Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

October 9, 1999

Dear Diary,

Yeo died today.

Standing outside a verdant lawn on a chilly Saturday afternoon was 7-year old, Byun Baekhyun, who was staring at nothing with a lost and broken look on his face. Today was considerably one of the saddest days in his life— the day he lost his friend, Yeo.

Baekhyun had always wanted a dog ever since his cousin Jongdae brought his 1 year old bulldog at their house. Chul was an adorable and playful little mutt who had easily captured his heart. The pup was able to match his boundless energy and would always be in the mood to play with them despite of his heavy built. So when Baekhyun’s birthday came around, he already knew what to ask for— and a puppy he would get.

What he ended up getting was a German Shepherd puppy whom he named Yeo. He was two-toned, brown and black, and had lanky arms and legs, with deep brown eyes and flat ears sitting atop his head. He was the most active pup at the pet store and Baekhyun was immediately drawn at him. Baekhyun thought he was still the cutest even though his ears were still lazy to stand up— just like what he’d seen in most full-grown German shepherd dogs. He didn’t really care about inconsequential things like that because he already loved him the moment he laid his eyes on him.

Baekhyun’s childhood never had a dull moment since then because Yeo was a hyperactive dog who’d play and exhaust his energy every single day. They were attached at the hip— always seen together basking in the sun whenever they’re done playing with each other. Yeo loved to run around the house and sniff furnitures here and there and his hobby was to thrash the whole living room with his and Baekhyun’s toys where they’d both end up getting an earful from Mrs. Byun after she’d seen the mess they did. Baekhyun treated the dog as a human and would even talk to him as one too because to him, Yeo was his first best friend— the most exciting part of his day and the one he’d always run home to.

But then Yeo got sick— He got so sick that Baekhyun worried himself to the bone. Yeo was only 5 months old, with a fragile immune system that made him prone to being infested with bacterias and viruses. So that’s what happened. When the Byuns took him to the vet for a check-up, they said that his symptoms seemed to be from a viral infection and to confirm the assumption, Yeo was submitted to lab works which later on revealed that he was positive for parvo.

The announcement made Baekhyun’s mom cry, to which he couldn’t understand why. He knew what positive meant and it was supposed to mean good, right? Didn’t that mean they already knew what’s making his Yeo vomit and poop blood? So why was his mommy crying?

Baekhyun was just 7-years old, clueless about a lot of things especially those that weren’t yet discussed in his school. So how was he supposed to know how dangerous those organisms were? How could his young mind understand the disaster those viruses bring to a living creature? And how could his innocent heart accept death?

Big, fat tears slowly ran down Baekhyun’s cheeks as he crouched in front of the small cross with a carved Yeo scribbled on it. His father was the one who made it and had even dug a place at the farthest part of their yard to bury him. The sight of his name shattered Baekhyun’s heart into pieces, triggering the beginning of a loud sob.

“It’s okay, Baekhyunnie.”

Baekhyun almost jumped at the unexpected interruption and immediately sought the owner of the voice. Beside him was a man, who was looking at him with a bit of worry in his eyes but also had a grin on his lips as if there’s something worth smiling about. His smile brought a frown on his face but the man didn’t seem to notice it for his grin continued to flourish.

“Why are you smiling, Mister?”

The man’s smile softened.

“Because Yeo’s not hurting anymore, Baekhyunnie. He’s in a better place now, you see.”

The sun finally peaked from the clouds, setting its rays onto the stranger’s face so Baekhyun began to scrutinise him. The man was handsome, a perfect rival to any princes in his story book, only without the rich-looking clothes along with a cape and a big white horse. His eyes were huge and sparkly and were twitching at the corners along with the smile on his lips. His hair was jet-black and was beautifully messed up by the breeze that passed through it and he was tall; the tallest man he’d ever seen.

“So don’t be sad, okay? Yeo’s going to be alright from now on since he’s not gonna be in pain anymore.” The man said with a gentle smile on his lips. “But if you still want to cry, I’m here, Baekhyunnie. You don’t have to be a tough cookie in front of me—”

Baekhyun’s lips trembled over the words but he tried his best to smile through it.

“And I won’t tell anyone, I promise.”

That was all it took for him to finally cry and the stranger was quick to comfort him by soothing his back. True to his words, the man stayed with him as he cried his heart out.

“W-who are you?”

Baekhyun’s voice was almost a whisper but the stranger seemed to have heard him clearly.

“It’s—“

“Baekhyun-ah!” His mom called in distress as she looked at him with concern. “Who are you talking to?”

The moment Baekhyun turned his attention back to where the stranger was supposed to be at, he was surprised to find out that he was gone. He kept on blinking his eyes just to make sure that his vision wasn’t fooling him but the man was still nowhere in sight.

“Are you okay, Baekhyun-ah?”

Still at a lost to what just happened, Baekhyun gave her a tiny smile to appease her worry.

“I’m okay, eomma.”

His mom sat down next to him and held his hands.

“Are you done praying for Yeo?”

Baekhyun nodded as he returned his eyes back to the spot where his friend was at.

“Alright, then. Shall we get you inside and warm you up with a cup of chocolate?”

Baekhyun’s lips slowly curled up into a goofy smile as his mother stood up and helped him out of his crouched state. He laced his hand with his mom’s and showed her his toothy smile which was returned with a gentle one.

“Can we put lots of marshmallows on it too, eomma?”

“As you wish, Baekhyun-ah.”

>>•<< 

July 4, 2006

My new neighbour’s moving in today
and I’m excited to meet the boy
my mom’s been talking about.

The next time Baekhyun saw him was when he was 14, peeking behind his curtain to check out their new neighbours.

There’s a new family who’s moving next to their duplex house today and Baekhyun couldn’t hide the excitement he was feeling. His parents had already met the newcomers two days prior their arrival and his mom happily told him that they had a boy who was the same age as him.

So when the trailer truck arrived, Baekhyun was quick to hop from his bed and carefully positioned himself behind his curtain. His eyes immediately sought for that boy because he was really looking forward to meet him and was actually hoping to have a friend in him. Most of the kids in their neighbourhood didn’t want to befriend him because bullies had always been very fond of him.

Due to his being short, Baekhyun became a target for bullies who— not only abused him verbally but would sometimes push and hurt him intentionally. He blamed his physical features for his agony— his droopy eyes which made him look compliant, his aura which gave the impression of a weak boy, and his timidity which was almost like that of a girl’s. He learned to hate himself because it led to a lot of teasing from his classmates and attracted more of the bullies. And ever since the first time it happened, nobody wanted to get near him and that only made him feel alone.

Everyone seemed to have boxes in their arms as they carried them inside the house. The family looked well off, if Baekhyun were to consider those exquisite furnitures that the movers were carefully taking out of the truck. A man, whom Baekhyun had a feeling to be the dad, kept barking out orders here and there which everyone seemed to be taking seriously—

Everyone, except a chubby boy with golden round glasses.

Baekhyun focused his attention toward the said boy, who at the moment, was playing with a tiny creature he assumed was a ferret. He’d seen one during his trip at the zoo not to recognise the features even from afar. There were laughters erupting from his mouth as he played with the creature, who was chasing after him while he kept on dodging its attempts. Baekhyun smiled widely at the sight. At least, there’s something he’s now sure they’d click with.

“Baekhyunnie~”

The call surprised him so much that when he pulled his hand away from the curtain, he dragged his pencil case along with him, causing a loud noise to reverberate across the room. The person, who had the audacity to grin, only crouched next to the mess he made and carefully gathered all the scattered pencils around them.

“W-why do you always s-surprise me like that?”

The stranger grinned bigger and even more playful that Baekhyun had to calm himself out not to get swayed by how compelling that smile was.

“My room’s locked so h-how in the world did you get in?”

The man leisurely strolled his way to his location and as soon as he’s a feet away from him, his hands carefully inched his face and caressed it in an affectionate manner. Baekhyun felt his cheeks burn at the gesture.

“I could get in at anywhere, anytime, with or without its door being locked. Why are you even surprised, Baekhyunnie? It’s not like it’s the first time I’ve done this—”

That statement gave way to Baekhyun’s buried questions as he remembered the first time he had seen the man and how mystified he was because of his sudden disappearance.

“Who are you?”

The man’s face lit up and another huge grin made its way into his lips. Baekhyun thought he was really handsome with a smile on his lips.

“Hmm— Let’s just say that I’m the little prince in that favourite story book of yours...”

“Little prince?” Baekhyun scoffed, he surely wasn’t buying that lie. “But you’re a giant…”

The stranger laughed heartily and gently ruffled his hair.

“Such a very observant boy you are, Baekhyunnie.”

Baekhyun once again blushed, feeling his heart warm up at the compliment.

“It’s not yet time for you to know who I am but if you’re not convinced that I’m the little prince— then let’s settle on being your imaginary friend.”

“But I’m too old to have imaginary friends already. I’m—“

“14, I know.” The man moved next to him and slid the curtain to look outside. There was a gentle smile on his lips as he stared at someone fondly.

“So how do you find your neighbours? Did you find someone interesting?”

Baekhyun blushed at that and the man only chuckled in return.

“No,” he said, averting his eyes away from the stranger. “There’s no one.”

The man snorted and walked back to his twin bed and sat at the end of it.

“Now don’t be shy, Baekhyunnie. You don’t have to den—“

“There isn’t anything to deny because I’m not interested in hi—“

Baekhyun’s eyes widened as the man’s grin once again turned bigger. He immediately lowered his head and prayed that his cheeks weren’t betraying him— which actually were.

“I just want to be friends with him,” he whispered and a chuckle escaped from the man’s lips.

“I know, Baekhyunnie— but don’t you worry…” He paused and now his face was radiating with glee. “... Your excitement won’t be in vain. It’s all gonna be worth it.”

>>•<<

November 6, 2006

I wonder what I did
that made him feel
uncomfortable around me.

There’s a new kid in class whom Baekhyun found interesting— he’s funny, smart, and really adorable most especially whenever he’d brag about his pet, Ddori.

Park Chanyeol was the name of his neighbour and he’s a huge ball of sunshine. Huge, because he’s not just at least a head taller than any of his classmates— with his lengthy limbs and legs that could go on for days— but was heavily built too. He had curly, dark locks that were messily scattered across his forehead and his circular glasses were adorably magnifying his already big, round eyes. He had funny ears too that were sticking out on either side of his head which Baekhyun thought were cute. Chanyeol was one of the most favoured boys in class due to his bubbly personality and that made Baekhyun a bit interested in him.

Chanyeol was also exceptionally smart. With an above average intelligence, his IQ was something no one dared to laugh about. Not only would he ace their written exams but he could also wow everyone with his musical skills. He was good at playing both the guitar and drums, which he said he owed to his musician parents. The Parks had just started a company of their own but had already began to make a name in the music industry. They were good at honing their talents by helping them reach their full potentials and weren’t one to go for visuals but with the capability of what a talent really possessed.

But despite of all those positive features, Chanyeol had one flaw— he’s exceptionally awkward— a big stuttering mess to people he’s not comfortable to be around with and unfortunately for Baekhyun, he happened to be the first on that list.

“Damn it. What the hell did I even do to him?”

Baekhyun grumbled as he once again saw the taller running toward the other way as soon as he had spotted him. It’s not new anymore for it had been happening ever since the beginning of the school year and Baekhyun’s really getting tired of his neighbour’s antics.

A sigh escaped his lips when he heard a chuckle beside him.

“Why are you so keen on being close to him when he obviously doesn’t want to be anywhere near you?” Jongdae raised a groomed brow at him. “Do you have a crush on him or something?”

And Baekhyun’s reaction sold him. It was priceless— with his mouth, opening and closing like a fish being deprived of water.

“Wow— I wasn’t expecting that,” Jongdae said with a teasing smile. “So you do have a cru—“

“No, stupid.” A blush crept along Baekhyun’s cheeks, rising all the way to the tips of his ears. “He’s ju—“

“Just a crush.” Jongdae finished with emphasis. “Don’t lie to me, Baekhyun! Your feelings are all over your face so you really can’t deny it.”

Baekhyun could only sigh at the accusation because there was no way he could argue against someone who had known him since diaper days. Besides, Jongdae was right. He had developed a crush over his neighbour ever since the first time they’ve been introduced to each other.

He could still remember the very first time they met. His family had organised a dinner with the Parks a week after they’d moved in. Baekhyun was beyond excited that he spent an hour in front of the mirror to check if he’s all set. He was ready to charm his neighbour’s socks off.

Baekhyun was never awkward during first meetings. In fact, he’s always thrilled to meet new people. But what he ended up doing that night was to only give his neighbour a shy smile as he extended his right hand toward the other. What he got in return though was a scrutinising look from head to foot, with Chanyeol gaping at him as if he’d grown two heads. Baekhyun immediately felt conscious but thanks to Mrs. Park’s strong elbow for drawing his son back from his stupor. If not for her, Chanyeol would of probably stayed rooted on his spot the whole evening.

After that night, they’ve never interacted anymore because Chanyeol had been so keen on avoiding him to which he had no idea why. Baekhyun’s actually at a loss as to what he had done wrong because as far as he could remember, he only gave him a smile that night and nothing more. He didn’t even get to touch the guy, for God’s sake, because the other didn’t take his hand when he offered it to him. So what was Park Chanyeol getting all worked up for whenever he’s within his perimeter? What did he ever do to him that made him run as if he had been threatened by him?

“That’s actually good, Baek!” Jongdae’s eyes were teasing. He’s definitely enjoying where this was going. “But you’ve got to stop scaring him or you won’t score a dat—“

“I wasn’t scaring him!” Baekhyun harshly shrugged the arm away and stamped into the hallway with a scowl on his face. “I don’t know why he behaves like that whenever he sees me and I have no idea what I did to make him run away every time we cross paths. It’s getting on my nerves already. It’s not like I will eat him alive if we ever get close, you know. He’s way bigger than me. He can even crush me like a bug in an instant with that— built of his. I don’t even think I can touch a freaking strand of his hair if I ever dared to challenge him.”

Jongdae laughed over his exasperation.

“Then why don’t you try cornering him and ask him what you did wrong? That’s not really hard to do, if you ask me—”

“Did you really think I haven’t done that already? I tried waiting on him at the lockers last week and you know what that giant did? As soon as he saw me standing there, he ran off and took all the things he’s supposed to put in his locker with him. I don’t know if I want to cry or get mad at the thought that he’d rather bring all of his books at home than be near me.”

Jongdae once again laughed at Baekhyun’s complaints.

“I wonder what you did that made Park so allergic with just your mere existence— I guess the only choice you have right now is to either let fate do its magic or you take matters at hand— which I’m sure will end up pretty badly knowing how moronic your ideas usually are.”

Baekhyun immediately shoot him a glare, flipped him a finger and hastily turned his back on him while the latter continued to laugh over his rage.

“You’re an asshole. I’m denying of our blood relation from now on.”

It was one Tuesday afternoon when fate decided to intervene between the two of them.

Baekhyun was asked to go to the Biology lab to get some chemicals they’d be using for their experiment. He kept on grumbling and cursing along the way because he didn’t really like going at the lab where those bottled creatures were kept. It never failed to creep the heck out of him ever since he got locked in there when he was 13.

That day, he was assigned to clean the lab after their experiment and he eagerly did his best to do the task. What he didn’t know was the lab door was defective— its latch had the tendency to get stuck on its strike, so when his last classmate went out and slammed the door shut, Baekhyun got trapped inside the room along with those bottled creatures.

Baekhyun had an overactive imagination ever since he was little and the silence plus the ambiance of the room that afternoon made his brain overwork. He was tricked into believing that those creatures were beginning to move and would swim its way out of the bottle and jump on him. The thought scared him to death so he pounded the door nonstop and screamed so loud for help even though he knew that there would be no one out there to hear his pleas because Science was their last subject.

Luckily, someone happened to pass by and came to his rescue. The person never left him and kept on reassuring him that he’s just right there and would do his best to get him out of there. And when the door finally opened, the 13-year old immediately jumped into that person’s arms and cried on his chest in relief.

Baekhyun couldn't really remember anything that day even the person whom he hugged. His mind seemed to have blocked out certain bits and pieces of the traumatic experience. What he could only remember was that deep voice, soothing his entire being out of his panic. Baekhyun would never be thankful enough for how perfect his timing was.

“Come on, Baekhyunnie. I’ll walk you to the lab room,” someone behind him said and the familiarity of the voice almost shook him to the core that it left him gaping at the owner, as the clogs in his brain finally connected the puzzle pieces together.

“Wait a minute— that was you?”

A bright smile manifested on the man’s face.

“Yup— the one and only,” then he wrapped an arm around his shoulders as he said, “So there’s really no need for you to be scared now since we’re here.”

“Who’s we— Holy freaking shit—“

Baekhyun let out an unmanly shriek at the sight before him and he could only sigh in relief to see that nobody saw him reacting like a girl. There was a snake— a tiny one, squirming its way through the door of the lab room. He didn’t know if it was dangerous but what he could only rely on was the fact that all snakes had venoms, one bite could kill him in an instant.

“Antaresia childreni,” a voice said, deep and monotonous, and Baekhyun was quick to turn his head toward the source— which surprisingly was his neighbour, Park Chanyeol.

“They’re from the non venomous species of pythons,” he crouched next to it and picked it up without any safety gears on him. “... so they’re safe.”

Baekhyun immediately backed away for fear of being bitten. He still wasn’t convinced that it wasn’t poisonous.

“Is that thing yours?”

The tall boy shook his head.

“Alright then— you be nice to it, okay?”

Baekhyun was nowhere near stupid but what he just said made him look like one. He didn’t know why of all things he could say, that was what he ended up saying. And it was so embarrassing that he wanted nothing but to bang his head for making fool out of himself. But then there’s a chuckle coming from the boy in front of him, immediately stopping his plan of slamming his head against the nearest wall.

“I’m always nice to living creatures so there’s no need for you to worry about that. But thank you, anyway, for the reminder.” Chanyeol gave him a tiny smile. “If you don’t mind me asking though, may I know why you’re here, Baekhyun?”

The way Chanyeol said his name somehow ignited the sleeping butterflies in his tummy and— Fuck my life! Is he really talking to me right now?

“I-I need to g-get some formalin for our e-experiment. Can— Can you help me?”

The taller nodded and opened the lab door for them. Baekhyun reluctantly stepped inside and saw Chanyeol went straight to the farthest end of the room— placing the snake somewhere he couldn’t see. After that, the boy walked toward the rows of shelves and began looking for what Baekhyun was asking for.

“Is the formalin for the frogs?”

Baekhyun’s head shot up at his neighbour, who had his back turned on him and was still busy rummaging the shelf with a sheer number of reagents.

“Y-yeah. It w-was my turn to g-get them today.”

And then the anxiety began to brew inside his being— starting with the fast beating of his heart followed by the laboured breathing. It was agonising and it was slowly crippling his body that he could feel his hands shaking tremendously. He tucked them inside his pocket and concentrated on taking in sufficient breaths.

“I see. Don’t forget to put on some face mask because Formalin has a strong odour. It can make you feel dizzy.”

Baekhyun nodded in reply but when he realised that Chanyeol was still searching for the reagent and could not see him, he stuttered with a ‘yeah’ and a ‘thank you‘ as an acknowledgment for his concern. But then the panic was intensifying now and the lump in his throat was uncomfortably restricting his breathing. The feeling of vulnerability was already manifesting— like he was miles away from his comfort zone with the anxiety overpowering his senses and he was so tempted to cave in, to let it consume him so that his misery would finally stop.

“Baekhyunnie~”

And there the stranger was, calling him out softly— but instead of sparing him any attention, Baekhyun focused more on his breathing because he was near fainting already and he didn’t want to end up passing out.

“I’m here, Baek. Please calm down.”

The man placed his hands on his shoulders, carefully massaging the muscle here and there. It made Baekhyun close his eyes, welcoming the comfort he found in that.

“Focus on my voice, Baekhyunnie—“

His voice was merely a whisper but Baekhyun could still identify the worry it had on it so he did what he was told as the man kept on soothing his shoulders.

“You’re not alone now, Baek. We’re here. So don’t panic. We’re not going to leave you.”

“Baekhyun!”

Slowly opening his eyes, he saw his neighbour looking at him with concern written all over his face.

“Why did you come here if you’re scared of being here?”

It was just the wrong question to ask at that moment so Baekhyun unhesitatingly glared at his neighbour and he was honestly surprised that he still had the energy to do so.

“I told you I was in charge of getting them today, right? So technically, I didn’t come here out of my own accord.”

Chanyeol’s worried face turned guilty. “I-I’m so—“

“Just please hurry,” Baekhyun spoke in between breaths. “Please give them to me so I can leave the soonest. I don’t want to end up fainting here, Park.”

Finally realising what was causing his distress, Chanyeol took his arm and gently circled them up on his shoulder. He let him lean on him as they walk toward the door.

“Next time you need anything from the laboratory, tell me and I will get them for you, okay?”

Baekhyun ignored him and kept on walking with his eyes closed.

“Did you hear me, Baekhyun? I said if you ne—“

“I heard you the first time, Chanyeol.”

“I’m sorry. I was just trying to make a conversation. I just don’t want you to faint on me.”

Baekhyun took that as an invitation to talk further, giving him the needed push to finally ask the one thing he’d been meaning to ask.

“Chanyeol— did I do you any wrong?”

Baekhyun felt him stiffen at the question but later on heard him sigh in defeat.

“No, you didn’t.”

“Then why are you avoiding me?”

There was a minute of silence before the taller finally decided to break it.

“I guess I’m a bit— intimidated by you because look at you, Baekhyun— You’re one of the cool kids. You’re— y-you’re good-looking, and so amazing and not as awkward and as aloof as I am. You’re confident in your own skin which I’m most definitely not and I was just doing you a favour because you might end up getting teased by our schoolmates if they see you talking to me. I’m nothing but a loser, Baekhyun, and I’m not worth the trouble.”

This time, it was Baekhyun who was silent. He was speechless not because he was surprised over the long list of positive adjectives Chanyeol had just given to describe him but because he simply couldn’t see himself fitting any of his impressions of him. He might’ve gained a handful of admirers from that one time he sang at a school assembly but that didn’t mean he was a member of the cool kids. Baekhyun never wanted to be one of them. He just wanted to share whatever talents he had in him.

But he kept his mouth shut, closed his eyes, and leaned more to the taller’s warmth. It was embarrassing to be that needy and clingy but he really needed that physical assurance for him to get through the still-lingering anxiety.

When they’re finally out of the room, Chanyeol gently settled him down at the nearest bench and Baekhyun slowly opened his eyes to look at him.

“Thanks for that, Chanyeol, and I’m sorry for being a bother.”

The taller shook his head and sent him a reassuring smile.

“You're not a bother, Baekhyun, so don’t apologise. I'm the one who’s supposed to say sorry.”

Baekhyun was about to oppose but Chanyeol shook his head and continued with his apologies.

“I already saw how hesitant you were in going inside the lab room and I should’ve taken that gesture as a warning already. I’m sorry that it took me a while to do something about your discomfort. I should’ve taken you out immediately.”

Luckily, Baekhyun had already regained some of his strength so this time when he smiled, it was warm and amicable.

“It’s alright. You didn’t know. It’s not like I’d willingly tell anyone of my weakness, right? I don’t want it to be used against me so I hope that you won’t tell a soul about my phobia— Can I trust you with that, Chanyeol?”

The taller nodded and made a gesture of him, zipping his lips to seal his promise.

“You can count on me with that one. Your secret’s safe with me.”

Then Baekhyun turned his eyes toward the ceiling and let out a smile of his own, not noticing how that simple gesture managed to make a blushing fit into the other’s face.

“You know, Chanyeol— I was once like you. I used to hate going to school when I was younger because I was the loser whom everyone didn’t want to make friends with.”

Baekhyun closed his eyes, trying not to get overwhelmed with the awful memories during his early middle school years.

“Back then, my classmates took delight in making fun of me. My teachers ignored the bruises I got from being beaten by some of my classmates. School used to be the place where I hated setting a foot in because it was there where I got bullied a lot.”

It may have been years ago already but the bitter pain had already embedded into his being. Chanyeol, on the other hand, kept his mouth shut to let him voice out his past struggles.

“But you know who got me over it?” There’s a ghost of a smile on his face as he said, “Jongdae."

The smile was now in full bloom as he turned his head toward his neighbour and continued, “He may have annoyed me to hell but I could never thank him enough for always being there for me. He’s the only one who’s able to bear with my weirdness and if not for him, I’d be zombie-ing around the school without anyone to keep the sanity in me.”

Baekhyun smiled gently as he remembered how empowering his cousin’s presence had always been. He had never really thanked the guy for everything he’d done for him but he meant every word— Jongdae had always been his ally even if the whole world was against him.

“You only need that kind of someone, Chanyeol, to give you a little boost and i-if y-you like, I-I c-could be that someone f-for you.”

Baekhyun’s blush reached the end of his ears as he lowered his head to avoid his neighbour’s eyes. He was nervous, his hands were sweaty and jittery because Chanyeol only remained quiet the entire time he was talking. He wanted to take his offer back just to dispel the awkwardness that was now enveloping them. But just as he was about to open his mouth, Chanyeol already stood up and positioned himself in front of him.

“I think we started on the wrong foot,” he said as he extended a hand toward him. “Hello! My name’s Park Chanyeol and it’s really nice to meet you.”

Baekhyun quickly looked up, blinking rapidly as he let the other’s words sink in. Then finally, a smile slowly crawled its way onto his lips and took the hand in front of him.

“It’s a pleasure meeting you, Park Chanyeol. I’m Baekhyun— Byun Baekhyun.”

When Baekhyun happened to glance at the other side of the hallway, he saw the stranger giving him two thumbs up with an all-teeth smile. And that’s when he realised how a smile looked good on the stranger’s lips and that he always wanted to be the receiver of it.

>>•<<

December 8, 2006

Is it normal for my heart to skip a beat
when the best friend does weird things?

Park Chanyeol was weird— that was what Baekhyun concluded when the day after the laboratory incident, he found him standing at their doorstep with a chocolate cake on his right hand and a stem of sunflower on his left. There was a smile on his lips which hurt Baekhyun’s eyes because it was so bright the sun would even need to put on some shades.

While Chanyeol kept on pushing his glasses up and waited for an invitation to come in, Baekhyun, on the other hand, continued to ogle at him. He stood there frozen, along with his brain, and if Chanyeol didn’t shift his weight from one foot to another, they’d probably had roots growing on their legs already. And when the knobs inside Baekhyun’s head finally functioned, he quickly let him inside as the latter shyly offered the cake and the flower to him.

The rest was history after that because they found out that it wasn’t only their age that were similar but also their interests too. From solving jigsaw puzzles to beating each other’s asses on video games, Baekhyun and Chanyeol had learned that they mirror each other’s desires. They like the same things and would even do them together whenever they had the time. And as the days passed by, they’d gotten closer than ever and would never be seen without the other.

They spent a lot of time together that they started acknowledging each other as best friends already to which Jongdae got bitter at. And it was funny how these two would always compete for Baekhyun’s attention. It was as if he’s a well-deserved trophy to be won after.

But if Baekhyun was to state his opinion, his relationship with Chanyeol was a whole lot different from that of his cousin. Jongdae was more of an ass to him, someone who’d either use sarcasm or negative words in their daily conversation while Chanyeol was more straightforward to a point where it would always cause Baekhyun’s face to heat up.

They were having ice cream at Jongdae’s part-time job when Chanyeol started saying things that made his heart race a mile.

“You know, I used to hate strawberries, Baek— because they’re too sweet for my taste but ever since I met you, I learned to love them.” Chanyeol stole a spoonful of his ice cream and took them heartily, moaning from how succulent it tasted. “I used to think that only girls love them since it’s mom and noona’s favourite. But after you told me that it’s yours too, I found myself finishing the entire pint whenever mom bought some from the grocery. And then Yoora-noona would drive me bananas from all the whining and complaints she’d do.”

Chanyeol once again launched his spoon over his ice cream bowl.

“The things you do to me, Baek. You’re such a powerful influence in my life.”

Baekhyun heard someone gagging and saw Jongdae mimicking retching gestures behind the counter so he flipped him a finger and the bastard just laughed like a hyena. Chanyeol, on the other hand, just snickered at their silly bantering because he had gotten used to the cousins’ wordplays already. It was what they considered normal in their relationship and Chanyeol would only intervene if Baekhyun’s on the verge of combusting into flames from anger.

“You’re an idiot.” Baekhyun flicked his forehead to divert the attention away from the fire on his cheeks. “Strawberries have always been delicious. You’re just stupid enough not to like them.”

Chanyeol pouted and that always wreck Baekhyun’s composure. No matter how annoying the boy was, just a single pout would make his irritation vanish in an instant.

“I’m not stupid, Baek. I really didn’t know they tasted that good. But ever since you shared yours with me, I started liking strawberries. I don’t know— Maybe it just reminds me of you.”

“Are you saying that I look like a strawberry?”

“No, Baek. You’re actually prettier than a strawberry.”

Baekhyun’s heart started doing its fast beating again when the boy began laughing his heart out. If the damn organ was to ever join a race, he was sure that it would most definitely finish first.

“It’s just that your cheeks resemble its colour whenever you’re blushing.”

And a strawberry-coloured tint bloomed onto Baekhyun’s cheeks.

“See? You look like one now.” Chanyeol’s smile was brighter than any light bulbs inside the creamery. “It’s a compliment, Baek. I just think you’re the most beautiful when you’re blushing like that.”

Aside from the flattery, Chanyeol seemed to have developed a liking to holding his hands, giving them praises as he caressed them in what Baekhyun would like to believe, in an affectionate manner. He’d always found his hands laced with Chanyeol’s as the latter held onto it and swung it all too eagerly back and forth. The action had gotten a lot of attention but whenever Baekhyun tried to unfasten his hand off of Chanyeol’s, the latter would only tighten his grip and pull them away from the intruding eyes.

“Chanyeol! Will you just— let go of my hand? People are staring.”

Baekhyun tried to pry his hand away from his best friend but his efforts were all in vain. Chanyeol was obviously stronger than him and it was just so unfair that he’d been continuously growing in length while shaving off his excess in diameter. Puberty was definitely doing him good, shaping him at the right spot. And it made Baekhyun’s feelings strengthen day by day.

“But we’re just holding hands, Baek. I don’t see anything wrong with that.”

Chanyeol was just so naive that Baekhyun wanted to pull his hair in frustration. He had no idea how harsh the world could be especially if a person didn’t conform with what the society depicted as normal. And as much as he wanted to protect his best friend’s innocence, he wasn’t ready to fight those demons off because he was afraid that it would backfire at him. He’s not exactly out of the closet yet and was nowhere near ready to admit his sexuality anytime soon.

“In the eyes of the public, it is considered wrong when two guys are holding hands, Chanyeol.”

Baekhyun once again tried to pull his hand off of the other’s but to no luck.

“But Baek— your hands are so pretty! I need to protect them!”

Chanyeol pursed his lips and Baekhyun thought it was ridiculously endearing. It was also stupid how his ears warmed at the compliment.

“I can very well protect my hands, Park Chanyeol, so don’t be stupid.”

The taller’s pout exaggerated as he pulled their twined hands onto his lap and looked at them in awe.

“But I wanna be the one to do that, Baekhyun-ah— And your hands are just so beautiful, I can’t help but hold it.”

And damn his stomach for twisting in knots. The stupid commentary unleashed the beast in every fluttering butterflies in his tummy.

“I guess I can’t talk you out of letting my hand go now, can I?” He sighed dramatically as a false front but in reality, he’s internally melting into a puddle of goo. “Alright, fine. Hold it then. My hand is yours now to protect.”

Chanyeol’s reaction was immediate and it nearly wobbled Baekhyun’s knees because there’s that prepossessing smile surfacing on his lips— a smile that was definitely Park Chanyeol’s best accessory.

“Then let me do my job now, Baekhyun-ah. Quit pulling them off of mine’s, alright?”

In addition to that, Chanyeol had gotten more possessive— always jealous at anything he’d give attention to. It was stupid, really, but what was he to expect with Chanyeol? It’s not like it was new. He’d always been a bit— out of this world, with crazy ideas that Baekhyun had later on learned to tolerate.

As much as Baekhyun felt like floating in the air every time he’d go all possessive on him, he also felt bad and confused. Bad, because of the guilt he couldn’t help but feel whenever his heart would race every time it happened, and confused, because a best friend shouldn’t make their best friend’s heart gallop like that, right? He wasn’t supposed to feel that way but how could he stop when everything about Chanyeol was just so endearing? And the more Baekhyun got close to him, the more he’s enamoured.

There was this one time when they were just chilling at Baekhyun’s house when the green eyed monster unexpectedly took over his best friend in the most immature way.

"What the hell are you doing, Chanyeol? Stop wrestling Ddori with Ai. Her sharp nails will hurt him!"

Baekhyun’s grandmother gave him a cat for his birthday that year, a Siberian cat who’s lazy enough to sleep all day. He named her Ai— which she didn’t seem to like so far because every time he would call her, the furball would always ignore him— a far cry from Yeo, who had always loved the company of his human. Ai’s a beautiful breed if Baekhyun was to state his opinion— With soft gray coat and mismatched eyes, she was surely exquisite and she probably knew how pretty she was because she’s a primadonna who’d snob anyone who’d attempt pet her. She didn’t really like anyone most especially, Chanyeol’s Ddori.

He really couldn’t understand why the other was so keen on getting his pet hurt when he loved him so much. In fact, he babied the ferret— talked to him as if he was his kid and gave him anything he’d whine about. It was so weird seeing Chanyeol paying no heed to how his pet had been whimpering, as if he had shut his ears on him as he continued to bump his head onto the feline's relaxing body.

"Stop it, Yeol! You're provoking Ai to hurt him! You're ruining their friendship!"

“Friendship?” Chanyeol scoffed. “Your fat cat was trying to claw my Ddori, Baek. Is that what friendship is to you? Is that how you treat your friends?”

Baekhyun was about to rebut when Chanyeol spoke first, wearing an exaggerated pout on his lips.

"I hate how much attention you give to them! Don’t get me wrong though— I love Ddori with all my heart. What I don’t like is you, giving him all of your attention. Every time I took him here, you’ll forget about me and I feel out of place, Baek.”

It was true that Baekhyun had a soft spot for Ddori because of his sensitivity to people’s moods. The ferret always knew whenever he’s in one of those under-the-weather days. He was good at keeping Baekhyun preoccupied by asking for some belly rubs which always gave him good naps. He’d even play go-catch with him even though it was an activity he hated the most. So from then on, Baekhyun began to shower Ddori with his attention and that obviously made his owner extremely jealous.

“And now you have this— this lazy cat who’s past time is to glare at anything moving.” Chanyeol scowled at the purring cat. “She doesn’t even like making friends and that hinders our time together, Baek!”

Baekhyun was honestly pissed at what he’s hearing but he’d already known Chanyeol well enough not to know of his childish ways. The taller had always been passionate in hoarding his attention which he used to find endearing but not at this moment.

“Chanyeo—“

“I don’t like it, Baek.” He whined. “I really hate it when you had to ditch my invitations of going out just to make Ai feel comfortable in her new home. And now, after a week of not being with you— You’re giving your full attention on Ddori. But what about me, Baek? I need some attention too…”

The complaint was absolutely stupid and Baekhyun was now contemplating between punching his best friend’s face or pinching his humongous ears for being so ridiculous.

"Is this you, being jealous of our babies, Yeol?"

And that must’ve been one of the most stupid come back his brain had ever made up because Chanyeol’s reaction was instantaneous. There was a mischievous glint in his eyes as his lips slowly worked on a smile. And Baekhyun wanted to cut his tongue for being so careless.

"Our babies?” The taller raised a brow, definitely amused and highly delighted with what he just heard.

“Shut up.”

Baekhyun felt warm all over and he didn’t have to look at his best friend to know that the other was also blushing. Chanyeol’s happiness was radiating even without him talking.

“I like that, Baek— our babies.” Chanyeol took his hands and gave him a dopey smile. “But you’re most definitely the mom in this family because you’re pretty enough to be a woman.”

Baekhyun once again blushed but he immediately regained his composure and put on a scowl just to hide the giddiness he’d felt. There was something about the way Chanyeol said it that made his heart beat faster than normal. He actually hated being called pretty because the word reminded him of his childhood bullies, who used to call him pretty but in a scornful manner. But hearing it from Chanyeol instantly eradicated his loathing for it. Baekhyun then realised that he would never allow anyone to call him pretty except for Park Chanyeol.

“You’re an idiot,” Baekhyun felt his cheeks warm up with the way he was being stared at by the other. “Stop saying stupid things like that, Park. Pretty is for women and I’m a man so—“

Baekhyun didn’t have the time to react when those pair of long limbs instantly wrapped around him, warming not only his body but his heart as well. He was supposed to feel repulsed by the gesture but he found himself snuggling more into it because Chanyeol’s scent was intoxicating. He smelled like citrus and sunshine and Baekhyun wanted to rub himself more to him so that he could smell more like him.

“I know you’re a man, Baek, but what can I do if that’s the most accurate description of you?” Chanyeol smiled teasingly. “Take it as a compliment, okay? Because no matter who I’ll meet in the future, you’ll always be the prettiest to me.”

When Baekhyun went up to his room that day, he found the stranger lying on his bed and was tossing his stress ball back and forth. He didn’t seem to acknowledge him but rather kept himself preoccupied with the ball in his hands.

“So did you have fun today, Baekhyunnie?”

Shrugging, Baekhyun just walked toward his study table and placed the stupid book— The Time Traveller’s wife — on top of it. The man finally took his eyes off of the ball and stared at the book with interest.

“You should read that. It’s a good one.”

“Then how about you read it and tell me what it’s all about? You seem to have a lot of time in your hands since you’re always here to bother me.”

“Can’t,” the man cracked a smile. “He asked Baek to read it and I’m not Baek.”

Baekhyun only rolled his eyes and sat on the chair and flipped through the book’s pages. Then it hit him— he hadn’t gotten the man’s name yet. So Baekhyun cleared his throat, trying not to get to excited at the idea of finally getting the stranger’s name, and schooled his face into what he deemed a nonchalant one.

“So what’s your name then? If you’re not Baek?”

The man’s grin was huge, as huge as his twinkling eyes when Baekhyun dared to glance at him.

“Took you a long time to ask though.” He tilted his head to the side as if he’s contemplating on something and then he stood up and gave him a courteous bow. “You can call me Loey, Baekhyunnie.”

The name was definitely uncommon but why did he feel like it was somehow familiar? He hadn’t heard of that name before and had never met anyone with that name but there was something on it that Baekhyun couldn’t pinpoint. He promised himself he’d research for that name later.

“So was I correct though?” Loey’s deep voice drew him out of his trance as he moved closer to him and gave him a look of anticipation. “Was he worth the excitement?”

Baekhyun tried not to get affected by the nearness of him and turned his eyes back toward Chanyeol’s book just to avoid the man’s eyes. Peripherally, he could see him grinning— that all-teeth smile which nowadays seemed to make his heart beat erratically. That smile was Baekhyun’s favourite because it was like a reflection of his soul, unravelling the man’s hidden feelings. And right now, Baekhyun could tell that he’s really excited to hear his answer.

“No, he’s not,” Loey’s smile immediately turned into a frown. “He’s annoying and very persuasive.”

“So he’s not fun to be with? Not interesting enough?”

Baekhyun just had to laugh at that because the man was really pushing it. He was now having fun teasing him around. Swiveling his chair back to his table, he once again opened the book that Chanyeol was forcing him to read.

“He’s not.” Baekhyun said while scanning through the pages. “But if you’re talking about him— making me feel things I’ve never felt before, then yeah— Park Chanyeol’s definitely worth the excitement.”

>>•<<

February 21, 2008

I guess I really am infected—
with a giant bug called Park Chanyeol.

Baekhyun was 16 when he finally had enough and gave in to that pull of extreme magnetism over someone— That exhilarating feeling which only happened every time he’s within that person’s reach. It wasn’t rocket science, really, that his feelings had grown deeper because this person was just so good at making his heart flutter. So despite of how wrong it was to further his feelings for a boy, Baekhyun didn’t have it in him to stop it.

“Goddamnit, Byun! Hurry the fuck up!”

Jongdae had been banging on his door for 15 minutes now but Baekhyun just ignored his helpless cries.

“I’m giving you a minute to open your door or so help me God, I will break it.”

Baekhyun snorted at his cousin’s threat but he continued to draw his eye out, smudging the dark kohl under his eyes to intensify his look.

“Patience, my friend. It took 6 days for God to create the whole universe and he had to re—“

“For fuck’s sake, Baekhyun! You’re not the universe!” Jongdae finally cried out for his patience already reached its lows. “Look— I know you’re gay, okay? But you didn’t have to prove how queer you are by putting your goddamn makeup longer than a girl. How the fuck aren’t you still ready when you’ve been preparing for 2 hours already?”

His cousin may be yelling but his hands were still busy breaking the door.

“You know what? I’m so done with you. Fuck you and your crush with Park Chanyeol!”

So Park Chanyeol had recently became one of the popular kids in school. He had joined the soccer team that year and he was now one of the most valuable players. Chanyeol’s a superb player that every time he set foot in the field, people could see his heart on display. He’s a great play strategist— special thanks to those video games that trained him to easily map out the enemy’s weaknesses. He had executed those game plans effectively and had been a great team player, offering his help to any of his teammates in need.

“What the fuck is taking you so long when you can put your makeup on even with your eyes closed?“ Jongdae was still continuously banging his door. “You’ve been obsessing what to wear for 2 weeks already— Not to mention the insurmountable makeup tutorials you’ve watched whenever you’re not stressing yourself with clothes!”

Baekhyun sprayed some finishing mist on his face to set his make up as he snickered at his cousin’s complaint.

“Calm your balls, Dae. We still have an hour left before the game starts so we’ll be just on time! You’ll still get to see Minseokkie-hyung do his introduction stunts so shut your mouth and leave me and my makeup in peace.”

That was actually the reason why Jongdae had been going all out jerk on him. Kim Minseok, the captain of the soccer team, was the one he had a huge crush on. Said captain wasn’t just good in that sport but also had a youthful face that would make anyone doubt his age. He’s one of the nicest upper batch guys who had helped the three of them with their school works and was one of the reasons why going to school had always been exciting.

Jongdae had been supporting Minseok ever since he saw him playing for the team during their sophomore years— dragging both Baekhyun and Chanyeol to wherever game the older would play at. Minseok was really good in soccer that he’d earned quite a number of fans from both boys and girls alike. And Baekhyun found it funny how Jongdae kept on scowling at the captain’s fans every time they watched his game. His feelings were indeed showing through his eyes.

Finally unlocking his door, Baekhyun was met with Jongdae’s fiercest glare and he could tell that he was trying to contain the remaining coolness in him. His cousin was really about to lose his shit that he had to put his hand on the his shoulder to somehow appease him. But then he remembered the last words Jongdae said so he narrowed his eyes and tightened the grip he had on his shoulders as if he’s intent on breaking them.

“And fuck you as well for screaming my crush out in the open, you douchebag.” Baekhyun said with a glare. “You are so blessed right now that my parents are here or I’m gonna bury you alive in one of those walls. The walls in this house are thin so can you please lower down your voice? You’re disturbing our neighbours!”

Jongdae dared to smirk at his rage.

“You’re not really subtle about your little crush, Byun. Everyone knows about it. I don’t even think you need to profess your love for Chanyeol— just so you know.”

Sometimes, Baekhyun wondered if Chanyeol’s really that oblivious to his feelings because he had always been so obvious about his crush on him. Just like Jongdae said, he wasn’t really low-key about it and it frustrated Baekhyun so much that the object of his affection couldn’t see how much of his heart had been exposed to a point where it’s almost embarrassing already. He’s already running out of ideas on how else he could show his best friend of his feelings.

“Who said I was trying to be subtle? I wanted everyone to know of my interest in him so that no one would attempt to steal him away from me.”

Jongdae raised a brow but the man didn’t get to see it because he busied himself with fixing his damn magenta hair. Baekhyun had dyed his hair red right after they watched the first soccer game in support of the team but it then on faded into a vibrant magenta that it attracted the whole of the school’s population. Fellow students kept complimenting his hair and the praises boosted his self-confidence.

In addition to that, Baekhyun also started wearing better clothes that seemed to flatter his slim figure. His body had always been effeminate— with curves that could rival a woman’s. He had always been mistaken as a girl not until they looked at his chest, which basically confirmed how much of a man he was.

“Damn. You sure did prepare for this, Byun!” Jongdae gave him a once over. “I don’t think there’s a need for me to wish you good luck anymore. Chanyeol will surely say yes after you confess to him.”

Baekhyun’s face broke into a grin because Jongdae had just complimented him and that was a rare occurrence. Jongdae would never say good things about someone not unless he was definitely pleased with whatever he was seeing. His words had elated Baekhyun and it sure did fire up his courage.

“Alright. Let’s go.” Baekhyun smiled widely at his cousin who didn’t hesitate to return the gesture. “I’m ready to bring Chanyeol’s heart home.”

“And he scored! Jersey number 61’s been on fire tonight, everyone! Do you think he’s trying to impress someone?”

Baekhyun laughed at the commentator’s blabbering but at the back of his mind, the remark sure did make his heart giddy. He’d like to assume that it was him who’s jersey no. 61’s trying to impress.

“So who do you think he’s trying to impress, Baekhyunnie?”

He immediately turned his head to the right and saw Loey watching the game with an excited look on his face. Then he looked to the left to find that his cousin was not there anymore. It was actually the perfect time to introduce the two to each other but Baekhyun was too busy cheering for Chanyeol that he didn’t know Jongdae had already gone to some place he had no idea where.

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun yelled just to get heard because Chanyeol once again scored thus, the screaming crowd. “... that’s like his usual game. That's normal.”

Loey’s grin turned bigger. “Do you really think so? I think he’s trying to impress someone.”

He had a mischievous smile on his lips but Baekhyun’s eyes zeroed in to that dimple gracing his left cheek— which he now noticed was the same as Chanyeol’s.

And then the crowd turned rowdy, with his schoolmates jumping and screaming as loud as they could because the game was finally over— they’d officially won and it was Chanyeol’s goal that ended the match that night. Baekhyun cursed internally and blamed the man’s eye-catching dimple because the sight of it engrossed his concentration that he wasn’t able to see the winning kick.

“Like I said—“ Loey smiled at him teasingly. “I really think he’s trying to impress someone.”

Later that night, Baekhyun tried to stick to his best friend’s side as much as he could but the latter was continuously being whisked away by different people, expressing him their heartfelt as well as flirty congratulations. It annoyed Baekhyun to hell but the smile on Chanyeol’s lips made him kept his composure. He could tell how happy he really was and as his best friend, it wouldn’t be nice of him to ruin his night. His plan could wait as long as Chanyeol’s still sober enough to hear his confession.

But then the minutes turned into hours and Chanyeol hadn’t returned to him yet. It was making Baekhyun uncomfortable because he didn’t know anyone at the party. What's worse was that Jongdae had left him to his own and had been missing for 2 hours already. He could only assume that the bastard was with the captain. He was okay with it though because he knew that they’ve been deprived of each other for weeks now since Minseok had been busy with soccer practice. Baekhyun wouldn’t dare to look for them tonight for fear of his innocence being corrupted. He’d seen a lot of action tonight already and that was enough.

He was starting to get antsy because the crowd was getting wilder. Some of their classmates were already drunk and was either busy grinding with someone or sucking face with some seniors. And it made Baekhyun worry because Chanyeol might also be as sozzled as them by now. He knew how shitty his best friend’s alcohol tolerance was and that he also didn’t know how to say no. Baekhyun didn’t want him to end up getting hammered because he didn’t doll himself up tonight for nothing. It was tonight or never. He was determined to confess tonight and no one would stop him.

Park Chanyeol’s someone impossible to miss due to his stupid height. He would usually stick out like a sore thumb in a pool of people but Baekhyun couldn’t see one heck of a beanpole anywhere. So he decided to go upstairs because the second floor seemed to be a great place to start looking for him. But all of his plans were thrown out of the window the moment he saw his best friend, leaning onto a door frame, with his hands on either side of a senior girl’s head and was kissing her with his eyes closed. The girl’s arms settled comfortably around his shoulders as if it had always been its rightful place from the start. The scene unfolding before him made his knees teeter and the courage he was able to muster up that night slowly dissolved into thin air.

And so he ran— as fast as he could as the tears blurred his eyesight. His mind was in chaos and his heart was a mess. He didn’t know which he’d tend to first because he’s still at a lost as to what just happened. All he could feel was that his heart was breaking and it was so unfair how it could still reason out with him when it was falling to pieces.

Stop assuming. Stop jumping into conclusions. Chanyeol won’t do anything that will hurt you.

But he just did.

Baekhyun didn’t know how he made it home but he was glad that he’s now at the confines of his room. And even though the silence was intensifying the sadness that was crushing his being, he’d rather feel them just so it’d make things real-er. He believed that it’d be easier to move on if he’d embrace the pure torture of seeing the person he love kissing someone else.

“I’m sorry,” there’s a gentle hand running down his hair as he felt the space beside him dip. “I wish I could say don’t cry but I— I understand the gravity of what was done. You have all the right to be hurt, Baekhyunnie, and I’m sorry that I— I mean, that you have to feel this way now.”

If Baekhyun noticed how Loey was stuttering with his words, he didn’t comment on it but rather continued to muffle his cries against his pillow. It was already 2 in the morning and everyone was sleeping already. He didn’t want to wake the house up for them to witness his heartbreak.

The hand on his hair slid down to his back, providing gentle strokes which somehow comforted his aching heart. And it did serve its purpose because the gesture was able to make him stop crying.

Sniffling, Baekhyun slowly turned his head toward the man and saw the look of pity in his eyes. He never really liked being pitied upon but he was too tired to give two shits about anything right now.

“Why are you saying sorry? It’s not like you were the one who was kissing Dara-noona.”

He felt the man tense up at his statement and immediately tore his eyes away from him. That was the first time Loey had done that and the look of guilt on his face was also new. Baekhyun was curious. He wondered why he’s having that look when it wasn’t him who’d done him any wrong.

Pushing himself up to a sitting position, Baekhyun placed his hand onto the man’s shoulder, giving him back the attention that had been momentarily diverted from him.

“I don’t want your apologies,” Baekhyun moved his hand up to carefully caress the man’s cheeks. “It wasn’t you who did me wrong so don’t you dare apologise for him.”

Loey leaned into the touch and placed his hand over his. He then ran his eyes all over Baekhyun’s face as if he’s memorising his features.

“You really look beautiful tonight, Baekhyunnie. You absolutely stole the spotlight.”

Baekhyun offered him a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“But not beautiful enough to kiss me like how he did with Dara-noona.”

Loey finally pulled him into his arms and Baekhyun cried onto his chest. His arms circled his body as he rocked them back and forth.

“I was planning to confess to him tonight,” he said in between tears. “... because I like him so much I feel like my chest is going to explode every time I see him. I’ve never felt so strongly about someone until now and I just really like being with him and I thought we were on the same page because if his gestures weren’t considered something, then I don’t know how else to call it.” Baekhyun paused to take a breather. “I’m an impatient guy and he’s taking so long to make a move so I thought that maybe I should man up and make things official— but I guess I’ve misread the signs because obviously— he’s not into boys.”

Baekhyun’s really grateful that at least there’s someone there with him right now to hear his heart out. Loey didn’t speak but instead held him tighter and let him vent out his pain. And after a few moments of silence, the man slowly leaned back and wiped the remaining tears on his cheeks.

“Maybe you should talk to him, Baekhyunnie? At least hear him out first before you jump into conclusions?”

Baekhyun replied with a pout and the man’s lips curled into a soft smile.

“Who knows? Maybe he might’ve wanted the same things you’ve wanted.”

This time, the pout became a frown as he hid his face onto the man’s chest.

“I don’t know. It’ll take a while before I can work up all the courage in me to confess again, you know— and that’s not easy.”

“And so is loving someone, Baekhyunnie.”

Loey’s smiling fully now and Baekhyun was once again distracted by that damn dimple on his cheek because it was really just like Chanyeol’s. Damn him and that stupid dimple of his.

“Love is not for the faint hearted,” he said as he gently cradled Baekhyun’s cheek. “... and you’re not one, Baekhyunnie. I’m positive that you’ll survive this. I know you will.”

Before he could even respond, the moment was interrupted by a familiar ringtone Baekhyun’s been dreading to hear. But as if he had the heart to decline it— so he begrudgingly pressed the green button to receive the call.

Baekhyun-ah~ where are you?

Baekhyun closed his eyes and sighed audibly.

Home.

He could still hear the loud music at the background.

Why did you go home without me? I thought we’re going home together?

Yeah, but seeing you kissing someone really hurt, Baekhyun wanted to say but he instead replied with, I wasn’t feeling well so I went home.

A long and deep breath on the other line was what followed next.

Do you need anything then? I can drop by the pharmacy and get you some pills or anything you might need?

Baekhyun felt the tears prickle the corners of his eyes because Chanyeol sounded hopeful and his heart couldn’t help but to soften at that.

I’m okay, Yeol. I just want to sleep.

Alright then but— Baek? The hesitancy in his best friend’s voice was palpable. I— I wanna see you. Can I come over?

And Baekhyun wanted to cry with how much that simple question delighted his heart. He realised how scary of a human being Park Chanyeol was for having so much power over him and that was just so unfair. With a heavy heart, he then on answered with, Okay. I’ll wait for you then.

Chanyeol stayed over that night but he just slept and never said a word about what happened and Baekhyun didn’t dare to open it up because he wasn’t ready yet to hear anything that would ruin that wonderful morning he’d woken up to because—

When he opened his eyes, he found himself tucked inside his best friend’s chest, his arm loosely wrapped around his waist. He was cold but the feeling of Chanyeol’s body against him made him warm all over so he indulged himself and snuggled closer. It wasn’t the first time Chanyeol had slept over but it was certainly the first time Baekhyun prayed that they were something more. His heart skipped a beat because of the close proximity.

To Baekhyun, waking up with Chanyeol was a dream come true and he was actually content with the dynamics and comfortability they have. He’d do anything to make them a mainstay in their relationship.

And as the realisation dawned in, Baekhyun’s heart ache at the fact that he’d rather have Chanyeol as his best friend than ruin what they have. He’d never forgive himself if he lost Chanyeol just because he was too greedy to ask for more. The taller’s already the best part of his life. He enjoyed being with him and he’d never want to disrupt the closeness that they have.

Baekhyun had never wanted to play safe in his life not until now. He knew how hard things would be from now on since Park Chanyeol was so easy to fall in love with. It would be a struggle to contain his feelings but he’s not ready to let go of what they have so he’d rather keep his stupid feelings to himself than risk their friendship. It might be a coward move but he firmly believed it was for the best. He decided to secretly love his best friend from afar.

Baekhyun was brought out of his mulling when he felt the other move closer and nuzzled his temple. Fuck Chanyeol and his disregard for personal space.

“Good morning, Baekhyun-ah~” He said in that deep voice of his as he began to rub the sleepiness out of his eyes, his arm still looped around Baekhyun’s.

Making the most out of the situation, Baekhyun nosed his best friend’s neck and smiled at the way he shuddered from it.

“Morning sleepy head,” he said with a big yawn to which Chanyeol immediately laughed at. “Are you hungry?”

It was Chanyeol’s turn to yawn. “Yeah, I actually am.”

But instead of making a move to act on his hunger, the taller only tightened his hold on him and pulled him more to his body. “Before we eat, I need to tell you something, Baek— And I’m so sorry for this but I just really want to get this off of my chest—“

Baekhyun already had an idea on what he’s about to say but he did his best to calm himself from the panic that was beginning to arise. This wasn’t what he wanted to talk about first thing in the morning but Chanyeol looked as if he was in dire need to let this one out. So he slowly leaned back and raised his head toward the other, giving him his absolute attention.

“Uhm— last night, I— something happened.” Chanyeol was fidgeting so Baekhyun gently squeezed the arm that was around him as an encouragement for him to continue. “Dara-noona and I— kissed.”

The last statement was what finally ended Baekhyun’s blissful morning but he knew that he had no right to get upset. He already came to a decision that same morning to stay as Chanyeol’s best friend and that was without reservations. So to hell with his heart getting broken over and over from now on.

“I actually didn’t know how it happened and why on Earth I let that happen.” The look on Chanyeol’s face was nothing but of guilt. “I remember the sunbaes— passing me shots after shots last night and I couldn’t really say no to them so I got a bit tipsy— but I wasn’t drunk, Baek! I promise I wasn’t.”

Baekhyun once again squeezed his arm to stop him from panicking. Chanyeol released a sigh and continued with his explanation.

“When I finally escaped the sunbaes, I went back to search for you but I couldn’t find you so I asked around and then I got held back by some of the seniors Dara-noona was in and she asked for my help to look for her friend. She said she wanted to go home but she couldn’t leave her friend behind because they promised to go home together. So we excused ourselves and went to search for her friend but when we got upstairs, she— she suddenly pulled me against her and we almost crashed the door, Baek, and then she— she uhm— she kissed me.”

Baekhyun didn’t know if he was to laugh or to cry over Chanyeol’s rambling. But at least now he knew that his best friend wasn’t the one who initiated the kiss and he was honestly relieved at that. It was funny how the taller looked like he’s almost on the verge of breaking down so Baekhyun gave him an encouraging smile which instantly eased his best friend’s anxiety. Chanyeol finally relaxed and carried on with his story.

“I— I didn’t really know what to do. I— I mean, that— that was my first— kiss, Baek, and it was awkward and— messy and I didn’t feel anything."

The last part definitely intrigued Baekhyun.

“What were you actually expecting to feel then, Yeol?”

Chanyeol averted his eyes and exhaled a long breath.

“The spark, Baek— that tingling sensation that would make your body feel like it’s on fire.”

Baekhyun laughed and stared at him in amusement.

“I didn’t know you’re into those love shit magazine articles, Park! Are you sure your description’s really for kissing and not for something else?”

Chanyeol pinched his side and laughed over his hair.

“Stop teasing, Baek. You have no right to judge me for that since you’re one of those avid fans of romantic novels which have those— something else.”

“Shut up,” he groaned as he slid his face back to where it originally was— at Chanyeol’s chest. “I guess you’ll only feel that spark when you’re kissing someone you really like so maybe because you didn’t like her enough?”

Baekhyun thought Chanyeol had fallen asleep on him because there was no reply from him. But after a few minutes, the taller leaned back and the look he was giving him made him want to melt into a pool of goo.

“Baekhyun—“ The way Chanyeol spoke of his name was overwhelming. It almost made his toes curl in anticipation. “If I— If I ki—“

“Byun Baekhyun!”

And the moment was officially ruined— all because of his brother, Baekbom, who kept on calling out to him while attempting to break his door.

Baekhyun heard Chanyeol blew out a long breath as he slowly removed his arm around him, his eyes looking at anywhere but him. There were pink hues on his cheeks all the way to his ears and Baekhyun thought that his day was already complete just by seeing how flustered Chanyeol was. What he didn’t know was that he was also in the same blushing fit as the other.

“Baekhyun! Is Chanyeol there with you? Mrs. Park’s on the phone and she’s asking if you know where he is! She’s been calling him and his phone seemed to be dead.”

That was their cue to separate even though it was against Baekhyun’s wishes. Chanyeol immediately got up, fixed his bed hair, and pulled out his phone from his pocket. His phone had indeed ran out of battery.

“I’m sorry but I’ll see you later, Baek.”

Chanyeol looked so worried and Baekhyun didn’t know why. Then he scampered through the door and bowed at his brother before running down the stairs.

Baekhyun had a bad feeling about that because he had never seen Chanyeol looked so distress. But he chose to ignore his feeling and decided to wait for his best friend to tell him what happened. He knew Chanyeol would never keep anything from him.

A week had passed and Baekhyun still hadn’t spoken to Chanyeol. When he dropped by their house, he was told that he was in Busan, visiting his grandparents and would be back over the next weekend. It was the longest they’d spent away from each other and Baekhyun was out of sorts because he was missing him too much.

The next Saturday morning, Baekhyun was awoken by a loud knock on his door.

“Baekhyun-ah! I’m back!” Chanyeol greeted in excitement as he opened the door and walked toward his bed. “I’m sorry to wake you up but I am really excited to see you.”

Baekhyun shook his head and worked on a smile.

“Welcome back, Yeol! How was your trip?”

Chanyeol smiled widely and ruffled his messy hair.

“It was— okay,” the smile looked uneasy now and Baekhyun unconsciously frowned at the sight. “But the train ride was an amazing experience, Baek! Next time let’s go together?”

Baekhyun nodded and rubbed his eyes to get rid of the sleepiness in his being. “How’s your grandparents?”

Chanyeol didn’t answer and when Baekhyun finally looked at him, he saw the other’s smile had fallen off of his lips. He sighed and held his hands as he said, “Grandpa had a hip replacement surgery two weeks ago.” His fingers began to tremble and Baekhyun gently squeezed them in reassurance. “... and my Grandma’s not strong enough to cater to his needs so my parents asked me to stay with them until he’s at least okay to sit on his own. But— he’s nowhere near getting better, Baek. His doctor said that it’s mainly due to his age already.”

If there’s one thing Baekhyun loved about the Parks, it was their closeness and Chanyeol, now rambling about his grandparents’ condition, proved that he’s definitely just as worried as his parents were for the elders.

“The fact that they’re living on their own didn’t sit well with my parents but with the company expanding, they couldn’t do much for them. Yoora-noona’s studying in London so that leaves me, being the only one available to help them out.”

“So what’s the problem, Yeol? You should go and be there for them. You cannot let your grandparents be on their own. You said it yourself— You’re the only one who can help them.”

But as soon as those words came out, the gravity of the situation made Baekhyun’s heart break at the implication of it. He hadn’t even had the chance to recover from last night’s heartache and now there’s a new one he had to deal with.

“I know I have to go, Baek, it’s just that—“ Chanyeol breathed deeply as he stared deeply into his eyes. “I— I’m going to— miss you.”

And it hurt— how Chanyeol could speak of these words so naturally when Baekhyun knew that he had no right to feel so much about it, to put colours into those words. They weren’t anything but best friends but the way Chanyeol said it was like he really did mean it and it was so fucking unfair that his heart was easily pleased, like a dog with two tails.

“Well, there’s that amazing thing called cellphone, Yeol. You can put them into good use now instead of just putting them inside your pocket.” Baekhyun laughed to lighten up the mood. “So you see— you won’t really miss me that much ‘cause I’ll only be a phone call away so stop being melodramatic about this. Besides, Busan’s just a 2 ½ train trip. We can alternate going back and forth to see each other.”

Baekhyun wished it was really as simple as that but he knew how far their situation was from being one. The upcoming year’s going to be tough on them since they’d both be graduating already. There’s school stuff and reviews for university entrance exams they’d have to get through but he had to lie just to make things sound simple. It’s one of his duties as Chanyeol’s best friend— to make him feel that there wouldn’t be anything their friendship wouldn’t be able to handle.

“But it’s still far, Baekhyun-ah~” Chanyeol finally lied down and snuggled closer to him. “I’m so used to seeing you everyday. I can’t even begin to think how I’d be able to handle being away from you for that long...”

Baekhyun chose to laugh just to hide the fact that his insides were melting. Trust Chanyeol and his innocent ways of flirting with Baekhyun’s feelings. It was messing with his sanity again.

Ruffling the other’s unruly hair, Baekhyun gave him a soft smile as he said, “You’ll be fine, Chanyeol-ah. We’ll get through this— when have we not?”

Chanyeol pouted but after a few minutes of sulking, he then on released a smile that Baekhyun had always loved seeing on him.

“I guess you’re right.”

The dimple on his cheek showed up and Baekhyun almost froze at the realisation of how it really looked like the one on Loey’s cheek. Come to think of it, he still hadn’t researched on Loey because there’s been a lot on his plate lately. With school and it’s notorious assignments and projects, most of his time were invested on it and maybe a little on his best friend too— which was a lie of course because Chanyeol really was the reason why he’d been busy.

Maybe with this break, Baekhyun would be able to do that? To know more about Loey? He decided he’d start asking more about the man that next time they see each other.

It had been silent for a few minutes now— with Chanyeol, pondering on how things would turn out for them when he left for Busan while Baekhyun, contemplating on something he’s not sure how to ask.

“Yeol—” he said as he tucked his face on his best friend’s chest. “Uhm— what about— what about Dara-noona?”

Chanyeol’s brows knitted in confusion.

“What’s with Dara-noona, Baek?”

“Well, y-you guys kissed, right? So— what I mean is— what are you gonna do about it?”

Baekhyun hated himself for stuttering but he couldn’t help the nervousness that was seeping through his being. He’s really scared of knowing what would happen now that his best friend had been kissed by some pretty senior— If Chanyeol wanted to pursue Dara or he had no plans of doing anything at all. Baekhyun had to be prepared for it. His heart had to be properly geared up for what was about to come.

And then he heard a chuckle, as the arm circling around his waist gently drew him closer.

“There’s nothing I’d have to do about that, Baekhyun-ah, because I told noona that I—” He paused, breathing deeply. “... that I already like someone else.”

It was Baekhyun’s turn to go rigid, keeping his face closer to Chanyeol’s chest as his mind began to get filled up with a thousand and one thoughts. He didn’t actually know that Chanyeol already had someone he liked and it hurt him so much because how could he miss that one out when he’d always been focusing on Chanyeol ever since they became best friends?

Baekhyun had been busy drowning in his thoughts that he didn’t know his face had already been tilted up by his best friend.

”You’re frowning, Baekhyun-ah~”

“Why didn’t you tell me that you already like someone? I thought we’re best friends? Aren’t you supposed to tell me everything? Especially big things like these? We’re not supposed to keep secrets from each other, Park Chanyeol! I’m insulted!”

Chanyeol only laughed at his rambling while Baekhyun’s mind began to narrow down the names of who might’ve been his best friend’s object of affection. He was stupid, so stupidly consumed by the list of names in his head that he didn’t get to hear what Chanyeol mumbled next.

I actually thought I was being obvious.

“Huh? Did you say something, Yeol?”

The taller shook his head and Baekhyun continued with his brooding. Chanyeol only smiled at his best friend’s internal conflict, his free hand combing the other’s soft hair, the strawberry-scent invading his nose. He’s always been fond of Baekhyun’s hair and would run his hand on it whenever there’s an opportunity.

“Don’t think about it for now, Baek. Let’s make the most of our together time.” Baekhyun frowned, disappointment marring his soft features and the taller smiled widely as he held both of his cheeks and squished them together. Baekhyun whined at the assault but he didn’t protest on it.

“Now that it’s settled, let me tell you something Baek. You better listen to this and take this seriously, okay?”

Chanyeol loosened the hands that were on Baekhyun’s cheeks and cradled them in a gentle manner.

“I’ll be back, Baek, before you know it,” and then he smiled, the softest, most beautiful smile Baekhyun had ever seen him wore. “And when I do finally get back, I promise that we’ll never ever be apart.”

Chanyeol left two days after breaking the news and Baekhyun was literally a crying mess at the train station. He hugged him tightly without any intent of letting him go and if only not for Jongdae, he’d be on the train with Chanyeol already. Jongdae’s poor attempt on making Baekhyun feel better was so ridiculous that Chanyeol had to intervene so as not to attract more attention. He drew Baekhyun into a hug and whispered his promises to him— promises like calling him always and that he’d visit on his next school break.

When Baekhyun got home that night, Loey was already there, waiting for him with that usual breathtaking smile on his lips. Baekhyun frowned because it reminded him of the first time he met the man— whom he used to call stranger but wasn't now anywhere near the word. He remembered how the man smiled at his heartbreak for Yeo. He thought his smiling face was really offending. But now that he was over it, he couldn’t deny that that same smile also made him feel better at that time.

“Baekhyunnie, come here!” Loey patted the space next to him and Baekhyun complied but with a pout on his lips.

“I hate you,” He said as soon as he sat beside him. “And that stupid dimple of yours—“

“But your best friend has it too!” The man defended and it was stupid that he was pouting while he said that. Baekhyun had to bit his lips to stop the laughter from erupting. Then the pout turned into a soft smile as the man gently ruffled his hair.

“I like him, Baekhyunnie— you should keep him.”

“Who said I’m letting hi— Woah—“

Baekhyun’s eyes kept on blinking rapidly just to make sure that he was seeing things perfectly.

“Am I missing him already that I’m seeing some of him on you? WOW. You kind of have the same facial features— like your nose is similar in shape as his. Your lips are also the same as his. And maybe if— well, I don’t know about his eyes because they were huge due to how thick his eye glasses were. But still— my point still stands that you kind of looked alike. You could actually trick people into believing that he’s your younger brother!”

Loey’s laughter roared across the room and Baekhyun was quick to join him. When they finally stopped from busting their guts out, the man gave him a huge grin as he said, “I actually don’t have a brother, Baekhyunnie.”