Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Have you ever liked someone? I think I like someone.”

Uraraka had her chopsticks halfway to her mouth, rice precariously balanced. Slowly, she placed the grains on her tongue. Chewed. Then swallowed. It tasted like nothing.

“Hm?”

She feigned curiosity but knew this day was coming. The day Deku finally confessed.

“I… I think I like Kirishima.”

And there it was. A thousand pointed needles struck her in the back.

She knew it. She just knew it. After all, her eyes were glued to that green hair and those freckles at all times. There was no way she could miss the blush-stained cheeks, stolen glances, accidental grazes, the extra attention given to the redhead. The same attention she had given him for over two damn years that was so clearly unreturned.

She was in love with her best friend. And he was in love with someone else.

Okay, Ochako. Time to be a big girl. You’re ready for this. You’ve been ready.

“Wow. Well, I don’t know much about dating or anything, but I think that’s great!” She willed her wooden cheeks to lift upwards.

Deku grinned up at her. His excited knees bounced, shaking the bench beneath them. “Yeah? And I think he might like me back too.”

She knew he liked him back. If Deku’s affections weren’t obvious enough, Kirishima was a Friday night firework show. “Really? So do you think you guys are gonna get together?”

“Together?” He started fanning his face with his hands. “Oh, maybe? I mean, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about it. Actually, there were a couple times I think he was maybe going to try to ask me out but got too nervous. He’s so cute. Or, I dunno. Maybe not? What do you think?”

“I think you two look good together. Kirishima’s a good guy.” She swallowed another mouthful of tasteless rice.

He gave her a grateful side hug. “I’m so glad I can talk about this with you.”

“Of course. You’re my best friend. You can talk to me about anything.” Her shoulders burned when he pulled away. She forced her mouth to split apart into something that resembled a smile.

Her throat was closing in on itself. The muscles in her face hurt. Time to make a graceful exit. “I’ll be right back, just gonna use the restroom.”

She tossed her half empty bowl into the trash. She wasn’t hungry anymore.

oo

Suddenly, Kirishima was hanging out with them more. A lot more. Every single goddamn day more. Which somehow meant Bakugou was too. Like a wolf on a leash, he followed Kirishima everywhere - studying, training, or eating, even if that meant also spending time with Deku.

She thought Kirishima was the one forever attached to Bakugou, but over time it was becoming apparent that it was the other way around. Uraraka wondered if that’s what true best friendship was supposed to be. Compromising. No, it was more than that. Sacrificing a bit of your own peace for their happiness.

He was just like her.

And then it hit her.

Maybe he was just like her in more ways than one.

oo

It was during lunch when she cornered Bakugou in a sparsely populated hallway.

“You know you don’t have to sit with us if you hate it so much.”

“I don’t hate it. And you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about so get outta my face.” He pushed past her to head back to the cafeteria.

“Oh, please. You’re so obvious.”

He stopped in his tracks. Her words came out much more biting than she expected or wanted. But irritation ate at her these days and there was little patience in her to deal with the blond’s bravado. 

He sighed heavily. “Whatever you think you know, you know nothing.”

“I’m just saying you don’t have to sit with us just because Kirishima’s there.”

That did it. It took him but a few strides to go face to face with her with a death stare. Inserting every bit of venom he could into each word, he snarled, “You. Know. Nothing.”

She knew she wasn’t being fair. Here she was, trying to force him to confront a pain he wanted so badly to bury deep down it never saw the light of day. As antagonistic as Bakugou could be sometimes, right now he was an innocent party. But she didn’t care. She wanted to see someone else hurt too. 

She gave a hard stare back. “Like I said. Obvious.”

A thousand unsaid feelings passed silently between them. After a long moment, he simply scoffed.

“Use your words,” she goaded him. Mean. She was being so mean. “What are you really thinking?”

“You know what, I could say the same thing about you. I’m not the only obvious one here. It’s been really fucking obvious for you for a long time.”

With feet planted on the ground and fists by her hips, she blinked and braced herself. She deserved this.

“I see through that fake smile of yours. I see how you wish it was you. You wish it was you he’d text late at night. You want to be the first one he reaches out to when he needs help. To be the person he thinks about every goddamn day because he can’t help himself. You want to be the reason he’s fucking alive. Because maybe you used to be. But definitely not anymore. And now. Now it’s too late. You did nothing, and it’s all your fault.”

As hard as she tried to keep loose and relaxed and uncaring, her body betrayed her. Her nails were cutting into her palms. The muscles in her throat tightened, making it hard to breathe. The tears started to trickle before she realized they were there. 

Happy now, Ochako? What did this get you? Nothing but a face full of tears and the most formidable guy in school bearing down on her with a sneer on his face. A million regrets bubbled in her lungs. She bit the corner of her lip as the emotions rushed through her without the words to explain them.

“It sucks because I know exactly how that feels,” he finished quietly.

Shouts and laughter echoed in the hallway as students began to return to class. It was a sharp contrast to their pity party bubble of angst and woe-is-me tragedy.

“Shit.” She made a few fruitless attempts to wipe away the tears with her sleeves but they kept coming. To hide her face, she turned towards the wall as much as she could without making it look unnatural. She put a hand on her hip to help her cause. Talking. They were just talking.

Bakugou brought his body in front of hers. Uncomfortably close. Him being so deep into her personal space sucked away the air around her, it was like she was suffocating. He positioned himself strategically to block her from view.

“What are you doing?” she whispered.

“You don’t want anyone to see right?”

She sniffed to unclog her nose. She didn’t deserve this olive branch after the way she treated him. All the same, she gave a tiny “thanks.”

“Forget it. It’s fine.”

oo

The next day, Mina approached her in class and asked the most flabbergasting question.

“Are you and Bakugou dating?” 

It threw her off so much, the following laugh and insistent repeating of “No no no. What? No way!” sounded fake even to her. 

Mina shot her a skeptical look and crossed her arms. “Are you suuure? Because I heard from someone who told someone who told me that you and he were kissing in the hallway near the cafeteria yesterday. Is that true?”

“You heard what?!” 

“You. Blasty. Muah.” Mina waggled her eyebrows.

No. No no no. Nope. This couldn’t be happening. She was freaking crying in the hallway, and someone thought they were kissing. The very notion made her frown in distaste. 

Mina pushed further. “We’re friends, you can tell me!”

Uraraka gave a sidelong glance at Deku who was looking right at her. Curiosity graced his face. Or was he jealous? Whatever he was feeling about this most unlikely situation, it was the most attention he had paid to her in weeks. And she was greedy for it.

She looked to Mina again.

“Um… We’re not official, anyway.”

The words came out without warning. All common sense went down the drain with the bathwater.

“I knew it!” Mina squealed.

Uraraka tried her best to backtrack. Waving her hands in front of her face, she insisted, “I mean we’re just talking!”

“Talking. Mmhmm. I get it. Say no more. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.” Mina made a motion as if zipping her lips, then pranced away with a skip in her step.

She looked at Deku again. He gave her a tight lipped smile and turned back around in his seat.

oo

As soon as Bakugou entered the classroom with Kirishima on his heels, she approached him.

“I need to talk to you,” she urgently whispered. Before he could respond, she grabbed a hold of his wrist and dragged him outside the classroom away from curious ears.

“What the fuck?” He ripped his arm from her grasp. “Use your words,” he mocked her from the day before.

“I messed up.”

“Confused, but also don’t see how this is my problem?” He rolled his eyes and started to walk back to the classroom.

“Wait. There’s something you need to know before you go in there!”

“Don’t wanna know. Don’t care.”

“Wait! Please!” 

The shrill desperation got his attention. He took a look at her panicked face and finally asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Well…” How was she supposed to tell him?

He growled in annoyance at her hesitation.

“I sort of… may have… said something to Mina that suggested…”

“Spit it out!”

“She thinks we’re a thing.” She waited with bated breath for his reaction.

He blinked once. Then twice. “She thinks we’re a what now?”

She gave a nervous laugh. “A thing. Like we’re, you know… Seeing each other?”

He rounded on her. “And how the fuck did she get that idea?”

“I don’t know! She said something about how people thought they saw us kissing yesterday?” 

He grimaced down at her. Clearly he thought the same about the situation. “Okay, well. This is really fucking annoying, but it can be dealt with. Just tell the truth. Now can we get to class?”

“Yeah, well… there’s more.”

He groaned. “How much more?”

She wrung her hands in front of her. “So, when I say I messed up… it’s because I didn’t exactly deny it.”

He threw his hands up in the air. “And why the hell not?”

“Because…”

“Goddamn it, will you just say it already?”

A lack of honesty got her in this mess in the first place. The image of Deku staring at her from across the room rematerialized in her head.

“Because it got Deku’s attention.” She let out one big breath with the effort of pushing that piece of information off her chest. “I’m so stupid! I hate feeling this way.” 

She paced back and forth, partially because of the nervousness, partially because she didn’t want to deal with looking at Bakugou’s reaction.

He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. “Alright, it’s fine. It’s fine! Calm the fuck down.” He grabbed her by the shoulders to get her to stop moving. “It’s not that big a deal. Hopefully it hasn’t spread around the class. We’ll squash it. So relax.” He was surprisingly level-headed through all of this. Like dealing with the pain of unrequited love mellowed him out.

She shook out her hands to get rid of the nerves.

“You good?”

She nodded.

They entered the classroom together.

Kaminari wolf-whistled a welcome to the two of them as Mina nudged him hard with her elbow. She gave Uraraka an apologetic look. She loved the girl, but Mina’s penchant for gossip could be excessive.

Uraraka looked to Bakugou for his reaction. His eyes were locked on Kirishima who was eyeing the two with interest.

Bakugou grabbed her hand, laced his fingers with hers, and gave a little squeeze. She squeaked in surprise and her cheeks reddened. He let go and went to his desk. He rested his chin on a fist, purposefully facing away.

Her brain short circuited.

“Uraraka, will you do us the pleasure of taking your seat so we can start class?” Aizawa’s tired drawl snapped her to attention.

“Sorry!”

She kept her eyes on the floor to avoid anyone’s gaze and half ran to her own seat at the back of the classroom. Some of his sweaty residue transferred to her palm. She wiped it on her skirt.

She texted him under her desk. “What happened to squashing it?”

He didn’t respond to her the rest of the day.

oo

“Hey, why didn’t you reply to me?” She barged into his room before anyone could see her outside his bedroom door, lest they fuel the fires of the rumors about them.

“No, come right on in. Fuck the concept of privacy.” He shut the door behind her as she stomped in and stood in the middle of the room, arms crossed. “What if I was naked or jacking off?”

“And what the hell was that about in the classroom?” she barreled through, ignoring his lewd question.

“Okay, guess she doesn’t give a fuck,” he muttered to himself.

“Answer the question!”

“It wasn’t anything!”

“Oh! Nothing, huh?! So, you just suddenly felt like holding my hand in front of Kirishima, did you?”

He gave a defeated shrug. “Nothing we can do about them now.”

“Nothing? Looks like you tried to do something.”

“Look, I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking. I just did it.”

She pursed her lips and recalled Kirishima’s face. Deku’s face. She knew exactly why. “It’s because it felt good, didn’t it?”

“What did?”

“To have their attention again.”

He remained silent.

“Didn’t it?!” she asked again, more urgently.

He shook his head. “This isn’t like you, Uraraka.”

Whether that was an insult or not, she let it roll off her shoulders. She knew she was acting out of character. Her haywire emotions were driving a hundred percent of this conversation, with none of the brain power.

“Well, didn’t it?” She still demanded an answer from him.

“Yeah! It did. It felt good!” he finally admitted. “But it doesn’t fucking matter. Nothing we do matters, because guess what? There’s one big fucking difference between us and them. They have something that’s real.”

She was struck by his willingness to give up so easily. “Why are you being like this?”

“It’s a losing battle. Even I can admit that much.”

She was in disbelief. “Who are you right now?”

“What the fuck do you want from me?!” He was defeated. It was a look unsuited for someone like Bakugou.

“Maybe I expected something else from you, I don’t know! Where’s the spark? Where’s the fire I’m so used to seeing from you? Aren’t you going to fight for him?!”

“It’s because I’m in fucking love with him that I’m not going to fight for him!” he roared down at her. One second he was across the room, the next he was violating her personal space. “Don’t you get it? The last thing I want to do is take away his happiness. I’m not going to ruin his relationship. And it’s with Deku of all people. You know how that’s going to look? I’m not going to be the villain in their story!”

She leaned up towards his face, challenging him, yelling back with just as much fervor. “I don’t give a fuck! I can’t stand it, I want to tear them apart! It eats at me every day seeing them together, because that should have been me. But it’s not! I want to destroy them. And I hate myself for thinking like this. I can’t stop thinking about it! I’m going… I’m going crazy!”

He took a breath. “And they call me the scary one.”

Feeling fatigued, she dropped to her knees on the floor in the middle of his room and buried her face in her hands. She wanted to cry again just to release this feeling from inside of herself, but she was all cried out.

“I didn’t really mean any of that,” she said quietly into her palms. “I’m just… I’m so sad. All the time. I want to stop being sad.”

He sat cross legged in front of her. He didn’t say anything. Surprisingly, his presence was comfort enough. It was a relief to get that off her shoulders. She was tired of holding all these horrible thoughts in. As shitty as she felt, it was nice having a confidante like this.

Suddenly, they heard the door to Kirishima’s room open and close with a bang. Two muffled voices could be heard. They both knew exactly who that was. They heard the squeak of the bed as they both got on it. An occasional laugh burst through the wall.

She didn’t realize she was holding her breath until she took one look at Bakugou’s sad eyes. She gasped. “I totally forgot. You sleep right next door.” She imagined the things Bakugou must have overheard. How haunted he must have felt. Would she have been able to handle it alone like he had all this time? “I’m so sorry.”

“Like I said. Losing battle.”

She felt like crying all over again, but for him this time.

“You don’t have to look at me like that. I’ve gotten used to drowning out the sound with my headphones.”

“I just feel so bad for you.” She reached out to take his hands in hers.

“Ew, stop that,” he said, but didn’t push her away. “Don’t feel bad for me when I feel bad for you.”

“Oh? Bakugou? Sympathetic? Never thought I’d see the day,” she joked.

He rolled his eyes. “I’m not a fucking troll. I can feel for other people.”

“I know, I know. Calm your tits,” she laughed.

“Calm my…” he shook his head in disbelief. “You’re even weirder than I thought.”

Boisterous laughter from next door interrupted them. It pulled them back to the sobering reality that brought them together in the first place.

“Wanna go to my room?” she offered.

“Ah…” he seemed to contemplate it for a moment. “Nah, it's cool. I’m a big boy. I can handle it.”

She gave a kind smile and squeezed his hands once more before letting go. “Alright. Well, my door is open if you need it. We can do homework there. You can crash on my floor too if this,” she gestured to the wall, ”ever gets too hard to deal with.”

He hesitated. Then conceded. “Sure.”

oo

The classroom for 3-A was a torture chamber. Lucky Bakugou had a seat near the front so he didn’t have to bear witness to the constant note passing and side glances between the two new lovers.

The ever present bitterness in her mouth was spreading like a disease and changing the way she thought of Deku. She was beginning to resent him. None of it was his fault. It was all her. She knew that. Deep seated frustration at herself led to this, but she felt it all the same.

By the time lunch rolled around, she was in an extremely foul mood.

“Oi! Uraraka, wait up!”

She inwardly groaned. All she wanted was the five minutes of solitude from the classroom to the cafeteria. Was that so hard to ask for?

“What do you want?” she barked at him when he caught up to her.

Bakugou recoiled in surprise. “Fuck, what’s got your panties in a bunch?”

“Asshole.” She rolled her eyes and sighed heavily. “What do you think?”

He grabbed her by the hand before they entered the cafeteria to stop her. She flung his hand off her. He was getting too used to doing that.

“Can you not?”

He ignored her. “Hey, what if we sit somewhere else today for lunch?”

“Somewhere… else?” She gave him a questioning look.

“Hear me out. You know the other day, when you said I didn’t have to sit with you all? Well, you’re right. I fucking don’t. And you don’t have to sit with Deku either.”

Not sit with Deku? Yes, she had said that, but to actually do it? The thought never honestly occurred to her. “So we just don’t show up?” 

“Yeah, that’s what I’m saying.”

“Sounds a little rude to me.”

“Who cares. They’ll probably be happy to be alone.”

Ouch. That hurt. She let out frustrated breath through her nostrils.

He stared down at her. Then smirked. “I got an idea.”

He took her by the hand. Again. She didn’t fight it this time, and he led her to an empty training room meant for sparring and close combat drills. The air was cold from being unused. He tossed his bag to the ground, shrugged off his blazer, and kicked off his shoes.

“Uh… what are you doing?”

He got into a fighting stance. “Come at me.”

This was unbelievable, and yet not totally off color for him to propose a spontaneous spar match. She crossed her arms. “I’m not going to fight you right now.” 

Out of nowhere, he lunged forward and threw that famous right hook of his. She barely had time to dodge and roll to avoid it.

“What the hell?!” She got up to toss aside her own blazer, pull off her tie, and kick off her shoes.

He belted out a laugh. “That’s my girl. Let’s go!”

His words spurred her to action.

“I’m not yours, so you don’t get to call me that!” she yelled to him. Suddenly, she was a flurry of kicks and punches. A few grazed him but none fully landed. Meanwhile, he danced around her, lightning quick on his feet. Fighting was second nature to him. If she was going to win, she had to switch her strategy. She fell back to a defensive position.

He eyed the way she slightly retreated. “Alright, I see you. Let’s have it your way then,” he taunted.

She figured she couldn’t keep chasing him around – he had to be on the offensive for her to even come close to getting a hit in. The thing was, she had to make sure she could evade his attacks at the same time. Her stature gave her an advantage, making her a smaller target.

Weave and dodge. Weave and dodge. Just like she was taught.

She had another significant advantage: he wasn’t dressed for this. Yeah, she was wearing a damn skirt, but that didn’t stop her from going all out. His baggy uniform pants on the other hand prevented him from being able to use his full range of motion.

And then she saw her opening.

He attempted a roundhouse kick. It was much slower than normal, most definitely caused by the restrictive material of his trousers. Before he could regain his footing, she dropped to the floor and swept his foot out from under him. He fell flat on his back and let out a wheeze as the wind got knocked out of him.

She scrambled over his body to pin him, hooking her arm around his neck and pulling up, and then distributed as much weight as she could to her feet to keep his legs down.

“Tap out,” she said. 

He thrashed for a bit, to no avail. His breathing stuttered.

“Tap out!” she repeated, more insistently.

Knowing he was beat, he double tapped her arm in surrender. She rolled off him. They both lay with their backs against the floor, heaving from the sudden work out. 

“Close combat is what I do,” she said, high from victory.

After catching his breath, he said, “Your offense needs work. You need to be faster.”

She rolled onto her side to look at him incredulously. “I just beat you.”

He raised an eyebrow at her.

She was taken aback. “Wait, you didn’t let me win did you?”

“Tch. Hell no. You won that fair and square. I was distracted, you found a weakness, and you got me. I’m just saying, take the advice.” He folded his arms behind his head as a makeshift headrest. “Anyway, is it out of your system?”

“Uh, what?”

“Whatever was making you so damn crabby. Hopefully your feelings for that loser Deku got knocked out of you.”

Her eyes widened at his sass. “Hey! That’s not a very nice thing to say.” She let out a long sigh. “Even when I’ve won, why do I feel like I’ve lost with you?” She sat up and noticed her ripped tights. Just great. Well, there was one thing that could make her feel better.

“Loser pays for lunch?” she suggested.

He gave her a look of disdain as she batted her eyelashes up at him. “Whatever.”

“Yay!” She clapped her hands in glee.

With half of their lunch period left, they gathered their things to head to the cafeteria. Just their luck, as they opened the door to the training room, Mina happened to be there on the other side.

She took one look at them and grinned. “What were you two doing in there?”

Crumpled clothes. Ripped tights. Disheveled hair. Sweaty bodies. It didn’t look good.

“We were fucking, got a problem with that?” Bakugou growled at her with hands shoved in his pockets.

Uraraka’s eyes widened. “Damn it, really?!” She smacked him with her bag. “Don’t listen to him. We were just sparring.”

“Sparring. Right.” Mina winked at them and started to walk away. “Your secret is safe with me.”

Uraraka looked up at Bakugou who was grinning at her like mad. She huffed and stomped away from him.

“Aw, c’mon. Who cares what they think?” he called to her.

She spun around, walking backwards. “I do! So now you owe me lunch for the whole week for that. And dessert!”

As they walked to the cafeteria together, she actually looked forward to eating lunch.

oo

The silence was stifling in the library study room. Nowadays, it was a rare moment when it was just them two. They rarely ate lunch alone, much less studied together, and forget training altogether. It was awkward. Nothing but pencil scratching and the occasional page turn.

It was Deku who broke the silence. “So. You and Kacchan, huh?”

“Mm.” It was the most minimal a response she could give without outright lying.

“How did that happen?”

She put her pencil down. Giving it some thought, she selected her words carefully. “I guess I was going through a really stressful time for a little while. He was there for me.”

He perked up in alarm. “What? How come you didn’t tell me? What happened?”

“Oh,” she hesitated. “It’s nothing now, don’t worry about it.” 

“It’s nothing with family right? Is everything okay?”

“Really! It’s fine now. It’s not family. I was just stressed out.” There’s no way she would tell him that he was the source of all her troubles.

“Right. Okay.” He saw that she didn’t want to delve further and pursed his lips. It looked like frustration. 

“I could have been there for you too,” he said regretfully. 

“I mean. It’s fine. You’re with Kirishima now. I can’t expect you to be there for me all the time.” She added as an afterthought, “Like how it used to be.”

“But I’m still your friend. I’m a little sad you feel like you can’t come to me for things anymore.” That was a surprise. Was he missing her too? If that was the case, why only show it now? It made her… angry.

“Well, it’s not like you’ve been coming to me for help either. This is our first study session with just us two in how long?”

“Has it been that long?” he mused. Did being in a relationship mess with a person’s ability to sense time? It had been nearly two months. Less and less could she understand him. Where once she could read every micro facial expression he made, she now struggled to fully comprehend the meaning behind his words.

“I mean we’ve hung out, but Kirishima’s usually around.”

His eyebrows jumped up. “Do you… Do you not like Ei?”

She flinched at the nickname. “Of course I do! It’s not that at all.” What was she supposed to say? Of course I like him, just not when he’s with you? She had to put it delicately. “I just have a hard time with change, I guess.”

“I’d say dating Kacchan qualifies as pretty big change,” he muttered under his breath.

She could hear the animosity in his voice and she furrowed her brows. What the hell. So she had to be okay with Kirishima being everywhere they went, but now he’s passing judgment on who she sees? Not that they were actually seeing each other, but that was completely beside the point.

“Do you not approve of me going out with him? Because I don’t need your approval.”

He balked. “That’s not it! You can date whoever you want. It’s just… surprising? Forgive me, but I don’t really get it. You were barely even friends before and now you’re… this? Whatever you are?”

“Whatever we are is none of your business.” She was being petty, but she wanted protection, to prevent herself from being hurt any more by him.

“What? Of course it’s my business, you’re my friend. I’m worried about you. You start dating, and suddenly you’re not around anymore. He better be treating you right.”

She felt herself getting flustered with annoyance. “He’s actually more than good to me. But if you’d actually paid attention to me, you would know that.” 

“Ochako, where is all this coming from?” Hearing her name from his lips used to be a godsend but today it felt like a slap in the face. “I’m just trying to understand. I mean, why are you even with him?”

“Because!” She felt hot tears spill over. “Because he helps me forget!”

Fuck, she shouldn’t have said that. But it was too late. Her chest was hurting, rib cage cracking open to let everything spill out.

“Forget what? Ochako, why won’t you talk to me?”

Why wouldn’t he stop saying her name?

“You don’t have to know everything about my life. And now that I’m doing something you clearly don’t understand, suddenly you care?”

“Damn it, Ochako. I don’t want to fight you about this!” Tears were starting to appear at the corners of his eyes too. “Not this...”

She couldn’t take it anymore.

She snapped her book shut. “Let’s call it a night.”

“That sounds like a good idea.” He gathered his items quickly and crammed them into his bag.

She stared at his retreating back. This is what she wanted, wasn’t it? For him to fight for her? Why did this feel so wrong?

oo

There was an unexpected knock on her door late that night. It was Bakugou. He had tired eyes.

She started to ask, “Are they–”

“Can I stay here tonight?” he interrupted her.

She opened the door wider for him to enter. “Of course.”

She pulled the extra comforter and sheets from her closet and made a makeshift futon on the floor next to her bed. Once the spread for him was done, she laid across it like a starfish.

“Ah, this feels nice!”

He snorted. “You’re fucking weird. Now get the hell off. That’s my bed.”

She scrambled up and jumped onto her mattress. She observed him as he got comfortable. He settled himself under her sheets and fluffed the pillow before resting his head. His dark clothes and scowling face was an amusing mismatch with the cartoon smiling clouds, suns, and moons on her pink sheets. 

She started to giggle to herself. “You look funny.”

“You don’t think I could rock the pink? That’s fucking sexist.”

She laughed harder. “Also, sorry if it’s not as nice as sleeping in your own bed.”

“It’s fine. At least it’s… quiet.”

Her heart lurched and halted her laughter. “I see.”

She soaked in the silence. With nothing left to say, she said good night. When he grunted in response, she turned her bedside light off.

oo

“Are you awake?” she asked the dark.

The sheets rustled. “Yeah.”

“Are you okay?”

He didn’t answer for a long time. She considered turning on the electric fan so there could be some white noise to cut through the emptiness. She turned over to face the wall and closed her eyes. He probably didn’t want to talk about it.

“I’m doing my best. It’s just so fucking hard sometimes.”

Her eyes shot open again. “Mm.” She knew that feeling well. She turned back around to face him and ask, “Have you ever thought about confessing?”

She could make out his form on the floor next to her. He was laying on his back staring up at the ceiling.

“I’m not bothering him with that shit.”

“A bother.” She laughed bitterly. “I guess we’re just bothers to them now.”

“Damn, that’s really harsh. You’re just showing all these weird sides of yourself I’ve never seen before.”

“Same to you! I never thought I’d use the word ‘soft’ to describe you, but here we are.”

He snorted. “Anyway, yeah. I’m not gonna say a fucking thing. Not gonna lose him as a friend too.”

“Don’t you want peace of mind?”

“Well, what about you? And your peace of mind, or whatever.”

It was her turn to be silent. She finally admitted, “We got into a fight today.”

“Oh, now that makes a lot of sense.”

“What makes you say that?”

“I couldn’t sleep because Deku was fucking crying through the wall.”

A sense of guilt rushed through her after hearing the news. “Shit. Really?”

“What you fight about?”

Oh, the irony. “We fought about you.”

“Me? Why me?”

“He doesn’t like me dating you.” She hummed to consider the statement more. “No wait, that’s wrong. It’s more like he’s confused by it.”

“What’s not to get?” he grumbled. “How is us dating any more weird than him and Eijirou dating?”

“Besides the fact that we’re not really dating?”

He ignored her question. “He think I’m not good enough for you or something? I’ll show that motherfucker.”

“Anyway!” she cut him off before he could rant more. Their rivalry knew no bounds. “I told him he had no business approving who I decide to go out with.”

“You’re damn right it’s none of his fucking business.”

She smacked him over the head with her pillow. He sat up quickly to glare at her and she stuck her tongue out at him.

She placed her pillow back under her head and sighed. “I dunno. I used to be able to read him so well. Nowadays, he feels more like a stranger. To be honest, it’s not even about love or dating or whatever anymore. I just want my best friend back. I want things to be how they used to be.”

He folded his arms on the edge of her bed and rested his chin. “Hate to break it to you, but that’s what happens when people get into relationships. They spend less time with you.”

She knew that. That didn’t mean she had to like it. “You make it sound like you’re used to it already.”

“Not used to it. But I know what I’m in for. I’m not going to sit pretty and pretend like things are going to be the same. They’re not.”

“You’re right. They’re not.” She had to acknowledge it. They were getting older. People change. Relationships change. She and Deku weren’t immune to the march of time.

He laid back down and there was another long stretch of silence. She wasn’t sure if he fell asleep, but she asked a question that had been on her mind as of late. “So what are we gonna do about everyone thinking we’re dating?”

“Let ‘em think whatever the fuck they want.”

“But we’re not dating! And you’re not helping. Like, at all.”

“Think of it as an arrangement of convenience then,” he suggested.

Okay, now that intrigued her. “What do you mean?”

“You and I hanging out. Me coming in and out of your room. It’ll be a lot easier for us to do what we want to do if people think we’re together or whatever. And we don’t have to explain ourselves to them. Not that we have to in the first place.”

She mulled over his argument. And as ridiculous as this whole situation was, he was making some sense. “I suppose you make a good point. I mean, the alternative is airing out our dirty laundry.”

“Exactly. And these nosy fuckers, you know how they are, they won’t leave us alone otherwise. And I’m not saying we come out in front of everyone and make a fucking announcement about it. I’m just saying we don’t have to fight the rumors.”

This shit was crazy. But she found herself agreeing with him. It was settled.

“Okay then,” she confirmed. “I’m in.”

oo

She opened her door first to make sure the coast was clear before Bakugou headed back to his own room. Even though they agreed to this fake dating nonsense, it didn’t hurt to still be cautious. A teacher could be roaming the hallway, after all.

Just as he was exiting through the doorway, he turned to her. “Last night was nice. Really fuckin’ sad. But nice.”

“Yeah. It was.” She couldn’t help but agree. “We’re pathetic. But at least we can be pathetic together, huh?”

He scoffed lightly, with no bite to it.

Suddenly, right there in her doorway, he pulled her into a hug. As she started to pull away, his arms wound tighter. It was so different from the flimsy ones she would get from Deku, like he was afraid of hurting her. Maybe that’s why Kirishima was so suited for him: he was unbreakable.

Bakugou hugged with the full force of his body. That’s what was so interesting about him — you could either handle him or you couldn’t, but that was on you because he gave his all no matter what. It was reassuring to feel his sturdy frame, especially when these days she felt so blubbery and wishy washy and unsteady. For those few seconds, he gave her relief.

When he finally let go, she felt relaxed, as if she had just gotten a massage.

“See you in class.” He turned and walked around the corner to his own room.

For the first time in a long while, when she thought of Deku she didn’t feel so lonely.

oo

He came back to her room the next night.

“Deku’s over again,” he explained. This time he had his own pillow and blanket in hand.

“You don’t have to explain anything to me. I meant what I said. Open door. Also,” she pointed at his items, “my stuff not good enough for you?”

He tossed his belongings onto his claimed space on the floor. She had yet to put away his spread from the night before. “It’s good. It’s even better with mine.” 

“Better together,” she murmured.

“What’s that now?”

“Ah, nothing!” She grinned widely, and settled onto his blanket on the ground. “It’s still a little early, wanna watch some TV?”

He squinted at the small digital alarm clock on her nightstand. “The fuck. It’s ten o’clock already. What time do you sleep?”

“Um. Later than ten? Ten’s so early!”

“Ten’s fucking late.”

“But… but it’s Friday night!”

“Yeah. Got a long weekend ahead of me for training.”

She let out an exasperated sigh. “Do you ever stop working?”

“Number one doesn’t stop working.”

She rolled her eyes. “Okay. I get that. But everyone needs a break. Number one or not.”

“Okay, so everything you just said? Fucking lies.”

“C’mon. Just one episode?” She patted the open spot on the floor next to her. 

He pointed a finger in her face. “Just. One.” He dropped to the floor and folded his arms in fake defiance.

She cheered with her hands in the air.

They pulled an all nighter and binged an entire season. He made her breakfast the next morning. Then forced her to train with him. She nearly died. And she was better for it.

oo

Bakugou was spending nearly every night in Uraraka’s room.

According to him, he liked the peace.

But this particular night, he was tossing and turning on the ground, unable to sleep. And therefore, she was unable to sleep.

After his tenth annoyed sigh, she finally asked, “What’s wrong?”

“You spend a few weeks sleeping on the floor. My back fucking hurts.”

She hummed an acknowledgment. “Don’t take this weird or anything but… you can sleep up here if you want. It’s a big bed. We can put a pillow in between us if that makes you more comfortable.”

He sat up abruptly. “I’m not a fucking kid.” He tossed his pillow and blanket up onto the mattress as she scooted over. His body ran hot. She felt his energy radiating all the way from her side of the bed.

She lay frozen flat on her back in the most neutral position she could muster. She didn’t want to come off rude if she turned over, but the thought of sleeping while facing him was too intimate. This was weird. Was it? Her mind was racing.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Uh, nothing.”

“Relax, I’m not gonna do anything to you.”

That’s not what she was worried about. She trusted him. Him and his chiseled body. On her bed. Next to her. Nope. No. Not weird at all. This was fine.

“I am relaxed,” she insisted.

“You fucking liar. I can see how tense you are.”

She turned her head to see him on his side looking right at her, his face just a foot away.

“Turn around,” he said.

She eyed him with suspicion. Yes, she trusted him, but it was a strange request. “Why?”

“I’m not gonna do anything weird. Just do it.”

She rolled over, her back facing him.

His hands went to her shoulders. His thumbs started to knead the muscles and worked their way down her spine. All the tension in her body released.

“Oh wow,” she breathed. “That feels so good.”

It was, for lack of a better word, orgasmic. She fell asleep with his hands at her back.

oo

If she was having trouble with a new power move, he’d come in and fix her stance, timing, precision. If she needed help with homework, he had the answers like he was a walking cheat sheet. If she mused about the merits of mochi over every other dessert ever, he’d humor her with his own arguments. If she fell asleep during a Friday night binge marathon, she’d wake up in her bed with the lights turned off for her, him settled next to her.

Bakugou was the remedy for everything.

He disagreed.

“Dunno why you asked me. You had it all along, Uraraka,” he’d tell her.

At the same time, it was weird to not have her best friend around anymore. She didn’t need Deku anymore like she thought she did. But she did miss him.

oo

It was a few weeks later when Deku finally approached her after class.

“Ochako, can we talk?”

As usual, she was with Bakugou. The two looked at Deku, nervously gripping the straps of his backpack.

“You good?” Bakugou asked.

She looked up at him and gave him a reassuring smile. “Yeah I’ll be fine.”

He took her hand and squeezed as he leaned forward to whisper in her ear, “Meet you in your room later.” His words tickled her ear. Then he gave her a pat on the head before heading to the dorm.

She was pretty sure he was trying to be comforting to her in the moment, but it only added to her nervousness as Deku observed them from where he stood.

“This way, if that’s cool?” Deku led. She silently followed. They took refuge under the shade of an isolated tree. A chilly wind stroked its way through tree’s branches sending the leaves into a frenzy as they thrashed against each other making it sound like a rain shower without the water.

He spoke first. “I’m sorry. I was out of line.”

She was ready to keep her heart hardened, but his immediate apology melted her. “Me too. I was being selfish.”

He put his hands on her shoulders. “I was being selfish too. I thought I’d always have you around. I took you for granted. And then when you weren’t there, and you were by Kacchan’s side instead. It made me mad, but that was so stupid of me. You don’t belong to me. You’re your own person. I guess my insecurities over him having everything I ever wanted started to take over. You were my first friend here at UA. You were mine, not his. And that’s so fucked up, I know! But I couldn’t help myself.”

“Deku, I like you!” she interrupted him.

His runaway train of blabbering came to a screeching halt. Wide eyes peered down at her and he dropped his hands from her shoulders. “You… You what?”

“I… Well, actually. I thought I did anyway.” She was processing her feelings, live and in the moment with him. “But I’ve come to realize, that if I really truly felt that way about you, I wouldn’t have treated you like that. Maybe what I felt was just a deep admiration. And some possessive feelings too. It was hard to let you go a little bit.”

“Yeah, we both said things we didn’t mean. Or, maybe it was the way they were said. But there was some truth to them, too.”

“A lot of truth,” she acknowledged.

“I think…” he hesitated. “I think a part of me knew how you felt for me.”

Why did that not surprise her? He was the most perceptive person she’d ever met.

He continued, “You were hurt and I took advantage of that. I thought you’d always be by my side no matter what. It made me feel wanted. Like I could have both you and Ei at the same time. Which is why I guess I was so confused by everything with you and Kacchan. Because yeah, I was jealous of him. And that’s so unfair of me. ”

She was struck by his candor. So he was jealous. And yet, hearing this didn’t make her happy. What it did offer her was clarity on the situation, and gave her the confidence to say what she said next. “And I was jealous of you and Kirishima. Even though I know how good you are together. My feelings got in the way. As long as he makes you happy, then I’m happy.”

She gave him a smile. A real one. “And that’s the fucking truth,” she added.

“Kacchan’s rubbing off on you.” He let out a hearty laugh. “Speaking of which… Does he make you happy?”

The question surprised her, but it was easy to answer. “Yeah. Yeah, he does. I don’t know how to explain. Spending all this time with him, he’s exactly what you’d expect. And yet, he’s so, so different. I always thought I understood him. And I think I do. But he also surprises me all the time. There are just so many layers to unpeel, he’s fascinating. I dunno if any of this makes sense? Does that sound weird to say?”

He had a knowing smile on his face. “Um. What it sounds like is you got it bad, Ochako.”

“Eh?!” Her hands went to her cheeks. “I mean, when he’s around, I feel at ease. And I guess he challenges me, too. In a good way. But that’s it, really! We’re just taking things slow.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “Well… If he makes you happy, that’s all that matters.”

“He does!” she laughed. After a brief moment, she tentatively asked, “Friends?”

He gave her a soft smile. “Always.”

“Good.”

And suddenly, things felt like they were going to be okay.

It was shameful how bad of a friend she had been. Friends didn’t have ulterior motives or secretly hoped their relationships failed.

Things wouldn’t be the same between them. But that was okay. They didn’t have to be the same. Different was okay. Different was good.

oo

When she entered her room, Bakugou was already there. There were two bowls of ramen on her table for dinner. The sight warmed her heart.

She plopped down on the floor across the table from him, and he immediately noticed her change in demeanor. “Well aren’t you a big ol’ fucking ray of sunshine. What did you end up talking about?”

She beamed up at him. “We made up.”

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. “And how did that go?”

“Good. More than good.” She paused, twirling a long strand of her hair bashfully. “I told him how I felt.”

“Oh shit,” he breathed out. He started to fold up his blanket on her bed. “Maybe I should leave.”

She stood up to block his path and prevent him from moving any further. “Wait, no. What are you doing? Stay!”

“I dunno, isn’t this weird? It feels fucking weird.”

“Deku and I are friends. That’s it. Whatever happens between me and him doesn’t change anything between you and me. Besides, I didn’t tell him about us. Or how there’s not an us. Gah, you know what I mean.”

She also left out the glaring observation Deku had about her “having it bad” for Bakugou. She’d keep that to herself for now.

He dropped the blanket to the bed again. “If you say it’s okay, then I believe you.”

“That ramen smells so good!” she complimented, and sat back down again. The two ate with a random TV show on in the background.

“So… how are you and Kirishima?” she asked as she piled the noodles onto her spoon and slurped then up in one gulp.

“What about him? Things are… the same. He talks about Deku. I go along with it and listen and pretend I’m a good friend.”

She pointed her spoon at him. “You are a good friend.”

“Whatever.”

“Do you think about telling him how you feel?”

“Things are just the fucking same. Same shit every day. Just because you were able to do it doesn’t make it easy for me to do it!” He slammed his chopsticks down on the table.

She carefully placed her chopsticks down and her spoon into her bowl. She slid across the floor around the table to sit next to him. She didn’t know what else to do but put her arms around him and try to squeeze the sadness out of him.

“That’s not what I was trying to say. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pressured you.” She needed to be more sensitive. In a way, she and Bakugou were different now too. The best she could do was speak on behalf of herself and not assume anything for him.

He shifted his body. She scooted back to give him room, thinking he was trying to get out of her grip. Instead, he snaked his arms around her waist and buried his face into her neck.

“Can we just stay like this for a while?” he whispered.

“As long as you need.” She put her arms back around him.

She was supposed to be comforting him. But she couldn’t help but think about how nicely their bodies fit together.

oo

He strolled into her room, late night snacks and drinks in hand. One look at her and he stopped in his tracks.

She was in the middle of opening the window when she saw him frozen in her doorway. “What are you doing? Get in here!” She walked over to him to take the food out of his hands and put it on the table.

“What are you wearing?”

She looked down at her sleeping ensemble of short shorts and a crop top. “It’s getting really hot!” Was this too much? Or rather, too little? Was she getting too comfortable around him? “Sorry, maybe I should change.”

“No!” he yelled.

She jumped a bit, startled by his sudden reaction.

He coughed. “I mean, it’s fine. You’re fine. I’m just… Yeah.” He laid down on the far side of the bed and turned away from her. “Night.”

“Wait, aren’t we going to work on the essay for Present Mic’s class?” She was confused. That’s why he went down to the kitchen to get snacks in the first place.

“I’m tired!” he barked at her, then pulled the sheets over his head.

That was really weird.

oo

Finally! Friday night!

She was getting ready to set up another binge marathon. And like every Friday, she would have to convince him to watch. Sometimes he put his foot down because of training or whatever. And she totally understood. But hopefully, this would not be one of those nights.

As per usual, he walked into her room without knocking.

As per not usual, he tore off his shirt and threw it onto the back of her chair before settling into his seat next to her.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Getting ready for bed?” he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“No. I mean, yes. I mean…” she pointed at his discarded shirt he had tossed onto the back of her chair.

“Oh.” He looked down at himself and shrugged. “Like you said the other day, it’s getting hot.”

There was a tickly feeling in her chest and stomach. Is this what he felt too?

oo

She tried to mimic the same feeling with her other friends. Even with tight huggers like Mina, something felt off.

She craved another Bakugou hug. Not just anyone would do. It had to be him.

He was ahead of her, heading off for his afternoon internship shift. She wouldn’t be able to see him until late that night, if not the next day if she fell asleep before he got back. She needed it now.

She rushed forward and grabbed him by the elbow. At first, he wrestled from her grip but when he turned to see it was her his expression softened and he stopped walking. Without a word, she wrapped her arms around his middle, burying her face into him. His arms wound themselves around her automatically.

“What happened? What’s wrong?”

She was feeling bashful. He wasn’t really her boyfriend, damn it! What was she doing?

“Nothing,” she mumbled. What was she supposed to say?

He craned his neck down to try to look her in the face. “It’s okay, you can tell me.”

She evaded his gaze, burying her face deeper into his clothes. “It’s nothing. Really.”

“People are looking at us,” he warned.

“Don’t care anymore,” she said into his shoulder.

“This fucking girl,” he chastised. Despite his minor scolding, his cheek came to rest at the crown of her head. Her arms wrapped themselves even tighter around his waist.

She could hear the whispers around them. It didn’t matter to her if it was supposed to be fake.

And for the first time, or maybe the first time she truly acknowledged it… she wanted it to be real. 

oo

It was the middle of the night when she woke up and felt his breath against the back of her neck. He had his arm around her waist.

She wondered how often they slept touching the other, both waking up none the wiser. Maybe she held him in her sleep too, reaching out unconsciously for his comfort. Because being around him made her better. He made her realize that her world didn’t begin and end with someone else. It began and ended with her and only her. She didn’t need anyone to make her feel worthy of love. She just was.

But what was she to him? Was she just a friend? Was she something more? She turned over under his arm. They were so close she could breathe in his breaths if she wanted to.

She wanted to.

Her shifting around shook him awake and he caught her staring at him.

“Hey,” he whispered. “What are you doing awake? Why do you look like you’re gonna cry?”

She wasn’t ready to spill, so she just shook her head at him.

His hands came up to cup her face. She could have melted into her bedsheets.

“What are you doing?” her small voice asked.

“Gonna catch your tears.”

She had to have him.

She closed the gap first, bringing her lips to his. His hands on her face tensed up, and she froze, waiting for him to recoil from her. But then he relaxed. And his mouth moved against her, first with a tentative peck. Then he kissed her deeper and deeper and deeper.

He bit down on her lip gently and it set her body ablaze. Her chest hurt as all her pent up feelings for him poured out of her. He was lava flow destruction and she stood in his path ready to be mowed over by him.

He slid himself across her bed to push his body fully into hers against the wall behind her. Her legs tangled with his to bring them even closer together as she slid her hands under his shirt, stroking the skin on his back. He pulled back from her briefly to take a breath, and then he dove back into her, licking a stripe across her lips.

She rolled him over so that she was on top, her legs cradled in between his muscular thighs as she rested her chest on him. She licked down into his mouth, and he responded with a delicious groan that she ate up.

“I’ve been wanting this for so long,” she whispered.

He grabbed her by the shoulders and forcefully pushed her up off him. Wild eyes searched her face. “I’m not going to be your replacement.”

“What?” She realized how he could have taken what she said the wrong way. “You’re not! You’re not.”

“I can’t.” He was shaking his head in disbelief over what had just occurred. What they were doing. “I can’t fucking do this.”

He pushed her away from him completely and slid off her bed. Instantly, his side of the mattress felt cold.

She sat up and threw off her sheets, ready to leap out and stop him. “Wait, let me explain. Let’s talk about it!”

After a few months of practically living in her room, his belongings were strewn about everywhere. She watched him as he grabbed whatever of his things he could find – his pillow from her bed, jacket from the back of her chair, video game on the floor, towel off the door hook.

She stood from the bed and grabbed him by the hem of his shirt. “Bakugou, please! Listen to me!”

“I need space, Uraraka!” There was a tone of finality in his voice that stunned and pacified her into immediately letting go of him.

He stumbled out of her room in a hurry and left her with a feeling she hadn’t felt in a long time.

Empty.

oo

She spent the rest of the week sleeping alone.

oo

Uraraka was back at square negative one.

At some point, he entered her room to collect all his things without her knowing. She didn’t own a lot of stuff to begin with, so his presence was noticeably missing. She had gotten used to seeing his school work stacked neatly next to hers on her desk, the towel he kept on her nightstand to wipe the sweat off his palms, the way orange so nicely complemented the pink on her sheets. Now, it was all negative space in her mind.

But there was one thing he couldn’t take with him. His smell. It was everywhere. As soon as she entered her room after a long day, it invaded her senses. It was another reminder of how close he used to be.

At lunch, she didn’t want to be the third wheel to Deku and Kirishima. She hadn’t sat with anyone else in so long, trying to hang out with any of her other classmates felt awkward. Plus, she really didn’t feel like answering anyone’s intrusive questions about her love life.

Somehow, she found herself back at the same training room where she and Bakugou first sparred together when all of this began. It was dark. She didn’t know what else she expected.

She sat on the floor, pulled out her curry croquette, and finished it with solemn bites.

oo

She was doing her homework when his name lit up her phone.

Talk outside?

She considered the request, turning her phone over in her hand several times before grabbing her sweater and heading downstairs.

oo

She waited for him at the bench behind the dorm. She took the edge, giving him the choice to sit on the far side if he wanted to. Based on the late hour, he must have gotten back from his internship patrol not too long ago. 

And then she saw him rounding the building. That unmistakable burst of ashy blond she loved so much. Would she ever feel it between her fingers or on her cheek again?

She took heartbreak before. She can do it again. And again.

She could. She could. She could. She had to.

As expected, he took the far edge. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

As she didn’t expect, he stood back up again, fiddled with his fingers, tapped his foot. Bakugou was lots of things, but fidgety was not one of them. He walked a few paces away so he was off the paved cement and slightly onto the dirt under one of the trees. Suddenly, he spun around.

“I talked to Eijirou.”

Her eyes widened. “Y-you did?”

He nodded. “I told him.”

“Did you now?” Her chest tightened and her breath felt short. This was not a conversation she expected to have tonight.

“Yeah.”

“What did you tell him exactly?”

“Everything.”

“Oh. Exactly how much…” She stopped herself. It wasn’t her place. She wrung her hands in her lap. She redirected. “How does it feel?”

“Weird. Lighter. Or something.”

“I know that feeling.” It was relief, the emotion she felt after her own talk with Deku. She steeled herself to say what she said next. “Cool. So now he knows you love him.”

His mouth was set in a hard line. She looked away. She couldn’t handle seeing his facial expressions with what she knew was coming. For a split second, she remembered Deku and how he looked when he told her he liked Kirishima. She could take it again, but she didn’t want to.

“Loved.”

Her gaze snapped back to him.

He looked at her purposefully. “He knows I used to love him. And he thanked me. And we agreed to stay friends.”

Her heart stuttered. She was hanging onto every word, trying to process what he was saying. So many implications, and not enough confirmations.

“When I found out he loved someone else, fucking Deku of all people, I thought that was it. The only person who could ever accept me was gone. I didn’t think anyone else could give a damn about me.”

She would do anything to make him feel wanted. “I do,” she insisted. “I give a damn.”

The left corner of his mouth lifted. “I know. That’s why I’m such a fucking idiot.”

Was this happening? Was this really, truly happening to her?

“I don’t know when I started to feel like this. You… You’ve been right in front of me this whole time. I’m…”

He stopped, trying to find the words. “I want to be the best at everything I thought was worth my time — school, training, internships. But people? You know me. I’m not good at people. Because I didn’t see them worth my time, so I didn’t try. But for some reason, I’m good with you.” He paused, and she saw his bottom lip quiver just a bit. Her fingers ached to run across it, but she gave him space to keep talking.

He continued, “I don’t have to pretend or work at feeling like I’m somebody around you. You don’t shit on my personality. You don’t try to make me someone I’m not. I already feel like I’m the best when I’m with you.”

He brought his forearm to his face as a sob choked out of him. She gazed at him through her own watery eyes.

“Fuck, I’ve missed you so fucking much. If I think of not having you next to me, just the thought… I go crazy. I’d fight to the death for you and fuck what anyone else thinks. Only if it’s you.”

He moved slowly. Deliberately. Every step he took towards her was a response to every question he had about her, and all of the answers were “yes.” Yes to feeling something for her. Yes to wanting her. Yes to being at her side.

When he finally sat next to her, he pressed his forehead to hers, holding her face in his hands. She whimpered at his touch.

His lips hovered over hers and she spoke over them like he was siphoning the words out of her.

“I don’t want to make the same mistake I did back then,” she confessed. Her hands came up to rest on his shoulders. She rubbed her palms on them. “So please believe me when I tell you that I like you. I like you a lot. I like you so much.”

“I believe you. I believe you,” he repeated.

She continued, “When I’m with you, all I think about is you. How good you make me feel. How much better you make me. Your presence just takes over me. I wanna be with you, so bad.”

“Me too. Oh god, me too.” He clenched his eyes shut, hands stroking her cheeks. “I wanna be with you, Ochako. You’re the only one I wanna be with.”

Her arms wound around his neck, to pull him close and never let go. He pressed down on her, lips eager to slide against hers. She closed her eyes as he kissed her and felt his mouth turn up in a smile. He pulled back and placed a smattering of joyful kisses around her face, relishing in the moment.

“My girl,” he said.

“Your girl.” She rubbed her nose against his.

“Your room?”

She gave him an excited nod and grabbed his hand. Their restless hearts hammered as they thundered up the four floors to her bedroom.

“Oh wait, gimme a sec,” he said as they reached her door. He gave her a peck on her forehead and disappeared down the hallway to his room.

A few minutes later, he met her inside, pillow and blanket in hand. He dropped them onto their rightful place: her bed. He laid down with his arms open, and she fell right into him, perfectly placed against his chest.

Her empty room didn’t need more things to make it feel full. She had everything she needed in her arms, breathing against her. 

He was exactly where he was supposed to be.

Filling up the negative space in her room with his light.