Chapter Text
Mara has never been in love. She's never seen the point of romantic love, or really, love at all. It's no wonder, considering that the person who loved her the most, her beloved father who broke all the rules he had to in order to save her, was punished and ripped from Mara when she was still too young.
She was a sickly child, and the only thing that could help her was Aether from the Void. Her father, who taught her how to swim, let her have coffee whenever she wanted, who called her Dove, wouldn't hear no for an answer, and he ended up saving her life, against the objections of her society, even her own mother. No one loved her like her father did, and he was punished for it.
After something like that, how could Mara believe in love? Her prime example of romantic love was shown to be a sham, with her mother being part of the people who banished Mara's father into the Void. Even maternal love clearly had it's limits, because Charlotte hadn't done everything she could for Mara, but had given up when it was too 'difficult', or 'dangerous', or 'against the rules'. Her father hadn't cared, and Mara lived but lost him because of it. What use does Mara have for love, when those who you give it to will just use it to hurt her?
Even so, she does eventually realize that love does have its uses. William loves her, and would do anything for her. She didn't corrupt him, she just took his skills and willingness to new heights, and it was glorious. The things they managed to do with Aether was more than her father could have even imagined. She knows he would have been proud, and maybe that's something. And William was useful, though sometimes Mara had to strain not to roll her eyes at his puppy dog looks.
But once again, her mother betrayed her. She followed her into this primitive nearby dimension that Mara used to perfect her skills, convinced her people that Mara was evil and misguided and needed to be punished. To be *fixed*. Like her father. Just because Mara didn't see the point of not using Aether on the so called humans that were so susceptible to it, just because her beloved was that in name only.
Mara didn't love William. She didn't love her mother. She had loved her father. All of these things caused her to be punished.
***
Nathan Wuornos is the epitome of all that Mara had to suffer through her 500 years of torture. Sure, there were other men (and women) versions of her loved (Mara never loved them; her mother's punishment was bullshit), but Nathan Thaddeus Wuornos was the only one to infect so many versions of her. She doesn't understand how. There's nothing remarkable about him, except his stubborness and refusal to give up. His willingness to do anything for 'Audrey' reminds Mara of William, but at least William wanted the same things Mara did. Nathan and Audrey want the Troubles to end. Mara wants to perfect them. Nathan's stubborness is of no use to Mara. As much as remnants of Sarah and Lucy and Audrey (maybe even Lexie) exist within her, loving Nathan and wanting to fix everything, Mara can put them aside. She *can*. She is stronger than her damn overlays.
The only one she might have felt what people say is romantic love was Duke Crocker. Even so, it was mostly shared parental issues, the same selfishness, lingering feelings for Audrey and a desire to be needed. Duke needed her, and maybe he confused that for love. Mara was interested in Duke's darkness, in the Troubles in him, in what Duke could do for her. It wasn't real love. Mara has never been interested in duping herself like that. ”I kinda love you, Duke Crocker,” was the closest she could ever get to that feeling, and even she knows it wasn't much.
Mara never did learn to love (all of that went to her overlays, especially the husk of Audrey Duke split out of Mara). Maybe that's why she couldn't survive.