bit of the spoiling water to the counter. With a small curse, he settled the kettle down and turned off the heat.
He sucked his finger, where a small dribble of the water had landed and burned. Dav was still whimpering on the couch, ragged breaths echoing in the room. John tried to think. He had seen this happening before but there was always Merle. He knew what to do. Should he call him? No it was the middle of the night and he probably had his stone turned off anyway. He would just ruin Merle night, like he hadn’t already ruined his life enough.
Crack
He saw a reflection of himself in the mirror hanging near the table. The crack now reached from his eye to his nose. John sucked in a breath and tried to find something else to look for. What he needed now was a way to help Dav calm down. Tea water was still too hot, and Dav could spill it on himself. Last thing he needed now was to get Dav hurt. John tried to looked around, objects coming just a blur as he tried to just think of anything.
What did Merle do when Dav had nightmares? This had happened before. But those times, John had just pretended to continue sleeping.
Merle was there. He knew what to say and what to do.
Merle. Flowers! Those could help! Or at least they would not hurt.
“Dav stay there I will be back, try stay calm!” John yelled, rushing past the sofa and through the backdoor to their small backyard. Summer night was still full of light. Couple fireflies flew around the bushes filled with flowers. John had once tried to learn all the names of the flowers in the garden in dwarvish, but that project had stopped a while ago. He quickly ripped couple pink blooms from the nearest flower bush. As he reached to the bush, a small rabbit quickly hopped away in panic. John kept pulling flowers until he had a small bouquet of them. He could explain the ruin the bush was in to Merle later. He could help him plant new ones. While gardening he could explain everything else too.
***
Davenport’s tail was still tightly curled around his ankle. The worst of the panic was over, but the tears and the shaking still didn’t seem to stop. He took in a deep breath and closed his eyes. It was just a bad dream, nothing more. As he was just about to relax back in to the small nest he had made on the sofa, the back door slammed open. Gnome’s eyes flew open and he was pretty sure his own grip would cut off circulation in his leg soon. He turned quickly, seeing something that could have might as well been part of his dream.
A mismatch mess of flowers, held by shaking hands filled with black cracks. Somewhere between the petals he could see man’s frightened eyes. But it was already hard enough to try to make out what was going on. John quickly hurried to his side, dirty footprints following him. As John sat down, making the sofa dip a bit, Dav couldn’t help but to wonder what the heck John was doing. John was wondering the same thing.
John took a big yellow sunflower from the bouquet and offered it to Dav. Davenport wiped his eyes before raising his eyebrow.
“John, what is this?”, Dav muttered, but took the flower to his hands.
“Ummh... I thought that, you know? Merle helps you calm down? Merle, flowers?” John started to stutter, before dropping the flowers next to them on the sofa.
“Oh gods I am dumb!” he huffed out, slamming his hand to his face.
“Don’t worry John”, Davenport whispered. When John finally looked at the gnome again, he had started to slowly tearing the petals from a flower. They fell to the floor, as Dav muttered some old gnomish song between the sobs and ragged breaths. John just looked at him.
Some of the yellow petals would drop straight to the floor. Some would slowly fall on to Davenport’s lap. John found himself almost hypnotized by ritual. Dav’s tears started to slow down, his breathing getting more even. When there was only three petals left on the flower, John could see that the gnome’s hands were stable again. He ripped the last petals of together, looking at them for a moment, before blowing them away from his hands. He sniffed his nose and let his body go limp,slamming his back to the sofa again.
John stood up. Since his flower plan had worked at least to some degree, maybe tea could also do them some good. And he had been aching for that cup for a while either way.
The water was not boiling anymore, but still warm enough for tea. He carefully poured the water in to two mugs. For Dav he had picked the one mug Kravitz had given him. Not really caring at this point, John grabbed the first teabags he could find. It was chamomile.
The living room floor was a mess. Last time it had been this covered with flowers was when Taako had brought his cat to visit. It had gotten scared of John and knocked every flowerpot to the floor. Taako might have knocked a few pots down himself. You know, elves. It had been a mess, but Taako had quickly cleaned everything with a spell. Davenport didn’t really feel like burning a spell slot right now, even if he could. He could need those spells later.
John whistled quietly, to alert Dav of his presence. He didn’t want to scare him any more than he had to. He sat down first, looked at Dav and only after the gnome offered his hands, he gave him the teacup. Davenport tried to cool his tea by blowing in to it quietly. John just concentrated on trying to warm his hands. His right hand was worse, ring finger and little finger completely blackened. It would fade soon enough, leaving behind maybe a bruise or a two. It still bothered him. When cracked, it became harder to feel anything with them.
He looked over at Dav. In similar fashion he had started to nurture the cup of hot water with leaves. Making sense of his expression was hard. But John decided to take a risk.
“Wanna talk?”
Dav didn’t look up.
“You don’t have to. Just in my plane, there used to be saying that if you have a nightmare, and you talk about it, it won’t come back again”, John tried to smile, but quickly dropped it, seeing the furrowed brows of Dav.
“ It was just a dumb nightmare”, Dav murmured and took a sip of the tea. For a while they were quiet again. Dav’s tail started to draw those similar circles on the sofa. John took in a deep breath. This night was already a mess, so why not?
“Was the nightmare about me?”
Dav pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath.
“John, no, please it was-”
“ Was it about the Hunger?”
Dav’s eyes quickly glanced away from John.
“Davenport, please.”
“Yes it was about the Hunger, but that does not mean-”
“So it was about me”, John sighed and took a long sip of his tea. Davenport’s tail started to tamp the edge of the sofa annoyed and a bit defeated.
“I know you are not the Hunger, John. You are a separate entity, nothing good will come from blaming you. It’s just… hard sometimes”, the gnome put the half empty cup on the floor and hugged his knees.
“I won’t blame you if you do that, Dav”, John laughed slightly. He lowered his gaze to his hands, where the cracks were slowly starting to heal. The silence was there, but John understood why it was maybe needed. He had wanted to talk about this for a while. Maybe he could have waited for the peacemaker to be there, but he wanted to try. Worst case scenario, Dav would kill him, he guessed.
“ I am sorry I ruined your sleep. Or have been ruining for a while I guess”, John breathed out and drank the last of the tea.
“As I said. Not your fault”, Davenport repeated. He wiped off the last of the tears from his face, and turned to John.
“Gods this is hard.”
“I am so sorry Davenport.”
Had he ever even apologized to him like this? The day Merle had found him washed up on the beach was still a bit of a blur to him. But he did remember that Merle and Davenport had had a long talk about the situation. But things had been okay, had they? Well, now the words had left his mouth. He hoped Davenport realized how much he meant them.
“I, I don’t know if I can forgive you for, everything. But I also do realize that… that you are not the Hunger anymore. And Merle loves you. Like, holy fuck he likes you”, Davenport laughed the last words. A smile crept on John’s face too.
“I don’t have a problem with you living here. I have no problem, living with you like this. But… letting go of the past… it will take time. I hope you understand”, the gnome’s voice went back to his usual serious tone, as he started at John. He nodded, looking at the hunger mug in his hands. If there was one person who deserved to remember the past, it was Davenport.
“What even are we John? Tell me. Enemies who live under the same roof? Two guys who just share a husband? Stepdads to Mavis and Mookie? Roommates???”
“Oh my god, we are roommates”, John whispered in realization.
Davenport burst out laughing. His laugh was beautiful and strong, bringing life into the silent and empty house. John also found himself laughing about the idea of him and Dav being nothing more than two guys sharing an apartment.
“Well, if we are roommates, I think it would do good, if we introduced ourselves properly”, Dav said and offered his hand to John. John gripped the hand with a smile.
“Hello. My name is Davenport, but Dav works just fine. My favorite flowers are sunflowers and I love the sea. I happen to be your husband’s husband”, Dav introduced himself, shaking hands with John.
“Hi.You can call me John. Taako still calls me Voreman, but honestly, John is better. I also happen to fancy this dwarf we both call our husband. I don’t have the best relationship with the sea, but just like with everything now, I am willing to give it a second try”, John said, with a smile.
“That is very valid of you”, Davenport chuckled.
***
After couple more cups of tea, Davenport started to feel sleepy again. John was still gushing about some favorite food from his home planet. A gnome’s yawns are kind of a cat’s. Very hard to ignore, if only for the chance to see the possible blep at the end. John also had noticed how hiss eyes had started to grow drowsy. He collected the cups from the floor and walked to the kitchen. He would wash them in the morning. When he returned to the living room he saw Davenport’s tail drag in the stairs as he had started to climb towards to the bedrooms. John took a quick glance at the grandfather clock in their hallway. Almost two a.m. John decided to follow Dav to upstairs.
Dav had already gone and lit up the light in the bedroom, when John walked past it. A crack from the door lit almost the whole floor with it’s yellow, warm light.
“John?” He could hear Dav mumble as he walked past the door. He quickly took a couple of steps backwards and peaked to the room. Dav was sitting at the edge of the bed, undoing a braid in his hair.
“Yes, Dav?” John asked, a bit curious about the situation.
“Look, I know what I said about like, things needing to take time. But… I really need someone right now. To like just, be here?” Dav whispered, almost embarrassed a little. John got the message, sure, but he was still a bit taken aback by the gnome’s request. I guess they were going to snooze the night away in the same bed.
John took off his shirt and sat down on the other edge of the bed. It was so weird. There was no usual dip of the bed Merle made when he slept in the middle. Now there was just an empty space. John tried his best not to look at it. This all was still very awkward. He could hear Davenport finishing the unbraiding of his hair. He always said that sleeping with his hair open was better, contrary to Merle, who would wake up every morning with the usual messy bun still on his hair. The gnome quickly lifted the covers and pressed his head to the pillow.
“Are you going to sleep at all?” Davenport asked, just the slightest tone of worry in his voice. John slowly laid down on the soft bed. Davenport had stolen the grey woolen blanket on his side of the bed. It was okay, there was still the blue, longer on e that could actually cover John’s toes. The gnome had turned his back on him. John was not really surprised. One step at the time, he reminded himself. And the steps could be slow. But in the end, time was one thing he really didn’t have any shortage of. He yawned, and stretched his hands, before placing them behind his head. He closed his eyes, waiting for tomorrow to come soon, and for Merle to be here. Things were always so much easier when Merle was there. And the bed was warmer.
***
“John?”
John opened his eyes slightly, seeing Davenport’s eyes glowing slightly it the light of the nightlight he had left on. He had now turned to sleep on his stomach, face towards John.
“I’m still awake, don’t worry”, John whispered. “What’s wrong?”
“This is dumb but… could I hold your hand? It could help me get some sleep sooner, and I mean you don’t have to, I can go sleep in the guestroom-”, Davenport mumbled, shyly offering his paw towards John. He hesitated for a moment. Fearing that touching the hand would break the gnome down again. But when Davenport gave him a small, encouraging smile, John grabbed the hand. Lightly, but firm enough for Dav to know that someone was there.