Work Text:
Although it had been a few hours already, Minho still couldn't comprehend what had happened during their rehearsal. It was quite easy, really: Jonghyun had kissed him. And yet, Minho was dumbfounded. To tell the truth, although it wasn't his first kiss - far from it actually - it had been his first kiss that hadn't been scripted for a Drama and his first kiss with a man. As short as it had been...
He still didn't know what to think.
It had started pretty normally, nothing unusual. They rehearsed in the new venue. Most of the time they also included the fan service. Sure, some of the stuff they did during the concert was spontaneous, but most of it was planned. Otherwise they would forget it mostly. This one wasn't planned though. This had been a spontaneous idea of his. While the stairs had been pushed closer together he thought it would be funny, a small joke. He never would have imagined that Jonghyun would come closer instead of pulling away at the last moment, as always. He had laughed after his initial shock had subsided and although he couldn't decipher the looks Key threw his way - it seemed to be a mix of amusement, worry and something else he didn't recognize - he heard the others laugh as well. It was a joke. One that didn't go as he had planned, but a joke nonetheless.
Afterwards Jonghyun had told him that they should repeat this during the concert and although Minho knew that he talked about the teasing almost-kiss version but he couldn't help but to think about the way their lips had brushed slightly, how tingles had spread through his whole body and how he had a hard time suppressing the heat in his cheeks. His thoughts were jumbled and Key's looks didn't help him reorganize the mess his head had turned into.
"Key, either you talk to me or you go away, but please stop staring holes into my head. You're not helping.", the tall man snapped after Key had sat watching him for the past fifteen minutes while they waited in their dressing room for the others to come with their lunch.
Kibum sighed his diva sigh - the one that makes you feel like you're a small child that doesn't understand the simplest things and he has to explain it to you - and sat down on the table directly in front of Minho. Without saying anything. Just staring - again.
"Kibum, what do you want? You have been staring at me since Jonghyun kissed me. I kissed Jonghyun. Uhm... Whatever. Just stop it 'cause it's unnerving."
When the older one didn't react Minho released a deep sigh.
"Why are you doing this? Are you in love with him, or something?"
Minho didn't know why the thought left him feeling unpleasant, but Key's scoff didn't leave him much time to think about it.
"With that dino? Nu-uh, please! I have better taste than that. Others though..."
Key grinned at Minho's confused look, but didn't elaborate further. Before anybody could say anything more the other three entered loudly talking and Key slid from the table, only patting the younger's shoulder before he went over to complain about the wait.
It was almost time. They sat down on the steps and the background dancer started to push them together. His heart was beating faster and faster and he had to concentrate not to forget to sing his parts. When Jonghyun pulled away before their lips could touch he was glad, although he couldn't explain why his heart sank. He was confused - so much more than after the actual kiss. Minho knew he should be glad that nothing happened, just a little bit of fan service. Still, the sinking feeling in his stomach didn't stop. Maybe he was getting sick.
When the weird feeling didn't stop, but only got stronger when he was near the older one he knew something was wrong. He was scared to accept what he was suspecting, thus he started avoiding the smaller man. He couldn't do that. No, this was not normal. They would hate him.
"Seriously, what is wrong with him? He's ignoring me! He won't even stay in the same room as me anymore if it isn't for work!"
Minho stopped in his tracks. He had been to the gym but had left early because he didn't feel well. It didn't seem Jonghyun and whomever he was talking to had noticed him yet.
"Keep cool, dino. No need to wreck your brain."
Key.
"Don't 'dino' me! You can't tell me you didn't notice. He is totally avoiding me! And I don't even know why! I tried to ask him, but he always manages to worm his way out of my grasp. I was concerned at first but now it's only pissing me off!"
Minho could hear Key sigh - this time the desperate kind reserved only for Jonghyun - before he mumbled:
"You are both so dumb, seriously! If..."
In that moment Onew came out of his room and noticed Minho standing there.
"Minho! You are early, did something happen? Why are you standing there?"
Startled, Minho jumped in surprise, and turned pale when Jonghyun came out of the kitchen, where he had been with Key. His expression was anything but happy.
"You! Not only are you ignoring me, no, you also have the nerve to eavesdrop? What is wrong with you?"
Although Minho was taller than his hyung he felt incredibly small compared to the bundle of angry energy in front of him. He wanted to say something, anything, but nothing came out. He gasped lightly for air, tried again. He didn't want Jonghyun to be angry with him, but he knew either that or he would hate him. If he’s angry, he could still forgive Minho, but if he started to hate him, he’d lose him forever. No, it was better this way.
A small sob escaped his lips then and Jonghyun turned around and stormed off to his room, slamming the door behind him. Minho, too, left for his own room then, trying to suppress the sobbing and to stop the tears sliding down his cheeks. He didn't know what was wrong with him. It wasn't the first time he argued with the older one, but now it hurt so much more...
Three weeks had passed and Jonghyun still didn't talk to him. Minho had tried to talk to him - not about the issue, but in general - but the singer ignored him. He knew that he had done the same thing, but it hurt just so much. He wanted to be near the other but he was afraid he would find out what was wrong with Minho. Onew and Taemin also noticed that something was wrong and although Minho wanted to be left alone they bothered him all the time. But if he thought those two were bad, Key was worse. He tried to force-feed him when Minho didn't want to eat, forced him out of his room and tried to get him to laugh, to cheer up, but his efforts were fruitless. He couldn't even sleep anymore and after some time he felt as if he was too tired to even breath properly.
It was the middle of the fourth week - he didn't go to work for the second week now because he was "ill" - and he was alone at the dorm. He wanted to go to the bathroom, but didn't make it and lost consciousness on the way.
A regular beeping noise woke him up. Minho was confused because he couldn't remember going to bed and the beeping didn't quite sound like his alarm clock. Slowly, he opened his eyes only to realize that he definitely wasn't in his room. From the looks of it, he was in the hospital. When he tried to sit up he noticed that he was connected to an IV bag and some machines what explained the beeping. Still, he couldn't make sense of how he got here. The last he remembered was that he was alone at home and had wanted to go to the bathroom.
He didn't have to wait long until the door to his room opened and Taemin stood in the doorway, still facing the hallway and talking to someone who was smaller than him. Probably Jonghyun.
"Seriously, hyung, stop blaming yourself! He's just as guilty as you! You two should really talk to each other when he wakes up. And I thought umma was making jokes when he told me about you two. You are too dense!"
"Okay, okay, keep cool. I'll talk to him when he finally wakes up."
Just then Taemin turned around and noticed Minho pretty much awake and looking at them.
"Or I'm leaving you alone right now so you can talk to him."
Taemin had already left before Jonghyun could react and suddenly they were alone in the room. Slightly hesitating, he came over and sat down on a chair next to the bed. Minho hadn't said anything yet.
"How do you feel?"
When he tried to answer his throat felt too dry. Thankfully, as he sat up slightly, Jonghyun held a glass to his lips so that he could take a few small sips. Then he lay down again.
"Fine, I think. Tired. What happened?"
Jonghyun put the glass back on the table next to the bed and explained:
"We found you lying unconscious in the hallway. You gave as a scare! We thought you were dead or something! The doctor said you broke down because of exhaustion."
"For how long was I asleep?"
He didn't want to think about the reason he broke down. He didn't even do anything to break down.
"Almost three days."
They sat in silence for a few minutes after that, until Minho mumbled lowly:
"I'm sorry."
"You don't have to apologize for breaking down. It happens."
Minho shook his head.
"No, not for that. Well... Yeah, for that also, but mostly because I ignored you."
The older one stayed silent for a few minutes but then shook his head.
"That's okay. I just want to know why you did it in the first place. Did I do something?"
Minho shook his head slightly, tears streaming down his cheeks.
"No, no, you didn't do anything. But you will hate me if I tell you! You will think I am disgusting!"
Concerned Jonghyun noticed how the beeping of the heart monitor got faster.
"Shhh, Minho calm down. I could never hate you! I promise. Just tell me why you ignored me."
Still a little bit unsure he started to talk:
"You... Do you remember the rehearsal a few weeks ago when you kissed me as a joke? It... I... I felt strange afterwards. At first I thought I was getting sick, although I never felt like that before. Then I noticed that the feeling would intensify when you were near me, especially when you touched me. I... I'm in love with you, hyung. I know I disgust you and I will keep away from you. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry!"
"Hey, hey, Minho, please calm down. I don't think you are disgusting! I could never! Why do you think that?"
Minho took a few deep breaths before looking up again, his eyes wide and teary, almost desperate..
"Didn't you hear what I said? I'm gay. And in love with you. It's one thing as fan service but an entirely other thing when it's reality. I'm disgusting...."
Jonghyun stood up and sat down on the bed again, helped the younger up and hugged him.
"Hey, you are not disgusting. I don't have a problem with you being gay. To tell you the truth, I kind of like it. It makes many things much easier!"
The younger one relaxed into the embrace, sighed a content sigh. Then he asked lowly:
"What do you mean, it makes many things easier?
He didn't really feel like that. He felt like everything was getting more complicated since he understood his feelings for the smaller man.
"Exactly that. It's much easier to be in a relationship with someone who likes you back."
Minho froze for a second, then looked up with big eyes. He gulped, his tongue sliding over his plump lips.
"Relationship? Hyung, please. Don't make jokes. I can't..."
Jonghyun shook his head, smiled.
"That's the reason I kissed you and made a joke out of it. I thought I would never get another chance for a kiss. I love you, Minho."
Tears started to stream down his cheeks again but Minho didn't care. He could just smile and soaked in the feeling of the older one's lips pressed against his own.
It was a thousand times better than the first kiss.