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After Halsey has finished her solo performance, Jeongguk carefully studies the looks on his hyungdeul’s faces.
All six of them have grins on their faces, clapping and standing up as soon as the music had finished. Jeongguk gets to his feet as well, fighting down tears as he watches their new friend bow and walk off the stage, the dancer who played her lover in the performance, trailing behind her.
Where they’re from, things like this are taboo. Those who do talk about it or try to showcase their views proudly, always end up getting harassed or worse. Most keep quiet, but they are there doing their best to live their lives the best they can.
Jeongguk understands. He fears every day that someone will figure out his big secret and cast him out into the world alone. That his hyungdeul will never want to talk to him again because they are too ashamed of the boy they thought they raised. The company will cast him out because it became public and he will cease being a part of one of the only things that has ever mattered to him so much: BTS.
But looking at his members, at the men who did raise him when they were still trying to figure out how to raise themselves, he knows that could never happen.
Namjoon and Yoongi are clapping the loudest, still smiling even as the crowd settles and the awards show continues. He glances at his hyungdeul from the corner of his eye, glad to find that their smiles haven’t faltered and Taehyung is excitably talking about Halsey’s performance with Yoongi and Seokjin. Jimin and Hoseok are having their own conversation about the choreo and the emotion that both Halsey and her lover conveyed. None of them falter when calling the dancer Halsey’s lover, despite her very obvious feminine form.
Jeongguk tears his gaze back towards the host as she starts to talk and smiles to himself, feeling confident and warm as a plan forms in his head.
❧
They convene in Namjoon’s hotel room after the awards show.
All seven of them squeeze onto the two couches and wait for their food from room service to arrive. There are no cameras present and no staff members because management trusts them enough to hold a broadcast without ruining their images anymore.
It’s the perfect time for Jeongguk’s plan.
He takes a deep breath and takes the plunge.
“I’m bisexual,” Jeongguk says, loud enough to cut through the multiple conversations going on around him. “Like Halsey.”
The silence that befalls them makes Jeongguk feel like he shouted his secret loud enough for the entire world to hear him. The others are staring at him, a few with their mouths agape and others with surprised looks on their faces, but he can only manage to look at them for so long before he starts to panic.
No one is saying anything. Be it words of support and love or those of disgust and shame, Jeongguk would prefer anything over this deafening silence. His heart is doing its best to beat its way out of his chest and his palms are sweaty. He’s glad he was sitting down when he said because he isn’t quite sure he can actually feel his legs anymore.
He twists his hands together and feels his face flush as he looks down at his lap, suddenly ashamed. Feeling lonely.
But a hand grabs his shoulder and suddenly Jeongguk is thrust right into Jimin’s embrace. Jimin rubs his back and holds him steady as Jeongguk begins to shake, fighting back his tears again.
“I’m proud of you, Gukkie. Thank you for telling us,” Jimin says and that breaks the dam of words that his members meant to spill out before.
“Love you, Gguk,” Taehyung says, suddenly behind him as he joins the hug. “We all love you.”
Hoseok comes up behind Jimin and smiles reassuringly at Jeongguk, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “You’re still our brat maknae, Jeongguk-ah. Nothing you say or do will change that, okay? Thank you for feeling safe and comfortable enough to tell us.”
Jeongguk nods, the tears he was doing his best to fight back spilling over. Yoongi wipes his cheeks clean with a napkin and ruffles his hair. “If it makes you feel any better, so am I. I was pretty sure that I made it very obvious, but you aren’t alone, Gguk-ah.”
“Love you, brat. Be gay, do crimes, and all that,” Seokjin shouts as he shoves his face into Jeongguk’s with a wide grin spread across his face.
Namjoon is the last and most important to join their group hug, a fond and indescribable look on his face. “Jeongguk, you’re the baby of the group. We’re gonna support you no matter what, okay? Thank you for telling us. We are all proud of you and we love you so much. You mean the world to us and your sexuality will never get in the way of that.”
Tears stream down his face, but Jeongguk ignores that. Instead, he nods and murmurs his thanks and endures the hugs from everyone until he has managed to stop crying. Their food arrives and they break apart, all of them niggling the others to get something into their system before they start the Vlive.
Jeongguk makes sure that it doesn’t look like he’d been crying before they start and smiles wide for the camera, feeling lighter than he has in a long time.
If this worked, though, then maybe confessing another secret of his will end just as well.
❧
When they have finished the Vlive and all the food they ordered, everyone begins to leave.
Jeongguk stays though, not looking towards his leader until the others have left.
Namjoon is already watching him, his head tilted to the side in curiosity. He obviously wants to ask why Jeongguk is still here but has decided to wait until Jeongguk’s ready to talk.
But Jeongguk’s ready. He’s been ready for a while.
“Hyung, I wanted to talk to you,” Jeongguk murmurs, glancing up at Namjoon’s face before his gaze flickers away. “But we can do this another time if you’re tired.”
Jeongguk doesn’t actually expect Namjoon to brush him off until later, even if they are still in their performance clothes and makeup. A little tipsy from the champagne and beers they had earlier. So he isn’t surprised when Namjoon only smiles and waves his hand for Jeongguk to continue.
“I, um,” Jeongguk starts with, feeling nervous again but wanting to get this out, wanting to let the elder know how he feels. “I really like you, hyung.”
Namjoon’s smile doesn’t falter, doesn’t even change as he says, “I really like you too, Jeongguk-ah.”
But Jeongguk only shakes his head, frowning as he thinks that Namjoon has it all wrong. “No, I mean, like you in a more than friends kind of way. I don’t expect you to feel the same way, but I’ve liked you for a really long time. You were the reason I came to BigHit because I wanted to be close to you since you were so cool, but I never thought we would end up here. I just want you to know is all.”
“Jeongguk, I already know. I could tell you had a crush on me ever since we first met and yes, I found it odd at first because no one had liked me that way before, but you did. You always have and eventually, I realized that I liked you in the same way as well,” Namjoon replies, laughing when Jeongguk only sputters in response. “It was hard not to reciprocate because you’re you and all.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jeongguk asks, feeling mildly offended.
Namjoon only smiles again, the fond look in his eyes from earlier returning. “I just mean that you’re really beautiful inside and out. Anyone who has ever met you can tell you how hard it is to not like you. You love with all your heart, you try your best at everything and then some. You’re always there whenever one of us needs you most or when we don’t. You’re kind and you can only wash your clothes with a specific kind of detergent. I mean that considering how amazing you are, it wasn’t all that difficult to fall in love with you.”
Jeongguk feels his breath catch in his throat. “You’re in love with me? Really?”
“Really,” Namjoon smiles.
“Oh, my God,” Jeongguk whispers to himself, his gaze flickering back to the elder when he stands and makes his way over to Jeongguk on the couch.
Namjoon sits beside him and takes his hand, lifting it up until he can press a kiss to it. “We don’t have to rush anything.”
“I know,” Jeongguk mutters, turning in his seat until he’s facing Namjoon head-on. “I know, but I really want to kiss you right now, hyung.”
“Then go ahead,” Namjoon assures him, a gentle smile showing off his dimples. “Kiss me.”
Jeongguk’s heart leaps into his throat as he leans in and does just that.