Archive of Our Own ^beta

    I barely step through the door at Purgatory when I feel the faint tingle of Kaidan's biotics lightly brushing my thigh. My skirt flips up and I push it back down immediately, already scanning the room for him. I find him quickly, looking down at me from the second floor with a grin. I start to raise my hand to wave only to find it caught by Miranda. 

    "Oh come on, Shepard. Normally I'm all for pissing off Jack, but she made a good point about the strippers." I laugh and lower my arm. 

    "All right, all right, I'll do my best to ignore him." I shrug up at Kaidan before Miranda slips her arm through mine and we head towards the dance floor. I, of course, fail immediately at my promise and glance up towards him again. He's not looking at me this time but at Garrus, who's staring slack jawed at something behind me. Or someone. I don't have to look to see who that someone is.

    "Looks like somebody's already been noticed," comes a disembodied voice next to me. I sigh. 

    "Come on, Kasumi, can't you just stay visible for one night?" I ask.

    "Where would be the fun it that?" she responds, her tone honestly confused.

    "How will you find a set of abs to dance with if you're invisible?" offers Miranda.

    "Hmm. You have a point." She appears beside us, causing more than a few strange looks cast our way and a spilled drink or two. I'm not sure if Kasumi is pretending not to notice them or if she's so used to it happening that she honestly doesn't. Either way the gawkers are ignored as we walk by.

    "Drinks first!" calls out Jack from just behind us. I turn to face her, taking a few balanced steps backwards on my heels.

    "More drinks already? Are you trying to get me completely plastered?" Jack smirks at me.

    "That's the general idea." We detour toward's the bar, a group of the galaxy's finest just looking for a good time. Of course it's less than a minute later that I feel a pair of warm, strong arms wrap around me from behind.

    "You look amazing," Kaidan whispers in my ear.

    "Damn it, Kaidan!" says a frustrated Jack. "I told you we weren't having a joint party!" Kaidan shrugs.

    "Then you shouldn't have brought her here," he says, nuzzling my neck.

    "Yeah, Jack," says Joker, leaning against the bar and glaring at her, "I thought I said you could have Purgatory after we went back to the apartment for poker." Jack gives him an amused look. 

    "And I thought I told you I don't give a shit about your plans. Now gather up the groom and the rest of your boys and head back upstairs." Joker lets out a mock sigh and shakes his head.

    "It's far too late for that now. The only way you're getting Kaidan away from Shepard is with a crowbar. Not to mention Ken and Gabby." He gestures to the floor where the two in question are already dancing. Jack groans and signals to the bartender to hurry up with her whiskey.

    "Fine," she says, admitting defeat. "We're only here for an hour or so anyway. Our entertainment is due back at the apartment for ten." It's Joker's turn to groan.

    "Oh come on! You know we have the poker table all set up." Jack chuckles and downs her whiskey in one shot.

    "What part of I don't give a shit did you not understand?" Joker lays his head against the bar.

    "Worst bachelor party ever." I can feel Kaidan's chest rumble against my back as he chuckles silently.

    "It's not that bad," says Cortez, joining us at the bar with James close behind. "We can just close the door to the back room. We'll play poker, they'll have strippers, it will all work out. In the meantime," he says, turning to Sam, "I believe Miss Traynor here owes me a dance." Traynor laughs and takes his hand.

    "You and me on the dance floor? Too dangerous." Wrex takes her place at the bar as they head out to the dance floor, setting down his ryncol and turning to Liara. 

    "What do you say, Liara? Join me on the dance floor? Or am I just too much Krogan for you?" Liara laughs but looks hesitantly towards Javik.

    "Javik?" I ask, knowing Liara won't. "Will you be joining us out there tonight?" He sneers.

    "Protheans do not dance." Liara's face hardens slightly- I think there's more going on behind closed doors for those two than they're willing to admit- and she pulls Wrex towards the dance floor.

    "I'd love to," she tells him, not glancing back.

    "So, Jack," starts Vega, but she cuts him off with a sigh.

    "Fine, muscles. See if you can keep up this time, all right?" James follows her with a grin. I really don't think he knows what he's getting himself into. Kasumi turns with a mischievous smile to Joker but before she can say a word he's already talking.

    "No, no way, not going to happen. The last time I danced was eight months ago with EDI. There's no chance you're getting me on that floor." Kasumi doesn't give up easily though and her smile stays in place.

    "Oh come on, Joker. The best thief in the galaxy with the best pilot in the galaxy? We've got to have the best moves in the galaxy." Joker still doesn't look convinced. "Okay, how about this? You come dance with me and I'll buy your next drink." He seems to debate for a moment before giving in.  

    "Fine, but my next drink is going to be the hundred year old scotch," he warns as she drags him away. I notice Garrus standing just within earshot, trying to be inconspicuous, and struggle not to laugh. A seven foot Turian feeling awkward in a nightclub doesn't exactly blend in.

    "Well, if you'll excuse me," says Miranda, depositing her glass on the bar, "I think I see a set of muscles over there calling my name." She makes her way over to an Alliance soldier on the other side of the room, leaving Kaidan and me alone with Tali and Javik, the latter of which seems lost in his own world. He sits down at the bar a few stools down and orders a drink. Judging by his normal opinion of alcohol I'd say the Prothean is having a rough night. Kaidan moves slightly so that he's standing beside me with one arm still wrapped around my waist and orders a drink.

    Tali has been decidedly quiet through all this, responding to the greetings she's gotten from the rest of the crew but not saying much else. She's nursing a drink, still sober enough that she's not having any trouble with her emergency induction port. There's obviously something one her mind.

    "So, Tali, how long are you staying for? At least until after the wedding, I hope." Tali seems to steel her nerves before responding.

    "Actually, Commander, I wanted to talk to you about that. I've learned over the past few months on Rannoch that life planetside isn't really for me either. I can do more for my people by continuing to scout out and send goods back to the flee- to Rannoch." She takes a deep breath. "I'd like to formally request to rejoin your crew." Garrus's head shoots up and his gaze locks onto Tali. So much for inconspicuous. I smile at her.

    "Well, I can't think of a setting much less formal than this, but of course you can rejoin the Normandy. Besides, she always runs smoother with you aboard." Kaidan nudges me and nods towards Garrus who is walking our way with a purpose.

    "If you'll excuse us, Tali, I need to get Shepard out on the dance floor before Jack's glare kills me," says Kaidan, pulling me in that direction. Us leaving opens up a spot next to Tali that Garrus slides into. I strain to hear what they're saying, but Kaidan has already pulled me out of earshot. 

    He pulls me up against him tight, not leaving enough room for a breath of air between our bodies. He grinds his hips against mine, first one way then the other, and I move mine to match.

    "So, how's your party going?" I ask him.
    
    "Mmm, much better since you walked in," he purrs. I laugh. 

    "How much have you had to drink, Alenko?" He winks but doesn't answer the question. I glance back over to the bar to see Garrus and Tali talking, his hand placed over hers. With the exception of Javik everybody seems to be having a marvelous time. I smile. This is shaping up to be a great night.

    If anyone had bothered listening to me I would have told them this is exactly what I wanted for my bachelor party. Friends, drinks, fun, and Shepard. Granted I'm less celebrating one last party as a single man and more that I get to marry this woman soon, but still. Though Joker was right, they'll have to pry me away from Shepard. Speaking of which, judging by the looks Jack keeps throwing my way they're about to try.

    She checks her watch and breaks away from James, traveling in our general direction. She taps each girl on the shoulder as he passes and gestures to the bar, indicating to meet there immediately. I'm not sure she meant for the guys to follow but they do. Well, all but Miranda's partner. When he tries to she laughs and shoos him away. Jack catches Shepard's eye and motions towards the bar. Shepard nods in return and turns back towards me with a regretful smile.

    "Looks like this is where we part for the night." I shake my head at her.

    "Nope, you forgot. We're heading back to the apartment too. A... men's only poker game, remember?" She eyes me skeptically, her smile still in place.

    "Now Kaidan, you wouldn't be planning on ditching the poker game and making sure those strippers Jack ordered don't make it past the door, would you?"

    "What?" I ask with a laugh, faking incredulity. Damn, this woman knows me too well. She rolls her eyes and heads towards the bar, me close behind her.

    "Hands off, Donnelly," Jack is saying to Ken who's still holding on to Gabby. "The joint portion of this night is over." He raises his hands and takes a step back, not willing to fight with Jack over it. Pretty good idea. The kid can't shoot worth a damn and Jack's biotics are more than impressive. Jack nods at him. "Good. Let's go."

    Shepard gives me a quick kiss before being dragged away, shooting me a smile over her shoulder as she leaves. James whistles.

    "Anyone else ever notice that the women from the Normandy are the finest in the galaxy?"

    "So, poker time?" asks Garrus, seemingly eager to head back to the apartment. Joker sighs. 
:
    "So much for having the place to ourselves. Yep, let's go."

    "Uh, you guys go on ahead, I'll catch up," I say, heading for the quietest corner of the club. I wait until I see the guys heading for the door before pulling up my omnitool and making a call.

    "Beefcake's Strippers, we come to you. How can I help you?"

    "Yes, this is Major Kaidan Alenko, I'd like to cancel the strippers for Commander Shepard's bachelorette party." There's a slight pause before the receptionist responds.

    "With all due respect, Sir," he says, "we're more afraid of the biotic than we are of you." I guess that's to be expected, what with Jack regularly threatening to destroy people.

    "Okay, how about this, I'll pay double whatever your guys were expected to make tonight." There's another pause.

    "Can you also promise protection?" I chuckle. Jack may seem scary, but I've learned over the past two years she has a sensitive core. She's not going to hunt them down and hurt them for this. I think.

    "I promise."

    "Good," he says briskly. "Wire the payment immediately and I'll call Miss Nought. Have a good night, Major Alenko." I disconnect the call and head towards the shuttles where everyone's waiting on me. Joker watches me with narrowed eyes.

    "What did you do?" I shrug. My pseudo innocent expressions are getting a lot of practice tonight.

    "Nothing. Just had to call the tailor and confirm the appointment for our fittings."

    "At 9:30 at night, from a club?" asks Joker, clearly not buying it.

    "When are the fittings?" asks Garrus.

    "Next week," I say, casually continuing with the change in topic. Javik huffs.

    "There is considerably more involved with being this 'groomsman' than I was originally told, Major." Wrex clasps him by the shoulder.

    "Yeah, humans have a tendency to do that." Garrus nods as we climb into the shuttle and head back to the apartment. We walk in just in time to hear Jack yelling at someone on her omnitool.

    "What do you mean they're not coming?!"

    "As I said, Miss Nought," comes the nervous male voice I spoke to earlier, "there was an error in our booking. I'd be more than happy to reschedule-" Jack hangs up and glares at me.

    "You canceled them, didn't you?" My eyebrows hit my hairline. How'd she figure me out so fast?

    "Of course n-"

    "Save it," she interrupts with a sigh, sinking into one of the recliners. She looks up at me with a semi-amused expression. "How'd you manage it? I thought I had instilled enough fear in them that you wouldn't be able to pull rank."

    "I, uh, I paid double." Joker groans behind me. Jack quirks a smile.

    "You do realize that means I get to take what's left of your money in poker, right?" 

    "Hell yeah!" says James. "This night is looking up."

    "Oh come on! What happened to guys night?" laments Joker. Vega shrugs.

    "What can I say? The Normandy has the hottest chicks."

    Jack didn't clean anyone out. That honor, as usual, went to Angel. Wrex ducked out early to catch a shuttle back to Tuchanka. Being the leader of a planet has it's perks; he'll be able to commandeer another shuttle to be back in time for the wedding, so he doesn't have to stay on the Citadel until then. Liara left next, claiming important Broker business. Javik watched her go, though he tried not to make it obvious. Tali and Garrus left within a few minutes of each other so it's fairly obvious what was happening there. Donnelly got pretty drunk so Daniels took him home to sleep it off.

    When Jack left she made no secret of the fact she was taking James with her for a night's worth of company. He left with a grin on his face, but I really don't think he knows what he's getting himself into. By the time we see the last guest out it's past one in the morning. Shepard yawns and stretches and I admire the way her body moves in that dress.

    "What a night," she says with a tired but happy smile. "You ready for bed?" I shake my head slowly.

    "Not quite. See, since I denied you your entertainment for the night I thought I'd make it up to you. A more... private show." Her mouth turns up at the corners and her eyes sparkle with interest before she turns and dashes up the stairs. She pauses at the top and faces me.

    "Well? Are you coming?" I grin and follow her up the stairs. For us, it seems, the night has just begun.