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“I didn’t know you had a dog.”
The light of the setting sun streamed through the door, backlighting Kyle with the fiery glory of the desert sun at its best. He hadn’t even bothered to knock, a six pack in one hand, the bottles sweating from the dying heat of the day that didn’t show on his brow. Not with the way Alex knew Kyle ran the air conditioning in his truck. The late afternoon heat likely wasn’t even bothering Valenti yet, not for another few minutes of his body defrosting with the door open like he held it.
It’s not his appearance so much as that question that is surprising; not with the steaks that Alex is getting out of the fridge to let them sit for a bit on the counter before he seasoned them. In a bit they’d get the grill going, sit out back and listen to the coyotes singing along with Alex’s playing, and enjoy a good meal together.
It had become a weekly thing between them, needing the time to talk, to share ideas and stories, and to pretend for a while that their lives were normal. Even when they were anything but. Kyle showing up going on about a dog though, that’s what gives Alex pause, giving Kyle an odd look as he set the beers on the counter.
“I don’t have a dog?” Leaning over the counter a bit, he looked at the six pack, glancing as best he can at the levels in the bottles. “Did you start with two six packs?” Teasing with a small smile, taking the beers and putting them in the fridge and pulling out two cold ones he’d already had.
Twisting the cap off one and handing it to Kyle, his smile widened. “Tell me you weren’t out there trying to play with a coyote, Kyle. What have we told you about that?”
“I was seven!”
“And you tried to lure it into the house using the rest of the Thanksgiving turkey,” Alex reminded him, as if Kyle could forget. He’d been grounded for a week, though it was years before he realized it was less about the lost turkey and more about him trying to play with a wild animal.
“This is not a coyote, and I haven’t been drinking.”
Which Alex knew. Kyle was a stickler about how much he had to drink and driving afterwards. If he planned to drive home, if he had an early shift at the hospital the next morning, he’d only have maybe two, and all of them hours before he left. If he drank after that, he crashed on the couch.
One night, after they’d just finished dinner, the hospital had called him in. Kyle almost refused before he’d called for an uber, leaving his truck at the cabin until the next day. When Alex asked about it, all he had been willing to say was that when you’d seen the bodies after a drunk driving accident, you never took that chance yourself.
Alex held his tongue that it didn’t seem to stop a lot of drunk drivers, but then Kyle wasn’t like most people. He never had been like others, but somewhere between leaving for Michigan and returning a doctor he had changed. For the better in Alex’s mind, but changed nonetheless.
They never really talked about what changed between when asshole jock Kyle Valenti left Roswell, and Doctor Valenti returned but Alex always assumed it was sort of the same kind of life altering experience like returning to Roswell without part of your leg. The kind of thing that wasn’t easy to talk about but changed how you saw the world, behaved in the world.
“Okay fine. You saw a dog. It’s not mine,” Alex said, picking up his beer and brushing past Kyle to go to the front door, counting on Valenti to follow. “Okay, where did you see this dog?” He asked when they’re out on the porch, moving to stand by the rail and look out over the desert. He knew the view, stared out here often in thought, and while he’d seen glimpses of coyotes before, he’d never seen a dog.
For a moment though he wasn’t thinking about dogs. He flashed back instead to that moment that seemed like a lifetime ago when he caught Kyle right here on this porch, log in hand and preparing to bust out one of the windows. So much had changed in what was really such a short time. It’s why they had these moments, meeting up to talk about inane shit and the world around them beyond Roswell. Crappy politics and sports riddled with drugs and crime seem far enough removed from aliens and abusive families and murder and pain that it felt safe. Especially when nothing else in their life was that way.
“When I came up the drive there was this pup out over there,” he said, pointing with the hand holding his own beer. “And I know it wasn’t a coyote, you jerk,” he added, rolling his eyes. “Because I grew up in this desert same as you. It was some kind of hound. Long legs and floppy ears and maybe grey, I think. Might have been black.”
It was late enough in the day that with the setting sun dropping low behind the horizon, the colors blending together as they did in the desert at twilight, shades of black and brown and purple and ruddy red all melding into one as the shadows grew. The adage all cats are grey in the dark is never more true than when the brilliance of the sun dipped below the horizon, shadows stretching over the sand and providing new places for the creatures of the day to hide while those of the night hunt and thrive.
Thoughts that have been first in Alex’s mind for weeks now as so much that hid in the shadows of Roswell came to light. He wants to believe that it will be okay now, even if he’s so far from okay that it’s not even funny, but with all he’s seen, he can’t believe in things being okay. He can pretend though. When Kyle’s over and they’re spending time together it’s easier. Not perfect, but easier.
“You have slept in the last few days, right? Not about to become a very special episode of Grey’s Anatomy, are you?”
Rolling his eyes, Kyle bumped Alex with his shoulder before brushing against him as Alex had coming out, heading down the stairs and off the porch.
“I’m going to go around the cabin, make sure he’s headed home and then get the grill started. Why don’t you go in and make yourself useful and get those steaks ready. I’m not sleep deprived, but I am hungry.”
Alex smiled, waving a hand to shoo Kyle off before heading back to the kitchen. The world might not be okay, but Valenti made it easy to pretend. At least for a few hours.
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The six pack was nearly gone, the dishes piled in the sink and Alex would worry about them later. For now there was a fire burning in the iron pit Alex had bought shortly after moving in, the sides of it casting shadows of stars and moons over the patio, echoing the brilliance of the sky above them. Even if the bright sharp light of the crackling fire blocked much of that sky with it’s warm illumination.
“Not to put a damper on the night…”
“But you’re going to do it anyway?”
Alex smirked, turning his head where it rested back against his chair to look at Kyle more fully. For a moment he caught himself focusing on the shadows the fire cast, the hard line his cheekbones made and the soft highlight along his mouth. It’s only when he speaks that Alex, comfortable with good company, great food and enough beer, remembered he’s not ready to even have those thoughts. Or so he keeps telling himself and has since he finally left the junkyard that morning to learn how much in their lives had truly changed.
“Are you still going to help out with the hospital fundraiser?”
“You mean the one where you’re having karaoke night and a silent auction at the Wild Pony?”
It’s not hard to catch the tension in Alex’s voice, and Kyle nodded slowly, finishing his beer. “That’s the one. It’s okay if you don’t want to. I tried to get them to change the location but M… but they’re donating the space, and all the alcohol for the cash bar so it’s pure profit for the hospital and…”
“Okay, one? You can say her name,” Alex pointed out, looking away from Kyle because it’s easier to say that when he’s not actually being judged for how honest he’s being. “Two, of course. I told you I would. I’ll sing when you need someone to keep things moving, and I told you that I’d offer the guitar lessons for the auction, as well as the tech support.”
It had been one of their first nights like this, talking about how Kyle had been volunteered to run the fundraiser. He’d been nervous but excited, glad for a chance to really make himself part of the community. Alex had agreed without knowing the location, and finding out he’d have to face them, either of them, with a smile and a generous spirit had been painful, but it’s for Kyle. Dammit, but getting his best friend back is proving to be a pain in the ass.
“You’re sure? I can… I mean, no I can’t find anyone else in this town to do the things you do, but I can figure something out.”
That made Alex smile, rising to start cleaning things up, knowing they both had an early morning. He paused though, staring past the flames and out into the darkness.
“What?”
“Nothing,” Alex said, waving a hand and gathering up their bottles and dropping them into the bin before moving to get the lid and put out the fire. “Just thought I saw something.”
Smirking as he stood up, Kyle moved easily about the space as if he lived there himself, cleaning up so that Alex didn’t have to do it himself the next day. “Probably your dog.”
“I don’t have a dog,” he growled, rolling his eyes.
Two organizations had tried to get him a dog when he came home, but he knew he didn’t have the time for it. Not if he was going to throw himself into his recovery and not end up back home with his family. He’d avoided that but he still didn’t have the time, and that sure meant not having the time for a stray puppy rather than a trained service animal.
“You taking the couch?”
Kyle nodded, pausing before heading inside to rest his hand on Alex’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “It’s going to be okay, you know.”
Alex watched Kyle head inside to get blankets and pillows, wishing that he thought Kyle was right, but he didn’t feel any closer to believing that now weeks later than he had when he’d found Kyle admitting Jesse’s comatose body into the hospital.
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When he left for the base the next morning, Kyle was already gone, but Alex found his presence still felt in the fact that one of his stoneware bowls was sitting in the middle of what passed for the driveway at the cabin, filled with water. He’d left it only because it was good for the animals around anyway, and it wouldn’t hurt if there was a dog running loose. Though he suspected it had run off to it's actually home sometime in the night.
He hadn’t counted on coming home to find Kyle’s truck already in the drive, the bowl now having a companion bowl filled with kibble, and Kyle crouched down a few meters from the house, holding out his hand.
“What the…”
His gait was steady if a bit uneven over the sand. Around the house Alex kept everything level and raked so that he had little trouble with rocks and brush, but the further he got from the house, the more careful he had to be with selecting his path.
Kyle held up his hand other hand, and Alex stopped where he stood.
“What are you…”
“Look right there.” Kyle’s hand lowered, pointing into the scrub brush out a bit further to the East of the cabin.
It took Alex a minute, but then the shadows shifted. It wasn’t even paying attention to Kyle but flopping it’s head over to stay in the shade of the bush as the shadows grew once more with the setting sun.
“What is that?”
“A dog?”
“Okay, asshole. I know it’s a dog. Trying to figure out what kind.”
From the distance it was hard to make out details, though the fur looked about as colorful and splotchy as the desert floor in shades of brown and black and grey.
“From what I saw, some kind of hound. Like I said.” Kyle somehow managed in that moment to both sound profoundly smug and utterly annoyed at the same time. “It was up by the house when I got here, but stopped there when I got out of my truck. When I got closer, he started to sit up, so I stayed right here, trying to get him to come to me.”
“And why are you here tonight? I mean, no offense but...” Their meetings, not dates though Alex had started to wonder if they were or not - and if he wanted them to be or not - were a once a week thing. They always had been. Seeing Kyle’s truck tonight had been a surprise… but not an unwelcome one.
“The dog was up by the house when I left this morning, hunting around by the grill for anything we dropped. I figured if he was willing to scrounge for leftover bits of steak, then he should have some real food.”
“You drove all the way out here drop off dog food?”
“Well… kinda?” He looked up at Alex, offering a crooked smile. “He obviously likes your house, and he looks young, so I figured maybe you could use a dog around here. I mean, you’re out here all by yourself and that’s not healthy for anyone. I know, I’m a doctor.”
“A doctor who lives by himself,” he points out, though both of Alex’s brows arched in challenge. “You mean to tell me you’re worried about the safety of the guy that is an expert marksman on both rifle and nine millimeter pistol and trained in hand to hand combat? You think he might need a dog to protect him?”
He can’t help how amused he sounds by that.
“I meant for company.” Rolling his eyes, Kyle pushed to his feet, turning to face Alex rather than the dog. “You go to work, have dinner with me one night a week, spend the rest of the time probably spying on us all from our laptops, and pretending you’re not lonely. A dog would do you good.”
Alex didn’t respond right away. Not because Kyle was wrong, but because he was right. Not about the spying, but definitely about how lonely he is. At least when he and Michael had their back and forth, their kisses and their fights, there had been hope. There wasn’t hope anymore.
He wasn’t admitting that though. Even if he was pretty damn sure that Kyle could already see it, had known it all along. Hence the dinners, the calls, the texts about computer things that Alex is pretty sure Kyle was smart enough to Google and fix on his own.
“So you know I’m spying on you and you leave your laptop open? Do you want me to see you naked?”
“You wish, Manes. I’m going home,” he said, rolling his eyes, brushing past Alex with a deliberate step and heading back to the house. “But you should keep food out for him. The bag’s in the kitchen. Come out and talk to him. He might come closer for you,” he said, the words punctuated by the beep beep of him unlocking his truck.
Alex watched as Kyle turned the truck around, the vehicle obscured in a moment by a cloud of dust. When Alex looked back towards the creosote bush, the dog was gone.
“So much for that idea, Valenti,” he muttered to himself, heading inside.
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The next morning though both bowls were empty and much as Alex wasn’t sure it was the pup eating the kibble and not as likely a coyote, he refilled both bowls and headed into the base. Kyle was wrong. Alex didn’t need a dog, and he wasn’t lonely. He also didn’t want the pup to starve, so it was worth risking drawing in other animals until he could lure the pup in close enough to catch him and take him to the shelter.
At least that was the plan. Then he got a text from Kyle about an hour before he left the base.
Heading to your place. I’ll pick up dinner on the way. Don’t speed up the lane. Don’t want to scare Jack.
Alex stared at the message for much too long, jaw hanging open, fingers poised to send back a message, but he hated the words he’d typed and hadn’t sent yet. It wasn’t WTF? Or what are you doing? It was: ‘Who said my dog’s name is Jack?’
Except he doesn’t have a dog. He doesn’t want a dog. So if Valenti wants to name his dog Jack, so be it.
Though Alex is still muttering the name softly under his breath as he pulls up the lane at a very sedate pace, watching for both … the dog, not Jack, not his dog, and his friend who was suddenly visiting every day.
Said friend who is nowhere to be seen but his truck is there. The bowls though aren’t there in the driveway anymore, and Alex frowns. Had the dog wandered off with them, or had Valenti found a reason to bring it inside. The last weighed heavily on his mind, leaving his satchel in the car and heading inside with a quicker gait than he should be using, especially up the stairs.
“Valenti!? Hey! Where are you?”
“In the kitchen.” The words came back in a whispered counterpoint to Alex’s shout. “And lower your voice.”
He doesn’t say another word, coming into the kitchen and looking for Valenti. He can smell food, and it smells delicious, but there is nothing on the stove. And Kyle isn’t there cooking.
“Where are…” Alex turned to see him standing by the door to the patio, his nose practically pressed to the glass. “What are you doing?”
Valenti waved him over, scooting to one side to make room. “He was waiting by the empty bowl when I got here. I moved the bowls back here when I filled them,” he whispered, glancing at Alex and then back at the pup, shifting so that his shoulder rests against Alex’s. “He’s been playing out there for about half an hour.”
Playing with a knotted neon green rope that Kyle had apparently brought along with the food. This close it was easier to see that he, the dog, Jack, really was young, all long legs and gangly motions, tiny puppy growls accompanying a bark as he picked up the rope and shook it violently. Hi ears whipped about his head, slapping against his face, but he didn’t stop.
Up close it was easier to see the large black and charcoal splotches that made up the majority of his coat, speckled with lighter grey, brown, and white spots, though the exact pattern was hard to make out as he raced about, fighting the rope until it’s very end. Or, at least, the puppy’s very end as he suddenly flopped over, panting with his tongue lolling out the side of his mouth. Now that he had stopped moving, it was easier to make out the pale blue color of his eyes.
Alex took out of phone to get a few pictures.
“What are you doing?”
“Valenti, someone has to be missing him. I bet there’s a local facebook group for missing animals, and we can check with the shelter and maybe the vets in town. Find his owner.”
“Or, you take him in. Look, he’s barely socialized and no one has come looking for him. Either he’s abandoned or he’s abused, so maybe he comes here for a reason.”
“Because you feed him?”
Kyle’s bumped Alex’s arm with his own. “Those blankets I use when I stay over? Any of them sentimental?”
Snorting, Alex turned away from the door, though he moves slowly so he doesn’t wake up the puppy. Of course Kyle noticed that, smiling as he watched Alex for a minute and not the dog.
“Honestly, I wouldn’t know. Your dad left them here, so you tell me. Why?” He had a feeling he’s going to be asking that a lot of Valenti in the days to come.
“He’s going to need a bed, isn’t he?”
That was the answer he was expecting, and instead of fighting it, Alex went to the kitchen, tugging open the oven and letting Kyle do what he felt he needed to do about the dog. Alex knew what he was going to do, and hopefully with a little bit of time on the internet and a few calls and he’ll find a home for him. Though the madness with the pup is forgotten for the longest time as that dry, hot scent from the oven washes over Alex.
He stood there almost still, letting the scent wash over him. A dozen memories of when they were kids washed over him with that scent of spices and chilies and tomatoes, thinking about days hiding out at the Valenti house, and of Jim trying to comfort him. So many moments that Alex hadn’t thought of in more years than he wanted to count, and yet now it was like it was just yesterday.
The time Kyle had gotten a back full of cholla needles and his mom picked them out one by one and Alex had made faces at him to try and distract him as each tiny silvery sliver of a cactus spine was pulled from his skin. When Alex had busted his chin when they’d been jumping ramps with their bikes, and Mama Valenti had helped get him cleaned up instead of calling his dad.
Bumps and scrapes, long nights hiding from home and family dinners where everyone acted like a family. For the longest time Alex wasn’t even entirely aware he was in the cabin, in his home with Kyle and this dog and that it had been over a decade. For a moment he was transported back to a place twenty years earlier where everything was in adobe and oak, native woven tapestries and silver framed pictures of family; Alex’s pictures hung alongside Kyle’s.
“Earth to Manes? Come in Manes?”
Alex jumped, startling as he slammed the door to the oven with a hard clatter.
“Whoa.” Kyle held up both hands in surrender. “You okay?”
“Yeah? Why?” There he went again, though with an entirely different inflection. “Oh. Uhmm, that. I just got distracted. Is that your mom’s tamales?”
Kyle positively beamed, nodding. “Oh yeah. She got nostalgic last night and made like a million of them. There’s another couple of trays in the freezer she made for you. Said she was worried about you out here all alone with no one to take care of you.”
“Is that what you’re doing? Taking care of me?”
The words were sharp, almost biting, and Alex looked away the instant he heard them, heard the accusation in his tones. Silence stretched out between them before Kyle finally spoke.
“Yeah, maybe I am. For now though I’m going to go and set up a bed for Jack, and maybe he’ll come back up on the patio while we’re having dinner. There’s a six pack in the fridge that goes with the tamales,” he added, brushing past Alex once more so that their shoulders bumped.
From the closet in the hall he gathered up an old pillow and some blankets, all of which is piled in a plastic storage tote Alex figured is going to do the dog as well as he half trailed after Valenti, watching what he was doing.
“You planning to stay the night then?”
Normally Valenti stayed every other week or so. Alex isn’t sure why now, suddenly, the idea of him staying more often gave him pause but he noticed that Kyle wasn’t meeting his gaze either.
“If you don’t mind, yeah. That okay?”
Alex nodded before he was even sure. “Of course it is.”
And he realized after he said that he was okay with it. More than okay, if he was honest. Though he wasn’t really being honest with himself, nonetheless Kyle.
-------------
Jack had run off while Kyle fixed his bed, but the moment Valenti went back inside, the pup had come racing back, snuffling and sniffing at the blankets stuffed into a box turned on it’s side. He burrowed under the pillow, rolled around in the blankets and eventually collapsed once more on his side, panting with his tongue out… and seemingly watching Kyle watching him through the glass.
“You always did want a puppy,”
Kyle didn’t startle at the sound of Alex’s voice, but he’s suddenly acutely aware of how close Alex is standing behind him. He’s been noticing Alex more and more lately, remembering feelings he had when they had been teens before Kyle had panicked and they had lost everything.
Their friendship had been lost in a single moment, words spoken and that had been it. High school had gone on and he’d lost so much more. Liz to her own wanderlust and Rosa before he’d ever known that maybe he should know her better. Alex disappearing one day without a word to anyone, and Kyle only finding out from his dad who had been told by Jesse that Alex had joined the Air Force. Leaving Roswell behind had felt so good then, before injuries had forced him out of sports and into medicine, and all of it enough to make him forget. Or at least let him ignore it all. Returning though, returning had given Kyle more than he had hoped for. He’d ignored those thoughts for nearly sixteen years, but as of late he’s been acutely aware of them again. Now he wasn’t sure how to handle it all.
The knowledge of aliens was almost easier than emotions. At least he knew how to handle that. Helping when he could and keep his mouth shut no matter what. That was easy, even with the complications of playing innocent about Noah being missing as far as the world knew, and Rosa’s return still leaving him uncertain and more than a bit intimidated. Help when he could and keep his mouth shut still applied. Liz and Evans and Guerin and Manes… that was a lot harder.
“And look at that, I still don’t have one,” he said after a silence that stretched for longer than the moment warranted. “You have a puppy, not me.”
“Yeah, I was thinking about that. I posted on a local facebook group about lost dogs as well as contacted the shelter and the local vet offices,” he admitted, watching Kyle’s profile as he spoke. Watching the way he tensed, glancing sidelong at Alex as he said nothing more.
“And?”
Alex nearly smiled at the frustration that laced that single word. He shouldn’t delight in that but in fairness, he hadn’t yet forgotten about the past. Only forgiven him. Mostly.
“No one recognizes the dog, though several have offered to come and get him and take him in.”
Kyle turned away from the door, facing Alex fully as he folds his arms over his chest. “And what? You’re just going to give him away?”
“No, not give him away, but he does deserve a home where he’s not just locked in a crate all day. I sometimes work long hours, and there’s always the chance I could be cleared for deployment again and then what?”
“I really thought you were looking at taking an honorable discharge.”
Alex had mentioned it a few times during their weekly dinners, talking about his dad and the methodology of the military that supported things like Caulfield. He hadn’t expected Kyle to remember that he’d said it though.
“I am, but that’s not right now when he needs someone the most. If, and right now it’s still a big if since he’s still running from us, but if we can lure him inside, he’s going to end up spending about eight hours a day in a crate. Which isn’t fair to him. Not to mention training him would be…” He reaches down, tapping his leg. “He wakes me up to go out in the morning, there’s no way that I’m going to be able to get ready in time. It’ll end up being a mess, and both Jack and I will end up a mess.”
Because he’ll just feel bad for the dog, and feel crippled which is something he’s worked hard not to let himself feel. Working hard not to feel that way and managing not to let those thoughts sneak in though are not the same thing and he’s still coping with his situation. Even as much as he likes to pretend that everything is fine and normal for him.
“So what? You’re just going to catch him to turn him over to some stranger?”
Shaking his head at Alex, Kyle pushed away from the door, moving to brush past Alex and head for the stove. This time Alex didn’t let him by with that gentle touch of arm to arm, his fingers catching Kyle’s wrist and curling tightly against his arm.
“No. I’m asking you to move in for a few weeks. Hell, probably a few months,” he says, wondering if Kyle can feel the thrumming of Alex’s fingers through the way he’s holding his wrist, pounding loud enough he can feel it in his ears and is sure it’s obvious to Kyle as well. “That way I can alternate my off days with yours, we can try and keep our hours from overlapping a bit and I’ll take the late night bathroom breaks if you take the mornings.”
There’s that silence again, but this one is heavier than before, weighted with thoughts and desires, and yet bound up in uncertainties and concerns. Balancing the could bes with the what if against what will be lost and determining if the outcome is worth the risks.
“You expect me to sleep on the couch for weeks? You going to pay for my chiropractor if I do?”
“I’ve been thinking about that…” And for longer than since Kyle first spotted Jack, but now wasn’t the time to bring that up. “I’m thinking about turning the rehab bunker into a secure computer room, once I work out clearing out what’s there and redoing an entrance for myself. That means I don’t need the study up here. I was thinking maybe you could help me change it into a guest room?”
Putting the words out there did little to alleviate the near painful racing of Alex’s heart. In fairness, it only managed to make things worse. Shifting, drawing a breath as Kyle gave him a long look, seemingly considering much more than just the basic idea of staying over to help with the dog.
“If you’re talking until he’s trained, you know that could take more than a few weeks. Like several months.”
“I know. I get it if I’m asking too much.”
“Not too much but if I move in and help you raise him so he’s not a latchkey puppy, what do I do if I get attached to your dog?”
“If you get attached? If?” Alex nearly laughed at that. “You built him a bed, and spent how long out there trying to lure him closer to you? You’re already attached, Valenti. I’m thinking though, he wouldn’t be my dog. He’d be ours.”
His chin lifted, watchingKyle intently, waiting for his expression change, to put together the slight hesitation in Alex’s tones, the implication of this. Of customizing a room for himself in the cabin owned by his gay friend so they can raise a dog together.
Alex knows it’s crazy. Kyle may have grown up but that doesn’t change the man he is. Alex is still recovering from all that happened only a couple of months before. Standing in that prison he had made the choice to die for the man he loves, and that man had come to realize he couldn’t handle the pain of loving Alex after all they had been through. It had torn Alex apart and yet he had understand why Michael couldn’t handle things with him, no matter how much it hurts. All Alex had done was hurt Guerin, and Michael deserved better than that.
So did Kyle, but then Alex hadn’t counted on his childhood crush returning. It didn’t matter though. Kyle was straight, and Alex was still a wreck, and in the end this was for the sake of a dog and not anyone else.
“What happens once he’s housebroken and trained and doesn’t need supervision for most of the day, seven days a week?”
Yeah, Alex hadn’t thought that far. He’d thought about how lonely he is in the cabin, and that much as he’s denied it to everyone, he can’t deny it now. Not with Jack asleep outside and Kyle there for the second day in a row, the third time this week, and he doesn’t want things to go back to how they were. Alone in the cabin, music playing, working more and more and forgetting about sleep, and food, and anything but going through years of Project Shepherd files. Those nights Kyle was there changed that though, and he couldn’t deny to himself how much he liked that time together.
“It’s going to be a couple of months before we get to that point,” Alex pointed out. “We can cross that bridge when we get there?”
They were both talking about more than just a dog, and they knew it. At least Alex is pretty sure that Kyle knew. It showed in the silence, in the way he stared at Alex and suddenly Alex was eleven years old again.
All he could think about was the crush he’d had on Kyle back then, the way he’d felt looking at his best friend, all tall and lanky and wilder than Alex ever was, and him staring at Alex just as he was in that moment. Just as he had before he’d become an asshole, a jerk, the monster and bully that tormented Alex for five years.
“We can’t drink beer every night,” Kyle said suddenly, as if that was the important part to all of this. “And I get up and run every morning. I’m going to start making you join me.”
Another talk they had hinted about on the nights that Kyle had stayed and never carried through on. Alex nodded though.
“We’ll have to work out a menu and split the groceries.” Not the bill though. Not so long as Alex had no rent because Kyle’s dad gave him the cabin, and not so long as Kyle was paying the bills on his place and not living in it.
“You don’t go into that basement without me here. Not until we get a better set of stairs for you.”
“He doesn’t sleep on beds.”
“Wait, what? Why not?”
Alex didn’t answer him, just staring at Kyle and waiting to see if he agreed.
“Fine, but he’s allowed on the couch.”
“And no table scraps or begging.”
“From him or me?”
Alex laughed at that, rolling his eyes. “Him. You? We’ll discuss.”
It was flirting and Alex knew it. Though, if he was honest, he’d been flirting for weeks. He just isn’t sure that Kyle recognized it as flirting or not.
Maybe though Kyle did as he leans in a bit closer to Alex, looking him dead in the eyes as he closed that distance between them until it was little more than a breath.
“I don’t beg,” he murmured.
“You’d be amazed what a man does when…”
The bark was sharp and loud, reverberating off the glass. Both of them jumped, darting back a step each as if they were schoolboys caught making out at the school dance.
Jack stood at the glass, fairly bouncing as he barked again.
“What’s gotten into... “ Kyle spun suddenly, racing to the stove. It didn’t smell burnt, but there was a tiny hint of char to the air. “Shit shit shit shit…”
He pulled them out, dropping the heavy pan with a clang on the stovetop. the very edges showing darkening though they weren’t burnt. Not enough to ruin them.
Kyle glanced at the door where Jack no longer stood, having wandered off now that they had saved dinner. His gaze shifted to Alex, arching a brow.
“Told you we needed a dog.”
Alex smiled at that, turning to get the dishes down from the cabinet and set the table. Kyle was right. Alex needed a dog. For the company. So he wouldn’t be lonely. And who would have thought he’d need a dog to help him get the courage he needed to try and move on with his life.
Kyle had been right.
But Alex wasn’t at the point to admit that aloud to him. Kyle’s ego didn’t need the help, after all.
-----------
It took a week before before Jack did more than dance just out of range every time they came outside, though by then Alex had come to realize just how much of a game it was. Jack slept on the porch, buried under his blankets and waited for them to seek him out.
He waited for Kyle to come out and feed him, barking by the door around dinner time, waiting for them to come out and share with him. Even if Alex put his foot down about not ever sharing with him. The last thing they needed was him begging, or getting sick from begging.
In the morning he raced around to the front door and chased after their cars, a stunt that was one of the first things Alex was going to put a stop to for the sake of his nerves. They found him sitting on the porch when they came home, but he didn’t even wait for them to get out of their cars before he was gone again, darting through the bars and rushing out through the desert.
Jack had even ventured in over the weekend when they’d left the door open while moving out what they could from the bunker, and moving the office things down as best they could. It was the day after the fundraiser at the Wild Pony. Michael hadn’t been there and Maria had spent the entire night trying to start conversations with Alex that he just wasn’t up for. Eventually he had gotten Kyle to agree one of them should be home watching over Jack, and Alex had fled the scene. All of it had made him even more determined to get working on finishing the transformation for the
All of the moving meant a lot of pain and struggle, both physical and mental for both of them. At one point when Alex looked up from lowering a chair to Kyle, he’d seen Jack standing in the kitchen, head up, trying to reach the counter and see what might be there. Alex didn’t move, didn’t make a sound. Suddenly Jack’s head turned and he gave a sharp yip as if answering something that Alex hadn’t said, and then he was darting back out the door and diving into the blankets of his bed. He didn’t run further than that, but it had still been boundaries set.
That Monday though, everything changed.
Kyle had pulled a double Friday night, been called in Saturday night on an emergency, and then took the Sunday midshift for a friend before working that night. He assured Alex it wasn’t normal, and that he was fine helping with the moving as well, unwilling to postpone things for another weekend. Alex was sure it was because the bed was due for delivery Monday and it meant not sleeping on the couch any longer. He had said as much to Kyle who had assured him, after some teasing, that it was just that he wanted to be there, at the cabin. Alex told himself not to read too much into that, but he couldn’t help it and the words kept echoing in his head.
Coming home Monday he found the house empty though, the new bed in Kyle’s room, and his roommate nowhere to be found despite his truck parked out front. Opening the back door, he found both his roommate and their dog.
Kyle was asleep, out like a light in one of the chairs by the fire pit, using his jacket as a blanket. His head back, mouth open, and Alex couldn’t help but to get his phone out and quickly get a picture of the image before him. Especially because that was the morning that things changed. Jack sat next to him, body pressed close to Kyle’s leg and his head resting on his knee with Kyle’s hand on the dog’s speckled head, fingers brushing absently over one ear, even while asleep. Alex went very still, waking Jack but not Kyle. The dog growled, a low warning that Alex understood well and he backed away, closing the door behind him.
An hour later when Kyle woke up, Jack followed him into the house, dropping by his feet in the living room as if he’d been doing that every day for his entire life.
“Do I want to ask how you managed this?” Alex was more than amused, grinning at Kyle the whole time they discussed dinner options with Jack lounging there on the floor, asleep once more.
“I have no clue,” he admitted, shrugging, shifting his foot and resting it against Jack’s side.
The pup shifted, rolling closer to Kyle’s foot with a tiny sigh. When Kyle moved his foot once more a second later, away this time, Jack’s head came up, glancing at Kyle as if expecting them to be on the move again. He had taken to preparing for motion every time Kyle moved, pale blue eyes watching him warily. “I fell asleep and woke up with him nearly in my lap. I guess he’s okay with us now.”
“Okay with you. He threatened me soundly when he thought I might wake you up.”
“Oh come on, he’s a puppy. He didn’t threaten you.”
Alex didn’t answer that. Not with words. Instead he stood up, crossing from the couch to the chair where Kyle sat. Jack was on his feet in an instant, legs braced stiffly, hackles raised, and his growl definitely a threat.
Kyle rested his hand on Jack’s head, leaning in closer to talk to him. “Now come on. That’s enough of that. It’s our house and be good.”
“Might be our house,” Alex said, veering around the chair and heading for the kitchen for a take out menu. “But it’s your dog. Guess it’s a good thing we’re just friends,” he called back, making sure he was fully out of the room before he said it.
And much as Kyle might argue that the dog didn’t hate Alex, the truth was there plainly to be seen in the coming weeks. He was only glad he hadn’t had to respond to that last comment, wanting to know if Alex is regretting that… and not sure why his first thought was actually that it really was too bad they were just friends.
If Kyle was home, Jack was on his heels. Back and forth to the kitchen for water or snacks, waiting outside the bathroom whining when he showered, trailing him on his morning runs. Alex had put his foot down to Jack’s begging during meals, though all it usually took was Alex moving towards him and Jack darted for the back door.
Sadly he often didn’t notice if the door was open or not, a loud thump meaning he hadn’t stopped in time. It bothered them both enough that they just took to leaving the doo open when they were home, agreeing that eventually he had to stop spooking every time Alex came near. Until then though, it made them both feel less cruel if they did what they could to stop Jack from slamming into a closed door.
Not that Alex didn’t try and make friends with “their” dog.
They took to having Alex feed Jack all his meals, and he set out treats for him throughout the day to try and convince Jack that he wasn’t evil. Kyle sat with Alex in the evenings on the couch while they watched tv or talked about life, such as what Isobel was up to, how Liz and Rosa were doing, reports on Jesse’s condition. Everything but that one topic they never touched on, and those two people they never shared about. Even if Alex had seen them around Roswell, couldn’t avoid the topic since his family was inextricably linked to Alex’s “family”.
The result was that Alex and Kyle remembered the friendship they’d once had. The secrets told, and the trust that had been ruined when they were still so young out of peer pressure and fear. Jack was the reason they became closer, that they stayed up late on their nights off talking and joking and mocking movies and playing video games until the night sky paled with the dawn. Days turned to weeks, and they had to face that Jesse had to be let to wake up, and that Liz’s solution to “save” Max had worked, even if they were both unnerved by it. And Kyle a bit excited, not that the science of it could ever really be discussed or shared. They found common ground they never had before and a deeper understanding of one another that brought them closer together with each passing day.
Jack, however, was not fooled and he would not be won over though eventually there was an uneasy truce. Jack stopped jumping up and bolting the moment Alex stood up. Alex still fed him, offering him treats any time they were in the kitchen together. It came to the point where Jack would take the treats from the floor, or the air if Alex tossed them to him, though he wouldn’t come any closer.
But it was the same for Kyle and Alex as well. At first they went about their own lives, their own schedules, just two people sharing the same space and caring for the same animal. After the initial move in, things went back to how they’d been, making sure they were both there for dinner one night a week.
Then one week, just as if it’s how they had always been doing things, they started planning their meals for the upcoming week. Maybe it was that Kyle had a full week of days, and it meant not juggling things too badly between them just in making sure Jack didn’t spend too much time alone. Maybe it was being tired of fast food and take away and scrounging in the house, but it just suddenly changed, and they never looked back.
Plans were made with the other in mind. They started socializing more together, including events at the hospital and Kyle going with Alex to his unit’s picnic. Certainly the latter was more so that he wasn’t attending the event alone, or worse, with one of his brothers showing up, but for Alex especially it felt different. And he loved it.
Much as he loved another and knew he would always be connected to him, Alex had someone in his life who he felt he could share things with. He’d thought it once before, and had hoped they could overcome it all, have moments like this, but maybe all of that had been too much. Alex had run one too many times, and he’d hurt the man he loved, and the pain they both brought to things when they were together just too much. He’d always and forever love Michael, but he had offered his life to him and it hadn’t been enough. No that wasn’t true and he knew it. It had been too little, too late, and he would never blame Michael for being the one to walk away this time. Not after all Alex had done to him.
And so he moved on as well, doing what he could to try and just be happy with what he had. Good friends and a dog that wasn’t his dog but was, and it was all good and he could live with what he had.
So of course, when he’d given up on finally bonding with the pup that several months later was growing much more into a dog than the gangly stray he’d been, Alex finally won Jack over, and it was entirely by accident.
Alex hadn’t wanted to think about how well things were going. Not just in having a best friend, a roommate, that he shared so much with but in Jack’s training as well. He hadn’t objected at all to living in the house, and had stopped racing into doors. Not even when he was startled. He never strayed from the cleared area of the house, and had been seen twice by the vet and he was doing well physically and mentally. Housebreaking was almost over, and he rarely had accidents in the house, though he still barked at Kyle to let him out in the morning if he felt Kyle was being too slow. At least he let them know he had to go now! It was actually helpful, even if Alex hated being woken up those few minutes early. He always felt like he was being cheated.
Each day Jack got stronger and healthier and he was obviously happy, even with not much liking Alex.
Alex didn’t worry about that, but did find himself trying to ignore the sadness that settled in his heart when he thought about Jack doing so well. Once he was fully trained and could handle being alone during the day, Kyle would move back to his apartment and as the days went on, Alex realized he wasn’t ready for that. Not for Kyle to leave, or for him to take Jack with him.
Not that Alex was sure he would have much of a choice except to be happy with things while they lasted. A choice easier said than done though he tried to focus on what they had and not all that he was sure he was about to lose.
They were coming up on the six month mark when Kyle texted Alex one afternoon asking if he’d be home around five. Most days Alex was, ever since he’d started the separation process to leave the Air Force, and he’d said as much. All Kyle had said was that he’d see Alex then.
Alex had been in the middle of going through things he’d grabbed from his father’s home before his brothers saw fit to throw it out, and going through to find out what actually should be thrown out and what didn’t need to disappear out of spite. The living room was covered in everything from old hard drives to a silver suit with the withered and decayed remains of a boutonniere still pinned to it and until that text from Kyle, Alex had sort of been thinking to be a smart ass and tell Kyle he owed him for the suit.
Now it just seemed tasteless and hurtful.
Tossing most of it back into the boxes they came from, Alex figured he’d finish all of this later. Likely when he had a guest room to store them in because nothing in him can think of what Kyle wanted but to discuss Jack’s ownership and moving back to his own place.
Glancing at the clock, Alex figured he had time for a shower and still be ready when Kyle got there. Ready. Yeah, that wasn’t something he would honestly be ready for, but Alex can be cleaned up and dressed so he can look entirely casual and not heartbroken. Again.
It was only after he was naked on the edge of his bed, prosthetic laid out beside him and Jack sitting in the doorway, head down and looking at Alex suspiciously did he realize his crutch was back out in the living room. Not that he used it much these days, but hopping from there to the bathroom was not something he had planned. Or wanted to do.
Not until he glanced at the prosthetic beside him, imagined putting it on and then going through all the shit of getting his crutch, coming back and taking it off, all while Jack followed him like Alex was the one that didn’t belong there in Jack’s home. He was skittish enough normally but Jack hated the crutch about as much as he had originally hated Alex and he just wasn’t in the mood. Not while preparing himself for Jack’s big departure sooner than later.
“Alright, Jack. Let’s go out,” he said, hoping to get Jack to rush for the back door and clear him out of Alex’s way.
And it worked. Jack went running and Alex pushed himself up awkwardly to stand, considering his options. The gap from the bed to the dresser was easy, gripping the slick wood the instant his fingers touched it, standing there for a long moment, considering the gap between the end of the dresser and the door frame. Maybe five hops. Just five. With nothing to catch onto and balance himself with. He’d been training for moments like this though, doing his physical therapy. He could do this.
He couldn’t do it.
His ankle turned, sending Alex crashing to the floor with a sharp cry of surprise. Twisting to try and catch himself with his hip and not his wrists as he’d been taught during physical therapy in another country alongside dozens of other military men and women learning to live without their limbs. It jarred him to the marrow, teeth clacking together. Laying there and seeing stars for a minute, trying to think rationally instead of panicking.
He’s stuck on the floor. He’s alone. He has nearly two hours until Kyle gets there, but that’s not that long. Even naked it’s not that chilly and so long as he can stay calm, can keep himself from panicking, he knows he’ll be okay.
Now he just has to keep himself from panicking.
The clack of nails on the floor didn’t surprise Alex, but that sudden wetness of Jack licking at his cheek makes Alex startle. Jack jumped back, head canting as he stared at Alex accusatorily, then he moved in closer, licking at Alex’s face once more.
“If you’re just celebrating my demise, Jack, you’re sadly mistaken.”
Muttering the words, turning his face as that wet tongue slathered over him once more before Jack stepped back and lifted his head, letting out a long, aching howl.
“What the hell, Jack?”
Jack didn’t stop though, just calling out, his voice undulating until Alex realized he was calling for help. Maybe. Like he was looking for Kyle? Or, as Alex had accused, celebrating his death.
Whatever it was meant to be, Jack was there for him, alternating licking at Alex’s face and then barking and howling more. It made Alex realize he wasn’t going to stay there for a couple of hours until Kyle got there. If nothing else, he couldn’t let Jack worry for hours.
Drawing a breath, Alex half dragged, half pushed himself to the living room until he could reach his crutch. It nearly fell on him as he grabbed it, sending Jack skittering across the room, running into a box before he leapt the other way. Ears and tail down, he darted forward to press himself tightly in against Alex.
“Hey hey,” he whispered, leaning back against the wall and cradling Jack in his arms. It’s the first time he’s touched the pup without him fighting Alex, cuddling Jack close to his chest. “It’s okay, Jack. Shhhh.”
Holding him close, finding some kind of relief in that moment, all those dark thoughts that the dog knows he’s not a good person kind of melt away. Letting Jack lick all over his face for a few minutes before kissing him on the end of his nose.
“Okay, Kiddo. Let’s get me on my feet and into the shower,” he said, knowing he can’t let himself wallowing, using Jack’s wriggling happiness to pull himself together, calm down, and with the help of his crutch, pull himself to his feet. Whatever was coming, he could handle this. Even if it meant Kyle leaving, Alex wasn’t alone. Not really.
He was definitely not alone when Kyle got there a little after five, coming in and pausing at the image before him. Alex stretched out on the couch with Jack settled in between himself and the back of the couch, one pants leg hanging at an odd angle, and his hand resting on Jack’s head. Jack was sound asleep, and Alex was smiling, his hand resting on the pup’s head, scritching between his ears.
Kyle had changed after leaving the hospital, wearing black slacks and crisp white shirt open at the throat. He had cufflinks on, squares of black onyx, and Alex realized he was definitely dressed up and likely had a jacket in the car. Huh.
“Someone looks like they’ve got a hot date,” Alex managed, hiding the pain in his expression by shifting to sit up. Jack whined at being moved, harumphing as he curled up into a tight ball, his tail over his nose.
“I’m kind of hoping so,” he said, shrugging, though his gaze was on the prosthetic laying on the coffee table over the door to the bunker. “Is there something wrong with your leg? Do you need me to look at it?”
Alex shook his head, gesturing at it. “Pick it up and move it. Like wiggle the knee hinge back and forth.”
Frowning at the request, Michael picked it up, moving the joint with a wave of his hand.
The moment he did, Jack bounced up, growling at Kyle before he raced for the back door.
“What the hell?”
Alex smiled, fairly smug about this turn of events. “It’s not me. It’s the prosthetic. Best I can figure out is it makes a sound he doesn’t like so… I’ll have them look at it, see what we can do. At least we know he doesn’t hate me.”
“As if anyone could hate you.” Kyle set the prosthetic down, moving to perch on the edge of the table next to it. “But now we know, and he’s coming along well with his training. I’m sure we can get him to adjust to that with time.”
“Is that what you wanted to talk about? How well Jack’s doing now?”
“Uhmm, no actually I wanted to see if you wanted to go to dinner with me.”
“Don’t you have a date? You just said…”
Kyle just stared at Alex, waiting for him to put two and two together. Something that he’d thought was obvious after all these months, and his request to see Alex.
“Wait, are you asking me out?”
Though apparently it wasn’t.
“Uhmm, yeah? I mean, it’s kind of backwards since we’ve been living together for like six months now, but I figured it was as start.”
“To what?”
“To dating?” Kyle frowned so deeply it etched the corners of his mouth. Opening his mouth and then shaking his head, rethinking his words because he suddenly had a sinking suspicion they weren’t actually on the same page and hadn’t been for a while. “Maybe I haven’t been clear? I thought I was, but I also wanted to give you space because I know things have been rough for you. I know you say it wasn’t a break up but it was, and it was rough and I get that. But now that Jack can handle being alone for a while, I thought we could at least take an evening together. Start working this out.” Clasping his hands with his elbows resting on his knees, head cocking to one side. “You weren’t thinking the same thing about us dating?”
“You’re straight.”
Kyle laughed then, knowing that was going to come up and having already thinking about what he’d always believed and what he was learning about himself. A lot had changed in Roswell since he came home, and a lot was changing for him, with him, as well.
It was promising though when Alex began strapping on his prosthetic leg, much to Jack’s dismay as he ran for the back of the house and out the open door.
“I’m… learning that those terms only mean so much when it comes to what you want. Maybe I’m just selective when it comes to some genders.”
“Selective?”
“As in, I select you. If you’re willing. I mean… for dating, and then we’ll go from there”
Alex looked up from where he was bent over slightly, adjusting the sleeve of his prosthetic, staring at Kyle for a long time. “You know that’s called bisexual, right?”
“Maybe,” he says, looking away to watch Jack wandering back in and then glancing at Alex. “Might be pan though.”
“Maybe. You might be pan,” Alex agreed noting that Jack didn’t bolt or growl, though he looked warily confused as Alex stood, moving closer to Kyle. “Feed our dog while I go change.” He paused for a moment before leaving the room, considering how honest he wanted to be. “I thought… When you texted I thought you were going to tell me you were moving back into your apartment and taking Jack with you.”
“What? No. Please. You and Jack need me too much.”
A dozen retorts were there, practically on the tip of his tongue, but Alex only smiled at that, nodding. “You’re right. We do need you. About as much as you need us.”
“Not arguing that. Now, go change, I’m hungry.” He let Alex take a few steps before deciding that maybe he should be honest himself. “And Manes?”
Alex glanced back, arching a brow. “Yeah, Valenti?”
“”I subletted my apartment to the new head of surgical two months ago on a year lease. I’m not going anywhere. Our cabin. Our dog.”
Ducking his head, Alex was glad to be able to hide the flush of his cheeks, the wide smile that nearly hurt his cheeks. It wasn’t how he imagined life would go, and they’d all been hurt along the way but maybe this is how things were meant to be. Or just how they were for now. Either way, he’d take it.