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The Uchiha Sleeps
Sasuke was a light sleeper. At least, that's what most people would think. Living the life of a ninja put you on edge. You have to constantly be aware of your environment and respond to even the slightest of change, like a bug. For all you know, fireflies don't belong in Japan.
So when Naruto tried waking up his boyfriend this morning... it was more troublesome than he had expected.
First: gentle coaxing.
"Hey, Sasuke. Wake up."
Naruto gently shook his boyfriend. Sasuke merely grunted and rolled onto his stomach, cheek resting on the pillow. This... was definitely unexpected.
"Sasuke. I will do it. Do not test me." Naruto pursed his lips at the response he received: absolute silence. "I will tickle you."
Still no response. Naruto sighed heavily. His fingers neared Sasuke's bare skin. He really didn't think this through. This was Sasuke. Sasuke was strong. A kick was dealt to his side and he crashed into the bedside table. Ouch.
Of course, Naruto can't receive without returning the favour.
"Wake-" Punch. "up-" Punch. "you stupid-" Another punch. "bastard!" One more punch.
Nothing.
"Fucking hell, Sasuke, you bastard!"
The best way to woo them is with food. Foo them. Yes, that's the word. Foo.
"Sasuke. I have tomatoes." No response. "They're the nice and juicy ones. They're perfectly ripe!" Naruto caught the slight movement of Sasuke's head. Progress. "You've got to get up, though. I'll eat them all if you don't," he threatened.
No.
Just-
no. Nothing.
The second best way to make them swoon is to serenade them.
"Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows..."
Currently, the sun was shining at its peak.
"Everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together..."
Oh, I think it's starting to get a bit cloudy.
"Brighter than a lucky penny..."
The clouds look a bit grey. Is it sprinkling?
"When you're near the rain just disappears..."
The clouds released a downpour of rain, drowning out Naruto's singing.
Naruto was done with this. He was just so done. He was fed up. Sasuke was just being a little bitch now.
"Fucking hell, Sasuke! I'm so done with your shit. Wake up, dammit!"
Naruto jumped on Sasuke, the crushed body emitting a groan at he impact.
"Hey... don't ignore me," Naruto pouted. Still nothing? "I'm... I'm horny." A twitch. "Oh! Is this about making you the uke? You can be seme this time, I promise!" Naruto remained oblivious to the cherry red cheeks. "Come on, Sasuke!" Naruto rolled Sasuke over and straddled his hips.
Naruto pressed into Sasuke's crotch, causing Sasuke to release a breathless moan.
"Come on, you horny sack of angst. This is a one time opportunity."
Yeah, that explains the rest. The guide on how to wake up Sasuke Uchiha... which'll really only work for Naruto Uzumaki but still... yeah.