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“Calm down. You’re acting like we weren’t over at Andi’s house just yesterday,” Buffy teased. Cyrus was practically skipping beside on the sidewalk as they made their way towards Andi’s.
“Yes, but yesterday wasn’t the end of the school year party at her house,” Cyrus pointed out. “It was just the three of us. Jonah wasn’t there, or Marty.”
“Or TJ,” Buffy added, making Cyrus blush a little, though his smile only brightened.
“Him too,” Cyrus agreed, though his smile fell a little as he looked towards Andi’s house. “You don’t think he’ll invite Kira, do you?”
“I don’t think he’ll be hanging around Kira again any time soon,” Buffy said with all the confidence Cyrus had come to expect from his friends. Still, he had his doubts, and the expression on his face conveyed them perfectly, making Buffy sigh over dramatically as she grabbed his arm, tugging him along the sidewalk to Andi’s front door. “I mean it. I might’ve talked to TJ after the basketball game last week.”
“You did what?” Cyrus froze, eyes wide. “Why would you do that? I don’t want to come between him and Kira. You shouldn’t either. It’s fine. I’m happy for him, I mean it. You shouldn’t have said anything. What did you say? Why did you even say anyth—”
“Breathe,” Buffy cut him off sharply, shaking his shoulder a little as she finally got him to remember that he needed to stop talking long enough to take a breath. “All I told him was that Kira wasn’t a really nice person, and that it seemed like she was manipulating him. Keeping him from hanging out with you? That’s isolating him, and it’s not cool.”
As much as Cyrus didn’t want to see Kira, he also felt bad about possibly being the reason TJ lost a friend. Even if she wasn’t a very good friend, according to Buffy. But he dropped the subject when And opened the door, pulling them both into excited hugs.
It was still early for everyone else to arrive, so Cyrus set in helping Bex and Andi with the decorations. He had all but forgot about the conversation with Buffy by the time everyone else started arriving.
“Someone got dressed up,” Buffy teased when Jonah walked in.
“Hey, you liked the shirt,” Cyrus chimed in, offering a bright smile.
“Yeah, it’s great,” Jonah said, arms spread wide to show off the dark blue button-down Cyrus had given him at the free sale. “So what can I help with?”
“I think we just need to set out the food, and we’ll be good,” Buffy answered. Cyrus and Jonah followed her back to the kitchen, each loading their arms with plates from the fridge and counter to take out to set on the table.
People started streaming in before they’d even uncovered all of the food. Cyrus didn’t pay much attention to the newcomers until a familiar voice greeted him.
“Hey, Underdog,” TJ said as came over to join the small group by the food table. If Cyrus’s smile was a little brighter because TJ had shown up alone, he was pretty sure only Buffy noticed anyway.
“Teej, glad you could come,” Cyrus answered with a warm smile.
TJ looked around, smiling at Buffy and Jonah, before his smile faltered a little upon seeing the latter. Cyrus’s face fell a bit, and he caught Jonah’s eye. He looked just as confused as Cyrus felt, but TJ wasn’t saying anything. He had thought TJ and Jonah were okay, but now he was wondering if some other bizarre childhood memory was resurfacing.
“TJ? Something wrong?” Cyrus asked.
TJ seemed to snap out of whatever thoughts he was drowning in, offering a slightly forced smile to Cyrus before looking back at Jonah. “No, of course not. Nice shirt, by the way,” he added in a deadpan tone. Cyrus looked between the two for a moment before TJ's words registered; he had sent a picture of that shirt to TJ before he ended up giving it to Jonah.
“Hey, TJ—“
“Are these chocolate?” TJ cut him off, reaching for one of the cupcakes Buffy had set on the table. “I’m gonna see if I can find something to drink.” Cyrus didn’t miss the way he walked right past the end of the table where plastic cups and a large punch bowl were set out, alongside a cooler of sodas.
“What was that about?” Jonah asked quietly.
Cyrus didn’t answer, just looking from TJ’s retreating form over to Buffy. Her eyes widened and she jerked her head none-too-subtly towards TJ in an obvious signal for Cyrus to follow him. Cyrus shrugged weakly and shook his head a bit, continuing the silent conversation with the point that it wouldn’t make a difference, why would TJ want to talk to Cyrus anyway? Buffy rolled her eyes in response, reaching over the table to smack him sharply on the shoulder.
“Ow,” Cyrus broke the silence, rubbing his shoulder before he finally gave in and followed TJ, ignoring Jonah’s increasingly confused stare.
When he caught up with TJ, he was outside, alone on the bench by the fire pit, the forgotten cupcake sitting on the arm of the bench. “Hey,” Cyrus said gently as he walked over. “Mind if I sit here?” He asked, gesturing to the bench beside TJ. The boy only shrugged. “Are you mad about the shirt?” Cyrus finally asked after he couldn't take the silence anymore.
“Why would I be?” TJ asked. “It’s just a stupid shirt.”
“Yeah, and it was just a stupid swingset,” Cyrus muttered under his breath. He didn’t really intend for TJ to hear him, but the boy looked up and turned to stare at him.
“What?”
“Nothing,” Cyrus said quickly, looking away towards the dancing fire instead of at TJ. He really didn’t have any reason to get jealous over seeing TJ and Kira on the swings. They didn’t own the swings.
TJ fell silent for a moment before he spoke again, softer this time. “You did come out to the park?” It sounded like he meant it to be an observation, but it came out as a question. Cyrus only nodded. “We went there cause Kira said she wanted to feed the ducks. Then she wanted to swing and just—“
“You don’t owe me an explanation,” Cyrus cut him off.
“It feels like I do,” TJ said. The sadness in his voice made Cyrus want to do something stupid, like apologize a thousand times for ever making him feel that way, and promising never to again. Or hug him. Or something else equally as stupid.
“Well, you don’t,” Cyrus said with a shrug. “You should’ve invited her to the party.” The words made him feel sick to say, but if being with Kira made TJ happy, then that was all he wanted anyway.
“I didn’t want to,” TJ said quickly. Cyrus may have been imagining, but TJ almost sounded offended that Cyrus would even suggest that he invite her. “I don’t like Kira.”
“It seems like you do,” Cyrus said. He looked back towards TJ, giving his best impression of a comforting and encouraging smile, even while he wanted to cry. He was really good at it, actually. He could always fool And, and usually Buffy too. But TJ’s face fell, and Cyrus hated that he couldn’t fool TJ too. He couldn’t even pretend to be happy to make TJ happy. He was a terribly friend. “It’s okay that you like her. You’re allowed to like someone, and to spend time with her. I mean it, I’m happy for you.”
“I don’t like Kira,” TJ repeated. He shifted this time though, a bit uncomfortably, his eyes not quite meeting Cyrus’s. He propped one leg up on the bench between them, turning a little so he could face Cyrus better. For his part, Cyrus was trying not to look him in the eyes. Maybe if he didn’t look straight at TJ, it would be easier to get him to believe in Cyrus’s fake happiness for him.
That turned out to be a mistake though, when TJ rested his arm against his leg, his fingers dangling a bit, barely brushing over the back of Cyrus’s hand. Cyrus couldn’t breathe. It could've been a mistake, but TJ wasn’t moving away, and when Cyrus chanced a glance up, TJ’s gaze was set on their hands as well.
“I don’t like Kira,” TJ said, his voice shaking a little the third time he repeated it.
“You already said that,” Cyrus pointed out, though his voice was quiet, as though worried that if he spoke too loudly, he’d break whatever moment was happening. Or felt like should be happening.
“Yeah,” TJ breathed. He fell silent for a moment before his hand twitched a bit, fingers brushing against Cyrus’s hand again. His words were slow and careful, as if he was processing each one before he spoke it into existence. “Actually, I don’t like any girls.”
Out of all the moments Cyrus had dreamed of TJ saying something like that to him, of all the times he wished that maybe, just maybe, he had the slightest chance with the basketball player, he always had something to say. In all of those dream scenarios, he had the perfect words. Comforting, supportive, friendly, maybe more than friendly, but always perfect. Always the exact poetic words that TJ would need to hear to know that Cyrus supported him, thought he was brave for coming out, and trusted him.
Cyrus said none of them.
“Oh, ok.” Those were the only words Cyrus could form. The words didn’t sound happy, or supportive, or anything positive at all. Just neutral. Just, there. Cyrus felt like his brain was misfiring, trying to piece together something to say, but he couldn’t come up with anything. The only words running through his head were TJ’s. He didn’t like girls. Or maybe he just didn’t like any girls at the moment. That didn’t mean he was gay, right? Or maybe it did. Maybe that, and the fact that he still hadn’t moved, that his fingertips were still barely resting against the back of Cyrus’s hand meant that he was gay. That he liked Cyrus? No, that wasn’t possible.
Except that, for the first time since he’d started to realize his feelings for his friend, Cyrus thought that maybe it was possible.
“Is there anything you want to tell me?” TJ’s voice broke the silence, and Cyrus’s eyes flicked up to meet his, uncertainty and hope warring inside his mind. He knew better than to let hope win that battle, but still. It was a close fight.
Too close, actually. As he ran through possible ways to answer that question—of just telling TJ that he didn’t like any girls either, or just that he was proud of TJ for telling him—some part of him overrode every logical thought in his brain. He let hope win.
“Yeah, there is,” Cyrus said quietly, eyes dropping down to their hands again. He didn’t turn his hand over to glass at TJ’s—he wasn’t feeling that brave—but he did raise his thumb a little from the bench, enough to brush over Tj’s fingers. He forced himself to look back up at TJ before he spoke again, knowing that he needed to look him in the eyes for this, as terrifying as it was.
“I like you,” Cyrus said, his voice quiet, yet more confident than he expected.
TJ’s answering smile was all Cyrus needed to be able to breathe again. Bright and genuine, and just for him. “That’s good,” TJ said, his tone something closer to his normal teasing.
“That’s good?” Cyrus asked with an amused smile. Some part of him wanted to laugh, but another part wanted to scream. That’s good? What did that mean?
“Yeah,” TJ said simply. Cyrus’s breath caught in his throat when TJ’s hand dropped down to cover his completely. He still didn’t move to lace their fingers together, afraid that if he moved the slightest bit, this was all going to go away, as irrational as that sounded even in his head. “Because if that was just one-sided, our friendship was about to get a little awkward,” TJ added, making Cyrus’s eyes snap up from their hands.
He hadn’t just heard that, had he? Except the proof was there. TJ was smiling at him, telling him that he liked him, holding his hand.
“You like me too?” Cyrus asked, confusion written all over his features, even as a small, hopeful smile started to stretch across his lips, barely daring to exist until he knew it was true.
“Of course,” TJ said, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. As though he were explaining that the sky was blue, or that he was better than Buffy at basketball. Even if the latter wasn’t true, TJ still believed it, and said it as though it were fact. “Why do you sound so surprised?” TJ asked with a short laugh.
“Because,” Cyrus gestured with his free hand vaguely towards himself. Towards his own awkwardness and his not-as-impressive-as-Jonah-ness. “It’s me,” he said, with as much certainty in the obviousness of his statement as TJ had been. He was a mess. He was never anyone’s first choice, so why would he be TJ’s? Of all people, star basketball player, redeemed school bully, amazing friend, why would he like Cyrus?
TJ’s smile only softened though. His voice dropped, and his eyes—Cyrus couldn’t find words to describe the look in his eyes.
“Yeah, it’s you.”
Words could not make a person melt. It was physically and scientifically impossible. And yet, here Cyrus was, feeling his chest expand and melt at the sound of those words. Those perfect, sweet, warm words, that TJ spoke with so much sincerity that for a moment, Cyrus believed him.
TJ might just be dangerous for him in that way, but he couldn’t bring himself to be upset about it. Not with TJ looking at him like he was something to be treasured, cared for and protected. Like he was important.
He knew he had to say something equally as perfect and beautiful back, but he couldn’t think of anything expect how much he wanted to latch onto TJ and never let go. Thankfully, or maybe not so thankfully—Cyrus wasn’t sure yet—he was saved the trouble of coming up with something to say when TJ broke eye contact with him, his smile turning to something more friendly as he raised his free hand to wave at someone over Cyrus’s shoulder.
Cyrus whipped around in time to see a blur of dark hair ducking away from the screen door. He groaned, turning back around to TJ, who was chuckling a little at their eavesdropper. Without thinking, Cyrus leaned forward, his forehead bumping against TJ’s chest and just staying there. He felt TJ’s and leave his, and almost said something, but then it came to rest against his back, and that was acceptable.
“Andi?” Cyrus questioned.
“And Buffy. She was just faster than Andi,” TJ answered, amusement clear in his tone. TJ’s hands rubbed up and down Cyrus’s back for a moment, and he could happily stay there for the rest of the night, avoiding the party and his friends in favor of just staying there with TJ.
TJ didn’t seem to be in much hurry to leave either, but eventually Cyrus pulled his head up from TJ’s chest, looking up at the boy with a small, hopeful smile. “We should probably go inside before they decide to come out here and drag us back in,” Cyrus said, though he knew his friends wouldn’t do that. They might try to sneak a peek through the door again, and would absolutely hound him as soon as they went inside, but weirdly enough, he kinda of looked forward to that. He wanted Buffy to ask him what was said, and what happened. Because he wanted to tell her.
“Okay,” TJ agreed easily, taking Cyrus’s hand as he stood. He interlaced their fingers together as though it were just a common, everyday occurrence, nothing out of the ordinary, even as Cyrus bit his lip in an effort to not make some embarrassingly high pitched sound of excitement.
As expected, And and Buffy were just inside the door, pretending they hadn’t just been trying to spy on Cyrus and TJ. Cyrus didn’t even have it in him at the moment to fake-glare at them for it. He was ecstatic, and no amount of meddling friends was going to ruin that. Not when he had TJ’s hand in his, and a warm smile directed at him every time he caught TJ’s eye.
“About time,” Buffy said, not bothering to hide the knowing smirk on her lips. She never tried to hide when she thought she knew something before everyone else did, even this. Just as she said that though, Marty came up behind her, handing her a drink before resting his arm around her shoulders without a word.
“I could say the same to you,” Cyrus returned easily, earning a laugh from Andi, and a simple shrug from Buffy, a silent admittance that she wouldn’t deny his words.
“Hey, Lady Macbeth,” TJ said brightly. Marty groaned, but everyone else just stared at TJ like he’d lost his mind, including Cyrus. Great. He finally found an amazing guy that actually liked him, and said guy lost his mind exactly .5 seconds later.
“Sorry, Lady Macbeth?” Cyrus questioned.
Marty drew his attention by waving a hand vaguely in the air between them. “Me. He’s talking about me,” he said with a defeated sigh. “We had to read Macbeth in our English class earlier in the year, and no girls wanted to volunteer to read outloud, so I read the part of Lady Macbeth.”
“I thought you said you didn’t know Marty,” Buffy pointed out, looking back at TJ with raised eyebrows.
“Oh, wait. This is Marty from the party?” TJ asked, no hint of irony of joking in his tone. He honestly didn’t know Marty’s name, despite having a ridiculous nickname for the guy. Buffy and Andi found it hilarious, while Cyrus just groaned, turning to bury his face against TJ’s shoulder.
This was the guy he picked.
Even as the thought occurred to him in annoyance though, it pulled a smile from Cyrus’s lips as he drew back to watch the teasing now going back and forth between TJ and Marty. Because as much as TJ was annoying and oblivious sometimes, he was sweet and thoughtful. He made Cyrus feel important, and pushed him out of his comfort zone, while always being right beside him the whole time, encouraging and offering support.
Yeah. This was the guy he picked.