Chapter Text
‘It’s calling me again and I don’t know if I can resist it. The Supreme Leader can sense it. Please, show me the way before it’s too late.’
As always, since that one time, the burnt-up, mangled helmet remained silent as ever. Perhaps, Snoke was right and he had proven himself unworthy since. Still, one would be tempted to think that problem would be resolved faster and more efficiently if someone would just tell him what he was doing wrong. But it seemed those of the dark side were no less prone to withholding answers than those of the light had been. Empty platitudes and ‘Figure it out yourself’s, sprinkled with some back-handed praise every once in a while.
Unthinking, Kylo touched the cold, metal object in his pocket. It shouldn’t have been there. He should’ve done away with it the moment he’d gotten his hands on it. He hadn’t wanted it. Looking at it made him sick. Yet, there it was still. Taunting him with false promises.
‘Good, start listening. That’s the way. Come on, you’re so close to the point. How do you even manage to still miss it? You’re brain short-circuited, that it?’
Kylo sprung to his feet and ignited his lightsaber, swinging it towards the source of the voice. He cursed himself for allowing someone to sneak up on him in his own quarters.
A man, engulfed in strange light, crossed his arms as the blade passed through him. ‘Ah, I see we’re finally getting somewhere.’
‘What’s your business here?’ He jabbed his lightsaber through the intruder. He found no resistance.
The intruder, unarmed himself, frowned down at the blade piercing through him. ‘Is that your solution to everything?’
‘Who are you? Answer me.’
‘Take a guess.’
He wasn’t in the mood for any games. He grabbed for the intruder. His hands passed through. The man wasn’t engulfed in strange light, he consisted of it. Like a hologram. But that couldn’t be. Kylo sensed the presence of a sentient being before him. He knew of one Force-aided technique that could accomplish it. But who would risk their lives for no apparent reason? He extended his senses.
It felt off. The being in front of him was feeling, thinking being, but something about it’s presence in the Force was off. It didn’t feel like the living Force.
‘Starting to get an idea?’ The apparition lifted an eyebrow. ‘Come on, you’re not dumb. Give it a guess.’
‘No.’ He shook his head. ‘What kind of trick is this?’
‘No tricks.’ The apparition spread his arms. ‘You already know who I am. You should be able to sense the connection. For now, I will only tell you this. My path in life was a mistake. Do not follow it, my grandson.’ Without as much another word, without as mush as a flicker, the apparition vanished.
A chorus of blasterfire and screams resounded in FN-2187’s ears. He dropped down beside his injured ally, a low wall being the only thing between them and certain death. He shook his ally, tried to pull him to his feet, but it was too late.
The dying man reached out his hand, trying to find whatever hold-on he could find in his last moments. As his life left him, his bloodied hand slid down FN-2187’s helmet. He recalled how their fellow stormtroopers had made fun of their now-dead ally. How he wouldn’t last a minute on a real battlefield. They were proven right, cruelly so.
He had to leave his fallen ally. If he lingered, if he hesitated, he’d end up the same. The smell of blood, fire and death filled his nose, making his stomach turn in knots. He found cover at the edge of the battle and stayed there, pretending to wait for an opening. If he wasn’t convincing, both enemy and ally would have it out for him. By the time the battle died down, he hadn’t fired his blaster once.
A command ship touched down and General Hux emerged, conveniently after the battle was over. A single prisoner was picked from the villagers gathered at the centre. Hux looked down at the prisoner and began talking. The prisoner responded with only a smile and something muttered under his breath. Hux turned bright red.
Phasma approached the scene, turning to Hux. ‘Where’s Ren?’
‘I’ve been given full command of this operation, by orders of the Supreme Leader,’ he hissed. ‘You will answer to me.’
‘Yes, Sir,’ Phasma said. ‘What of the prisoners?’
‘That will depend.’ Hux turned back to the prisoner. ‘Their fate is in your hands. Hand over the map or their blood will be on your hands.’
‘That blood will be on your hands,’ the man answered. ‘The map is long gone.’
‘Perhaps, you speak the truth, or perhaps you do not,’ Hux said. ‘The outcome will be the same.’ He held up his hand as if to give Phasma the order. The prisoner scowled, but remained silent. Hux continued. ‘You speak the truth, I see. Then you are of no more use to us.’ With a single shot from a blaster concealed in his jacket, Hux ended the man’s life. But his full command was almost cut short by a blasterbolt sent in retaliation from the dark. The only thing saving him was Phasma yanking him to the ground.
A lone figure was dragged out of the shadows. Hux scrambled up, dusting off his clothes. His triumphant look returned when he saw the new prisoner. ‘I believe we know where the map went. This one is with the resistance.’
‘Ah, you remember me?’ The shooter returned the smile. ‘Don’t tell me you’re still mad about that star destroyer.’
‘He’s all that we need,’ Hux stated. ‘Bring him aboard and take care of the villagers.’
‘Very well,’ Phasma said. She ordered two troopers to escort the prisoner, then turned to the rest. ‘On my signal!’
Along with the rest, Finn took position and brought up his blasters. He aimed at the living beings huddled in the centre. Sentients, who could no longer defend themselves. He could almost feel their fear.
‘Shoot!’
As the only one, he didn’t pull the trigger. He couldn’t. They couldn’t make him do this. He would not kill for them. So instead, he stood and watched.
By the time he stepped back onto the cruiser, FN-2187 trembled in his boots. He pulled his helmet off, finally able to breath. Down the front of his helmet, his fallen ally’s handprint was marked in his blood. The last trace of a soldier who’d never had a real name, whose existence would be forgotten.
He leaned against the wall. Someone must’ve noticed. Someone had to know he hadn’t fired. To top it off, the main commandship had been floating over the cruiser while they came in. He sincerely doubted the honours were for him. The Supreme leader wouldn’t have time to deal with a wayward stormtrooper.
‘FN-2187.’ Phasma appeared from around the corner, catching him by surprise. ‘Who gave you permission to take off your helmet?’
‘Apologies.’
‘Have your blaster admitted for inspection,’ she ordered. ‘Report to SG-2745 afterward. Supreme leader requires assistance.’
Soon, they would know his blaster was perfectly fine. That he had been the one who hadn’t functioned. And he would be exactly where he didn’t want to be when that happened.
Kylo scoured every accessible inch of his quarters for the hidden holoprojector, but found nothing. Which only meant it was well-hidden. He wasn’t about to fall for some cheap trick.
‘Cooled down yet?’ The apparition reappeared, sitting casually on a chair. Kylo pointed his lightsaber for him. He responded with an eye roll. ‘I do believe we’ve ascertained that does not work.’
‘Impostor.’ He bit, deactivating his weapon. Against a hologram, it would serve no other function than to make him appear foolish. He had resolved to ignore every word it said, but something stopped him from doing that. He did feel a connection. Manipulation.
‘I’m no impostor,’ he said. ‘But if you’re so sure I am, what do you have to fear? I can do no more harm to you than you to me.’
Kylo wasn’t so sure about that. The Force gathered around this creature in a way he’d never seen before. ‘I won’t fall for any of your mindgames. I know what my grandfather looked and sounded like, not like you.’
‘First of all, falling in lava does that for a guy. Second, vocorder.’ He frowned. ‘Third, don’t believe every voice you hear in your head. They tend to have ulterior motives.’
‘You’re wasting my time.’
‘Very well then,’ he shrugged. ‘I’ll be short about it. I betrayed everything is stood for and it was a mistake. The darkness isn’t power, it’s destruction. It won’t save you. It won’t save what you love. It will take everything from you and leaves you nothing but pain and rage. Do not let it control you. Go home.’
‘Liar.’ Kylo said, hating how his voice wavered. ‘If so, why now? Why did you not tell me this years ago?’
‘I tried.’ He looked to the floor. ‘But I could not reach you. Only now, you permit yourself to see me.’
‘Convenient.’
‘You already know why that is. Look inside. You made this happen,’ he said, fading away. ‘Be careful, Ben. I sense danger coming for you.’
‘Don’t call me that,’ he snapped at the spot the apparition had been standing. It were lies. All of it. It had to be. His grandfather had been the champion of the dark side, bringer of order, peace and security, having only fallen victim to a moment of weakness. Snoke had told him over and over again, how the same destiny was waiting for him to reach his full potential at long last. And how he was failing. And what he had to do to set that right. What he had to become, that which has always been waiting inside of him to be released, held back by nothing but his own weakness.
But what if that’s not the only way?
He shook his head. There couldn’t be. A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts.
‘Sir?’
He opened the door and demanded, ‘What is it?’
Two troopers, FN-2187 and SG-2745, he recalled waiting outside said.. SG-2745 spoke. ‘Supreme Leader wishes to speak with you, Sir.’
‘Very well.’ He motioned to close the door.
‘Immediately, Sir, and in person.’
‘Impossible. I have to depart for the mission within the hour.’
‘Sir,’ the voice said with more than a twinge of unease. ‘The mission has already been completed in your absence. The command was transferred to General Hux.’
That couldn’t mean anything good. He understood enough about this place by now to know if things were done behind your back, you were about to be screwed. Most definitely if Hux was involved. Even more so when Snoke was personally meddling. ‘Did Supreme Leader say what was so urgent?’
‘No, Sir. Just that it was urgent.’
‘How far away is the Supremacy?’
‘Within range, Sir.’
Even worse. Snoke rarely came close to a battlefield unless his personal intervention was required. Said intervention was never a pleasant experience. ‘Prepare my ship. I’ll be leaving immediately.’
‘Uh, Sir,’ Sg-2745 said. ‘We have direct orders to escort you. Orders from Supreme Leader Snoke.’
Definitely not good. He pushed past them. ‘Well then, we shouldn’t keep him waiting.’ That only ever makes things worse.
There could only be a few reasons for Snoke’s sudden visit. He had sensed something was wrong. Either the appearance of the apparition, or the secret he’d been keeping for days. Only when the door closed behind him, did he notice he’d left his helmet on the table. He considered going back for it, but Snoke would likely tell him to take it off anyway. Taking the initiative might ease what was coming.
‘Leave us.’ Snoke dismissed the stormtroopers. They withdrew immediately, leaving him to face Snoke on his own.
And that was very much how Kylo preferred it. The last thing he needed was more witnesses to what would inevitably be coming. The praetorian guards lined along the wall, watching his every move was by far enough for him.
‘You summoned me?’ He knelt down and looked at the floor, already regretting having left his mask. Lying to Snoke was difficult enough with his face concealed and his voice deformed. And he had two secrets to guard, both of which might be considered treachery.
‘I’m sure you know why, my young apprentice.’ Snoke furrowed his brow in what might be taken as concern. He knew by now that it was a warning.
‘I was removed from my mission.’
‘You were.’ Snoke stood. His voice was soft, but rarely did that indicate his judgment would be mild. ‘I did not believe you were in an adequate state of mind to carry it out to satisfaction. I don’t need to tell you why, do I?’
A shiver ran down his spine. Neither confirming nor denying would help him. Silence felt like the only option.
Snoke approached, lifting up Kylo’s chin. ‘I removed you from such a vital mission and you truly cannot think of a single reason as to why?’
He shook his head, resisting every urge to get away. To run and hide. There was no getting away. Only getting through it.
‘I sense distress in you, apprentice.’ He shook his head. ‘Tell me, what is it that troubles you?’
‘There’s nothing.’
Snoke’s hand moved away from his chin, and came down harshly across his cheek. ‘Do you take me for a fool? Do you think I would’ve come here for nothing?’
‘Of course not.’ He ignored the metallic taste in his mouth.
When he dared look up, Snoke’s face softened. ‘What don’t you show me what you’ve found?’
A mixture of dread and relief went through him. It was the lesser of two secrets. Although no less perilous. He took the golden dice from his pocket. Weeks ago, a bounty hunter had delivered it to him as proof that his crew was holding Han Solo captive. With a twisted grin, the bounty hunter had told him it should be enough proof for him, in specific. Whether it was true or not, there’d been no prisoners when Hux’s troops had arrived. ‘It’s a meaningless trinket.’
‘And yet, you still have it.’ Snoke stated. ‘You should’ve done away with it instantly.’
You think? I’m sure regretting it now. Thinking that was a mistake. ‘It was a mistake. Forgive me.’
But Snoke had already heard the thought. He Force-slammed him into the ground. ‘You should’ve thought of that before you let a mere trinket plant doubt in you. Your resolve is fading. You’re becoming weaker every day. And worst of all, you’re foolish enough to think you can deceive me. You’re a disappointment.’
‘It was a mistake, I swear.’ He crawled up, fighting the shards of memory from the two conversations earlier today. ‘A fleeting weakness. I will not give into it.’
‘What else are you trying to hide from me?! After all I’ve done for you, you defy me? You know I can take whatever I want.’
Instead of revealing the apparition and the things it had told him, confessing to having considered there may be truth to it, he threw up his barriers. Just you try. By focussing all his thoughts on the dice in his hand, he concealed the rest from the growing scratching against his mind.
Snoke seemed satisfied by what he saw. ‘And still, you are waiting, like the fool you are. Your father is not coming for you. He never was and he never will.’
‘I know that.’
‘You’re allowing yourself to be crippled by your own doubt,’ Snoke said. ‘‘Have you forgotten how your family thought you nothing but a monster? How they would’ve murdered you in your sleep? For them, you would throw away everything I helped you achieve.’
‘I’ll never forget,’ he bit. ‘And they’ll pay.’
‘Good, good, there it is,’ Snoke bared his teeth in a twisted smile. ‘Your anger. Your pain. Those are what make you strong. Alas, you are too sentimental. Such a waste of your potential.’
‘I swear, I will overcome that weakness. I just need time.’
‘Let me help you.’ Snoke gestured at the praetorian guard.
‘No, wait.’ He struggled in vain agains the guards forcing him down, twisting his arm so he couldn’t move. The protection of the static-deflecting cloak was torn away from him. ‘Please, don’t -.’
Searing hot pain shot through the skin of his back, again and again, until the guards didn’t need to hold him down anymore. Until the edges of his vision faded.
‘This pains me more than it does you,’ Snoke said. ‘But you must never forget, it was your father who caused you this pain.’
The stormtroopers that had brought him, dragged him away again. The golden dice were still tightly clutched in his hand.