Chapter Text
How the fuck.
What the fuck.
There was no way this could be happening.
No fucking way.
Ok, maybe he was freaking out. No, he definitely was. This shouldn’t have been possible. It was supposed to be all in good fun, and they had already tested the future cubes, teleportation cubes, whatever the fuck you wanted to call them. Dammit. Kimball trusted them on their own. Hell she built them their own metal bases! (They mimicked the canyon bases a little but it still put a roof over their head. ) This shouldn’t have happened. It shouldn’t be possible!
“Stop being a big baby Wash, we’ll be fine.”
“Tucker, you shouldn’t be messing with that stuff. You have no idea what could happen.”
“No. Screw you, you never let us have any fun.”
Fun. Wasn’t worth this.
Carolina sighed grabbing Caboose by his collar and slapping him back on the couch. She stood by Wash and waved her hand in front of his face “Wash?”
He snapped out of his gaze and looked at her half terrified and half confused “What the fuck are we suppose to do with them!?”
Carolina shrugged and looked at the couch. What were they going to do with eight toddler-like versions of the Reds and Blues?
Wash looked at the couch. They were all scattered around and making noise. Wash had gathered (or guessed really) That most of them were at least 5 while Kai was 3, Sarge was 6, and Donut was 4. He also found out that none of the children remembered anything but their age and name. They also had no idea who Washington and Carolina were. Even after Carolina told the kids there names most of them still referred to them as the adults or fun-killers. For all they knew they hadn’t existed before now. At least that’s what each kid claimed. Wash almost didn’t believe them on the fact that each kid had made several references to Santa Clause or Cooties. What the hell?
This wasn’t possible. This wasn’t possible. This wasn’t possible.
The more he repeated it, the more it seemed like a bad dream. But he would glance up at the couch of the mess of children and think. How is this possible?
Simmons and Grif were fighting. By fighting Wash meant 5 year old Grif was touching 5 year old Simmon’s robotic parts while Simmons pushed his hand away. At least Simmons was trying to shush Grif and pay attention to the adults. Whilst Kai was jumping up and down on the couch to be able to talk at Tucker’s height, who was sitting on the top of the back support of the couch and kicking his feet as he listened to Kai. Sarge was terrorizing Donut, telling him theories and what the older people would do if they got off the couch. While Donut watched with wide eyes and soaking up every detail. And then there was Doc. Actually, Doc wasn’t doing much. He would sit patiently with his fingers crossed. He looked nervous. The only time Doc did anything different was when a kid would bump into him and ‘O’Malley would come out push them away, and threaten to give them cooties or something. But even that was pretty harmless. The only ones that had caused problems so far was Caboose and Tu-
Washington looked down to see toddler Caboose clung to his leg. Wash tried to shake him off a little, but Caboose only held on pressing his cheek into Wash’s pant’s fabric with fear and determination. Wash sighed knowing he would have no choice but to deal with it.
Carolina continued looking at the couch with equal terror. “I have no idea.” She whispered.
Wash nodded unsure of what to do. Carolina and him kind of just stood there for a minute with Caboose latched onto Wash’s leg.
What were they supposed to do?
Neither of them has ever had children nor been good with them. Wash continued to stare at the kids in front of them. They hadn’t even changed clothes or anything. Simmons was still half robot, Doc still wore his glasses (only they were smaller), Donut still had the ends of his hair dyed blond, Kai still wore little denim shorts with the pockets hanging out, and Tucker-
Tucker still had his gorgeous teal eyes and Sangheili tattoos trailing up his face.
“Don’t be so dramatic, we’ll be fine.”
“Whatever, just be careful”
Tucker smiled knowing exactly what Wash meant.
“I love you too Wash…”
Fuck.
He couldn’t have any sort of relationship with Tucker like this. He was a child! That was pedophilia. He didn’t know about it on an alien planet but he’s pretty sure it’s illegal anywhere.
Carolina cleared her throat. She had been just as confused and speechless as Wash had.
“Well, we know humans need stuff like food and water. So I guess we find out if they’re hungry and try to keep them occupied as we figure out how to fix this.”
Wash nodded not looking at her. His eyes were locked on Tucker.
Carolina must have seemed to notice because she did a double glance from him and Tucker and looked at him. “You need to pull yourself together.” She said calmly in a quiet voice.
Wash nodded and averted his gaze down to Caboose. He bent down and pulled Caboose of his leg and lifted him up. Holding him and balancing him on his hip. Caboose smiled and wrapped his arm around Wash.
Carolina looked at the kids and spoke. “Alright, listen up!”
Most of the kids looked Carolina’s way. Grif glanced over at her and quieted down leaning his head on Simmons. Doc flinched at the shout and at Kai flopping down on the couch next to him. Sarge sat respectably for authority while Donut sat criss cross with a smile. Even Tucker leaned against the back wall and quieted down with only as much as an eye roll.
Once Carolina had everyone’s attention she spoke again. “Wash and I have to...work on a few things and will take turns watching you guys. So raise your hand if anyone is hungry before Wash takes first shift?”
Wash gave her a glare and a face that could only have screamed. ‘What the hell am I supposed to do?’
The kids began speaking amongst themselves and Grif had his hand in the air the second the word ‘hungry’ was mentioned. Doc also had his hand raised low.
“Hey! I have a question.”
Carolina looked at Tucker. “Yes?”
''What food would we get?”
The other kids seemed to like this question and Grif spoke up. “Yea none of that vegetable crap.”
Carolina glanced at Wash wondering if he knew. When Wash just shrugged she returned to look at the kids. “I know we have MREs and we also have oatmeal, and last I checked we had rice and pemmican.”
Grif scrunched his nose “I don’t want to eat pelican.”
Simmons shook the other toddler off of him. “Its pemmican, or dried meat dummy.”
Grif smiled and Doc frowned and looked on the verge of tears “I don’t want to eat animals.” He whimpered
Wash looked at Doc. Please don’t cry. He wasn’t good with children and was even worse with crying children.
Carolina looked at Doc “You don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to.” She said calmly.
How the hell was she so calm?
Doc wiped away tears and sniffled. “ok.” He said quietly.
Carolina turned to Wash. “Alright here's the game plan.” She said as the other kids began talking again. “I’ll go into the kitchen and heat up some MREs or something, while you keep the kids on the couch I’ll bring the food in, and they’ll eat. That will keep them occupied for a while while I go try to figure out how to fix this. You just keep them occupied while I work.” She said.
“What you’re just gonna leave them with me?”
“I’ll lock the base doors so they can’t get out."
“What am I supposed to keep them occupied with?” He whisper shouted.
Carolina looked around. There wasn’t much around the base but the t.v. That could work. They had a few DVDs. “Turn the T.V on. That’ll keep them distracted.”
Wash nodded clutching Caboose closer. Put aside all the fear and confusion, Caboose was a cute kid. He had a bundle of black messy curls and adorable brown eyes. Surprisingly quiet, but probably just scared.
And with that Carolina left into the kitchen. And Wash was now alone with 8 children. He stared at them hoping they would just continue talking on the couch. But Donut had joined Kai jumping on the couch while Tucker and Kai tried carrying out a conversation over the loud noises of Grif and Simmons arguing about who had originally started their argument. Wash was almost concerned about Doc but he seemed to be ‘O’Malley at the moment and was laughing maniacally while Sarge called him a traitor.
It was too much noise. It made Caboose clutch Wash tighter. This was a problem. What was he thinking? These were the Reds and Blues they were talking about. They would do their own thing for a while but it would eventually get out of hand and someone would get hurt. What keeps kids occupied? They could play a game but what game would they all want to play. Knowing Tucker he wouldn’t play unless there was a prize. Wash was trying to think about something they could all play when somehow Grif and Simmon’s conversation landed on food and next thing you know Grif was climbing off the couch and tugging on Wash’s shirt.
“Dibs on picking which MRE I get to eat first.” He said.
Simmons slid on the couch and crossed his arms “No fair.” He protested.
Apparently, Donut was listening too because he stopped jumping to add to the conversation. “I get to pick second.” he declared with a smile.
And Donut caught Tucker and Kai’s attention and they stopped talking. They turned their attention to each other, glaring to see who would try to call it first.
“Dibs on third!” They both yelled.
‘O’Malley laughed and Sarge put his opinion in, claiming he deserved to pick before Grif.
And it became an argument about food, between everyone.
This was bad…
Or was it?
Wash spoke up. “Well obviously the one who is the best mannered gets to pick first.”
All the kids stopped talking and turned to Wash. Washington almost thought his plan failed until Tucker slowly slid off the top of the couch and sat on the cushions. He looked at Wash and sat politely. Kai looked at Tucker and sat down next to him with a smile on her face. And just like clockwork everyone else followed. Soon all the kids were sitting peacefully on the couch except for Grif and Simmons who sat quietly on the floor. The only problem was that they were all looking at Washington waiting for the next command.
“We should play a game.” Caboose said in Wash’s arms.
If anyone could keep them entertained, it was Caboose.
“What game should we play Caboose?” Wash asked.
“Caboose says!” He replied with a smile tugging lightly at Wash in hopes to be put down.
Wash carefully put Caboose down and Caboose stood in front of the other kids with a smile.
“How do you play?” Doc asked.
“Simple. If I say Caboose says stand up then you must stand. If you do not, you are out. If I say stand and you stand your out because I did not say Caboose says.”
“So basically Simon says?” Grif said with a frown.
Caboose nodded and Wash continued. “Winner gets to pick their food first.”
“Well what about Caboose? He can’t lose, that's no fair.” Sarge said arms crossed.
Caboose smiled lightly “I like all foods.” He stated.
Wash nodded. Thank you Caboose. Wow. He never thought those words would leave his mouth. Ever.
“Well if you want to play stand up.”
Everyone stood up and Caboose smiled. “Ok let’s start.” He said.
Caboose looked at the group of kids and smiled. “Caboose says… raise your hand.”
Everyone raised a hand.
“Caboose says....jump!”
The kids happily started jumping with one hand up. Kai even took Grif’s available hand and made him jump near her. Swinging his hand with a smile.
“Ok you all can stop now.”
Sarge stopped jumping.
“That means you're out Sargeant Sarge.” Caboose said.
Sarge frowned “But you sa- Trickery!”
Nonetheless Sarge sat out and the game continued.
“Caboose says...put both hands up.”
The kids put their other hand up in pride.
“Caboose says… sit criss cross applesauce.”
The kids all sat down but Kai put her hands down.
“Uh. Mrs. Kai, I didn’t say you could put your hands down, that means that you are out.”
Kai shrugged and made her way over to the couch as Tucker stuck his tongue out at her. She replied with the same motion.
“Okie, Caboose says…. You can put your hands down.”
The remaining children than put their hands down.
“Caboose says… slap yourself with your left hand.”
This led to a fit of laughter and commands. However instead of slapping himself, Grif slapped Simmons. Claiming it was worth it when he got out and Donut slapped himself with his right hand.
“Sorry butterscotch.” Caboose said.
They both retired to the couch which left Tucker, Simmons, and Doc.
At this point Kai must have been bored because she was playing with Tucker’s dreads as he took commands from Caboose.
“I’m bored.” She told him.
“Get out so you can play with me.”
“Who cares about dumb food anyway.”
Tucker eventually forfeited and joined Kai continuing to jump up and down on the couch.
It was left with Doc and Simmons.
“Caboose says.... To give up the game and claim rightful pickings to Caboose.”
Everyone looked at Caboose who stood there innocently waiting for them to quit. Wash looked at Caboose too.
The sly devil.
If they gave up they would lose and if they didn’t give up they would also lose.
Caboose you crafty son of a bitch.
Simmons and Doc looked at Caboose in confusion and slight betrayal. Then Simmons sat down on the couch and Doc (or 'O'Malley at the moment) got out for disobeying the order given.
When did Caboose get smart?
Maybe he was just intelligent as a kid?
Washington was confused.
“Well then Caboose picks first then, Simmons and Doc, then Tucker, Donut and Grif, Kai, and lastly Sarge.” Wash said still in slight shock.
It wasn’t much longer until Carolina came in with three different kinds of MREs, some plastic forks, water bottles, and plastic plates. Wash watched as the kids huddled around the couch and ate.
Carolina sighed. “They’re going to get the couch dirty.” She stated.
“Yea… So any ideas on how to reverse this?”
“I have a start. I just need to work without distractions. Think you can handle them?” She asked
Wash looked as the kids ate. Fuck he was terrified. Worse than that, petrified. But they were still the Reds and Blues, and he handled them just fine before. He could do it.
“Of course I can.”
What's the worst that could happen?