Chapter Text
Tamaki, it turned out, had a very bad problem with overthinking.
No, really. It might’ve sounded shocking- whoever would believe that Tamaki, who could barely do anything without verging on a panic attack, overthought so much?
Hah. Ha-ha- hah. Just hilarious.
But all joking aside, Tamaki really did have a problem with overthinking. He thought about his job, about his schooling, about all the people he couldn’t save. Tamaki thought about grocery shopping, about the one judgey cashier at the fast food place near him, and about how the rent for his apartment kept going back up- even though his landlord swore it wasn’t true. He thought and he worried and he painstakingly dissected every little glance and motion and noise from the people around him- and from himself. Which was how he had ended up here. In his hero suit, at the agency, in a locker room, and staring deeply into a mirror.
He thought, maybe most of all, about his family. Not his actual family, of course- he loved them, but no. His family not by blood- Nejire and Fatgum and most of all, his honorary brother Eijirou. Tamaki loved him- dear god, he loved him so much. He had no doubt in his mind that, if it came to it, he would kill for Eijirou. Ei was worthy of, and deserving of, all good things in the world and Tamaki would’ve done absolutely anything to make him smile.
So, Tamaki had of course devoted quite a bit of thought into Ei when he announced that he was dating someone. This “Katsuki” character, if he remembered correctly, had been the winner of the first-year Sports Festival and one of the top 5 in his second year. He was… angry, Tamaki could tell, angry and had a mighty need for some therapy (in his humble opinion). Tamaki was skeptical about him from the start, wary that he might break Ei’s heart.
But it had been one-two-threefourfivesix- nine months since the two started dating, and Katsuki still treated Ei like he was the sky and the stars and king of the entire universe, and Tamaki had dropped his suspicions- if only a little. Ei looked happy, absolutely overjoyed and beaming whenever a text came in from his boyfriend, and Tamaki had to believe it was true. He knew Eijirou too well for the redhead to hide anything from him at this point.
So, Tamaki’s thoughts turned away from doubting the boy that held his brother’s heart- as much- and to the similarities between Katsuki and another impulsive blonde Tamaki knew.
-to be honest, Tamaki had known he was pansexual for what felt like his entire life. There was no shame in that, not now, not when his family and friends knew and loved him all the same. There was no shame in admitting to himself that he’d fallen in love with a man- a man, a boy, someone who was his shining sun and his knight in shining armour and everything and so much more than he ever deserved. There was no shame to be felt in any of that, and Tamaki knew that well.
But sometimes he caught himself yearning and wishing and wondering what a relationship like that would be like, and sometimes he caught himself daydreaming and sometimes the similarities between Katsuki and his dashing blonde stranger were just a bit too obvious to him, and Tamaki was forced to admit the very shameful truth.
He was Amajiki Tamaki, he was gay, and he was oh-so-extremely, head-over-heels in love with his best friend.
So here he was, in full costume, staring into the mirror and talking himself down from a panic attack, and repeating over and over, “you can do this, you can do this.”
Because if Eijirou could buck up the courage to come out, ask for advice, ask someone out and get a boyfriend, all the while knowing painfully well how homophobic the world around him was-
Well, Tamaki figured he could find it in himself to at least entertain the thought of ever confessing to Mirio.
So. He adjusted the pack of supplies strapped to his chest. Pulled on his hood a little, twisted his belt around. Wiggled his toes. Took a deep breath and focused back on the mirror.
“Hey, Mirio.”
No, that was a horrible start.
“Yo, Mirio!-”
ABSOLUTELY not.
“Hey, Mirio?”
Better.
“Can I talk to you about something?” Then, after a pause. “I just… need to say some things.” Okay, okay, a lot better!
“Hey, Mirio, can I talk to you about something? I just need to get a few things off of my chest.” Tamaki paused, looking at his reflection somewhat more confidently. It was just a mirror. He could do this. “Yeah. Uhh… okay, I’ve… had this issue- you know how I’m gay? Well, pansexual, but anyways-” He cleared his throat- he was stuttering, but it was alright. This wasn’t real, and Mirio always said how much he liked Tamaki’s stutter anyways. At the ver least, he didn’t mind it.
So, Tamaki continued, drawing himself up more. “Look, I- this is a little embarassing to admit, but- ah-” He cleared his throat again as the words died on their way up. “I- ah, uh-”
No. Focus.
Tamaki closed his eyes, taking yet another deep breath. He could do this. This was fine. As long- as long as he closed his eyes, he could force up enough confidence to say the words.
“-Mirio, I like you.” He forced out, and his heart jumped. There was anxiety, but also victory flowing through his veins. No, not victory exactly- confidence.
So Tamaki smiled, opened his eyes and leaned closer to the mirror.
“Toogata Mirio, I’m in love with you.”
Clang.
Tamaki jumped, whirling around. Nobody was supposed to be here, nobody was supposed to hear, nobody was supposed to know-
“...Tamaki?”
And Tamaki swore to the heavens above that Mirio’s voice had never made his stomach lurch more than it did then.
The alarm blaring through the agency’s walls was almost as loud as the alarm screaming in his head, but it still forced Tamaki to snap into hero mode and move his body. Turning, he ran out the locker room door, slamming his locker shut as he did so. Mirio might’ve been trying to say something, but it was drowned out by the noise of the rest of the agency, and Tamaki didn't have time to focus on it right now. No, he only had time to pull his hood over his eyes as he pushed past Mirio and ran out the front doors of the agency, hot on Eijirou’s heels, jaw set.
Tamaki might’ve overthought but, he had a job to do now. And heroes didn’t have time to overthink like that.
And he was a hero.
So Tamaki ran and he fought and he rescued, until “Tamaki” turned into “Suneater,” and “Suneater” became preoccupied with doing even more damage control than he’d already done. The fight seemed long, the aftermath seemed longer, and the hard work of pulling civilians out of the rubble and the remnants of buildings and structures seemed longer than it ever should’ve been. There were too many victims here, far too many innocents who’d been wrapped up in this mess. None of them should’ve had to deal with this, but here they were anyways. So Tamaki resolved to comfort them as much as he possibly could, even if not all of them really knew who he was and kept calling him a cycle of random names and monikers.
He lost track of time and faces and names, and when he at last managed to be dragged away from his work, it felt like all the pain in the world had crashed down upon him all at once. Tamaki just suppressed a groan, taking the water offered to him thankfully as he trudged back to the agency, too tired to use his Quirk to make wings or something. The sun was setting, he noted absently. This mission must’ve gone on for longer than he’d thought. No wonder he was hungry.
But, at the very least, it was over now, Tamaki thought to himself as he dragged himself back through the doors and into the locker room. He could take a shower and change and grab food and text his frien-
His heart stopped.
Standing in front of his open locker, Amajiki Tamaki could feel cold sweat pouring down his back and how his stomach seemed to churn despite being empty. To everyone else, it might’ve looked like he was just tired, like he was falling asleep where he stood. But, internally, Tamaki was panicking.
Missed calls and missed messages and ten-twenty-thirty-forty- too many notifications from Nejire and from Yuyu and from his friends and from Mirio. Oh, god, Mirio-
Did those messages ever make him want to scream.
Yuyu had texted him twice, Nejire had called him four times and texted him about thirty, and if he scrolled up, Tamaki could see Mirio’s name. Missed call, missed call, missed call, missed call- over and over and over again, until it all stopped with one text.
“Call me when you see this. We need to talk.”
Tamaki gagged.
The other agency members in the locker room jumped, all turning to gape on him, and all Tamaki could think as his knees went to jelly was don’t vomit in your locker.
He forced himself to stumble forwards, the other sidekicks parting around him like the Red Sea as he took another two steps, gagged again, and then began to run blindly. His mind was screaming at him and his body was shaking and he couldn’t feel-think-hear-see- move anymore-
His head hit something hard, then something cold and smooth, and Tamaki couldn't care less at the moment, he couldn't breathe. So he let himself fall and heaved as the pain throbbed through his face and as the tears overwhelmed his system.
And he panicked.
Maybe it had been an hour, maybe it had been a year, but the point was that Tamaki finally started to hear the voices around him after… however long. Taking a shaky breath in, he coughed wetly and felt a large, warm hand gently rub his back.
“Tamaki, can you hear me?” Fatgum’s voice was filtering into his ears and Tamaki sobbed, curling more into himself as the terrible smell emanating from what might’ve been the last stand from his stomach hit his nose. Fatgum cooed, bringing him closer to his soft, warm body, and Tamaki gladly shoved his face into Fat’s stomach. From somewhere to the side, he could hear a hesitant noise before something grabbed onto his hand. Tamaki loosely curled his fingers around the rough touch, and someone shifted.
“It’s going to be okay.” Eijirou’s voice was soft, and Tamaki brought the hand holding what he figured was Eijirou’s hand closer to his core. He heard Ei huff a little before moving in closer. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Tamaki could remember a similar scene that had happened what felt like years ago, when Ei had first come out. He didn’t have the energy to bring it to the front of his mind, though, so he just allowed himself to be rocked back and forth in the warm embrace of his little agency family, allowed himself to calm a little. Explored the possibility of falling asleep and debated it idly as Fat and Ei murmured to him.
He felt safe with them. So, at the very least, Tamaki could convince himself that he’d be okay- if only for the next ten minutes.
And he was.
Eventually, he calmed down. Eventually, his sobs turned to shaky breathing and the tears lessened from the flood that had been pouring out of his face earlier. Eventually, the smell of sweat and vomit fully sunk into his senses and he wrinkled his nose.
“Guys?” He rasped out quietly, and both Fat and Eijirou jolted backwards before returning to hug him even tighter. Tamaki scoffed quietly.
“Yeah, ‘Ki? Whaddya need?” Eijirou was running his cracked and rough fingers over the back of Tamaki’s hands. It felt like sandpaper. He smiled anyways.
“A shower.” He responded, a little sassily, and Fat laughed.
“Oh, don’t we all.” Tmaki nodded as enthusiastically as he could.
“No offense, but it smells like trash down here right now.” Eijirou scoffed after a second.
“Okay, yeah, it kinda does stink in here.”
“Alright everybody, doggy-pile is done!!” Fat’s voice reverberated into Tamaki’s head as the sidekicks slowly sat up with fake pouts. “Tamaki, Eijirou, you two clean yourselves up and then meet me in my office. I’ll deal with this.”
“Sounds good!! Come on, ‘Ki!” Eijirou was gently tugging him out of what Tamaki now realized was a bathroom stall in a corner of the locker rooms he’d never paid attention to before, leading him over to the showers and shoving him into a stall. Tamaki’s movements were dulled, his eyes heavy, and it took far too much effort to belatedly peel off his hero suit and turn on the water. At least the warmth woke him up a little bit, but he was falling asleep the minute he stepped back out. He dragged clean clothes on, jolting at first when someone touched his head. It was just Eijirou, though, and Tamaki gladly leaned back into the touch as the younger sidekick helped him dry his hair. The kid was filled with apologies whenever he felt he’d been too rough or when Tamaki’s head would sway in one direction too dramatically. Tamaki could only smile tiredly, barely able to focus on staying conscious at the moment. Eijirou helped him dry his hair, then comb it, then carefully pin and tie it out of his face. Tamaki watched Ei’s nose scrunch up as he struggled to pull the last flyaways out of his sempai’s face, and laughed. Ei didn’t even have time to question what was so funny before Tamaki had flopped face-first into his shoulder.
“...you really are exhausted, aren’t you?” He eventually murmured. Tamaki could only hum in response. “C’mon. Let’s meet Fat and then we can go home. Can I sleep over at your place tonight?”
“...don’t you have school tomorrow?”
“I’ve been excused from dorms, according to Fatgum, and it’s a holiday weekend anyways. Remember?” Tamaki thought for a second.
“...alright, but no sneaking your boyfriend in.”
“Hey! When would I ever-”
“Didn’t you say we needed to go to Fatgum’s office? C’monnnnnnn, I don’t wanna get home too late.” Eijirou pouted.
“You’re mean.”
“You love me anyways.” Tamaki grinned shakily, moving to get up and feeling his knees crack and Eijirou rush to support him as he swayed. The younger teen was at his side as they walked to the elevator, using himself as a brace as they went. Up the elevator, down the hall, and through the door to Fatgum’s office. Fat was waiting for them, shooting up from his chair the moment the two entered the room. He was noticeably skinnier now, Tamaki noted, and his desk was covered in all different kinds of foodstuffs. His own stomach growled at the sight, and Fat was instantly at his other side and ushering him to a spot at the table, quickly shoving a plate in front of him before he and Eijirou started piling food high on the thing. Tamaki couldn’t even decline, just point to the small container across the table full of calamari. He ate gratefully, flanked on either side by his little agency family, and feeling warm despite the truly ridiculous amounts of air conditioning blasting through the building at the moment. Curse summer weather.
But it was okay, if only for the moment. So the three ate together, a sort of calming air surrounding them. Fat and Tamaki were still going when Eijirou pushed his plate away, looking barely five seconds away from a food coma. Benefits of non-food-based Quirks, Tamaki thought as he downed yet another chicken wing. Eijirou silently passed him a can of soda as he watched the two devour their food. Everything was silent except for the sound of cutlery and cans on the table and the rustle of take-out bags. Ei shifted in his seat for a second before speaking.
“So, ‘Ki.” Tamaki hummed. “Uh- and this might not be the best time- but is everything okay?? Can I ask who made you freak out like that?”
“Yeah, someone told us that you looked at your phone and just went pale as a sheet and started gagging.” Fat jumped in through a mouthful of yakisoba. “If we need to kick some dumbfuck’s ass-”
“-no, no! No, you don’t have to kick any ass, please!” Tamaki was attempting to talk without letting his food fly out of his mouth. It wasn’t working. Fatgum scoffed.
“Tamaki-”
“- no! No, nothing bad happened, it wasn’t anything wrong with my family, my friends just- I- I made a mistake, okay! I made a mistake a-and now Mi-Mirio h-hates me-” Instantly, the two others were by his side and holding him as he began to hyperventilate.
“Hey, hey, shhh. Breathe with me, okay? Deeeeep breaths, come on.” Fatgum’s voice was right beside him, vibrating into his bones, and Tamaki sucked in a shaky gulp of air. “Hey, slower. In and out.”
And so, Tamaki verged on his second panic attack of the day as his two friends- his family- cuddled him like it was the only thing keeping him grounded. Which, honestly, it might’ve been. But, Tamaki could eventually force himself to breathe, and eventually calmed down enough to talk.
“Th-thank you guys.” He muttered. Ei and Fat hugged him even tighter.
“No problem, ‘Ki. You don’t have to thank us.” Ei responded. Tamaki felt his head go up and down as Fatgum nodded.
“And we’re definitely kicking some ass tomorrow.” He said, and Tamaki squeaked. “Kidding!!”
“But honestly, if he’s hurting you-”
“Ei, he’s not. It was- it was my fault, my m-mistake-”
“-Amajiki Tamaki, we are not going down that road again.” Fatgum interrupted the two. “I highly doubt that whatever happened was your fault, but if I start down that path, I’m going to be sitting here for the next millennia so that I can try and fix things without pressing too hard. Talk about it when you’re comfortable, don’t do it, I don’t care. So help me god, if this kid triggers another panic attack for you, I don’t care what you say, I am tearing him apart.” Tamaki huffed despite himself.
“Well, fine. But now I’m gonna talk about it eventually so that you don’t commit a murder, and I hope you know that now.” Fatgum grinned.
“‘T’s not a murder if you can’t prove it was me.” Tamaki snorted while Eijirou gasped.
“Fat, you can’t-”
“-hide a body that easily,” Tamaki interrupted him, grinning a little. “And you know that very well! You’d have to have at least one accomplice, or at the very least some connections!”
“The police force is bribable-”
“-why the hell are you two heroes???” Eijirou forced in, face not unlike a heartbroken child’s. Tamaki grinned even wider, knowing how dramatic the kid was being.
“Just something to pass the time, I guess.” Fatgum responded, and Ei gasped like a soap-opera actress.
“What horror!”
“It’s a good front, too,” Tamaki added, giggling a little as Eijirou nearly fell over from how dramatically he swooned.
“What deception!”
“Plus, the pay is pretty good.” Fat finished off, and Ei was solidly on the floor at this point from how dramatically he threw himself back.
“What injustice!!”
“That’s not injustice, Ei, that’s blackened morals.” Eijirou pouted from his spot on the floor.
“Dammit, fine. What blackened morals!!”
“Doesn’t have the same ring to it.” Fat put in, and Eijirou grinned despite himself. Tamaki rubbed his eyes with a yawn, a crooked smile stretching across his face. Fatgum raised his brows. “Jeez, dude, get some rest!”
“Yeah, ‘Ki, we should head home. I’m pretty tired too, and it takes forever to get ourselves oriented. Plus, I wanna crash somewhere comfy when my body eventually gives out on me.”
“Mood,” Tamaki forced out, groaning as he dragged himself to his feet (with ample help from Eijirou). “You should get some rest too, Fat. You need it just as much as we do.” The hero scoffed, waving a hand dismissively but still beginning to pack his things anyways. The two boys bid him goodnight, then walked down and to the parking lot of the agency to throw their duffel bags into the trunk of Tamaki’s stupid old car. Ei was bouncing up and down in pace, suddenly full of energy.
“Can I drive???” Tamaki gave him a look.
“Not my car.”
“But whyyyyyy?” Eijirou pouted, and Tamaki sighed as he closed the trunk and walked to the driver’s side door.
“Do you have your license?”
“Well, no-”
“A learner’s permit?”
“-No, but-”
“-have you ever driven a car before?”
“...no.” Tamaki groaned, slipping into his seat as Ei ran over to take shotgun. “I’ve driven a go-kart before!”
“And you crashed it. Put on your seatbelt.” He started the car and the click of a seatbelt sounded off to his right (along with a fair amount of grumbling), and the two were off, lethargically fighting over the music as they went.
“I want that station, though!”
“And I want this one.”
“And why do you get to choose the music?”
“Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole.”
“You stole that from one of the weird American TV shows that Yuyu likes, didn’t you?”
“No, I stole it from the one Nejire likes.”
“Oh, come on-”
It was a miracle then car pulled into the apartment parking lot without a slap fight breaking out.
They dragged themselves up the stairs, Tamaki fumbling with the lock to his door before swinging the thing open. They kicked off their shoes, barely remembering to close the door behind them, and as Tamaki walked into the living space he wondered if he’d locked the door. He couldn’t find it in himself to care.
“Hey ‘Kiiiiii,” Eijirou’s voice drawled from somewhere else in the house.
“Whaaaaattt.” Tamaki drawled back.
“Can I steal one of your shirts for pyjamaaaaasssss?”
“Fiiiiiiine.” He shoved the leftover food he’d brought into the fridge, dragging the duffel bags in the vague direction of his washing machine before stumbling down the hall and into the bedroom. Eijirou had shucked off his shirt and pants and was sitting in front of the dresser, rifling through the drawers in only his socks and boxers. Tamaki just sighed, throwing off his clothes as well and dragging the clips and elastics out of his hair. His pyjamas were thrown somewhere around the room and it was a small miracle that he managed to put on the right pair of pants without falling on his face. There was a thunk, and he looked over to see Eijirou had given up his search, head resting against the dresser. Tamaki smiled a bit.
“Hey.”
“What.” Eijirou forced out, before being smacked with the shirt that finished Tamaki’s sleep set. He grumbled at the shock, dragging on the piece of clothing and clumsily removing his socks. “Do we have to set up a bed for me?”
“There’s no way in hell I’m doing that now. We’re sharing a bed.”
“Sick.” Ei dragged himself over and flopped face first onto the bed, the frame creaking from the impact. Tamaki followed after him, kicking some limbs out of the way in order to actually fit on the mattress.
The two were asleep faster than either of them realized.