soulmate (n): best friend, lover, person with whom one’s life is joined, the given name of whom is revealed upon the inside of the left wrist on the morning of one’s eighteenth birthday
see also: anomalies, exceptions
The prospect of soulmates was something that instilled a certain degree of worry, sometimes even fear, into many people. Sebastian’s younger sister, Amelie, would still to this day, now fourteen years old, shriek at him in fits of hysteria: what if her soulmate was a serial killer? Was she going to love him still? Worse still, what if she couldn’t find him, find the man who matched up to the first name that would appear on her wrist?
He would always reassure her as best as he could, even if his concerns never aligned with his sibling’s. Sebastian had been confident in his sexuality since he was young, his ten year old brain quick to develop around the idea that men held an appeal for him that women did not, despite what society might otherwise suggest he should want. He’d experimented in his later years, because he could, because his calculating mind wanted to understand his desires before he would be paired for life.
But of the many feelings that Sebastian was often hit with in relation to the thought of his soulmate, worry or fear were not ones he was familiar with. Because Sebastian already knew who his soulmate was. He could feel it into the tips of his fingers and his toes, his heart beating to the rhythm of a name that he understood, that he knew so well.
His best friend, a boy he had known quite literally since birth. Their mothers had met at a prenatal yoga class when they’d both been expecting, had gone to the same hospital, startled and amused when their baby boys had been born on the exact same day, within about twenty minutes of one another. His best friend, yes, but more than that. His protector, his confidant, someone he swore he knew better than he knew himself.
Sebastian had no doubts as he went to sleep as a seventeen year old for the last time, that Blaine would be the name inscribed on the inside of his left wrist when he awoke.
It was the light that woke him that day, warm July rays heating his feet that were peeking out of the blankets, before shifting and coating his entire body. Sebastian’s eyes opened slowly, blinking away the sleep to focus on where his wrist was splayed over the pillow, inside turned towards him.
Sebastian smiled to himself, an unfamiliar flipping sensation in the pit of his stomach as he moved his other hand to trace over the letters with his thumb. He had always loved Blaine; perhaps more hazy was how long he had been in love with him. Maybe now they could stop pretending there was nothing more between them. Maybe now he could kiss those full lips he’d been dreaming of for so long, feel the touch of their palms pressed together, and hear what Blaine’s voice sounded like late at night or first thing in the morning.
He took the stairs slowly, just a hooded sweatshirt over his pajamas, fairly standard Smythe attire for birthday breakfast. He could hear his parents in the kitchen, chattering over their morning cup of coffee, and the sound of the television coming from the living room.
“Happy birthday, dorkface!” Amelie called out affectionately from the living room, the television going silent and the sound of footsteps pattering out into the hall. She squinted up at him, before smirking and walking towards the kitchen. “Mom, call 911, I think Bas is blushing.”
“Fuck off,” he mumbled in sister’s direction when he made it downstairs, giving her a small shove, but making no move to knock the dopey smile off his lips.
His mother tutted softly, standing to kiss his cheek. “Language,” she chided, but there was a glint in her eyes as her gaze shifted down to his wrist. “Well?”
Sebastian let the full-faced grin spread over his features before he nodded, wrapping his right hand around his left wrist. “Yeah,” he said, no other clarification needed. All the Smythes had known as well as he had that it would be Blaine’s name on his wrist that morning.
His mom squealed, laughing as she walked over to kiss her husband’s head. “I’ll have to call Jasmine! She must be ecstatic.”
Sebastian groaned, any other response cut off as he heard the sound of a car crunching its way up the driveway. “That’s probably him, anyway.”
He walked over to the door just in time to open it for Blaine, his smile contagious as he bounded up towards the front step.
“I have incredible news,” Blaine gushed, warm circles of colour over both of his cheeks.
Sebastian laughed softly, rolling his eyes. “No shit, me too,” he deadpanned.
Blaine huffed, pushing past him into the house, calling out his greetings to Sebastian’s family. “I just can’t believe it, you know?” he giggled, looking positively giddy as he turned back to Sebastian. “I think I always knew, though. I just always felt his connection with him, I knew it had to mean something.”
Sebastian frowned a little, his smile faltering slightly. Him? He was standing right here, why would Blaine need to refer to him in the third person?
“God, it’s just so crazy, I mean I haven’t even met him!” Blaine continued, running a hand through his untamed curls.
The taller boy felt at a loss for words, his eyes briefly meeting his mom’s, who looked back at him with a similar look of confusion. He’d heard of the anomalies, of course - people who were mistakenly assigned to someone who was already attached to another. But that couldn’t be him and Blaine. Him and Blaine were meant to be together; practically two halves of a whole already. Self-consciously, Sebastian let the sleeves of his sweatshirt roll down, pulling the material firmly down over the name on his own wrist.
“Bas, are you listening to me?” Blaine implored, looking up at him with his wide hazel eyes.
Sebastian nodded silently, swallowing back the lump that had formed in his throat. “Bas, my soulmate.. It’s him. My soulmate is Sebastian Stan!”
Sebastian blinked. And again. Blaine had gotten the name Sebastian across the inside of his left wrist. But he thought it was a man he’d been fantasizing about since he was thirteen. Rather than him.
“Amelie, dear, go get dressed, I need you to help me run errands,” his mom said quickly from the kitchen, hustling them all upstairs. She laid a hand gently on Sebastian’s arm as she went past, her eyes sending him gentle encouragement. Give him time, bébé.
“I know he’s a little older and everything, but what does age matter? We’re soulmates,” Blaine was enthusing, twisting his hands erratically in front of him. “Hey!” Blaine added suddenly. “What does yours say?”
“Jamie,” Sebastian lied, clutching his fist tighter around where he had the material balled up in his hand. “I don’t know him. Yet.” He laughed flatly, falling silent again as Blaine began talking anew, on his plans to go out and meet Sebastian, to track him down.
Sebastian listened tirelessly, offering small nods and hums of agreement when it was needed, ignoring the crushing feeling in his chest that was throbbing painfully there. Eventually, Blaine would realize the truth, would step out of his fantasy. But maybe he wouldn’t want Sebastian even then.
*
Blaine’s crush on Sebastian Stan had been something that his best friend had gotten used to hearing about, something he’d even enthused most of the time. It was harmless - personally, Sebastian made more than enough comments about how hard he’d bang Chris Evans given the chance.
But something had snapped with Blaine’s new found belief that Sebastian Stan was his soulmate, as he made plans to go and visit Cooper to attend the premiere of his latest movie. Sebastian felt like he was stuck in Groundhog Day, his days spent sitting at the foot of Blaine’s bed as his friend fussed over what he was going to wear, what he was going to say, what it would take to make him realize that he was the very same Blaine as must be written on his wrist.
Jasmine, Blaine’s mom, would pop her head in on them sometimes, with snacks usually, always with a soft look in Sebastian’s direction. Sebastian wanted to scream at her, to yell until she understood how useless letting this charade play out was. Blaine would end up hurt, upset, and none of them were doing anything to stop it.
His own mom had told him to leave it be, to allow Blaine to work through the prospect of being with Sebastian for the rest of his life in his own way, that it would all work out the way it was supposed to. But Sebastian had never been the patient type and his frustrations were rising closer to the surface with every passing day.
“I was thinking the navy bow tie but then if I wear the red one, maybe I’ll be more noticeable? Or maybe he’ll just notice me straight away anyway, because we are soulmates,” Blaine murmured, holding up various different pieces of fabric in his hands before showing them to Sebastian. “Navy or red?”
Sebastian sighed, rolling his eyes before flopping back against the bed. “Who cares,” he muttered, glaring up at the ceiling.
Blaine went quiet, so much so that Sebastian tipped his head back up just to be sure his friend hadn’t literally knocked himself out in excitement.
But he hadn’t, he was merely watching him with a forlorn expression knitted across his features, the bow ties swinging a little as they dangled from his hands. “You could be a little more supportive,” Blaine mumbled, casting his gaze downwards.
“You want me to be supportive? Of your wild goose chase to track down some man who is way too old for you, for a start, and who doesn’t even know you exist?” Sebastian scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, forgive me for not being supportive of you being a complete moron.”
Blaine folded his arms over his chest, stubbornly not looking at Sebastian. “I’d like you to leave, Bas. You can show yourself out.”
Sebastian got up sullenly, heading towards the door. “With pleasure. See you around, Blaine.” He looked back as he opened the door, his stomach churning so badly at seeing Blaine look upset that for a moment he thought he might be sick. He shook his head, storming from the room and slamming the door shut behind him.
Sebastian didn’t give Mrs Anderson the chance to say anything to him as he left, not wanting to hear another lecture on why he should just give Blaine time. He didn’t want to give him time. He wanted to be Blaine’s first choice, the first person he thought of, not the reality that kicked in and had to simply be accepted. Just like Blaine was his first choice, over and over. Always.
*
Sebastian tried to stop himself from watching the online stream of the premiere, he really did. But he found himself clicking onto the link all the same, his eyes scouring the crowds that had formed for Blaine, to no avail. Sebastian Stan was there though, looking admittedly very handsome in a tux, smiling for the cameras.
With a tall, blonde woman by his side. Sebastian bit down on his lower lip, clicking through to another stream hosted by one of the press companies down by the carpet. It was mid-interview by the time he got past the commercials, only vaguely aware of where he was holding his breath.
Even when Sebastian knew it was all make believe, even then, he wanted it to work out for Blaine. He wanted him to have the happily ever after that he so deserved, even if it was with a different Sebastian, and not him.
“I feel very lucky. It may have taken twelve years to find the woman who matched up to the name I received so long ago, but some people have to wait even longer than that.” Sebastian on the screen smiled, kissing the woman’s cheek, causing a round of cheers to go up from the onlookers.
In the background, Sebastian could just pick out Blaine’s face, and the steady stream of tears falling down his cheeks. He didn’t hesitate before slamming his laptop closed, grabbing the nearest bag and throwing a few items of clothing and a toothbrush in, stuffing his phone into his pocket.
His mom didn’t seem at all surprised to see him with a packed bag by his side when he stumbled down the stairs, passing him the car keys and the emergency credit card with a small smile. “Go get him,bébé. You’ve waited long enough.” Behind her, from the living room, he could hear the same online stream he’d been watching playing out from her own laptop.
*
The flight was excruciating, every second adding up into another moment that he wasn’t there to hold Blaine, to squeeze his hand, to tell him everything that had been building up for years. To tell him that he would do whatever it took to make him the happiest man in the world.
Cooper was expecting him, too, it seemed when Sebastian made it to his apartment, patting his shoulder before gesturing to his guest bedroom. Sebastian had been there before, spent summer vacations out there with Blaine, days on the beach with the hot sand between their toes and nights running wild over the foreign streets, with Cooper for guidance.
Sebastian left his bag out in the hall, rapping gently on the door before he walked in. Blaine didn’t look up as he walked in, the bed dipping as Sebastian sat down beside him. He scratched the back of his neck, overwhelmed with the urge to do something, but with utterly no idea where to start.
“I’m sorry,” Blaine said softly, staring down at the carpet.
Sebastian smiled wryly. “Shouldn’t that be my line?” he asked, building his courage to reach and take Blaine’s hand into his own, lacing their fingers together.
Blaine laughed wetly, tipping his head upwards, although his gaze quickly fell to their joined hands. He pushed Sebastian’s sweater up, fingers ghosting over the outline of his own name against his skin, a soft sigh falling from his lips. “I knew it would be you,” Blaine murmured. “I think I just..panicked.”
Sebastian reached to tuck a stray curl behind Blaine’s ear, his thumb tracing the curve of his ear. “I get it. Not to mention, Sebastian Stan has that whole smoldering thing going on.”
Blaine snorted, pressing his cheek into the warmth of Sebastian’s palm with a hum, his eyes falling closed. “You’re an idiot,” he murmured, a smile playing on his lips.
“That’s rich coming from you,” Sebastian retorted, rendered otherwise speechless as Blaine tugged on his hand, drawing him closer, though his eyes remained closed. Sebastian tipped his head down, brushing his lips over Blaine’s, the air flooding from his lungs as his best friend, his soulmate, knotted a hand into his hair and pulled him in.
Sebastian could feel a flame igniting within his chest, his hands shaking as they cupped Blaine’s face gently, committing the taste of the other’s coffee tinted lips to memory.
As if he wouldn’t get to do it again every day for the rest of his life.