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Love is for children.
There was a time when she truly believed that. The Black Widow wasn’t supposed to have the capacity to love anyone - let alone fall in love with America’s golden boy. It was laughable, downright ridiculous, and the KBG would have already had her assassinated for being a failed protege. She was the world’s best spy and was trained by one of the most ruthless assassination programs. Hell, she still was the best but things were different now.
There were things she wasn’t willing to do anymore - things she couldn’t do anymore. She had to learn to adjust her ‘techniques’ because the thought of being physical with any other man was repulsive to her - not to mention it was completely disrespectful toward their relationship even if it were strictly for a mission.
So here they were, going from work partners to being head over heels in love with each other - the
Black Widow and Captain America.
Natasha absentmindedly washed the dishes as she looked over to see her boyfriend asleep on the couch with baby Nate on his chest and Lily curled against his side - Cooper not being much of a cuddler was laying on the floor with a pillow. It was the cutest sight ever and it made her wonder if she was keeping him from fully being happy. It hadn’t been the first time this thought has crossed her mind. Steve was a family man and she was the Black Widow. The red room had made sure that she would never be able to have children. She didn’t even know if she wanted kids if given the option. It wasn’t even a discussion they had ever had. Steve never openly expressed ever having the desire of having a family but she could see the way he glowed when he was spending time with the Barton children. He deserved to have that and she couldn’t give it to him even if she wanted to.
“Looks like my kids wore out your boyfriend.” Laura laughed as she continued to put away the leftovers. “We should do this more often.”
“We should.” Natasha hummed in agreement. “It’s always nice to be with your family.”
“It’s always nice to have you guys over. You’re our family too Nat.”
She nodded her head as she turned her gaze back to her boyfriend. Suddenly, something inside of her clicked.
“What’s wrong Nat?” Laura asked when she noticed the strange look on her friend’s face.
“I don’t know.” She said honestly. “It’s just looking at him like this makes me feel like I…” her words trailed off as she tried to find the right word to describe her emotions.
“Like you want a family?”
It sounded crazy and stupid but it was true. As of recently, she had found herself actually admiring babies more than usual - anything that had to do with little people suddenly became adorable to her. For some reason, she never considered the fact that she was having major baby fever. It was all ridiculous and pointless anyways. She couldn’t have babies and she wasn’t the type to be a mother either. How could she be when she didn’t even remember her own mother? The memories of her parents were a blur and the red room adopted her and turned her into the world’s best killer. A person like her wasn’t worthy of becoming a mother.
“You know… I used to have nothing and then I got this job. This family. And I was better because of it.” She sighed sadly. “I’m still trying to be better.”
“Nat.” Laura reached over and placed her hand over hers. “You’re not the same person you were when Clint found you. You deserve to be happy.”
“I’ve still got red in my ledger.”
In her mind, it didn’t matter if she had become a better person than she was before. Nothing she did now would ever be enough to erase the hundreds of people that she killed.
“No one is perfect. Look at Clint. He didn’t exactly have a spotless past either but look at him now. He’s saving the world by day and being the best father by night.”
“It’s not the same.” Natasha began to protest but was immediately cut off.
“And why isn’t it?” Laura asked challengingly. “Take a look at Steve. At one point in time, you didn’t think you were good enough for him and now look at the two of you.”
Natasha glanced over at her sleeping boyfriend and as much as she hated to admit it, her friend had a point. At first, she had done everything she could to ignore her feelings for him but now she couldn’t imagine a life without him.
A soft whimper came from the baby before he finally began to cry.
“He must be hungry.” Laura walked over to pick up her crying baby. “Come here baby.”
“What time is it?” Steve yawned as he carefully returned the baby to his mother. “I didn’t even realize I fell asleep.”
“It’s fine. I was just telling Natasha that were should do this more often. The kids can never get enough of their uncle Steve and auntie Nat.”
“That sounds nice. I love spending time with your crazy kids. The amazing home cooked meal is an added bonus.”
“You’re too kind Steve. I’m sure Nat is keeping you fed at home.”
“She does but I wouldn’t exactly call frozen tv dinners and peanut butter sandwiches a home cooked meal.” He laughed when he saw his girlfriend roll her eyes.
“Watch it Soldier.” Natasha playfully warned. “I can cook. I just never have any time.” It was the truth. She did know how to cook but between missions, there really wasn’t any time to properly plan out a meal. If they weren’t on a mission, they were training the new recruits. Quick meals like take out, frozen dinners, and sandwiches were just so much more efficient. “Would you rather starve?”
“I’m not complaining.” Another roar of laughter rumbled from his chest as he held his hands up to show surrender. “I’m going to bring the kids up to their rooms and then we can go home.”
“Sounds like a plan.” She smiled as she watched her boyfriend carefully carry the children upstairs to their rooms. There was no denying it now.
Natasha Romanoff secretly wanted a baby.
——————————————————————
“You’re being awfully quiet tonight.” Steve said as he climbed into bed next to her and wrapped his arms around her. He could sense that there was something bothering her. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“Right.” He dipped head in the crook of her neck and kissed her softly. He let his lips linger for a few seconds before propping himself up so he could into her eyes. “I think we both know I know you better than to believe that. So tell me what’s wrong.”
“I’ve just been thinking.” Natasha sighed. This wasn’t a conversation she was quite ready to have, at least not yet anyways. Not when she was still trying to sort out her own feelings and thoughts.
“About?”
“Do I make you happy?”
The question caught him completely off guard. They have been together for a few years now and he’s never given her a reason to believe that he was anything other than happy. As corny as it may sound, she was his better half in every sense of the term. Life was just better with her in it.
“Of course you make me happy. Why would you think I’m not happy?”
“I see the way you are when you are around the kids.” She said sadly. “It’s not too late for you to have a family.” And I can’t give it to you.
Steve wiped a stray tear that escaped her eyes before placing a soft kiss on her lips to silence her worries.
“You’re my family Nat.” He said sincerely. “The truth is I never really thought much about stuff like marriage and kids.” He shrugged. It was the truth. His entire existence was focused around being Captain America and saving the world - somehow settling down never seemed to be an option even before the ice. His life was completely devoted to saving the world and protecting the innocent the moment he agreed to take the super soldier serum. This was the life he chose and he wouldn’t change it for the world. He brushed his thumb lightly over her cheek and stared into her beautiful green eyes. “All I know is when I imagine myself happy, it’s with you.”
Natasha leaned her head onto his chest and listened to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat - letting his words sink in. He was happy with her. She was enough. It shouldn’t have surprised her as much as it did. She knew he loved her, that was one thing she would never doubt because she loved him just as much. She just wanted more for him than she could offer.
“I want kids Steve.” She finally said. It took every ounce of courage in her body to admit it - to say it out loud because it made it that much more real. “I never did before.”
Her sudden desire for a family terrified her. They never even really talked about the future - never allowed themselves to indulge in such fantasies because it would be unrealistic. As far as they can tell, Captain America and Black Widow didn’t exactly have a retirement plan.
“If that’s what you really want... we can look into our options baby.” He said not missing a beat and planted a loving kiss on her cheek. “We should probably talking about marriage too.” The shocked look on her face made him burst into laughter. “So babies are a safe topic but marriage has you running for the hills? That’s ridiculous Nat.”
“It’s not funny jerk.” She playfully hit him on the chest with a slight pout on her lips.
“I’m being serious babe. We’ve been together for awhile now and we live together… We’re practically married already.” He said light enough to ease her into the discussion without overwhelming her. “Of course I still want to get down on one knee. You know. The whole nine yards.”
“Really? You want a big wedding?” She raised her eyebrows skeptically.
“Not necessarily. I’m actually okay with getting hitched in Vegas or just going down to the courthouse. I just want it to be perfect… however it happens.”
“When did you become such a romantic?” A smirk grew on her face when she felt his hand snake under her shirt. There was something about deep conversations that never failed to put Steve in the mood. “Someone’s feeling a little frisky.”
He rolled on top of her body and buried his face in the crook of her neck. His lips kissed and brushed against the tiny spot that drove her crazy - a discovery he had made early on in their relationship. There was something about her neck that has always been his weakness.
“I was thinking…” the huskiness of his voice sent chills down her spine. His hand trailed down her body and with one smooth motion, he ripped her thin underwear off of her. “I missed you today.”
“We were together all day.” She hummed in pleasure when she felt his finger slip inside of her. Her back arched when another finger was added.
“But I missed you.”
“Tell me what you miss.” She purred seductively into his ear - encouraging him to use his words. This was a side of Steve Rogers that was reserved only for her.
“I miss being inside you.” He mumbled against her collarbone.
“Then what are you waiting for?” She could feel his smirk against her skin.
“Don’t have to tell me twice.”
——————————————————————
Few weeks later.
Natasha felt like shit. There was no other way to put it. Her head was pounding, her boobs were sore, and the smell of grease made her stomach turn. She was starving but she was so nauseous all the time so the only thing she could manage to keep down was saltine crackers and water - absolutely disgusting. It was safe to say that she was both hangry and completely miserable. However, being sick didn’t give her a free pass to stay in bed all day. She still had a job to do so everything had to go on business as usual.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Steve asked quietly while the trainees were busy sparring each other. “Maybe you should go to the medical ward to have it checked out.”
“That wouldn’t be necessary.” Natasha said firmly. He had been constantly checking up on her and suggesting a doctor’s visit just to be on the safe side. It was sweet but it wasn’t necessary. She didn’t get sick often but when she does (which is few and far between), it would normally start off bad and go away on its own. This was a waiting game. “It’s just a little cold. It will go away eventually.” She noticed the slight tense in his body and could tell he was trying his best to not protest. Thankfully he wasn’t pushy and knew when to drop it - he of all people could relate to avoiding the doctor’s visit at all cost. “I’m fine babe.” A wave of nausea washed over her and she willed herself to force it down. She was not about to give him anymore reason to nag her. Don’t throw up. Keep it together Romanoff.
Steve didn’t seem to be convinced but decided not to press the issue. Instead, he gave her a kiss on the forehead before walking over to the trainees.
“He’s got such a great ass.” Sharon said with a small smile as she walked up to Natasha.
Natasha raised a questioning eyebrow at the blonde. On a normal day, she would have let the bold comment slide but today was different.
“That’s america’s ass.” Her voice was calm even though her blood was boiling on the inside. Who did this woman think she was to openly check out another girl’s boyfriend in front of her? She made a mental note to tell Steve to keep his ex girlfriend in check - if one could even call her that or else she was going to have to do it for him. You’re being so ridiculous. Control yourself. It wasn’t like it was unusual for women to drool over Steve - the man looked like he was hand sculpted by God himself but something about the way Sharon was looking at her boyfriend was making her skin crawl.
“That it is.” Sharon let her eyes linger on the super soldier for a few more seconds before turning her attention to Natasha. “What do you think of the newbies?”
“They’ve got potential.”
Another sudden wave of nausea washed over her when the smell of greasy pizza filled the room.
“Pizza’s here!” Thor yelled from the door with stacks of pizza boxes in his hands.
Natasha tried her best to breath through the queasiness but in the end, the sickness won. She covered her mouth and ran to the nearest bathroom to throw up. This has got to be the single most embarrassing moment of her life. After taking a few minutes to get herself together, she had decided that a trip to the medical ward was needed.
Steve had been waiting patiently by the door for her to come out to check on her. The only reason he didn’t knock on the door was because he didn’t want to make it a bigger scene than it already was - Natasha would kill him if he did.
“Baby I’m starting to worry about you.” He said softly as he placed his hands on her hips and pulled her closer. “You haven’t slept or eaten properly for almost two weeks now.”
“I’m going to be okay.” She cupped his cheek to reassure him. “I think it’s time I make a trip to the doctor.”
Steve let out a tiny sigh of relief. “Let me go tell Thor that he’s in charge for the rest of the session and we can go.”
“No.” She shook her head. As much as she loved Thor, she knew that leaving him in charge would be disastrous. His loud personality was an acquired taste and most of the recruits have shown signs of being intimidated by him. The last time Thor was left alone with the newbies, the whole training floor ended up in shambles. It took almost a month for the floor to be fixed and Tony still hasn’t let it go yet. “You stay and finish up. I’ll meet you at home.” Her tone let him know that this was not up for discussion. This was not a life threatening emergency and there was no reason to treat it as such. She was going to be fine.
“Okay.” He gave her a soft kiss on the forehead before letting her go. “I’ll see you later. I love you baby.”
“I love you too.”
She waited for him to disappear through the doors before walking herself in the direction of the medical ward. Thankfully, SHIELD had made sure to always have a medical team on duty in case it was needed. She supposed it was a blessing since it meant she could relish the perks of not having to wait.
“Agent Romanoff.” Dr. Cho greeted her with a warm smile. “It’s a surprise to see you here.”
“Believe me, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have to be.” Natasha sighed tiredly.
“Have a seat.” The woman put on a pair of gloves and waited for her to be seated to start the check up routine. “What’s been going on?”
“For the past few weeks I have been feeling like complete shit. I have a constant migraine, intense cramping, and I have been so nauseous.”
“When was your last period Agent Romanoff?” The doctor asked as she checked spy’s blood pressure.
“I’m not pregnant.” Natasha rolled her eyes. “You have my medical records so you know that would make it impossible.”
“It’s standard routine questions.” The doctor said warmly, unbothered by Natasha’s cold tone. “You mentioned that you were experiencing cramps. Do you mind if we take a look?”
Natasha sighed again and shook her head. “Let’s get it over with.”
Dr. Cho pulled the nearest ultrasound machine over to her. “This is going to be a little cold.” She said as she poured some cold gel onto her belly. Then she took the device and gently applied pressure on her abdomen, moving it around until she found what she was looking for. Natasha noticed the hint of confusion in the doctor’s expression as if she couldn’t believe what she was seeing.
“Is there something wrong?”
“No. Everything is fine.” The young doctor assured her with a wide smile. “I think congratulations are in order. You’re pregnant.”
“But that’s impossible.” Natasha mumbled as she stared at the monitor in disbelief. Her eyes darted to the tiny circle the size of a raspberry.
“You’re about 2 months pregnant.”
Her world seemed to have stopped right then and there. If it weren’t for the visual evidence on the screen, she wouldn’t have believed it. Words couldn’t begin to describe what she was feeling at this moment. The only thing that she knew for certain was that she needed Steve here with her.
“I’m sorry. I need to make a quick phone call.” Natasha reached for her phone and dialed his number. It didn’t take more than three rings before she heard his voice.
“Hey Nat. Is everything okay?”
“I’m fine baby. I just need you to come to Dr. Cho’s office right now.” Her voice was shaky and she hated herself for not being able to keep her emotions in check.
“I’m coming right now. What’s going on?”
“I’ll explain when you get here.”
“Okay. I’ll see you in a little.”
Natasha hung up the phone and let out the breath she didn’t even realize she was holding. She had approximately five minutes before Steve would arrive - enough time to sort out her thoughts. She wasn’t sure if she should be happy or skeptical. People who got sterilized should not be able to reproduce. The red room didn’t make mistakes.
Five minutes have passed and as if right on cue, Steve appeared at the door.
“Are you okay?” He rushed to her side in concern. His eyes scanned over her body in search for any signs of wounds - a habit he has learned over the course of their relationship.
“I’m okay baby.” She reached to cup his face to ease his worries. “I don’t know how to tell you this…” her voice trailed off slowly as she tried to find the right words.
“Tell me what?” His eyes glanced over to the doctor for answers but was only greeted with a small smile. He couldn’t help but feel even more worried. Whatever she wanted to tell him was obviously weighing heavy on her. He took a hold of her hand and gave it a soft squeeze to let her know that he was there for her.
“I’m pregnant.”
It took him a minute to register the news. Once he was able to process the information, his shock was slowly replaced with happiness. They were going to be parents. He was going to be a father. He laid his hand over her belly gently. “We’re having a baby.”
“We are.” Natasha said with tears running down her face.
“How is this even possible?”
“Well from a scientific standpoint, the super serum must have been transported through your er- semen so every time you two had sex the semen slowly repaired the damages.” The young doctor explained.
“Talk about super sperm.” Natasha chuckled as Steve blushed in embarrassment. It never ceased to amaze her how bashful he still was after all of these years. She found it adorable.
“We’re going to have a baby.” He said once again with a wide smile on his face. His beautiful blue eyes bore into hers and looked at her the way he always did - as if she were the only thing is this world that mattered because to him, she was. The only difference now is they were going to have another tiny addition to their family. He placed a soft kiss on her forehead before kissing her belly. “Daddy loves you.” He whispered into her belly to his unborn child. “Our miracle baby.”