Archive of Our Own ^beta

The way Yoongi firsts meets Taehyung is kind of dumb. Yoongi thinks that makes sense though, because his whole life has been kind of dumb so far.

Yoongi is sitting in the courtyard eating his lunch that he packed himself. The university food is too expensive so he settles for making his own meals. It’s pretty annoying sometimes because he really doesn’t have the time to go grocery shopping and cook lunch for himself every night, but he’s broke and sad and cooking is therapeutic in his own way so maybe that’s why he still does it.

He accidentally made extra today, or maybe it wasn’t an accident. He bought a different dried squid pack because it was on sale but it was bigger than the one he normally buys. While he was cooking the proportions were weird so he just ended up making more kimbap than he normally does. Yoongi guesses it’s fine. Hoseok is always saying he was too skinny anyways.

Yoongi sighed before lowering his hearing aid just a bit. Not many people eat out in the courtyard because it’s too loud, but it’s not like Yoongi could hear them well anyway. His ears have lost most of their functionality a while ago. At first it was devastating to have the world at only a tenth of its volume, like everything was muffled by a thick blanket or drowned underwater. But Yoongi has learned to live with it, learned that sometimes you don’t need to hear everything. That sometimes the world is too loud and it’s better to ignore it and just walk.

Like when his mom used to yack at him as a teenager, nag him about homework and whine about how much his hearing aid cost, it was times like those when he’d just turn it down and let the sound die into nothing, let it dissolve and get lost. When cars would honk too loud or people would yell at him for not listening, when his parents were fighting or when the orchestra kids were horribly out of tune, all of those were good times to be partially deaf.

It’s not like he’s completely deaf. He can still hear without the help of his hearing aid, it’s just low, subtle, like the ringing of a wind chime.

Which is why the big voice he heard surprised him so much.

“I didn’t know they sold kimbap here.” The voice said loudly, clearly.

Huh. Clearly.

Looking up, Yoongi saw a man, no, maybe he was a boy. A freshmen perhaps. He was tall and his hair was the color of honey. His eyes were big, they were bright too, looking at Yoongi with his full, undying attention, which was definitely weird because people don’t really do that. Yoongi was like a shadow on a dim day. Not something prominent, just something that’s there.

“It looks really good…” The man boy said, licking his lips like he could taste Yoongi’s lunch if he stared long enough. “Where’d you get it?”

Yoongi felt his eyebrows furrow unintentionally. His words were still muted, but he could make out the syllables, still put them together to make a sentence. He talked slowly, not too fast, easy to understand. It was kind of strange, to be able to hear someone like this clearly. This person must be really loud.

Yoongi brought his hands up to sign instinctively, but immediately brought them back down. He’s used to signing with Hoseok. It’s easier that way. No one ever asks you to repeat that louder or to explain it again because they didn’t catch it. But Korean Sign Language isn’t exactly a common practice to most. Yoongi forgets that sometimes.

So he tries speaking.

“I made this.” He says slowly, softly, well probably softly to this person. It’s plenty loud for Yoongi. “They don’t sell it here.”

“Oh.” The warm toned person says, his voice still so clear, like it’s singing, like he’s singing. “That’s too bad, I started really craving it when I saw you eating it.” He explained with a pout, a pout that implied that this is now Yoongi’s problem too, that he could somehow fix it.

Yoongi sighed, the other boy’s eyes making his insides flip around. “I made extra today.” He said, holding out the small rolls he had put to the side. “You can have some… if you want.”

This seemed to be the correct answer as the boy took him up on his offer immediately, taking the food in his hands like a warm gift. “Thank you so much!” He said loudly, even clearer than before. His eyes were doing that thing again, that thing were they look happy, where they look warm. “My name is Kim Taehyung by the way.”

Then, instead of leaving, he sat next to Yoongi on the bench and under a tree, their knees slightly bumping into each other.

Yoongi watched as the other took a big bite out of the food he made, listened to him make sounds that could only be taken as rated G with the context of eating food. He watched him smile as rice made its home on the side of his mouth, staying there like an accent.

“I’m Min Yoongi.” He eventually decided to say.

Taehyung smiled teeth out, his mouth the shape of a present. “Min Yoongi you make kimbap like my mother.”

Yoongi frowned, confused but not upset. Confused.

“That’s a good thing.” Taehyung says in order to smooth out the frown on the other’s face. “It’s like coming home or something, y’know?”

He sounds kind of awkward, kind of all over the place. Yoongi wonders why that is, wonders if the hearing aid poking out of his hear is making this person uncomfortable, but he tries not to think about it too much.

“What does coming home feel like?” Yoongi finds himself asking, finds himself wondering out loud.

Taehyung doesn’t seem to find the question weird or realize that talking with your mouth full is considered rude in most countries. “It feels warm, like you’re being hugged and confronted, like you’re being loved.”

Yoongi nodded, not wanting to stretch that conversation out any longer, not wanting to ask what does being loved feel like because he doesn’t want to know if Taehyung will give him an answer.

So Yoongi sits there next to Taehyung for a little while longer, let’s this person talk and talk and talk about the littlest of things. He talks about how he’s from Daegu and then Yoongi says he’s from Daegu too and then Taehyung says that he already knew because of the way he talks and makes kimbap. He talks about his dog and how he won’t stop trying to make friends with his neighbor’s cat and how it’s cute but also he’s not trying to get thrown ugly glances in the hallway by the cat’s owner because his dog doesn't know personal space. He talks about how he’s an art major and how he’s seen Yoongi in the art building before but they’ve never had classes before but Taehyung makes it very clear that he does in fact recognize Yoongi.

“I really have seen you around. Really.”

“Right. I’m pretty sure you were just interested in my food.”

“That’s not true!” He says loudly, throwing his hands everywhere, almost knocking the rest of his (Yoongi’s) food to the ground. “I’ve seen you with Hoseok hyung.”

Yoongi let the space between his eyebrows furrow together once again. “You know Hoseok?”

“Yeah.” He says softer, so soft Yoongi almost can’t hear him.

Then he says something a little too soft, just low enough that Yoongi can’t understand it completely. Taehyung’s lips weren’t pronouncing as fluidly and his motions weren’t big anymore. Yoongi thinks he caught the words signing and trouble hearing but he can’t be sure.

Yoongi turns his hearing aid up a bit.

“I’m sorry.” Yoongi says, starting to grow frustrated. “Can you repeat that. I didn’t hear you.”

Taehyung’s eyes grew wide, his mouth still for just a moment, not even taking the opportunity to chew more food. Just stillness.

“Sorry!” He says, his voice booming once more. “I was just saying I’ve seen you signing with him before. At first I thought you were a sign language major like him, but then I saw your hearing aid.” Taehyung explained, pointing to his own ear as a reference. “I’m sorry if it’s rude to point out.”

Yoongi shook his head, not liking the way Taehyung looked so apologetic, so worried, like he was walking on thin ice. “It’s fine.” He said, looking away. Yoongi isn’t very good at holding eye contact for too long, especially not with people like Taehyung. “It’s called sudden sensorineural hearing loss or sudden deafness, when your lose your hearing quickly over time out of nowhere. I started losing mine in middle school but it’s different for everyone.”

That made Taehyung frown a little. “Oh.” He said. Yoongi couldn’t actually hear that, but the shape of the other’s mouth was a little circle. “You can hear me though.”

“It’s because you’re loud. Your voice carries.”

Taehyung looks like he doesn’t know if he likes that answer or not. “People tell me my voice is loud and annoying.”

Yoongi nodded, trying to make eye contact again, but it’s hard. It’s hard when you have big, brown, sparkly eyes looking at you so earnestly. “It’s not a bad thing. It’s a good thing, because I can hear you clearly. You’re really easy to understand.”

That comment made Taehyung’s ears burn a bright pink, or maybe it wasn’t the comment. Maybe it’s just hot outside. Yoongi doesn’t care.

(He does)

“I guess we were just made to be friends then.” Taehyung said, his mouth smiling so large it made Yoongi feel funny.

Yoongi doesn’t really like smiling. He thinks it makes his gums look to big. But in that moment, he forgot about those things, forgot he looks stupid when he lets all his teeth show. Not like Taehyung. Taehyung has a nice smile

“Maybe we were.” Yoongi finds himself saying, starting to feel embarrassed, wanting to make himself smaller. He’s glad he wore a big sweater today. Big sweaters are easy to drown in. “I’m not making you lunch again though.”

Taehyung giggled, his laugh just as nice as his smile, sounding like two bells ringing together in harmony.

Yoongi thinks he wouldn’t mind hearing it again.

-

They exchanged kakaotalk IDs short afterwards. It just felt like the thing you do after meeting someone like Taehyung, someone who has a lot of attention to give and a lot of happiness to share.

They don’t really message each other much at first, Taehyung sending a few test emotes just to get the ball rolling, but Yoongi isn’t great at responding.

He’s never really minded texting. He actually likes it. No sound involved, no one mumbling, no one having to ask to repeat something, none of that. It’s all a very straightforward art form, one thing about this generation that Yoongi really appreciates.

However, it’s hard to message Taehyung.

Taehyung is a different kind of person for Yoongi. It’s not that Yoongi’s a loner or antisocial, he just doesn’t make new friends very often. When you can’t fully communicate with others, you don’t really get the chance to talk up many people.

Besides, Taehyung is new and bright and beautiful. He’s kind and giggly and makes Yoongi’s heart do weird things. He can’t just text him. He can’t just say ‘hey I really liked it when we ate lunch together that one time under the big tree in the courtyard because you made me feel warm and your laugh is like summer clouds and water ripples and I just wanted to make you smile again because I don’t mind smiling around you.’ That’d be weird and Taehyung would think he’s weird because they just met and Yoongi doesn’t want Taehyung to think he’s weird.

Yoongi thinks that maybe it’s better to just not say anything at all instead of risking saying something wrong, to decide that perhaps it’s better to just stick with people that can speak on your level, that people like Taehyung are part of a different world that Yoongi doesn’t belong in. Maybe he did at one point, belong, but he doesn’t anymore.

So Yoongi tries not to think about the tall, golden boy he met in the courtyard under a tree, tries not to think about his nice, clear voice and his boxy, toothy smile. He definitely tries not to think about how he blushed a pretty pink that made Yoongi’s insides feel like watercolors.

But Taehyung wasn’t lying when he said he saw Yoongi around the art building before because a few days later, he hears that familiar voice shouting his name down the hall. Suddenly there’s a flash of honey brown.

“Yoongi-ssi!” Taehyung called, running up to the other, leaning over to catch his breath. It was all very dramatic, this whole thing. “Let’s…” One breath. “Let’s eat lunch together. Like last time.”

Yoongi takes a step back at first, a little caught off guard, a little surprised, a little too aware of how much attention Taehyung grabbed from the students around them. He wondered why Taehyung wanted to eat lunch with him again, wondered if maybe Taehyung’s heart felt like watercolors too, but decided that those thoughts were best to be stashed away.

“Sure.” Yoongi ended up saying, all of his smart words and clever responses unavailable at the moment. “I don’t have lunch for you this time.”

Taehyung giggled and Yoongi felt like orange. “That’s okay. I bought my own lunch.” He said proudly, holding up a white bag that looked like takeout. “But you should make me that kimbap again next time, y’know, just to be a good hyung.”

Yoongi wanted to taste the words next time again, wanted to make sure he wasn’t just hearing things.

He pressed his lips together. “I’ll have to think about it.”

Taehyung rolled his eyes fondly before taking Yoongi’s wrist and pulling him towards the courtyard. “Well don’t think too hard.” He stated with another tug at Yoongi’s arm. “Come on, let’s go.”

They went and then they sat. The same bench under the same tree, same places and same people. Yoongi had his hearing aid up fully this time.

Yoongi confirmed Taehyung really does like talking, that he’ll go on and on and Yoongi doesn’t really have to put in much effort to keep the conversation going. That’s nice because Yoongi was never good that, never good at keeping the flow alive. Taehyung never gets frustrated when Yoongi asks him to repeat something, doesn’t seem to mind that sometimes Yoongi doesn’t get everything he’s saying, doesn’t even mind that Yoongi doesn't talk much. He wonders why Taehyung wants to be there with him at all.

Taehyung seems like he probably has lots of friends, probably has lots of admires too, probably doesn’t need Yoongi, probably could find better, more interesting company than Yoongi. So it’s a little weird that they’re here together like this, that Taehyung ran down the hall just to eat lunch together like that one time. Yoongi doesn’t mind the weird, he’s just not sure what to do with it.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you Yoongi-ssi-”

“You can call me hyung.” Yoongi throws in quickly, quickly before he regrets it, before his mind decides to abandon the idea.

Taehyung smiles and suddenly the sun pokes out of the clouds. Must be a coincidence. “Yoongi hyung.” He says, testing the words out like wine, seeing how they taste, how the texture feels against his tongue. “I’ve been meaning to ask you about sign language.”

Yoongi stares at the other, watches the way the light wraps around his skin, how it hugs him like an old friend. Yoongi thinks he doesn’t know Taehyung like the light does so it’d probably be weird if he hugged him too. He doesn’t want to hug him though, he just wonders if Taehyung is as warm as he looks. That’s all.

“You know sign language but can speak to people normally.” Taehyung explains, still chewing on something that’s probably yummy. “Is it because you only have partial hearing loss?”

Yoongi pressed his lips together before nodding, adjusting his leg so it wasn’t tingling with numbness anymore. “Yeah well, I don’t really like signing in public that much. It’s definitely easier than talking when both people know it, but I don’t want people to assume I can’t speak to them as well.” He moved his leg again. “It’s actually easier to just read lips. Anyone can do it with enough practice.”

Taehyung nodded, popping another piece of meat in his mouth. He was still listening.

“I don’t need to do that with you though.” Yoongi added, looking away. He’s just not good with eye contact, really. “Your voice conveys really well.”

Taehyung huffed out something like a laugh. “You keep saying that.”

“It keeps being true.” Yoongi retorted, leaning on his hands. The shade under the tree feels nice.

Taehyung laughed again, his whole face crinkling up with happiness. “Do you think it’d be easier for you if I learned some sign language?”

Yoongi turned his head to look at the younger, the weird thing deciding to come up again, making Yoongi start to wonder why Taehyung would ask something like that.

“I mean, it could make things easier. If you learned, it might also make it easier for others as well. There are lots of people that need someone to understand them.” Yoongi said, not wanting to say no, but not sure what would happen if he said yes.

He thinks he wants to say yes.

“I want to understand people.” Taehyung said, his eyes saying the same thing. His eyes were honest and loud, just as loud as he was. He’s probably not a very good liar. Yoongi thinks he would be okay if he drowned in those eyes. “You’ll help me, right hyung?”

Yoongi looked down, his tummy doing something like a cartwheel. Maybe he ate something bad. “I guess.”

“And you’ll make lunch for me again, right?”

“I mean-”

“And you’ll walk my dog in the morning, right?”

“Wait what?”

Then Taehyung laughed again, laughed so hard that the world sung a song. It made Yoongi’s heart want to sing back.

Taehyung nudged the other on the shoulder playfully, the sound of happiness still ringing. “Just kidding.” He said, Yoongi still able to hear his smile in his words. “You should have seen your face, hyung. So serious.”

Yoongi’s heart was singing. “Hanging out with you is starting to sound like a chore.” Yoongi added, his tone still incredibly fond. So fond.

That made Taehyung laugh again, made Yoongi want to keep that sound on a record, not to sell, just for him to play on sad days, on rainy days, on boring absolutely nothing days, days where the world just needs some color.

“Don’t worry, hyung. You’ll start loving me soon enough.”

Yoongi smiled at that.

He knows those words were supposed to be a joke, supposed to be playful, but he can’t help but wonder if they’re true, if they’ll come true.

Yoongi thinks about it and decides he doesn’t hate that idea, so he allows it to stay.

-

They began to eat lunch together quite a bit after that, it becoming something like a daily ritual. Sometimes Yoongi will ‘accidently’ make extra and will offer it to Taehyung who is always hungry, always grateful. Yoongi never really thought his cooking was all that great, never thought it was anything to write home about, but Taehyung always eats it like it’s the best thing since sliced bread.

Taehyung generally is an expressive person. He smiles and grins and moves his hands and squints his eyes and playfully nudges Yoongi’s shoulders when he says something sarcastic. His body just moves all the time, always sharing the inside of his heart, always giving a part of him away.

Yoongi likes that because Yoongi isn’t like that. He doesn't know how to show what’s he’s feeling, doesn’t know how to let himself feel vulnerable. Yoongi thinks it’s really not that deep, but it’s still something he wishes he could let himself do more, wishes he could let people understand him more.

Taehyung doesn’t seem to mind.

“Hyung, you’re a photography major?” Taehyung asks him one day, his voice higher than usual. “That makes sense.”

Yoongi tilted his head. “How does that make sense?”

“You just seem like the type of person to want to show what you see, to explain how you see the world in your own way.” He said effortlessly, like he didn’t have to think hard about to answer, like maybe he’s thought about it before. “You should show me your photos sometime.”

Yoongi huffed. “Maybe.” He mumbled, shifting his body slightly. “What about you? You’re in the art department too. What’s your focus?”

He let out a breath. “I don’t know yet.” Taehyung answered, looking somewhere far away. “I like a lot of things so it’s hard for me to pick.”

Yoongi nodded, trying to look to that place far away too. “That makes sense.”

Taehyung looked at him funny, like his expression alone was a question.

“You just seem like the type of person to love a lot of things.”

The younger was silent for a moment before breaking out into a grin. He looked happy, bashful maybe. Yoongi doesn’t really know. He’s not good at reading emotions. He’s not good at reading people either.

Yoongi wonders if Taehyung can read him, if he can see the colors exploding in his heart.

Hopefully he can’t. Yoongi would be so fucked.

“Teach me how to sign ‘how are you’ again.” The younger said after a heartbeat. “I wanna make sure I’m doing it right.”

Yoongi nodded and signed slowly, just to make sure Taehyung could repeat it well.

How are you?

Taehyung studied the other for a few moments before signing back.

How are you?

Yoongi smiled, liking the way the younger signed, moving his hands with care, with purpose, so Yoongi signed back.

I feel warm here with you.

“Hyung, that’s not fair, you went too fast. I don’t know what that means.” Taehyung whined, his bottom lip poking out, pouting. Yoongi thinks he looks like a puppy, a puppy that’s actually a dog but doesn’t realize it’s not a puppy anymore. “What did you say?”

Yoongi shrugged. “Maybe you’ll figure it out one day.”

“Wow, you’re really mean.” Taehyung stated, his pout not fading. “You’re lucky you make good food. It’s the only reason I’m here.”

Then Yoongi smiled, full gums and eye crinkles. He still doesn’t like his smile, but it’s easy to forget that when Taehyung is there, making him feel like cherry blossoms in April.

“I knew you had an agenda.” The older said, trying to hide his smile but failing. It was hard. “Knew you only liked me because I fed you.”

“Who said I liked you?”

“Ouch.”

Taehyung giggled some more, leaning his body more on Yoongi’s, his chin resting on the other’s shoulder. “I’m kidding hyung. I like you lots.” He said, smiling big, kind of dopey. “Do you like me?”

The older tried not to stiff up at the sudden touch, tried to lean into it instead. It wasn’t a very hard thing to do. “I’ll have to think about it. Give me three to five business days.”

Taehyung giggled again. It sounded like piano keys this time.

He didn’t move his head away.

-

Hoseok thinks Yoongi is in love.

Yoongi thinks that’s kind of bullshit.

“I think you guys are cute together.”

“Hoseok, that’s gay.”

“Yoongi, you’re gay.”

The older rolled his eyes. He’s starting to think the other isn’t really getting the point he’s trying to make. Yoongi didn’t really feel like talking anymore, Hoseok’s words starting to slur together in Yoongi’s ears, so he started signing instead.

What if he’s not?

That seemed to be the answer Hoseok was looking for because he smiled big and knowingly, his signing becoming quick and active, like he was excited.

I knew it! He signed. You do like him!

Yoongi shook his head, thinking he can only roll his eyes so many times within a day.

He doesn’t really know what he’s feeling, if these weird pulses in his heart are actual feelings or just phases of infatuation. He likes the feeling though. It feels like sitting by a fireplace after being out in the cold, or like the tingle of a hot shower against a tired body. It feels like touch, like body warmth, like the color of autumn, like the feeling of spring, like new beginnings.

Yoongi likes Taehyung. He knows that much. He doesn't know how he likes him, if he likes him more than what he should or if he doesn’t. It’s all very confusing.

Yoongi doesn’t really like people, doesn’t really do dates. Dates just involve too much explaining and too much effort and it all makes Yoongi tired and he just ends up wanting to go home halfway through. Reading lips is easy but Yoongi still isn’t perfect at it. He still makes mistakes, still says the wrong things sometimes.

Hearing is such a simple thing for most people, something no one thinks about. But when it’s taken away from you, going about your life becomes more stressful, more tiring. An extra step, an extra chore, another thing to worry about.

Will I say the right thing?

Did I hear them right?

Maybe they know sign language.

They probably don’t.

Taehyung though, Taehyung feels comfortable, feels like Yoongi could fit himself into the other easily. Maybe it’s weird, maybe they don’t know each other well enough, maybe they don’t know each other at all, but Yoongi feels that way. Feels like Taehyung is someone, like he could be a someone to Yoongi, he just doesn’t know what type of someone.

Yoongi signs. I’m not in love.

Hoseok shrugs.

If you say so.

-

“I was able to help a deaf student on campus.” Taehyung says one day, says with a warm heart and proud eyes, says with a hint of sweet happiness dripping from his words like amber honey. “She needed help buying something from the student store. I still don’t know a lot of sign language but I was able to get the general idea.”

Yoongi thinks that good, thinks he’s glad Taehyung was there. That girl was probably glad Taehyung was there. Many people seem to be thankful for Taehyung’s precenace.

“That’s good.” Yoongi said after a while. He meant it. “You’re learning fast.”

“Maybe one day I’ll be better than you.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes, doubting that but not minding if it were to come true. “I just gave you a compliment, don’t make me take it back that quickly.”

Taehyung laughed, laughed with his whole body, biting his lip afterwards like he was trying to keep himself from letting out more.

Yoongi tried not to stare, tried not to be weird, but it was hard. Yoongi is kind of weird, kind of not sure how to not to be weird.

“Hyung, you still haven’t shown me your pictures.” He said like a question, like a prompt. “You need to show me soon.”

Yoongi huffed, his stomach feeling a warm pulse spread throughout his body. Goosebumps. Nerves. “You haven’t shown me your stuff either. Don’t get mad at me.”

Taehyung hummed for a minute like he was thinking, at least Yoongi thinks he’s humming. He can’t really hear it. “Let’s go to your place sometime then. We can show each other our stuff and talk about art and be elitist together, it’ll be fun.”

Yoongi smiled, thinking that would be fun. “I’ll see if I can incorporate you into my schedule.”

Taehyung pushed him playfully, laughing clearly to Yoongi’s ears.

-

The day Taehyung was supposed to come, Yoongi woke up with his ears ringing.

It’s been happening recently. Yoongi will be going through his day, existing like person, then his ears demand all of his attention, pull him out of his daily life. Yoongi doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like it because he thinks his ears might be getting worse, might be getting worse than they already are.

So Yoongi becomes afraid. He’s afraid one day he’ll wake up and can’t hear anything, that he’ll wake up and be completely deaf, that he won’t be able to hear the birds chirping and the wind blowing and his friend’s laughs. That he won’t be able to hear piano keys or coffee brewing or the pit pat of rain falling when he’s inside. That he won’t be able to hear his mom on the phone or Hoseok walking beside him or Taehyung calling his name.

He might wake up one day and he won’t hear anything.

Yoongi decides Taehyung can’t come, not then, not now. He’s just scared, scared that Taehyung will greet him with sunny smiles and comforting laughs and Yoongi won’t be able to hear any of it.

He sends him a message, a short message that says he’s not feeling well and that Taehyung can’t come because he doesn’t want to get him sick. Then Yoongi rolls back into the comfort of his blankets and goes to sleep, wrapping himself up tightly like a hug, like a self hug, hoping the ringing goes away when he wakes up.

-

Knocking at his front door makes Yoongi wake up. He’s tired though and doesn’t know what time it is. The sky outside his window is dark, black. He still feels sleepy, even more sleepy than when he went back to bed. There’s a weird taste in his mouth and the knocking at the door is sounding more frantic.

Yoongi gets up, slowly though. He wants to go back to bed and sleep off this weird feeling, sleep through the whole day, the next day, maybe the whole week. That sounds doable. However the knocking is a problem. He needs to fix that.

Eventually, he does make it to the door. When he opens it, Yoongi realizes that it’s raining. He couldn’t hear the rain. Taehyung is standing there with a bag and a worried expression. It’s still raining. Taehyung’s hair is wet.

“Sorry for coming late like this.” Taehyung said, his voice low. Yoongi can’t really hear it, but he can read lips. Thank god Yoongi can read lips. “You weren’t answering your messages and Hoseok was worried so he told me I should come check on you.”

Of course Hoseok said that.

“He said you liked this soup from the Thai place two blocks down so I brought some.” He explained, holding the bag up for show. “I messaged you a few times but you never read them but I thought I’d come by and make sure you’re okay.” It was like he was whispering. “You’re okay, right?”

Yoongi took a step back, leaving room for Taehyung to enter. “Come inside.” He said. His voice was hoarse. It didn’t even sound like him.

Taehyung entered, taking his shoes off then his coat. He still seemed worried.

Yoongi never said he was okay.

They ended up eating on the couch. It just felt normal, more familiar to eat like that with Taehyung. They always ate on benches and rocks and streets. Tables just seemed so formal, so stiff. You end up resting your forearms on a surface, you can’t lean into the other person or twist around or decide to eat facing the other way. It’s just better to eat on the couch. It feels right.

“Sorry I cancelled.” Yoongi said softly. He felt sad thinking about why. “I didn’t want to.”

“I know you didn’t.” Taehyung whispered. Yoongi wishes he wouldn’t whisper. “I know you Yoongi hyung.”

“Do you really know me?”

“I think so.” The other said, a little louder, a little clearer. “You’re like… a cat.”

“A cat?”

“Yeah, a cat.” The younger explains, a little giggle breathing into the air. “You always seem sleepy and tired and like you don’t want to do anything but you actually want attention, lots of good attention just like puppies, but cats are too prideful to be puppies.”

Yoongi scoffed. “This is absolutely not true.”

“It is true!” Taehyung said, loudly, happily, with a grin that seems too big to be in Yoongi’s apartment. “It’s true and because it’s true I know you wouldn’t have canceled if there wasn’t a good reason.” One beat. Two. “Did something happen?”

Yoongi thinks about it, wonders if something happened or if it was just Yoongi, thinks maybe he was just being weird again. It happens. But he thinks it wasn’t just a feeling, or if it was that it was a strong enough feeling to be a something.

Maybe something did happen.

“My ears.” Yoongi said softly, not sure if he wants to even hear himself say it. “I think they’re getting worse. It might be psychological, but I think my hearing is getting worse.” He explained, not liking what he said, not happy that he had to say it out loud, that he had to make it real.

Saying things out loud is like a spell.

It makes things real.

He made it real.

“I was scared that if you came over, I wouldn’t be able to hear you.”

Taehyung frowned, leaning closer. Their arms were touching, it made Yoongi feel different. “Can you hear me?”

Yoongi nodded. “A little.”

“That’s good.” Taehyung said, a little breath escaping his mouth. “I’m glad you can hear me... so I can tell you to never scare me like that again.” He explained with a pout and frustrated eyes. “You had me really freaked out. You shouldn’t do that, my heart is fragile y’know.”

Yoongi thinks that’s funny, thinks it’s funny that he has a place in Taehyung’s heart.

“I was really, really worried Min Yoongi.” Taehyung said. He was still pouting. “You should apologize. Think of the emotional damage.” He stated jokingly, placing his hand on his heart for effect.

It was a nice touch.

Yoongi snickered. He felt warm. It was raining outside but he felt warm. “I’m sorry Taehyung. I didn’t know.” I didn’t know I had a place in your heart.

Taehyung smiled, smiled like he wasn’t just giving Yoongi big sad eyes before. “It’s okay. I’m sorry too. I hope your ears are fine.” He said softly, bringing his fingers up to touch the hair just above his lobe, tucking it behind Yoongi’s ear like he was kissing it goodnight. It gave Yoongi goosebumps. “I want you to hear me.”

More goosebumps. “I want to hear you too.”

He meant that, really. Just thinking about it not being able to hear his friends, his family, hurts. It hurts Yoongi’s heart and the hurt, the fear, it runs so deep sometimes Yoongi doesn’t want to get out of bed, because maybe if he stays where there’s no one, where there’s nothing, he can pretend that he’s okay.

Yoongi tried to forget that. It’s easy to forget that with Taehyung by his side.

They talked about more things, lots of things, lots of unimportant things, things that will probably be forgotten tomorrow... or remembered for the rest of their lives. Those kinds of things. It made Yoongi want to show Taehyung the pictures he takes, because Yoongi takes pictures of those kinds of things.

“They’re so colorful. It’s like I can hear them, like they all have sounds.”

“That’s the point.”

Taehyung nudged his shoulder.

Then, the younger found a marker and drew pictures on Yoongi’s hand, said he was sorry he didn’t have his drawings with him but he would make something for the other now. Yoongi liked the way the marker glided across his skin, liked the way Taheyung’s fingers brushed against his, liked that it made everything seem like magic and fire.

Taehyung drew flowers and vines with harsh lines and expressions and faces and words and it was all very Taehyung. Yoongi liked that. He told Taehyung that it would probably come off in the shower though and Taehyung said Yoongi wasn’t allowed to shower anymore.

The older liked the way his hand looked, wanted to remember it, so he took a picture of it. Polaroid.

They decided to watch a movie afterwards when Taehyung realized the older had a Netflix subscription. It was starting to sound like mooching but Taehyung said he’s not a mooch, he’s a good person.

Yoongi believed him.

They put on subtitles so Yoongi could understand. He can’t really hear the T.V.

He doesn’t remember what they were watching, he doesn’t remember because Taehyung fell asleep on his shoulder, his breath touching Yoongi’s skin like fairy dust. He smelled like fruit and sugar and air fresheners, felt like a blanket, like a hug. His eyelashes were long, a pretty long. They were full too, like a doll’s. His hair was still a little wet from standing outside. He was just there, vulnerable, laying all over Yoongi and breathing and letting out little noises and it all made Yoongi’s heart hurt. He doesn’t know why.

Yoongi still doesn’t know why Taehyung stayed. The rain had stopped.

However, despite Yoongi having slept through the whole day, he still fell asleep there, leaning into the younger’s body heat, welcoming it like an old friend.

He really just couldn’t be bothered to move away. That’s all.

-

When they woke up the next morning, there’s drool all over Yoongi’s shirt.

Taehyung says something but Yoongi couldn’t hear it.

He thinks he said sorry.

“It’s okay.” Yoongi grumbles. He needs coffee. His head hurts. His ears aren’t ringing though.

Yoongi took the time to see what Taehyung looks like when he wakes up for the first time. His eyes are squinty and pink and puffy and his hair is poking out everywhere but it still looks soft. He’s pouting, really pouting. He’s looking around like a baby animal that’s opened its eyes for the first time.

Then, Taehyung is touching his head with confusion, his hand running through his locks. “I think you drooled in my hair.” He said, his voice finally understandable to Yoongi.

Yoongi managed a laugh even though he hadn’t even had coffee yet. “We’re even then, I guess.”

“I think I would have been okay if we weren’t.”

Yoongi smiled. He would have laughed more but he was tired.

“But being even is okay too… I guess.”

-

“You left your coat at my place.”

“Oh. I’ll go by and pick it up then. We can watch movies again.”

“Okay. Bring takeout like last time.”

“You’re not sick though.”

“I wasn’t sick last time either.”

“Your logic is flawed.”

“It’s not. You don’t have to come.”

“Hyung, I want too though.”

…

“Fine. I’ll bring takeout.”

-

Taehyung went, but he still forgot to get his coat.

-

They were in the park. Yoongi brought his camera so he could take pictures of the trees and the sun and the leaves giving kisses. He liked the way he could hear the world sometimes, liked how he could see a flower blow or water flow or people go and hear it even if he couldn’t. He likes that people can hear his pictures. People tell him that all the time. That they can hear them.

Yoongi didn’t mean for that to happen at first. It just did.

“Hyung, take a picture of me by that fountain over there.”

“I’m not here to take pictures of you.” Yoongi said, even if it was kind of a lie. He did want to take a few pictures of Taehyung. Only a few. Taehyung is pretty and golden and you can hear him even without hearing anything. Yoongi takes pictures of things like that.

“Aww, come on hyung. Please?”

Yoongi snaps a photo.

“Wait, I wasn’t ready-”

Another one.

“Hyung, what are you-”

One more. Two. Three.

“Wait! My hair is parted weird-”

Click. Flash.

“You’re not listening, are you?”

“These are candid photos.” Yoongi said with another click, another flash. “It’s better this way.”

“That sounds like bullshit.”

“It is kind of bullshit.” He said, taking a break from snapping photos for just a second to take a look at his roll.

Ahh yes. You can hear these.

Then Taehyung laughed and Yoongi saw colors.

Another click.

-

“Hey hyung, can I confess something?”

Yoongi sipped his iced americano.

They were at a coffee shop, but it wasn’t a date. Yoongi had to spend like, 45 minutes explaining to Hoseok that it wasn’t a date.

“You didn’t kill anyone, did you?”

“No.”

“Then yeah, you can confess something.”

Taehyung giggled fondly, shaking his head a little like he couldn’t believe it. “I just wanted to say that I lied a little about something.”

Yoongi tilted his head, confused. “How do you lie a little?”

Taehyung was still smiling. “I just… didn’t tell the full truth.”

“Okay. What’s the full truth?”

The younger leaned in closer, like he was about to tell him a secret. Yoongi could see his moles. “Just that I’ve actually seen your work before. Some of it.”

Yoongi’s eyes squinted.

“I Hear the Sunspot.” He clarified. “The photo set you submitted to the student gallery last semester. I’ve seen it. I knew you took it when we met.”

Yoongi parted his mouth. “Oh.” He said smartly.

“Yeah.” Taehyung said just as cleverly. “I didn’t know Min Yoongi though, back then.”

Yoongi nodded, agreeing. He thinks he didn’t know Min Yoongi back then either.

“I know now though. I know Min Yoongi likes bitter coffee and piano music and big sweaters that go past his wrists. That you like dogs and you want a poodle but from a shelter not a store because you want to give a life a second chance.”

“Are these important things?”

“They are important things.” Taehyung said with a pout. “They’re important because if you came up to me one day in a tank top drinking a frappuccino with a hamster that you got from Petco I’d know you were in trouble and that I’d need to save you.”

Yoongi laughed, wondering when the last time he wore a tank top was. He didn’t really like his arms. They were kind of skinny, kind of pale. Maybe he should work out.

“You’d save me?” Yoongi asked.

“Of course.” Taehyung said, said so surely. “I’d save you anytime.”

Yoongi felt his face go pink. He wanted to say it back, say it with emotion and heart and feeling but he doesn’t really know how. He tried though.

“Same.” He ends up saying.

Taehyung giggled more and Yoongi wants to wrap himself in the sound.

-

Sometimes Yoongi will be walking with Taehyung and he wants to hold hands. He’d never say it out loud. Yoongi doesn’t ask for things like hugs or forehead kisses or just, affection in general. He doesn’t ask for human touch, doesn't get lovey dovey or cling to people because something about that is too vulnerable, so he doesn’t do it, doesn’t ask for it. That’s just not him.

But he wants to. He wants to hold Taehyung’s hand because they’re nice hands and they probably feel warm and soft and Yoongi thinks they’d fit nicely together.

Yoongi thinks that it’s a little scary, crossing that bridge, that sometimes even little things take a certain amount of bravery. Yoongi doesn’t know if he’s brave enough, if he’s willing to let himself be seen.

Maybe Taehyung was right about the puppy thing. Maybe he really does want that good attention after all.

-

They’re sitting on the ground because there’s people at the bench they normally pick. The grass is green and smooth and suprisingly unitchy. It’s actually kind of nice because it’s getting cooler and less sunny so bugs aren’t eating away at Yoongi’s legs like a full course meal.

Taehyung is watching a video on his laptop, seemingly extremely engrossed.

“What are you watching?” Yoongi asks after a while. He finished his food a few minutes ago.

Taehyung looks at Yoongi then back at the screen. It must be important. “Learning more sign language.”

Oh. Makes sense. “What have you learned so far?”

The younger smiled a little before signing slowly.

Dumbass.

Yoongi deadpanned. “You’re learning curse words, aren’t you?” He asked blandly.

Taehyung laughed a little before scooting closer. “I actually didn’t learn that from the video. I saw you signing it to Hoseok hyung the other day.”

Oh yeah. Yoongi did do that.

“He deserved it.” Yoongi grumbled, his face turning pink as he remembered how Hoseok had found Yoongi’s picture files, discovering the numerous frames of Taehyung now on the older’s hard drive. He wouldn’t shut up about it. “He is a dumbass. The biggest dumbass.”

The younger laughed at that, laughed cutely and familiarly. Yoongi’s heart swooped. “By the way,” he said, popping his ear buds out. “I wanted to let you know that I figured it out.”

Yoongi raised his eyebrows. “Figured what out?”

“The first day you taught me sign language.” He said, something like a knowing smile growing on his face. Happy. He was happy. “You signed something to me and I didn’t understand it at the time, but I do now.”

Yoongi was silent for a moment, his mind retracing through his cloudy thoughts like a maze, all his memories fuzzy, like he was looking through a frosted window.

Then he remembered.

Shit.

Fuck.

However, Taehyung was scooching closer, closer towards Yoongi with this look on his face that sparkled and glowed and Yoongi was fucked and really really gay. Taehyung reached his arms out then and Yoongi couldn’t help but stiff up for a second.

“What are you doing?” Yoongi asked quickly.

Taehyung smiled cheekily, the bastard. “Trying to hug you.”

“What?” Yoongi asked, not even having to sell the confusion because it was that real. “Fuck no.”

“Come on. Just a little hug.”

“No way. That’s gross.”

Taehyung laughed more and moved closer, doing everything he could to get his arms around the older despite his resistance. “It’s not. Hug me you dumb gremiln.”

Yoongi shook his head, maneuvering the other’s arms away over and over again.

Taehyung was giggling as he wrestled around Yoongi’s attempts at restraining the other, smiling as Yoongi pushed the younger’s arms away like they were playing a game. They kind of were. Yoongi’s actions don’t always add up to his wants.

But it was kind of funny. Yoongi was trying not to smile but he’s sure he was. Happiness is contagious and Taehyung was laughing loudly in his ear. Happy. Really happy.

Then Taehyung got Yoongi on his back, finally having defeated the other as he practically laid on top of him, his arms wrapped around Yoongi’s sides tightly, snugly, nuzzling into him just for effect, or maybe not. Either way, it sent a tingly feeling down Yoongi’s back that felt like eating oven baked cookies and drinking coffee from a thermos. Warmness.

Yoongi hopes Taehyung can’t hear his heart.

“Got you.” He whispered softly, so softly Yoongi couldn’t even hear it but by god he knows exactly what Kim Taehyung just said. “I finally got you.”

Yoongi’s breath is caught in his throat. Taehyung is close, he’s so, so close and Yoongi can smell his breath and that should be kind of gross but it’s minty and warm and not gross at all because Taehyung could never be gross.

Taehyung is looking at him with eyes Yoongi has never seen before, or maybe he has. Maybe he’s seen them before lots of times but never got an up close look. It’s possible.

They could kiss now. Yoongi wants to. He even thinks Taehyung looks like he wants to. They could do it. Yoongi just has to move a few centimeters, that’s all it would take.

They probably shouldn’t though.

They’re in public. That’d be weird. And gay. It’d be weird and gay and they really shouldn’t do it even if Yoongi really really wants to.

After what feels like a song, Taehyung props himself up a little away from Yoongi and instantly, he misses the warmth. “See? That wasn’t so bad. You’re still alive and everything.”

Yoongi would beg to differ. He’s pretty sure his heart stopped at one point. He definitely died. Definitely.

-

Taehyung invited Yoongi over to his place. Yoongi liked it. It felt like body warmth and security, like it was lived in, like it was someone’s home but it could be your home too if want. There were old couches with bright pillows and art hung on the wall like a museum, it made the walls personal. Yoongi thinks if the walls could talk they’d have personality, that they’d talk just like Taehyung and tell stories with lights in their eyes and big smiles that reach both ears. It’s that kind of place.

His roomate Jimin was there. He’s nice. He talks about dancing and music and makes Taehyung smile like there's no reason to be sad, so Yoongi likes him because of that. Likes that he makes Taehyung smile because Taehyung should always be smiling.

Eventually Jimin went to his room, saying something about wanting to leave them alone with a wink that made Yoongi’s stomach feel tight.

Taehyung threw a pillow at him before he left.

The two of them stayed in the living room. Taehyung played old jazz records as they talked and drank warm drinks because it was cold outside. Taehyung had a hot chocolate and Yoongi had coffee. He was a little surprised Taehyung had a coffee maker when he’s sure the younger has mentioned not liking it before. Strange.

It was cold outside, so cold that the lights flickered a few times and the wind could be heard howling at the night sky. Even Yoongi could hear it. The wind that is.

When it was time for Yoongi to leave, snow was falling down heavily, strong gusts of chilly air practically knocking Yoongi off his feet when he opened the door.

“Maybe you should stay.” Taehyung offered. “Just for tonight. It’s stormy outside.”

Yoongi turned around to see the younger, to make sure he was real, that they were real.

He was. He was real, he was there, smiling kindly at Yoongi like he always did. His eyes were like lights, like stars. His face was pinker than usual. Maybe it was the cold.

“If it’s okay with you and Jimin, then yeah.”

Taehyung smiled and his cheeks filled up with something happy and soft. “Great!” He said, seemingly chipper about it. “I’ll let Jimin know. You can borrow some of my clothes tonight if you don’t wanna sleep in your jeans.” Taehyung added with a wink before disappearing into his roommate's room.

Yoongi wonders if he’ll survive.

When the other returned, he gave the older two thumbs up with a smile still large enough that it made Yoongi’s insides flop around like a fish. Apparently Jimin has said it was cool as long as they didn’t fuck which Taehyung could bearly say with a straight face.

The younger did offer Yoongi some sweatpants and a big shirt which he much appreciated. It smelled like Taehyung and now Yoongi smelt like Taehyung and he didn’t mean to take such a big whiff of the worn in cotton but it just happened.

“You can take my bed hyung. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“No way. I’m not gonna take your bed like a douche. I’ll sleep on the couch. It’s fine.”

“Please. You have the back of an 80 year old man. Just take the bed.”

“Stop being stubborn.”

“You stop being stubborn. I’m trying to be a nice host so just sleep on the bed, idiot.”

“You’re being really nice and letting me stay here so you should take the bed, you imbecile.”

“Fine. Since you’re so stubborn, why don’t we both just take the bed?”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

They stared at each other for a few moments before Taehyung cleared his throat. His cheeks were dusted the color of roses.

Yoongi thinks his probably are too.

Eventually, the two managed to get into the same bed without being weird about it, except it was totally weird and Yoongi couldn’t think of a single thing about this that wasn’t screaming wow this is really, really weird.

Yoongi took his hearing aid out and curled to the other side. He couldn’t look at Taehyung. If he wanted to fall asleep, he couldn't do it. His heart was beating fast, his body was a little stiff and he wondered if he’d get any rest at this rate. It’s hard to fall asleep with Taehyung right next to him, Taehyung with his warm skin and big eyes and kind soul. Taehyung with his pouty lips and quiet sighs and arms that always wanted to touch, to reach out.

Taehyung was reaching out. He was saying something but Yoongi couldn’t hear him well, so he turned around.

“Taehyung, I can’t hear you.”

The younger moved closer. He tried speaking but Yoongi couldn’t even read his lips. It was too dark.

“I still can’t hear you.”

He moved even closer. He was close. Really close, like if one of them move they might accidentally kiss kind of close. Yoongi could see everything. He could see every mole and hear every breath and he could count every time Taehyung’s heart beat. He was that close.

Taehyung let out a breath and Yoongi could hear it. “I was asking if we could cuddle.”

Yoongi’s heart flipped. “What? Why?”

“I just want to. I like hugging.” He said honestly, his body still close, his breath tickling Yoongi’s skin like a feather.

Yoongi swallowed hard.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I shouldn’t have made it weird, forget I said anything-”

“I never said I didn’t want to.” The older found himself saying, despite the warmth spreading across his face. It’s a good thing it’s dark.

Yoongi could feel Taehyung smile, feel the way he inched his body even closer, feel the way his eyes asked a question that sounded like silent permission. Yoongi thought even in the dark, even when he can’t see him, that Taehyung was beautiful, warm, that he was like a star, like the sun, like the warmest part of the sun.

“I’m gonna hold you now, okay?” He said softly, his hands moving closer. Just a little closer.

Yoongi swallowed once more before nodding.

Yes.

Hold me.

Touch me.

Please touch me.

He wanted to say, but he knows Taehyung knows. He knows.

Then before Yoongi could even count to three, Taehyung was sliding his arms around him, tightening his hold slightly around Yoongi’s waist, their legs becoming a mess of limbs. Taehyung didn’t hold back. He’s snuggly and likes to feel skin, likes to press up against body heat, likes to nuzzle closer, tighter.

Yoongi thought he would stiff up, and maybe he did at first, but he found himself leaning into it, found the touch comforting, relaxing.

His heart was going crazy though. Taehyung’s was too. Yoongi could feel it against his chest. It got to a point where he could barely tell apart their own heartbeats. They were so close.

He was so close.

“Hyung.” Taehyung said, said so softly Yoongi could barely hear it, barely register that words were being spoken to him. The younger brought his hands up to the back of his neck, let his fingers play with Yoongi’s hair and the feeling had Yoongi feel like he was floating, like he wasn’t there. “Hyung, you’re so pretty.”

Yoongi thinks if they weren’t in this position, he might laugh. Might. Might do it just to brush off the intense amount of vulnerability that makes him feel. “You can’t even see me.”

“I can see you.” He said and Yoongi didn’t need the lights to be on to know that Taehyung was pouting. “Your mind, your soul, they’re all so pretty hyung. You’re so pretty.”

As if they weren’t already, every movement became so much more noticable for Yoongi. He felt it intensely when Taehyung moved his hands to his face, felt it when he started brushing his cheek gently with his thumb, thinks he felt it in his heart when he pressed their foreheads together. They were exchanging air, feeling each other breathe. It was like that. They were close. So much closeness.

All Yoongi could think was Taehyung. He was so there, so, so there.

Taehyung brought his thumb down to the older’s lip and let it run across the top. Yoongi could feel his eyes watching, feel his gaze on his mouth like he wanted and Yoongi wants, has been wanting for a long time, longer than he can even bring himself to admit.

Yoongi let his mouth open a little, let Taehyung’s thumb rest there. “If we kiss now, will we remember it in the morning?” He asked softly, asked with intention, with an emotion that runs deeply.

Taehyung smiled again, letting his hands find Yoongi’s cheeks again. He felt happiness, felt warmth. “I want to remember it in the morning.”

Yoongi bit his lip. “Yeah. Me too.”

Taehyung let out a breath. Yoongi felt it, felt it tickle his skin softly, like a ghost or like a cloud.

Then Taehyung pressed his lips against the others softly, gently, like water against a glass or sunlight kissing skin. His lips were soft and careful. He was holding Yoongi like he was precious, like he was a flower, like he was to be handled with love and love only.

Yoongi closed his eyes tight. He was nervous. His heart was in his stomach and he didn’t know how to move his mouth. Taehyung felt so good and Yoongi didn’t know what he was doing, didn’t know how to make the other feel good. He was stiff.

Then Taehyung was giggling into the older’s mouth, his breath hot and giddy. “I’m not gonna bite y’know.” He said softly, smiling at Yoongi like he was everything, like he was so incredibly endeared and Yoongi thinks he could die.

“Shut up.” He grumbled, and wow Yoongi thinks he might be pouting.

But Taehyung didn’t mind and kissed him again. And again. And he kissed him on the corner of his mouth, then the other, then in the plumpest part of his lips.

Yoongi thinks he’s melting. Like that witch bitch in that one American movie, except it felt good, It felt like bliss, like heaven, like magic. Yoongi found himself kissing back, let his mouth pressed against the other’s in a way that felt so right he wondered if he was still real, if feeling this correct was even possible. His insides felt like goo, like warm, yellowy goo that was probably sweet in that nice way, in that way that makes you fly. Yoongi thinks he’s flying.

Taehyung was smiling... and kissing. He was letting out little sounds that Yoongi’s never heard before and Yoongi found himself humming, like everything did Taehyung did was harmony, like it was medicine for his soul. Maybe it was.

They kissed more. It got slower, lazier, until Taehyung just started giggling again, laughing into Yoongi like he was drunk, like he was drunk off of the other.

It was happiness.

Yoongi knows it, because he feels it too.

“Goodnight Yoongi hyung.” He said against the other’s mouth, said with a peck on the lips that tasted like sugar.

Yoongi smiled. “Night Tae.”

And Yoongi slept, slept with Taehyung fit into him like they were two halves of a whole.

The wind was silent.

-

“Why are you staring at me like that?” Yoongi asked the next morning, having woken up with two eyes looking at him like he’s art, like he’s the world.

The younger didn’t move, didn’t let his gaze falter. So fond. “You’re cute when you’re barely awake.”

Yoongi buried his face in his pillow, grumbling. “Be quiet. It’s too early for this. I don’t even know who I am right now.”

Taehyung laughed at that, the sound like soft bells to Yoongi’s ears. He moved closer, closer, closer until Yoongi could feel his breath. There was a kind hand in his hair, moving Yoongi’s locks around tenderly, dotingly. “Hyung, can I kiss you?”

Yoongi peaked from out of his pillow, his ears on fire. “My breath smells like death. Yours probably does too.”

Again, Taehyung giggled like Yoongi just told him sweet, candy words wrapped in a bow. The younger kept smiling as he let his hand find the other’s cheek, kept smiling when he captured the other’s lips carefully, affectionately.

“Gross.” Yoongi mumbled against the other, the warmness everywhere.

Taehyung laughed and connected their lips again.

Yoongi kissed back.

-

“So all those times we went for coffee, those were dates?”

“Yeah. Hyung, I thought I was being obvious.”

“You weren’t.”

“I was. I let you meet my dog. That’s like, the ultimate form of trust.”

“Your dog peed on my shoe.”

“It’s because he likes you!”

“Right.”

-

The ringing never really went away. It still happens sometimes, it still strikes a different kind of fear in Yoongi’s heart, when suddenly there’s just white noise replacing the quiet song of the outside.

Except now, he doesn’t wake up alone.

Taehyung is there, rubbing comforting circles in his skin and whispering hyung it’s okay you’re going to be okay you can still hear me, I’m right here, Yoongi-ah I’m right here.

It doesn’t settle the fear completely, it doesn’t make everything better, but it makes the pain passable, reminds him that he can still hear Taehyung’s laugh, still hear his voice, that he’s still there.

He’ll kiss between Yoongi’s furrowed brows and glide his fingers through his hair, just them two, just skin, just that warm feeling that Yoongi thinks might be love.

He doesn’t really know what love feels like, not this kind of love, but he thinks it might be a little something like what they have, like what they are.

-

“Is that a picture of me?” Taehyung asks one day, pointing at the small frame placed on Yoongi’s nightstand.

It was a picture from that time they went to the park, when Yoongi snapped lots and lots of pictures of Taehyung. They were nice pictures. Taehyung is incredibly photogenic, all of them coming out well, but that one in particular was his favorite.

Laughter. Happiness. Color. Light.

Taehyung.

“Yeah.” Yoongi said lowly, trying not to be embarrassed about it but truly, he forgot the implications it would bring if the younger were to see it.

Not that Yoongi is in denial about his feelings. He’s well past that. They both are. Surely Taehyung knows how much Yoongi likes him when they feel each other under warm blankets, when they press their lips to one another, when Yoongi says Taehyung-ah I really like you and he says yeah I know I really like you too, I like you so much hyung.

He knows.

They know.

But Yoongi still struggles with vulnerability.

Sometimes he gets scared that Taehyung would be weirded out by just how much Yoongi likes him, that he’d go running in the other direction if he found out that Yoongi looks at that picture when he misses the younger, that his heart speeds up every time a message pops up from him, that sometimes Yoongi just wants to hold him so badly but he doesn’t know how to ask, doesn’t know how to be needy.

“Hyuuung.” The younger says, dragging out the syllables like a coo as he wrapped his arms around the older snugly, tightly. He nuzzled into Yoongi’s neck, his lips brushing against his skin like the ghost of a kiss. “Why are you embarrassed? I think it’s cute.”

“I’m not embarrassed.”

“You totally are. Your ears are red. Right here.” He said, nipping the top of Yoongi’s ear lobe lightly, playfully.

It made Yoongi smile.

He put it away as quickly as it came for effect.

“Shut up.”

“You are embarrassed.” The younger said with a laugh, a laugh that was soft and low and perfect and made Yoongi feel something soft and fuzzy in his heart, something that was simple and easy to understand yet unexplainable by equation. “Don’t be. I love it.” He whispered, whispered right in Yoongi’s ear and he felt goosebumps. “I love you.”

Yoongi froze. His heart skipped a beat and he felt it in his tummy, felt it in his throat, in his soul. “You do?”

“Yeah.” He said with a smile that sparkled with sincerity and eyes that twinkled with truth. “I really do. And I know it’s like, a big deal or whatever but it’s not complicated to me. It’s simple.”

“Simple?”

“Yeah.” He repeated, still grinning like a fool in love. “I know I love you. You know I love you. It’s simple like that.” The younger explained, bumping his nose against the other cutely. “And when you’re ready to tell me, whenever that is, I’ll say it back to you again.”

“Oh.” Yoongi’s mouth let out almost like an instinct, like it wasn’t even him speaking. His heart was bursting like a supernova, gushing something hot and amber colored out that made him a little dizzy. Taehyung makes him feel a little dizzy sometimes. “What do you love about me?” He asked quietly, so quietly he thinks he couldn’t even hear himself. It was a scary question.

“Your smile.” The other said immediately. “And I love that you’re honest and opinionated. That you care about things with your whole heart, that you love with your whole heart. I love that your heart is so big.” He whispered to Yoongi, whispered right into his skin like a prayer. “I love holding you like this. You fit into me so perfectly. I love that.” Yoongi felt Taehyung’s lips on his cheek, felt him pressing little kisses there. Yoongi thinks he could collapse. “There’s lots of you to love, really.”

Taehyung’s lips felt hot against Yoongi’s skin, felt warm as they drifted down onto this neck, as they pressed into him deeply, lovingly, so, so lovingly. It made Yoongi let out a noise. It was kind of an embarrassing noise but Taehyung seemed to like it as he hummed into Yoongi’s body, bringing his lips up to meet the others.

Yoongi’s learned to like kissing a lot. Taehyung kisses sweetly, kisses like a wish, like a song, like a promise. He kisses like he wants Yoongi, like he wants touch, like all he wants is to feel and feel and keep on feeling.

Taehyung slipped his tongue in slowly, moving in, moving deeper. It made Yoongi make that noise again. It was involuntary really. He couldn’t help it. It was so much pleasure, so much rapture, Yoongi didn’t know what to do, didn’t know how to control his body, how to control the sounds he makes.

Taehyung makes sounds when he kisses too. Yoongi thinks they’re dulcet sounds, that they sing, that they taste like honey against Yoongi’s lips. They’re sugared sounds. They’re golden and lyrical and Yoongi just wants everything, wants everything that Taehyung is.

Taehyung’s lips were still soft against his, still moving gently, still flush and balmy and light and making Yoongi think all kinds of things.

“Hey Taehyung?” He whispered, whispered quietly against the other’s mouth.

It made Taehyung laugh a little. “Yeah?”

Yoongi kissed him more. Once. Twice. Three times. “I love you too.”

Yoongi felt Taehyung smile into the kiss, felt the way he brought him closer, how he wrapped his arms around his waist more securely, like he was coming home, like Yoongi was home.

Then, like promised, Taehyung said it back.