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It’s nearly one in the morning, and yet Soobin still can't seem to fall asleep.
Soobin flips over on his stomach, then rolls across one side of the bed to another. A thousand miles away from home and he has to spend the night inside one cold hotel room with his current roommate sleeping soundly without a care in the world. There are only so many ways to keep one's self occupied, so he reaches for his phone again, scrolling absentmindedly on weverse as he browses through the timeline.
The posts come in a lot of shapes and styles but if there’s one thing in common is that most of them are hilarious. He screenshots some of the posts that he likes best and even leaves a short comment or two to express his amusement. The activity continues for what seems like hours before he suddenly comes across a picture of little baby penguins lazing around, and it would be a big, fat lie to say that they don’t remind him of a certain someone.
Soobin’s thumb hovers above the home button, the light of his phone illuminating his face with soft glow for a while before he presses down.
Gone was the bland weverse’s interface. He stares at the picture displayed there; two boys posing on the camera with the taller boy’s arm around the shorter one, a big smile on each their face. His gaze lingers on the shorter boy for a moment longer, eyes softening considerably when he sees those deer-like eyes staring back at him. With a sigh, Soobin swipes on the dial pad at the corner of the screen and taps on some numbers he’d memorized, then waits.
A beat passed, and then two and three. Soobin clutches his phone a little tighter, staring up at his dark ceiling. He doesn’t really expect the younger boy to answer; they’ve both had a long day finishing up performance after performance after all, but he can’t lie either and say that he doesn’t wish he would pick up the phone because—
“Hyungie?”
Soobin lets out a little gasp when the line is suddenly connected.
At the sound of Kai’s tired voice, he realizes he's made a grave mistake. He knows that shouldn't have called—but then again, he doesn’t think he could sleep before he’d get to talk to the person who has been clouding his mind all this time. So despite his better judgment, he keeps the line connected.
Please let me be selfish just this once, he thinks.
"Binnie-hyung?" On the other side of the line, Kai's small, slightly hoarse voice echoes again. “—you still there?”
"Hueningie?" he presses the phone harder against his ear, lips jutting out in frown because he can’t catch some of his words clearly. "Talk louder please, I can barely hear you."
Soobin’s stiff shoulders loosen up when Kai laughs softly into the transmitter. He knows he might sound like a whipped man, but that small, cute laugh of his sounds like bells in his ears. He bites down his lower lip as he curls into himself, suddenly feeling warm and sated.
"Sorry hyung, I’m still a bit sleepy.” Kai murmurs, deep and infused heavily with sleep. “Besides, I don’t wanna risk waking Taehyunie up, so you have to settle with my teeny little voice for now."
"Sleepy? Were you already asleep?" A memory flashes across Soobin's mind. Kai's warm, sleepy face; moonlight streaming across his pale skin and flushed cheeks; head a mess with whorls and knots. God, he loves their shared nights the most when he could hold him close against his chest and run his fingers through his fluffy hair. But now they are stuck in different rooms there’s no way for him to have his maknae pressed against his chest like he’d always done back at the dorm.
"Hmm, it’s midnight hyung.” Kai says with a small yawn. Which sounds even cuter than his laughs, not gonna lie. Soobin allows the whipped smile to spread across his face, knowing very well that the younger boy can’t see it. “Why are you still awake, anyway? You should sleep.”
“Can’t sleep, it’s cold here.” Soobin grunts as he turns on his side. He’s not lying—the air does feel a little chilly, but not enough to bury himself under heaps of blankets. “Maybe I will be once I make sure that you’re okay.”
“I am. Taehyunie is a good roommate,” he says in confirmation. “But well—”
His heart rate begins to climb up a notch when the line suddenly goes silent, only a tiny sound of sheet rustling and some unrecognizable noises that can’t really identify echoes from the receiver. Soobin can’t see Kai, but he can swear he hears him smile. He leans back on the pillows, unsure of why he feels a sudden twist in his chest when he thinks about his smile, but still he lets the silence linger.
"Ningning?" Despite him trying his best to keep quiet, the silence has dragged longer than Soobin had expected for a reply and also the small sniffle from the younger boy instantly has him worried. "You okay there?"
"Yeah. Might be a cold." Kai lets out a small chuckle. “I think I kicked the blanket down when I was sleeping and now my lower body feels numb. Wish you were here to hold me like you always did.”
"Geez, take better care of yourself, you idiot." Soobin chides him gently, but then he groans. “Ah dammit, I wish I were there too. If only I stopped Taehyun from claiming you as his roommate when I had the chance, we could’ve shared a bed by now. You wouldn’t be cold and I wouldn’t have trouble sleeping—a win-win situation, don’t you think?”
“But Hyunie wouldn’t have budged,” Kai says with a giggle. “You know I’m his favorite roommate.”
“True,” Soobin sighs. “At least I could try, though.”
After that uttered, silence falls over them. Soobin tries not to imagine Kai’s sleepy, half-lidded eyes staring at him, but the image crosses his mind anyway. His chest begins to throb. God, it’s only been hours and yet he misses his maknae so damn much it hurts to properly breathe.
“Binnie-hyung?” Soobin blinks out his stupor when he hears Kai calling his name softly. “Are you okay?"
Soobin plays off Kai's worried voice with a laugh. "Yeah. Just—you know, thinking."
"About me, I hope." Kai says, giggling.
Soobin snorts at the certainty in Kai's voice, but still, he doesn’t make any plan to counter him because it’s the truth anyway. He can’t sleep because he keeps thinking about how nice it would be to hold the younger boy against his body and rest his nose between his fluffy hair just like that time back in June. He bites down his lower lip hard, trying to find some words and yet he finds nothing worthy to say so instead of embarrassing himself further, he chooses to not answer.
It seems like he took his sweet time because the other side of the line has gone relatively quiet and for a second there, he thinks Kai had fallen asleep but then he can hear the sound of rustling sheets and soft, steady breaths coming from the receiver.
“Binnie-hyung?”
“Hmm?”
"I miss you."
Soobin freezes mid-thought.
“I miss you… so much.” Kai continues. “It’s only been hours but I already miss your presence. I really can’t escape you, huh? Just like you said."
Soobin slides his hand across the blanket and takes a tight grip, pretending that it's Kai’s delicate hand instead of the sheet. He can almost feel it; pressed lightly against his much bigger hand, his slender and soft palm. Soobin's lips twitch. He had never needed any flowery words or confessions because they both know their feelings clearly. But coming from Kai, from the boy he’s known since he was fifteen, Soobin wouldn't have minded being told those three words over and over on an endless loop.
“Binnie-hyung? You're still there?”
"Yes?"
“Do you miss me too?”
Soobin chooses to hold his answer for a little while, but then relents when he hears Kai calling out his name again with that soft, pretty voice of his.
"I miss you just as much…" Soobin says, his voice hovers at a hoarse whisper. "Maybe even more."
Kai giggles. "More than… Sean?"
"Shut up." Of course, he silently answers, but not out loud. He’s still not that brave to show his true feelings and he doesn’t think it will change anytime soon. "Sean is my son. No one is more important than my Sean, so mind your place."
Kai simply laughs with a weak puff. Along with his soft laughter, Soobin’s consciousness slowly sinks toward a deep, lazy slumber. But he slurs out one last thing, his hand tightening over the sheet as he imagines the boy sleeping beside him.
“Goodnight, ning. Dream of me."
Another laugh echoes from the other side, but unlike last time, Kai says;
“I always do.”