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If you asked Namjoon how he ended up in this situation, he wouldn’t know how to answer; here are some things everyone has to know before hoping for an explanation:
Namjoon is a 24-year-old T.A in the 10am music composition class, he has monthly existential crisis, sometimes he writes songs with his friends and he has been in love with his childhood best friend ever since they met.
Ok, that’s not quite right, Namjoon has been in love through only ten of the fourteen years they have known each other - the other four he was just incredibly fond and only a little bit enamored.
It still doesn’t really explain why he, figuratively, has a lap full of Jungkook right now, but those are details.
“Hyung, please let me explain before you jump to conclusions.” Jungkook panics, eyes going very wide.
“I don’t think my brain is capable of jumping to conclusions right now. It is very much stuck on the fact you just asked to kiss me.” Yeah, Namjoon is confused too.
“I didn’t ask you to kiss me; I asked if you could teach me how to.” Jungkook has his brows furrowed, lips in a small pout.
“Jungkookie, that kinda implies you want me to kiss you.”
“It’s not-“ the younger sighs “It’s just, I’m getting older every day, and it’s lame how I haven’t kissed anyone yet.” His lips are now in full pout-mode.
Here’s the thing with Jungkook: he is a 21-year-old studying Visual Arts in college, he is one of the brattiest most attractive guy Namjoon has ever seen and also his roommate slash childhood love interest.
He has been a shy kid ever since they met, when Namjoon was eleven and being pushed around by the kids his age for looking too lanky, too skinny and weird, and Jungkook was only eight, yet he acted older when he had a MatterTM to take care of – that being walking to Namjoon’s offenders and yelling at them until they got tired of hearing it and left the two of them alone; Jungkook, with his front tooth missing (he would later tell Namjoon it took longer than the other ones because his front teeth were bigger, so they were stronger and harder to fall. Namjoon thought it didn’t make sense), big brown eyes and heart so, so big, asking ‘are you hurt?’ even before he asked for Namjoon’s name.
He was a very shy kid who didn’t really engage in activities only because people said they were cool, so no kissing had happened yet in his life; another reason why Namjoon was so spooked.
“It’s not lame.” He frowns. “You’re living in your own pace; you don’t have to rush anything. If you’re not ready to do it yet, then you’re not and that’s that.”
“It’s not that I’m not ready.” The younger whines “It’s just, I don’t know many people I trust enough to have my first kiss with.”
“You have lots of friends.”
“If you’re implying I should ask either Yugyeom or Mingyu to help me with my first kiss, then please take it back.” Jungkook looks mildly disgusted.
“You’re very close to Taehyung.” Namjoon reasons.
“You’re also very close to Hoseok hyung, would you kiss him?” His left eyebrow goes up.
“I have.” Namjoon shrugs.
“You’re kidding.” Jungkook looks quite surprised, in Namjoon’s opinion, considering their group of friends is very touchy with each other – Jungkook slowly sitting closer until he eventually just sat in his lap is an excellent example.
“I’m not. We went out once, got very drunk, and thought it was good idea.” He shrugs again. “Wasn’t the worst idea, to be honest. He’s a good kisser.”
“Holy shit.” Jungkook’s eyes are very wide, mouth open in shock.
“Anyways, you could ask him. Or Jimin, for that matter.”
“Jimin would laugh at me.” Jungkook pouts again, arms crossing.
“Jimin would laugh at you then kiss you.” Namjoon adds. “He loves you enough to help you with anything.”
“Yeah, but he would laugh.” He uncrosses his arms, resting his hands on his lap. “The point is that I don’t want to be laughed at. I wanna skip the humiliation part straight into the kiss part.”
“And how would I even help with that?” Namjoon’s head tilts sideways.
“You don’t judge, hyung.” Jungkook looks at him. “You never laugh at me when you know I’m being serious. You listen and you always try to help.”
“Considering you’re literally sitting on my lap just to keep my attention on you, your ‘listening’ argument seems like a slight reach.”
“Shut up.” Jungkook whines, face hiding in his hands. “You get ansty during serious conversations, your leg bounces and it distracts me. This is just intervention.”
Namjoon huffs. He does do that, but Jungkook had no business pointing it out.
“Anyway. Everyone in our group of friends has kissed at least once before and it sucks. I feel like I’m missing out on something and I’m tired of it. Tired of feeling left out.”
“Jungkookie-“
“Don’t even try, hyung.” Jungkook interrupts, flicking his hand. “Anyways, you’re the only person who made sense to ask for help, so here I am.” He smiles slightly.
“Look, Jungkook, I’m not sure we should do this.” Namjoon starts. “It’s your first kiss, if you waited this long then it probably means it’s something important to you, and I’d hate myself to take that away from you.”
“Hyung, wait-“
“No, listen.” He raises a hand to stop the younger. “Your first kiss should be with someone important to you, someone you trust.”
“Hyung, can you even hear what you’re saying?” Jungkook frowns; Namjoon thinks he’s been doing that one too many times in the conversation. “That is literally you. We’ve known each other for years, there’s no one I trust more.” A pause “You have literally seen me at my worst moments and didn’t even flinch; I think it’s safe to say you fit the role perfectly.”
“Jungkook-“
“Unless you don’t want to.” Jungkook freezes for a second. “Oh shit, I didn’t think of that. Uhm.”
“Hey, no-“
“You can totally say no.” The younger hurries “In fact I think you were just trying to and I didn’t listen, oh shit, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought this up, yeah-” And when he tries to get up, Namjoon puts his hands firmly on the younger’s waist, holding him in place.
“Jungkook, look at me.”
The younger hesitates for a second, blush going all the way down his neck – he looks so pretty Namjoon could kiss him.
Oh, wait.
“Ok, hypothetically speaking.” Namjoon starts when Jungkook looks at him. “What if I said yes and it got weird? We live together, have been friends for fourteen years. How do you know it won’t get awkward?”
“I just know.” Jungkook says low, almost a whisper. “It’s us, hyung. You know it wouldn’t get weird.”
And, yeah, Jungkook is right. They’ve been through so many rough paths that things rarely got awkward unless it involved someone else – and that was only one time when Namjoon’s one night stand walked in on Jungkook butt naked in the bathroom because he had forgotten to lock it before showering and then asking for Jungkook’s number. It was awkward for Jungkook, Namjoon had spent half an hour trying to calm down from a laughing fit.
“I don’t know why I’m considering it.” Namjoon mutters “You’ve been hanging out with Jimin lately? Your persuasion skills are getting better and I just know it’s because of him.”
“He’s a menace and I love him.”
“Fair enough.” Namjoon laughs. “God, am I really considering this?”
A pause.
“Ok, if we’re doing this, I need you to promise it won’t get weird.”
“I promise.” Jungkook nods, eyes wide.
“No, full-on promise.” Namjoon shakes his head, raising his left pinky finger and hovering it between his and Jungkook’s chest.
“God, you’re so lame.” The younger laughs, rolling his eyes, but complies. “I promise it won’t get weird.”
“Perfect. Thank you.”
And then he looks at Jungkook. Really looks.
Sees the way the younger’s eyes are fond, but also a little bit wider than usual, meaning he’s probably at least a little bit anxious about what’s about to happen; sees the way his cheeks don’t usually blush, but there’s a little bit of redness there, like he can’t help but be embarrassed; sees the way his hair falls, fluffy after napping with Namjoon in the afternoon and the way he still had some of that sleepy softness hanging to him. Namjoon looks at the way his white shirt – very much oversized – hangs off of his shoulder, making him appear small, while also wearing shorts that catch Namjoon’s attention so often he feels a bit dizzy.
Jungkook looks soft, but he also looks real. Looks expectant and eager and Namjoon can’t help when he brings one of his hands to the back of the younger’s neck, the other resting in the small of his back. He brings Jungkook closer and the shuddering breath that leaves the younger’s mouth, as weird as it seems, makes him smile slightly.
“It’s ok to be nervous.” Namjoon whispers, softly petting the hair by Jungkook’s neck. “It’s normal and you don’t have to worry about it, I just need you to tell me if you want to stop or if you don’t like something. At any time, don’t hesitate to say something or push me away.”
“Ok, got it.” Jungkook whispers back. Fuck, they were doing it. They were really going to do it.
“I’m serious, Jungkook.”
“I know, but if you don’t kiss me soon, I might pass out.”
Namjoon laughs and brings their foreheads closer, until they’re touching and Namjoon can feel Jungkook’s breath on his lips. He closes his eyes and takes the moment in.
He’s so fucked.
He’s so fucked because once it’s done, it can’t be undone and Namjoon is not sure if he can go back to normal. Doesn’t know if he will be able to wake up, bump Jungkook in the kitchen and not immediately want to kiss him, want to have him again. He isn’t sure he will be able to forget once he gets the taste of this.
He’s also not sure he can pull back, not finish what he - barely - started; he might just die if he doesn’t kiss Jungkook. It feels like it’s a road he won’t be able to not take, even if it hurts him in the long run.
So with that thought in mind, he brings both his hands to Jungkook’s jaw, thumbs softly running through his cheeks and with a last exhale, takes the first step into an unknown path.
The sound Jungkook makes when their lips touch might not be intentional, but it ignites a fire inside Namjoon that was once just a little spark. It makes his insides melt, his brain turns into jelly and his heart speeds up so much he can feels it beating violently against his ribcage. It’s like a breath of fresh air.
It’s like coming home.
Jungkook pushes into him more, and Namjoon uses the arm that was around his – oh God, so tiny - waist to bring him closer, their chests touching.
Slowly, cautiously, Namjoon starts opening up more, and Jungkook responds eargerly, always ready to take a challenge head-on.
It’s a bit messy at first - of course it is - but Namjoon is patient, and Jungkook is a fast learner, so it works. They get the hang of it; learn how to work with each other. Namjoon learns what makes Jungkook’s breath hitch, what makes him shiver and whine so soflty he can feel it more than he can hear.
Namjoon learns that lip bites make Jungkook release these pretty little sounds, and running his hand’s through the younger’s hair makes him melt against Namjoon’s chest. It’s devastating and it’s everything he ever wanted.
They eventually break apart to breathe properly and one look is enough to wreck Namjoon; Jungkook’s lips are red and shiny, eyes still closed, chest going up and down. His hair is ruffled and so, so soft. He rests his forehead against Namjoon’s.
“Wow.” The younger says breathlessly. “That was, yeah, wow.” He giggles after.
“Was it ok? I didn’t wanna push you, but you said a kiss and I thought just a peck wasn’t really what you meant.”
“No, it was-“ Jungkook pauses, eyes opening and smiling sheepishly. “It was really good, hyung. You’re a really good kisser.”
Oh god, this kid is gonna be the death of him. Rest in peace, Kim Namjoon; cause of death: being whipped.
“I, uhm-“ Jungkook hesitates. “Is it ok if we do it again?”
“Are you sure?” Namjoon’s arms resting around Jungkook’s waist, but he has the urge to just take them back and play with his own fingers.
“Very.” Jungkook says right before he dives in for another kiss.
This time, the kiss feels more urgent, like Jungkook is searching for something.
“Having fun?” Namjoon asks, laughing a bit.
“A little bit, yeah.” Jungkook giggles. “This is fun. It’s good.”
“It’s why people do it.”
“Shut up.” Jungkook groans, before going in for another kiss. His hands are going through Namjoon’s hair and it feels so good he sighs, melting a little bit against the couch.
The turning point is when Jungkook bites down on Namjoon’s lower lip, and he can’t help but groan low in his chest.
“Oh.” Jungkook whispers, leaning back. “That’s interesting.” There’s laughter hidden in his tone and Namjoon wants to kiss him again, and again, and again.
“At this point is not just kissing, we’re basically making out. Don’t act surprised.”
“I have to admit I am though. Pleasantly surprised and I think it’s fair that I warn you I will do it again.” And he does, again and again, to a point where Namjoon’s lower lip is tingling and he already lost count of how many times Jungkook has giggled because of his groans.
“It’s also only fair that I warn you that if you keep doing that, I won’t be responsible for the way my body reacts.” Namjoon says, voice lower than normal. “Thought I should let you know before I accidentally freak you out.”
“I wouldn’t freak out.” Jungkook’s voice raises an octave. “I’ve had those, uhm, moments.”
“Having one is very different to causing one, especially to someone else.” Namjoon pecks his lips, then kisses his nose, his cheeks and then his jaw.
“Noted.” And when Namjoon reaches his neck, Jungkook lets out a groan of his own. “I see what you meant there about body reactions and I gotta say I understand perfectly.”
“Told you so.”
“Shut up.” Jungkook grumbles, arching into Namjoon when he uses a bit of teeth. “Kiss me again before I regret sharing the thought with you.”
“No need to ask twice.” And then they’re kissing again and it’s fast and it’s sweet, but also soft in their own way, and so, so good he loses himself a little.
Until Jungkook moves his hips a bit, almost like he doesn’t even notice it himself, and Namjoon’s mind zeroes down to that point of contact. At first he thinks it was just the younger readjusting his sitting, but then he does it twice more, and if Namjoon had any doubts, Jungkook’s soft whine answered all of them.
“Kook-“ Namjoon whispers.
“Shut up.” The younger cuts him. “I know, shut up.”
“It’s ok-“
“I’m very embarrassed, so please be quiet for a second.” And there’s that; they keep kissing.
Jungkook keeps making these little sounds, and Namjoon’s heart feels like it’s going to burst through his chest, right there on their laps. The kiss is wet, hot, and Namjoon can’t think properly; he’s so fucked.
“Kook, wait-“
“If you stop kissing me just to talk, I will honestly explode.” Jungkook looks at him seriously. “I will not be responsible for my actions if you try to talk some sense while we’re making out.”
Namjoon can’t help it, so he laughs. A full-body and very loud laugh, and although Jungkook’s cheeks are getting redder slowly, he has a fond smile too.
“Sorry.” He keeps giggling. “Sorry, that was just very aggressive for someone that sighs when I pet their hair.”
“Shut up.” Jungkook whines, and hides in the elder’s neck.
“It’s cute how you can go from angry to embarrassed so quickly.” He kisses the younger’s head.
“I honestly hate you.”
“No, you don’t.” Namjoon smiles.
“No, I don’t.” Jungkook mumbles back, words muffled from where his mouth is resting by Namjoon’s shoulder.
The stay like that for a while, Jungkook breathing softly while Namjoon pets his hair, brushing his bangs off his forehead and then planting a kiss there.
“You good?” He asks after some time, Jungkook sprawled against him.
“Yeah.” He sighs. “I’m very comfortable right now.”
“I’m glad.” Namjoon laughs. “Happy to be of service.” And Jungkook giggles quietly, dropping a shy kiss on the elder’s neck.
“Thank you for taking care of me, hyung.” The younger pauses. “Even if I come up with stupid ideas.”
“It’s not stupid, Kook-ah.” He hugs the younger closer. “It’s something important to you, and I’m glad you trust me enough to ask for my help. Sorry if I made you feel unsure about it, just caught me off guard.”
“Yeah.” Jungkook sighs.
Namjoon’s heart is still beating hard against his ribs, his thoughts running way too fast for him to even try and make sense of them. He doesn’t know how he’s gonna come back from this, and it’s terrifying.
He can’t lose Jungkook; the younger is too important to him, has a gigantic spot reserved only for him on Namjoon’s heart. Losing him is not an option, even if it feels like it might have to be if Jungkook decides that’s the best decision.
“We should go to bed-“
“Hyung, wait.” Jungkook raises his head, holding Namjoon on his spot. “I- ah, nevermind.”
“What is it, Kook?” He prods.
“It’s nothing, don’t worry.” Jungkook lowers his head, getting up from Namjoon’s lap.
“Is something wrong or you just don’t wanna talk about it anymore?” The elder reaches for his hand, trying to keep him close and give some support.
“Nothing’s wrong, I just-“ He pauses, then sighs. “I was gonna say something but now I think it’s dumb.”
“Is it important to you?”
“Yes.”
“Then go ahead, I’m all ears.” Namjoon says, leaning back and resting on the couch.
“I was-“ A pause and a sigh. “I was gonna ask if we could keep, you know, doing that.”
“Doing what, exactly?” Namjoon swallows down the urge to smile at the younger’s blush.
“That.” Jungkook shrugs, a hand raised to point at the couch and then at Namjoon.
“You mean kissing?” The elder smirks a little.
“I guess.” Jungkook shrugs again, eyes downcast.
“Is that what you want, Kook-ah?”
“Yes.” He whispers, ears turning bright red. And even though Namjoon knows he might regret this, he still can’t help it when he brightens up.
“Then come back here, baby.” Namjoon pulls Jungkook by one hand, the other going for the younger’s waist. “Can’t leave you hanging, can we?”
“Stop making fun of me, hyung.” He pouts.
“I’m not, Kook-ah.” He smiles fondly, pulling the younger to his lap. “But you’re cute when you blush.”
“Stop teasing and kiss me already.” Jungkook says, bringing his hands to Namjoon’s jaw.
“Do you like kissing me that much?” He smiles.
“Yes.” The younger says and his eyes go wide. “I wasn’t supposed to voice that, was supposed to stay as a thought.”
“It’s ok, baby.” Namjoon laughs. “I like it when you’re honest.”
“I like it when you call me that.”
“What? Baby?”
“Yeah.” Jungkook grins, looking down like he doesn’t want Namjoon to see it.
“Then I’ll keep calling you baby.” The elder says, and why does it sound so much like a promise?
“Ok.” The younger looks up, leaning into Namjoon – it seems like Jungkook thinks so too. “But no more talking from now on, only kissing.”
“Bossy.” Namjoon raises a brow, smirking.”
“You like it.”
“I do.” Namjoon nods, resting his forehead against Jungkook’s.
“And you like me.” Jungkook states. Not a question, no space for doubt; there never was any to begin with.
“I do.” Namjoon breathes, eyes closing when the younger starts running his hand through his hair.
“Good.” Jungkook whispers. “Can I kiss you now and confess later?”
“Only if you promise there really will be a confession.”
“I promise.” Jungkook raises his hand, pinky out.
“Then you can kiss me all you want.”