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“Roman, I’m home,” Logan stated as he locked the front door behind him. He had expected his boyfriend to be in the living room or the kitchen, so he didn’t call out very loudly. Which was why he was left confused when he got no response.
“Roman? Are you home?” Logan asked as he walked past the kitchen counter, placing down the groceries he had picked up on the way home.
Roman’s audition was at midday, so he should have been home by now, right? Maybe he was in the bathroom, or lying in bed. Logan had told him plenty of times he should only use the bed for sleep and sex. That never stopped Roman from spreading out on their duvet to read lines or watch shows on his laptop. Logan honestly didn’t understand, they had a perfectly adequate TV and couch.
Logan went to investigate their bedroom, pushing open the door only to find Roman wasn’t lying in bed, but sitting on the floor at the bottom of it, knees pulled up to his chest and face in his hands. His head snapped up when the door creaked.
“Oh! Logan, my dearest, sorry I didn’t hear you come in!” He forced himself into a more relaxed position, letting one leg fall to the side and propping his elbow on the knee of the other, in an attempt to look at ease.
It might of worked if it weren’t for the red puffiness surrounding his damp eyes.
“I wasn’t being loud. Are you okay?” Logan walked over, sitting down on his knees in front of his partner.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” His face was brave but his voice was cracking.
“You seem to have been crying. Did something happen? Was it the audition?”
Roman scrubbed at his eyes, cursing at them quietly for betraying him. Logan mentally thanked them.
“They rejected me. I didn’t even get to finish the scene.”
Logan frowned, he’d seen Roman get a little downtrodden by rejections before, but it was obvious from his voice and body language that he was really upset, much more than normal. What was different this time?
“This has happened before, has it not?” Logan asked. In hindsight, there might have been a better way to phrase it.
“Yes! At least four times just this month!”
Oh. That explains it.
“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong it’s just been rejection after rejection! And every time I tell myself ‘it’s okay, I’ll get the next one’ but then I just manage to fail again! Even when I’m so sure that my performance is perfect, it’s not!” He ranted, no longer holding back as he waved his hands about in clear frustration.
“You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. You can only try your best-”
“That’s the problem, Logan,” Roman dragged his hands through his hair, pulling at it. “I am trying my best. And it hurts to know… to know that my best isn’t good enough. That I’m not good enough.”
Logan stared wide-eyed at his partner, lost for a moment in disbelief at his poor self-opinion and the pain of seeing the man he loved so… dejected. Crestfallen.
“Roman…your ‘best’ today is not going to be the same as your ‘best’ tomorrow. Every day you continue to improve and learn and grow,” He untangled Roman’s hands from his hair held them, speaking softly but with no lack of resolve.
“And don’t forget how far you’ve already come, you’ve accomplished so much Roman, and you’ll continue to accomplish more. I know you will. And you shouldn’t let these rejections define or deter you, there are plenty of productions and directors out there, just because these ones decided not to cast you that does not mean no one will,” Logan paused, before adding quietly, and with just a taste of resentment. “And it certainly doesn’t mean that they were right not too.”
Roman was crying again now, staring hard at Logan’s tie as tears streamed silently down his face. He reached forward with one hand and gently cradled Roman’s face, tilting his chin up so their eyes met.
“And… although it shouldn’t really matter, and goes without saying, you’re so much more than just ‘good enough’ to me, Roman.”
“You really mean that, Teach?”
“Of course I do. I would not have said it if I didn’t. You know that.”
Trembling lips pulled up into a smile, the first real one Logan had gotten from his love since coming home.
“Thank you, my love,” Roman whispered, his voice cracking and raw. He suddenly lurched forwards, wrapping his arms tightly around Logan, tucking his face into the crook of his neck.
“Thank you so much, that- you really helped. I love you, Logan.”
Logan blushed and returned the hug, glad Roman couldn't see that he was still blushing at things like this after being together for so long.
“It was no trouble, I’m glad to have been of assistance. I love you too, Roman.”
They sat there for a while, holding each other while Roman let out the last of his sobs, before eventually pulling away. Logan took his boyfriend’s face into his hands and gently wiped the tear tracks from his cheeks.
“Are you up for helping me with the groceries? I purchased your favourite ice-cream-,” Logan froze mid-sentence, eyes suddenly going wide.
“Oh, fuck, the ice-cream,” Suddenly he was on his feet and booking it out the bedroom door, a delighted Roman close behind.