Work Text:
Mobei Jun knew from Shang Qinghua’s friend that the boy was sent to the hospital in the middle of the night.
His friend said with displeasure, “Shang Qinghua has been sick for a long time if you pay attention to him.”
Lately, Shang Qinghua always wore a mask. He often turned away to cough and sometimes he suddenly ran to the toilet. Mobei Jun asked but all he got were unconvincing answers: ‘Only a cold’, ‘I’m allergic to weather changes.’, ‘I got wet in the rain.’ ‘It will get better.’
After an hour of forcing Shang Qinghua’s friend to tell the truth, that guy said Shang Qinghua suffered from ‘Hanahaki Disease’.
It made Mobei Jun dazed for a second. They all knew Hanahaki disease was a terrible illness which could cause suffering death if the flowers fully bloomed inside the lungs and the roots blocked that person’s respiratory system.
Things got worse when his friend said, “The one Shang Qinghua loved was you. You never know?”
Love?
But how could he know?...
He and Shang Qinghua were friends? No, not friends. He admitted they were closer than that. He was three years older and used to be Shang Qinghua’s senior in the university. Shang Qinghua acted like his minion, always volunteered to do this and that for him. In return, Mobei Jun looked after him, tutored him the difficult subjects until Mobei Jun graduated and started working. They were not living together in the dorm anymore but still kept in touch.
But what about this?
Shang Qinghua never expressed his... feelings?
No, not even once.
Mobei Jun had no right to blame Shang Qinghua. Since he never told Shang Qinghua he wanted to step up their relationship. He thought it was fine this way, just seeing each other once in a while.
Mobei Jun rushed out to the hospital, asked for information, then he got the news.
That kid already gave his consent for the surgery.
------------------------
Shang Qinghua’s surgery was successful. He was safe, having a long sleep by drug effect.
Mobei Jun stared at the boy’s pale face. He took a leave from his job until Shang Qinghua woke up. It took Shang Qinghua a week to open his eyes. Mobei Jun never left the bedside. Therefore, he was the first one who greeted Shang Qinghua.
“Awake?”
“Yes?” The kid looked confused, “Who are you? ”
“........”
“Wait, sorry, give me a second. I’m dizzy right now. Do we know each other?”
Mobei Jun frowned, “We do. Try harder.”
“Okay…. But… ”
This is the worst. Shang Qinghua could not recognize the man in front of him. Even though this good-looking face gave him a familiar atmosphere that almost made him outright crying. He could not remember anything about this man.
“What was wrong with me? Did I get into an accident?”
“Nothing. You are safe now.”
Mobei Jun rubbed the boy’s head. Shang Qinghua could feel the intimate action from him. But suddenly, he turned away and started coughing into his fist.
Shang Qinghua, “Hey, are you okay?!”
“I am.” Mobei Jun stood up and told the kid to get some rest. He will visit again.
Shang Qinghua nodded slowly.
After he left, Mobei Jun leaned his back against the door. He opened his palm and saw what’s inside.
It was a beautiful, blue flower petal.
-------------------------
“Mo-ge, you are back!”
“I’m back.”
“Look, Cucumbro visit me today. He brought me food. Here, I give you a share because I can’t finish them all, okay? They are tasty.”
“Did the doctor permit you to eat? ”
“Nope. I sneak on it.”
Shang Qinghua’s operation was successful. However he had no family or friends to look after him, so he stayed at the hospital. Mobei Jun didn’t object and gladly paid for the hospital charges.
“Mo-ge, really, what are you to me? I’m sorry my memories are muddy. I can’t even remember why I need to undergo the surgery. Was it asthma?”
“Something similar.”
“And did I call you Mo-ge before? ”
This kid called him Mo-ge (brother) since he paid the visit every day. Shang Qinghua hoped he was right. Unfortunately, he wasn’t.
“Dawang”, said Mobei Jun.
“Dawang? What? The great king?! That sounds like a period drama series. Ah hahaha. ” Shang Qinghua laughed so hard that he felt hurt by the surgery pain. Mobei Jun had to tell him to breathe.
Every day since Shang Qinghua awakened, the patient room was filled with their conversation. Albeit as the days passed by, the time Mobei Jun spent with Shang Qinghua was shorter and shorter. Mobei Jun often left in the middle of their talks. The signs of leaving started by his coughs. Sometimes They were severe, just like today.
“Mo-ge? … eh... Dawang? Do you need to see a doctor?”
“No”, said Mobei Jun. He stood up. “I’m leaving for today. I will come again.”
Today, Mobei Jun’s back looked so lonely that Shang Qinghua couldn’t bring himself to watch this guy leave like other times. An unreasonable emptiness ate up his heart. The boy unsteadily stood up without thinking, drew the IV tube with him, tried to walk to Mobei Jun.
“Wait! Don’t go—”
——!!
There was a crashing noise. The IV pole fell, dragging all the extensions, lines that hooked him with the monitor down. Shang Qinghua fell on Mobei Jun’s legs.
The patient room became messy. Mobei Jun was stunned by what this kid has done. Still, he helped Shang Qinghua connect all the lines to the monitor before the nurses arrived. In the end, they both sat on the floor. Mobei Jun frowned, glared at his boy.
He was going to say something, But before he could, the severe coughing that made him feel like his lungs were torn started again.
Shang Qinghua saw it clearly this time.
Blue petals were pouring from Mobei Jun's mouth.
“...................Mo-ge...you,”
Mobei Jun was silent.
Shang Qinghua was almost unable to speak. “You...are infected with Hanahaki Disease? ”
Again, no answer from Mobei Jun.
Everybody knows about the symptoms of this illness. The patients had two choices; cure it through surgical removal, or die suffering. Coughing was just the first stage. Once they reached the final stage, flowers bloomed inside their heart and lungs, they choke on their own blood along with petals and died.
Shang Qinghua grabbed Mobei Jun’s by his shirt collar with teary eyes.
“Mo-ge, listen, you need to get the treatment, the surgery! I heard about this disease before. You can’t let them grow inside you!...”
Mobei Jun watched Shang Qinghua kept repeating himself with sympathy.
Shang Qinghua was worried about him, even though this kid had no such feeling like 'love' anymore. All his memories and pain caused by love should have been removed from the day he undergo the surgery. Moreover, he told no one but that ‘Cucumbro’ friend about the disease. This boy was so good at hiding.
When Shang Qinghua knew that he was close to death, that he had no choice but to beg the doctor to remove all of his ‘love’ from this body, How did Shang Qinghua feel? Did he cry like today?
Shang Qinghua was suffered because of his one-sided love toward Mobei Jun for so long.
Even though Shang Qinghua couldn’t recognize him, couldn’t answer his feeling, this kid still cried because Mobei jun got infected.
It seemed like his existence was meant to hurt Shang Qinghua, one way or another.
“Enough…”, said Mobei Jun
“...Yes? ”
“Get some rest. I will be fine.”
Mobei Jun helped pulling the boy’s up and put him back to bed. When everything was in the right place, he pointed at the boy’s surgical scar.
“You said you couldn’t remember why you undergo the surgery? ”
Shang Qinghua nodded.
“It was Hanahaki Disease.” Mobei Jun spoke softly, and rubbed on Shang Qinghua’s messy hair. Shang Qinghua was confused, he could tell by looking at him. But the boy asked nothing more.
Mobei Jun left the patient room that night.
He never visit Shang Qinghua again.
--------------------------------
In a dark office, there was only dimmed light from laptops on two desks. Two salarymen were doing their best on OT.
“You took a long leave. Now you are paying for it.” Luo Binghe, his coworker, teased.
“I know.” Mobei Jun answered, drank his whole cup of coffee before typing a long e-mail.
“You are fully recovered? ”
“Yes.”
“How are you feeling? ”
“What? ”
“What's it like to feel nothing?”
Sometimes he thought Luo Binghe just wanted to get on his nerves.
When you feel nothing, it’s just nothing. How could it be anything else?
Months ago, Mobei Jun suffered from the first stage of Hanahaki Disease. He gave his consent to get surgical removal. It was his intention to speed up the treatment, unlike many people who kept it until the last stage. Therefore the result was satisfying. He came back after a short leave to clear up his backlog.
“I’m surprised, you know, someone like Mobei was suffered by one-sided love disease. What does she,...or he look? Is she too stuck up to notice you? Or she’s already taken?”
Mobei Jun answered honestly, “I don’t remember.”
“.............”
He carved all those flowers out.
That’s why he remembered nothing about his loved one.
Mobei Jun stretched himself, sent the last mail, then shut down his computer.
“Are you leaving? Why don’t you stay with me a bit longer?” Luo Binghe jested.
“No. I have an appointment.”
“OMG.”
This guy thought he was joking, but he couldn’t care less. Mobei Jun scanned his employee card for his time out, then he headed down to McDonald's under his office. -- At a small table in the corner of the restaurant, there was a person, patiently waited for him to show up.
After the surgery, He didn’t remember what happened. It was like some of his memories were distorted and gone. When he woke up, he saw a long-haired boy sitting by his side in his recovery room.
“I’m staying in the next room. I’m bored.” that boy told him.
“...Who are you? ”
“My name is Shang Qinghua”
They became friends. He heard that the kid also had a scar from Hanahaki Disease. This kid was almost recovered enough to be discharged from the hospital, so he came to talk to him to kill time. The nurses didn't forbid the boy, God only knew how the brat managed to bullshit them that he and Mobei Jun were friends.
Their scars were mostly healed. They lives went back to normal. Mobei Jun picked up his job while the kid resumed his college life.
The person at the table tilted his head. When he saw Mobei Jun, he smiled so brightly like he always did.
“Finally! You’re late, Mo-ge. Hurry up and teach me. I suck at this subject.”
“Hmm?” Mobei Jun gave a small smirk and walked towards him.
Mobei Jun remembered nothing about his last loved one.
But if he could carry on being with this kid, then it's more than enough.
(end)