Chapter Text
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"you're a fucking asshole, you know that?"
"look, you gotta trust me, it's true!" hoseok whisper-yells across the table, hiding his face behind his book in a half-assed attempt to pretend he's studying so the librarian doesn't kick him out. judging by the woman's pointed stare from the checkout counter, he's fucking horrible at it. yoongi just rolls his eyes and turns back to his own textbook, kicking hoseok's legs warningly under the table.
"so now we're adding 'pathological liar' to the list of reasons my platonic soulmate is batshit crazy and should be detained," yoongi mutters under his breath as he stares idly at a diagram of saturated fatty acids, and hoseok aims a particularly hard kick at his shin. yoongi yelps loudly and jerks in his seat, and when he glances over, the librarian looks like she's five fucking seconds from grabbing them by the necks and bodily throwing them into the hallway.
"there's no fucking way i'm soulmates with him—the universe may be a bitch, but she's not fucking stupid," yoongi hisses, lifting his eyes from his textbook to give hoseok a withering stare. hoseok, obviously undeterred, just shrugs.
"what, you think i can believe a bitchass little gremlin like you gets to spend the rest of his life with the hottest kid at this godforsaken fucking school?" he retorts, slamming his book down on the table and giving up the whole pretend-to-study act completely.
"jeon jungkook is not the hottest guy at this school," yoongi fires back, but he knows it's futile—he's just looking for a reason to argue with hoseok, and it's completely true. jeon jungkook is undoubtedly the hottest motherfucker that's walked through the walls of seoul academy for college prep (or sacp, as dubbed by the students—the pronunciation is different, though, ranging from s-a-c-p to sack-pus; obviously, yoongi uses the former and hoseok uses the latter). yoongi's heard jungkook can lift anywhere from 40 to 50 kilograms, which is absurd for a high schooler, but yoongi honestly believes it—the muscles bulging from underneath jungkook's big white t-shirts and shorts can obviously do something other than just open stubborn jars all day. his legitimate greek god body is only complimented by his face, which is pretty much what yoongi thinks angels look like—jungkook's got all the stars in his wide, dreamy eyes, and his face is unrealistically adorable. like, if yoongi had never seen jungkook in the flesh and someone just showed him a picture, he'd claim jungkook wasn't real at all. an anime character, maybe. or a fairy. the way jungkook's nose scrunches up and his eyes turn into little crescents when he smiles—fuck, yoongi swears it could cure cancer.
not only are his looks (dazzling, heart-stopping, stunning) above average, but he's also fucking amazing at everything he does. the kid's a god at sports—the only one in school history to make the football team in his freshman year, and he's already one of the captains as a sophomore; yoongi nearly shed a tear the first time he watched jungkook play at one of the home games (not that it's anyone's business). he's also in hoseok's dance team (he's fucking amazing there, too, yoongi can testify) and the singing club—yoongi could listen to jungkook singing the korean national anthem on repeat for the rest of his life and still want to replay it one more time.
the point's proven—making jungkook (basked in golden light, ethereal, legitimate angel) and yoongi (hisses at sunshine, allergic to human emotion, actually a demon) soulmates is the equivalent of the universe being completely stoned on steroid-infused crack cocaine.
"hyung, you and i both know that you saying you don't have the biggest crush on jeon jungkook is a fat fucking lie," hoseok says, dragging yoongi back from his thoughts. yoongi rolls his eyes and looks back down at his textbook, trying to ignore the headache blooming near the front of his forehead. he decides he's going to name it hoseok.
"listen, i'm your best friend, your platonic soulmate, your dudebro, the mario to your kart, the peanut butter to your pickles—"
"what the fuck does that even mean, you headass—"
"and i'm telling you right now, jeon jungkook's your soulmate!" hoseok says, nearly jumping in his seat as he throws his arms outward, throwing their yellow string everywhere. yoongi realizes belatedly that hoseok's said it a little too loud, and all the color drains from his face.
the kids from the next table perk up and glance over, and yoongi hides his burning face by slamming it into his open textbook laying flat on the table.
"smooth, hyung, really fucking smooth," hoseok snorts, patting yoongi on the head sympathetically, and yoongi doesn't even pull his head up to flip hoseok off.
he does pull his head up, however, when he hears a set of particularly heavy footsteps approaching their table, and he looks towards the source of the noise to find the librarian marching over to them with a furious look on her face.
"excuse me, young man, this is a library—"
...fuck.
.
"stop eye-fucking him, you look like a fucking creep," jimin says mindlessly, poking his straw through the top of his yogurt drink, and jungkook stops staring at the petite grey-haired boy sitting across the cafeteria long enough to flip jimin off. jimin lazily returns the favor, showing off the red string twirling magically around his finger.
"fuck you, you know that's your red-string hand," jungkook grumbles under his breath, and jimin just smirks.
"oh, really? didn't know, can't see it," he says nonchalantly, and jungkook wants to pick up jimin by the feet and drag his obnoxious peach-colored hair all over the floor like a mop.
"don't kill my soulmate, kookie," a deep voice rings out from behind jungkook, and he looks over to spot taehyung approaching their lunch table, the red string from jimin's finger also laced around taehyung's. jungkook stares at the shiny red string with disdain, aggressively slurping at his banana milk as taehyung leans over the table to plant a peck on jimin's lips.
"i'm your soulmate, too," jungkook mutters, and taehyung plops down in the seat next to him before throwing an arm over his shoulder.
"yeah, but you're my platonic soulmate," taehyung reminds him. "drastically different. jimin's my boyfriend. you're my bro."
"so if both of us were drowning, which one would you save?" jungkook retorts, raising his eyebrow at taehyung, who legitimately thinks about it before opening his mouth and answering.
"jimin!" he finally replies, smiling that dumb boxy smile, and jimin snorts while jungkook rolls his eyes.
"you can swim, and jimin's tiny legs are useless!"
"what the fuck, tae," jimin snarls, and jungkook snickers while taehyung cowers in fear. jungkook doesn't blame him—an angry jimin is lethal. "i'll show you what my legs can do when i shove them up your ass—"
"anyway, what were you guys talking about while i was gone?" taehyung asks excitedly, reaching across the table to hold hands with jimin.
"our shared regrets with having you as a soulmate," jimin replies instantly, smiling a sickly sweet smile before flicking taehyung's arm away. jungkook shrugs taehyung's arm off his shoulder, and taehyung gives both of them a look of betrayal.
"bullies," taehyung whines loudly, dragging his hands down his face soap-opera style. jungkook's kind of impressed at how realistic it is—taehyung's always had a flair for the dramatics. he shares a look with jimin, and they both go back to eating their food, idly listening to taehyung's performance in the background. taehyung finally realizes he's being ignored, and he turns away with a pout.
"bet you guys were talking about yoongi hyung," he huffs, and jungkook's head snaps up so fast, he can see taehyung's bangs move from the wind.
"hyung?" jungkook asks incredulously. "he doesn't even know you, what the fuck, tae—"
"oh, he will," taehyung replies ominously, and jungkook sighs exasperatedly. he's been spewing a lot of weird ass eerie shit about yoongi recently, and jungkook just wants to know why the hell he's doing it.
"can you stop constantly pining after one dude who might not even be your soulmate," jimin sighs, and jungkook grunts, ignoring the sinking feeling in his chest.
taehyung refuses to tell jungkook his soulmate because of a stupid pact they made a few years ago ("you can't tell the other person their soulmate, even if you know who it is," a thirteen year old taehyung had said matter-of-factly; he wanted them to find their soulmates naturally, whatever the hell that means), and taehyung only found jimin because jimin's platonic soulmate had pointed them out the first day they met. jungkook didn't even find out taehyung had found his red-string soulmate until three days after, which is just complete and utter bullshit. taehyung's a horrible platonic soulmate—but jungkook digresses.
see, jungkook doesn't know who his soulmate is (because taehyung won't fucking tell him), but recently, he's really been hoping it's min yoongi.
min yoongi's not popular in the real definition of the word, but he's infamous—he's not the kind of make friends with everyone and show up at every party, but he's hardworking and talented and intimidating, so people know who he is. yoongi's at the top of his class grades-wise, and he's the king of music production—he makes all of the music the dance team uses in their showcases, and jungkook literally sprints as fast as he can from his last period class to dance practice just so he can stretch while listening yoongi's track one extra time. even though jungkook loves his cheesy american pop and his catchy girl group singles, nothing's made him feel music as much as yoongi's songs do—they're clean cut and slightly gritty, soulful and full of emotion in a way jungkook can't really find anywhere else. jungkook can't help it, but after listening to yoongi's music, songs he's loved forever suddenly feel just a little too—well, plastic. jungkook always ends up asking hoseok for an extra copy of yoongi's track after the showcase is over, and hoseok always just sends him off with a nondescript cd and a knowing smile.
jungkook's seen yoongi's name pop up in the school's monthly newspaper time and time again, for anything from honor roll to the basketball team (yoongi's a fucking basketball god; don't even get jungkook started on the way he plays) to music. jungkook's also seen yoongi play the piano live for a showcase or rehearsal more than once, and the way he glides his fingers over the keys—practiced and controlled, but still full of every emotion the music conveys—makes it hard for jungkook to believe yoongi is an actual human.
yoongi's a fucking genius in every sense of the word, and he's accomplished more than anyone at this stupid school—so of course everyone knows who he is.
unfortunately, jungkook's that one schmuck who's been so taken with min yoongi, he just had to go and fucking fall in love.
yoongi's a genius, but even the way he stands and the way he talks makes him intimidating. yoongi's not particularly tall—jungkook's sure he's got more than a few centimeters on him—but he holds himself with a quiet poise and sureness that jungkook wishes he could have one day. it's the main bulk of the reason jungkook's scared to talk to yoongi: he's amazing and he knows it, but not in the brash, pompous way that most people in the school boast their accomplishments—he's quiet about it, only drawing it out like a spark to a flame every time someone doubts him. jungkook's sure yoongi will think he's an asshole or shy or an idiot (not that these aren't true facts, because they are, he just doesn't want yoongi to know that) and then laugh in his face and never speak to him again. jungkook's too terrified to even talk to yoongi, much less be his friend—yoongi's only ever with his small group of companions, who are all just about as elite as he is.
he sighs involuntarily as he looks from face to face at yoongi's lunch table—jung hoseok, dance team captain, literal ray of sunshine, and yoongi's platonic soulmate (jungkook's not a stalker, the whole school just knows, literally everyone can tell); kim namjoon, academic genius, obvious valedictorian of the year below yoongi, and head of the book club, astronomy club, and more; and kim seokjin, insta-famous model with the face of an angel who happens to also be going to some high-class culinary school when he graduates.
"we know you're in love with him, just stop doing it in front of us, please." jungkook looks over in time to catch jimin mime barfing all over his lunch tray, and he rolls his eyes.
"fuck you, you and taehyung are five times worse," he retorts, glaring at their intertwined hands over the table, and jimin just shrugs listlessly, turning back to his salad.
"okay, but here's an idea—instead of burdening us with your bullshit, just go over there and talk to him," jimin enunciates like he's talking to a child. jungkook huffs and turns away, hating how he knows jimin's right. "c'mon, it's a win-win. you talk to your stupid crush and you stop giving us this dumbassery at all hours of the day."
"i can't just... go over there and say hi," jungkook replies incredulously, eyes still on yoongi and his group of friends. yoongi's facing seokjin, giving jungkook a perfect view of his side profile, and jungkook kind of wants to cry.
"that's exactly what we're telling you to do, dumbass."
"c'mon, i'm sure he'll be fine with it," taehyung butts in, talking around the big bite of sandwich in his mouth. jungkook gives taehyung a look of pure disgust. "more than fine, really, considering the fact that—"
"will you stop spouting your ominous shit about yoongi-sunbaenim," jungkook interrupts, cautiously eyeing taehyung's wicked grin. jimin snorts into his yogurt drink, and jungkook's head whips around when he realizes that jimin's in on it, too.
"what the fuck is up with you guys and min yoongi," jungkook asks exasperatedly, but jimin just gives him a serene smile.
"oh, nothing. nothing at all." jimin clears his throat after that, twirling his fork around in his salad, and jungkook narrows his eyes. both jimin and taehyung are untrustworthy bitches, and jungkook can tell they're planning something. "hey, jungkook, remember you and i have to meet with hoseok after school to discuss the next showcase. you, hoseok and i are a subunit for this one, so we're picking together."
"you are? hell yeah," taehyung whoops, loud enough for the next table to look over and give them curious looks. "i can't wait to see my two soulmates—and hobi hyung, he's also my soulmate, the light of my life—kill it on the stage together!" taehyung's always been the dance team's number one fan, and even though he'd never tell taehyung this, jungkook cracks a smile every time he sees him holding up his stupid go dance team sign and cheering in the audience.
even jimin can't hold back his grin, and he squeezes taehyung's hand from where their fingers are entwined on the table. "thanks, tae." taehyung just responds with the lovesick-puppy he always gets when he's around jimin, and just like that, the two of them are in their own little bubble again.
jungkook looks away and tries not to keel over on the cafeteria floor.
.
yoongi makes it to the dance studio a few minutes early, and he seats himself on the stool near the electric piano while he waits for hoseok to arrive. he shoots the dance captain a quick i'm here text before looking around the empty practice room in disdain, eyes lingering on the mirror covering the wall opposite him. yoongi's had to push back his daily after-school schedule of binge-watching goblin and eating dry cereal for the whole week just so some punk-ass kids in hoseok's dance team can choose which one of yoongi's tracks they want to bust a move to. yoongi's not saying he's pissed, but—well. he's kind of pissed.
the things he does, all because of a stupid yellow string.
hoseok arrives a few minutes later in full dance attire, and he sets his duffel bag down near the door before gliding over to yoongi's seat. "hey, hyung," hoseok greets cheerily, and yoongi rolls his eyes.
"fuck you, no one is allowed to be that happy after a full day of classes," he grumbles, pulling his laptop out of his bag and powering it up.
"if it were up to you, no one would be happy at all," hoseok replies, unperturbed. yoongi lets out a noncommittal grunt in reply, typing a few things into his laptop before pulling up a file folder of mp3s.
"we're doing your subunit today, right? i don't get why you haven't told me who's in it," yoongi mutters under his breath, and hoseok just shrugs.
"it's a surprise," he responds, and yoongi gives hoseok a look before turning back to his computer. "you have the tracks i reserved, right?"
"yeah, i got it." yoongi pulls up the folder holding the three tracks hoseok picked for his subunit to choose from.
"this is the biggest one, and i want it to be the best, so for the subunit, i got the two best dancers in the team to form a trio with me," hoseok says while yoongi connects his computer to the speakers in the room.
"jimin's second best, right? he's vice-captain," yoongi asks mindlessly, trying to entertain hoseok a little so he doesn't start whining. hoseok hums in agreement. "so who's third?"
hoseok just gives yoongi a smirk. "you'll find out."
"is it that chinese transfer student—minghao? his b-boying is pretty cool," yoongi guesses, but hoseok shakes his head, a knowing smile gracing his lips. yoongi narrows his eyes slightly.
"mh, how about yugyeom?"
"he's really good, but no."
"that one thai student—bambam."
"also good, but no."
"...all the decent dancers graduated last year, y'know."
"yeah, i miss kai and taemin," hoseok sighs, lowering himself to splay out on the ground in front of yoongi. "the talent—the charisma—"
"god, you're so fucking obsessed with those two," yoongi mutters, and hoseok just shrugs.
"hey, if you weren't in love with kai or taemin for at least one point in your life, then you're living it wrong."
yoongi's about to open his mouth and agree when the dance room door slams open and two pairs of footsteps tumble inside. "sorry we're late, hobi hyung!" yoongi hears from one of the boys, and based on its light sugary tone, he recognizes it as jimin.
"last period ran late," another voice butts in, sweet and honeyed, and yoongi furrows his brow before recognition blooms across his face and his head snaps up.
jeon jungkook's standing there in a halo of glory, panting with his bag thrown over his shoulder, his brown hair slightly windswept and his golden skin covered in a light sheen of sweat. he's wearing a big white t-shirt (like he always is) and shorts, and yoongi can practically imagine jungkook's tiny waist underneath the cotton, which is so not good for his heart. he looks jungkook up and down like a fucking pervert for a few seconds before hoseok kicks him in the shin and he yelps.
"what the hell, hobi," yoongi says, giving a smug hoseok a harsh glare. he glances back up at jungkook and jimin and almost sighs in relief when it looks like neither of them noticed his ogling.
jungkook and jimin seem to realize that yoongi's in the room too, and jimin gives him a pleasant smile and a wave. "hi, yoongi hyung!"
"hello, jimin-ah," he replies gently, giving jimin a soft smile of his own. he shifts his eyes over to jungkook—who looks absolutely frozen. yoongi furrows his brow when he realizes jungkook's just standing there, mouth slightly open, staring at yoongi like he didn't even know he existed. jimin gives jungkook a discreet nudge, and he finally snaps out of whatever daze he was in and bows slightly.
"hi, yoongi-sunbaenim," jungkook says, standing completely still with his back ramrod straight, and yoongi gives hoseok a confused look. what did he do, does jungkook fucking hate him or something—
"hyung is fine," hoseok says, smiling that knowing smile yoongi's come to hate. "any hyung of mine is a hyung of yours, jungkook-ah! right, yoongi?"
"right," yoongi responds quietly after a pause, looking from hoseok to jungkook to hoseok again, completely and utterly confused. "just hyung is fine, jungkook." jungkook's eyes widen.
"oh, yeah, okay," jungkook breathes out, giving yoongi a look he can't decipher, and then a small smile pulls the edges of his plush lips upward. it makes yoongi want to cry and pop one at the same time. "hyung."
a shiver goes down yoongi's spine at that, and he can feel something in the room like static electricity as he looks into jungkook's eyes—but then hoseok just has to butt in.
"okay, you two, let's stop that so we can pick a song," hoseok announces, clapping his hands once before hoisting himself to his feet. he looks pointedly from yoongi's right hand to jungkook's, and it takes all of yoongi's willpower not to grab him by the neck and slam his head onto the piano keys.
"yeah. yeah, of course," yoongi agrees, looking over to see a tentative grin blossom over jungkook's face.
"i'm excited to hear your music, hyung," jungkook blurts before swinging his jaw shut and turning away hurriedly, like he didn't mean to say it. yoongi feels his cheeks burning, and he replies with a small thank you before hiding his face in his hands like the completely obvious piece of shit he is. jimin snorts and tries to cover it by coughing it into his hand.
"hoseok pre-picked three tracks for you to choose from, and i'm only going to play a few seconds of each demo so you can see which one you like the best," yoongi explains, eyes burning holes into his computer screen to avoid looking up at anyone in this fucking room. "after that, i can alter structure, specific sounds, melody, or tempo to fit however you guys want the dance to go." hoseok, jimin, and jungkook let out small sounds of agreement, and yoongi clicks on the first track before hitting play.
the soft, melodic sounds of the first demo fill the room, filtering through the speakers lightly. this track is more flowy and calm in melody, and yoongi honestly thinks it would fit jimin more than anyone, which is probably why hoseok picked it. it's a decent demo, but yoongi looks at hoseok's long, lanky limbs and jungkook's sheer muscle mass and immediately decides it definitely wouldn't fit for the group as a whole, even though yoongi would have a hell of a time watching hoseok attempt ballet.
he pauses it after a few seconds when he watches hoseok's expression go from 'how the hell will we choreograph this' to 'dear god, i'm actually scared to even attempt.' "not for you guys," he says into the newfound silence, and hoseok nods quickly.
"yeah, i don't know why the hell i was thinking that would work for any of us, besides jimin," hoseok agrees, and jungkook looks slightly disappointed, but he nods. "can you fucking imagine jungkook in a leotard?"
"okay, you have to admit, it'd do great things for his thighs," jimin butts in. yoongi, losing all control of himself, eyes jungkook's heavily built legs and murmurs a 'yeah, it would.'
jungkook's head whirls around when he seems to realize that yoongi's very obviously ogling his thighs, and he blushes furiously, staring at yoongi with something akin to extreme embarrassment painted all over his face.
fuck.
yoongi lets out the most unmanly sound and snaps his head down quickly, hiding behind his laptop screen to avoid absolutely all confrontation. the practice room drops into the most awkward silence yoongi's ever had to sit through—which is saying a lot, because yoongi is the king of awkward silences. he can feel all eyes on him, including jungkook's, and he wonders how far it is from the school building roof to the ground before deciding it's far enough.
after a pregnant pause, hoseok clears his throat, which sounds deafening in the quiet of the room. "so," he trills pleasantly, and yoongi can just imagine the wicked smirk on his face right now, that motherfucker. "second demo?"
"second demo," yoongi squeaks out, clicking the play button. the familiar beats of the second track filter through the speakers, and yoongi's urge to see if jungkook and jimin like the track is overruled by his absolute need to look anywhere but jeon jungkook.
fuck, the only person hoseok's ever said was yoongi's soulmate probably thinks he's a fucking creep. karma will probably backhand him in the face later, but yoongi's saying it outright—the universe sucks ass.
yoongi pauses after a few seconds are over, and hoseok immediately asks everyone what they think. yoongi still refuses to look anywhere but his keyboard.
"i like it," jungkook says quietly. "i like it a lot. it feels... feels right."
"yeah, me too," jimin says, enthusiastic as always. "it's so pretty and clean-sounding, it's amazing—it's really good, yoongi hyung, really."
"thanks, jimin-ah," yoongi mumbles, sneaking a tentative glance up at the small boy, who gives him a thumbs-up and a radiant grin. he smiles lightly before turning back to his computer, forcing himself not to look in jungkook's direction at all.
"the third one hoseok chose is kind of harsh and gritty-sounding, and i don't really think it matches the tracks the other groups chose, so i think this one is best," yoongi finally says, and hoseok hums in agreement. "i'll give you the full demo and you guys can all listen to it, and you can drop by my studio anytime if you have suggestions." a long pause follows, and yoongi tries his hardest not to fidget in his seat until he realizes they're probably waiting for him to leave.
"well, i'm going, then," he announces a little too loudly, turning off his computer and haphazardly stuffing it into his bag. he hoists the bag over his shoulder and murmurs a quick bye before power-walking to the door, exceedingly anxious to leave this jungkook-soulmate-ogling-thighs bullshit behind. he's already turning the handle when hoseok speaks up.
"see you later, hyung!" he yells across the practice room, and yoongi freezes with his hand on the doorknob.
"see you," he replies without looking back, and with that, he's gone.
.
jungkook's eyes follow yoongi's back all the way out, and he practically deflates in relief when the door swings shut behind yoongi with a click. jimin gives him a punch on the shoulder, and he jumps slightly before rubbing at his bicep with betrayal written all over his face.
"what the fuck was that for," he whines, and jimin gives him an unimpressed stare.
"i like it a lot, it feels right," jimin mimics in a tone of voice that obviously screams lovesick, and hoseok snorts when jungkook buries his face in his hands.
"shut up, was i that obvious," jungkook groans, voice muffled by his palms.
"yeah, but yoongi's dense as fuck, so don't worry about it," hoseok replies nonchalantly, and jungkook lifts his head out of his hands to give him a pleading stare.
"hyung, please, please don't tell yoongi i like him," jungkook implores, and he's half ready to get on his knees and start begging when hoseok just waves him off with a smirk.
"i won't, but you should. i'm sure he'd be... happy to hear it." jimin very conspicuously hides his laugh with a cough, and jungkook gives him a glare before shooting hoseok a confused look. hoseok sighs and rolls his eyes, muttering something that sounds suspiciously like "god, why the hell is everyone so fucking stupid" before announcing, "c'mon, you can't tell me he wasn't looking absolutely constipated the whole time." hoseok cuts off to point a finger at jungkook accusingly. "if you say some shit like no, he just looked absolutely angelic, i will actually deck you." jungkook rolls his eyes. "and you can't tell me you didn't catch him checking out your thighs, too."
jungkook immediately flushes at the mention of the look (yes, he's calling it that, underlined and in all caps), but honestly, all he can do is hope deep down that maybe... well, maybe yoongi likes him too. and he knows, he knows it's a one-in-a-trillion type chance, but maybe—maybe they're... soulmates.
"get that idiotic look off your face," jimin sighs, and jungkook's able to retain his thoughts quick enough to catch jimin's wrist before he slaps jungkook on the stomach. hoseok's phone dings, and the dance captain turns it on and stares for a few seconds before grinning.
"yoongi just sent me the demo," hoseok singsongs, hoisting himself out of his chair. "get off your asses, it's time to motherfuckin' dance!" jimin whoops and leaps to his feet. jungkook follows jimin to the center of the dance floor, but he's so lost in thought, he doesn't notice when jimin and hoseok share a knowing look.
jungkook knows the odds are very, very slim, but if there's any chance at all that min yoongi is his destined partner for life... well, jungkook's going to fucking take it.
.
hoseok has created a groupchat!
hoseok has added: namjoon, seokjin, taehyung, jimin!
hoseok has renamed the groupchat: operation yoonkook
hoseok has changed hoseok's name to: yoonkook president!
jimin [9:53AM]
bitch i think the fuck not
jimin has changed yoonkook president 's name to: hobi!
jimin has changed taehyung 's name to: yoonkook president!
yoonkook president [9:53AM]
AW BABE
hobi [9:53AM]
fuckin betrayed
by my OWN VICE CAPTAIN
ur kicked out of dance team. yugy is vice captain now
jimin [9:54AM]
YUGYEOM CANT LEAD FOR SHIT WTF
hobi [9:54AM]
neither can you, u fuckin tyrant
yoonkook president [9:54AM]
lol remember that one time jimin made everyone bow down on their knees so he could be tallest
jimin [9:54AM]
ok that was ONE TIME
i was a FRESHMAN
i was a SMALL
and BITTER child
hobi [9:55AM]
u r STILL a small and bitter child
namjoon [9:55AM]
hoseok what is this i'm trying to finish my physics hw i told you to stop adding me to random groupchats
seokjin [9:55AM]
OMG NAMJOON hi bby
OMG THERES PEOPLE IN HERE
MORE CHILDREN TO ADOPT
NAMJOONIE
namjoon [9:55AM]
baby please we have too many children already
i cant do this
im not ready to be a father to so many
seokjin [9:55AM]
fuck u just say
namjoon [9:55AM]
oh haha :)))) more children :)))) wow welcome :))) to the family :)))
yoonkook president [9:53AM]
that's ,,, terrifying
hobi [9:56AM]
omg the raw power
it's like i'm watching jimin make the dance team freshmen kneel to him all over again
yoonkook president [9:56AM]
jimin and seokjin-ssi working together???? the entire republic of korea would be on lockdown within an hour
seokjin [9:56AM]
HI HONEY
OMG DONT CALL ME -SSI IM YOUR EOMMA NOW
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME DINNER??? IM MAKING EXTRA
yoonkook president [9:56AM]
FUCK YES THANKS EOMMA
namjoon [9:57AM]
this is a trainwreck
jimin [9:57AM]
is there a point to us all being in here or did you just want to create the absolute pinnacle of dumbassery
hobi [9:57AM]
oh RIGHT
we are
drumroll please
seokjin [9:57AM]
*claps my asscheeks together at top speed*
hobi [9:57AM]
never fucking mind
N E WAYS
WE'RE TRYING TO GET JUNGKOOK AND YOONGI TO REALIZE THEYRE SOULMATES SO THEYLL STOP W THE CONSTIPATED PINING AND ACTUALLY DO SMTH W THEIR TRAGIC LOVE LIVES
yoonkook president [9:58AM]
THIS IS THE BEST IDEA EVER IM IN
i wanted me and jungkook,,,, as platonic soulmates,,,, as DUDEBROS,,,,, to find our soulmates NATURALLY
i wanted us to find who we truly LOVED, and only THEN could it be decided if, in fact, this man or woman (but man probably bc jungkook's the biggest panic gay i've ever known) is our PARTNER as DECIDED by the UNIVERSE ,,,, or if we are WILLING to leave our DESTINED LOVE BEHIND to BELIE with our SECRET PASSIONS
but at this point theyre getting too stupid so lets just mash their faces together and be done with it
namjoon [9:59AM]
well, that was anticlimactic
jimin [9:59AM]
why did mother universe stick me w u
yoonkook president [9:59AM]
bullies the lot of you
hobi [10:00AM]
SHUT UP AND LISTEN
ok we need a plan
namjoon [10:00AM]
hoseok, are you sure we should be doing this?
like the guy said, shouldn't they just find each other naturally and then we can tell them they're soulmates if they REALLY fall in love?
we need to let them follow their own hearts, even if it doesn't lead them to each other
also, i really don't think we should meddle, it's their love lives and that's an invasion of their privacy
hobi [10:00AM]
namjoon...
you're so right
namjoon [10:01AM]
...really?
hobi [10:01AM]
no that's the stupidest fuckin bullshit ive ever read
WE'RE MEDDLING
IDEAS????
jimin [10:01AM]
well we all know they already like each other
seokjin [10:01AM]
understatement of the century. yoongi's fucking whipped
jungkook could ask him to saw off one of his arms and he'd fuckin do it
jimin [10:01AM]
EXACTLY
so why don't we just yell YOU'RE SOULMATES, CONGRATS and BAM
hobi [10:02AM]
NO
we need to get them to know it themselves instead of just telling them
i've already told yoongi but he doesn't believe me
we need something BETTER
yoonkook president [10:02AM]
something better?????
WAIT
OH MY GOD
FUCKIN LIGHTBULB
hobi [10:03AM]
YES THANK GOD TAEHYUNG
WHAT IS IT
yoonkook president [10:03AM]
tell you guys later
right now
i need to go buy a FUCKIN MEGAPHONE
hobi [10:03AM]
a megaphone?????
WAIT
TAE OMG YOU FUCKING GENIUS
LET'S GET IT
seokjin [10:03AM]
FUCK YEAH GO TEAM
THAT'S MY SONS
namjoon [10:31AM]
...this isn't going to end well, is it?
.
to be continued.
.