Chapter Text
His humanity was irritatingly charming. The way he could weave himself into the very fabrics of the universe, always in a different place but never truly out of place, was equal parts disarming and terrifying. Something about that practiced ease made it impossible to look away for too long, as if the parting stare would somehow miss out on a well-hidden secret, a shadow that passed just by the corner of the eye. He was enchanting.
Surely one so powerful would have a fatal flaw, an Achilles’ heel of darkness hidden behind the peacefulness and the pleasantry; yet he showed nothing of the kind. Kun was completely, utterly ideal and that annoyed Johnny to no end.
On some days, Johnny would get particularly cranky about it, but being near Kun was like a magic eraser: he couldn’t stay upset for too long, not with Kun’s sunny disposition filling his days. It was just a shame that Kun was so good , because Johnny couldn’t handle the lack of imperfections.
That was, of course, until he told a lame dad joke (“What do vegetarian zombies eat? Graaaaaaaaaaaaaains!”) during their weekly lunch, and Kun, against all laws and logic, laughed so hard he choked on his lemonade. Now Johnny had a hysterical Kun with teary eyes, trying to cough through his laughter.
And Johnny knew he was screwed.
He spent the whole second year of college awkwardly pining over Kun; thoughts of exciting dates in observatories and museums, followed by calm evenings at their dorm, turning his boring Media Economics lectures into daydream sessions. Despite it all, he was convinced that the romantic attraction he felt for Kun would soon pass, probably by the time Kun started dating someone. Johnny was sure that time had come when Kun introduced everyone to Ten, who seemed to be the perfect kind of crazy for Kun’s calm and collected self.
Yet summer break came and went, Kun was still very much single, and Johnny was still, very much a mess.
Their third year was entirely too busy, and their friendship dwindled until Kun suggested they spent their study time together. There wasn’t a lot of conversation, but sharing a corner at the library, borrowing each other’s highlighters and the occasional shared comment did wonders for their closeness. Who knew lamenting about essays was a buffer against distance?
Their last year went by faster than they expected, but they tried to make the best out of it. For the first time, Johnny attended his campus events, and if Kun being there factored into his assistance, well, who can blame him? He’d gone from a crush to a casual friend, to his closest friend in the three years they knew each other. He didn’t even need to love Kun, just knowing that he was there was enough to amount into Johnny’s enjoyment. And yeah, maybe he wasn’t that hyped about the college sports events, but it was downright hilarious to see Kun getting completely hyped up about it, screaming to the players, and almost knocking his food from his lap.
Their last year was also a clear indicator of the paths they were looking to pursue in the future. While Johnny was talking with his supervisor to turn a very successful internship into full-time employment, Kun was interviewing for graduate school, some of their friends were already making plans to move away, and it became overwhelmingly obvious that a year from then, they would all be heading in different directions.
The closer graduation was, the scarier it became. Johnny knew he would put effort into keeping the friendship he valued so much, yet he couldn’t shake the bizarre fear of Kun not reciprocating the feeling. What if he found Johnny’s friendship a burden in the future? Or maybe Kun wanted to build relationships with people like him, pursuing a masters? The possibility of losing such a close friend was more distracting than Johnny would have liked, and Kun, ever perceptive, quickly picked up on it.
“You’re shifty,” Kun pointed out while they met for coffee (somewhere they could use their student discounts, of course), “And I’m pretty sure it’s not the caffeine. What’s wrong?”
Curse his perfect, empathic, beautiful self. Of course Johnny had made it obvious that he was freaking out, and of course Kun out of all people had to confront him about it. All he needed now was someone to spill coffee on him to officially make this the worst day, project deadlines included.
“Hey.” Kun’s reassuring (and soft, immensely soft) hand was touching Johnny’s forearm, his eyebrows were furrowed in worry, and his eyes were searching for a hint of what was wrong. “You don’t have to tell me, alright? Just, I’m here for you. You’re very important in my life.”
“You’re not leaving?” Johnny is almost embarrassed of the way his voice trembles. Almost, because the crinkling in Kun’s eyes, told him he had no reason to fear his vulnerability.
Confusion made way to fondness, and soon Kun was ruffling Johnny’s hair, messing it up.
“I’m not leaving any time soon.”
Johnny had never felt that much relief before.
--
Graduation was all kinds of crazy. Johnny refused to comment about the people arriving in sandals, because frankly, it wasn’t his business. (Except it was, because seriously, did they not read the instructions? The whole no bags allowed thing? Anyone?) Someone showed up without their gown and weren’t allowed in, and the canvas the school had made for the event wasn’t there on time, which meant there were people running around trying to fix it in place while everyone got in line to enter. The ceremony was as interesting as a graduation ceremony could be, which was not much at all, but Johnny didn’t mind it. It felt special.
As it turned out, the ceremony was the least eventful part of the day. After doing the customary “where the hell are my friends and family?” routine, Johnny took the obligatory photos (the ones for mom to post on social media, of course) and then jogged off to meet with Jaehyun, so they could ride together to their celebratory lunch.
Inevitably, he found himself bumping into Kun while looking for Jaehyun, like some sort of mythical entity was messing around with the sole purpose of making a fool out of Johnny. After all, what is one man supposed to do when faced with a bright eyed, beaming, excited Kun running his way? It’s only sensible that Johnny caught him in the tightest hug humanly possible, and it’s only sensible that upon hearing the mirthful chuckle that Kun let out, Johnny’s own laugh fluttered out from his chest.
“Hey you,” he managed once Kun had let go, “someone’s very excited today.”
Of course Johnny knew Kun had every reason to be happy. Top of his class, accepted into his first choice, offers popping up everywhere. Johnny could almost feel the inklings of those feelings from years before, when Kun seemed too good for Earth. But now, standing in front of him, watching him fondly, he found himself luckier than before.
Instead of seeing the perfect image of Kun, he’d been granted the privilege of sneaking into the secret rooms of Kun’s being, and watching an unfiltered version of him. Kun cursing while playing Smash and consequently apologizing, Kun guffawing at outrageous puns, Kun gently laying his fingers on a piano, no melody in mind other than the pitter patter of the rain against the practice room’s window.
Kun laughed, still as bright as ever, but the ever so slight movement of his eyebrow spoke of challenge.
“Oh come on, you’re gonna tell me you’re not excited?”
“I never said that.”
“But you kind of implied it.”
“You’re free to continue being wrong.”
And once again, they were laughing, for there wasn’t anything in the world that could dampen their day. Their day.
Later that afternoon, and after a significant amount of wine, Kun crash landed next to Johnny.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Shoot away.”
“Why didn’t we ever date? Like… was I reading things wrong?”
Johnny’s heart had never flipped the way it did at that instant. He’d asked himself the same thing many times before, but always drew blanks. Now, looking at Kun’s pensive yet calm face, he felt compelled to find a better answer than ‘I don’t know’.
“I loved you. Embarrassingly so, since probably the moment we met. Oh god, that sounds kind of weird doesn’t it? I couldn’t stand the way you just made everything feel new and alive and beautiful.”
Kun’s cheeks tinted with a bright red, whether from the alcohol or his words, Johnny didn’t know.
“But?”
“But… it scared me a lot. That we wouldn’t have time or that you’d find someone who would fit better by your side. And yeah. You weren’t wrong. I was just dumb.”
Kun stays silent, and Johnny feels like a fool. Now this wonderful man is moving on, and he’s never going to find out what it would be like to be by his side.
“Not just you.” Kun’s voice is soft and a little tipsy, but it’s honest. “I could have taken the initiative myself but I was… waiting I guess? I didn’t want to push too hard in case you didn’t want that. Me. Us. I’d never met someone who made me feel like I mattered so much.”
It was silly, honestly. They were not in the right place or the right time to be discussing their untapped feelings for each other. And yet it felt perfectly right, like a line had been crossed, but the other side held sweeter rewards.
“Oh.”
“I— Yeah. That’s all I wanted to, you know what? There’s some special wine Doyoung brought. I’ll go, I’ll go get some and we can forget I did this in the morning.”
It was silly, honestly. But something compelled Johnny to take Kun’s hand into his, and to hold him close, in some kind of hug that took all the breath away from him and gave him a whole new kind of air at the same time.
“Can’t we try now? Build our own fairytale?”
Kun’s nervous giggle filled the room, and it was the most adorable thing Johnny had heard, yet it hurt. It hurt so much.
“I want to… I want to kiss you.”
“Don’t let me stop you.”
Johnny had never felt anything like that before. Not the way Kun’s lips melted into his own, or the slight smell of wine that inebriated his senses, or the sudden warmth of another body pressing closely to his own, reaching for him. He had never felt anything like it, but he knew he wanted it to last him until the day he died.
“Woah.”
Kun’s cheeky grinned that followed was almost too adorable to wipe off.