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The First Winter
"Where is the weretiger, Dazai-san?"
The very first time Akutagawa heard the predicament, he wanted to laugh.
"Sleeping beautifully."
The usual routine of information and fact exchange within the two organizations had Nakajima Atsushi and Akutagawa Ryuunosuke as its participants. Yet, why did Dazai-san come instead of the weretiger?
Dazai-san provided him the necessary documents without much comment. Akutagawa couldn't care less about his former mentor. There's nothing much to say about the past that haunted you except to stare at it and convince yourself it wasn't your fault it happened.
"Say, Akutagawa, do you want to visit him?"
*
"Atsushi, I beg of you."
Atsushi walks.
He trudges along the streets of Yokohama with no people in sight.
No single trace of life.
But somehow, he feels the warm presence beside.
He can't touch it, but his skin is certainly warm despite the snow falling from the sky.
The Second Spring
They crossed paths eventually under the blossoming trees of April. Pink leaves dancing with the wind, together with mirth in the atmosphere.
The weretiger was licking ice cream with Kyouka, Akutagawa's heart, traitorous as it was to his mind, urged him to join them.
"Akutagawa?"
He didn't even blink for a minute, and here he was, before the weretiger and his former subordinate. They were sitting on a park bench, cone and crepe in hand.
There was some relief Akutagawa didn't expect by the absence of hostility in the weretiger's voice. But war, conflict and all those trifling things were of the past, perhaps...
"Is it delicious?" He asked, and Ryuunosuke, you're fucking dumb.
He glanced at the sweet treat only to veer away from the violet-yellow irises staring at him.
"You haven't tried it before?" Weretiger asked, good, at least there's another fucking dumb overtaking my place.
"My coughs don't allow me." Akutagawa just explained because they were both past the age of squabbling over trivial matters.
"Here, try this one." The weretiger pulled out a sealed ice cream from his side. Akutagawa's lips twitched in confusion, searching for an explanation.
"I always have an extra."
Akutagawa took the wrapped cold snack and opened it, Kyouka heeding the two none of her attention. Her focus was solely on her decorative crepe. Awkward was an understatement, but soon enough, with melted cream on his fingers, the food was unwrapped.
The first bite was stinging cold and freezing to the gums. He surveyed the weretiger who smiled sheepishly at his antics. Who knew what expression he had?
"See? I don't think it's bad-"
A cough and another followed. Stupid.
But then, a laugh and a series of others responded.
Kyouka finished her crepe and wondered together with Akutagawa why the hell the weretiger thought that was funny.
Maturity his ass, he'd pick a damn fight with this tiger right here, right now.
Because it felt right, and this felt warm despite the spring blowing.
*
"It's hard to do this without you anymore."
Atsushi freezes.
Chills run up and down his spine, Byakko's fur automatically dresses him up from head to toe.
The ice begin filling up the streets in puddles and blocks, like ice cream melting on somebody's fingers.
Who was that person again?
The Third Fall
Autumn brushed in by quickly like how their relationship grew from the Spring they interacted.
Countless conversations stemmed ranging from disagreements to compromise. Mostly, their fights lessened as the realization of how mirror-like their lives werre, yet in stark contrast of how they lived dawned on their minds.
Dead leaves crunched as Akutagawa heard Atsushi's footsteps on the way to his position. The same bench on Yokohama's orange-hued park.
"Atsushi."
He learned to call the man of his name months ago, it sang out of his lips like a lost lullaby when the weretiger settled beside him.
Sunset reflected those heterochromatic eyes a bit gentler than they seemed rather than intimidating.
"Let's play five questions." He offered, "you first."
"How long have you been here?"
"Around 15 minutes."
Five questions were a tradition set by the Shin Soukoku pair ever since one coincidental meet-up, whereas they discovered Akutagawa wasn't good with small talk and Atsushi wasn't the type to let silence take over.
"Why did you ask me to come here?"
"I miss you."
Needless to say, it was an effective and beneficial tactic for the two of them. Akutagawa's being more honest every time he spends with Atsushi. Atsushi, on the other hand, gets to know more about Akutagawa's life. The minuscule details. Even those others never bothered to ask because of his dark reputation.
"The real reason you asked me to come here?"
"It's near, isn't it?"
There were fallbacks, such as finding out when one lied and the other cried.
"What are you talking about?"
"Your...hibernation."
Atsushi hibernates during winter. He slept longer for periods of days, even the Agency couldn't wake him up no matter the emergency or occasion. Dazai-san figured it out when he visited the dorm but his subordinate wasn't replying. As Atsushi's superior pick-locked the door, a sleeping tiger was on the floor. Even when Dazai-san held Atsushi to cancel the side-effect of Beast Beneath the Moonlight, Atsushi remained resting in his human form.
They tried Fukuzawa's ability and Yosano's capability but Ranpo only concluded that the tiger in Atsushi recharged himself through months-long comatose.
"How did you find out?"
"Dazai-san told me, on your first hibernation. You weren't there to give out the Agency's collected monthly information for the truce."
Akutagawa bowed his head when Atsushi's expression became indescribable. How the tables have turned drastically, Akutagawa was the one supposed to ask about Atsushi's hibernation, not the other way around.
"Why do you care so much about it?"
"That's six questions!" Akutagawa snapped his head up, contacting Atsushi's determined gaze.
"I don't care. Play along."
"Fall is here, and Winter is near..."
"And?"
"I'm not going to see much of you then." He admitted. Dwelling whether he should jump into what his heart was beating for, and decided to fuck it, Atsushi was teaching him this whole time, to be honest with his thoughts and-
"I want to be with you this winter."
*
"For all the fights, fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it...."
Atsushi hears.
He listens to the snowstorm oncoming, almost covering the stores of the city entirely.
He also hears through the breeze like silent cries, a plea overshadowed by the wind.
He can't understand what is uttered in the air but whatever it is, it only brought Atsushi pain.
The Fourth Summer
Akutagawa remembered the first winter Dazai-san brought him to the Agency's dormitory. Atsushi was lying still in his movements, pale and almost dead if not for the slight upward and downward of his chest.
Dazai-san left him alone to his thoughts. He assumed it was a challenge not to kill the weretiger in his most vulnerable form.
As more years passed by, the seasons changing as fast as their relationship with each other, Akutagawa realized otherwise.
Dazai-san wanted him to acknowledge Atsushi's weakness and be its strength.
There was always this sliver of protectiveness curling up his chest as he observed Atsushi's comatose year by year.
Bare fingers intertwined, Akutagawa and Atsushi, strolled the park of Yokohama underneath its sun. They approached the ice cream vendor and ordered for chocolate and vanilla in cones.
Akutagawa cherished the serene moment, the feeling of overflowing fullness inside him. It had been months since Atsushi woke up from his slumber and Akutagawa thanked whatever god that existed for the blessing. For another day, another hour, another second with this person.
They perched on the park bench, another memory replacing Akutagawa’s bad ones. Chortling and letting the sun’s rays reach out to their worn-out souls, mending them together.
What they both didn’t know, this may be the last summer they spend together in that place.
*
"Please, wake up."
Atsushi dreams.
His body is transformed into a tiger throughout. He traverses the ice-sunken Japan all alone.
His footprints are easily swept by the gust of cool wind.
Atsushi doesn't know how long he has been here but he knows, someone's here with him.
Because the warmth beside him has never left ever since.
The Last Winter
“Brother,” a tiny familiar voice, his coat never dared to be apprehensive of. “Winter has ended. We’re in the middle of spring now.”
“Are we?”
He turned to his sister who only had worried features scaled upon her fair face. Must be by his stature, his hand gripping Atsushi’s, who slept through the winter’s merry celebrations.
“The Agency did their best but they couldn’t find any leads for Atsushi-san.” Gin announced. At that, the male Akutagawa flinched and never looked at his sister again.
“Leave me be, Gin. Thank you.”
Gin left her cooked food in the refrigerator for him to eat later on. He didn't have much of an appetite, but he tried still because Atsushi would be mad if he’s neglecting his health.
He stared at Atsushi, who was lying still in his movements, pale and almost dead if not for the slight upward and downward of his chest.
“Atsushi, I beg of you.” He began, palms clasped over those limp hands, akin to a prayer.
“It’s hard to do this without you anymore.”
There’s a lump in his throat, itching to be released. His obsidian eyes stung at his next words.
"For all the fights, fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it...."
*
Atsushi walks.
He walks with a man in a black coat, who appreciates the silence in his tiger form.
They stroll along with the snow drenched path, their footprints trailing behind them.
There is no particular direction, but they soon reach their destination.
The man in black, Akutagawa, Atsushi’s memory supplies, sweeps the ice off their seat.
Side by side, they sit on the bench of Yokohama’s park place.
His head pillowing Akutagawa’s lap, as the human cards his fingers through his fur.
Atsushi slumbers peacefully.
This is the warmth I ached for.
“Please, wake up.”