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“I want to try out an activity of your liking, Sayo.”
It had been three months since Sayo confessed to Yukina and they started dating. It still felt a little surreal. Sayo had held feelings for their band leader for a considerable while now, maybe even since they first met, but for the longest time her heteronormative upbringing convinced her that those were just friendly admiration and nothing more. Those feelings became harder and harder to ignore when she found herself irritated whenever Lisa put a hand on Yukina or made her smile by offering cookies – Sayo went out of her way to beg Hazawa-san for intensive lessons just to make better cookies that would rival Lisa’s to earn Yukina’s praise. She became so transparent that even her sister, god forbid, came up to ask her straight in the face, “Oneechan likes Yukina-chan, right? Why don’t you just confess?” But how? What did she even want from Yukina anyway? Well…many things, admittedly, such as hugging her and kissing her and touching her in places – gaaaaah!! This was making her sound like a pervert! So, did Sayo just lust after Yukina? If she didn’t, how was that different from the friendship they already shared? Or maybe she was just an overly possessive friend like Lisa. Sayo still remembered how she rolled her eyes at Lisa dumping gifts of knits on Yukina last winter. She did not want to be a possessive friend, thank you very much.
She decided to confess anyway, if only so that Yukina would reject her and she could stop thinking about this. To her surprise, Yukina gave her a simple, “I do not really understand what dating entitles, but I do not mind trying if it’s you.” Eh? But why? It was such a rude question when Sayo was the one to confess. Yukina indulged her anyway. “I do not see why not. We are of like minds, so I know this would not interfere with our musical activities. And I do like you, Sayo. I always find it pleasant when we are together.”
So that was how it all started. The first few weeks, there were few noticeable differences. Well, Sayo was very self-aware of their new relationship and might’ve even kept a distance to Yukina because whenever they were in proximity, she couldn’t stop herself from blushing like an idiot. She eventually got used to it and they resumed their previous routines of practising together at the studio, sometimes visiting each other’s homes to work on compositions. One time, when they were walking home together, Yukina held onto Sayo’s hand, which surprised Sayo so much she might’ve jumped. Yukina asked her what was wrong, to which Sayo could just give an awkward smile and say it was nothing. Holding hands was definitely up there on the list of things Sayo had wanted to do but dared not to until now. It made her really happy that Yukina took the initiative to move their relationship along.
Sayo knew she had to do something in return. She tried to think of what Yukina would like to do. What did she like? Music? They had been playing music together all this time. Cats? She wondered if Yukina would be fine with Sayo following her to the park to feed the stray cats since Yukina seemed somewhat embarrassed about her hobby. But they were dating now. Sayo couldn’t always be so reserved. So, she pushed herself to ask, to which Yukina ended up acquiescing, and they spent a lovely afternoon playing with the cutesy fluff balls. Sure, they weren’t puppies, but Sayo liked kittens too…liked them very much, in fact.
It was at the end of that afternoon that Yukina brought up the suggestion of wanting to do an activity of Sayo’s liking, maybe as a token of appreciation for Sayo’s accommodation. Sayo asked if she could have some time to think about it, and now she was wracking her brains to find something she liked that Yukina would also enjoy doing. Visiting puppies seemed awfully uncreative. Doing archery was an option, but she didn’t know whether she could get the keys to their college’s range on a weekend, and if they were to do it on a weekday instead, they would not be afforded any privacy with the other club members also practising nearby. Besides, it had been well-established through multiple Roselia outings that Yukina had absolutely no talent in doing sports. Sayo didn’t want their date to end in Yukina slicing her own fingers open with the bowstring.
Camping, maybe? Back when Sayo had been in a good relationship with her sister as a child, their family often went camping together. Obviously during that little ice age she had with Hina, they stopped going – that and her father’s work had gotten increasingly busy. Lately, now that their sibling problems had been resolved, Sayo and Hina had picked up camping again and would occasionally go together. Sayo was used to arranging everything, from transportation to packing the gear to food prep; Hina could not be trusted with any of the above. Sayo had some confidence that she could plan something that would be enjoyable to Yukina too. At any rate, Yukina wasn’t the type to whine “Are we there yet?” the way Hina would on a train ride that exceeded ten minutes.
So Sayo passed the idea over to Yukina who accepted without complaint. Yukina asked if she needed to bring anything, but Sayo was happy enough to take care of everything. She texted Yukina to inform her which train station to meet at that weekend and the time. According to those directions, Yukina arrived punctually as always.
“Good morning, Mi-Yu…Yukina.”
“Good morning, Sayo.”
Yukina had an amused smile on her face, probably from the way Sayo still struggled to call her by given name instead of by surname as she had for the past two years. It wasn’t that Sayo had intentionally kept the formality between them. She had just gotten so used to it that it was hard to change the habit. Deep down, she had been quite happy that Yukina had asked her to change her way of address. It seemed like with this, they had come one step closer to each other.
Sayo held onto Yukina’s hand and led her down to the platform of their train. Yukina was wearing a pair of flannel pants and a simple button-up shirt today. Still considerably formal for an excursion in the wilderness, but should be comfortable enough to move in. Sayo had asked her to bring a thick jacket as it could still get pretty cold at night, which Yukina informed her was in the backpack she was carrying.
“Is this your first time camping?” Sayo asked.
“Yes. I am quite excited.” Yukina then gestured to what Sayo had strapped to her back. “You brought a guitar? An acoustic?”
“We will be going to a beginner-friendly campground with many facilities on site. I have already rented a yurt with running water and a firepit and all. It is closer to a hostel than a tent, really, so there isn’t much we have to bring. I figured if we were to bring anything, something to entertain ourselves with would be best.”
“Isn’t this kind of cheating?”
“Well, if you end up liking the experience, we can always take it up a level next time.”
“I will look forward to it,” Yukina said with a smile.
A short train ride took them to the campground some distance away from the city. Few houses stood in this area – the ones that did were of an older architectural style, detached units built of wood and roofed by blue tiles. The hills surrounding the campground were not very tall, dotted by clumps of vegetation with canopies that looked like giant broccoli. Lower down the forests were bamboo groves dangling down to a shallow lake. Few cherry trees were planted along the shore, stray petals raining onto the clear water surface.
Yukina seemed taken by the scene. She closed her eyes. Took a breath. Then reopened her eyes and just stared ahead.
“The scenery is beautiful, right?” Sayo asked.
“Un.” Yukina nodded.
Sayo, too, took a moment to appreciate the scenery. “We can rent a rowboat at the dock over there. The scenery might be even nicer on the lake.” She added.
“Let’s do it.”
They first checked in at the administration building on the campsite and received their keys for the yurt where they dropped off their belongings. Then they made it down to the dock. It was Yukina’s first time rowing and her first time putting on a life vest, so Sayo had to help her with that.
“It’s snug, isn’t it?” Yukina remarked.
“It would float up in the water and can pop out over your head if it’s not on tightly.”
“I see.”
Yukina patted the thick vest, prompting a giggle from Sayo. She gave Sayo an indignant stare. “Please don’t mind me,” Sayo said in response.
Sayo held the boat in place to let Yukina on first. It was a little precarious, as Yukina wasn’t the most dextrous and nearly tipped the boat. Thanks to Sayo’s arm strength, she managed to stabilize the boat, and after Yukina took her seat, she too got on the vessel.
Sayo taught Yukina the basics of rowing. They each operated an oar, one on each side of the vessel. They made the cherry tree on the other side of the small lake their goal and set off towards it. It took a while for them to move out of the dock – Yukina was still struggling with how to row in the right direction. Once they were in open waters, it was easier to move the boat. At least when they did move in circles, their vessel wasn’t hitting anything. The difference in their arm strengths caused the boat to swerve, and rather than heading towards the other side, they curved towards the right. Yukina noticed and apologized awkwardly.
“I am sorry. I am not so good at this.”
“It is no problem. If you are tired, we can just stop here?”
“I want to go a little further.”
Despite Yukina’s insistence, she really didn’t have much energy left, and after a few more rows just let the oar drop and she turned her head up to stare at the skies overhead.
“Maybe I should’ve planned a different activity instead?” Sayo muttered regretfully.
“No. I am having fun.”
“Eh?”
Yukina tilted her head back down so she could stare at Sayo. “This is difficult, but I am glad we tried it. There is so much I still don’t know. I would like to focus on music, but I have come to the realization that studying alone cannot bring me to the next level. Inspiration comes from all places. Without widening my view of this world, I cannot broaden the sound of my music and touch more hearts with it.”
“I see. Your vision is impressive as always, Yukina.”
“Likewise.”
They spent the next moments in silence. They might’ve moved in a different direction than previously planned, but the view was beautiful here too nonetheless. There was another cherry tree close by, the blossoms a lighter pink that appeared almost white. It dotted the azure skies, spreading a faint scent over the lake waters.
“I like it like this,” Yukina muttered.
“Calm and quiet?”
“Yes. I am not good with bright colours and the noise of crowds. It may sound strange, since I have no problems performing on-stage with loud music being played. It is…the dissonance, the chaos that I cannot stand. I like to focus. Places like this, where there is ample space, are comforting. It is as though I can fill the space with my feelings, my sound.”
Save the rustling of leaves and distant bird chirps, there was just the sound of their voices. Sayo was confident she could hear a pin drop. So, this was what Yukina meant by focus. The colours of nature were likewise easy to make sense of. Though a single petal could have a darker red stem that branched out and faded to a whiter body, the transition was gradual and…logical. There was a strange order in this world that needed not mankind’s intervention. Sayo slowly understood Yukina’s meaning.
The sun was setting, beautiful, but with it the temperature dropped and the wind no longer a gentle caress but carried a cold bite.
“Shall we head back?” Sayo asked. “We still have some time, so we can take it easy on the way back.”
“Alright.”
The scenery had changed, from blues and greens to pinks and golds. Light danced over the ripples made by their oars. Swoosh, drip, drip…the oars ripped through the waters and propelled them forward. It was an entrancing rhythm, like a song of its own. As though catching onto the metaphor, Yukina tried to row harder. The oar pounded the waters with a sharp splashing sound, creaking against the rowlock. Sayo, too, sped the rhythm and their vessel darted forth, cutting a line across the lake. By the time they got close to shore, Yukina lifted the oar in exhaustion. Sayo did the same, letting the momentum carry them the rest of the way. They drifted to the dock; Sayo angled the boat so they floated in sideways.
“Seems like you got the hang of rowing towards the end.” Sayo praised.
“It’s only expected. I tried my best.”
There was something genuine about Yukina’s smile that made Sayo relieved. She had been worried Yukina wasn’t enjoying their trip thus far – this dissipated the worries. Sayo helped Yukina onto the dock.
“Thank you for the hand,” Yukina accepted Sayo’s hand and allowed herself to be pulled onto the wooden platform.
“Tired?”
“Very much so,” she said with a heavy exhale, “and hungry.”
“Well, let’s head back to our yurt and get our fire started so we can cook something.”
They trekked back to the campsite and reached it as the last light of dusk started waning away. It was quiet there too. It was still early in the camping season so there were few who wanted to brave the remnants of winter cold that sometimes crept into spring nights. It was nice in its own way though – they had plenty of privacy and could enjoy the wilderness at their own pace without too many distractions. Sayo got started on the fire in their stone-lined pit. She showed Yukina how to make a mini raft from logs to contain the newspaper Sayo had brought along as a firestarter, setting kindling loosely atop that. Sayo lighted a match, slipped it under the newspaper to ignite it, then blew gently to feed oxygen to the fire and help it light up the kindling. Larger twigs were then added slowly, almost like a teepee, and once the fire was large and hot enough, larger pieces of wood were added, always ensuring enough space between the fuel for air to circulate and keep the fire going.
“The fire is hotter than I expected,” Yukina remarked.
“It is. And it does get pretty dry.” Sayo dug through her pack for a tube of moisturizing lotion which she handed to Yukina. “Might want to put some on before your skin gets uncomfortable.”
Now that the fire was going, Sayo filled her pot with drinking water available from their yurt and put it in the ashes by the side of the fire.
“Is this part of the cheating?” Yukina asked.
“Better treated tap water than creek water for our first camping trip. We definitely won’t get sick from this,” Sayo answered with a laugh.
The pot boiled soon enough and Sayo poured the water into their cup noodles. Sure, their meal was a little too processed for a true wilderness experience, but it was lightweight to bring and simple to make. Yukina wasn’t complaining. She seemed to like the curry ramen well enough.
After the meal, as Sayo was about to take out her guitar to play something for fun, which in reflection was quite some character development seeing as two years ago she had seen the guitar as a necessity rather than a hobby, Yukina left the vicinity to use the washroom in the admin building. It should’ve been a short break, except she disappeared for half an hour, leaving Sayo extremely worried. She did claim the tap water wouldn’t make them sick, and it had been boiled in Sayo’s pot too. But what if…what if a stomach virus still slipped its way into Yukina’s cup noodles somehow and that was why she had gone for so long? Sayo knew she was being a worrywart, but she couldn’t stop herself from getting up and heading over to the admin building to check if Yukina was okay. When she didn’t find Yukina there, the worries worsened.
Where was Yukina? Did she get kidnapped? Or did a wild animal get to her? No, that would be unlikely. This wasn’t a survival video on Youtube shot in the remote forests halfway across the world. There weren’t wolves or jaguars in Japan. Given Yukina’s clumsiness, it was more likely that she somehow got lost.
Sayo tried to calm herself and approach this more methodically. There was only one path that went around the entire campground. Yukina probably just walked in the wrong direction. Sayo hurried her steps along the path that winded uphill to a viewing point the looked over the nearest city. To Sayo’s relief, she found Yukina there.
“Sayo,” Yukina called her name, sounding glad. “I was lost.”
Sayo gave a knowing smile. “I figured. You wandered here by chance?”
“No. It took me here.”
Upon approach, Sayo noticed a small animal by Yukina’s side. Yukina picked it up, eliciting a lazy meow.
“A cat?”
“Un. I found it when I was lost. I thought it would lead me back to the campground but this is where I ended up.”
Sayo chuckled a little. Only Yukina would trust a wild cat to bring her home. Perhaps noticing the helplessness in Sayo’s laughter, Yukina looked down a little in what seemed like an apologetic gesture. “Sorry to have worried you, Sayo. I should’ve been more diligent.”
“It is not your fault.” Sayo shook her head. “It’s probably on me. I worry too much. Because…well…I used to believe nothing good would ever happen to me. I’m not as talented as Hina. I’m always number two in everything. And anything I’ve ever looked forward to, it would be taken away from me. If I looked forward to going to the summer festival, it’d rain that day. So, I know it’s stupid to think this, but…today seems almost too good to be true.”
Sayo didn’t know what she was saying. She shut her mouth and felt her face heat up from embarrassment and nervousness. She was such an idiot. What did she expect Yukina to say? Console her worthlessness?
Yukina didn’t address Sayo right away. She took two steps to their side to where a railing lined the edge of the cliff. She leaned on it and gestured to the thousands of lights seen far below, twinkling like a manmade Milky Way.
“Beautiful isn’t it?”
Before Sayo could answer, the cat gave a satisfied “nyaaan” while stretching a paw out at the distance. Sayo reached to pet the cat. “Guess we are in agreement.” The cat wasn’t so agreeable though, flattening its ears and baring its teeth at Sayo with a growl. She supposed a feral cat wouldn’t just trust anybody. It probably only let Yukina handle it because Yukina herself was so cat-like.
“Cats like high places. I like high places too,” Yukina said. “There is something reassuring about being able to see everything in one place.”
“Reassuring?”
“Yes. I said earlier I do not like dissonance and chaos. Swimming in all that makes you seem so small. But when you’re above all that like we’re doing now, you seem to get some power back. It is the same city, but a change of perspective changes your feelings towards it.”
Sayo thought about it, then she came to an understanding. Yukina smiled and continued. “That’s right. It’s inevitable that you would feel inadequate when comparing yourself to Hina. She is a genius after all. And having always lived with that comparison, even coincidences seem to give proof that you are especially unlucky, that nothing good will ever come to you. But I don’t think those feelings of yours are a product of weakness. They are natural. You just need a change in perspective. The world is bigger than Hina, and even if you must compare yourself to her, you are not alone.”
Yukina’s smile widened almost to a grin. “Roselia won’t lose to Pasupare. I won’t let that happen.”
Yukina’s confidence struck something in Sayo’s heart. A surge of adrenaline urged Sayo to close the single-step distance between them and press her lips against Yukina’s. In her surprise Yukina dropped the cat. It landed fine but might’ve turned around and scratched Sayo’s pants in jealousy. Sayo didn’t really feel it though. As Yukina relaxed to her embrace, she pressed harder, held tighter. At long last they parted, Yukina touching a finger to her lips while Sayo’s face burned in realization of what she had just done.
“I…I am sorry,” Sayo stuttered. They had been dating for a while, but this was the first time they had kissed. Sayo had imagined it to be a bit more…romantic, instead of this clumsy mess she did on a whim.
“I liked it.”
“Eh?”
“You know what I just said, Sayo. I am not saying it again.”
And this time, Yukina was the one who pulled Sayo down for a kiss. It was deep and passionate. Sayo could feel Yukina’s burning feelings. A small part of her still refused to believe this was happening, rejected the notion that someone like Yukina, someone Sayo nearly idolized, could love a failure like her. That part of Sayo struggled to find a reason for her to be loved. What did she have that Yukina would want? But the more rational part of Sayo won out, putting the self-hate behind. She would always live with this insecurity, but she should not let it consume her. She might not fully understand Yukina’s feelings at this moment. That was okay. She could accept them without full comprehension, knowing as they walked forward together, Sayo would one day find her answer.
…………
The Monday after, Roselia returned to practice. When Ako pushed open the studio door, she was surprised to be greeted by a meow. Wait, Yukina-san didn’t pick up a pack of kittens again, did she? Well, turns out it wasn’t a full clowder - just a single one. It was a silver cat with a black marking at the base of its left ear. Was it just Ako, or the cat bore some resemblance to Yukina-san wearing her black butterfly ornament?
“Good morning!” Ako greeted, lowering herself down to the level of the cat, “Art thou the Bringer of Darkness, the Child of Hades, your magic so powerful it shakes the ground upon which you…err…tread?”
When she reached forward to pet the cat, it hissed and stalked off behind Yukina. Lisa chuckled.
“That’s Yukina’s new cat alright. The name is Buyo.”
Buyo did not seem friendly with Lisa either. It just sat there and glared at the redhead.
“Eh? I thought you said Yukina-san isn’t allowed to have cats because after the one she had in childhood passed away she cried for half a year and sulked under a table, refusing to eat dinner?”
“Lisa!” Yukina snapped at her friend. Clearly the fact that Lisa had been broadcasting Yukina’s childhood stories to everybody else was news to her.
Lisa just shrugged. “Hey, I had to explain your cat obsession somehow.” She turned back to Ako, “As for Buyo, it followed Yukina and Sayo back from their camping trip on the weekend. Like, they took a train back, but somehow the cat turned up this morning having tracked them across the prefecture…”
“It’s five stations away, Imai-san. Please do not exaggerate,” Sayo couldn’t help but rebuke.
“Whatever, Sayo. My point still stands that it’s a pretty insistent cat and any normal person wouldn’t have the heart to turn it away.”
“How was the trip, Yukina-san?” Rinko joined the conversation with a softly-spoken question. Ako jumped at the opportunity to know more about her idol.
“Oh, oh, did Yukina-san find the entrance to the underworld through the volcanic lake of…of…”
“Avernus, Ako-chan.”
“Isn’t that in Naples?” Sayo couldn’t help herself again.
“They found a whole lot of mosquitoes,” Lisa said with a sly smile, eyeing Sayo’s neck. Sayo seemed confused at first, then slapped her hands over the red marks, her face burning.
“Stop the chit-chatting, Imai-san! We are practising!”
Lisa laughed evilly. Who told Sayo to rebuke her Tale of Buyo? Revenge sure was sweet, even if it was a little petty.