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Archive Warning:
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Language:
English
Series:
Part 1 of SITM
Stats:
Published:
2019-06-25
Completed:
2019-06-25
Words:
341
Chapters:
2/2
Comments:
3
Kudos:
1
Hits:
33

The Prequel that no one asked for, but that I wanted

Summary:

Aalis has a message to deliver.

Notes:

If anyone wants to know what the everloving hap is fuckening, I can be found on the app Drawcast (main account is @GB Sans, but I also have an account specifically for this story (@Noivern))

The actual story has a completely different tone (hopefully more interesting) but my sleep-deprived goblin brain thought this would be Cool and Funny so here’s a fun opening to the story I’ve been planning for over 2 years now

Chapter 1: Rat Bitch Thaexolen Is A Fucking Liar and Can Kiss My Ass; an autobiography

Chapter Text

I feel like the general consensus among the people whose opinions actually fucking matter is that, when asked “how is your day going”, your honest response shouldn’t have to be anything along the lines of “At this point if someone were to walk up to me right now and outright stab me 67 consecutive times directly in the chest I probably wouldn’t even notice anymore“, but we can’t always have what we want, now can we, Keymaster?
Thanks for that, by the way. Fucking fantastic. Really appreciate the whole everything-is-on-fire-and-we’re-all-gonna-die vibe you’ve managed to establish here. Drawing the attention of someone literally named “Faith Eater” and then sending that attention towards a small country was a great idea. Truly, you are the pinnacle of cooperative benevolence.
For anyone new here, you may be wondering what the actual fuck is going on. That’s a reasonable reaction. That’s the kind of reaction the people whose opinions actually fucking matter would agree makes some actual fucking sense.
Because luckily for you, you’ve probably made it this far in your life without having to deal with Rat Bitch Thaexolen, quite possibly the shittiest major deity in existence. Gods, I fucking wish that were me. But nope, of fucking course I get to spend my time dealing with the fucking Pantheon. I need a fucking nap.

Chapter 2: Literally the same thing, but I blacked out and apparently made this with a different but equally chaotic energy

Summary:

Exactly what it says in the title.

Notes:

God I’m so fucking tired.

Chapter Text

Now I know I don’t speak for everyone, but I feel like overall most people, regardless of whatever individual lifestyle they prefer, would at the very least agree that the best way to start the day generally isn’t “furiously yodeling at the gods in a long-dead and forgotten language, standing in stolen tap shoes on a sinewy pile of baby stomachs, playing cards, and week-old goat bladders while a drag queen fights to the death against 2 tiny, axe-wielding lesbians in an overcoat over the bloody and weeping forms of no less than three nearly all-powerful ancient deities”, but you know what? Life doesn’t always go the way you want it to, now does it, Karen? Didn’t think so. Bitch.

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