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Jaehyun doesn't normally answer phone calls, especially from numbers he doesn't recognize, but he's juggling a lot of things around and his finger hits the wrong button, and well, he's committed now.
"Hello. Is this Jung Jaehyun?"
"Yes?" He drops his calculus folder as he moves his phone to glance at the number again and print outs of theorems spread across the courtyard. Fuck.
"This is Ten with KBS. I'm setting up in-person interviews for Masterchef this week and was wondering what your availability is."
"Um. What?" He stops scrambling to pick up his homework, because um, what? That had been a joke, something he and one of his brothers had done to fill up some time during one stormy night they were on rush duty. "I have midterms Wednesday and Thursday?"
"Great. How does 11am on Friday sound? Is the provided email address still valid?"
"Yes?"
"I'll send you the details. Make sure you wear something you wouldn't mind being seen on television, just in case." And with that, Ten hangs up.
What the fuck?
*
By the time Jaehyun makes it back to the house that night, he's convinced himself this is a prank his frat is pulling on him because why would Masterchef be interested in him? He's a nobody who just cooks for his frat house, not an aspiring chef; he's in school to be a chemical engineer.
"Haha, very funny. Who did you get to call me? He sounded very official." He drops the pile of papers that he never got straightened out on his bed and faces his roommate, hand on his hip.
Haechan crooks an eyebrow up. "What are you talking about?"
"I got a call from Masterchef this morning."
"Masterchef? Oh shit, did you really send that application in?"
"I don't remember, maybe? That was last semester."
Haechan looks pretty surprised, not that that's not a front. He's probably the mastermind behind it, and when Jaehyun shows up on Friday to an abandoned building in his Sunday best, Haechan will pop out cackling. "What would Masterchef want with you, hyung?"
"Thanks, Haechannie," he says dryly, dropping back on his bed. He can feel his study guides crinkling under his weight.
"Maybe comic relief? Get you up there and watch you choke next to restaurant owners and chefs-in-training."
"Yeah, I already know it's way out of my league."
"You gonna do it?"
Jaehyun's quiet. Is he? He's been overly invested in Masterchef for years and he loves cooking, but does he really want to make a fool of himself on national television? He shrugs. "Probably." It'll make him look well rounded on his Master's application, at least.
*
Ten sends him a parking pass for the KBS garage (not that Jaehyun has a car) and instructions on how to get through security (which Jaehyun appreciates.) The help desk directs him to the third floor and Jaehyun's on the elevator before he accepts this probably isn't a well executed prank if he's made it this far into the building. Probably.
A soft spoken intern takes his paperwork and leads him straight to Ten to be interviewed, which really messes with Jaehyun's nerves; he was hoping for ten or fifteen minutes to calm down after arriving.
"You're a lot taller than I was expecting," Ten says when he looks up from flipping through the stack of paperwork the intern had handed him.
"Uh, I get that a lot, actually."
"Hm. Turn to the left."
Jaehyun follows Ten's directions, carefully posing several times, before facing Ten again. This is the strangest interview he's ever been on.
"And you actually know the difference between basting and blanching?" Ten mutters as he flips through the paperwork again.
"Is that a real question?"
"Sorry. Your face caught me off guard." Ten laughs a bit before handing the paperwork stack back to the intern. "He's punctual and pretty. Take him through."
And just like that, Jaehyun's on Masterchef without cooking a single thing for anyone.
How suspicious.
*
It's not until summer that filming starts. He frets about it a week or two and then forgets about it until he gets a call mid-May; he's got a lot going on between classes and his fraternity.
Ten asks him to come in to film some pre-interviews and meet some of the staff. It's right in the middle of finals though so he rolls in after a night of hard studying wearing the same frat tank he's been in the past two days with Red Bull stains on his basketball shorts.
"I thought you were going to be my pretty, preppy one," Ten tsks, sounding forlorn and betrayed.
"Sorry," Jaehyun says, sheepishly trying to smooth out the wrinkles in his tank. "You know how finals are."
"Yeah. We picked a bad time for this. Half the contestants can't make it today," the soft spoken intern says, pulling a brush out of nowhere and attacking.
"Generally we don't do hair or makeup for contestants. We're a cooking competition, not a reality show, and we don't care what you look like," Ten says, watching the intern fondly.
"But?" Jaehyun asks, wary as the intern pulls through a clump of knots with little concern.
"But I can already tell you're going to be the fan favourite so we're gonna help you out. You're actually the first one to show up today as well. The rest will learn that there's benefits to being early and befriending the staff."
"The rest are probably going to at least put on clean clothes before showing up."
"I doubt it. They're all college students. Give him your jeans, Win Win."
The intern rolls his eyes. "He's not going to fit in my pants."
"Good point. Go see if you can borrow some from production on the 5th floor. Take his shirt and steam it."
Win Win yanks Jaehyun's tank off and wanders back towards the elevator without another word, leaving Jaehyun just in his basketball shorts that, upon further inspection, are actually Haechan's. Oops.
"The other contestants are college students, too, then?"
Ten's buried back in his clipboard, flipping through different pages. "Oh, yeah. I was going to talk about it once everyone got here, but this season is Frat vs Sorority. We get so many applications from drunk college kids that someone thought it'd be a good season." Not that Ten sounds like he believes it.
Jaehyun can feel the tension rolling out of his body. He can definitely take on other college kids; he can cook better than any of the girls in any of the sororities on his campus and he's been in charge of the Psi Phi bake sale since he pledged in freshman year. Maybe he'll actually get an apron.
"Hey, come on. You can meet some of the judges. Johnny's probably around, too."
"What? Right now? I'm not wearing a shirt!"
Ten rolls his eyes. "It can only help your odds. Oi, Johnny! Come meet this season's winner!"
And here comes Johnny Seo, the longest running host on Masterchef, larger than life, laughing, and oh my God, Jaehyun is not fucking prepared to be meeting his idols in person, what was he thinking agreeing to this?
"Ten, you can't just pick a winner before we even hand out aprons," but he's smiling when he reaches out to shake Jaehyun's hand.
"Whatever. Do you see his face? He's already won Taeil over with that and they haven't even met yet. He's polite, too, which will ring all of Doyoung's bells, even if he can't cook for shit. The only factor is whoever we get as the third judge, and really, they all tend to end up agreeing with whatever Doyoung decides."
Johnny laughs again. "I see you've got it all figured out. What if I tell you they've hired the third judge and it's someone who will argue with Doyoung even if they agree with him?"
"Yeah, right. It's not like we managed to nab TY. He's busy this season."
Jaehyun's heart starts beating a little faster at just the mention of Lee Taeyong's stage name, and Johnny's smug grin scares him just a little bit. "He faxed the contract fifteen minutes ago. Something else fell through."
Ten's shriek is subsonic and Jaehyun's vision goes a little hazy.
What the fuck did he get himself into?
*
Haechan actually cackles when Jaehyun finishes telling him about his day. "Are you serious? TY? As in Lee Taeyong? The one you've been obsessively following since high school?" And then he breaks down into another fit of laughter.
"Yeah, yeah, it's not that funny." Terrifying is the word he would choose.
"Oh God. You've made me watch his entire show on Netflix fifteen times." An exaggeration but true, Haechan has sat through it several times, Jaehyun likes to have it on as background noise. "You have the receipt from his restaurant fucking framed." Also true. It's hanging over his desk so he can stare at it while he's studying. "You made us eat only things from his cookbook for an entire semester last year." Jaehyun's moved on to Taeyong's blog, he's just stopped mentioning where he's getting his recipes.
"Your point, exactly?"
"You're going to choke in so many other delightful ways than I imagined. This is going to be the best season of Masterchef that you ever make me watch. Can you get me backstage so I can watch you die in person?"
Jaehyun puts his pillow over his face and starts trying to suffocate himself. Might as well let Haechan see him die now.
*
So. It's not that Jaehyun's necessarily nervous on the first day of filming. Scared shitless, maybe, but not nervous. He got up extra early and let Haechan loose on him, so he knows he looks presentable for the apron battle, but his stomach is twisting itself in knots and he's hyper alert.
There's thirty-two of them crammed into the same waiting room and it smells a lot like a party at a sorority house, floral perfume over b.o. and despair. Whoever's idea this was had been sorely mistaken about this being a good time.
Johnny's standing at the front of the room, going over the rules and guidelines of the contract they've all already signed and walking them through what the first few days are going to be like, with Ten standing next to him, gripping his clipboard and looking grim and disapproving at them all.
"We'll be pairing you off. Pick your partner wisely, because who knows how long you'll be stuck together," Ten says ominously right before Johnny claps.
Jaehyun sees four different girls swing their attention his way, but the kid beside him acts first.
"Yo, I'm Mark. Partners?"
"Uh, sure. Jaehyun."
"Cool. There's a rumor going around that you're the production supervisor's favourite so everyone wants to be your partner." He does a little happy dance as Jaehyun takes a quick glance at all the disappointed faces.
He groans. "I don't know about favourite, but he seems to tolerate me pretty well."
They get in line and by the time they make it up to the front, they've become fast friends; they're from different frats on the same campus and may have had a philosophy class together last semester and were both definitely at the Chi Omega Sorority party last Friday night.
"Jung Jaehyun, are you wearing eyeshadow?" Ten asks when they finally make it up to him.
"Maybe? I told my roommate there wasn't hair and makeup so he took it upon himself to make me look presentable."
"There's not hair and makeup?" Mark asks, sounding a bit panicked, as if he's just realised he's about to film a television show with a cowlick.
"Nope. Which you would know, Mr Lee, if you'd been early even once." Mark has the grace to look ashamed before Ten grins. "You look good, Jaehyun. I bet you'll have a fan page before the first episode even finishes airing."
Jaehyun blushes, and his stomach cramps when Ten points them towards their cook station.
*
"So," Mark says conversationally, leaning up against the wall divider between them and the next team over. "I guess now would be a good time to tell you that I've never cooked before and my frat signed me up as a joke, and I've been too scared to admit it to the production supervisor because he may destroy me before I get the chance to finish my Associate's."
Jaehyun is picking through the provided ingredients in their fridge, wondering what they can make to impress anyone with the provided leftovers, but he sticks his head over the fridge door so he can stare at Mark. "What?"
"My frat won't even let me use the microwave."
Jaehyun gulps and eyes the roaming cameramen; two of them look busy with several sets of teams that are loudly fighting over the leftover rice someone found packed into the bottom corner of their shared fridge and Johnny's over talking to a team of girls with the third. He hisses and hopes that his mic doesn't pick up on it as he presses close. "Look, Lee Taeyong is one of the judges. You can not embarrass me in front of him, so just do what I say and don't get burned." He turns back around and snaps the kimchi up before the team they're sharing the fridge with can reach for it, balancing 6 eggs on top of the jar.
"Whoa, TY? You really are Ten's favourite," Mark grins, taking hold of everything Jaehyun thrusts at him. "Ten hasn't told me anything except to take a shower."
Jaehyun doesn't smile back, suddenly hyperfocused.
*
Don't stare, don't stare, don't stare, don't stare, but he can't help but take small glances towards the judges table when they finally file in. Taeil is just as tiny and cuddly and sweet looking as he is on television, and Doyoung's just as dark and imposing as Jaehyun had always thought. TY, though...
He looks like one of those Renaissance paintings he studied in that art history class he had to take freshman year, like he belongs in a chapel somewhere so he can be worshipped, sharp and untouchable and flawless and pure.
He's not smiling when he surveys the room with a sweeping glance; he looks too serious and too invested in this already. Taeil beams at something Doyoung says and paws at TY's arm, and Jaehyun takes a very deep breath.
"You okay, man?" Mark asks where he is mangling some onions with exaggeratedly careful cuts.
"Yeah," he says, taking another glance at the judges. "Hopefully."
*
Haechan's sitting on the sofa surrounded by their frat brothers when Jaehyun stumbles back in.
"Did you get an apron!" He calls out over the din, pushing someone's face out of the way so he can see Jaehyun.
"Can't say," Jaehyun answers before trudging up the stairs and faceplanting into his bed. He's a lot more exhausted than he thought he'd be from a day standing around and throwing stuff in pans, maybe he'll just sleep for the entire next two days until he has to be back.
"Come on, you have to tell me," Haechan says, following him in and bouncing on his bed. "I'm your biggest fan!"
Jaehyun grunts before pushing himself up and unlocking his phone so Haechan can see the selfie he and Mark took in their matching crisp aprons before they had to hand them back to Win Win for safe keeping.
Haechan gives a little cheer before zooming in on the picture. "Is that Mark Lee from Delta Kappa? I didn't know he could cook."
Jaehyun snorts; trust Haechan to know absolutely everyone. "He can't. He's comic relief or some shit, I have no idea but he's my partner for the next four episodes if we don't get eliminated first."
"Partners? I don't think I've seen partner seasons before."
"Yeah, this is a first and it's already a disaster."
Haechan coos soothingly. "At least you made it this far. Now tell me about seeing the love of your life in person."
Jaehyun flushes. "He's not the love of my life. I just really admire him."
"Sure. Did he glow with the light of the moon trapped under his skin?"
Jaehyun puts his pillow over his face and starts to smother himself again, but Haechan just pulls it off. "You know how people always say that celebrities are more attractive in person? I didn't know how that could be true before I saw him this afternoon."
He doesn't glance up but he can feel Haechan rolling his eyes. "Did you talk to him?"
"I have no idea."
"What."
"I'm pretty sure I blacked out while carrying our dish up to present it. One second I was juggling two plates on the way up, and the next I was back at our station with an apron. Mark said we did okay though."
Haechan is quiet for a moment, like he thinks Jaehyun is an idiot but doesn't want to say it. "Oh well. There's plenty of time to talk to him before the end. What did you make?"
"It'll be a surprise for when you watch." But he mostly says that because he has no idea what they made anymore.
Haechan definitely rolls his eyes at that.
*
They're in the middle of filming the fourth challenge when it happens. And by it, he means Mark finally catching something on fire. And by something, he means Mark.
Production completely stops while they take Mark to the infirmary to slather on some burn cream, but Ten takes and hides Jaehyun in one of the offices behind the set so he can have his little break down in privacy. (Surrounded by cameras with his mic pack still on. Jaehyun doesn't even notice.)
"Breathe," Ten demands.
"I'm trying!" Jaehyun promises, gasping for air. "What do I do if he's killed himself?"
Ten rolls his eyes. "Mark hasn't killed himself. He just singed off all his arm hair. He'll be fine."
"What if he quits because this is so dangerous and I don't have a partner anymore?"
"You'd be fine without him. We can see who's carrying your team." And honestly, hearing Lee Taeyong's voice behind him probably isn't a good way to stave off his pending panic attack. He's been so good about avoiding eye contact and keeping attention off of them so he doesn't have to feel Lee Taeyong's eyes on him, hoping to slide right under his notice.
He likes a degree of separation between him and his idols and it's not helping that Lee Taeyong just placed his hand on Jaehyun's shoulder comfortingly. "You two seem really close. Were you friends before?"
"N-no. We just met at the apron challenge," and as many times as he's imagined finally speaking to Lee Taeyong, he never thought he'd be talking about some weird kid with ramen hair that he just met. "But I still don't want him to burn all his fingers off."
Taeyong laughs and Jaehyun takes a shuddery breath; Ten looks done with this entire conversation. "He'll be alright. No one has been disfigured in the history of this show."
"Physically, at least. Doyoung has definitely left some contestants emotionally disfigured," Taeyong reminds them.
"He hasn't made anyone cry at all this season," Ten dismisses. "And no one has come to me begging to quit. He's getting soft in his old age." He pulls out his clipboard from absolutely nowhere and flips to the last page. "Besides, this is the last time you'll be together anyways. Next week we transition to solo challenges. Maybe Doyoung will make someone cry then." Ten sounds like he can't wait to find out.
Taeyong laughs again. "Come on," he says, hooking his hand around Jaehyun's arm to help him stand. "I came to get you because they're on their way back."
Jaehyun lets Taeyong guide him back to set and does his very best not to squeal like a little girl when he gets dropped off at his cook station to wait for Mark. And maybe he doesn't throw that shirt in the hamper when he gets home and curls up with it when he goes it bed; no one but Haechan has to know.
*
Mark gets eliminated on their very next challenge, but he doesn't seem very fussed about it.
"Bro. I've known that they were going to eliminate me as soon as we went solo. The only reason they didn't eliminate me when I caught myself on fire was you. Besides, my frat thinks I got eliminated ages ago and that I've just been moping at the library everyday. They're gonna be so surprised when they find out I even got an apron, let alone made it this far. Their prank backfired big time."
Jaehyun laughs. "Are you going to really go mope at the library to keep up the charade?"
Mark lights up like he hadn't considered that. "Yo, I'm going to be out of the house as much as I can be. Can I crash at your's to confuse them even more?"
When they leave, Taeyong ruffles Mark's hair and winks at Jaehyun, and Jaehyun almost breaks his shin running into the door frame.
Oh God, Taeyong is aware of who he is, and he's probably going to die a slow, exhausting death before he gets kicked off this show.
He whimpers a little bit and blames it on his leg when Mark looks at him funny.
*
Jaehyun gets to set early like he always does and slumps in the corner of the green room while Win Win flutters around, darting in and out on whatever errands the production crew sends him on. He smiles at Jaehyun and when he does his morning coffee run, he grabs one for Jaehyun as well.
"I guess we all know who is going to win this season," one of the girls says quietly to another, but not quietly enough that Jaehyun doesn't overhear.
"They shouldn't be so obvious that they already decided," the other one whispers back, equally as unstealthy.
Win Win snorts. "Just wait until Ten gets here. He's really going to make them think we're playing favourites."
"You are playing favourites. I haven't seen a single other person that you've brought coffee for."
Win Win rolls his eyes. "Ten always knows who's going to win, so what's the point in pretending otherwise?"
Ten picks that exact moment to burst in with a flurry of assistants behind him. "We have our first fan page of the season, based solely off the 30 second commercial we ran last night."
"What?" One of the girls gasps. "Who was it?"
"Jung Jaehyun. He even has a Twitter tag. They're dying to know more about him." Ten looks positively maniacal.
Jaehyun sighs, because he knows everyone is going to hate him even more now.
*
When they break before presenting, Jaehyun checks his phone to see a message from Mark.
yo, dont blackout when u go up 2 the judges they think ur just shy but ull have 2 speak ths tiem good luck! taeil thnks ur cute so xploit that if u can win 4 me!
And yeah, Jaehyun can't recall a single judging so far and he's been a little worried that he's going to get up there and make a bigger fool of himself than normal. He's actually pretty anxious about when this show starts airing and everyone gets to see exactly how big of a dumbass he's been, even though Mark has told him that everything has gone smoothly time and time again.
He takes a deep breath, and then another, when Johnny calls his name and when he glances at the judges' table, they're all smiling at him, the most encouraging expression ever on Taeil's face.
The walk up seems forever, his steps heavy and echoing, even though Jaehyun knows that the studio is noisy, whirling fans and the hum of lights and the other contestants mummering at their cook stations, mics turned off. He knows what it's like, standing there and waiting to see what everyone else has done. He clears his throat. "I made pie!" He announces before he even makes it all the way to the front with his tray; he stops and immediately blushes.
"Pie?" Doyoung says, arching a brow. "This is a chip challenge."
"It's Frito pie. It's pie made out of Fritos." He winces; god he's a dumbass. They can probably guess that Frito pie has Fritos in it.
Taeyong's friendly smile wavers a bit and Taeil puts his hand over his mouth, like they don't want to laugh at him but can't help it. He groans and hopes Ten will edit it out. (Ten probably won't.) Doyoung outright smirks before gesturing for Jaehyun to continue up.
"No wonder your partner always did the talking. Stop being so nervous. We don't bite," Taeil says when he can finally lower his hand.
Doyoung snorts a little. "At least, on camera." Some of the girls behind him giggle.
Jaehyun finally sets his tray of Frito pie on the table and does his best to stop blushing when Taeyong gives him one more smile before turning away.
"Presentation is… inventive," Taeil says, prodding at the overflowing snack-size chip bags propped up on the tray.
"Thanks," even though it's not inventive at all; that's just how you serve Frito pie.
"Inventive? He's basically plating with trash."
"I don't know, seems kind of trendy."
Doyoung and Taeyong descend into their normal bickering so Jaehyun looks at Taeil; it seems like the safest choice so he doesn't combust. His heart is banging around in his chest and he's pretty sure he's sweating, but Taeil's gaze is comforting. He takes another deep breath to calm himself and Taeil's smile stays steady.
"So tell us about your Frito pie," Taeil says when he gets tired of the arguing, bringing attention back to Jaehyun. "And also why's there ice cream in your other chip dish. Where did you even get ice cream? I didn't think there was any in the fridges today."
He gulps; he got it out of Doyoung's personal snack fridge backstage. Ten probably doesn't want him to mention that...
*
By the time he makes it home, Haechan has already spray painted a sheet and hung it on their porch so he's greeted with home of #jaehyunthemastercutie and several laughing brothers with Mark lined up.
"Did you pass out?"
"Nah, it was fine."
Mark doesn't look like he believes him.
*
One of the sororities decides to have a viewing party because they have the biggest TV on campus and it's probably the easiest way for Jaehyun and Mark to watch it together.
"Yo, this is going to be so bomb," Mark says when Jaehyun finally gets there. He's already tipsy and flushed; Jaehyun wonders where his shirt's ended up.
"Ready to prove your frat wrong?" Jaehyun asks, shifting everything he's carrying to Haechan so he can thump Mark on the back.
Haechan whines under the weight of the cooler filled with snacks and beer. "I can't wait for you both to look like idiots. I'm recording this at home so I can make fun of you forever."
Mark honest to god giggles, taking the cooler from Haechan and slinging it on his shoulder. "Like you're any cooler than we are. We're on TV! Jaehyun's a meme! And Ten fucking loves Jaehyun. There's no way he'd let us look too dumb on TV."
Haechan cackles. "Unless this Ten knows Jaehyun would be the best fodder. Pretty face, poor self control. Every dramallama's dream."
Which yeah, Jaehyun is low-key worried about that, that Ten has befriended him just in order to sabotage him, but it's months too late to do anything about that.
"Wow," Jaehyun says several hours later. Because, wow. He honestly does look like a dumbass, his deer-in-headlights eyes and how he frantically scrambles around their workstation, cobbling together whatever the fuck they had made; he can't even tell what it was, it looks like a pile of sludge. Was it fried rice? Kimchi oatmeal? Gruel?
Mark, on the other hand, due to the wonders of editing and Ten not hating him as much as it seemed, looks calm and collected and capable; Jaehyun hates everything.
He whines when Taeyong finally shows up on screen and the cameras capture his look of reverence and amazement, displaying his crush for the entire world to see. He hides his face behind Mark when Haechan bursts into laughter and digs his fingers into Jaehyun's ribs.
God, he can only hope that Taeyong doesn't bother watching every episode he ever films of anything, because this is fucking embarrassing.
His brothers continue to hoot and holler around him; he want to curl up somewhere and hide.
*
Jaehyun gets up early on his only day off that week and takes stock of the kitchen. Without him being around, his brothers have resorted to ramen and canned beans for the past few weeks, and he feels a little guilty about it even though they're grown ass men, too.
He wakes Haechan to go with him to push the cart and help carry groceries home, Haechan complaining the entire way there.
He's digging around the frozen section when he suddenly hears his name. He knows it's not Haechan because he left him on the cereal aisle and probably will have to collect him to go home. It could be any number of his frat, but he knows they're all passed out all over the house, their prez curled in the shower stall on the second floor. And besides, he knows that voice, that lilt, the hesitancy at the end, even though he's never heard Taeyong say his name before.
Fuck.
He briefly considers crawling into the freezer, but Taeyong's already seen him so what's the point? He'd just look like an even bigger idiot.
"TY-sshi, what are you doing here?" He asks when he turns around to see Taeyong in sweats and a ripped band tee, produce overflowing the cradle of his arms. He's proud that he barely stutters, but he can feel his chest flushing, traveling up his neck.
Taeyong laughs. "You can call me Taeyong off set, you know."
Jaehyun swallows. "Taeyong-sshi."
Taeyong smiles, and it's like sunsets and summits and warm rain on summer afternoons, and man, Jaehyun's really glad he didn't just say any of that outloud, he's such a creep, but fuck, how Taeyong's eyes shine.
"I'm here grocery shopping. I don't think my roommate has eaten at all since filming started, so I figured I'd set him up for a few days."
"Same, except I'm feeding fifteen."
"Oh? You live with your frat?"
"Yeah. Most of them live off campus in apartments, but I'm in the main house. None of them know how to make anything except Haechan, and Haechan's a brat who refuses to help anyone," he says. He knows he's babbling, giving Taeyong too much information he doesn't even care about, but he can't stop. He guesses it's better than blacking out. "They've bought stock in cereal in the past month and left all 500 empty boxes piled in my room in protest."
Taeyong giggles a bit. "Helpless, are they?"
"And needy." He chances a small smile and doesn't vomit, even though his stomach is swirling.
"Yuta is the same. He threatened to move out last year because I'm never home, but only lasted six days before realising he doesn't know how the real world works."
Jaehyun goes to answer when he feels a hand hook around his elbow and oh. Oh no. This is the worst possible thing that could happen. He glances down to see Haechan grinning his Cheshire cat grin, and yeah. He probably should have just crawled in the freezer earlier. Taeyong thinking he's a moron would have been better than whatever bullshit Haechan's about to spew. "Who's this?" Haechan asks, sunshine smiles and slanted sweet eyes. (The sweetness is fake. Jaehyun knows. He's on the other end of that manipulative look far more than anyone else in the entire world.)
Jaehyun must look helpless, because Taeyong reaches out to shake Haechan's hand, juggling his lettuce and carrots. "I'm Taeyong."
"Oh, golden Taeyong who's on fire from within? Taeyong, the plant that never blooms?" Haechan asks, and Jaehyun can feel himself paling, because geez, Haechan can remember something Jaehyun rambled on about while they were drunk and he was spouting creepy ass Neruda poetry, but can't remember to throw away the empty milk carton when he's done. What the fuck.
"I… guess that's me?" Taeyong says, eyes darting between Jaehyun and Haechan, bewildered. Haechan still hasn't let go of his hand.
"This is Haechan," Jaehyun says. "Unfortunately, he was my little last year and has stuck around." Not that Taeyong seems the type to even know what that means. "Like mold on cheese."
"Heyyyy," Haechan whines. "That's not fair. I've been a light in your life. Maybe not the light that wraps you in its mortal flame, but a light nonetheless."
Jaehyun feels himself flushing again and wonders if that's going to kill him, blood rushing in and out of his face. Can that give him brain damage? Whatever. He grabs Haechan's wrist and gives it a little shake until he lets go of Taeyong.
Taeyong gives a little chuckle, half desperate half amused, and rubs his hand. He looks adorable and shellshocked.
"Did you finish picking out your cereal?" Jaehyun asks, hoping that Haechan will get the hint and leave, let Jaehyun salvage this somehow.
But Haechan gets the hint and doesn't leave, just lazily grins at Taeyong and ignores Jaehyun entirely. "You should smile more on tv. Your ratings would probably be better. You're so much prettier when you don't look so constipated."
"Haechan, what the fuck?" Jaehyun tries to clasp his hand over Haechan's mouth but he just evades it, still grinning.
"Just trying to help, hyung. He seems like he doesn't know what he's doing with his career half the time."
Taeyong blinks a few times and Jaehyun can't tell if he's offended or not. Eventually Taeyong gives a small smile. "I'll take that into consideration. Thanks for watching even though I look constipated."
"It's not like I have much of a choice. Jaehyun falls asleep every night watching it. We've watched it like, fifty times."
"Fifty times? That seems like a lot." Taeyong's still smiling that oddly tilted smile.
"We've definitely have not watched it fifty times."
"No wonder my ratings have been so decent, you're half my view count."
Haechan laughs, his eyes glittering, and Jaehyun just knows this is about to go somewhere he won't be able to recover from.
"Well! It was great running into you! I think our prez is calling! Gotta go! See you tomorrow!"
And before Taeyong can respond, he grabs Haechan and pulls him off towards the registers, leaving a blinking Taeyong behind.
Haechan looks a little fond when they get to the cashier. "Hyung. You're a bit of an idiot."
He groans because, oh God. That was a disaster and he should probably just quit the show now.
*
"Sorry about Haechan," Jaehyun mumbles the next day on set when Taeyong strolls by his station without a cameraman hovering nearby. "He doesn't get out much, and he's a menace."
Taeyong laughs, and it is golden, sweet, all that stuff Haechan had been talking about when he was trying his best to embarrass Jaehyun. "He's a little weird, isn't he?"
"He's a lot weird. Sorry if he weirded you out."
"It was kind of cute. No one goes protective little brother on me often."
"Protective little brother? No, he was just being a jerk." Because that's what Haechan does best, ruin peoples' lives.
"If you say so, but I definitely felt shovel-talk vibes come from him. Don't worry, you're doing well enough without him interfering."
Jaehyun shakes his head and notices a cameraman coming close, so he dives back into his jello shot recipe. When he looks back up, Taeyong is gone, hovering near a girl that looks like she's been sampling a little too much.
Shovel talk?
*
"Taeyong thinks you were threatening him into letting me win."
Jaehyun's sprawled facedown on their floor when Haechan finally comes home that evening.
"What?"
"He didn't even realize you were just trying to embarrass me." He lifts his head so he can look at Haechan who has gone very quiet.
"What?" He asks again.
"Taeyong…"
"You're both idiots," he interrupts.
"That's a little harsh," Jaehyun whines, even though it's very true he can be a bit of an idiot.
Haechan rolls his eyes. "If you think that's harsh you should probably pull your head out of your ass and ask Taeyong for his phone number before I really start in."
Jaehyun blinks rapidly at him. "I can't do that! He can't give me his number! This isn't a dating show! He could probably get into all kinds of trouble."
"Ah, so you want his number. That's more than you could admit a month ago."
Jaehyun lifts his head, because oh wow. What a point. "It doesn't matter if I want it or not. He probably thinks I'm a dumbass."
"You are a dumbass. But you're a cute dumbass, and he seems like the type to like that. He could have walked off at any point yesterday, but he stayed there making moon eyes at you the entire time I was creeping him out."
"Why would you think that? He's TY, top celebrity chef. What would he see in a frat boy that keeps embarrassing himself?"
"I don't know? What does your entire fanbase see in you? You're like a puppy they want to take care of. Just ask him. Either he'll say yes and you can spend your time being gross texting him, or he'll say no and I'll buy you ice cream."
"No, you won't. You'll make me buy my own ice cream."
"Whatever. I'll help you eat it either way. Just ask him."
"He's going to say no. He doesn't have time for some kid."
Haechan rolls his eyes so hard it hurts Jaehyun's head. "But what if he doesn't say no?" And then, because he knows Jaehyun will probably whine and cry and mope for the rest of eternity and he doesn't want to deal with that shit, he pulls out his phone. "I'm going to Mark's. He's the only good thing to have come out of you being on this show so far."
Jaehyun blinks at their bedroom door; that's probably a fair assessment.
*
Ten looks a little dazed when he sweeps through the green room when they break for lunch.
"What's wrong?" Win Win asks.
"Jung Jaehyun."
"What!" Jaehyun yelps. "I didn't do anything!" That he can recall. Maybe he did. Ten tends to blame weird shit on him no matter what.
"In all the years I've been doing this show, we've never had a contestant's fan club actually show up at the studio before."
He can hear the other contestants groaning around him, complaining about the world's obsession with his dimples. He doesn't even know what to say because, what? He has a serious fan club that has mobilized and shown up where he works? What are they all going to do when he gets kicked off the show and never does anything public again?
Win Win is cackling. "Are they out front? Do they have signs? Are any of them in wedding dresses?"
"I'm glad you're enjoying this. Generally when there's fan clubs here, they're waiting for idols on Music Bank, not some dude bro that's worn the same pants every day this week."
The two Sorority girls left sigh in tandem. "You can't tell there's soy sauce on his shirt when he's covered up with his apron," one of them calls out.
"Should I ask them to leave?" Jaehyun asks, standing up, but Ten waves him back down.
"Nah, they'll mob you, and then you'll have to miss filming and you'll be disqualified. Do you really want to deprive your fans seeing you make mushy eyes at TY? That's half your appeal."
Jaehyun puts his hand over his face while Win Win continues cackling and the girls start. Ten looks especially smug. The only thing that could make this worse would be…
"Hey," Taeyong says, ducking into the green room. "Did you know there's a mob outside for Jaehyun? Has that happened before?"
Win Win probably isn't breathing anymore, he's laughing so hard.
*
"CanIhaveyournumber?" Jaehyun finally asks in a rush a week before they're supposed to film the finale, everything bleeding together in a great whoosh of air.
Taeyong just looks at him, but must be able to decipher Jaehyun's babble because he sighs deeply, and Jaehyun feels his heart breaking before Taeyong can even answer. "I can't."
Jaehyun takes a deep breath and nods. "Okay, then."
"No, you don't understand." And he grabs Jaehyun's wrist when he tries to turn away. "It's in my contract. No fraternization with the contestants while we're filming. Doyoung would probably pull that out if he knew we ran into each other grocery shopping."
"Oh."
Taeyong sighs again and glances around. "Ask me again when the show's done filming. I won't say no then."
Jaehyun feels his heart lighten, bubbles filling his stomach. "Are you sure? You can say no if that's what you want."
"I don't want to say no right now," and he breaks out one of his smiles, liquid and sweet, warmth seeping into Jaehyun's bones. "I've been hoping…" he trails off when he hears Johnny calling for him at one of the cook stations on stage. "I have to go."
But before he slips back into the stage, he squeezes Jaehyun's hand briefly.
Jaehyun thinks he's going to explode.
*
"Why is there a giant 5 taped to the door?"
"It's how many days of Masterchef is left." He's either going to get eliminated or win in that time, but either way, at the end of the week he's leaving that set a man with Lee Taeyong's number, so he's not even stressed about the outcome.
That's a lie. He's still stressed. He's even more anxious about looking like an asshole, and he knows Ten's aware and making him look even worse on airing episodes. He's pretty sure he found a patch of grey hair after filming last Friday when he got distracted and made a very teeny tiny slice in his thumb. Mark's catching himself on fire episode made Jaehyun look like an actual emotionally inept disaster; he can't wait to see what Ten does with Jaehyun's little blood freakout.
"That's it?"
"Yup. The last episode is being filmed Thursday."
"That seems really short."
"It's been the longest two months of my life," Jaehyun sighs. He's ready to get this over with and move on.
Haechan laughs. "Yeah, but what are you going to do afterwards? Go back to stressing about molecular structure? You've gotten further than you expected to. What are you going to do if you win?"
What is he going to do if he wins? Change his life plan and become a chef? He knows Ten discussed what the winner gets, but he's not sure he'd ever been paying attention when Ten starts rambling and pulling out legal words. Is it a scholarship since they're all college kids? An internship at one of their restaurants? Cash?
He doesn't even really need to win at this point; he's had enough of the limelight, girls approaching him on the subway for pictures. It's weird. He kind of misses the days when they only people who knew him remember him for that epic keg stand he did the weekend before. Not that he's had time for epic keg stands in a while.
Really, he's spent the last two months doing his best not to horrifically embarrass himself in front of Taeyong, and it seems like he's done a semi-decent job at that, so he's looking forward to stepping back from always being on eedge. Winning probably has all kinds of commitments he's not prepared for.
"I dunno," he eventually says. "I guess I'll do whatever my contract says."
Haechan rolls his eyes.
*
"Did you lose?" Ten sounds a little shell shocked.
"Yes." Jaehyun says as he folds up his apron tidily. (Though, coming in second isn't something he would consider actually as losing, per say. He just hadn't come in first; he's still leaving with everything he wanted.)
"Jung Jaehyun. Did you just lose?"
"Yes. I did." He holds out the apron for Ten to take.
He doesn't, though. "Jung Jaehyun. Did you just make me wrong for the very first time in all the years I've been picking winners for this show?"
"I guess so."
"Why are you grinning? You just lost to Kim Jungwoo. He made plain rice for the comfort food challenge. How did you lose to that!"
Jaehyun shrugs. "He's a lot more charming than he seems at first glance. I bet his food is just as unexpected as he is."
Ten collapses in a chair and Win Win consoling pats his head. "It had to happen at some point. Maybe Jaehyun's dimples didn't impressed Taeil as much as you thought they would."
"But the fanclub!" Ten wails. "I was certain!"
"Do you think they'll still love me now that I'm a failure?" Jaehyun asks, still grinning.
Ten just lets out another sob.
*
"What is he doing?" Jaehyun hears Mark ask later that night when he drops by to see how the finale went.
Jaehyun can't see his face, but he can almost feel the curl of Haechan's mouth when he answers. "Panicking."
"What is he panicking about?"
"He's trying to work up the courage to text Taeyong."
"Oh." Mark sounds a little surprised. "So what's wrong? I thought that TY liked him too."
"There's nothing wrong, really. He just doesn't know how to do anything without having a good, old fashioned breakdown beforehand. I thought you'd know that, as many times you were trapped in a tiny kitchen with him."
Which yeah, true on both accounts, but how rude. He gives a little whimper.
"Just text him! Fuck, am I going to have to hold your hand the entire time you're dating him?"
Which yeah, probably. "What do I say?"
"Uh, how about hi, this is the Mastercutie?"
Jaehyun groans; Haechan's never going to let him live that down.
(He eventually learns that Taeyong saves his number under "Mastercutie<3" even though he knows it embarrasses him. Why does everyone in his life hate him?)