Work Text:
une.
“I can’t handle it, Namjoon. I cannot-” Taehyung said incoherently in between sobs.
“There, there, Taehyung. Calm down, please. Take a deep breath.” Namjoon engulfed the shivering boy within his embrace. His skin was frigid and colorless. His eyes were bloodshot red and lips quivered with every whimper escaping the open space between them.
This had been Taehyung’s third breakdown that week. Every night after classes, Namjoon found that broken mess softly knocking at his door with the same convoluted, dark hair and inflamed eyes. It broke Namjoon’s heart having to see his best friend in that condition.
“I can’t live without him. I really can’t.” Taehyung mumbled against Namjoon’s shoulder, slowly wetting the cloth covering it.
“Yes you can, Taehyung, I know you can. You’re strong.” Namjoon began tracing his fingers, making shapes, on Taehyung’s back. This became very routinal. The same words, the same actions, the same tears, and the same heartbreak; two different heartbreaks.
“What if I’m not strong enough? You see, I’m so weak, Namjoon. I’m so so weak and you can’t lie to me. Do not lie to me and tell me I’m strong.” Taehyung frantically left Namjoon’s embrace and stood restively. “I need to go. I need to go to him now.” He scavenged the living room for his coat and keys before aiming for the door. Namjoon bolted, hovering over the door. This was new, Namjoon thought, he’s absolutely lost it.
“Taehyung, please you’re not thinking straight. Maybe you should rest. The bed is set-”
“Move out of the way, Namjoon.” Taehyung interrupted. With their faces in a close proximity, Namjoon smelled the stench of alcohol lining Taehyung’s breath. He was drunk. Namjoon furrowed his eyes in confusion; Taehyung despised alcohol.
“Taehyung, you’re drunk.”
“And what about it?” Taehyung’s face arose almost sinister for a split second before pushing the aghast Namjoon away from the door. He dashed down the stairs of the apartment building without looking back. Namjoon did not call for him nor did he run after him.
“That dumb bastard never learns.” Namjoon uttered under his breath while collecting the pieces of his shattered heart. Guilt overwhelmed him when he dipped himself in bed; how could he allow him to drive while drunk. He quickly retaliated, “I hope he gets hit by a freaking bus.”
deux.
Namjoon decided to study at the library that evening in need of a change of scenery. Midway taking out his supplies, he is alarmed by the vigorous buzzing of his phone. It was a text message from Taehyung.
taehyung <3
hey joonie
Namjoon ignored the message, focusing his attention back to unpacking his backpack.
taehyung <3
heyyy joonie
where are u?
Namjoon sighed while massaging his forehead in irritation. As much as he wanted to ignore Taehyung, Namjoon just knew the text message vibrations would not end.
namjoon
i’m studying
taehyung <3
boringggg
let’s go out
i’m starving
namjoon
sorry
i need to study taehyung
taehyung <3
come on namjoon
you can study later
pretty pls
for me
ur my all time bestest friend
Namjoon could not comprehend the feeling running through him. He hated Taehyung for constantly making him hate himself for believing in a false reality. Taehyung was a douche bag for running after his ex that did nothing but harm him; Namjoon was aware of that. However, the feeling of love and infatuation that Namjoon has for that douche bag superseded everything else.
namjoon
fine.
Namjoon slid in the booth that resided an idiot slurping a milkshake. The noise of the compressed cushion startled the concentrated boy, but resulted in Namjoon receiving a warm, hearty smile. The way his lips formed into a straight line and wrinkles formed around his mouth was just utterly beautiful to Namjoon. The way his glossy, porcelaine eyes transformed into crescents never failed to make Namjoon’s heart race. As much as Namjoon (fake) hated Taehyung, at that moment his felt his cheeks warm up a bit.
“I greatly appreciate the time you took off studying to hang out with me at this very fine burger establishment.” Namjoon looked around in disgust; the place reeked of grease and old coffee.
“What happened after you left last night?” Namjoon asked directly. The change in mood altered Taehyung’s composure completely.
“C’mon Joon, we’re not here to talk about that.” Taehyung fake laughed taking a sip of his drink and shaking his hand.
“Taehyung.” Namjoon pleaded. “This is not healthy. You’re getting worse with each passing day, you’re even drinking now. I’m worried.”
Taehyung looked at the table holding his head in his hands. “He kicked me out again.” Taehyung said with his deep voice flailing. He looked up at Namjoon “But, don’t worry, I’m never going back again! I promise Joonie!” Namjoon did not believe that one bit, but grabbed and squeezed Taehyung’s chilly, slender fingers in reassurance. He looked deep into Taehyung’s eternal dark eyes which he could’ve sworn twinkled under the diner’s ugly lighting. Namjoon felt his heartbeat halt for an instance. He yearned to utter those three words ever so badly, but the lump in his throat prevented them coming out.
“I’m here for you Taehyung.” Taehyung’s bright, cheeky smile returned and that meant the world to Namjoon.
trois.
After exiting the classroom, Namjoon slipped his earphones in his ear, but before he could turn on the music, he felt a small tap on his shoulder. He turned around and his expression suddenly turned dark. He took out his earphones with furrowed eyebrows.
“Yes?” Namjoon said irritably at the boy standing in front of him. Jimin, Taehyung’s distasteful ex boyfriend, flashed his well-known smile.
“Hello Namjoon. Sorry if I am bothering you, but there was something I would like to discuss with you.”
“Get to the point, Jimin.” Namjoon temper began to rise with every second standing in front of the man he hated the most.
“It’s about Taehyung. Can you possibly talk to him? It’s getting frustrating, him constantly coming over and approaching me. We’re over and I’d like it to stay that way.” Namjoon felt his blood rushing to his head, firing through his entire body. He felt his knuckles grow numb from the pressure of squeezing them.
“You know Jimin,” Namjoon took a step closer at the smaller boy, uncomfortably pointing his finger in Jimin’s face. “You’re the worst thing that happened to Taehyung and I hope he never has to cross paths with you for as long as he lives. You broke him and stripped him from everything he ever was. You’re absolutely sickening.” With that, Namjoon walked away fearing that the argument would heat up quickly. He certainly was not looking for a fight.
Namjoon whipped his phone out of his back pocket and dialed Taehyung’s number. Within an instant Taehyung answered. “Taehyung, meet me at the pier. Quickly.”
Within five minutes of restless bench sitting, Taehyung arrived in confusion scavenging the crowd for his best friend. He scurried to Namjoon after recognizing his average frame and undisturbed posture.
“Hey, what’s up?” Taehyung asked perplexed. It was strange of Namjoon to tell Taehyung to meet on the pier on a Wednesday afternoon, but it was like Taehyung had anything better to do anyways. He did not even bother to undress from his wrinkled sweats and tee or tidy up his brunette waves that played with the beachy wind. Namjoon loved the raw sight.
“Nothing, I just wanted to come here.” Taehyung then pursed his lips and shook his head dramatically.
“C’mon Joonie.” Taehyung began tugging the sitting boy’s arm.
“What?” Namjoon said hesitantly.
“We’re not going to come to the pier to mope around instead of competing in a Dance Dance Revolution tournament.” Namjoon smiled sweetly at the enthusiastic boy. The excitement in Taehyung’s eyes overwhelmed Namjoon, slightly making him dizzy.
“Taehyung...” Namjoon uttered. Taehyung widened his eyes and blinked in response. “I’m going to crush you.”
quatre.
“Namjoon?” Taehyung asked in a low tone. Namjoon had turned the other way, hoping to fall asleep, but mind and heart dangerously awake.
“Yeah?” Still facing the other direction, Namjoon felt Taehyung shift in the bed they shared. This was not uncommon to the both of them, just another unplanned sleepover.
“Do you believe in true love?” Taehyung’s voice grew monotoned and Namjoon’s face became blank. He turned over to face his company.
“I do believe in true love. Why do you ask?” Taehyung resting on his back, facing the ceiling. Namjoon had a perfect view of his mesmerizing side profile. Even though it was barely visible, Taehyung’s beauty was nearly palpable to the love struck boy.
“I don’t know. I’ve been thinking a lot lately.”
“About?”
“What if love is something unattainable and us humans try to reach that feeling, but it’s just infatuation and fake euphoric feelings that we convince ourselves we’re feeling? Like psychological madness.” Taehyung was so immersed in his theory that Namjoon could not help but let out soft chuckles.
“That’s dumb Taehyung. What proof do you have to prove your statement?” Namjoon continued to giggle. Taehyung’s brows drew together and a pout formed on his face as he turned to face Namjoon. “I stand corrected.”
“Okay, I have another theory! You have to believe this one!” Taehyung’s eyes grew with excitement and Namjoon could have sworn he saw stars in his eyes.
“I swear to God if it has anything to do with aliens, I will-”
“No, spirits!”
“Oh my God, even worse.” Namjoon groaned, already not wanting to hear the incoming stupidity that will come out of Taehyung’s mouth. At the same time, his character was so endearing, no matter how stupid.
“Just listen to me Joonie! I’ve done my research!”
“Buzzfeed Unsolved is not research, Taehyung!”
“Since when did I need an MLA work cited page to talk to you about my theories?” The sound of laughter filled the room as the boys conversed about the strangest of subjects.
“You know, Joonie.” Taehyung said with a long yawn. “I hope we can be best friends forever.”
“Yeah, me too.”
As the night grew darker and darker, Namjoon’s heart became heavier and heavier. He did not know if it was of admiration or heartbreak.
cinq.
Namjoon left his desk as he heard his doorbell ring through his apartment building. It was finals season so binge studying was that he has been doing for the past week. He stopped at the clock hung next to the door with squinted eyes.
11:45 A.M.
He was not surprised to see a messy Taehyung with a troublesome smile plastered on his face. Namjoon was surprised to see the boy carrying two 8-packs, however.
“We’re supposed to be studying, Taehyung.” Namjoon says as Taehyung dives into the sofa. “And since when have you been drinking this much.”
“There are a lot of things you don’t know about me, Joonie.” Taehyung winked in Namjoon’s direction. Without further question, Namjoon accepted the beer can Taehyung opened for him with a dissapointed sigh.
By the third can, both boys got very tipsy due to their intolerance. Endless giggles rang through the room and funny faces were exchanged. By the fifth can, Taehyung was crying and a painful silence deafened the both of them.
“I don’t know why, Namjoon. I don’t know why I love him so much. I just can’t forget him.”
“H-He hurt you, Taehyung.” Namjoon hiccuped with irritation.
“All the good just amounts to so much more. His kisses, his voice, his l-”
“You have to snap out of it, Taehyung! You can’t live in this fantasy anymore! Jimin is an idiot that did nothing but hurt your pride, embarrass you in front of all his friends, and treat you like a pretty toy. You’re much better than that!” Namjoon interrupted, now standing exasperated. He was so fed up with Jimin and Taehyung being so blind sighted about all the pain he has suffered from that toxic relationship. Namjoon had been the first to warn him about Jimin and continued until the day Jimin broke up with by text after he was done playing with him. Namjoon had patiently tolerated all of that not only as Taehyung’s best friend, but with a more than friendly liking towards Taehyung. Namjoon knew he loved Taehyung. He could not remember when his fondness arose, but all he knew was that he was genuinely in love with Taehyung’s entirety.
“You deserve someone that will treat you with love and care. Someone that will make you feel like you’re their entire world and more. Someone that you will truly love you and demonstrate that love with the utmost care.” Namjoon’s voice flailed as he wiped the pool of tears flooding his eyes. Taehyung sat, mouth agape and skin pale.
Namjoon felt blood rushing to his head in anguish. He was slowly losing his senses due to intoxication. His fingers began to tremble and heartbeat accelerated. His dry mouth wanted to let the words trapped inside of him so long escape, but it was nearly impossible. The lump in his throat barricaded the opening barely allowing room to breathe. He embarrassingly turned away from the silent Taehyung, stumbling slightly.
“T-Taehyung.” Namjoon sniffled, allowing his tears to pour out of his eyes carelessly. “I love you. More than just a friend. You don’t have to say anything and I certainly don’t want your pity. I j-just needed to say it.” Namjoon ran his palm through his sweat coated hair and began walking towards his bedroom. It was at least three in the morning and he had classes in a few hours. That was not on Namjoon’s mind however, he was just tired, heartbroken, and too drunk. “Goodnight, Taehyung.” Namjoon hummed as he staggered along.
As soon as he entered his bedroom, Namjoon threw himself on his bed not even bothering to drape his comforters over him. The sheets under his face begin to wet as the boy was swept from his senses. Taehyung’s voice disturbed that process.
“Namjoon.” Taehyung slurred from the bedroom door frame with a glum look. “Joonie,” he repeated with a whine and tears escaping his glossy eyes. Namjoon could barely reply. He just felt the bed dip with Taehyung’s weight and Taehyung’s hand glide up Namjoon’s back gently. Taehyung clutched the other boy’s waist and tucked his head right on Namjoon’s shoulder. He used a single finger to play around with Namjoon’s deep brown hair. A delicate smile was plastered on Taehyung tear stained face.
“I love you, too, you big baby.” Taehyung whispered directly into Namjoon’s ear continuing with planting a wispy kiss on Namjoon’s bear neck. An electric rush instantaneously bolted through Namjoon’s entire body. Unsure if he was dreaming or still awake due to his drunken state of mind, Namjoon smiled to himself fulling surrendering to Taehyung’s tiny gestures of love.
la fin.