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“I think when all this is over, we should do this properly.”
That’s what Shimazaki had said at exactly one-twenty two in the morning, the day before Claw’s failed world domination attempt. Minegishi can remember the way his arm had been slung around their waist, how he’d smiled as they’d kissed his lips and traced the bruises on his neck with their thumb. “Do what properly?” they’d said, to which he’d let out a soft laugh before answering.
“You know, this,” Shimazaki waved his arm, gesturing vaguely to the two of them, “Our relationship, or whatever.”
Minegishi raised their brow. “Is what we have right now not good enough for you?” they’d asked.
Shimazaki shrugged. “I mean, there’s nothing wrong with our actual relationship, I just…” he’d paused and sighed, “I’d like to not have to sneak around so much, you know what I mean?”
Minegishi had known exactly what he’d meant- one of the few restrictions within Claw had been a strict, no-relationship policy as to not distract from the whole ‘world domination’ thing’. Of course, the two of them had paid no mind to the rule but they’d still kept everything under wraps, mostly out of fear of what would happen to them if Suzuki were to find out.
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” they’d answered, “Though I think Hatori worked it out on his own.”
Shimazaki had snorted. “He wouldn’t rat us out.”
“Only because he knows you would beat his ass.”
“And you wouldn’t?”
Minegishi had rolled their eyes at that, moving closer to him. “Shut up,” they’d said, before leaning in to kiss him.
The two of had stayed like that for a while; their lips had fit together like a key fits into a lock, slotting together and sliding apart with practiced ease. Shimazaki had pulled them closer, his bare chest pressed against their own. When Minegishi had pulled away he’d smiled at them, his hand cupping their cheek as they rested their forehead on his.
“I love you,” Shimazaki had muttered, his breath warm against their skin.
Minegishi had smiled, leaning in to kiss him again before saying, “I love you too.”
And in that moment, everything had felt alright.
--
Minegishi’s thinking about that moment right now, as they look at Shimazaki for the first time in eight months.
It’s a Wednesday night, and he’s sat on their couch, his feet up on the coffee table as he drinks out of a single-serving bottle of pinot grigio (that Minegishi had been saving for Friday) through a bright pink straw. He’s wearing his old red shirt and black leather jacket and pants, but they’re torn and stained with what Minegishi can only hope is ketchup. He’s got a smug grin on his face, looking far too pleased with himself for someone who’s just showed up at his ex-partner’s apartment after disappearing without a trace for eight months straight.
“You know,” he says, “I thought you’d be happier to see me.”
Minegishi opens their mouth to reply for a second, then closes it again when they realise they have no idea how to respond. On one hand, they’re relieved to see him- anything could’ve happened to him over the last eight months and they’re just grateful that he’s even alive. On the other hand, Shimazaki just appeared out of nowhere after all their plans had broken down and not speaking to him for nearly a year and naturally Minegishi is furious. They’re quiet for a few moments before coming up with a response.
“I fucking hate you.”
It’s the first and only thing that they can think of and they spit it out maliciously, watching as Shimazaki’s smug expression turns into a frown.
“Toshiki-”
“Shut up.” They quickly cut him off before making their way to the kitchen. They run the cold tap and splash water onto their face, staring at their reflection in the sink below. It’s only a few moments before a second dark-haired reflection joins their own and they feel a hand rest on their arm, gently enough that it could be removed with very little force- but Minegishi still makes a point of smacking it off of them and jerking away. When they look up at Shimazaki he looks somewhere between hurt and confused, still holding out his hand like he’s expecting them to come back. His lips are parted, trying to form a word that he clearly hasn’t thought of. Minegishi just glares at him, their eyes narrowed and fists clenched by their side; there’s tears forming in their eyes which they blink back, staying quiet and swallowing down the lump in their throat.
Shimazaki is the one to finally break the silence, putting his hands in his pockets and letting out a sigh. “I take it you don’t want to do this properly then?” he says-
And that’s when Minegishi snaps.
“Shimazaki, are you fucking kidding me?” they raise their voice, no longer bothering to stop their tears, “You disappeared without a trace, you never said shit to anyone, and now you have the audacity to show up and ask if I want to get back together with you?” They take a step closer to Shimazaki, who says nothing. “Why the hell should I agree? For all I know you’re just trying to get in my pants before disappearing again!” They’re yelling at him now, eight months of pent up stress anger pouring out as tears run down their cheeks. Shimazaki remains silent, his expression unreadable as he listens. “You don’t get to do this, Shimazaki. You don’t get to- I mean, how do I know you’re even being serious? You didn’t seem fucking serious when you didn’t pick up my calls for eight months!"
They pause for a moment, sniffing and wiping the back of their sleeve across their face, and Shimazaki steps forward again, reaching out to place his hand on their shoulder.
"Toshiki, I'm not-" He starts, but before he finishes a vine wraps around his wrist, holding him in place as Minegishi looks up at him.
“I don't know how you think you get to just show up like this, Shimazaki,” they cut him off, “You don’t get to just abandon me- no, abandon us then show up like nothing happened.” As if to prove their point, the vine around Shimazaki’s wrists tightens, squeezing his skin until his hand seizes up. Strangely enough, he’s yet to teleport away- clearly he’s trying to get something out of them but whatever it is, they’re not about to give it to him.
“Look, I-”
“Don’t make excuses, asshole,” Minegishi snaps, though they’re trying desperately to hold back tears; they wipe their eyes with the back of their hand, their voice threatening to break at any second, “You ran away the moment things weren’t going to plan! No-one knew where you went, you could’ve been injured, you could’ve been captured, you could’ve been…” Their voice trails off for a moment, the word on the tip of their tongue but refusing to come out. A sigh leaves their mouth and at the same time the vine that’s wrapped around Shimazaki’s wrist withers up and dies, freeing his hand in the process. He frowns at them, his expression surprisingly passive.
“Look, Toshiki,” he says, “I know you’re mad and I get it, but-”
“You get it?” Minegishi grits their teeth, “
You get it?
I spent eight months worried sick about you! Eight months wondering where the hell you were and if you’d ever come back, and what did you do over those eight months, huh!? You definitely weren’t letting any of us know you were alr- hey, where do you think you’re--?” They cut themself off as they watch Shimazaki teleport out of the room, then reappear seconds later holding a box of tissues.
“You look like you need these,” he says, holding the box out toward them.
Minegishi looks down at the tissues for a moment, then back up at him, tears still rolling down their face. A whimper slips past their lips, soft and pathetic, followed by a choked sob as they properly start to cry. They barely process what’s going on as they find themself being pulled into Shimazaki’s arms. They find themself gripping the material of his shirt tightly in their fists as they bury their face in the crook of his neck and snivel into his shoulder. They feel his hand rest on the back of their head, his fingers combing through their hair as he holds them tight against his body. Minegishi makes no attempt to pull away this time, gasping and whimpering against him. A suddenly feeling of weightlessness engulfs their body before they find themself laying on their bed, face still buried in Shimazaki's shoulder. He doesn't say anything, instead shushing them gently as he presses a kiss to the top of their head. Minegishi makes no effort to move or pull away, leaning into him as they feel his embrace tighten around their body.
They stay like that for a while.
Minegishi isn’t sure how long they’ve been crying for when they finally stop. Their throat hurts and their vision is blurred as they look up at Shimazaki, who still has an arm wrapped around them as he wipes the tears from their cheek with his thumb. Neither of the speak for a few moments, the silence only slightly uncomfortable.
Eventually, Minegishi’s the one to break the silence, sniffing and forcing a smile as they say, “Why are you like this, Shimazaki?”
Shimazaki just sighs.“I owe you an explanation, don’t I?”
Minegishi rolls their eyes and laughs dryly, voice hoarse from crying. “No shit,” they say, then pause before adding, “Get me a glass of water first. Then… go ahead, whatever.” They try to sound apathetic but if their sudden outburst had been anything to go buy, Shimazaki isn’t buying it. They hear him mutter something under his breath before he disappears, reappearing a minute of so later holding a glass of water filled nearly to the brim. He hands it to them with an apologetic smile.
“It took a while to find your glasses,” he explains, “Sorry about that.”
“It’s fine,” Minegishi answers quickly, before tilting their head back and chugging the contents of the glass. They wipe the water that missed their mouth with their arm before setting the glass down on the bedside table and turning to face Shimazaki. "I'd like that explanation now."
Shimazaki seems to hesitate for a moment or so, fiddling with the hem of his jacket as bites his lip in thought. Minegishi decides that it's probably best not to rush him, so they stay quiet and wait as he lets out a sigh and lays back against the bed.
"I… really don't know how to say this," he says, sounding uncharacteristically unsure of himself, "At least, I don't know how to say this in a way that sounds okay…" He pauses, seeming to wait for Minegishi to respond to them; when they don't he sighs again before continuing. "After I was defeated that day I realised… everything that we- Claw, that is- planned, just… wasn’t going to work.”
“And?” they narrow their eyes, “You could’ve stuck around like the rest of us.”
Shimazaki shrugs. “I figured that if Claw did fail, then you’d just be arrested and…” his voice trails off and for a few moments the two of them are left in silence. Minegishi observes him quietly, watching as he licks his lips nervously and listening as he takes in a deep, shaky breath. Then he adds, “I saw the news, and uh… I know what happened to Suzuki.”
There’s silence again. Minegishi knows exactly what Shimazaki’s talking about; several weeks after his failed attempt at world domination, national news channels revealed that Suzuki Touichiro would be on death row- used for government research for as long as he consented, and when he was no longer able to he’d be put to death in an undisclosed detention centre. Now that they think about it, Shimazaki’s sudden disappearance is pretty understandable. Without a word, they lay on the bed too, slinging on arm over his stomach and resting their head on his shoulder. The position feels totally foreign, yet all too familiar at the same time. A wave of deja vu hits them as they feel Shimazaki’s fingers run through their hair, followed by the horrible, awful, dreadful and downright terrifying realization that they’re definitely still in love with him.
They decide to stay silent.
The silence is broken when a sudden laugh leaves Shimazaki's lips, hollow and forced. “For all I knew everyone else was in the same position as him,” he points out, “And even if you weren’t… well…. I like, kidnapped the prime minister. If I returned or tried to contact you or something I’m sure someone would’ve found out…”
“...Okay.” Minegishi says, quickly and simply.
Shimazaki seems confused. “...Wait, what?”
“I said okay,” they look up at him, unable to hold back the small smile that comes to their lips, “I get it, you wanted to stay safe.”
“Really?”
They shrug. “I mean, you still should’ve called me,” they add, “Or any of us. We all would’ve happily given you a place to stay while your figured everything out. But other than that… I guess I forgive you.” At this, Shimazaki’s frown turns upwards into a smile, his usual self-satisfied grin returning to his face.
“Does this mean you want to pick up where we left off?” he grins, his hand sliding down their body to rest on the small of their back, and Minegishi-
Well, Minegishi really, really wants to say yes. Though they’d never say it out loud, they’ve spent the last eight months worried sick about Shimazaki, and right now they want nothing more than to finally be with him- not just sneaking around and making out when others aren’t there, just a proper, adult relationship. But even though they want nothing more, there's another, more logical, part of them that knows throwing themself into something this soon isn't a good idea. They exhale heavily before shrugging. "To be completely honest," they say, "I don't really know…"
"You don't?"
They sit up, running a hand through their hair. As they pull away they already feel themself starting to miss the way Shimazaki’s hand had been resting on the small of their back, but they try to push it to the back of their mind. “... I mean, I want to,” they tell him, “I just…” Their lick their lips in thought, pausing for a few moments before continuing, “I just think we should give it some time before making any decisions.”
Shimazaki doesn’t say anything for a few moments, nodding slowly; his expression is unreadable, his lips set into a straight line and his brow furrowed. When he does eventually speak, his voice is quiet and slightly sad-sounding. “I, uh… I missed you, you know?” he says, “I’ve never stopped… well, being in love with you, but I...” His voice breaks slightly before trailing off, and Minegishi isn’t entirely sure how to respond; they’re not great at handling their own emotions, let alone Shimazaki’s.
“It’s fine,” they respond simply, feeling the mattress dip beside them as Shimazaki moves closer to them.
“It’s not, though, is it?”
Minegishi shrugs. “Well, it isn’t really,” they frown, “But it’s not like we can do anything about it. I think…” They pause for a moment, and during that pause they feel Shimazaki’s arm slide around their body, his hand coming to rest on their waist. Momentarily they stiffen up, before relaxing into his touch and continuing. “... All we can do is try to be better, you know what I mean?”
“Yeah, I know.”
Shimazaki’s thumb rubs circles into their side and they’re unable to help but smile, grateful that he can’t see the colour that comes to their cheeks as they do. “I’m sorry for raising my voice,” they say, “But… you kinda deserved it.” They hear him chuckle, feeling the vibrations against their body.
“Yeah,” he replies, “I kinda did.”
“You better not disappear again after this,” they add jokingly. Shimazaki doesn’t laugh this time, and they feel the muscles in his arms tense up. They bite their lip, hesitating for what feels like an hour. When they do speak, it’s muttered quietly towards the floor. “I, uh... I love you.”
Shimazaki’s response comes without uncertainty.
“I love you too.”
Neither of them speak. Elsewhere in the apartment building, Minegishi can hear the heavy bassline of someone’s music and the sound of shouting coming from the floor above them. Outside, rain is starting to fall, the patter of the water against the window filling the silence in the room. They lean against Shimazaki and close their eyes; his embrace feels warm and familiar, as does the steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathes. It’s in no way ideal, but right now it’s enough.
In that moment, everything feels alright.