Chapter Text
Panda jumps when he hears an ear-piercing scratch. The dish in his hand clatters into the sink. He’s trying to do the dishes but is unfocused and accidentally scraped a claw against the plate he was holding.
He should be cleaning the dishes while Charlie dries them, like happens most nights, but Charlie uncharacteristically rejected the bears’ dinner invitation tonight.
They had an exhausting day helping Charlie retrieve his lost snake babies. One had almost met its demise, but Charlie had incredibly scaled a cliff to save the creature. Things got even more exhausting, emotionally, when the babies’ parents arrived, and Charlie had to give them up. He had gotten so attached; he fell in love with being a father to the little ones. Panda found it endearing to see him being so nurturing. He knows Charlie is sweet and full of more love than anyone he has ever met, but this was something else.
The bears had invited a dejected Charlie back to the cave so they could play cornhole and give him much needed company. He accepted, and they had a good evening playing cornhole, but it was clear Charlie’s mind wasn’t entirely there. His mood only seemed to falter throughout the evening despite the jolly company of the bears. The loss of the snake babies probably became more evident as time went on. When they asked him to stay for dinner, he rejected the offer. Charlie never rejects dinner with the bears.
Panda had tried to pull Charlie aside and talk to him, but he wouldn’t budge. He clearly wasn’t ready to talk about what happened yet. Panda had just hugged him tight and reminded him he’s here for him. Now, he wishes he had done more, said something different. Maybe he should go check on Charlie now – no, he probably needs space. But he could bring him some leftov – no, no. Earlier he made it clear he wouldn’t be receptive to any sort of attention.
The rest of the time doing dishes Panda spends reliving the day in his head and agonizing over what he could have done to better help Charlie. Eventually, an idea strikes him. It’s perfect. Maybe he can’t redo earlier, but he comes up with the perfect plan to help make Charlie feel better.
He thinks he might know how he can give Charlie a final taste of fatherhood and some closure. At least, until he can be a dad to his own kids one day.
Maybe it’s dumb, maybe Charlie won’t connect with the creatures. But he wants to gather some caterpillars, find a shelter to keep them contained in, and bring them to Charlie for him to raise. This way, Charlie can spend a couple of weeks taking care of them. It’s at least a more fulfilling amount of time than the couple of days he had with the snake babies. He’ll be able to see the caterpillars grow and move through their life cycle. He can eventually send them off as butterflies. This will allow him to see tangible results of his good parenting and he won’t have to take any creatures away from their parents.
It’s the best Panda can do for him. He aches, he wants to do something to help. This might be just what Charlie needs.
So, Panda dries his paws off and runs to the store to grab the supplies he needs.
Really, he just needs to find some sort of netted container to hold the caterpillars in. Nature will provide everything else.
It’s getting late when he returns, and he figures he can wake up early to finish preparing everything. He’ll just need to catch some caterpillars come morning, then he will have all day to help Charlie take care of them.
In the morning, Panda awakens to his bubbly anime theme song alarm. A good start to a good day. He usually has a hard time getting out of bed, but today his nerves and excitement wake him right up. He takes a quick shower and heads to the kitchen to grab a quick breakfast for he and Charlie to eat. He runs into his younger brother who is up to prepare breakfast for the brothers. Ice Bear leans against the counter, raising a questioning eyebrow at Panda.
“Oh, hey bro!” Panda nervously says. Oh, yeah. He’ll need to explain to his brothers his mildly embarrassing plan. They’ll think it’s sweet and will agree with it, of course, but he’s sure he will get teased. They’ve asked him numerous times if he’s growing feelings for Charlie, but he has denied it thus far. His brothers have also insisted several times that Charlie has flirted with Panda, which he vehemently denies. Okay, maybe he and Charlie do have something going on, but he himself can’t figure it out. He doesn’t need other people putting ideas in his head or getting involved. He’s confused enough as is.
“No need to make me breakfast! I’m gonna go check on Charlie and bring some food for him,” Panda says when his brother just expectantly stares at him.
“There are poptarts in the pantry,” Ice Bear replies. “Update us on how Charlie is when you can.”
“Oh, thanks! Sure,” Panda says, grabbing the poptarts and then moving to grab a plastic container from the cabinet.
“What’s tupperware for,” Ice Bear asks.
“Oh! Um,” Panda says. He doesn’t know how to make this sound like anything but a romantic gesture. “Well, I was just thinking ‘Oh, Charlie was so sad after losing his snake babies yesterday! I need to do something about this!’ So, I figured I’d help him fill that void with some caterpillars. Was just gonna catch some and help put up a shelter for them, maybe help him raise them until they grow up, you know? Just anything a good friend would do, really.”
“Ice Bear thinks that is perfect way to woo Charlie,” his little brother says. Panda grinds his teeth and turns away, knowing this is a fight he will lose. He quickly gathers up what he needs for his day, including snatching an empty spray bottle from underneath the sink, and heads out the door. “I’ll be home late!” he says on his way out.
Once he has made his way into the woods, Panda punctures the lid of the plastic container with his claws to make some airholes and fills it with some grass and dirt. He just needs it to transport the caterpillars to Charlie’s place, so he isn’t too worried about fancying it up.
He turns over every leaf he can in search of caterpillars until he has gathered five black, white, and yellow striped caterpillars. They’re a little more than an inch long and are quite fat with cute, long black feelers extending from the front and back. Even he, ever squeamish as he is, has to admit they’re pretty adorable. Charlie will love them. He pops the lid on and heads to Charlie’s.
Panda finds Charlie drawing in the dirt near his car-home. He drops the shelter, poptarts, and spray bottle in the bushes nearby so he can easily surprise Charlie with the container of caterpillars, which he hides behind his back. Despite Charlie’s foul mood yesterday, he is rather chipper when he sees Panda.
“Pan-man!” he jumps up to greet the bear, his voice laced with joy. His dark undereye circles that he had yesterday have, thankfully, faded. “What’re you doing here? It’s so early!”
A string of dreadful thoughts file through Panda’s brain just as he’s about to present Charlie with the caterpillars. God, what if it’s too soon? What if the subject of fatherhood is genuinely too sensitive, too raw? What if Charlie doesn’t care about bugs like he does animals?
He takes a deep breath and pulls the caterpillars out from behind his back, peeling the lid off.
“Uh, ta-da!” he nervously exclaims.
Charlie peers down inside the container and then shoots Panda a curious look. “Some caterpillars? They’re awful cute!”
Despite his confused reaction, he puts his finger next to one so it can crawl onto his hand. When it obliges, he giggles and happily plays around with it.
“Yeah! I thought maybe, after yesterday,” he really should have thought through how to word this to Charlie. He feels ridiculous giving the man some caterpillars. Now that he thinks about it, he thinks he has seen Charlie eat caterpillars before. Well, too late now. “I thought it might be nice if we could raise some caterpillars together? We can see them grow, and, you know. It could be fun,” he finally spits out, his voice laced with hesitance.
Charlie’s eyes glimmer in response. He peers into the container with a warm look.
“Panda,” he softly says. “You wanna raise ‘em with me?” he glances up at Panda.
That’s not the part Panda thought Charlie would fixate on. Panda is so flustered; he has no idea how he will manage to answer. “Y-Yeah! Charlie, I just. You’re a wonderful dad, you deserve to show that off. And I’d love to help!”
And god is he a good dad. He turns and runs to rummage through his car until he comes out wearing two of the same neon-colored fanny packs he used to care for the snake babies. They are strapped around his waist and he has a baby bottle in hand. The third fanny pack, the pink one, he holds out to Panda.
“Here you go! If you’re gonna be a dad, you’ll need this,” he proudly states.
Panda’s eye twitches. “Charlie, what do you even have in these? I don’t think a caterpillar will need much more than leaves, water, and sunlight.”
“Nonsense!” Charlie says. He dumps the contents of his fanny packs onto the ground. “Let’s see. We got baby powder, some pacifiers, diapers, cheesy poofs, a rattle, a blanket. Really everything a baby needs, pumpkin!” Charlie beams up at Panda.
None of these will be of any use to the caterpillars. The cheesy poofs in them are stale, the pacifiers, diapers, and rattle much too large, and a caterpillar just has no use for baby powder or a blanket. Still, Panda decides it isn’t worth it to fight Charlie on this. It’ll make him happy if he humors him, and that is all Panda wants. He snaps the pink fanny pack into place around his waist and shoots Charlie a big smile.
Charlie puts his hands on his heart. “Pan Pan, you already look like a dad!” he gushes.
Panda can feel his face warm. He didn’t really consider that this might lead to him being a dad with Charlie for a couple of weeks – he thought he’d just stop by every day or so to see how things are going and if he can help - but he is more than pleased with the results. It’s probably for the best, anyway, remembering how carried away Charlie got when he took care of the snake babies. He put his all into it and forgot to take care of himself. Now, Panda can make sure Charlie is also taken care of.
“Let me see the little fellas! We gotta name them! Oh, and where are they going to live? They deserve better than this here container,” Charlie says. He’s holding the container of caterpillars close to him, excitedly watching them wiggle around.
“Oh!” Panda says. He runs over to grab the mesh cube, spray bottle, and poptarts from the bush he left them in. “I figured I could set up this mesh shelter near here for them to live so they can have a nice area outside to roam, but we can still keep track of them. I also brought some poptarts for breakfast. Blueberry, your favorite!” Panda hands Charlie the poptarts and moves to find somewhere to place the shelter.
He places it just a few feet from the car and fills it with fresh milkweed which he sprays water onto with the bottle. Easy to set up. When he finishes, he walks over to Charlie who is crouched next to the container of bugs. He is looking at them, seemingly deep in thought.
“What’re you doing?” Panda asks, placing a paw on Charlie’s shoulder.
“Hm?” Charlie replies. “Oh! I’m thinking of names for ‘em! I think this one’s Leggy, this here is Joey, this is Catie, and this is Margo!” he says as he points at each one, smiling proudly. He picks up the fifth caterpillar and holds it out to Panda. “But I don’t know what to name this one! What do you think?”
Panda takes it from Charlie’s hand and observes it. He is touched Charlie wants him to name one. “Hm, maybe Mona? Like monarch, since they’re going to be monarch butterflies,” he feels kind of stupid explaining himself.
Charlie gasps and puts his arm around Panda, pulling him in. “Aww, Pan-man, it’s perfect! How adorable. You really got the cutest little kids for us.”
Panda almost chokes on his own spit when he sees Charlie is giving him the softest look he has ever seen.
“Thanks,” he replies. He cannot conjure up any further response; his brain has been turned to mush by that soft face. Panda focuses on the caterpillar in his paw while he tries and gathers himself
The day goes by remarkably fast. The caterpillars might not do much but were still fascinating to observe. They had a good time assigning personality traits and thoughts to each bug. The two naturally assumed their own roles with Charlie making sure there is always fresh, dewy milkweed in the shelter and Panda keeping the caterpillar home clean. Panda may have also occupied himself with some scrubbing down of Charlie’s car. He’s amazed at how many orange-covered wipes he came away with when he finished wiping it down.
By sunset, they’re lounging in the back of Charlie’s car, Panda gently scolding him about wiping his cheese-dust covered fingers on his car’s upholstery.
“There’s no need for me to be wasteful by using a paper towel!” Charlie says, rejecting Panda’s offer to bring him some next time he goes out. “I’ll just lick my fingers next time.”
Panda pouts and gives him a pointed look. “Why do I bother.”
Charlie gives him a goofy grin and pulls him into a hug. “Because you ca-are!” Charlie says, singsonging the word ‘care’.
Panda’s face is uncomfortably smushed against Charlie’s body, but he still puts an arm around Charlie in return and gently pats him.
When he pulls away, Panda notices how tired Charlie looks. It isn’t the same exhausted look Charlie had after taking care of the snake babies, thankfully, but the day of parenting has obviously drained his energy. It was surprisingly exhausting taking care of caterpillars. Sure, maybe they did get a little too into it and take things more seriously than they had to, but it was fun. For being just some caterpillars, they were entertaining to be around. According to Charlie, bug sentience is not on the same level as animals, and he cannot communicate with them, but he clearly values their life just as much as anything else’s. It’s endearing.
“Charlie, you should get some sleep soon,” Panda says. “It’s been a long day.”
Charlie softly chuckles. “You too, Pan-man. You’re looking awful sleepy,” he says, scratching underneath Panda’s chin. Panda’s stomach flips at the gentle touch.
“Aw, I hope they’ll be alright out there all night,” Charlie says, turning his head to look out at the mesh cube the caterpillars are in, barely illuminated by the last bits of sunlight. The sound of crickets and cicadas has slowly been getting louder, the air a little more chilled.
Panda doesn’t want the day to end, doesn’t want to leave Charlie’s side. He feels like he is in some magical haze. It feels so delicate; the smallest thing could disturb it. He doesn’t want to leave for fear the feeling will, too.
He’s unsure if Charlie expects him to stay the night or not, but he hasn’t mentioned anything about Panda going back home despite knowing he wouldn’t be able to make his way back in the dark.
He feels slightly guilty about leaving his brothers without telling them he would be gone for so long, but they know he is safe with Charlie. If they get worried, they can easily check on him.
“So, do you mind if I spend the night?” Panda asks, trying – and failing – to sound nonchalant.
Charlie turns and meets his eyes with a surprised look, which quickly changes to a warm smile.
“Pan-man, you’re always welcome here!” Charlie says, moving to pop his trunk and rummage through it.
“What’re you looking for?” Panda shouts out to him, peering out the back window.
He sees Charlie piling blankets into his arms, but it is way too many for them to need. He’s never even seen Charlie use a blanket, why does he have so many?
“I’m just gonna stuff the floor area to even it up back here! It’s pretty roomy already, but it’ll be cozier with the whole back area for us to sleep.”
Us? Panda hadn’t considered where he’d sleep. Maybe recline the passenger seat, but that would restrict Charlie’s space in the back… He is perfectly content, although overwhelmed, at the idea of sleeping snugly against Charlie in the back of his car.
Charlie meticulously folds the blankets up and fills in the floor space until he can push his hand down with little give.
“Perfect!” he says, moving to put the rest of the blankets back. He peeks his head back into the car. “I’m gonna do one last check on the little ones, and then I’ll be ready to cozy up for bed. You should settle on in! Make yourself at home.”
Panda gives him a nervous, gentle grin in response and then tries to settle down. He lays down on the backseat and faces the back, figuring it would be the least awkward position. He wishes he had asked for a pillow, or at least a blanket to fold up and use as a pillow, but he’d feel awkward asking now. He’d want one for his head and one to hug since he doesn’t have Miki-Chan or any of his plushes – it’s fine, he’ll manage. It’ll be comforting enough having Charlie’s body next to him.
He closes his eyes and tries not to focus too hard on how any moment now Charlie will be laying mere inches from him, gently, vulnerably sleeping. He’s trusted Panda into his small home, trusts him enough to sleep next to him. He knows how hard trusting can be for Charlie.
The muffled noise of Charlie saying good night to each caterpillar drifts into the car. Soon, the door is carefully opened, and Charlie tries to slip inside as quietly as possible, clearly trying to avoid disturbing Panda.
Panda has dreamed about being in a situation like this about a billion times. Usually they’re in his bed, cuddled up, sharing secrets and giggling at dumb jokes. So, they’re not in his bed, but they are sleeping next to one another, which is the heart of the fantasy, really. He is sure he will not gather up any sort of confidence to be able to try and cuddle with Charlie right now, and he doesn’t even know if he can bring himself to say good night to Charlie, let alone have a competent conversation with him.
When Charlie has finally settled down, his fur is just barely touching Panda’s. Their closeness makes him shiver.
“You cold, Pan Pan?” Charlie asks in a soft whisper. It’s right by his ear and he’s thankful he somehow didn’t shiver again. “I can grab you a blanket from the back. I can’t believe I didn’t even think you might want one!”
“N-no, no, I’m good! Thank you,” he says, feeling stupidly formal.
“Alright, pumpkin,” Charlie replies, promptly wrapping his arm around Panda’s waist and snuggling in close. Panda’s heart stops.
“Sweet dreams,” Charlie whispers, seemingly oblivious to the gay panic Panda is in right now. Thank god.
“Night,” Panda barely manages to squeak out. He tentatively starts to move his arm to put it over Charlie’s and gently cups his hand with his paw.
He tries his best to absorb this moment, this closeness. Burn the sweet feeling into his brain forever. His heart pounds at the thought that every night they take care of the caterpillars might be like this. He never could have imagined such a perfect outcome to his present.