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Sid hated the formality that Father did. The whole ‘I need to talk to you in my study’ bit or the ‘why don’t we take a walk?’ made his skin crawl. He was always eyeing the problems, always wanted to talk well why couldn’t he just leave things alone like the rest of them?
Because he cares about the ‘immortal soul’ or some shit. Sid knew damn well that his soul was fucked one way or another.
“Father, what’s this ‘bout?” Sid asked, sighing as he took out a cigarette. He felt like he was going to need one.
“Just wanted to take a walk. You looked like you had something you needed to get off your chest.” He said, not looking at him and his hands behind his back holding his umbrella.
Sid couldn’t help but snort because there were two things he needed to get off his chest but that wasn’t appropriate in the current company for a few reasons. “Ya must be mistaken Father, I ain’t got nothin’ ta say today.”
They walked in silence for a bit, appreciating the silence as he got down to half of his ciggie.
“You never did like the name Sidney.” It wasn’t so much a question as a fact and Sid shrugged. He got the question enough that he knew what to do with it.
“What like I’m gonna like a name my parents picked for me before they kicked me out? Plus Sid just rolls off the tongue, dontcha think?” He turned to blow the smoke awake from Father Brown but also a chance to look away from him.
“Yes, well,” he stopped and Sid stopped with him, “relatively hard to miss people going door to door almost for the conscription.”
He felt his heart hammering in his chest as he tried to be nonchalant about the whole thing. If only they were walking then he didn’t have to look straight at Father. “I wouldn’t ‘ave done well in the military.”
“Quite the contrary, you’re a decent shot and have a strong moral backbone.”
“They didn’t want me.”
“Why?”
And that was the double-edged sword, isn’t it? It was dawning on Sid that maybe Father knew more than he was letting on because of course he did. Of course he would have figured it out but the questions sure are pissing him off.
“Cause they wouldn’t have wanted me. What’s this ‘bout?” He flicked his cigarette on the ground putting his hands on his hips. He didn’t want to fight a priest, especially one with their friendship, but he would if he had to.
Father looked like he wanted to say something, opened his mouth just enough to maybe get the word out, before closing it. “Nothing. Forget I said any of it.” He started to walk again but this time Sid didn’t follow him.
“You know don’t you?”
It made him stop and Sid felt for a moment that everything was going to crumble around him even though that wasn’t true.
“Pray tell what you mean.”
“I mean you know. ‘bout me. ‘bout… About who I used to be.”
Father turned to look at him for a moment, before walking the few steps back to him. “You took Sid because it was better suited to a man’s name.” Again, not a question and he kinda hated it when he was at the other end of the smarts.
He could have turned him away for lesser things: the stealing, the women, and his general attitude. What more would he say to him now? “Yeah.” He said after a moment sighing. “I took it in, what, year six? ‘Rents didn’t mind it until I started wearin’ trousers.” Sid laughed for a moment.
The priest said nothing as if waiting for him to continue.
“Don’t know what else to tell ya, I got kicked out when I didn’t wanna go to secondary school an’ I started insistin’ on bein’… Well… Me I guess. Thought I was a goner ‘till Lady F took me in as her chauffeur. Bought me the uniform an’ everythin’ an’ then you started givin’ me clothes that I tailored. Sometimes I give ‘em ta Mrs. M but I don’t want her ta get suspicious ‘bout anythin’.”
Nothing was said between them for a moment.
“So what now? You gonna tell me that I’ve ‘strayed from God’ an’ that ya can’t have the likes of me hangin’ ‘round your church?”
Father’s face pinched before relaxing again. “No. I just wanted you to tell me so that I could tell you this.” He looked him up and down and for a second Sid was seized with nervousness he couldn’t quite explain. “Sid Carter, you are one of the finest men I know. You might not think you are, or act like it sometimes, but for all that you give us trouble deep down you have a solid heart.”
Sid stepped back, feeling all for the moment like someone had punched him in the face. Father was sincere, but he was never like this to him. “Are ya sick, Father? Is somethin’ happenin’ or is this like a coded message?”
He put his hand on the chauffeur’s shoulder before he started walking again leaving Sid to blink back the sudden wetness in his eyes. “Not yet, I just know when someone in my flock needs to hear something.” Sid laughed, taking out another cigarette.
“I’m not a part of your flock.”
“Really? You sure do visit church more often than some people.”
“Hey, don’t go ‘round spreadin’ that. The only reason I come is to help you need I remind you.” Sid smiled, jogging after him.