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Dan opened his eyes.
“C’mon, Dad!” Trixe waved at him across the street. She was wearing her new backpack and fidgeting impatiently.
What was he late for now? Man, he really had to get it together. Chloe was gonna kill him.
Dan started across the street, but the cars kept whizzing past.
“I’ll be there in a second, honey!” He looked around for a crosswalk.
“Dad! Seriously? We’re gonna be late!”
He was so focused on Trixie’s face, so frustrated and disappointed. He didn’t notice Malcolm Graham until he was right behind Trixie, and Trixie’s frustration turned to shock and pain.
“Trixie!” Dan screamed, bolting across the street, weaving in between cars.
He should’ve been there. He should’ve risked it. Malcolm didn’t even run. He just stood there, his greasy smile beaming.
“Trix, oh God, Trixie!”
Dan pulled Trixie into his arms and checked for breathing. There was blood, so much blood, and he bowed over her, a wail working its way up from deep inside him as he begged God to take him instead—
Dan opened his eyes.
“C’mon, Dad!”
Dan blinked. He was at Chloe’s place. Trixie was standing by the kitchen counter, one arm around a huge bowl as she stirred.
“Did you bring the waffle-maker?” She frowned at him, looking at his hands. “You didn’t forget, did you? How are we supposed to make waffles?”
“Oh, God. Trix, I’m sorry.” Dan came up to the counter.
The door opened. Shots fired. Dan moved to push Trixie down, but blood was already spreading over her chest as she choked on the blood welling up in the back of her throat.
‘D-Daddy,” she gasped.
The Russian mobster sent another spray of bullets over their heads.
Dan opened his eyes.
“Dad, c’mon.” Trixie stared down at him from the stage.
“Just try it, hon,” Dan said. “Let’s try a location, first.”
“Penthouse!” a woman in the improv group yelled from the seats in front of the stage.
Trixie sighed and sat on the high-end sofa. She crossed her arms and frowned. Funny. Their props were usually the cheap folding chairs already in the center.
“Great. How about a situation?” Dan encouraged.
“Caught in the crossfire!” someone else yelled.
“What?” Dan looked into the crowd. He didn’t know any of these people.
Trixie screamed.
When Dan looked up to the stage, Ponyboy Grabowski had a gun trained on Trixie, and he shot her right in the head, splattering her brains across the stage.
Dan opened his eyes.
“C’mon, Dad!”
Dan blinked. He was at Chloe’s place. Trixie was standing by the kitchen counter, one arm around a huge bowl as she stirred.
Dan’s heart began to pound. Hadn’t he just…? What was happening?
“Where’s the waffle-maker?” Trixie frowned at him. “You didn’t forget again, did you? How are we gonna make waffles?”
“Oh, God. Trix, I’m sorry.” Dan came up to the counter.
The door opened. Dan reached for his gun, but it wasn’t there.
“No worries!” Lucifer sang as he came in. He strolled casually up to the counter and set a waffle maker down. “Have at it, urchin.”
“Lucifer!” Dan relaxed his shoulders. “Dammit, you scared me to death.”
“You have no idea, Detective Douche.” Lucifer tilted his head to the side and slipped his hands in his pockets. “I’m disappointed, Daniel. I always assumed with your never-ending supply of self-righteousness, you’d stay far away from my domain.”
“You’re so weird.” Trixie pulled a waffle off of the iron and put it on a plate. “Do you want whipped cream on yours, Daddy?”
“You don’t have to keep doing this. Go take a break.’ Lucifer jerked his head toward the door.
Trixie rolled her eyes and left for her room with the waffle in hand.
“Wait, what?” Dan looked between Lucifer and Trixie. The door slammed behind her. “What’s happening?”
“Take a load off, Douche. We need to have a talk.”
“No!” Dan smacked his palm against the counter. “You tell me what’s going on right now.”
Lucifer’s easy smile turned wicked. “Trust me, you don’t want to get on my bad side right now. Get on my nerves, and I walk out that door, and back you go to watching your daughter die over and over on a loop.”
“That… I thought it seemed familiar… Lucifer, what’s happening? Am I dreaming? It feels so real.”
Lucifer put his arm around Dan’s shoulders and guided him over to take a seat at the counter. “It is, unfortunately, as real as anything gets down here. You’re in Hell, Dan.”
“What? Are you crazy? I mean, I always knew you were kind of crazy, with the devil talk, but—“
“Trixie dies. Violently. Every time at the hands of some criminal you helped or associated with.” Lucifer crossed his legs and folded his hands over his knee. “You don’t find that the slightest bit on the nose? Got to say, Hell isn’t always creative. Oh, it is when you put the demons in charge of the rooms, but we only do that with the hardest cases. You know. Neo-nazis, rapists, people who can’t and don’t feel guilt for their actions, but aren’t welcome in the Silver City.”
A panic was starting to settle into Dan’s chest.
“Charlotte had dreams like this,” he muttered.
“Because Charlotte went to Hell. Well, the first time she died. The second, Amenadiel took her up to Heaven.” Lucifer sighed. “I’ll never see her again, of course, but I did like the old girl. She tried very hard. And so smart. I couldn’t get a scrap on Pierce, maybe partially because his plans never made all that much sense, but she was admirably devious and wily. In the long run, he would’ve been no match for her. I appreciated that.”
“I… I’m in Hell.” Dan looked around the apartment wildly. “Hell looks like Chloe’s place.”
“For the moment, you’re just in your personal Hell. You’re in your room, which means it’s personalized to your own memories, failures, guilt, and unresolved business.” Lucifer raised a hand and pointed towards Trixie’s room. “Something to do with your daughter. Tell me what it is.”
Dan shook his head. “What father wouldn’t fear his daughter’s death?”
“No, no. There’s something eating at you. Or you wouldn’t be in Hell at all.” Lucifer poked his chest. “You’ve saved a lot of lives, in your line of work. Malcolm Graham, I get. Palmetto was a clusterfuck. But the Russian mobsters? The Los Xes? You must’ve been involved in a lot more shady dealings than I ever knew.”
Lucifer smirked. “Sort of makes me like you more. Sort of.”
Dan sighed heavily. “Yeah, I… I did some stuff. Cut some corners, maybe, to get justice.”
“And Ponyboy? What was that one about?” Lucifer pressed.
Dan pursed his lips. “Well, it started with someone breaking Julian McCaffrey’s back.”
“Yes. I did that.” Lucifer’s smile turned to a grimace. “And I admit that I went too far in going after him. He’d just killed Joan and was mocking those poor girls he’d been trafficking. Just couldn’t abide by that level of smug, evil—“
Lucifer’s eyes flashed red, and Dan nearly fell out of his chair. Lucifer held his hands up and took a deep breath.
“I’ve got it. I’m cool.”
“Y-You’re the Devil,” Dan whispered.
“I was always very open about that.”
Dan blinked several times. A wave of prickles washed over his legs and suddenly he could barely feel them.
“I, um, Malcolm said Hell uses what you love against you… I guess Trixie…”
“He was wrong. I wasn’t here then, but my guess is that the first time around he was as irritating as he is now. Doesn’t feel bad about a damn thing, plus he let on a bit early that he shot their king, so the demons are having a bloody party in there.” Lucifer chuckled. “And he deserves every moment. I even dropped in for a few loops. Had a nice meal in front of him, while every bite he took turned into spiders in his mouth. That one’s always fun, for the hard cases.”
Dan rubbed his hand over his lips. His stomach had grown so tight that he thought he might throw up, but could you really get nauseated in Hell? Or was that the point? His eyes lifted to the impossibly handsome man in front of him. Somehow Lucifer was even more attractive now. It was like a glow was coming off of him. Like Charlotte in the old days.
“Are you part of my torture? Showing up for Trixie when I can’t?”
Lucifer made a frustrated noise. “No. We’ve been very hands off with you. New protocol, and all that. I’m here to get you to confess. If you don’t feel guilty anymore, then I have some leeway.” He swatted Dan’s shoulder. “So out with it. What did you do? It wouldn’t be enough that Trixie was at my place when Ponyboy came in. You had to have done something. Were you supposed to pick her up that night, and the tricksy child gave you the slip? Were you the one who gave her the idea to come interrogate m’bloody girlfriend?”
“What? No.” Dan swallowed hard. “I…” Lucifer was going to leave him here, after hearing what he’d done. He was going to let him rot in this Holodeck Hell. “I told Jacob Tiernan that you were the one who broke his son’s back.”
Lucifer’s eyes began to burn again. He stood, towering over Dan. “Did you, now.”
“I knew he’d come after you. I was so angry that year, about Charlotte—“
“I didn’t kill Charlotte you selfish, hypocritical asshole! I made mistakes with Pierce, but it’s not like any of you believed me from day one when I was kidnapped!” Lucifer backhanded the stool and sent it flying into the wall, where it collapsed in a spray of splinters. “What was I supposed to do, keep trying to tell you, while you lot all think I’m certifiable? Show you m’wings, and have you commit yourself?”
“You have wings?”
FWOOM!
A gust of air hit Dan as Lucifer’s wings appeared. Dan was staring to grow dizzy as well as sick.
“Well, don’t just sit there gaping. You know your brain is dying while the two of us suss this out.” Lucifer glared at him, then rolled his shoulders back and the wings disappeared. “I mean, what’s left of it.”
“I-I’m not dead?”
“You’re definitely dead. Or you wouldn’t be here.” Lucifer put his hands on his hips. “But it’s not yet been a full minute since you died. Not up there, anyway. So let’s get this straight. You’re here because you feel guilty, not for trying to murder me—not that you could—but because your actions almost led to Trixie’s death. Have I got that right, wanker?”
“I- Yeah. That’s it.”
“Do you have any guilt over the fact that you could have very well killed my girlfriend, Eve, as well? Eve was an innocent. More or less. I was the one who broke McCaffrey’s back. Why didn’t you just shoot me? Why can’t people do their own dirty work?”
“Doing it myself just felt more like…” Dan shook his head.
“Like a real murder?” Lucifer rolled his eyes and swayed backward as he looked straight up, shaking his head. “It’s really painful, the games of Twister you humans play to get around your own sense of morality. Even more so that it hardly ever works. Then you still end up here on my doorstep. If I were really so bad, you could’ve arranged for a bit of friendly fire on a case, y’know.”
“It was murder. I was trying to murder you, and…” Dan let out a shaky breath. “It was all because I couldn’t stop blaming myself for Charlotte’s death. It was so much easier to project everything onto you.”
Lucifer raised a brow. “That sounds… evolved.”
“I started seeing Linda a few years ago,” Dan admitted.
“She’s good.” Lucifer nodded. “Put up with being the Devil’s shrink for years.”
“And I do so much shit. I mean, I did. And Trixie almost paid the price. Eve almost did, and she never did a damn thing to me.” Dan got to his feet and ran a hand through his hair. “And you… Whatever else you did, I shouldn’t have sent that guy after you. If you shouldn’t color outside the lines to get justice, I shouldn’t either. You’re right. I’m a fucking hypocrite. If you were just a regular guy, I’d be responsible for your murder, too.”
Lucifer nodded gravely. Then, he came close to him and slapped Dan on the back.
“Right then. Now here’s your unreality check: I am the Devil. And that means that, first, you couldn’t’ve killed me by sending some random hitman after me. It didn’t work when Amenadiel sent Malcolm Graham, and it wouldn’t work with Ponyboy. Second, since I was there, Eve and Trixie were safe. I am the Devil. I took care of those blokes quite handily. Trixie was never in real danger because she was with me.”
Lucifer shuddered. “Dad forbid the thought a child actually benefits from my presence. Anyway. The point is: You made a bad decision. You need not feel any guilt on my account, and while you’ve made bad choices, you’re clearly getting help now.”
He headed for the door and beckoned him one hand.
“C’mon, Daniel.”
Dan followed, his steps hesitant. But Lucifer was in charge here. Dan really should do as he was told.
“You’re really not angry with me?”
“I am a bit. But you have to understand that time passes differently here.”
Dan stepped out of the room into… He couldn’t describe what he was looking at exactly. His vision seemed to blur every time he turned his head. Ash floated in the air around them. And there were miles and miles of paths around them, with columns short and tall, and little glowing doors speckling the otherwise greyscale landscape.
“It’s been quite a long time since that happened, for me,” Lucifer said, turning to face him.
“You…” The air left Dan’s lungs as he stared up at him. “You’ve been stuck here all this time? How long?”
Lucifer shrugged. “There’s not a fixed exchange rate. Sometimes a year per second, sometimes less.”
Dan tried to swallow but couldn’t. He couldn’t imagine staying here for an hour, let alone what must’ve been thousands of years by now.
“Don’t go feeling sympathy for me. Someone has to keep the legions of Hell in line.” Lucifer pressed his lips together. “Now, you’re heading back, but you’ve got to do something for me.”
“I get one of Lucifer Morningstar’s famous deals?”
“Hardly. I just want you to give the Detective a message for me.”
That was hard to refuse him. If he weren’t hallucinating or having a coma dream or something.
“Shoot,” Dan said.
“Tell her…” Lucifer faltered, as though he hadn’t thought this far. Or he didn’t want to tell Dan exactly what he wanted to say. “Tell her that I’m holding up. Tell her that I remember her, and I would never forget. Tell her… In some ways, remembering her is what helps me… stay me.”
“Lucifer—“
Before Dan could figure out what to say to that, Lucifer had grabbed both of his shoulders and was lifting him up…
And…
Dan opened his eyes. He blinked and looked around. A wave of relief washed over him. He didn’t recognize this place at all.
Or, maybe he did. What had—? Oh, they’d been on a stakeout. Their suspect had tried to hurt the woman staying with him, and Dan had gone in…
Chloe hovered nearby, holding her phone and pressing to get past the EMT. She must have caught the guy. Her attention seemed undivided.
“Ma’am, we need to get him to the hospital.” The EMTs brought out a stretcher and prepared to put him on it.
“Wait, wait…” Dan gasped.
“You can talk to her after we’ve got you stable, detective,” the EMT said.
And they swept him away.
Dan was afraid that he’d forget what had happened. He went under for surgery to get the bullets out, but when he woke, the memories were sharper than ever. The sound of the gunshots, Trixie’s screams, the feeling of her life slipping away in his arms.
The look on Lucifer’s face as he gave Dan his message for Chloe.
When she came in, her hair tied back messily, and her eyes tired from the long stakeout and probably from being up all night worried about him, Dan felt his mouth go dry again.
What if she didn’t believe him? What if it had been a dream, or… breakdown?
“Thank God,” Chloe said as she came to sit by him.
“I don’t think God has anything to do with it,” Dan muttered.
“I felt so bad after I realized he’d shot you. I knew he got past you, but—“
“It’s how it goes, Chlo… We’ve been in situations like this dozens of times. Things happen on the job. Look. I-I don’t know if this was all just my brain firing randomly when I was shot or…” Dan tried to push himself up a little in the hospital bed.
Chloe put a hand on his shoulder. “Just take it easy.”
“I don’t know how this works, but… I think I went to Hell.”
Chloe pinched her lips together and paled. “What makes you think that?”
“’Cause I saw Lucifer, and he said I was in Hell.”
Part of him had been willing to doubt it. Try to sweep it under his subconscious, only bringing it out, maybe, in therapy with Linda if pressed. Dream interpretation. Unresolved guilt. But the look on Chloe’s face cemented the reality for him. She believed him.
She not just believed… She already knew this was possible.
Chloe’s eyes began to shine, and her jaw tightened, and she nodded, slightly. “He, um, he got you out?”
“Yeah. And he had a message. For you.”
It hurt, seeing how she crumbled, hearing Lucifer’s message. How sad she was, but also the relief that came with hearing that he was “himself,” whatever that meant.
Dan took her hand. “I don’t understand why he let me out. If he could let me go, he could’ve sent someone else. I doubt he likes me any better after our talk.”
“You know Lucifer. It’s always personal. He probably did it for me. And for Trixie. He’s got…” Chloe wiped wetness from her cheeks. “You know, this thing about absent fathers.”
“Geez.” Dan couldn’t help but laugh, a little manically. “No doubt.”
“Speaking of.” Chloe rose and went to the doorway.
“Daddy!”
Trixie ran into the room, worry written on every line of her face. Dan held a hand out, and she came into his arms in a rush.
“Careful!” Chloe urged.
Dan half-expected someone to crash in and destroy their moment, taking Chloe and Trixie from him. But no one did. He was out. For now.
“Mom, are you okay?” Trixie asked.
“I’m fine, monkey.” Chloe forced a smile. “I just… I’ll be back in a minute. You keep your dad company, okay?”
Dan rubbed Trixie’s back as he watched Chloe leave. Trying to relax back in his hospital bed, Dan didn’t wish Chloe’s position on anyone. He didn’t know if he’d done either of them a favor by giving her Lucifer’s message, either.
But knowing that Lucifer was okay had to be better than not knowing. And Dan knowing what was waiting for him if he couldn’t get it together… definitely a good motivator, although he felt a little like he was going insane. This all would be impossible to grapple with, if it were so obvious that Chloe understood all of what was going on and affirmed his experience. He was going to have to talk to Linda, and Amenadiel, and when she was ready… Chloe.
Their lives were so, so weird. Dan took a breath and counted himself lucky for this chance. Charlotte had done it, so, Dan figured, he at least had a shot.