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They never dated.
Technically she wasn’t an ex-girlfriend but she was an ex-something, an ex-maybe. An ex-almost.
It was hard to describe their relationship. He wasn’t even quite sure if there was a word that could even perfectly define what they were - stuck somewhere between more than friends but not quite lovers. Though it was confusing at times, it never bothered him before - at least not enough to address it. Whatever they were... worked so there was no point in ruining that. Truthfully, he still struggled with understanding his own feelings for her.
Steve never had a real relationship. Before the serum, girls wouldn’t even give him the time of day. Then he met Peggy and that ended before it could start. What can a man with such lack of experience offer a woman like Natasha Romanoff?
So he pushed aside his feelings and learned to be content with what they had because she deserved better than the shell of the man he had become. Eventually compartmentalization had become his new best friend and everything had gone as planned until she started to take interest in Bruce. He never even saw it coming. As their relationship progressed, his relationship with her regressed and he had no one else to blame but himself. He told himself that distancing himself from her was the respectful thing to do when in reality it was to protect himself from getting hurt because he couldn’t bear to watch her fall for another man - teammate or not. It was selfish of him to have hoped that she would remain in that state of limbo with him forever.
Steve could still remember the night he had given Bruce that stupid advice about not waiting too long but instead of taking his advice, Banner had made the conscious decision to run away and leave Natasha behind. She never openly admitted it and he didn’t need verbal confirmation to know that deep down she hurt. It had taken a while for them to get back to where they were but he wasn’t going to abandon her. He would never abandon her. She was his best friend and he’ll always be there to pick up the pieces no matter what.
Somehow through all of the bullshit, their relationship seemed to have grown even stronger than before and the line between friends and lovers were blurred once again - only this time, it felt different. There was a level of emotional intimacy between them that wasn’t there before and truthfully, he wouldn’t want it any other way. It soon became clear that ignoring his feelings for no longer an option. There were so many times where he found himself thinking about what it would be like if they actually took the next step. Now it seemed like he wasn’t ever going to get the chance to find out since Bruce decided to resurface from his two year disappearance.
Steve sat at the bar with a glass of whiskey in his hand, eyes fixated on the red head and the scientist as they talked across the room. It’s been over an hour and she hasn’t even looked in his direction once - completely focused on whatever conversation she was currently having. He secretly wished he had asked Thor for a bottle of Asgardian mead - at least that would have helped take his mind off of the situation at hand. Pull yourself together Rogers. She’s not your girlfriend.
“Doing alright Cap?” Sam asked with an amused look on his face. “You’re looking a little green.”
“I’m fine.” He loosened his tie and looked away from the pair quickly. The last thing he needed was to give his friends more ammunition to tease him about his crush on Natasha - apparently he wasn’t as good as hiding his feelings as he thought.
“Right.” Sam chuckled. “So this has nothing to do with the fact that a certain redhead’s ex is back in town?”
Steve clenched his jaw and gripped the drink in his hand until his knuckles turned white.
“Take it easy. You’re one squeeze away from breaking the damn glass.” Sam laughed and patted him on the back to reassure his friend. “You don’t have anything to worry about. Natasha loves you.”
Steve nearly choked on his drink. Love? There was no way in hell Natasha Romanoff loved him - at least not as anything more than friends. “I think you took one too many hits in the head today.”
“I’m serious.” Sam said firmly before he waved for Clint to come over to them. “What do you think man? Does Natasha have feelings for Cap?”
“Oh without a doubt.” Clint answered quickly before ordering a drink for himself. “You just gotta put your big boy pants on and make a move.”
“You’re saying she told you she has feelings for me?” Steve raised his eyebrow to show his skepticism.
“She doesn’t have to.” Clint shrugged. “I’ve known her for a long time. I know when she has feelings for someone… besides, you two need to just fuck already.”
“I agree. You know it’s bad when you can feel the sexual tension through the intercom” Sam added with pretend disgust.
“Fuck that. I just want to win the money.”
“What money?” Steve furrowed his brows in confusion. His glanced back and forth between his two friends who looked like they were just caught doing something they weren’t supposed to be doing.
“Did I say money?” Clint said with a nervous chuckle. The look on the super soldier’s face let him know that there was no point in lying. He turned to Sam for help but was quickly shot down.
“You’re on your own with this one.” Sam raised his hand in surrender. “Don’t drag me into your mess.”
“Okay. Well… there’s an ongoing pool. Tony thinks Natasha is going to friendzone you. Sam over here thinks you’re going to fall in love blah blah blah. I on the other hand actually think you’re going to fuck your brains out first before establishing a relationship. Of course there are a few side bets with some of the other people.” He shrugged as if it were public knowledge.
“You guys are unbelievable.” Steve scoffed in disbelief. “Nat would kill you if she found out about this.”
“You think she doesn’t already know?” Clint said with a raised eyebrow. “Natasha is the world’s best spy… She’s even better than me… and I’m going to kick your ass if either of you tell her I said that.”
“Everyone already knows she’s a better spy than you man. It’s not a secret.” Sam said as he rolled his eyes.
“I can’t believe this.” Steve interjected. “You two are supposed to be my friends.” He couldn’t wrap his brain around the idea that people were so interested in his love life or lack thereof. Quite frankly, he found it to be embarrassing and intrusive - even Captain America should be entitled to some kind of privacy. “How much is in the pot already?”
“Not sure. There are new bidders everyday.” Clint shrugged nonchalantly. “Last time I checked it was about a grand.”
“Jesus Christ.” Steve huffed in exasperation and pinched the bridge of his nose. “People really care that much about my love life.”
“I mean, you’re Captain America and she’s the Black Widow. No one really saw this coming.” Sam chuckled. “And everyone is waiting for you to finally lose your virginity.”
Steve shook his head in disbelief as a slight blush crept across his face. “Not that it’s anyone else’s business but why would you think I’m still a virgin.”
“What?” Clint said as he narrowed his eyes at the super soldier. “You’re not a virgin?” He glanced over to Sam who was as equally confused as he was.
“I’m not answering that.” Steve said firmly.
“Answer what?” Natasha said as she walked over to the boys.
“We were talking about Steve’s v card - apparently he swiped that shit back in 40s” Clint said as he ordered more shots.
“Shut up.” Steve glared at the archer.
“So much for bro code.” Sam mumbled with a shake of his head.
“As interesting as that sounds… I actually came over here to steal Steve.” Natasha said. She could tell by the look on the super soldier’s face that there was something wrong and she had a pretty good idea as to why. “Walk with me?”
“Okay.”
Natasha reached for his hand and lead him through the crowds of people until they were outside. The night air was cool and the sky was filled with bright stars.
“Here.” Steve said quietly when he noticed her shiver when the cool breeze passed by. He slipped off his jacket and wrapped it around her small frame, allowing his hands to linger on her skin for a few seconds before he turned away. “How’s Bruce?” The question came out more bitter than he had intended and he secretly wished he could take it back.
“Don’t do that.” Natasha said evenly. She knew that Bruce coming back would cause tension between her and Steve — though he didn’t have anything to worry about. Her brief romance with Bruce was over before it even began. The pain she experienced didn’t even have anything to do with Bruce and all to do with the fact that she was lost and alone. She couldn’t imagine how different things would have been if she didn’t have Steve by her side.
“Do what?” He sighed tiredly.
“Don’t assume that me and him are back together.”
“What do you expect from me Nat? You spent the last hour or so with your ex. How am I supposed to perceive that?” He said frustratedly.
“I expect you to talk to me Steve.” She said softly as she inched closer to him to close the distance. “Bruce and I have history but it’s been over a long time ago — at least for me. I’ve moved on.” She grabbed his chin so he could look at her. “Okay?”
There was a brief moment of silence before he finally nodded his head. “Okay.” He wrapped his hands around her waist and pulled her body closer to his. Then he placed his chin on the top of her head and took in the scent of her shampoo. It was always so easy to get lost in the moment when he was with her as if nothing else in the world mattered. She had a way of helping him remain in the present, out of that dangerous headspace he crawled into when the noise became too overwhelming. When he first came out of the ice, he was lost and confused, forced to assimilate to modern day lifestyle. He remembered how homesick he was and the countless nights he spent wondering how different life would have been if he had just waited for the coordinates instead of crashing the plane into the ice. Would he have lived an entirely different life and married the girl of his dreams? Or would he still have ended up on this path?
These days he chose to believe the latter — that somehow everything he went through lead him straight to Natasha.
He pressed a soft kiss on her forehead and pulled her closer. “Nat?” His voice was barely above a whisper and his heart began to race at the thought of what was about to come out of his mouth. “I don’t want to be friends anymore.” He pulled away so he could look into those beautiful green eyes.
“What?” Confusion was written all over her face.
“I’m sorry — that came out wrong.” He took a deep breath and gathered every ounce of courage he had to continue because if he didn’t tell her now, he might never get the chance to again. “I’ve known you for almost a decade and I’ve probably loved you for just as long. I used to be so lost, always in search of a home, a place where I can feel safe… but what I didn’t realize was home wasn’t a place… it was a person.” He grabbed her hand and laced their fingers together, his eyes never breaking eye contact. “You’re my home Nat. It may have taken me awhile to realize it but you have always been my home.”
“It’s about time.” Natasha said with a smile before leaning up to press her lips to his. It took a few minutes for the initial shock to wear off before he kissed her back with a sense of urgency. His tongue grazed her bottom lip and silently begged for entrance to taste her which she happily allowed. This kiss was so different from their first one in DC. This time he wasn’t uncertain or stiff, this time he kissed her with every intention to claim her. “Woah” she gasped for air when they pulled away. “Someone’s been practicing.”
“I told you before. I don’t need practice.” He chuckled and leaned his forehead onto hers. “You knew.” He murmured as he dipped his head in the crook of her neck.
“Of course I did.” She hummed when she felt his lips brush lightly on her skin. “I was just waiting for you to figure it out.” She cocked her neck and moaned in pleasure when his tongue flicked against the pulse of her neck.
“I’m sorry I took so long.”
“Don’t be sorry. This…” she waved her finger at the both of them. “happened when it was supposed to.” She gasped slightly when his hands found her ass and gripped it. “Not a virgin huh?”
“I think I can show you better than I can tell you.” He smirked before capturing her lips with his.