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Crowley was exhausted. The search for Antichrist, the confrontation with Hastur and Ligur, the fire in the bookshop and the mortifying certainty of Aziraphale being dead, the crazy trip with the Bentley on fire and the view of his beloved car exploding as soon as he looked away, arriving of the Satan himself to stand up against whom was not only insane but nearly physically impossible.. Finally, the short visit to Heaven in the borrowed body, the endless light and flashing memories, and the cruel, self-confident looks from those so called angels, not even at him - at Aziraphale... It was really a lot for one demon.
Everything was all right. The Earth was still turning. They both were alive. The Head Offices preferred to forget about them for some time at least. Aziraphale was close.. and really close and obviously enjoying the freedom to spend time with his friend without hiding
But how much time did they really have? Heaven and Hell will not be idle forever, but the other thing worried Crowley much more.
After their celebration at Ritz, he planned to sleep for a week just to restore his strength. He didn't consider every attempt to close his eyes the next month turning into a nightmare. As soon as he dosed off, he found himself surrounded by flame and burning book pages or alone on the Earth with the exact knowledge that Aziraphale was destroyed or Fell, either way was gone and a demon took his place who didn't want to know Crowley at all. He saw his angel in flames, screaming in agony. Or that demon with the alien eyes on the dear face, lacking all familiar love and kindness.
Of course, he was a demon and didn't exactly need to sleep. If he only wasn't so tired. And if these images didn't invade his mind in waking hours as well. Everything was fine till Aziraphale was near. But fear started to prey on Crowley as soon as he stayed alone.
One night... Okay, several nights. They always stayed within some civilized limits – no visit between midnight and early morning, for instance. Aziraphale slept rarely, he mostly read upstairs, but nonetheless.
Anyway, Crowley had no intention to draw him out of a cozy nest with a book and cocoa. He just came into the shop, with a minor miracle soundless opened the door and sat down on the very familiar sofa in the backroom. From here, he could sense the angelic presence – no doubts, divine and graceful, and he calmed down. Aziraphale was still fine, he was still himself. At daybreak he went away the same way.
In the daytime Crowley didn't mention his fears. Aziraphale never spoke about the possibility to Fall, and the demon didn't want to scare him. Or was the warning a necessity and silence – a cowardice?..
At the fourth night, Aziraphale came down.
Caught red-handed, Crowley jumped from the sofa.
"Oh, hi, Aziraphale, I... didn't want to bother you..."
"What happened, Crowley?" the angel came closer and put his hand on the demon's shoulder. In his second hand he had a mug of cocoa which he instantly gave to the demon and gently pushed him back to the sofa. "Just don't tell you suddenly felt irresistible desire to read something and decided to drop in. Three nights in a row."
"Wouldn't you believe me?" Crowley tasted the cocoa.
The angel snorted:
"You can always find something online." He miracled himself another mug and sat down too. "What's the matter, dear?"
The demon watched a swirl of cocoa in his mug for some time, then gave up.
"I'm afraid... for you. After everything we had done, I’m afraid that you... that you could... you will no longer..."
"That I will Fall," Aziraphale finished.
Crowley nodded somberly.
"And honestly, angel, I don't want to scare you, but... For S.. someone's sake, I can't lose you this way..." he shuddered.
"It won't happen" Aziraphale gently put his arm around his shoulders and leaned his brow to Crowley's temple. "You may laugh at what I'll say but... I was afraid too for a couple of days. Until I realized that perhaps I had never felt so..." he stammered looking for words and finished very quietly: "…so close to Her. And so... lucid."
He slipped down to the floor before Crowley and let his wings manifest into the reality. Crowley unwillingly closed his eyes for a second, so bright their pale whiteness was in the dark room.
"Oh, sorry, I..." the angel got abashed and would put them away if the demon didn't shake his head and reached out in awe to touch a feather's edge.
"They grew brighter," he whispered. "And... larger".
The angel nodded shyly.
"You didn't mention it," the demon sounded a little hurt.
"I... didn't know how you would take it. In the end, it would be only fair after all I had done since the Eden if I would be punished and be in the same situation as you, not..."
"Angel, you don't know what you're talking about. Don't you ever say that!" the demon cut him short. "Do you really think I could want this to happen to you?.."
Azirahale looked down ashamed.
“It shouldn't had happened to you in the first place," he said stubbornly.
Crowley smirked:
"Don't blaspheme. I was a shitty angel".
Aziraphale sat silent for a moment, then spoke on:
"Anyway... I'm sure we made the right thing this time, and God... She is on our side," he stood up and tucked his wings away.
Crowley snorted.
"On the side of an angel and a demon," he specified viciously.
Aziraphale nodded earnestly with one of his unbearable beatific smiles. Even without visible wings he seemed to glow himself now, and his faith... made the demon hope.
"Nothing will happen to me," he said firmly. "Do you believe me?"
Crowley nodded.
"You, in you..." he answered with a weary grin.
Angel glanced him with a slight reproach and sat beside him.
"In the end," Crowley leaned back in his corner of the sofa, "if She loves you too much it is really too easy to understand. And I'm totally not sure I'd like to have on our side an ... entity responsible for the Flood and all those things," he added spitefully.
The angel sighed and shifted uneasy in his place.
"The world was so much younger then," he said. "And She too. You should admit there was no such thing for a long time anymore now."
"It's heresy, angel. How are those wings of yours doing?.."
"They're fine. I'm sorry I doubted your... understanding."
'It's okay. I'm a demon. It's normal".
"Exactly. It's past time for me to know better. We are on the one side, for God's sake," the angel frowned at himself. "Now, tell me, how long haven't you slept properly? You look very tired, dear".
"It's nothing. Just... you know, bad dreams," Crowley wanted to dismiss the issue, but Aziraphale gently took his hand.
"You don't need to fight them on your own. Come on, there is a bed upstairs. I bet your nightmares will give you peace here. You will sleep, and I will finally finish the chapter. It was really interesting, for the record!"