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A timid knock sounded at the door of Anne’s study. She’d already scolded Mrs Cordingley for disturbing her three times within in the past twenty minutes or so, however upon hearing a carriage pull up outside, Anne assumed the person knocking on her door was either her sister or her wife. Both of whom had ventured into Halifax earlier that morning.
Marian had mentioned during dinner the night before, that she was to head into Halifax - today - in order to pick up some new fabrics, which had led to Ann asking if Marian wouldn’t mind some company, as she too intended to head into Halifax to pick out some new paint supplies.
Knowing that they got along so well, truly meant the world to Anne. Not that she’d ever admit that aloud, for fear Marian think that Anne regarded her as anything other than a pain in her behind. She didn’t need her sister thinking she was going “soft”. Not when comments had already been made over the past three days, since she and Miss “Walker” had returned from York, from seeing Dr. Belcombe. From getting married… not that anyone besides the two of them were aware of that fact.
Captain Lister had almost choked on his soup after Miss Walker had gently admonished Anne, during dinner, the night of their return to Shibden. Anne and Marian had been squabbling over anything and everything, as per usual, and all it had taken was one look from Ann which had her wife apologising to her sister, albeit reluctantly. Aunt Anne had smiled gratefully at the young woman, before shooting an impressed smile toward her eldest niece.
Anne hadn’t heard the end of it since then, Aunt Anne was constantly teasing her, all in good fun, of course, about how much she’d mellowed since settling down with Miss Walker as her companion. Despite it being very early days indeed, it seemed as though Miss Walker had won over Anne’s family as well as the staff, just as quickly. Ann’s sweet and gentle nature a stark contrast to Anne’s bold and what can only be perceived as abrasive manner. It was a welcome difference, Anne thought to herself, they balanced each other out perfectly, even if she did say so herself.
Whilst she and Miss Walker were in York, celebrating their union in private within the confines of their hotel room… multiple times… Ann had made it very clear that there would be no time for Anne to check her watch or write in her journal. The implication that she’d be otherwise occupied was enough enticement for Anne to agree to fill in her journal once they returned to Shibden.
Which is what she’d been trying to do over the past few days, but it seemed the mere memory of their wedding night - and those that followed - had Anne almost in a constant daze. Any opportunity her mind took it upon itself to remind her of how Ann’s fingers had threaded through her hair, pulling just so, or massaging her scalp as she drifted to sleep, or the sinful sounds that had escaped her wife’s lips whilst she ravished her thoroughly. Each memory triggering a jolt of arousal in her, each one causing a flush to colour her cheeks.
Ann was addicting. That was the conclusion Anne had come to. The taste of her, the feel of her, hell, just one look in her eyes made Anne’s knees go weak. It startled her quite honestly, how much of a hold Miss Walker had on her. But then she’d remember that day on the hill by the coal pit. The very day her eyes lay upon Ann’s face once again, after far too long apart. Anne knew she wouldn’t have it any other way. Not when she finally got to hear the words she’d been waiting for her whole life for. The woman she loved, promising not to hurt her, vowing to take the sacrament and swearing to take oaths on the bible. Accepting her proposal of matrimony.
To Anne’s surprise though, it was Hemingway at the door of her study, smiling apologetically as she peered around the door.
“Terribly sorry to disturb you, Ma’am.” the young woman winced slightly, as if anticipating a verbal slashing.
Anne signed deeply, sitting back in the chair as she placed the pen back in the inkwell.
“Clearly, I’m not going to get a moment of peace to myself at all today.” she mumbled, pinching the bridge of her nose.
“I am sorry—” Hemingway began, but was cut off.
“What is it?” Anne asked, distractedly as she closed her journal.
“Mrs Lawton is downstairs.” the woman spoke with a caution to her tone.
At the mention of that name, all sense of impatience disappeared, as a new sense of dread settled in the pit of her stomach.
“Mrs Lawton?” Anne asked, she needed to clarify that she did in fact hear the servant correctly.
“Yes, Ma’am. She mentioned you not expecting her arrival… and well, Mrs Cordingley is keeping her distracted downstairs, in case you don’t want... visitors… Ma’am.” Hemingway stuttered, shuffling awkwardly in the doorway.
Never in all the years she’d known Elizabeth Cordingley, had she felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the woman. She was aware of her former lady’s maid’s knowledge of her visits with female friends. Especially that of Mrs Lawton. However, Anne hadn't had any correspondence from Mariana since their disagreement in London, just before Anne had left early for Paris, before Anne had married Miss Walker.
The reality of the situation caused the sinking feeling in her stomach to intensify.
Hemingway noticed Miss Lister shift uncomfortably in her seat, and glanced over her shoulder behind her as she heard footsteps approaching.
The panicked look on the servants face said it all, and Anne snapped out of her thoughts.
“Keep Mrs Lawton downstairs, I’ll see her in the hall. I need to finish something but I’ll be right down. Thank you, Hemingway.” Anne ordered, nodding authoritatively.
“And pass along my thanks to Cordingley too. I’ll apologise to her later for being rude to her earlier.” Anne added, just as the young woman turned to leave.
“Yes, Ma’am.” Hemingway shut the door behind her and approached the stairs.
When she reached the top of the stairs, she found Mrs Lawton lingering on the staircase.
“Can I help you, Mrs Lawton?” Hemingway asked politely.
“No thank you, I know the way to Miss Lister’s room.” Mariana had smirked and made a move to go around the servant, only to be stopped by Hemingway taking a step directly in front of her.
“Actually, Miss Lister would like to see you in the hall downstairs instead.” she took satisfaction in seeing Mrs Lawton’s smile disappear.
“I beg your pardon?” Mariana huffed a laugh of disbelief.
“Miss Lister has informed me that she would prefer to meet with you in the hall. Downstairs.” Hemingway quite literally glanced over Mrs Lawton’s shoulder, before reaching her gaze once more.
Mariana’s gaze narrowed as she stared the servant down. The cheek of her, she thought.
Not moments later Anne was bustling out of the study and toward the top of the stairs.
“Mariana, did Hemingway not tell you to meet me in the hall?” Anne asked innocently, she’d overheard the poor young woman trying to coax Mariana back down the stairs, and upon hearing no improvement decided to take matters into her own hands.
Mariana’s attention fell on Anne then as she shrugged.
“No, they didn’t tell me. Otherwise I would’ve waited downstairs.” she lied smoothly, or so she thought.
Anne rolled her eyes and gave a sympathetic pat on the back to Hemingway, before brushing past them both and hurrying down the stairs.
“Well, tick tock, I don’t have all day.” the clap of her hands echoed as she made her way into the hall, with Mariana on her heel.
Anne turned abruptly to face Mariana, checking her watch as she did so.
“So, to what do I owe the pleasure?” she asked distractedly.
“That’s it?” Mariana scoffed in disbelief, “No, ‘how are you?’ or ‘how have you been?’, just…” she trailed off into silence.
Anne placed the watch in her pocket and sighed impatiently, “Alright, how are you Mary? How have you been?” her tone was bordering condescending as she fidgeted.
Mariana nodded and bit the inside of her cheek before speaking, “Okay, I guess I deserve that after the way things were left in London.”
Anne scoffed at that, shaking her head at the ignorance of it all.
“Why are you here?” Anne wondered aloud.
“To apologise—” Mariana began but was cut off.
“You couldn’t have written? It’s been, how long since?” Anne’s patience was wearing dangerously thin now, if her tone was anything to go by.
“First of all, I didn’t want to write it in a letter.” Mariana took a step closer to Anne, her hand coming up to smooth the front of her vest, “You know how well we make up in person.” she whispered, eyes settling on Anne’s.
In that moment, Anne felt like she was suffocating. Not too gently she took a step backward, away from the brunette whose hands were frozen mid-air from where they’d been resting on her chest.
“Yes, well… the time for… that… is over.” she practically spat the word, the slight shudder wasn’t unnoticed by Mariana either.
Anne could practically feel the brunette’s scrutinising gaze on her and after taking a steadying breath, met Mariana with a fixed stare.
“Freddie, come on…” the brunette stepped closer, only drawing Anne backward once more, the look of hurt taking over Mariana’s features.
Despite the pain Anne still harboured over their previous encounter, Anne wasn’t cruel. She wasn’t going to make Mariana leave and head back home to Charles. The journey was too long to make before nightfall. Mariana was still her friend after all, despite everything. So, in true Anne fashion, she talked herself into an impossible situation. Letting her ex stay the night in the guest room whilst her wife slept curled into her side.
“I’ll have the guest bedroom made up for you, and you can stay for breakfast tomorrow before heading home.” Anne spoke somewhat defeatedly.
Mariana took this as more than the olive branch it was, if her advances were anything to go by.
“Is the guest room really necessary? Come on, Freddie…” she tried to weasel her way past Anne’s clear defences.
Before anything more could be said between the two, the front door opened and in came Marian and Ann. The sounds of their laughter bouncing off the walls of Shibden, a welcome change from the hushed bickering of Anne and Mariana mere moments before.
Anne took another step back, making the space between herself and the brunette temptress, clear. She didn’t want Ann getting any made-up scenarios in her head, at the sight of Mariana standing in their hallway.
To Anne’s surprise though, Miss Walker just beamed as she turned the corner and caught sight of her wife.
All thoughts left Anne, but thoughts of love as she watched Ann walk towards her, positively glowing with a bashful smile on her face caused by Anne’s obvious gawking.
Ann reached up onto her tiptoes slightly, to press a chaste kiss to Anne’s cheek before turning her attention to their guest.
“Hello.” Ann greeted the brunette politely, leaning into her wife’s side.
Mariana watched the scene unfold before her, mouth slightly open as her brain put two and two together.
Ann glanced up at her wife and giggled as she nudged her, waiting for Anne to introduce her to the woman standing before them.
“Ann, this is Mrs Lawton. Mariana. Dr. Belcombe’s sister. My friend.” Anne stuttered out, her eyes fixed on Ann’s face.
Miss Walker surprised her yet again, by offering her hand for Mariana to shake.
“It’s lovely to meet you, Mrs Lawton.” her smile was warm and genuine, and it made Mariana’s head spin slightly.
Anne couldn’t stop herself from placing an arm around Ann’s waist and squeezing gently, before turning to Mariana and smiling contentedly, for what truly felt like the first time in years. Well, in the presence of the brunette, that is.
“You must be Miss Walker… of Crow Nest.” Mariana finally managed to speak, she cleared her throat before plastering on a smile.
The awkward silence that ensued was deafening, until Marian entered the hall.
“Oh, Mrs Lawton, what a lovely surprise!” Marian greeted the brunette, “I didn’t know you were visiting?”
Anne knew exactly what her sister was up to and although she was loathe to admit it, she did find Mariana squirming as she searched for an answer, a sight to behold.
“I—It wasn’t planned. I was just nearby. On my way to visit Steph actually, yeah.” Mariana stammered, before the thought of her brother popped into her head.
“Oh, I thought he worked in York.” Marian mused aloud.
“He does, but I couldn’t very well drive past ‘shabby little Shibden’ and not pay a visit now, could I?” the brunette laughed, trying to ease the tension in the room.
Anne winced at the mention of Shibden being shabby, Ann frowned and Marian’s friendly smile faltered ever so slightly.
“Well, I for one would not call it, 'shabby'.” Ann broke the awkward silence, and tried to get the smile back on Marian’s face.
“Cosy? Maybe. Homely.” she said instinctively rubbing her thumb at the base of Anne’s spine, in a soothing matter.
“Homely?” Mariana chuckled to herself, “You speak as if you live here yourself Miss Walker.”
Marian’s brow furrowed, she seemed unable to find the humour in the matter.
“She does.” Marian scoffed and shook her head, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
“Anyway, I must go and put these away and then check on Aunt Anne. It was lovely to see you again.” Marian hastily made her exit, although Anne suspected her sister’s well wishes toward the brunette were as false as they sounded.
Ann pressed a giggle into her wife’s shoulder as Marian shuffled past them all in a comical way, to make her way up the stairs.
At the sound of Mariana once again clearing her throat, both sets of eyes returned to her.
“In that case, are you settling in well?” Mariana’s question was directed at Miss Walker, but her gaze was firmly fixed Anne.
“Yes, very well indeed.” Miss Walker’s implication was not lost on the brunette.
Mariana watched as Anne’s cheeks flushed crimson and Anne bit her lip to stifle a grin.
Seeing Anne so giddy caused Mariana’s stomach to turn. Jealousy burning through her veins with a vicious rage.
“I hear you visit my brother from time to time?” Mariana asked innocently enough.
Anne’s eyes shot to the brunette then, she knew what usually followed after Mariana uses that tone.
“Hmm?” Ann’s brow furrowed, what had that got to do with anything?
“I just wondered if you were all better now? Steph tends to only take on patients if they’re very… unwell.” Mariana pointed toward her temple, the apologetic smile on her face causing Anne’s blood to boil.
Before Anne could get a word out though, Ann soothed her into silence by rubbing her hand up and down her back slowly.
“I’m doing much better now, thank you.” Ann replied neutrally. She knew the brunette was trying to get a reaction out of her, but she refused to rise to it.
“I must say, your brother has helped me a great deal. I’d argue he's the best in his field.” she added sincerely.
Kindness just oozes out of her, Mariana thought to herself agitatedly.
“I shall have to pass along your words of praise to him next time I see him.” Mariana smiled painfully at the young woman draping herself all over her Freddie.
“I would imagine that would be soon though, no? You are on your way to visit him, aren’t you?” Ann took small pleasure in seeing the defeat in Mariana’s face.
“Yes. Yes of course.” the brunette agreed stoically, her gaze lingering on Anne.
“Right, well I’ll have Cordingley get the guest room ready for you once she’s finished cooking dinner.” Anne offered, the unspoken offer however, being that Mariana could leave and stay the night in a hotel in Halifax.
“Right. Yes, of course. Thank you.” Mariana accepted with a brief smile.
Anne had received a frantic visit from Mr Washington regarding the pit, and although she couldn't think of anything worse than having Miss Walker alone with Mariana, she’d decided to trust her gut and go with Washington. Not before Ann had assured her profusely though, that she’d be absolutely well and truly fine in the presence of Mrs Lawton, and that if circumstances arose where she were to become uncomfortable, then she’d seek out Marian for company instead or retire to their room to do some painting.
Ann was on her way to the necessary when she passed her wife’s study, and was shocked to find Mariana standing by her wife’s desk, reading her wife’s journal.
Instead of outright questioning Mrs Lawton for why she was in this particular room, Ann took a moment to read the woman. Her body language, her facial expression. Granted, this situation was not normal, not in the slightest, but besides the slight tinge of annoyance, Ann simply felt sorry for the woman. Not in a condescending way, but in a legitimate way.
Mariana caught a flicker of movement in the corner of her eye, she glanced to find Miss Walker leaning in the doorway.
“Are you not going to ask why I’m in here?” she asked, sniffling.
Ann couldn’t see any tears on Mrs Lawton’s face, but from hearing her hoarse throat, she could tell the brunette had been crying.
“Would you tell me even if I were to ask?” Ann asked gently, tilting her head slightly.
Mariana huffed a laugh before staring out the window.
“You’re funny too.” Mariana mumbled, but Ann just about made out what she’d said and she came to sit on the chair opposite the desk itself.
“I’m not upset that you’re here, you know.” Ann said softly, drawing the brunette’s attention.
Mariana scrutinised the young woman sat before her.
“She’ll get bored of you, you know. I wouldn’t take it personally. She does with everyone.” Mariana said simply, scanning every inch of Miss Walker’s face for some kind of reaction.
“Everyone but you, I presume?” Ann wondered aloud.
“She always comes back to me.” the words left Mariana more like a plea than a statement. Almost as if she were wishing those words would ring true, just once more.
Ann nodded as she let the words sink in.
“You know, I’d be feeling how you’re feeling right now.” Ann said biting her lip, before adding, “Probably more so, if I were in your shoes.”
Mariana’s gaze narrowed at her, but before she could utter a word, Ann continued.
“She’s quite something.” Ann smiled as she thought of her wife, and when she received no reply in return from the brunette, she carried on.
“I know you two have a history.” she began, but was cut off abruptly from Mrs Lawton scoffing.
“Do you now?” Mariana asked in disbelief, facing the window again to gain control over her less than ladylike facial expressions.
“Look, I don’t know what kind of reaction you’re trying to get out of me, but it’s not going to happen.” Ann sighed, her irritation showing every so slightly.
“A reaction? From you? This has nothing to do with you!” Mariana burst, “You’re just something silly little play-thing she’ll tire of soon enough” she spat, “and you’re more naive than you think if you don’t believe that.” the brunette finished her outburst.
Ann took in the stance of the woman standing before her, the brunette had a hand on her waist and one scratching through her hair as she paced back and forth in front of the window, huffing every now and again in disbelief.
“I don’t know, you tell me… seeing as you’ve known her longer…” Ann continued when Mariana glared over at her, “You’re telling me, that you seriously think that she’d ask a ‘silly little plaything’ to marry her?” Ann wondered, watching the brunette.
Unbeknownst to both women standing in her study, Anne Lister was standing just outside the doorway, listening to every single word. The moment she’d heard Mariana shouting, she took the stairs two at a time, dread settling in the pit of her stomach, until she heard her wife’s calming voice.
Anne knew Mariana was actively trying to hurt her wife and the thought broke her heart a little. Anne had been devastated when the brunette had married Charles, but she had only ever wanted her to be happy. So why couldn’t Mariana want the same for her? She’d thought as a great sadness overcame her.
“Y-you’re married?” Anne snapped out of it when she heard Mariana’s question.
“Y-you’re married?” the words had lost all their venom and instead were replaced with surprise.
Ann held her hand up, the last of the day’s light shining through the window, glinted off of the ring adorning her finger.
In that moment, all sense of bravado and all the anger seemed to have dissipated from Mariana.
Ann watched as the brunette sagged in defeat.
“I told her that she’d never find a woman to marry in this lifetime.” Mariana mused aloud, her gaze unfocused as she slumped into Anne’s desk chair. Seemingly lost in her memories.
When the brunette made no move to speak again, Ann took this as her chance to make what amends she could.
“She didn’t tell me all of what happened in London between you two, but I know enough to be able to say confidently that she will forgive you. It might take time, and I know you don’t need me saying this because you know her, and have done for far longer than I, but… I do hope you can still be friends.” Ann glanced up from her fidgeting hands to find Mariana looking at her strangely.
“You would let us just carry on being friends? After everything that’s passed between she and I?” the brunette asked confused.
Ann took a moment to gather her thoughts, so she’d word what it is exactly that she wanted to say, right.
“Anne doesn’t let many people see the real her. Underneath all the facade…” Ann stroked the ring on her finger as she thought of her wife.
“All I want is for her to be happy.” a smile adorned Ann’s face, she spoke the words as if they were the most simple and true words to ever be spoken from her lips, “And I know that your friendship means a great deal to her. What kind of person would I be to cause her such unhappiness, if I were to forbid you from communicating with one another, either by written correspondence or otherwise?” she said straightforwardly.
Miss Walker’s words rang true deep inside the Mariana. She only wanted Freddie to be happy too. Even though it’s not with herself, the way she’d always imagined it would be, she couldn’t deny Anne this.
Mariana took a deep breath in and sighed before surprising Ann with a sight laugh.
“God, she’s a pain in the arse.” the brunette huffed a laugh, rousing a smile out of Ann.
“In London, I told her that I didn’t think a woman like you existed in this lifetime. Someone who would be willing to ignore the snide remarks and disregard all bigotry from society completely, from those who have always thrown their intolerance at her, just for being authentic to who she is.” the brunette spoke sadly now, almost apologetically as she continued.
“I told her that you could never love her like I could. And I was right… in a way.” Mariana fell silent briefly, as she let her thoughts spill from her lips. Probably the most true she’d ever been with a - somewhat - stranger was in this very moment.
“I couldn’t marry her. I don’t think I ever could.” a tear slipped from Mariana’s eye as she spoke the words that had made her restless most nights after Anne’s visits throughout the year.
“It broke a part of me every time to watch her heart break, again and again… I love her, of course I love her. It’s just… I’m not strong enough to stand by her side as anything more than a friend.” Mariana blinked a few tears as she let the words settle in.
Anne felt a tear fall and closed her eyes, she’d needed to hear those words from Mariana, for a long time now. Whether directed to her or not, she needed to heard them. After tears and years of being strung along endlessly, and being placated with the promise of someday, in her heart of hearts, Anne had always known it wasn’t ever going to happen.
“I’m sorry for what I said before.” Mariana apologised scrubbing a hand over her face, annoyed with herself.
“You didn’t deserve that. And it’s not even true. You’re far from a silly little play-thing, or naive for that matter. Honestly, all Anne could talk about in London was ‘Miss Walker’ this and ‘Miss Walker’ that. It was terribly annoying.” the brunette smirked, causing Ann to blush at the thought of Anne talking about her so much, especially after how they themselves had parted ways.
Mariana noticed a shadow just outside the door and recognised Anne’s distinctive hairstyle from the shadow cast on the wall.
“You make her very happy.” Mrs Lawton added sincerely, a look akin to gratefulness shining in her eyes.
“That’s all I want. To make her happy.” Ann admitted, a sheepish smile on her face, unawares of her wife’s presence just outside the room.
“Well you do. And I’m glad it’s you.” Mariana winked at her, before nodding toward the door to the room.
Ann turned slightly to see the distinct shadow of her wife on the wall, not-so-subtly indicating that Anne was stood outside, no doubt listening in on what they were discussing.
“At least someone can keep her in line.” Mariana raised her voice slightly, just enough for Anne to be able to hear just outside the door.
Not a moment later, Anne peered in the doorway sheepish look on her face as she found both Mariana and her wife staring at her amusedly.
“Well, how are we all?” Anne asked awkwardly, tripping over her own foot to enter the room, causing both women to roll their eyes fondly at her. A laugh falling from Mariana's lips.
Anne had smudges of black crisscrossed on her cheeks and forehead, a clear sign that she’d been hands-on down in the pit for god only knows how long.
Ann stood up and offered the seat to her wife, all but pushing Anne into it as she leant against the back of it, idly picking dirt out of her wife’s hair.
Anne looked at Mariana expectantly, she didn’t have a question she wanted to ask, as such, but she just needed something. An indication that they were going to be okay.
“Looks like you found your woman, Fred.” Mariana smiled, nodding imperceptibly, giving Anne the blessing - of sorts - she'd wanted and also the silent promise that things were going to be okay between them.
‘Thank you.’ Anne mouthed to the brunette sat across from her.
Mariana took that as her cue to leave, she left the room with a knowing smile and headed toward the guest bedroom in order to wash up before dinner.
Anne reached up to hold her wife’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, before she gazed up adoringly at Ann.
“Thank you.” she whispered as a traitorous tear fell down her cheek.
Ann caressed her cheek softly with her free hand, swiping the tear away.
“I love you.” Anne kissed the words into the inside of Ann’s wrist, her eyes closing involuntarily as she did the same with the other hand.
“I love you too.” Ann bit her lip to stifle a grin, it didn’t work though, as the blonde tilted her head down to capture Anne’s lips in a kiss, Anne could feel her wife’s smile on her lips.
The only thought going through her head, was that she hoped to remember this feeling forever. The feeling of Ann’s smile on her lips.