Archive of Our Own

The loneliness never left George; it was like a clingy partner who never quite knew when to let go of their embrace. The ache never faded, always a small presence that lived solely off manifesting from George's heartache. He wasn't complaining, though. He deserved the pain, almost a punishment for how selfish he had become. Why would he ever even dream of his own happiness when he couldn't even produce any for his friends?

Speaking of his friends, their relationships had all blossomed tremendously. For starters, Will and Stephen had finally moved in together, the ginger caving in and leaving his parents in Manchester for the large city of London. From the small conversations George had seen from texts over Josh's shoulder, he and Nina were planning a family, and if George could remember correctly they had announced a cat that they had recently rescued not too long ago to their fans. James and Alex, however, had both took the biggest step. They had gotten engaged, James proposing at a park where the two had been on their first date a while ago. However, despite their accomplishments, George still couldn't find a place within his entire body that didn't scream of his loneliness, and he hated himself for it.

He began spending most of his time with Fraser, hoping that the other single male of their group would work wonders in trying to fill the lonely gap within George's heart. His prayers weren't fulfilled though, and George only worried that he was annoying Fraser. Besides, Fraser wouldn't be single forever, so George couldn't begin to rely on him. He wouldn't let himself be crushed like that, he couldn't.

It didn't take him long to abandon his friends.

George didn't think any of them minded; most of them were all coupled up together, and Fraser was easily one of the nicest guys George knew, so it wouldn't take him long to find a partner either. His loneliness raged within his chest, the emptiness in his heart spreading, but George didn't mind. They were all happy, who was he to ruin it?

His emptiness led him to spending as much time with other people as possible. Being the lonely guy he was, and after cancelling any plans his friends tried making with him, he didn't have much opportunity to scout out time to be around people. It resulted in George finding himself more often than not down a club, his identity be damned, as he mingled with strangers in situations similar to George's sadness.

One of them was a rather tall lady, who almost always offered George a blowjob upon arrival, despite the countless amount of times George denied her. She was persistent, but it wasn't as if George received special treatment. Her drunken antics led her to offering almost every bloke who was in a mile radius of the entrance doors to a quick one in the bathroom. George almost sympathized with her on how many men actually complied, but he couldn't find the strength in his selfish being to help the woman out.

Another was a small guy, who reminded George of Alex. He seemed like the type to be a twink, and the brown hair and eyes didn't help, but he was far more insistent than Alex was on being straight. His denial led to many conversations being held with George, but they were rather one sided, as George's loneliness plagued his mind, holding a higher significance than some man's pointless rants on why he was straight. He'd figure out one day.

Lastly, there was the women behind the bar. She had curly, blonde hair, which cascaded to her lower back, usually worn in a ponytail. She worked behind the bar, serving George more drinks than he'd had hot dinners. She always wore a bright smile, have a small chat with the man between serving customers.

She had noticed the distant and longing look in George's eye. Her heart almost broke at the sight; such an attractive young man who seemed so kind-hearted and friendly just slumped defeatedly in a barstool, conflicted with his inner monster of emptiness. She tried whenever she could to comfort the man, despite it being against her contract to involve herself with customers, but her efforts always seemed useless. She only ever received distracted nods or him sipping from his alcoholic beverage, and on a very good day the very odd yeah, or sure.

It was almost like a challenge for herself to try and fix the male, no matter the consequences. She never expected to fall so hard for him and his silence, but she did.

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It was a Thursday when she noticed George enter the club again, after missing the last couple of days. She didn't want to say his absence had made her worried, but she was relieved to see the male alive and functioning, even though his eyes appeared more glossy and distant than usual. She blushed as he sat down infront of her, his gaze set on the floor rather than on the woman herself. She sighed, reaching a hand over the bar to place it in a, hopefully, comforting manner.

"You alright pet?" She asked softly, her strong accent managing to gain his attention.

He raised his head slightly, blinking at the light as he focused himself back into reality. He stayed silent for a few seconds before responding.

"Pardon?" He asked politely.

"I asked if you were alright or not, but clearly you aren't." She answered, smoothing her thumb over the back of his hand. He looked down at their hands before zoning back into his own fantasies. She sighed, removing her hand from his to pour him a drink.

Placing the drink on the table seemed to regain his attention as he offered her his card, the woman refusing, muttering something along the lines of it's on the house. She turned to walk away before George spoke up again.

"It's George." He mumbled. She turned to gaze him, her eyebrows furrowed slightly.

"Hm?" She asked.

"My name's George, not pet." He smiled slightly. Her blush darkened as she giggled to herself.

"Alright then George." She said, testing the man's name on her tongue before strutting away to serve another customer. She smiled fondly to herself as she spoke to customers with a cheery tone, her step having a small bounce to it at the process she had made with the man.

It was a small amount of progress, but she was willing to take whatever she could get.

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They held small conversations after that, her giggling and smiling through the entirety of it. She even managed to make him smile on the odd occasion, but nothing too major had happened. She really wished that she could make the man far happier than he clearly was, but nothing seemed to work; her jokes never made him crack a laugh, her flirting and suggestive comments never registered in his mind and her touches never progressed further than a glance from him. It was infuriating, but she was a determined woman. She would make him happy again, no matter the cost.

She just had to.

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When he entered a few Wednesday's after he disclosed his name to her, she wore a large smile, a light blush dusting here cheeks as she radiated happiness and confidence. He sat down in his usually seat infront of her, the emptiness still present in his eyes, but on a far smaller scale. She smiled a little wider in pride at it.

"Y'alright George?" She asked kindly as she set down his familiar drink order infront of him. He nodded, taking a small sip before forcing his gaze to meet with hers. Her cheeks darkened, a small giggle escaping her lips before looking away.

She felt like a teenage girl again, obsessed with some secondary school crush that would only last a few days. George was different though, George was better than any of the pre-pubescent teens she had obsessed over the years.

She snapped out of her daydream at the calling of her name from a different customer. She hastily apologised, stuttering over her words. George just smiled at her before nodding his head in the direction of the other customer.

"Should probably answer them, shouldn't you?" He smiled. She nodded.

"Stay until my shifts over?" She asked, her heart beating wildly as she attempted to collect herself together.

"Sure." George smiled. The emptiness in his eyes had vanished. Her eyes widened as she giggled, flirtatiously tossing her hair behind her before serving the impatient customer who had interrupted her and George.

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It was a few hours later when her shift ended, and she tapped George on the shoulder. George turned to face her before smiling, taking her hand in his as he stood up. She led him out of the crowded building, pushing passed the drunken and sweaty bodies as she clutched tightly at George's hand. Once they had left, he eventually stopped in an alleyway near the club. He let go of her hand, causing her to sigh as she looked towards the ground.

"Is it often you usually ask guys to hang around for you?" He joked.

"Only special ones." She giggled. He look away, biting his lip. She blushed.

They stood in silence. She glanced up at the man, who refused to look at her, caught in his own thoughts as usual. Whilst his distant glance and glossy eyes had reducded drastically, it still lingered behind his irises.

Bravely, she moved towards him. He didn't notice, even as she placed her cold fingers on his cheeks. She turned his face to look at her before connecting their lips softly, closing her eyes at the moment.

It didn't take long for George to push her off him. She stumbled backwards, her eyes widened in shock.

"The hell?" She questioned angrily.

"What-Why?" He muttered, his breathing increasing as he twisted his fingers anxiously. His gaze fixated on his fingers as his eyes collected up tears.

"I thought you wanted this, 'nd that's why you came with me." She whispered sadly.

George didn't listen to her, instead quickly leaving the alley. She closed her eyes, a choked sob escaping her lips. She collapsed onto her knees, sobbing freely into her eyes at the harsh rejection.

He was exactly like the pre-pubescent teens from her childhood. She was foolish for thinking anything different.

Fuck.

Them.

All.

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George had rushed back to his apartment, tripping over his feet as he gasped for breath. Unsurprisingly, he had returned to an isolated apartment, Alex presumably downstairs joking around with Fraser or flirting with James.

George wasn't sure on how to react; on one hand, he hardly knew her, and certainly wasn't as infatuated with her as she was him, but his loneliness haunted him, and he craved for someone to just send it all away. She could definitely do that, and she certainly seemed willing, but George knew he couldn't use her like that. Deep down, his selflessness overshined his need for attention, and he settled with sobbing in his bedroom on his own.

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He didn't return to the club for weeks in fear of running into her. George didn't wish to hurt her any further than he already had, and the time allowed him to process and think about his actions and what to do next. The time allowed him to realise how much he did indeed miss the woman's presence in his life. The time allowed him to understand that he was misconstrued with how he felt, and that he did actually reciprocate feelings for her.

It seemed ridiculous, but he truly did like her. The small giggles she'd let out whilst twirling her hair between her small fingers, the comforting hand she always placed on George's to remind him that he wasn't alone, and the jokes and effort she'd put in to having a conversation with George all forced him to realise that he needed this woman in his life. Call him stupid, but he was in love.

And he'd do anything to get his love back. Even returning to the club to apologise.

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He walked into the club a few days later, frowning when he didn't immediately spot her. Of course, he had no idea of her name, so he couldn't just waltz up to another employee and inquire of her whereabouts. Besides, it seemed weird for him to do so, and so he settled with sitting in his usual seat at the bar.

He was served by a male, who seemed pleasant enough and wouldn't judge George for any questions he had. Taking a deep breath, he turned to the man, who raised a brow in response.

"Have you any idea where a woman with blonde, curly hair is? She works here but-"

The guy smiled sadly at George.

"She put her notice in few days ago, sorry mate." He apologised. "I'm assuming you're the guy she always talked about."

George nodded numbly, thanking him for his time before downing his drink. He stared off into space as he felt his breathing increase. Inhaling a few shuddering breaths, he attempted to calm himself down. He abruptly left the club, tears held in his eyes before he collapsed into a familiar alleyway.

He clutched at his chest as he fell to his knees, quietly sobbing to himself at his foolishness. How dare he have allowed himself to finally like someone, didn't he know the consequences? How could he have allowed himself to finally love someone, to let his guard down so haphazardly? Why was he such an idiot?

He tucked his knees up to his chest, leaning against the building wall behind him. His rested his head on his knees, allowing tears to roll solemnly down his cheeks as he halfheartedly swatted them away with the back of his hand. His erratic breathing didn't fuss him, despite the lack of oxygen he was intaking making him feel light headed. It wouldn't matter to him anyway, stupid boys like him didn't deserve to survive, did they?

It was stupid of him to think she would stay around for someone as pathetic as him. No one ever did. They always left.

Always.