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It was late, probably after midnight. Changbin turned off the shower and went in the bedroom, towel wrapped around his middle. He found Hyunjin lying on his bed, his long legs swinging back and forth as he scrolled through his phone, softly humming a random melody.
Changbin looked at him while putting on clean clothes, a black t-shirt with black sweatpants as well as black socks; he hated being barefoot, especially if he knew Hyunjin would be seeing them. Tiny feet with tiny toes on a tiny man, the others liked to tease him about his size. He was called an angry little munchkin once and didn’t like being defined as angry and little because he was much more than what he looked like.
Maybe that’s why he hardened and developed this dark image he polished with time. Gloomy, distant and scary, yet talented, creative and so cool.
He heard Hyunjin giggle and Changbin felt his heart flutter, smiling as he approached the younger boy and sat next to him. The long legs stopped swinging and Hyunjin turned his head with a toothy smile, the screen of his phone lighting the side of his face. It was too hot not to sweat and Hyunjin’s skin, covered by tiny little droplets, was glittering.
Changbin pushed the younger’s bangs away from his forehead then thumbed at his temple to gather the sweat there and rub at the eyebrow equally wet. Like a little cat, Hyunjin leaned in his hand when he palmed his bony cheek. Changbin knew he was on a diet but hadn’t noticed how much he slimmed down; bones poking the soft skin here and there, even his legs weren’t as meaty anymore.
“Are you hungry?” He asked without thinking, he was massaging Hyunjin’s ear by now.
“Nah, it's too hot,” and with that, the younger closed his eyes and laid on his side, phone long forgotten. “I like when you do that,” he whispered softly, “I like when you take care of me.”
“And do you deserve that? I don’t recall you being nice to me earlier,” he replied with a grin.
Hyunjin opened his eyes to look at him with a small pout, “you know I tease you because I like you.” He looped his arm around Changbin’s waist and snuggled closer.
That was true, Changbin was the first of the band to be constantly picked on but that was only fair. It’s not like he was an easy person, always nagging and having mood swings. He knew he was often too much and sometimes not enough. But it was all affection, eight boys and a bond that made him feel all kinds of things, probably too difficult to process. They expressed love through jokes and nags most of the time, especially to entertain fans yet they were still very soft for each other.
Changbin was very soft for Hyunjin. A tall and cute boy who always hugged him or squeezed his knee as an apology for all the teasing he did.
Hyunjin was clingy too. Like right now, he was pressed against Changbin’s chest, one arm around his middle and on leg thrown over his thigh. As if it wasn’t too hot already, Changbin was sweating even more from all the body heat and he could smell Hyunjin’s skin along with the soap he used earlier. He was resting on his elbow, looking fondly at the younger boy.
“You’re so cute when you’re like that,” he said, still massaging Hyunjin’s ear because that was their thing after a concert or after a busy day.
“Like what?” Hyunjin asked, a sheepish smile appearing on his lips. Two soft pillows Changbin wanted to kiss… except you didn’t kiss your friends. There was a line Changbin wanted to cross but he knew his unrequited feelings would crack their friendship. As strong as their bond was, Hyunjin would stop trusting him. He would snap at him, like that: you let me hug you and we slept together and you touched me everywhere, you touched it all and you looked at me with those kind of eyes, it’s like you lied and took advantage of me!
And that’s why he didn’t write love songs. Love was a strange and untamed thing, like wildfire burning when he tried to look, see what it was, what it felt like. It didn’t feel good the first time; liking a girl from afar because just looking wouldn’t hurt. It was enough for him, really. Besides, he had other stuff going on, like music and writing. So there was no time to think about useless, insignificant things like girls and sex and love.
But then he met Hyunjin and the wildfire just grew and grew until it was all warm and fluttery.
It was a nice but scary feeling.
“You’re all adorable and innocent. Needy and clingy, like a tiny cat, but I know how mischievous you can be too,” he replied, squeezing the back of Hyunjin skull to emphasize how annoying he could be.
With that, Hyunjin grinned, showing two rows of white teeth, then pursed his lips to accentuate his canines. “Like that?” He asked after he imitated a cat bite.
That was so silly but Changbin liked him for that. Silly and cute and boyish.
“Are you trying to be funny? Because that imitation was atrocious. Minho would just tell you to go back being a puppy.” He pinched Hyunjin’s cheek lightly before letting go and resting his hand on the younger’s hip. The shirt was damp from the sweat and Changbin noticed how dry his throat was.
He untangled himself from Hyunjin’s long limbs and went to his bag to take out the warm water bottle. The younger made a grabby hand towards him but Changbin drank it all already. He saw Hyunjin sit up, pout and crossed his arms, “what about me?”
Changbin went to the bathroom to fill up the bottle with cold water. They were in Germany so he figured out drinking tap water would be safe. Hyunjin was looking out the open window when he went back, he handed him the bottle and Hyunjin eagerly placed it on his neck. His face was sparkling from the sweat illuminated by both the moonlight and the city’s street lights. A mix of whites, blues and yellows.
God, he was so pretty. Even with his hair curling weirdly, his dark circles and his tired face. He didn’t even drink water properly, he spilled some on his chin and it dropped on his shirt. His clumsiness was cute to watch too.
Honestly, Changbin could watch Hyunjin all day. The boy was an animated loud mouth as well as an annoying little runt but he was so beautiful.
“Stop looking at me like that,” said Hyunjin, smiling against the plastic of the now empty bottle.
“Like what?” He asked, worry starting to pick at his stomach. His eyes couldn’t betray him. Not yet, not when they just debuted last year. Not when there still was at least a decade to go.
“Like I’m the eighth wonder of the world or something,” he replied with an impish smile.
“You’re more of a or something than a wonder of the world, trust me,” Changbin let out a long sigh and went back to lie down on the bed. He heard Hyunjin laugh before the mattress dipped and warm long limbs wrapped around him again.
“Here comes the giant octopus,” he huffed with fake annoyance. Hyunjin hit him, offended “I’m not an octopus!”
Changbin snorted. “Of course you are, look at your legs. They’re so long, and your arms are like skinny tentacles, and-” He couldn’t control his laughter when Hyunjin turned on his back to hold out his arms and inspect them.
“See, they’re so skinny and long, and those fingers, even more tentacles!”
The younger glanced at him, “shut up, I have the best legs in the world. And my arms are fine.”
“Of course,” Changbin patted his head and Hyunjin took the opportunity to snuggle closer. One of his knees creeped up between Changbin’s thighs and one arm was thrown around him. Sometimes, Changbin wondered what was so nice about him to make Hyunjin decide to cuddle… It’s not like he had a broad chest to lie on like Chan. And he was certainly not a caregiver, unlike the two oldest.
He gently stroked the younger’s hair with one hand while the other wandered on the meaty thigh, drawing soothing circles with his fingers. The skin was soft from the shower but also because he waxed them often. Changbin was sort of jealous of the younger’s body… Tall, lean and toned. And elegant.
Hyunjin was elegant. From the way he moved to the way he danced, from the way he spoke to the way he laughed. Okay, maybe Changbin was biased because the boy was definitely not elegant all the time but there was a sort of delicacy about him that made everyone call him a prince.
“Can you scratch my back, please? I like when you do that.” And Changbin did, first on top of the shirt until Hyunjin whined, saying how he didn’t feel anything, so Changbin pulled up the back of his shirt and started scratching. The sweat trapped between his nails making his fingers slide more than scratch.
Hyunjin was such a baby aside of looking like a beautiful young man.
And Changbin would do everything for him.
He closed his eyes, trying to cut his mind off Hyunjin and his body curled around him. Thinking about today’s concert, about the fans, about the other members, about tomorrow’s flight, about anything. That was hard, honestly.
Hyunjin’s breath tickled his neck and his body was so, so warm against his. His shorts were rolled up, giving more room to Changbin’s hand to touch and palm the back of his thigh and squeeze the meat there. He could picture their tangled legs and where Hyunjin’s hips were exactly pressing and how his knee was inches away from peaking his bulge.
Changbin dipped one finger in the line of the younger’s tailbone and slowly went down to the elastic of his short and stopped there; then went back up and down again.
He knew how Hyunjin looked, all bare and moist from the swimming pool, the sea or the shower. He’s seen it all already. So he knew how perfect Hyunjin was. How attractive he was. How everything Hyunjin made him feel all kinds of things.
His strong legs, his round little butt, his pitched waist, his thin arms and his beautiful face with the pouty lips, the straight nose and the sparkling eyes.
He never dared thinking about the younger that way. But having him flat against him, all warm and wet and smelling so good, was driving him crazy.
He swallowed, dry.
He needed to drink and cool down.
Hyunjin shifted, looking up at him, “your heart started racing.”
“Sorry,” he apologized, his hands frozen. Hyunjin must have noticed because he looked down to his thigh, “what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I‘m just lost in my thoughts,” he reassured him with a small smile.
“What are you thinking about? Is it about me?” Hyunjin was now frowning, “maybe it’s too much and you’re not in the mood and I’m bothering you-”
“No. I was… thinking about hate comments,” he lied.
Now Hyunjin sat cross legged, worried, “why would you think about that? We all agreed not to do that when we debuted.”
“You know we all look online about what people say, right?” He sat up as well, facing Hyunjin and holding his hands, “curiosity is only human, even when we know it will hurt.”
“But… Are you okay? I hope it doesn’t get too much in your head.”
“Don’t worry. I’m not a crybaby like you,” he teased with a sly smile, squeezing Hyunjin’s hand between his, "hate only helps me improve.”
“Okay,” the younger said in English with his cute voice, “you know I rarely search my name online because I’m scared… that’s why I binge watch dramas.”
“Ugh, those boring dramas,” Changbin complained, but it was only to lighten the mood because he knew it would distract Hyunjin. He didn’t want to think about how easily he lied to his best friend. That’s why Hyunjin shouldn’t trust him this much, a simple lie turned him into a betrayer.
“They’re not boring, they teach you life lessons and share meaningful stories!”
They both laid down, facing each other. Close, so close Changbin could smell Hyunjin’s minty breath.
“The only story worth sharing is ours,” he said smugly, making Hyunjin smile.
What a beautiful smile.
“Ours as Stray Kids or ours as you and me?” He asked in a whisper, eyes sparkling.
“Are you flirting with me right now?”
“You didn’t answer my question,” he countered, kicking him lightly with his knee.
“What kind of story could be ours? Two boys talking on a bed because it’s too hot to sleep.”
“That’s what I call boring, yeah,” retorted the younger with a smirk.
“Well, then do something like in your dramas.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, you’re the one watching them, what happens when two persons are lying in the same bed?” Changbin’s heart started to pound because he knew Hyunjin would flirt back, and he liked this little game of pushing and pulling when no one was around. He didn’t know if it meant something to Hyunjin though.
“I think you know what people do together on a bed,” he says, a glint of mischief in his eyes.
“It’s probably a murder scene, like she tried to escape her husband, locking herself in the bathroom and he butchered the door, then dragged her here to cut her open, on this very bed.”
“Gross,” Hyunjin grinned. “Is that how you want to write our story?”
“A scary story wouldn’t be boring to watch, at least,” he huffed. Hyunjin moved closer, “but what else happens in a bed ?”
“Hum… Putting your child to sleep.”
“And then?”
“Staying in, sick.”
“Okay, that’s fair.”
“Doing a V Live.”
“Let’s stick to fiction.”
“Okay… a couple kissing.”
“They don’t only kiss.”
“What the fuck are you watching, Hyunjin?”
“I’m joking,” Hyunjin stuck his tongue out. Small and pink and wet and cute. Changbin wanted to pick it with his own mouth, like a flower. To taste it, too.
He felt Hyunjin’s knee poke between his legs - lower than his bulge, but it made his dick twitch anyway. He knew he wouldn’t get hard, though. Suppressing his hormones was easy, it became a habit ever since they met and shared a tiny room.
However, his heart wanted Hyunjin. A longing to see him smile, laugh and to take him in his arms and make him happy. A raw desire for affection that made him express his love in many ways: comforting words, gentle touches, long hugs and late discussions at night.
Hyunjin shifted again and their noses brushed, “you’re lost in your thoughts again.” His eyes were still sparkling in the dark room, “I don’t like when you’re with me but your mind is elsewhere.”
“It’s payback for all the times you reject me,” Changbin joked with a grin. He saw the younger pout, “what are you thinking about?”
You.
“Nothing.”
Hyunjin hit him lightly, “I don’t believe you.”
“Fine, I’m thinking about how sticky I became because it’s too hot and a certain someone is clinging to me ever since I went out of the shower. Good thing they smell good though.”
“So, I smell good.” He stated with a sly smile, “I like it tonight, you keep showering me with compliments. Are you sure I’m not a wonder of the world, after all?”
“Alright, since you’re a wonder of the world, I’m allowed to touch you.” Changbin smirked while going to pinch Hyunjin everywhere, cheeks, arms, waist, legs, then tickling him. The younger laughed and weakly tried to push him away but Changbin moved on top of him and their legs tangled together. Their sweat made their clothes stick to their skin. It was too hot and sometimes their hands would slide, trying to catch each other in their little fight.
Hyunjin’s hips bucked as he tried to escape the tickly fingers and Changbin unintentionally grinded down. Fear and arousal shot through his whole body as he felt Hyunjin’s squeeze both of his thighs together to trap his own leg in the middle of them, trapping him there and trying to get friction. Changbin’s dick rubbed against the younger’s hip and that’s how his hand moved under Hyunjin’s shirt.
Changbin planted his mouth on his neck then licked the soft skin. Salty. Tasty.
He heard the younger moan, breathing fast, hard until a panicked stop reached his ears. Changbin pushed himself away, suddenly scared. His thoughts lined up in his hazy mind, processing the situation.
No.
That wasn’t what he wanted... Being a creep and pinning Hyunjin down and rutting against him and-
“Hyung, I’m sorry,” Hyunjin said, eyes wide. His hair was a mess, stuck to his temples, his lips red and wet and his shirt was rolled up to the point that Changbin could see his nipples.
What the fuck did I do?! He yelled at himself. He should be the one apologizing.
But Hyunjin pulled his shirt down as he sat, facing him. He licked his lips, his breathing slowing down and tentatively took one of his hand, “I freaked out.”
Changbin only nodded, still frozen.
“But I liked it,” he explained, giving him a small smile.
Changbin then blinked, “I thought I hurt you,'' he whispered, “I thought I went too far, I wasn’t thinking, I-”
“I wasn’t thinking either hyung. It just happened because we both want it… I mean, I hope I didn’t read things wrong and that you want me too.” The younger squeezed his hand, nervously biting his lips. Blush blooming on his cheeks. Cute, cute, cute.
Changbin started breathing again. He took both of Hyunjin’s hands in his and intertwined their fingers. “I want you too,” he softly said, “I like you, Hyunjin.”
“I know,” he told him. And Changbin blinked in confusion. “It’s the way you look at me and how much you like cuddling me that made me realize you liked me maybe more than friends. I wasn’t sure if you knew yourself, though.” He smiled, eyes forming crescents moon. He was beautiful.
Changbin swallowed, thick, throat dry. Hyunjin was smarter than he thought. Or… he was just really bad at acting and hiding his feelings. Hell, Han told him once that eyes were the mirror of the soul and maybe he should have paid more attention at the poetry Han tried to bring into 3Racha.
Besides, it’s not like everyone were telling Hyunjin about how much Changbin liked him already.
Hyunjin giggled, “don’t think too much hyung, it’s okay to be obvious. It amused the others, at least.”
“Great,” he sulked. He really was a clown, huh?
“C’mon, I like you back, it’s not that bad,” Hyunjin added with a smile, bumping their foreheads.
“I guess not,” he smiled back. “But what about earlier, why did you freak out? Did I do something wrong?”
“Nah, you did nothing wrong. I told you I wanted it, but I wanted to maybe… kiss before the… you know,” the younger blushed harder and it was his turn to be amused. “Sex?” He asked with a grin. Hyunjin frowned, embarassed, he couldn’t look up. “More like… rub myself all over you.”
“Clothed sex, then,” he teased.
“Don’t say it like that!” Hyunjin let go of his hands to hide his face and fall back on the mattress. Changbin laid down next to him, propping himself on his elbows, “you’re cute when you get all shy.”
“I’m always cute for you,” he put his hands down on his tummy to play with the hem of his shirt and looked at him, starting to smirk, “also… I’m sure you don’t only want to pinch my cheeks and stroke my hair.”
“Right, when you dance and I can see how flexible you are. And your butt in those tight jeans... Honestly, you should sit on me,” Changbin said bluntly.
“Oh my god!” The younger squealed in English, hiding his face once again, his legs kicking in the air. “That’s gross!”
“Don’t worry, we can start with a kiss,” he told him softly. It was his turn to be shy.
Hyunjin looked up at him, equally shy, “really?”
Changbin felt tentative fingers tugging at his tee. The younger was staring, eyes sparkling, skin glowing from the moonlight, lips flushed from the heat.
When Changbin slowly leaned down, Hyunjin closed his eyes.
He brushed their lips until the younger tugged him by the collar and he closed his eyes too.
They were kissing.
It tasted like salt and mint.
Soft, clumsy. Their first kiss.
And it made their hearts race.
Two of their hands laced together as Changbin pressed himself against Hyunjin, fingers palming his cheek. Again, their bodies moved on their own and their grinded softly against each other. Hyunjin was keeping him down by the neck and wrapped a leg around his waist. He darted his tongue out, poking at Changbin’s lips who opened his mouth and let it in.
They broke the kiss to breathe, smiling and brushing their noses.
“The heat makes me dizzy,” Hyunjin said with a tired smile. Changbin watched him, brushing the hair out of his face. His beautiful face.
“You’re so beautiful,” he told him, earning a laugh from the younger.
“Hyung, I’m sweating a lot, my hair doesn't look like anything. I’m so ugly right now.”
“You’re always beautiful to me.”
Hyunjin pushed him to sit up, smiling, “since when are you a romantic?”
“Since I kissed you,” he replied, pinching Hyunjin’s waist.
The younger rolled his eyes, got up to take the water bottle and went to the bathroom to fill it up with cold water. He went back, water dripping from his chin, to hand it to Changbin. While he drank, Hyunjin went to lie down on the other, clean, kicking the covers on the floor. He was on his belly, looking at Changbin, “hurry, I’m tired.”
Changbin took his socks off and climbed next to the younger who cuddled to him immediately. They kissed again, lazy and slow. Kissing Hyunjin was addictive. His lips and his tongue made him feel all kinds of things. In his heart and down here . “I could do it all night,” he whispered.
Hyunjin smiled sleepily, “me too.”
Changbin’s heart was beating with a strange feeling he recognized as love. But what was love? Everything was so new to him. He was confused. So confused.
I’m nothing to me and I’m scared to be hurt and to hurt him and he’s too good for me so what are those feelings? It’s not like wildfire, even if it feels nice and warm, it’s not something I see, something I can touch and that can burn. It’s more like I’m being eaten alive. My feelings are eating me and I can’t think anymore, I can just feel. It’s like love is a cannibal. I’d give him everything until I’m stripped off all I have and all I am and become nothing.
Changbin watched Hyunjin sleep until he couldn’t anymore.