Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

This boy. This boy is such a pain in my side. His name, Jeon Jungkook. He’s the only man to have that type of control over me, to be able to induce my id’s own hesitant recklessness. I’m surprised we haven’t been arrested, or killed yet.

Impulsiveness was never advantageous to me. I was always the quiet shy girl that would have her nose trapped in the middle of a book, rather than the girl likely to make an attempt at killing her liver each weekend. But, I guess he brings out the ‘best’ out of me.

We met when we were only one. Our mums became close friends, so we were forced to hang around each other due to their consistent attempts at play-dates, which usually resulted in  one of us balling our eyes out, because I ‘stole’ his toy or he pulled my hair. We irritating, but that’s us I guess. 

Even though we spent so much time together we still didn’t really like each other that much. Our constant bickering prevented our relationship from advancing any further at the time, so for a duration of about 4 years. But an incident happened later on that I could finally establish after that we actually were friends. 

School grew hard for me and I stopped attending for a while. I started to get bullied by some people in our class. They used to exclude me from playtime, call me names, made me know that I wasn’t welcome around them. They all loved Jungkook and loved him being around but hated me so we stopped hanging out, well, I stopped hanging out with him. For a while I don’t think he even noticed, but eventually he realised what had been happening and asked me about it. I couldn’t find it in myself to tell him the reason, but he found out anyway. 

I sat on a swing by myself at school one day, when I started attending again. A boy, I think his name was Taehyung. He came up to me, alone, with a snarl on his face. He was the leader of the group that was traumatising me, from what I had seen him and Jungkook were buddy-buddies, especially compared to Jungkook and myself. 

Violently, he pushed me off in a fit of rage. He stood there shouting, sparse eyebrows furrowed as if in pain. I hadn’t known what I had done, but I somehow felt guilty. He was so caught up in exploding at me, he hadn’t realised Jungkook now stood in front of us both. “Leave her alone!” a his usual shy little voice now had some bass to it. Taehyung wondered what Jungkook would possibly do and expressed that verbally himself. He responded duly, “Leave her alone, or I’ll hurt you!” Evilly chuckling, Taehyung pushed me back onto the floor as soon as I sat up, but the moment he let his hand touch me, a fist connected to his face. Jungkook punched him, he actually punched him. I was in shock. The guy I had been forced to hang around with, knowing we never really got along, punched a guy… for me.  

Until this point in time Jungkook was never an aggressive person. Shy, nervous, trembly were all words that were used to describe him. I’d say I was more aggressive than him at that age, you could probably say sort of bullied him, well… he’d say that I did. 

Falling to the ground with tears in his eyes, Taehyung started to scream at us both. Jungkook grabbed me from the floor and dragged me towards him while he attempted to walk away. I was still unsure on how to react to his anger, so I just let my jaw hang in shock. 

Later that night I stayed at his. He convinced our mums to throw a sleepover for us, which they did. Honestly, I was surprised. We hadn’t had a sleepover nor a play date in a good 2 years. We were 3 when they stopped. I think our mums finally acknowledged our intransigent relationship would never waver, so they stopped arranging play-dates for us. But this, this was different, knowing he was the one to originally instigate this was peaking my unnerving curiosity. 

This sleepover brought our relationship to a completely different level. I remember it as the first time we truly got to know each other. Like for the first time ever our words that were once uselessly strung together made sense. So many firsts with him occurred that night; my first hug with him, first self organised sleepover, first true friend. I still can’t forget how happy I was. We began a likely friendship I thought would last a lifetime. From that point on he’d always stick up for me, now never leaving my side, he’d never let people exclude me from happiness and soon enough he became my happiness. My little Euphoria.

As we got older we got even closer, as if it was even possible. He was never able to run his fingers through my hair in an attempt to comfort me for obvious reasons, (ahem, a bonnet), so instead he would always fall back onto giving me little Eskimo kisses and kissing away my sad tears sitting by my cheeks. His cuddles were always one of my favourite things. Despite him having a slim (yet muscular) stature, he had these strong arms that always felt soft when wrapped around me. 

If you can’t tell yet, I’m fucking whipped and I have no idea on how to handle it. We’ve both been alive for 19 years and have known each other for most of them. As you know now, for the majority of our lives, the times you would find Jungkook, I would be close in tow. We were inseparable, however, lately that seems quite far from the truth. 

We barely talk anymore. I never questioned it because we always discussed issues together that we may have had with each other, so I guess I wanted to fool myself that nothing had changed. Me not wanting to be annoying also played a vicious part on me not asking why we haven’t spoken.

Recently, Jungkook got a girlfriend. She was someone he had his eye on for a while and when I mean a while, I mean a good two years. He was obsessed with her for so long and no not in a really creepy, stalkerish way but in a foolishly, dumb loveydovey boy way. It was cute, I’ll admit it. It was obvious, the mere thought of her always brought an elated grin to his annoyingly adorable big ass face, so when he finally was able to be with her I could only imagine how happy he must have been and I would never have it any other way. Yet I still couldn’t pass by the fact that she had technically replaced me.

He began spending all his time with her and stopped answering my texts. At first I ignored it, envisioning possible reasons as to why I now seemed invisible. Earlier today I asked around his other friends, which to their replies I was even more skeptical. He was still in consistent contact with all of them, so I was confirmed to be the only one that he had been ignoring. 

Frankly, I was pissed. After uncovering the truth I ran to his apartment, frazzled and unsteady. I knocked aggressively on the door, contemplating how to break it to the bastard at how pissed I was. Yet I took a moment before the door was opened in order to calm down but the sight at the door made all the anger come back in a rush.  

“What are you doing here?” rolling her eyes mockingly there stood Jungkook’s girlfriend- Amber. She was adorned in what I was guessing was one of Jungkook’s oversized black shirts. Her brow had been covered in sweat, she was breathing heavily, flushed, chest falling and rising sequentially. His shirt was crumpled and had various white stains in different areas. My brow was raised at the sight of her, a tiny scowl creeping up on me, that I couldn’t help.

Breathing in deeply in order to let go of my frustrations, I tried my best to compose myself  “Can I come in please?” I asked as calmly as possible. “What are you doing here?” she repeated with an unbothered stare. Oh I really wanted to beat this bitch.

“I’m here to see Jungkook, why else would I be here for?” My annoyance started slightly peeking through, I could tell and so could she. She told me he was not here, although there was obviously someone in the flat with her, I could hear from his bedroom. “Honey, who is it?” The man in question asked softly, walking into the living room so I could see him clearly.

As he saw me his eyes widened, I guess he didn’t expect me to visit. “You, yeah you, we need to talk, now!” I pointed at him and turned and walked away from the door to sit on the bench a few feet from it , but not before giving the dirty bitch the stank eye. 

It took a few minutes but eventually he came out to me. I couldn’t look at him, not yet. He didn’t sit next to me but stood still right in front of me, saying absolutely nothing. 

I reluctantly ended the mutual silence, “Why have you been ignoring me?” He shook his head and claimed he wasn’t. “Yes you have been, what excuse do you have for not answering my texts or calls?” He said he broke his phone and hadn’t been able to get it fixed. I knew this was a lie. I showed the screenshots his friend Namjoon sent me of their most recent chat, which was this morning. In response he let out a deep breath he must’ve been holding. That confirmed his lie. “It’s Amber isn’t it” This wasn’t a question but a statement that I knew for a fact was true. “OK yes it is she told me that she doesn’t want me speaking to you anymore” “And you just accepted that, how is that okay to you?” he reminded me again about what I already I knew. How much he wanted her and how happy he is now that he has her. “She told me that she thinks you like me, like like me-like me and she doesn’t feel comfortable with us talking if you do.”

Shaking my head in disbelief “Seriously?! So you’d just abandon me” “Don’t put it like that” “That's literally what you’ve done. How could you?” He was at a lost for words, his mouth opening and closing without a single sound coming out. “Okay dude, you know I love you, right? Can I tell you something honestly?” “Y-yeah… okay?” I tried to gather my thoughts enough so I could admit my feelings to him. “I… fucking hate your girlfriend!” “Oh you do? Huh. So she was right wasn’t she. You know you need to learn to control your jealousy-” “Jealousy- JEALOUSY! Are you serious? You are impossible! Your girlfriend is a bitch who thinks bouncing on your dick makes her special” 

Furrowed eyebrows, angry eyes, a large scowl was on his face with a finger pointed directly in my face. “Don’t ever fucking speak about her like that again.” “It’s true, whether you like it or not. You know what, forget it. Delete my number if you haven’t already and let’s just forget about each other” “Fine” he spoke resolved. I nodded, trying my hardest not to cry in front of him “Goodbye, Jeon.” He didn’t answer and had already walked towards the door. 

Tears streamed down my face as I turned around waiting for his footsteps, for him to come and kiss my tears away like he usually does. All I heard was the door close. 

This reality hurt. Knowing my best friend, the unhelpable love of my life, would happily throw me away for someone else. He defeated his desperation, while I’ll hold onto mine forever. My heart aches for his touch. His soft plush lips against my face, whilst his velvety skin lies underneath mine. I yearn for his strong arms wrapped around me. I want to be selfish and have him all to myself, but I can’t and I know it.

This all happened 3 years ago, we haven’t spoken since. I’m sure on the street we’ve passed each other without knowing or knowing without the intention of talking. I regret not telling him how I felt about him. I regret telling him to delete my number. I regret not going back to visit him in time because when I finally put my pride away and did go back I found out he moved somewhere else, so ultimately we’ve lost all contact. The guilt has eaten away at me and I pray to God daily that one day I’ll be able to apologise to him. But for now I’ll keep loving you endlessly.

Chapter Text

I had been lived at my apartment for going on 2 years now and intend to stay longer. It is a moderately sized place. Comfortable, lived in. Somewhere I have grown accustomed to. I have made this place my own. My room, large and full of life. Well not so much life, more “personality”. I have a ton of fake plants; I know I’d kill them all if they were real.
Everything placed in my room was handpicked by me and everything I’ve ever wanted for my dream room came true. It’s my comfort zone and safe space. Between me and you, if I didn’t have to leave I never would.

Not to mention, it’s convenient too, being a 15-minute walk from my workplace. My set up couldn’t be more perfect. Expect my problem is now that my long-term roommate had moved out. It’s been about a week. They left with little notice, didn’t want to continue on with their lease. They made no prior mention of their plans to me before I returned home after work to a poorly written note clipped to the fridge and the second bedroom completely empty.

I haven’t had the time to sort to a contingency plan for being able to afford all the rent. On the basis of two people cohabiting, splitting the bill was fine. But now, it is looking like way too much for me to handle. Unfortunately, I have had no time to sort out viewings and appointments with potential candidates, so I had a close friend do it who owed me a big favour. My friend, Megan. She is a real estate agent and a good one at that. Thankfully she was able to set me up with this place and will hopefully find a good fit for a new roommate.
…
Around 3 weeks had passed since my roommate had moved out and it was getting closer to the day my rent was due. My friends had gone through piles and piles of applications and viewing for the apartments and told me she couldn’t find anyone that seemed to be the right fit. At this point I was just desperate in not wanting to lose this place and so I gave her the spare key to the apartment.
“If you find someone willing to move in this week, just have them sign the papers and give them the key, I don’t really want to wait any longer.” She nodded and carried on with her search.
I was starting to lose hope until I received a text message whilst at work.

Megan: Girl, I found someone, and he is willing to move in tomorrow!

Oh. I never thought about that actually. My last roommate was a woman. She minded her business, and I minded mine. So, I never stopped to think a man may want to move in. I didn’t know how comfortable I was having a man I have never met moving into my home. Not at that I had a choice at this point, but in the back of my head there were alarm bells going haywire. ‘What if he turns out to be a weirdo, a creep? A psycho killer?’ I should have specified to Megan. As I started to gather my thoughts, I was sent another message.
‘He’s signed the contracts and I’ve given him the key, he agreed to move in tomorrow.’ Pinching my nose, I released an exasperated sigh.

Megan: Will you be at home tomorrow?

I replied solemnly that I have work. She sent me the gritting teeth emoji.

Megan: You’ll just have to meet him when you get back then.
Me: You haven’t agreed to let a creep move in my home, right?
Megan: No, of course not.
Megan: Don’t be ridiculous ;(
Megan: To be honest, he was really cute; I think you’ll like him ;). Besides, only God knows the last time you had something going on. How long has it been now?
Me: Please, don’t remind me. I have a lot of stuff on anyway, I don’t have time for that stuff.
Megan: Ah, the common “I’m too busy” card. Keeping blaming that for your dry spell. Come on he might end up being the perfect vice for you to get one out.
Me: Ew, I’m not fucking my roommate. I haven’t even met the guy yet. Also, I don’t trust your taste in men when it comes to looks. Or personality. Just saying.
Megan: Fine, fine. Well, I hope tomorrow goes well anyway and I’ll talk to you soon.

My anxiety was rising with each passing hour. I kept stroking my hair, a nervous habit I seemed to pick up. I had 15 minutes left before I could leave. I was contemplating whether or not to sneak out and leave earlier. Concerning thoughts kept revolving through my mind. ‘What if he’s stealing my stuff’ ‘Imagine you get back and everything is gone’ ‘If everything is gone, what else do you have left?’ ‘Jesus Christ, stop already’.

It was finally time to head back. A normally 15-minute walk, today turned into a 5 minute one as I ran my way back. Hyperventilating and sweat patches under your arms probably isn’t the best first impression but at this point I no longer cared. My hands were shaking as I held my keys up to the keyhole. After struggling a little I finally got it open and walked in, surveying the property. I saw nothing out of the ordinary, everything was in place as I left it earlier. That was until I reached the living room. That’s when I saw him.

He was tall, very tall. Even with his back turned to me I could saying the muscles bulging from underneath his long baggy shirt. I assumed he heard me approach him as he abruptly turned around to face me, eyes wide. Very pretty brown eyes. As I looked closer at him, I noticed he had a dark brown mullet. His ears were pierced, not to mention his eyebrow and lip. He looked familiar. I squinted my eyes suspiciously at this revelation. In response, He raised his hand cautiously, eyes still wide, as if frightened. He looked like an innocent lamb the way he looked at me. “Hi…” he spoke, his voice both breathy and velvet-like. I hate to admit, it had me weak in the knees. He was an undoubtedly attractive man, with a sweet boyish innocence about him.

I replied with a weak greeting. “What’s your name?” I responded to the question and asked him the same.

“Jungkook. Jungkook, Jeon.”