Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Things became extremely different once Steve came out of the ice a few years back and he doesn’t just mean the surroundings. Yes, the New York skyline has a few more skyscrapers, everyone who he knew is dead and gone and they have something called American cheese now? With a single bite he felt the super soldier serum attempting to keep his arteries from getting clogged up so that’s probably what makes it so American.

The weirdest change was probably waking up to the knowledge that he is now going to be part of something bigger and stronger than just him alone, See the thing is, Steve only ever wanted to win the fight against the Nazis but managed to enlist in a war that as far as he knows he will always be fighting against creatures he didn’t even know existed. Because of the constant ambush of these galactic creatures, who quite honestly should learn to respect that a man has plans that don’t involve fighting sometimes, the head of SHIELD Fury put in place the Avengers initiative. Honestly it is a load of bullshit if you ask Steve.

Not that he has anything against those involved but he definitely has something against all of those involved. If he had to choose a group of people to build a professional relationship with and trust them with his life it sure as hell wouldn’t be these bat shit crazy individuals. As Stark had so eloquently put it “Fury, do you think this is the breakfast club? Because I refuse to make out with Rogers” and although at the time he did not understand that reference, nor was able to hide his blush at the thought of talking about two men kissing and him being one of those men, he did agree with Stark after watching the movie. Fury couldn’t expect them to band together and protect each other with everything they had because they were so unbelievably different.

He couldn’t trust Romanoff as far as he could throw her because she was trained to follow orders and he can’t trust that those orders will always be in their best interest, you can’t trust someone who is so willing to follow someone else. Dr Banner was a nice enough guy, but his counterpart is concerning because how can you put faith in someone who cant be controlled? The quickest way to lose a battle is to use a faulty cannon and Hulk would be their faulty cannon, costing lives because he cant be trusted nor controlled. Barton is another Romanoff and he had no doubt in his mind that if it came between saving the whole team or just saving himself and her what he would choose, at least the man has clear priorities. Thor is problematic on a whole other level because he is an alien so how true can his allegiance be to Earth? Plus there’s no way that some of the evil energy from his brother hasn’t rubbed off on him, he can’t be as pure as he looks.

That brings him to the one person he trusts the least in the team, Anthony Edward Stark. Admittedly when he first came out of the ice he was happy to have a link to his beloved friend Howard through his son but apparently the apple can fall far from the tree because they couldn’t be more different. Where Howard was professional and courteous towards others his son is sarcastic, flirtatious and oozes suave in a way that just strikes Steve as fake. But that isn’t his biggest concern when it comes to Stark surprisingly, his biggest concern is the fact that even with a cheeky grin on his lips he can’t shut out the vulnerability that lingers in those eyes. It only stays for a moment before his eyes glass over and become steely and bright in such a way that makes Steve sad. Tony is hiding pain so great that it tears him up inside every day and that is enough to make him a liability. You never take a suicidal soldier to war.

So he’s in a team with a bunch of idiots who he can’t trust whilst they all need to save Earth over and over again. Perfect.

//////

He groans as his alarm clock blares out a the ‘Star Spangled Man with a Plan’ and slams a heavy weighted hand onto it to shut it up. Tony thought it was hilarious when Steve swore he would kill him and isn’t above murder, but Sarah Rogers didn’t raise a punk who would kill someone over something so trivial, so he tolerated it the way he tolerated everything in his life currently. The only good thing about staying in the Avengers compound was that he had everything at his disposal, he could thank Stark for something at least. His showers were always hot, and he could stand under the spray without fear of using up all of the warm water, he could have anything he desired to eat ordered in and cook with the plentiful groceries in the kitchen and he also had state of the art technology all around him (although he had no clue how to use half of it) so things could be much worse. He tries to remember this as he walks out into the kitchen to hear raised voices and inhales a deep breath, what could they be arguing about now?

“I refuse to dress up and look like a trophy agent just to keep SHIELD happy! I have better shit to do than pretend to enjoy myself at one of your Galas, Tony” Romanoff spat out venomously as she sat cross legged on the maroon sofa, sharpening her knives suspiciously quick. Well he knows who he isn’t sitting next to then.

Barton is the next to object with something pretty pitiful. “Stark, you said we wouldn’t have to do any of that rich boy stuff man” the tone he used could be described as laughable if not for his face being even more comical with his lower lip jutting out in a pout.

‘Barton, you couldn’t look expensive even if I sent you to the groomers and asked them to give you the treatment of a prized poodle.” He was using his usual snarky tone, but his words carried no heat to them, instead Tony just looked exhausted and ready to give up.

Well damn, this must be serious.

Steve made his presence known as soon as Tony’s head dropped into his hands, grabbing a mug from one of the cabinets and placing it under the coffee machine as he crossed his arms and leaned against the counter, the only sound in the room being the slow drip of coffee hitting the empty mug. He really didn’t want to ask but he’s curious and you know how the saying goes, curiosity killed the cat. “What are you guys talking about?”

Romanoff just huffed and started sharpening another knife, so he gave up on her pretty quickly turning to Barton who was busy inhaling another bowl of Cheerio’s and honestly he wishes he could say he’s surprised or even bemused but this is normal. That only leaves Tony as Dr Banner is at a conference in Connecticut and Thor is sleeping over at his girlfriend Jane’s for the third night this week and its only Wednesday. “Stark? Care to explain?”

Tony looks weary when he lifts his head and his mouth is set in a firm line, his usual smirk nowhere to be seen as he swivels his bar stool around, his feet barely skimming the floor as he faces Steve. This already sounds serious and he somehow already knows that he won’t like this.

“Stark Industries is hosting a Charity Gala on Friday and Fury has demanded that the Avengers have a representative there who isn’t me because we need to look good and portray a clean-cut image and show that we support each other.” Before Steve can even get a word out Tony interrupts him which would rile him up on a normal day, but he can feel Tony’s stress pouring off him in waves and decides to just shut up and listen. “I told Fury that we can’t just be show ponies and rally up for the cameras, but he said we had to show the world that we like each other and are somewhat friends otherwise they won’t trust us to work together to protect them and will fight to disband the Avengers which will be a catastrophe, so I just need two of you to come to the Gala and pretend to enjoy yourself for a few hours. Well technically only one of you because I’ve already roped in Point Break and his girl so just one more person out of the three of you, please?”

Steve inhales a deep breath as he rubs his hand over his face pondering over this current dilemma. He could easily just say no; the option is right there and Stark probably wouldn’t blame him either because out of everyone their relationship is the rockiest. But maybe that’s exactly why he should go to the Gala and support Stark because the world knows that they are two bulls clashing horns and due to that fact are hesitant to trust them and let them save the world in peace, you’d think they would be grateful and move on but apparently not. If he showed up at the Gala along with Thor then it would show partnership and that the Avengers are strong, he can see Fury’s logic behind this unlike with everything else but that doesn’t mean he’s happy to do it.

“I’ll go”

Sigh, he should have stayed in the ice.

Romanoff stops sharpening her forty knives, why she needs forty he will never know, and gives him a bewildered look as though he’s grown another head which honestly he probably has or is at least going crazy. Looking over at his right Barton is frozen with a spoonful of Cheerio’s dripping into the bowl below, okay that reaction is a tad bit dramatic and honestly Barton had no one ever taught you to close your mouth when you’re eating?

Tony just looks shocked but not in a bad way. He looks shocked that Steve would ever agree to help him and agree to something so quickly but then again it’s not just for Tony it is for the Avengers as a whole and unlike Barton and Romanoff he can put his childish hatred aside for the greater good sometimes. Tony’s shoulders relax from where they were previously tensed up and he lets out a shuddered breath, a small grin on his lips as he lifts his head to look into Steve’s eyes, the brown vulnerable orbs relaying gratitude over to his simple sea blue. Steve tilts his head as a silent ‘don’t mention it’ and takes his coffee, mixing in two spoons of what he thought was sugar and taking a single sip only to spit it out again immediately.

“Barton? Run.”

Chapter Text

If he knew that he would be getting prod with needles and shouted at by a feisty Italian for moving too much he never would have agreed, not in a million years. But unfortunately Steve doesn’t have the ability to see into the future, like Thor’s friend Heimdall, so he’s stuck listening to a rapid speaking Italian scolding him and choosing a fabric that will apparently ‘bring out the colour of his eyes’ or whatever that means. Tony has already been fitted for his custom suit apparently, so Pepper is overseeing his fitting and making sure everything is up to Stark Industries standards which are surprisingly high for a company whose boss once mixed coffee with kale in order to get the caffeine and the nutrients (it was revolting, Tony isn’t allowed near the smoothie machine ever again) but then again Starks know how to command respect, Howard always did. Tony is much like him in that aspect.

“Ouch!”

He is yanked out of his thoughts with another harsh pinch and glowers at the short man who is glaring right back yet also takes a step back, turning his nose up at Steve as he says that he is finished with adjustments and Steve can take the suit off now. Well thank the Lord up above.

When he comes back into the room the designer and his assistants are gone leaving only Pepper with her ‘Tony’ face on. It’s called that because it’s the facial expression she has when talking to Tony about important matters that he isn’t taking seriously. ‘What did I do to get the ‘Tony’ face?' He thinks but his question gets answered sooner than later as Pepper invites him to sit down on the chaise lounge she was sat on previously.

Pepper settles gracefully against the soft satin backing and Steve follows with the grace of a new born deer, all limbs and jerky movements but she ignores that thankfully. Her lips are painted a delicate nude and her hair swept up into a graceful bun that isn’t quite unlike the style his mother would wear when going to work as a nurse, its practical and beautiful just like Pepper herself.

“Tony let me know that it will be you and Mr Odinson who will be accompanying him to the Gala is that true?” to any ordinary person it would sound like a confirmation but to Steve he could read the surprise in between her words and then saw it in the widening of her eyes when he nodded to confirm. “Well as happy as I am for Tony to have support during one of the hardest days in the calendar year I’m sure you understand when I say that Captain Rogers I do not trust you not to mess this up for him.”

He has to cough to hide his amazement at the fact that Pepper thinks he will mess this up over the guy who throws wine glasses onto the ground as a way to ask for another. Steve will be the source of Tony’s problems? Please. If there’s anything that Steve can be its professional.

“Miss Potts whilst I have great respect for you and your stature I think your thoughts of me are false because I don’t have a habit of moving out of line when on duty I assure you of that fact.”

“Pardon my language but that’s a load of bullshit” Pepper sits up straight and ready to attack with her fierce gaze alone and suddenly Steve wishes he wasn’t on the other side of that look. Paired with her outburst he just knows that she has a bone to pick with him even though he hasn’t done anything, he hasn’t right?

“I have no idea of what I have done to you to make you so angry, but I sincerely apologise, Miss Potts” he sits with his hands in his lap and looks earnestly at the CEO who only seems to be getting angrier with every word that leaves his mouth so perhaps he’s taking the wrong approach?

“You don’t get it do you, Steven?” Apparently yes he is taking the wrong approach and they’re on first names now? Oh boy he is screwed. He can still fix this though he’s America’s golden boy, a feisty CEO isn’t going to wear him down.

“Pepper, instead of dancing around the issue can you please be straightforward with me? I am trying to understand how I can fix whatever it is I’ve done to you and quite honestly this isn’t helping” he narrows his eyes as he stares her down, hoping to wear the woman down but she only scoffs and shakes her head at him in…disgust? What has he done?

“This isn’t about me because believe me if it was I wouldn’t be speaking to you right now.” Not about her? Then what is she angry about? At his clearly confused expression she lets out an exasperated huff and looks him in the eyes for her words to hit home.

“I have a small problem with all of the Avengers, but you are by far the biggest problem in my life right now.” She really doesn’t like any of them? And especially him? His silence only prompts her to continue as she settles her hands on her knees keeping herself upright. “Sure, all of you use Tony for his money but at least the others have some kind of respect towards him and treat him somewhat nicely.”

Wait this is about Tony?

“With all due respect, Pepper I haven’t ever been disrespectful towards Tony I have held a professional partnership between the both of us for the sake of the team” he jumps to his own defence and from the murderous look in her eyes he knows, he just knows, that he has just put his foot in his mouth and his shoulders slump slightly not used to being on the other side of a lecture since Bucky used to lecture him on picking fights with bullies.

“See that’s your problem Steven, Tony sees you and the others as friends, yet you see him as a means to an end. He would do whatever he could possibly do for every single one of you but especially for you and you just brush it off as professional courtesy? You got hurt 3 months ago on the field and had a broken shoulder and bruised ribs”

‘How did she know that?’ he thinks no one knew about that apart from the team and SHIELD so how- “Oh”.

“Oh indeed. Tony refused to shift from your bedside even when were being an absolute prick to him. He demanded that his Stark Industries work be sent to him, refused to take any calls in case he disturbed you and was the calmest and most patient version of himself I have ever seen when dealing with you even though to be quite frank you didn’t deserve a second glance.”

“When he was in the hospital two weeks later because of pneumonia none of you showed up apart from Mr Odinson and Dr Banner which I thought was pretty awful considering the whole reason why he got so sick was because he was too busy looking after you to pay attention to himself.”

Wait really? Those two weeks were a blur of pain medication and then he stuck to his physical therapy routine without caring about much else but Tony…Tony was sick because of him and he didn’t even come and check on him? Didn’t even visit? Damn he’s a jackass.

“I didn’t realise…I just thought he was caught up in his lab again I didn’t think-“.

“That’s the problem with you, that you never think of anyone but yourself. Yet everyone should drop whatever they’re doing to care for you even though in my opinion you haven’t done much to be worthy of so much affection not when you have the cheek to look down on someone like Tony Stark who has taken all of you in and thinks of you as family.”

His heart sinks in his chest and he looks down at his grey sweatpants, gulping audibly as images of Tony laying in a too big hospital bed weak and alone plague his mind, his stomach turning when he realises that Tony had immediately asked about Steve as soon as he came back. Steve should have noticed how his eyes looked sunken in to his face and he was using two hands to hold his coffee mug, but he was too busy complaining about the fact that his shoulder was still bothering him that he didn’t notice. God no wonder Pepper hates him.

“I understand that you have your own reasons involving the Avengers to do this and whilst your ability to be professional is admirable I want to make it clear to you Steven that if you cause any trouble at this Gala you are not only ruining the Avengers reputation but Tony’s.” She shifts to cross her legs, the pointy stilettos on her feet looking more threatening than alluring, as if she could stand on him and crush his windpipe with just one step. Yes he is very afraid of Virginia Potts.” If you do anything to damage his reputation because of the childish hate and blatant disrespect you have against him then you will regret it because if Tony Stark goes down then so do the Avengers as contrary to popular belief you aren’t the backbone of the team, he is. So please, behave yourself and don’t make matters difficult for me or Stark Industries by being an insufferable ass okay?”

He knew Pepper had a fierce bite but damn now he knows how she keeps Tony in line and when she raises her brow expectantly he can just mutter out a short “Yes ma’am, understood” and she gives him a gentle yet cold smile which vastly contrasts her previous words. “Great talk don’t give us a reason to have it again”.

She lifts up her Stark Pad from beside her and walks out of the glass doors of the room, leaving Steve alone with his thoughts and crippling guilt as he sets his head on his hands and runs his hands through his hair in frustration. If Sarah Rogers or James Buchanan Barnes were alive they would have his head for the way he has been acting.

‘But fear of punishment shouldn’t be the reason why you treat someone like a decent human being, you just do it because it’s the right thing to do’ his mind so helpfully supplies, and he can’t help but agree with a soft sigh. It isn’t Tony’s fault that Steve doesn’t like him, to be truthful it isn’t even his own.

They weren’t always like this, Steve wasn’t always like this.

Chapter Text

“Captain Rogers, this is Anthony Stark and he will work with you as part of the Avengers” Maria Hill nodded at the both of them before leaving them to talk and get comfortable with each other which he wishes she didn’t, it had barely been two weeks since he was out of the ice and he’s meeting others like him? Too soon SHIELD.

Alas the show must go on.

“Steven Rogers, it’s a pleasure to meet you Mr Stark” he extends his hand in formal greeting and has his face blank apart from a distant smile on his lips. His attempt to keep Stark at arm’s length apparently wasn’t very subtle as Stark’s shoulders droop slightly and his eyes dull, his grin is still playing on his lips, but it is cold now instead of inviting. Stark puts his hand in Steve’s and gives it a firm shake, backing away slightly with a nod of his hand.

“Likewise Captain, I apologise for SHIELD’s lack of tact with introducing you to the world again” he looks almost solemn as he says those words to Steve and he can’t help but feel grateful that someone else understands, someone else also realises that this is too much for him to deal with. For him it hasn’t been long since the war but to everyone else it has been years, years since he lost his best friend and the love of his life. Years since everyone went home but he was stuck under ice.

Steve clears his throats in order to chase away the tears forming in his eyes, shoving both hands into the pockets of his pants as he nods at Stark without meeting his eyes. “Thank you for understanding.”

Stark walks over to the large cabinet of alcohol and begins filling a crystal tumbler with amber liquid, Steve shaking his head when he is offered and then walks back over to Steve whilst taking short sips, as though he is trying to figure out this mess of an introduction as both of them clearly don’t want to be here.

“If it’s any consolation they wanted to introduce us as soon as possible because they thought you would appreciate my family link” Stark takes a slightly longer sip after saying that and then chuckles softly although the laugh is more self-deprecating than humorous. “My dear old dad was in absolute awe of you and I can embarrassingly say that some of that may have rubbed onto me.”

Steve can’t help but give him a concerned look as he hears Stark’s shift in tone when talking about his father, to his own personal knowledge Howard was a fine gentleman so he isn’t sure what could warrant such a reaction towards the man. Perhaps he wasn’t the only one who changed after the war. “Howard was a fine man Mr Stark, I am honoured to have known such a genius.”

“Genius? Sure. But the kind of man he was is questionable.” Stark finishes the liquid in the tumbler and leans back against his desk, shutting down almost after that comment which probably signifies the end of that conversation. Twenty minutes into meeting the only link he has to anyone in the past and he has messed it up, great.

“I apologise if anything I’ve said has hurt you I just don’t know how to navigate social etiquette in this time period” Steve swallows nervously as he shifts from his spot in the middle of the room to sit down on the couch with his head in his hands, breathing deeply as he doesn’t know whether he can do this, live in a time where he must learn so much yet knows so little.

An arm wraps around his shoulders as a voice murmurs softly in his ear “You’re doing the best you can, Cap. Don’t beat yourself up about so much because no one blames you for anything we just want to help.” And Steve would be lying if he said that the words accompanied by the comforting touch didn’t help settle his heart and make him feel better.

“Oh and if you ever say time period again I’ll drop you off at an old people’s home because damn Cap, you sound ancient.” Stark gives him an easy laugh with the statement and Steve can’t help but laugh with him because it feels so easy to get lost with the younger Stark, it feels as though belonging.

“You could always shoot me if I mess up, someone I once knew did that and it worked pretty effectively” the easy smile stayed on his lips as he remembered Peggy Carter with fondness and bumped Stark’s torso good naturedly with his shoulder as he let out a laugh. “She would have gotten a kick out of me saying time period too.”

A throaty laugh comes from Stark as he nods in agreement, shaking his head with replicated fondness as he says, “Aunt Peggy would have had your balls for saying that” and as soon as the title leaves his lips Steve freezes mid laugh and looks at Stark incredulously, his amazement tangible in his voice as he says, “You knew Peggy?”

Stark nods quickly with a small smile on his lips, looking at Steve with the gentleness of an adult with a child. “Aunt Peggy was my rock whilst growing up, she was everything I wanted to be and embodied strength perfectly. No one could be better than her at least not in my eyes, it’s a true shock that she wasn’t President! But I do know that SHIELD was her pride and joy since she founded it.” This rush of information takes Steve’s head for a spin as he takes it all in, feeling a bond form between himself and Stark through Peggy, still helping him even after she’s gone, that’s his girl.

“Wait, she founded SHIELD? That’s brilliant!”

“Yeah, after Hydra got you she swore to make them pay and have a group of people ready to fight the battles that the government refused to or didn’t understand. After that SHIELD became her baby until her own family came along.”

His heart dropped as he heard those words and he looked away, closing his eyes to hold back tears because if he had been alive then he would have been part of that family, he would have been happy. She moved on, the world moved on whilst he lay like a cold cut in a freezer. He pulled his compass out of his pocket, his only prized possession that actually means something and gazed down at her, his sobs leaving him steadily as he succumbs to his grief and the memory of a life he could have once had.

Stark’s clutches Steve’s free hand between both of his and gives it a comforting squeeze making Steve look up at his face to see that his eyes are bright with unshed tears of his own. They both lost her, and she was very important to them, maybe SHIELD were right to connect them.

“She was so proud of you Steve, you were the topic of bedtime stories and my hero when I was young all because of her. If it helps you with your grief in any way she lived a long and happy life and died of old age, no diseases or injuries could hurt Aunt Peggy. She remembered you until the end too.” Stark chokes down a cry as his shoulders shake, holding onto Steve’s hand as though it was a life line. His grip was comforting as it kept Steve grounded to this time period instead of letting his mind drift too far back, he squeezed Stark’s hand back and whispered in a tear choked voice,

“Thank you.”

Stark gave him a small but genuine smile in return as he pulled back slightly “Anytime, you’re family.”

 //////

After that moment it was as though they were attached at the hip, wherever Tony was that was where you would find Steve and it was the true the other way round as well. Tony helped Steve find the beauty of New York again and Steve gave Tony a reason to keep his cool and not ruin his life.

Tony was the first person out of the Avengers that he truly became close to, the only one who understood his grief and understood why Steve acted the way he did. Meeting him was good for Steve and perhaps it became too good, perhaps they became too close and perhaps he became too attached because when it came to their first battle the pair sadly fell apart.

///////

An alarm sounded throughout Stark Tower and they stood quickly, turning to look outside as they saw creatures coming out of the sky and flooding the streets of New York. The pair were shocked by the sheer amount of these creatures and when they saw a green clad figure with horns riding astride one of those creatures they leapt into action. Stark held his hand out and pieces of machinery began flying towards him, slotting him into the famous Ironman suit and he crashed through the window barking out an order to Steve as he left. “Get the others assembled, I’ll try to hold them off”.

And if Steve ran a little faster than he normally would have just to try and protect this man who was becoming a large part of his heart then that was his business and no one else’s. He quickly got his suit on and grabbed his shield as he found the others already prepared. The Avengers assembling to fight their first enemy who just so happens to be related to one of their own.

They all ran out and Steve gave them their orders, the battle raging on for what seemed like forever, but it didn’t feel like they were winning. Natasha had a deep cut on her arm, Barton was limping from what was probably a broken ankle, Hulk was smashing as many of the robots as he could but even he was losing momentum and Thor was trying to disarm his brother, but it wasn’t working. Steve couldn’t feel his torso probably because of the he presumed bruised ribs he was sporting but he couldn’t stop. Tony was up in the sky attempting to fight the largest creature himself and it made Steve’s heart almost stop to see someone he loved so much so close to danger. Then the worst sentence he will probably ever hear in his life came through his comms and his heart definitely stopped beating for a few moments.

“Guys I’m going to try something, shut the portal on my signal I’m going to blast these fuckers to hell”

That was the last thing Steve heard Tony say before he flew into the wormhole with a missile and despite Steve’s screams and shouts they didn’t keep the wormhole open and closed it. His world felt so incredibly dark and tears unwillingly left his eyes as he let out a blood curdling scream of anguish “TONY!” All hope left his chest until he saw a glint of red and gold fall through the sky at a rapid pace and he ran over to where he heard the impact.

Tony was completely out of it when Steve got to him and ripped off his helmet, they had won their battle, but Steve had almost lost the one thing worth fighting for. He almost told him then, he really almost did but then a call came through Tony’s helmet.

“Hello? Pep? God am I glad to hear your voice…Yes sweetheart I know but we’re all safe…The team is all fine are you okay?...Of course I want to know Pepper I love you…I know I’m sorry… I promise I’ll make this all up to you…Bye Pep, I love you too”

Steve swallowed his words quickly and shuffled a few steps back. Of course he loved Pepper and not him, why would Tony Stark ever love him? They were teammates and Pepper is his girlfriend. They could pretend to be work husbands for as long as they could but at the end of the day when the battle is won he would go back to Pepper, and Steve would go back to an empty floor where he wishes Tony would also be.

/////

And if after that moment he brushed Tony’s arm off his shoulders during movie nights, refused to keep up with what was going on with him, ignored anything said in a flirtatious or even happy tone and shut out the man he was falling in love with then that isn’t anyone’s business but his own. So maybe it was his fault that him and Tony aren’t close anymore but no one can blame him for protecting his heart from being shattered a second time.

Chapter Text

They had decided to meet in the lobby of the tower before leaving because apparently they couldn’t be trusted to make their own way over to the hall, it would also be better for press reasons if they were seen arriving together. Forever a stickler for the rules Steve was there a few minutes early, after giving himself a once over in the mirror he decided that the designer had been right, this colour really did bring out his eyes. He was wearing a rich navy-blue suit with an alabaster white shirt and steel blue tie, they had also provided him with accessories, so he wore black dress shoes and cuff links that had small Captain America shields which he was sure was Tony’s idea. With a bit of product in his hair he really did look like a completely different person and couldn’t believe the man looking back at him in the reflection was actually him. Steve had come a long way from being that skinny boy from Brooklyn who wore clothes like a hanger, everything just drooped.

Thor and Jane arrived before he could find himself lost in the past and the couple never failed to look dazzling. Jane wore a floor length sleek gown with a high slit at the leg which was almost iridescent, the hues capturing the light perfectly and if he had his watercolours he would attempt to paint the sight. She paired it with some simple purple gem studded jewellery which paired well with Thor who wore deep purple slacks, an eggshell white shirt and a matching purple waistcoat. His hair was fashioned into a braid which he pulled off pretty well so all in all they were a picture-perfect couple. They gave him a simple hello and were then caught up in themselves again, ugh honeymoon phase.

Steve wasn’t alone for too long though as the elevator doors slid open with a cheerful chirp from Jarvis and out stepped Pepper and Tony. Pepper was wearing a cream gown with a plunging back and some expensive looking jewellery, to be perfectly honest he couldn’t bring himself to focus on the details because he was utterly entranced by Tony. How could he look that perfect? Whilst he was busy chatting to Pepper, Steve took the opportunity to ogle at him like every professional co-worker would.

Tony’s suit jacket was made of smooth black velvet which looked unbelievably soft to the touch and encased him perfectly, it was paired with a pale grey shirt with a diamond design printed onto it and completed his ensemble with black leather dress shoes and a dark grey tie. Wow. He just oozed luxury and beauty, Steve felt like Icarus flying too close to the sun as he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Tony until he could hear the others exchanging pleasantries.

“Thor! Jane! So glad that the two of you could be pulled away from your love cave for this” Tony smirked whilst Jane gave him a light-hearted punch on the shoulder and Thor just belted out a loud laugh.

“Well I have missed you Stark, with all of your wit and loving comments” Thor’s smile towards Tony was gentle and full of affection, he clearly cared about him a lot, if it weren’t for the fact that Steve knew Thor was head over heels for Jane a familiar feeling of envy would overtake his senses.

“Plus we couldn’t miss a chance to support you today, Tony” Jane smiled softly and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear “Friends support friends”. Steve met Pepper’s eyes when he heard that, knowing that the sharp look in her eyes was there to taunt him ‘he has people who see him as a friend and treat him the way he should be’.

During their staring match Tony turned to greet Steve and the latter felt pinned under the intense heat of his gaze, Tony’s eyes looking at him so intensely that he had to clear his throat slightly and give him a cool smile.

“Hey Tony, looking good.”

Really? The man looks like a ten-course meal and you just say he looks good? Pitiful Rogers, even for you.

“Thanks Steve, you’re looking pretty dapper yourself” he paired the comment with a sultry wink and an easy grin, their eye contact broken by Pepper placing a gentle hand on Tony’s forearm and urging him that the limo is waiting outside.

A sleek black limo was parked outside with the driver opening the door as they approached the waiting vehicle, the group quickly piling inside as the chilly bite of the December air wasn’t bearable in the clothes they were wearing. As they settled into the warm seats Steve zoned out completely whilst the others laughed about that time DUM-E sprayed Thor with a fire extinguisher when he was trying to shack up with Jane in the workshop.

The cold air reminded Steve of when he would sit on the roof of his building with Bucky and they would spend hours stargazing and just talking about how they hoped to live long enough to enjoy their lives. Those days all they really wished for was survival and to settle down but now that Steve was finally able to do everything he and Bucky dreamed of he faltered. Tony was the only person he was attracted to after Peggy and he was off the market, he hadn’t built any close bonds with his teammates, so he had no friends either and he went home to a lonely floor every day. Is this really what he wants from this life?

Tony’s warm hand was suddenly on his knee and he looked over to the shorter man, his own eyes probably exuding fear as Tony’s showed concern. The latter gave him a sweet smile as he tilted his head in a curious manner, not bringing any attention to Steve but still wanting to see if he was okay. God how could one man be so perfect? And how could I mistreat him? Steve cleared his throat and nodded before shifting so that Tony’s hand fell off his knee, the touch comforting but knowing that Pepper was right there and wouldn’t like her boyfriend touching the other man was enough to make him give it up. He didn’t notice how Tony’s face fell or how the others roped Tony into another conversation immediately, guess the super-serum also emphasised prior stupidity.

They arrived at their destination swiftly and they could already hear the clambering of the hive of reporters outside the venue, it was a Stark Industries event after all of course it would generate some buzz. One by one they got out of the limo and were promptly blinded by flashes, Thor grabbed Jane’s hand to ground her as the flashes spooked her and Pepper walked ahead to meet a few people standing at the entrance of the hall leaving Tony to walk along and give a few comments to the reporters for their articles. Steve followed his movements with his eyes, just to be on the safe side of course, then plastered on a fake smile as he got a few pictures taken of himself and answered a few questions about the Avengers.

“Truly rewarding to be able to do this and support Ton-HEY!”

Steve’s focused was swayed from the reporter in front of him as he saw Tony stumble from the reporters crowding his space, with long strides he walked over and pulled the shorter man behind him protectively before he even realised what he was doing and glared at the reporters.

“Treat him with respect and care please and thank you.”

He reigned in the need to roll his eyes at the reporters from their onslaught of questions as he felt a soft grip on his arm, looking down his eyes met Tony’s which were widened with slight awe but instead of noticing that he placed his own hand over Tony’s and squeezed gently before leading him towards the others who were inside the building. Steve couldn’t deny that his shoulders weren’t as tense as they were outside now that Tony was safe inside but that was no one’s business but his own.

“Glad that the two of you could finally join us” Pepper gave Tony a look that Steve couldn’t quite understand as she said this, and Tony just grumbled as they all entered the decadent hall which was prepared for the Gala. Steve felt positively overwhelmed as he was met with the sheer splendour of the room, from the luxurious burgundy carpet to the ancient paintings of cherubs gracing the ceiling it was all breath taking. He continued to scan the room until he saw a photograph on the stage under a large banner which read ‘The Maria Stark Foundation’.

Shit.

Steve is an absolute idiot.

This was a Charity Gala to raise money for the charity Tony had set up to commemorate his mother. The mother who died in December, just a few days from now would be the anniversary of her death and Steve fucking forgot. No wonder both Pepper and Jane were talking about supporting him during this difficult time. Tony always found it difficult around this time of year and Steve intimately knew how much he struggled with the loss of his mother. A solemn look befell his face as he reminisced that sad night when Tony confided in him.

///

“Tony?” Steve knocked on the workshop door gently as he stepped inside, his foot steps silent as he was wearing what Tony called his ‘old man flip flops’, noticing the man in question standing in the middle of the room with various different holograms up around him as he multi tasked. Seeing Tony like this was always attractive as the man was truly in his element and was thriving but he didn’t have his usual carefree smile and exuberant energy around him instead his fingers were twitching, and his focus was jumping from one project to another at a rapid pace. Something was wrong.

“Hey Cap, to what do I owe this visit?” Tony attempted to say breezily but it sounded all wrong and came out as a mutter. Well this wouldn’t do at all.

“I hadn’t seen you around for a while and you missed movie night” Tony kept flicking his fingers at screens and Steve approached him as though he was a grazing bull “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay, are you okay, Tony?”

“Just peachy, Steven.”

No nickname? All of the red flags were up in Steve’s mind and he reached out to grab onto his muscled bicep and turned Tony around to face him, noticing Tony’s inability to meet his eyes.

“You can talk to me, Tony. We’re friends” God, how he hated that word “right?”

Tony inhaled a deep breath as though he was debating the options in his head and then weakly pulled Steve over to the ratty couch in the room, he had tried to throw it out and order a new one because he was the one stuck sitting on that monstrosity whilst sketching Tony as he worked but Tony was rather attached, and DUM-E passive aggressively gave him engine oil in his coffee when he brought it up, so he let it go.

He settled against the soft fabric and Tony sat sideways in order to look Steve in the eyes, his face more serious than Steve had ever seen him so he knew this was serious. Tony inhaled a deep breath and then opened his vault of feelings.

“As a young child my father always groomed me to become his successor and run Stark Industries, I just wanted to feel his love and be someone he could be proud of, but I realised early on that I would never be enough. My mother…” his voice became thicker as he looked up at the ceiling to blink back the tears gathering in his eyes. “She was the one who taught me love, every small achievement was celebrated, she sang to me in Italian whenever I couldn’t sleep or was crying because Howard had called me a disappointment again and she made sure I knew that I was enough for her.”

A few tears left his eyes and Steve reached forward, wiping away the drops as he grabbed Tony’s hands between his own and squeezed them gently to ground him.

“They died in a car crash in December, Howard was drunk and because of his negligence I lost-“ Tony choked on a sob and Steve pulled him in against his chest, one hand settled on his back as the other smoothed through his hair, closing his own eyes as the tears fell from seeing Tony in so much pain.

“I lost my Mama, Steve” Tony cried against Steve’s neck and clung to him “I lost the one person who loved me unconditionally and taught me that I would be enough. I’m so despicable that I wasn’t even allowed to keep my Mama, she was too pure for me and I didn’t deserve her, I’m too flawed.”

“Who said that? Tony you’re the single most amazing person I know.” Steve whispered against his hair as he pressed a few kisses against the man’s head for comfort, his own and Tony’s, squeezing him tighter.

“Howard said bad boys don’t get nice things or nice people, that’s why he took Mama away.” Tony sniffled against Steve’s strong chest and Steve was sure that he could probably hear his own heart breaking,

He never had a bad word to say about Howard previously but at this moment he wanted to rip the man apart limb by limb and set him on fire so that he could feel the same amount he has made his son feel. Tony deserved to be loved with all of the force on the Earth yet believed that he wasn’t deserving of his own mother’s love, if this wasn’t heartbreak then what was? Steve lifted the mans head from his chest and cupped his face, leaning his forehead against Tony’s as he spoke in a hushed voice.

“Howard was wrong, Tony. He was so unbelievably wrong because you are nothing but good. You are the greatest person I have ever met and now I know that you get that from your mother who also must have been as beautiful as you.” Tony blushed slightly as he wiped his nose against the back of his hand, small sniffles still leaving him, but Steve hadn’t finished yet. “I’m so sorry that you lost your mother so young, I understand that you miss her and love her but sweetheart shutting yourself away from those who love you won’t help soothe the ache.” One hand left Tony’s cheek and he reached down to grab one of his hands, bringing it up to press against his heart and he spoke in a sincere and love filled tone.

“I would do anything for you, this heart is strong enough to shoulder your grief too so please, Tony please lean on me and don’t let your grief consume you. I’m here with you.”  Tony looked up at Steve and gave him a watery smile, squeezing his hand over his heart and inhaled a deep breath.

“I trust you with everything, Steve” Tony moved forward again and left a chaste kiss on his cheek and looped his arms around Steve’s neck yawning adorably against his ear. Steve let a fond smile take over his lips and gently leaned his head against Tony’s as he lifted him up bridal style, not unlike the days where Tony fell asleep on him in the lab and he had to put him to bed. With the help of JARVIS he was able to get Tony up to his penthouse and into the master bedroom, setting Tony down on the bed he pulled off his shoes and socks, taking his things out of his sweatpants and setting them on his bedside table and then tucked him in. Tony mumbled something under his breath and Steve didn’t notice until he said it a bit louder.

“Steve…stay” he pawed at Steve’s arm gently and Steve was tempted to until he looked over at Tony’s phone which lit up at that moment with a text from Pepper and his heart dropped and settled at the bottom of his stomach like a rock. He gently pulled Tony’s hand off him and left a lingering kiss on his forehead before he walked out of the room.

He wouldn’t be the reason why Tony lost another person he loves.                                                                                                          

////

With a sigh he lifted his glass of whiskey to his lips and sipped on it, watching Tony and Pepper laugh on the dance floor as he spun her around in a waltz. ‘That should have been us’ he thought bitterly as he quickly emptied his glass and asked the bartender for another.

As soon as he lifted the refreshed glass to his lips he felt a heavy hand pat his shoulder and turned to see Thor looking at him with amusement dancing in his eyes. He settled against the bar beside Steve and ordered himself a drink as he kept looking at Steve as if he knew something that Steve didn’t.

Well this should be good.

“What is it, Thor?”

“What makes you think there is anything to be said, Steven?”

“That look has only ever been on your face when you hid all of the pop tarts before you went to Jane’s for the week so that we couldn’t find them. What do you know?”

Thor let out a loud laugh as he sipped on his own drink, giving Steve a mirthful grin as he raised his eyebrow. “I am merely seeing what you are not, dear friend.”

Steve was running out of patience quickly as he finished his glass again and rolled his eyes at the God. “If I wanted to play Cluedo with you I would say so, stop being cryptic and just tell me what you know that I don’t.”

The God in question leaned back as he looked directly to where Steve was looking before, following Tony and Pepper with his eyes as Tony kept glancing over at them and let his eyes linger on Steve whilst he remained clueless and Thor chuckled at the idiocy of his friends.

“Dear friend, I am merely telling you to open your eyes and see what is in front of you. Your happiness may be closer than you think.” Thor lifted his glass to his lips with a twinkle in his eyes and Steve would ask him to embellish but Jane came up to Thor and excitedly dragged him away to meet someone she knows so Steve decided to question the puzzling man later. Honestly, a conversation with Thor was like playing Blues Clues.

As he mulled over what the God said in his head, Tony had finished his dance and came over to the bar. Tony ordered a water with lemon and then looked over at Steve with a genuine smile and Steve’s lips twitched in response.

“Are you okay? You left us for a while in the limo.”

Steve inhaled a deep breath and nodded slowly, “Yeah Tony, don’t worry about me I’m fine.”

Tony frowned and tilted his head curiously, worry swirling around the melted chocolate of his eyes as a small v formed in the centre of his forehead. Oh how Steve wished he could place a kiss on it and make it go away.

“Steve, you know I’ll always worry about you- “.

“Stark, there you are! I was looking everywhere for you, but I should have known you would be by the bar.”

Of fucking course Justin Hammer would interrupt them.

Tony’s facial expression morphed from open and vulnerable to sheltered and dangerous which was always interesting and terrifying to see. A shark like grin formed on his lips as he turned to face Hammer and Steve straightened up too, on high alert and ready to pounce.

“Justin, I didn’t know we were raising money to keep your company running today although after seeing your stock prices you desperately need it.” Tony sipped on his water and Steve smirked as Hammer’s face turned bright red, he could practically see the steam shooting from his ears.

“Well I thought this was a Gala to commemorate both of your parents but imagine how surprised I was to see that there is no mention of Howard in sight? Then again your daddy dearest did always say you were a complete disappointment so of course you didn’t even think of throwing a Gala in his honour in case you fucked it up like you fuck up every relationship you have. Perhaps death was a better option for him and your mother instead of dealing with you.”

Tony’s face became ashen and he blurted out a quick “excuse me” before all but running towards the exit and that left Steve to look down at the measly earthworm who spouted complete and utter filth.

Moments later his fist held a dull ache and Hammer was crumpled on the floor cupping his gushing nose in immense pain, Steve bent down and spoke in a harsh and emotionless voice.

“I always knew you were a pathetic low-life, but I thought even you had some sense of decorum and wouldn’t insult the dead, it looks like even a complete disappointment can continue to disappoint.” Steve pulled Hammer’s head back from his hair and relished in the howl of pain he released. “If you ever, and I mean ever, come near Tony again then I won’t just break your nose, I’ll break every single bone in your body and do it in such a way that you won’t even have the mercy of passing out to escape the pain.” He bared his teeth in a snarl at the man and threw him back down to the ground where he belonged waving over security.

“Get this filth out of here.”

Steve then had only one coherent thought as he ran out of the hall as fast as his legs could take him, his mind screaming at him as he looked around he numerous faces frantically yet couldn’t see the one he was desperately looking for. His heart was beating like a drum and the blood rushed to his head as he span around, gripping his hair in both hands in a frenzy.

‘Where is Tony?’

Chapter Text

The amount of horrific situations running through Steve’s mind were enough to drive him crazy once the adrenalin had ran out. Running away and hiding when he was upset was Tony’s superpower, but Steve had found him plenty of time, he could find him again if he just fucking focused and stopped freaking out. Where would Tony go?

Wait.

Tony’s favourite place was the rooftop of his Tower. Whenever he was upset or angry he went up to the rooftop because it reminded him that he could get through whatever was bothering him. He wouldn’t be able to go to his own Tower right now, so he would be…on this building’s roof!

Steve searched for a staircase and ran up them using his super speed, the individual steps blurring as he rushed up and threw open the ‘DANGER DO NOT ENTER’ door at the top, stepping out onto the solid concrete rooftop, his eyes frantic as he scanned the roof and he felt his heart settle as he saw the man he was looking for. He approached him slowly and felt his heart break as sound of soft sniffles filled the air, wanting nothing more than to reach out and envelope the man in his arms but settles on a comforting hand on Tony’s shoulder.

“I’m so sorry Tony, I’m so unbelievably sorry that the dickhead ruined today for you.” Steve squeezed the man’s shoulder and moved forward so that he could see his face, steps faltering as he saw Tony’s red tear stained face. Tony rarely cried, especially out in public, so what Hammer said must be hitting him hard.

‘I’m going to fucking kill that prick.’

Steve cupped Tony’s cheek and wipes away the tear tracks, gently caressing the smooth skin under Tony’s eyes to catch any stray drops and spoke in a low and sincere tone. “Tony, he was spouting bullshit out there you can’t tell me that you believe anything that man-child says! I swear just last week he was on Fox News giving an interview which has got to show you how unreliable his word is if Fox is calling him credible. Hammer is just j- “.

“Don’t you dare say that he’s jealous Rogers” Tony may look wrecked, but he was using his media voice which broke Steve’s heart a little.

Steve frowns and drops his hand from Tony’s cheek, taking a step back as he says “But he is, Tony. You have everything.”

Tony lets out a sarcastic laugh which sounds so wrong coming from him, he didn’t laugh with such malice, not ever. He giggled behind a closed fist, he let out loud chuckles and occasionally would be in hysterics where he would bend over clutching his stomach, but he hasn’t seen nor heard this laugh and definitely never wants to again. This laugh had Tony’s eyes glassy with unshed tears yet simultaneously emotionless, his grin bordering on sheer rage and his fists clenched by his hands and occasionally scrubbing at his cheeks when any tears escaped. This laugh expressed…pain. And Steve hated it.

“I have everything? What exactly is everything to you? Because if it’s money then yes I have that. If it’s opportunities then yes I have a fuckton of those too. If everything is cars, houses and alcohol then yes, I have it all don’t I, Steven? I have everything in terms of what the world says makes a wealthy man, yet I am the poorest of souls.” Tony moved over to overlook the city, his hands turning white from the tight grip he had on the concrete balcony and Steve could feel the grief coming off the shorter man in waves, he moved over to him and yanked him round to look at him, Steve’s eyes probably looking desperate and crazy at this point but what was he meant to do? Stand unaffected by all of this?

“Tony, by everything I don’t just mean money and materialistic things. You have more than money could ever buy! You have the determination of a lion as Iron Man and as Tony Stark, you have lived through unimaginable situations yet have still found a way to thrive despite that. You have a heart of gold that is always ready to help others, the Avengers included as you didn’t need to give us a place to live but you selflessly did so. You have a family and people who love you more than you could ever know- “.

“That’s bullshit!”

Steve’s hands were paralysed as Tony roughly pulled himself out of his hold and curled into himself, his body shaking with sobs as his voice came out as a broken yell.

“People around me don’t love me they just tolerate or use me. I am only good for providing and doing shit for people” Tony kicked a stray plant pot beside his feet making Steve jump, “You couldn’t even stomach looking at me until now!” Steve’s eyes glossed over as tears fell, wanting nothing more than to wrap the broken man in front of him into his arms and make this all better but how could he? He did this. He contributed towards Tony feeling like this.

“If I was so amazing then why do the people I love leave me, Steven? Why are they always so fucking ready to walk out of the door when I don’t submit to their every demand when I bend over backwards otherwise? You’re a believer of God right? What God would dangle love in front of me every single fucking time only to yank it away when he deems fit.” Another dark chuckle left Tony’s lips as he wiped his face and looked up to the sky. “Thank you! Thank you for killing my mother! Thank you for taking Aunt Peggy in such a way that she couldn’t fucking remember who I am when she left! Thank you for putting me in such a situation where I couldn’t even keep my girlfriend! Thank you so fucking much big guy, thank you for ruining me!”

He fell to his knees and sobbed into his hands as Steve stood there frozen. His mind processing all that Tony had just said when the man let out a broken whisper.

“And then when I finally thought I was doing something right you left me too and the worst thing?” Tony looked up at him with bloodshot eyes and said the next words with so much pain that a bullet through the heart would have hurt less, “the worst thing was not knowing what I did to repulse you and make you run away from me. But I really must be that bad if America’s golden boy Captain fucking America couldn’t even stomach being around me.”

Steve stumbled towards Tony as though his words had inflicted physical damage and dropped down to his knees in front of him, clasping Tony’s hands in his and choking back a sob, trying his hardest to look stern and put together. “Don’t you dare put yourself down like that again, you hear me? No one is allowed to insult you, including yourself” Steve squeezed his hands tightly and inhaled a deep breath, pushing down any whines that were threatening to come out of his mouth as Tony squeezed back even tighter.

“Why do you hate me so much? What did I do, Steve? I…I tried so fucking hard not to mess us up, yet I ended up doing it anyway.” The hole in Steve’s heart threatened to swallow him whole as he couldn’t bring himself to stare back into the broken eyes desperately trying to search for answers within his own shattered ones. Steve merely focused on one spot on the floor as Tony kept looking at him imploringly, knowing that he was only pushing the man away as he was baring his soul out in front of him.

“I didn’t know that you and Pepper broke up.”

Really? Out of all that Tony just said he was choosing to focus on that?

Tony pulled his hands out of Steve’s as he rubbed his arms in comfort more than just a way to conserve warmth, shaking his head in disbelief as though he couldn’t possibly believe that he just said and honestly, Steve couldn’t quite believe it himself.

“That proves that you were trying your absolute hardest to avoid me doesn’t it? Because the first person I looked for after it was you, but you were too busy punching through all of the sandbags in the gym to listen to me.” Tony wiped his face once more and then stood up gracefully, his shoulders back and a fierce look on his face as he shook his head. “I don’t know why I’m even trying to get through to you right now, you don’t care about me and you probably never did.”

Tony walked past Steve in order to get away. but Steve grabbed onto the sleeve of his suit jacket and let out a hoarse whisper.

“I never stopped caring about you. Never.”

“Then why did you give up on me?” Tony replied in a voice that resembled an abandoned child and Steve winced as the words hit him hard. How could he tell the truth? How could he tell Tony that he loved him without, well, telling him that he loves him? Steve turned to look at Tony who still had his facade up although if he truly looked at him he could see the act breaking before his eyes, Tony was crumbling, and it only hurt Steve worse.

“Because I’m an idiot who never deserved you and couldn’t love you the way you needed me to.”

Tony’s face crumbled again, and Steve panicked because of course he said the wrong thing and made Tony cry another time. God he’s hopeless at this and can only cause Tony pain.

“That may be true, but you were always the only one I wanted. Even Pepper knew that, it’s why she left and probably why romantic love will never exist in my life again.”

Steve felt ashen as he took in the information, shaking his head as his mouth went into overdrive and just let out rambles.

“Tony don’t say that! You will feel romantic love and when you do you’ll realise just how wrong you are. That person will love you with all of your silly quirks and habits. They will love that look on your face when you’re so deep in thought because it makes a little v on your forehead that looks adorable. They will love your smile because it will never fail to brighten their day and make even the shittiest of days amazing. They will love the way you demand cuddles when watching a movie because ‘it isn’t movie night without cuddles’ which is adorable. They will love how your face lights up when you talk about all of your ideas and things that you are passionate about whether it be a new project or a new Game of Thrones episode. They will love the way your eyes positively gleam when a child is around. They will notice how you visit a children’s ward in the hospital at least every month just to make them smile and they will fucking love it. They will notice how you don’t truly function until your coffee in the morning and are snappy but will love it nonetheless because you snap at them with sleep mussed hair and sweater paws. They will notice how you can’t get into a pool until it is heated due to Afghanistan flashbacks and they will notice that you need to be held extra tight after a panic attack in order to be grounded but they will love you even more because of that since they’ll know that you got through something so traumatic on your own. They will notice how you can’t cook for shit but are still adamant to so they will eat everything you make even if it means they will be sat on the toilet for the next four days because they love you. They will notice how your eyes turn misty when you hear an old song and when that look is on your face you just want to dance because even if you say, ‘I don’t dance’? You’re a sucker for it and they will love that. They will love you so much that the past heartache will fade away and when they put a ring on your finger and you both have sweet children that you adore they will love you even more because you make their life complete.”

Steve finally focused on Tony after his rant and inhaled a deep breath into his burning lungs, his chest rising and falling quickly as Tony looked absolutely shell-shocked. His cheeks were flushed red and his hands were shaking slightly as he tilted his head. Tony’s voice low and filled with absolute wonder as he turned around and asked a question that made Steve’s brain short circuit.

“Steve, how long have you been in love with me?”

Chapter Text

Steve was frozen and had no idea what to say.

Tony, his Tony, just asked him a question that could make or break everything. The answer he gives will change everything for them and can he be that selfish? Can he truly do this? So many questions including the one that sent him into this spiral and he realises that he hasn’t said anything for a good few minutes.

“Tony I…I don’t- “.

“Steven Grant Rogers contrary to popular belief I’m not oblivious nor stupid so don’t fucking lie to me right now. How long?” Tony’s voice was fierce, but his jaw was tight, and his eyes were holding an unknown glimmer. ‘What should I do?’ he thinks to himself as he tries to avoid Tony’s eyes, clearly his throat harshly he turns to walk past Tony.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Tony now lets get back to the Gala before they notice you’re gone.”

A hand reaches out and grabs Steve’s tightly before yanking him back to see fiery brown eyes, the face he is so used to adoring set in a scowl. Oh shit.

“You’re seriously trying to tell me that you don’t feel any romantic feelings towards me? That you’re going to hide away again like a complete and utter fucking coward just because you refuse to admit you could love me?”  Tony’s words were like bullets piercing his skin because of course he was right. Steve didn’t have the fucking guts to tell the man he loves that he doesn’t need to fear being alone or not being loved because Steve is right here and will love him for the rest of his days.

Tony moved his hand from Steve’s arm and shook his head forlornly as a few tears fell, turning to face the New York skyline. “Sorry, I guess I’ve just been so used to looking for scraps of love from people that your outburst hit a little too close to the ‘has never been loved’ nerve.” He laughs humourlessly and Steve can tell that the underlying sobs are present under Tony’s harsh breathing. The man is broken and this is just another reminder of how he deserves better than Steve.

“Tony I- “.

“No Steve.” He turns to face Steve and his eyes are red rimmed, his face dripping with defeat but his smile artificially bright for someone this upset. “You don’t need to feel sorry for me! I’m used to loving people who don’t feel the same way, comes with the territory.”  Tony shrugs and wipes away his tears with a sniffle, looking up to the sky and whispering a small prayer for strength and courage because God knows he didn’t have any left right now.

“I…you love me?” Steve looked at the shorter man with shock, the words setting in under his skin and making his blood thrum. His heartbeat picked up and his throat was dryas Tony let out a soft curse and laugh at Steve’s expense.

“You really are Captain Clueless aren’t you?”

Tony looked over his shoulder to meet Steve’s refreshingly innocent eyes with his own murky brown, seeing the blatant confusion written all over his face and shook his head in exasperation before inhaling a breath.

“I’ve loved you for so long that I don’t think I can remember when it actually happened. I don’t know when simply enjoying your company became wanting to come back home to you, when every little thing you did from wiggling your nose every time your ice cream is too cold to falling asleep during every movie we watched.” Tony shrugs again as he lets out a laugh, his eyes dazed in a memory and then looks down to his feet. “How you mean business as soon as the alarm sounds, how you can’t walk down the street without petting every single dog that walks past you, how you sketch everything you find beautiful and capture the essence of it perfectly.”

The Italian man looked back up and his face tinged with sadness as his lips upturned ruefully.

“How you need to keep the bedside lamp on unless you’re sleeping with someone because you never want to be in the dark alone, how you hate the cold weather but can bear it as long as you get hot cocoa with whipped cream and only pink marshmallows as soon as you walk through the door.” Tony lets out another laugh as he reaches up to pat Steve’s cheek and it is only then that eh realises he is chewing on the inside of his cheek deep in thought. “You always do that when you’re thinking hard and your forehead creases up” He goes up on his tip toes and pecks Steve’s forehead gently, smoothening it out immediately as the tension leaves Steve’s body.

“I know that you love being the little spoon because you feel protected, that you didn’t know what colour your eyes exactly were until after the serum because you were colour blind and I say that’s a damn shame because they are the purest blue I have ever seen, the colour of a clear blue sky after the world’s most beautiful sunrise because to me your eyes represent new beginnings and moving on from a dark past to walk into a new day.”

Steve’s throat closes up with emotion as those same eyes fill with tears and Tony smiles sadly at him. Tony loves him? Tony paid attention to all of these little quirks and things about Steve even when he didn’t have to? He remembers always having a cup of hot cocoa ready when he got in from a run on Winter mornings and sipping it gratefully as the smell of engine grease hung around the air. His room being slightly lighter than usual, he thought this was the default setting until he visited Natasha during the night and her rooms were pitch black. How Tony always pulled Steve’s head onto his chest when they were watching a movie and when Steve did fall asleep he laid there with him and kept holding him tight.

Holy fucking shit.

“I know I said I don’t remember when I fell in love, but I know when I realised, it was the day we were looking at Peggy’s photo albums a few weeks before New York, remember?”.

Steve nods jerkily as Tony gently wipes away the few more tears that leave lines against his porcelain cheeks. That was an emotion, but love filled day for the both of them and probably one of the greatest moments they had had together as a pair.

//////

“You have got to be kidding me! Aunt Peggy didn’t say your hair cut was that lame!”

Steve narrowed his eyes at Tony playfully as he clutched his belly and laughed loudly, not able to keep the fond look off his face at Tony being so happy even if the joke was at his expense. He rolled his eyes good naturedly and pulled the photo album back onto his lap so that Tony had to lean his chin on Steve’s shoulder to look at it comfortably,

“Hardy har har so funny, don’t forget I’ve seen pictures of you with your soul patch Tony and that was a hilarious look perhaps I should let the others see too.”

Tony’s mouth shuts immediately, and he pouts on Steve’s shoulder, the latter trying his hardest not to turn his head and let their lips just brush together from the close proximity, but Sarah Rogers didn’t raise a boy who would lead someone into infidelity.

Even if Steve had a huge crush on him.

“You wouldn’t do that to me Stevie you like me too much plus you can’t resist these bad boys” Steve turned to look at Tony curiously and cursed inwardly as Tony gave him a sweet puppy eyed look that could rival Puss’s from Shrek 2. He tried to look away, but Tony started quivering his lower lip and then he knew that he was a goner for sure.

“Tony! You know I’m not going to tell anyone just please stop looking so sad my heart can’t take it.” Steve poked Tony’s nose in an attempt to make him laugh and succeeded as the shorter man let out a cute sneeze before laughing with mirth.

“Works every damn time.” Tony winks at Steve and then continues flicking through the photo album that the nursing home gave him after Peggy’s death, they were going through it together as today they were both missing her quite a lot. Forever being an impatient child Tony flipped through the pictures quickly, only pausing to look at each one for a second before moving on until he reached one of Peggy and a tiny Tony dancing together with Tony standing on top of Peggy’s feet, both of them laughing with glee as Maria had taken the picture.

“You were so cute, Lord knows what happened now.”

Tony opens his mouth to defend his honour but once seeing the cheeky look Steve is giving him he drops it and traces the picture with his finger instead, smiling softly again.

“I loved dancing with her, I mean I had to learn due to all of the benefit dinners and galas that Howard would throw but Aunt Pegs made it fun. She was an amazing dancer and could teach even the most hopeless.”

Tony grinned widely at his memories of stepping all over Aunt Peggy’s feet with his dress shoes at his birthday party when he was eight and just getting a pat on the cheek before being told how to fix his footwork. She was a gem.

Steve looked at the picture of his two favourite people dancing wistfully and frowned softly as he remembers how he never got that dance with Peggy because of the accident. His shoulders deflate and he hunches in on himself trying not to get upset. Of course Tony feels it because he’s resting against Steve’s body, he lifts his head and slips down so that he can look at Steve’s face and speaks in a hushed whisper as though Steve was a skittish colt ready to run with one wrong move.

“Hey, you. Too much for today? Ready to finish up and watch a movie?”

Tony tilts his head curiously with a kind smile but when Steve looks away from his face in order to not meet his eyes the shorter man frowns again, moving over to kneel on the floor and pulling the album off Steve’s lap. He closes it and places both hands on Steve’s knees as a steadying presence, rubbing them gently with his calloused thumbs and murmurs.

“Talk to me Steve, what’s wrong?”

Steve inhaled a deep breath and placed his hands on top of Tony’s, giving them a soft squeeze to try and stabilize his emotions before letting out a soft whisper.

“I was supposed to take her dancing after my mission, we had a date and she was going to teach me how to dance. But because of the accident – “.

“You never got to have your dance.”

Where Steve broke off Tony finished his sentence and squeezed his knees slightly harder for comfort, Tony’s own eyes lowered to the ground as he thought of what he could possibly do to make this better and then it came to him, this would be perfect.

“Well you’ll just have to learn from her favourite protegee instead won’t you?”

Tony leaps to his feet and holds out his hand as Steve looks up at him, he just sighed and shook his head, looking down at his knees again where he missed the warmth of Tony’s hands and Tony yearned for Steve’s face to light up with joy again.

“Steven Grant Rogers, if you don’t dance with me then I’ll assume you hate me and nuke you.”

Of course he was joking but Steve couldn’t help the small bubble of laughter that left his lips, Tony’s grin widening as Steve hauled himself off the sofa and took Tony’s rougher hand into his own smooth one. Steve was cursed with baby smooth hands and Tony always made fun of it but in a teasing way not bullying.

“Any song requests Steve?”

Steve rolled his eyes at Tony and looked down at him with an unamused look, scowling good naturedly as Tony shifted his left hand down to the genius’ waist and kept the right one in his own.

“I wouldn’t know Tony, I don’t dance.”

Tony grinned with a certain cheekiness yet cuteness only he could have and called out to the empty room with excitement.

“You heard him JARVIS! I don’t dance it is!”

If Steve rolled his eyes any further they would stay stuck in his head, instead of expecting JARVIS to ask for a proper song a soft country sounding ballad starts playing and Tony winks up at him, almost as though he knew this would happen, a smooth voice filled the room and it was actually really nice. Tony began swaying with Steve and he couldn’t help but laugh as the lyrics sounded through the room.

“I don’t dance, but here I am spinning you round and round in circles. It ain’t my style, but I don’t care. I’d do anything with you anywhere. Yes you got me in the palm of your hand cause I don’t dance.”

Tony sang along to them with a country twang and Steve laughed even louder as Tony sang ‘spinning you round and around in circles” whilst turning in Steve’s arms, the genius looking up at him with suspiciously bright and affection filled eyes. He stumbled slightly as Tony took the lead but caught up fairly quickly, blushing softly as Tony gave him such a bright smile and Tony lifted both of his hands to loop around Steve’s neck as they danced a simple waltz, singing softly under his breath.

“You took these two left feet and waltzed away with my heart.”

He gently pulled on tufts of Steve’s hair at the bottom of his neck but then Steve took the lead and spun Tony around in circles around the open plan of the living room, is own timber edged voice singing out as he dipped Tony down and smiled at him.

“You got me in the palm of your hand, cause I don’t dance.”

Tony laughed and shook his head, gripping onto Steve’s neck slightly tighter as his face shifted into a look of understanding and awe as his voice came out slightly choked.

“And now you do too.”

“Huh?”

Tony quickly lifted himself up and cleared his throat, shaking his head as though to clear his mind and smiled up at Steve tightly.

“Nothing Steve, great job with the dancing. She would have been proud.”

////

“When you dipped me down and sang those lyrics I just knew that like the song said I would do anything for you because you truly had me in the palm of your hand. You’re the only one who holds the power to destroy me Steve Rogers.”

Steve stood in absolute shock as memories of that dance swirled around in his head and Tony’s defeated eyes stared right into his. He cleared his throat and whispered out.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Tony’s forehead creased with confusion and then he let out a bark of a laugh as though Steve was telling a joke. When he saw that Steve was serious he sobered up and quirked an eyebrow gesturing between the both of them.

“You’re not exactly my biggest fan after New York are you, Cap? Plus you just point blank denied having feelings for me so what was I supposed to do? Get shot down earlier?”

Steve’s hands formed fists as he started getting angry at himself, growling out of frustration and as Tony opens his mouth to surely fire another spitfire comment he shouts out.

“I love you, Tony and it would have been fucking brilliant to have known that you have felt the same way for months now!”

As soon as the words left his mouth he slapped a palm over it, shocked that he finally confessed the emotions that had been festering up inside of him since he met the bubbly genius. Tony looked up at Steve with the fragility of a broken porcelain doll yet the anger of a lion as he full on screamed now.

“I did fucking tell you, jackass!”

“No you fucking didn’t I would remember!”

“Well maybe you wouldn’t considering you were unconscious!”

Their screams echoed around the empty space and Steve stood even more frozen than before, tilting his head in confusion as Tony took a haggard breath to try and compose himself but failed as his tears were falling faster and he was shaking from emotional exhaustion.

“I told you the third night you were in the hospital with your broken shoulder and ribs I –“ he swallowed as his jaw clenched at the memory. “I was so close to losing you and it terrified me that you had gotten hurt so when you were sleeping I took your hand and told you. You didn’t hear me but I prayed to whatever is out there to give you back to me because I love you more than I could ever love someone and I couldn’t lose you. I couldn’t lose someone I would rather die than live without. Then your heart started beating faster and the doctors came in saying you were waking up.”

His face drained of life as he remembers what happened once he woke up, he snapped at Tony to go away and said he didn’t want him there. He said that Tony should focus on doing his job better so that the rest of the team wouldn’t get hurt. Fuck he is such an asshole.

“I just wanted to hug you and kiss you and look after you but you were so m…mean and it hurt so much Steve.”

Tony’s legs buckled from exhaustion but before he could hit the ground Steve grabbed him, lifting him off the ground and against his chest where Tony’s ear was pressed against his racing heart. His own tears were streaming down his face as Tony sobbed against his chest, gripping onto his shirt so tight that the seams were stretching but Steve didn’t care. God he was such a jackass to this beautiful man who never deserved it.

“I’m so sorry baby I am so fucking sorry, I love you so much and I will never ever ever treat you like that again. I’m so sorry you had to deal with me being so awful to you.” He squeezed Tony tightly and pressed multiple kisses against his hair as the genius took deep breaths to try and calm himself down, Steve whispering sweet nothings into his ear as he slowly began breathing normally again but still didn’t let the soldier go.

Tony looked up at Steve with red blotchy cheeks and an almost child like innocence to him as he whimpered hopefully.  

“You really love me?”

May Sarah Rogers strike him from heaven with her slipper if he ever hurt this precious man again, Steve set him down onto the floor gently and cupped his face in his large hands. His nose brushed against Tony’s as he nodded quickly, his voice catching as he spoke.

“Ever since we sat in your office and you called me your family, I really do love you Tony and I would be the luckiest man alive if you gave me an opportunity to prove that to you every day for the rest of our lives.”

Tony moved forward to lean his forehead against Steve’s and sniffled again before asking a question.

“And you promise not to hurt me ever again?”

“Over my dead body.” He smiled softly at hjm as he rubbed Tony’s cheek affectionately. “And I mean that literally because I think all of our friends will kill me if I hurt a single hair on your head.”

A little giggle leaves Tony’s lips and Steve’s expression brightens up immediately, he kisses all over Tony’s face apart from his lips to try and get more of those adorable giggles and is blessed when Tony laughs more and more.

They can hear music from the Gala on the roof and Steve pulls back and quirks his brow when the familiar instrumental starts up and tilts his head down at Tony. “Did you have something to do with this?”

Tony bit his lower lip and nodded before holding out his hand with a cheeky grin. “I think you owe your boyfriend a dance.”

Steve laughed with joy and took Tony’s hand, setting both of them on his neck as he looped his arms around Tony’s curvy hips. They swayed to the song they danced to all those months ago and the lyrics still ring true, both of them laughing and smiling at each other, refusing to be more than a few steps apart because they are officially in the honeymoon stage.

A distant rocket can be heard shooting up into the sky and Steve turns rigid, clinging to Tony tighter as he remembers Tony disappearing into space with the nuke but one look down at his lovers smile brings him back to earth. Tony rubs noses with him affectionately, understanding why Steve would freak out and then whispers.

“How about we make some new memories for you to relate with that sound?”

“Sounds great to me.”

As more rockets and fireworks shot up into the sky the pair leaned in and shared what would be the first of many many kisses. Steve still had a lot of grovelling to do and you can bet your lucky stars that Tony would make it difficult, but the former would do anything because Tony was worth it. For now they stood in their perfect love bubble with two special stars going by the names Sarah and Maria looked down at them from heaven and blessed the couple with happiness that would last forever. And you know what they say about blessings from Angels, they are always heard.

Of course they danced to their signature song at every opportunity and every single time they make sure to say that they don’t dance, country might not be every person’s cup of tea but I can tell you this, at their wedding there wasn’t a single person who didn’t shed a tear.

“Can I have this dance Mr Stark-Rogers?”

“Of course Mr Stark-Rogers, but there’s one thing you should know”

“Oh? What’s that now?”

“I don’t dance.”