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Jungwoo woke up feeling like shit. Mentally, physically, emotionally...he just felt like staying in bed and never getting up. No one would miss him because barely anyone noticed him anyway. He wasn’t appreciated at work or anywhere else he was involved. The only person that he even somewhat believed cared about him was his roommate, Taeil.
When he hadn’t been able to make ends meet anymore, Jungwoo had posted about needing a roommate and the first person to answer was Moon Taeil. He was a few years older than Jungwoo and just about as quiet so they made good roommates. It was a blessing and curse that Taeil was very perceptive with how Jungwoo was feeling though. Taeil could pick up on anything going on with him whether it was good or bad and he was afraid today was going to be another one of those days.
He heard the door to the apartment close signalling Taeil was home from class. Jungwoo hadn’t even realized it was late enough for him to be home yet. He rolled over towards the wall hoping that if Taeil peeked in his room, he would think he was asleep and leave him alone. He thought it had worked. He heard his bedroom door open and then a few seconds later it was closed. He sighed in relief but it didn’t last. He felt the bed dip followed by arms circling his waist and pulling him into Taeil’s chest.
“Hey Woo, what’s going on? Why are you still in bed at two in the afternoon?” He had his nose in Jungwoo’s hair. He loved the smell of the younger boy and it helped to calm him down. He was normally good at keeping his emotions in check but when he saw Jungwoo curled up this late in the day he knew something was wrong. “Just having a bad day...well more like a bad life but today the voices in my head are worse than others.”
Taeil had found out very quickly that his roommate was very sensitive and emotional. He had gotten Jungwoo to open up bit by bit and learned about his troubled past which still haunted him to this day. He tried to be as supportive as possible but he was starting to worry that it wasn’t enough.
“I’ve told you before, if you ever have days like this just text me. I can either leave class or at least try and distract you until I get back. You know I hate seeing you like this.” He did hate this, more than Jungwoo knew. He had started to fall for his roommate almost immediately but lately it had gotten to the point that Taeil knew he had feelings for Jungwoo, but he didn’t know if that would help the boy or hurt him even more.
Jungwoo sighed and rolled over looking at his friend, “And you know I hate inconveniencing you.” He hated feeling like he was imposing on someone or taking them away from something important. “You are not an inconvenience Woo. I wish you would believe me when I tell you that.” Jungwoo smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I wish I could believe you too.”
Taeil pulled him into a hug, tucking his head under his chin. “You will one day, I know you will.” He felt Jungwoo start to shake and realized he was crying. “I’m so sorry Taeil. I know this isn’t...what you signed up for when you asked to live here...you didn’t ask for a screwed up roommate. I just wish...I could be good enough. I don’t think I’ll ever feel like I’m good enough. I just want to be able to feel worthy of someone's love...of being in this world.”
It absolutely broke Taeil’s heart to hear him say these things over and over again. He couldn’t stand it and he didn’t want to hear it ever again. He prayed what he was about to do wouldn’t hurt they boy anymore than he already was. He pulled back and Jungwoo looked at him with such sad pleading eyes. Taeil slowly leaned in and placed a soft kiss on the boys lips. “Oh Jungwoo, if you only knew how perfect you are in my eyes.”
Jungwoo laid there dumbstruck. He could not believe what had just happened. His roommate, Taeil, the epitome of perfection...had kissed him. “Taeil...what...why did you do that?” He still had teats slowly falling and Taeil just hoped he wasn't the cause of any new tears. “I don’t want to..upset you or anything Woo but I just can’t stand the way you see yourself. You are such an amazing person I wish you could see it. You always put others first, you are so selfless it’s ridiculous, you’re dependable and are always on time if not early, and I know you have flaws, we all do. Trust me though, you’re good out ways your bad.”
Jungwoo couldn't believe what he was hearing. Did Taeil really believe those things about him? “Do you really think those things? You aren’t just saying them to make me feel better?” Taeil made a face, “Have I ever lied to you before?” Jungwoo shook his head. Taeil had only ever been a good friend. Jungwoo did not feel worthy of him.
“I have been wanting to tell you something for a while now Woo, but I honestly didn’t know how you would take it. I have been scared but I want to be honest and tell you okay?” Jungwoo nodded somewhat afraid of what Taeil was going to say. “I love you Jungwoo. I have for a few months now.” Jungwoo started to cry and buried his head in Taeils chest. “Jungwoo...I’m sorry, I didn’t want to upset you...fuck, please stop crying.”
Jungwoo didn’t want to cry but the tears just came and came. He felt happy that someone as amazing as Taeil would be confessing to him but he also felt so unworthy that it was like a weight on his chest. He kept his face where it was but tried to speak anyway. “How can you love someone like me though? I’m not good enough for someone like you. I am beyond flawed and don’t deserve someone like you.”
Taeil had thought these were the types of things he would have to battle, but to him it was worth it. “Hey, look at me.” Jungwoo hesitated but pulled back and looked up at Taeil with those sad but beautiful eyes. “I’m not saying I think you are flawless. I know you have them and I know what a lot of them are. What I am saying is...I think you’re good qualities out way the bad ones. I am willing to deal with the bad and help you overcome them. I want you to see yourself the way I do. I hope someday you can...and I am hoping you will accept my feelings for you and let me show you how much you mean to me. How much I love you.”
Jungwoo was trying his hardest not to cry anymore but a few stray tears made their way down his cheeks. He sniffled a little before trying to speak again. “Taeil, I honestly don’t know what to say. I still can’t believe you would want my good and my bad. My head is just still so fucked up..but I would be lying if I said I didn’t have feelings for you too...that I haven’t thought about what it would be like to have someone like you to love.” Taeil cupped his face and kissed him again, still soft but he lingered a little longer this time trying to pour his feeling into the kiss.
When he pulled back he kissed Jungwoo on the nose and smiled. “If you’re willing to give me a chance, I would love to try and give you everything your heart could ever desire. Just please, say yes Woo. Say you’ll at least let us try and see where this goes.”
For the first time in a long time, Jungwoo genuinely smiled as he looked at Taeil.
“Yes”