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♡Can Anybody Find Me Somebody To Love?♡
George wasn't the easily jealous type, and he would always be the one to smile the brightest at his other people's achievements. It was how he was raised; selfless until his final breath, and he wouldn't change it for the world.
However, sometimes he had to draw the line. There was only so many smiles he could give his friends and their blossoming relationships before George realised enough was enough. He couldn't live with his friend's lovestruck smiles, gazes at each other that lasted far too long for much longer. Don't get him wrong, they deserved happiness, and they were all happiest with each other, but his loneliness ached in his chest whenever they forced him to acknowledge how cold and alone he would be, and how he'd most likely remain this way.
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The first time his bitter loneliness made an appearance was when Alex and James had been recording a video together. They had been in Alex's room, and the thin walls didn't cover George's ears from the giggles and ocassional flirtatious comments they'd make to each other.
After a few minutes though, Alex's room turned silent, causing George's ears to perk up in interest as if he was a cat. George slowly pushed his laptop off his lap, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. It had only been a few minutes since the two had been cackling away, and it had suddenly turned... suspiciously silent, the sort of silence George would've only expected from his own room.
Creeping out of his room, he quietly knocked on Alex's bedroom door, creaking it open. Alex's head turned from looking at James, his eyes wide in alarm. He pulled back from being so close to James, his face having previously been almost pressed against the taller males. James, however, didn't seem to hear the disruptance George had caused, keeping his eyes focused on Alex and he delicately brushed a strand of Alex's fringe out of the younger males eyes.
"Everything alright, George?" Alex asked softly, grabbing a hold of James' hand to get the male to stop fussing. James nuzzled his head into Alex's neck in response, still unbeknownst to George standing in the doorway.
"Uh, yeah. Sorry." George apologised. "It was just... silent. Wanted to make sure you hadn't killed each other. Have fun."
Before Alex could respond or James could realise he was in the doorway, George left the room, silently closing it behind him. He quickly left for their living room, his eyes watering against his will.
He coughed repeatedly, his chest aching as he collapsed onto the sofa in their living room. Desperately, he rubbed at his eyes, trying to compose himself enough to calm down. His chest shuddered with each hoarse cough that racked his entire frame, gasping in a pathetic attempt to inhale something other than the coldness of being alone that constantly surrounded him.
He wasn't even sure why he was so upset. His eyes betrayed him as tears flooded down his cheeks, despite the several attempts made at washing it away.
He was so selfish; his friends had finally found happiness and here he was sat bawling like a child over it. How could he even expect to find his own happiness when his selfishiness got in the way of everything? His friends had been through so much, and had struggled so much, particularly Alex, and at the first chance of happiness he's had George is selfish over it? Pathetic.
Selfish and pathetic. Selfish and pathetic. Selfish and pathetic.
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The next occurrence was when he found himself in Will's flat. They had been filming a second channel video for both their channels, easy reddit content that wouldn't take too much time out of their days. That being said, Will seemed glued to his phone, smiling fondly down at it, quickly tapping away at it, and when he wasn't, he was constantly checking the device.
"Am I keeping you away from something important?" George asked jokingly. He wore a wide smile on his face as he turned in his chair to look head-on at Will. "Or does a reddit 50/50 not take your fancy?"
"Sorry mate." Will apologised, glancing one last time at his phone before placing it onto the desk. "Got my full undivided attention, I promise."
"Might as well tell me what was more interesting than..." George's eyes quickly scanned over his computer screen before he smirked. "...Seven children get ran over by infuriated elementary school teacher."
Will stiffled a smile before sighing. His shoulders dropped as he looked down in his lap.
"Ste's coming down to London for a few nights." He explained. "I was tryna plan some stuff to do together as a couple, y'know?"
George's smile dropped for a few seconds before he forced one back on his face. He chuckled, but it held no humour for him. He clapped Will on the shoulder, his touch lingering in hopes it would fight of the aching in his chest. He had no luck, and it only took a few seconds before the familiar loneliness flodded his entire chest region.
"Can't say I do." He forced out, almost choking at the words. Will's eyes widened, but before he could apologise George dismissively waved him off.
"It's fine, I don't mind." George smiled. "You and Ste are happy together, you should be able to express that."
"George I swear I didn't-"
"I'll be back in a second." George promised before scraping his chair back, the screech it made almost as loud as his thoughts that screamed of how pathetic, lonely and selfish he was.
"George-" Will attempted again, turning to face the smaller man.
Before Will could continue his sentence, George had left Will's room in honour of finding the man's bathroom. He quickly found it, locking the door with a shaky hand before sliding down the wall. With sobs caught in his throat, he began choking, the loud noise echoing in the silent and lonely room.
Tears once more fell freely from his cheeks. He curled his legs close to his heaving chest, resting his head on his knees. He sobbed loudly onto his knees, his arms slowly wrapping around his legs to hold himself together from his crippling loneliness.
He laughed hoarsely to himself at the thought, wiping his cheeks halfheartedly to rid the tracks trailing down his cheeks. He truly was a pathetic, selfish and lonely brat. He couldn't even be happy for his friend for five seconds. Will and Stephen hadn't seen each other for months, and George knew how hard Will found their long distance relationship. Yet George still sat in Will's bathroom, sobbing for himself because of how lonely he is, still as surprised as the time he was sat in his own living room.
He could distantly hear Will rattling the door handle and banging on the oak door, but George ignored it. It was no wonder he was lonely, ignoring even his friends, who only felt guilty because George was a selfish and sensitive cunt. How could he ever dream of finding love?
Bitterly, he wiped his eyes with the back on his hand one final time, allowing his legs from where they rested closely to his chest. Intaking a few deep breaths, George's chest stopped thumping so dramatically, despite the coldness still lingering behind his skin. He chuckled quietly to himself, in some sort of state of a lonely insanity before opening the door. He smiled softly at Will, who looked at the floor in shame, apologies flying quickly out of his mouth.
"S'alright." George reassured. "Shall we get back to the video then? Especially if lover boy will be stealing you away for a few days."
Will sighed defeatedly before nodding. "Y' sure your alright though?"
"Never been better."
Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar.
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The most recent event of loneliness was the quickest he had endured. It didn't hurt any less, hell it hurt George more than anything, but he was glad he didn't have to listen to how lonely he was compared to those who he was closest to. At least Josh and Nina spared him of that.
Perhaps it was his fault for getting himself in that position in the first place. He knew Nina and Joshy lived together, and of course being the affectionate and loving couple they were it was inevitable that they would sometimes be incredibly close and busy with each other.
That was how George walked into their apartment, the couple's lips passionately connected with an occasional gasp. Nina's hands roamed Josh's hair, often pulling at a few strands, whilst his large hands bracketed her defenceless against the wall.
Nina gasped loudly at the sound of their door opening, abruptly shoving Josh off herself with a crimson blush coating her cheeks within seconds. Josh grumbled for a few seconds before turning to face George, his eyes widening comically at George's presence.
"Sorry." George apologised. "Guess I should get better at knocking."
"George, I'm so sorry-" Josh immediately spluttered, but George chuckled at him.
"Just remember to use protection." He suggested before leaving, any plans of filming with his friend destroyed. He heard the pair of them call after him, even as he trailed up their street back to his and Alex's apartment.
Pulling up his hood, he silently wiped away the few tears that had collected into his eyes. It was almost a routine at this point; having his friends finally be all happy and loved up, having a meltdown about it and remembering how much of a selfish thing he was to this earth.
Was he honestly that hard to love? All he was after was a little affection and attention, maybe some small intimacies here and there, nothing too major. Yet here he was, almost choking on his own tears at the thought of one of his lifelong friends finally being content with his life.
He didn't blame people for not loving him. Afterall, he didn't love himself either.
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He silently opened the door to his and Alex's flat, met with the familiar echoes of silence. Alex was probably at James and Fraser's, either drunk off his ass or too busy shagging his boyfriend.
Gekrge considered sending a text to Will, asking if he was free, but he feared that he would've intruded on something. Stephen may have stayed for a few extra nights, seeing as it wasn't often that they ever saw each other. George pocketed his phone before he could dwell on the thought, ignoring the several texts and missed calls sent through from Nina and Joshy. He'd let them all have a night in for once, instead of them having to worry about him.
He did even wonder about calling Fraser, but if Alex and James were just drinking, there was a high possibility that he had joined them, and it wouldn't be fair to ruin his night either. Besides, him and Fraser weren't the closest, so he'd only be a nuisance to the other male.
He sat himself down on the sofa crossed-legged, breathing deeply. The silence screamed at him, setting his focus on breathing off course. Despite being so alone, it felt as if the walls were staring at him intently, almost daring him to cry over his bitter loneliness. He raised a hand to his forehead, watching as it shook slightly. Shaking, he wiped away the small amount of sweat that had collected on his forehead, the pace of his breathing quickened as he did so.
"P-Pull yourself together George." He whispered to himself shakily, closing his eyes in fear. His teeth chattered anxiously as his heart pounded wildly. A sob escaped his lips as the flood wall behind his eyes shattered, allowing the tears he had locked behind his lids to slide down his cheeks.
Struggling to breathe, he unfolded his legs, sliding slowly off the sofa. He collected himself into a heap on the floor, collapsing almost pathetically as he sobbed at himself.
"Why is it always me?" He sobbed. "Why can't I have happiness? What did I ever do wrong?"
"Why me?!" He screamed. "Why me?! Why me?! Why me?!"
He was unsurprisingly left unanswered. The silence washed over him once more as his hoarse voice cracked, his vocal chords shutting down on him as he gasped helplessly for breath.
He would always remain empty and alone wouldn't he? Selfish people don't deserve love, do they? The silence would remain as his only friend, wouldn't it? He would never be able to find a different source of comfort than screaming his voice to shreds as he choked for breath.
Never.
💔No. You never even deserved love in the first place. Why would anybody try and find a selfish brat like you somebody to love?💔