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Gabriel sighed to himself as he strolled down the busy human street. He was on his way to check up on that highly annoying and rather useless angel, Aziraphale. He didn’t much like interacting with the soft little idiot but unfortunately due to his uselessness, Aziraphale had to be checked up upon frequently. Gabriel expected this meeting to go like all of the others: Aziraphale would stumble his way through an explanation of what he had been occupying himself with since the last check up, acting like everything was going perfectly fine, while Gabriel listened with a fixed smile as internally he tried to work out whether Aziraphale was covering up something he had done or creating an excuse for something he hadn’t done. Either way, Gabriel neither enjoyed the meetings nor the soft angel himself, but at least he could wind Aziraphale up and embarrass him in front of other humans; that he did enjoy.
Upon reaching the doorway of the bookshop, Gabriel paused, exhaled sharply, and put on his usual fixed business smile before striding confidently through the double doors. Unexpectedly, it was rather quiet and empty inside. Nobody was browsing through the endless collection of Aziraphale’s human trinkets, and there didn’t seem to be any sign of Aziraphale either.
“Hello? Aziraphale?” Gabriel called cheerfully, looking around as he slowly ventured further into the main room. The only response he got was a succession of thuds followed by a soft ‘oooww’ that came from around the corner in the side room. Gabriel’s smile was instantly replaced with a frown of confusion as he headed towards the noise. He peaked his head around the corner.
“Aziraphale? Oh!”
Gabriel had looked down to see a man he didn’t recognise. This man was sprawled out on a pile of books, with some more books on top of him. He had clearly fallen over and knocked one of the shelves, causing a shower of books to rain down on him. That explained the multiple thuds Gabriel had heard.
The man looked up at him, head lolling a little. His large sunglasses wonkily perched on the tip of his pointed nose, the small, loose tie he wore around his neck was twisted, and in his hand he held an empty wine glass. The man’s light grey three-piece suit was still in a relatively good condition, however the jacket was barely resting on his wide shoulders. His soft pink hair, on the other hand, was all over the place.
“W-who are youuu?” The man slurred, his face melting into a quizzical expression. Gabriel put on his polite smile once again and walked over to the man, offering a hand to him. Gabriel couldn’t help but notice the man’s four eyes that had been revealed by the current placement of the wonky sunglasses, however he kept up with the polite smile regardless.
“My name is Gabriel, and I’m looking for Aziraphale? He’s the owner of this establishment,” Gabriel said in his usual tone of false kindness. The man looked at the outstretched hand, squinted all of his eyes before reaching out with a wobbly free hand and grabbing hold. Gabriel pulled the man up and was about to let go when the man rocked on his feet like he was about to fall over again, causing Gabriel to instinctively reach out with his other hand and place it on the man’s shoulder.
“I’mmm ffine,” the man murmured, before letting go of Gabriel’s hand and using it to steady himself on the nearest bookshelf. “Azzziiiiraaphaaallle…” he said slowly, looking at Gabriel intently. It was at this point Gabriel noticed the sharp teeth. He began to feel a bit uneasy; whatever this man was, he clearly wasn’t human. Nevertheless, Gabriel kept up with the formality.
“Yes, Aziraphale. Do you happen to know where he is?” Gabriel said, beginning to get tired of this man’s foolish behaviour. The man’s expression showed that he was deep in thought, while he momentarily let go of the bookshelf to push up his sunglasses.
“My, my… you’re quite the lllooker, aren’t you?” The man said with a vague smile after a short while of thinking. Gabriel was taken aback, bewildered. There was a strange humanoid creature in the residence of one of his angels, and he had then just… flirted with him? Gabriel had gotten a little irritated at this point.
“Look, who exactly are you?” Gabriel said in a stern tone, his mask of friendliness now gone. Unfortunately, the man just raised his eyebrows and smirked.
“Oooooohh a bit touchyy are weee?” The man teased, smirk turning into a wide teasing grin. When Gabriel remained unimpressed, the man’s face fell. “Fffine. The name’sss Raphael,” the man said, taking his free hand off of the bookshelf and holding it out to Gabriel. The archangel’s expression shifted to a puzzled one as he tentatively took the hand and shook it. As he let go, Raphael wobbled and rocked on his feet once again before falling forwards onto his front. There was a clatter as the sunglasses flew off of his face and a shatter as the wine glass in his hand broke on the hard-wooden floor followed by another moan of ‘ooowww’. Gabriel rolled his eyes and this time didn’t make an attempt to help Raphael up. He looked down at him on the floor.
“So, your name is Raphael?” Gabriel asked, watching Raphael roll onto his back and begin to pick out shards of glass from his hand.
“Yesss it is. Lissssten, can you, uuuhhh, help me up?” Raphael whimpered, holding up a hand to Gabriel that was oozing thick silver blood from multiple wounds.
“No.”
“Awww, okay,” Raphael said dejectedly, pouting and letting his hand go limp. “So, youuu said that you were… looking for this Azira fella?” Raphael inquired softly, looking like he was about to cry. Gabriel avoided making direct eye contact with Raphael, as there were just too many to focus on, plus they were kind of unnerving anyway.
“Yes, have you seen him? He’s normally here,” Gabriel clarified, articulating the words clearer than normal so his drunken acquaintance could hopefully pick up what he was asking for. Raphael’s face scrunched into an over-exaggerated expression of concentration and he raised the non-bloody hand to stroke his chin thoughtfully. Gabriel sighed in exasperation and briefly stared at the ceiling. At this point he was wishing that he had never come here and that he had something else to do. He looked back down at Raphael and watched him think.
“Ah!” Raphael suddenly burst out with a wide smile, causing Gabriel to jump slightly.
“Yes? Have you remembered?” Gabriel asked in a vaguely eager tone; he was so ready to be done with this whole encounter. Raphael looked up with bright and excited eyes at Gabriel.
“He’ssss not here!” Raphael exclaimed proudly. Gabriel sighed once again. All of that time waiting just to be told that Aziraphale isn’t even there.
“Okay, but do you have any idea where he is?” Gabriel was getting very exasperated and reaching the end of his patience.
“Weeeellll… yes and no,” Raphael said as he finally made an effort to get up off of the floor, using the bookshelf next to him as support. “Sooo he’s kinda inn m-“ At this point Gabriel really had run out of patience and spun round to stride back out of the bookshop, no longer wanting to listen to the drunken idiot.
“Well, if and when you see him, tell him that I was here,” Gabriel called as he made his way to the front door. “That’s if you even remember,” he muttered to himself as he grabbed the handle and yanked it open.
“Okay… wait!” Gabriel stopped in the door and turned to look once more at the strange man in the grey suit. His expression was one of irritation.
“What?”
“Try not to miss me!” Raphael said sweetly, grinning and winking with the two eyes that were on the right side of his face. Gabriel hastily left; he simply couldn’t deal with this strange creature anymore.
For the rest of the day, Raphael slowly sobered up while facing the worst internal conflict he had ever experienced. One part of him felt incredible shame and guilt for acting so foolish in front of a stranger, and not only that, a stranger that he felt like had some sort of authority. Another part of him, however, thought that his interaction with this Gabriel guy was one of the most hilarious things he had ever seen.