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The first time Soonyoung tries to confess to Jihoon, he doesn’t.
Soonyoung doesn’t know how he started falling for Jihoon. His feelings crept up on him slowly and before he knew it, his heart was racing every single time he thought of the younger man, thoughts filled with his every being; his voice, his movements, his personality. Even so much as brushing their fingers together made his hands feel clammy.
During dance practice, he finds himself staring at the way Jihoon moves way more often than he should, and he’s also started noticing how he gives the younger man more center position than the rest of his members. Soonyoung doesn’t know what to think of it and it makes him anxious.
He’s not scared of Jihoon, not at all. He’s encountered one too many smacks and hits, and he’s experienced being yelled at by the producer countless times during recording sessions. It’s okay, he’s used to it by now and they’ve been friends for almost eight years. He has no reason to be scared, but something in the way Jihoon just looks at him makes him feel fluttery down to his stomach, and even though the younger man pushes his affections away and claims he’s too embarrassing, Soonyoung still feels like he’s floating in air.
It’s...
Weird.
When he had relayed how he felt to Wonwoo, his best friend had only laughed, claiming something along the lines of you’re so dumb sometimes, Soonyoung, before giving him actual real advice and telling him to man up and confess.
(Wonwoo has no right to say I’m dumb, Soonyoung thinks when he sees his best friend helping Mingyu cook their dinner the next night.)
Despite all the teasing he’d gotten from the rapper, his advice had Soonyoung thinking about the next best step, and before he knew it, he was making his way to Jihoon’s studio, full of confidence as he recites the three simple words in his head: I like you.
When he gets to Jihoon’s studio, the door is closed, as it always is. It’s soundproof but he can feel the low bass thrumming beneath his feet so he assumes the producer is working on a new song. He knocks in a certain pattern, one that he’s established with Jihoon (although the latter didn’t really care) a long time ago so the producer would know that it’s Soonyoung at his door.
The thrumming beneath his feet stops and there’s some shuffling inside before Jihoon speaks, sounding amused, “You can come in, Soonyoung."
(Maybe he did care after all.)
Soonyoung opens the door and there Jihoon is, sitting in his chair with his fingers playing the piano beside him.
“What’cha doing?” Soonyoung asks cheekily, sitting down on the couch across from the producer.
“What does it look like?” Jihoon asks sarcastically, switching back to his computer and clicking on a few things. Soonyoung can just barely make out how the song sounds like so far and he knows it’ll be amazing.
“Can I listen?” Soonyoung asks instead, eagerly.
“Hold on,” Jihoon chuckles, and the dancer feels his heart jump at the sound. “I just need to make a few adjustments. I’m not done with it yet."
“I’m sure it’ll sound great anyway, Jihoonie,” Soonyoung compliments honestly. “It always does."
Jihoon coughs all of a sudden and turns away from him, and Soonyoung wants to believe the producer’s ears are red because of him.
“Thanks, Soonyoung,” Jihoon clears his throat. “Um...what did you come here for?"
Soonyoung blinks and he suddenly remembers why he’s decided to visit. “Oh, right,” he says numbly. “I have to tell you something."
Jihoon raises an eyebrow but he doesn’t look at him. “I’m listening,” the producer hums.
The confidence swells up. “Jihoon, I think I li—“ Soonyoung becomes tongue-tied and suddenly, all the confidence dissipates instantly. He tries again. “I really like—“ The words don’t come out.
“You really like...?” Jihoon trails off questioningly, turning to look at the dancer, and fuck.
”I...I r-really like...” Soonyoung stutters, caught off guard. “I really like how you designed your studio.”
What the fuck, Soonyoung.
Jihoon blinks, as if he wasn’t expecting that answer. “Oh, uh...” he says, looking at Soonyoung weirdly before shifting his gaze around the neon-lit room. “Thanks, I guess? I mean, it’s always been like this."
“Yeah, no problem. Just thought I’d let you know,” Soonyoung says easily, trying to recover from his sudden anxiety. He coughs and quickly attempts to change the subject. “Can I listen to the song now?"
Next time, Soonyoung. You’ll tell him next time.
The second time Soonyoung tries to confess to Jihoon, it’s not in the studio and he’s half-asleep.
The members are in the dorm after a long week of promotions and everyone had been extremely tired from all the performances and interviews they’ve had to deal with. As much as they love their fans, all the jet lag and drained energy had caught up to them and they were more than ready for a break. Soonyoung, the energetic ball of sunshine he is, is more than ready to crash and re-energize.
Currently, Soonyoung is lying on the couch, watching some sort of drama he doesn’t even care to watch. He’s been falling in and out of sleep for the past few hours and he’s surprised nobody has pushed him off the couch yet. He’s not in the most comfortable position, head craned on top of the armrest and his arm trapped underneath him, but he can’t bring himself to move. He’s tired and sleepy and too lazy to get up, and his dancer limbs are just begging for some relaxation.
He’s on the brink of falling asleep again when someone asks, “What are you watching?"
Soonyoung startles, turning his head sharply at the voice, only to let out a groan when pain flares up the base of his neck. He hisses lightly and removes his arm that’s crushed underneath him to gently massage the area.
“Shit, sorry,” Jihoon gasps, lightly touching Soonyoung’s back. “Were you sleeping?"
“Uh, yeah. Almost...” Soonyoung mumbles hoarsely, slowly sitting up. He regrets laying down so awkwardly, now his back hurts. “Sorry, were you going to watch? I’ll just go to my room—"
“No, it’s okay.” Jihoon pushes him back down. The next thing he does almost makes Soonyoung think he’s dreaming. Jihoon sits down next to him and pats his lap. “Here, lie down. That probably wasn’t the most comfortable position. Doesn’t your back hurt?"
Soonyoung blinks at Jihoon but he doesn’t answer his question. He doesn’t quite believe his ears until the younger man pats his lap again. “You want me to—"
“You don’t want to?” Jihoon scoffs, looking embarrassed. “Fine, you can go back to your room—"
“No!” Soonyoung exclaims, immediately taking his chance to lie down in Jihoon’s lap. He smiles cheekily up at the producer, who only rolls his eyes with an amused smile.
“Go to sleep, idiot,” Jihoon murmurs. “You’ve worked hard."
“You’ve worked twice as hard,” Soonyoung counters. “By the way, I wanted to tell you something."
“Which is...?” Jihoon trails off, looking down at him.
“Jihoonie, you’re really—" Pretty. Come on, Soonyoung, say it. ”You’re really nice for doing this.” Oh, for fuck’s sake.
Jihoon’s lips curl up slightly but his eyebrows are furrowed. “Like I said,” he says with a small laugh. “You’ve been working hard and you’ve been moving a lot. You need to rest more than I do."
“Whatever you say,” Soonyoung sighs dejectedly, crossing his arms across his chest and closing his eyes. “Goodnight, Jihoonie."
“It’s only the afternoon, Soonyoung,” Jihoon laughs lightly. “But goodnight anyway."
The third time Soonyoung tries to confess to Jihoon, they’re backstage and it’s completely unintentional.
The group has gotten just enough time to prepare and reenergize to perform more concerts. They’ve missed their setting: the usual stage lights, the pretty effects, and most of all, seeing Carats cheering them on. Even after almost five years of performing, every stage feels as if it were the first one. Nerves bundle up with worry and excitement; worry that they’ll mess up, and excitement to be back in action.
It’s ten minutes before they’re supposed to perform does Seungcheol call the group to huddle together for their usual motivational speech.
“Alright, everyone. Let’s do well tonight,” the leader says, putting his fist in the middle. He glances teasingly at Soonyoung. “If our prince may do the honors."
“Okay, everyone,” Soonyoung starts, smiling at the light chuckles from his members. “Like Coups-hyung said, let’s do well tonight! We’ve made it this far in our careers, we can’t stop now. Let’s make sure our hard work doesn’t go to waste. We’re here because of Carats, right?"
“Yeah!” the group exclaims back.
“We’re Seventeen because of Carats, yes?"
“Yes!"
“We’ll work hard to make them proud, yes?"
“Yes!"
“We’ll perform with all our energy tonight to make sure they feel fulfilled, right?"
“Right!"
“If any of you slack off, you’re going to hear it from me, got that?” Soonyoung asks playfully. The nervous air around them dissipates almost instantly at that, everyone more determined at the sound of that.
“Got it!"
Soonyoung smiles and raises his fist. “We’ll be a group that’ll reach the top. One, two, three—"
“SEVENTEEN!"
There’s a newfound energy residing in the air and Soonyoung prides himself in being the mood maker. Everyone disperses to their positions, guided by their managers and noonas, and Soonyoung feels his heart jump when he realizes he and Jihoon are going to be raised on the same platform.
“Good talk,” the producer compliments, almost sounding sarcastic. “As expected from our mood maker."
“Thanks,” Soonyoung beams, sitting down on the platform. “We’ll do better than last time. I hope the stage doesn’t break again."
“To be fair, we were the ones who broke the stage,” Jihoon points out, adjusting his earpiece.
“Thanks to our awesome dance moves,” Soonyoung scoffs. “The stage couldn’t take how powerful we were.”
Jihoon laughs at that, shaking his head down at him and the dancer makes the mistake of looking up. Jihoon looks like he’s surrounded by an ethereal glow, giving him a soft and delicate look. Soonyoung’s heart beats uncomfortably fast in his chest and he feels like the air has been knocked out of his lungs. However, before he can stop himself―
“You’re so beautiful, Jihoonie."
There’s a pause and Soonyoung’s eyes widen, to the point where they can be considered normal size.
Jihoon’s mouth drops open in surprise and there’s a light flush on his cheeks, whether it’s from the makeup or because he’s embarrassed, Soonyoung doesn’t know. However, fortunately or unfortunately, Jihoon shakes his head and laughs. Laughs.
“What are you talking about, you idiot?” Jihoon questions and Soonyoung releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He doesn’t know whether to be disappointed or relieved that Jihoon hadn’t caught on to his confession. “I’m wearing makeup. Am I not beautiful without makeup?"
“No, that’s not what I―” Soonyoung cuts himself off, coughing. “You’re beautiful all the time.” Fuck. Shit. No―
Jihoon splutters another laugh. “Thanks."
“Just―saying what’s on my mind,” Soonyoung shrugs. “You know me."
Before Jihoon can say anything else, the staff calls out positions and they get into place, the platform rising until they’re greeted by their thousands of fans.
You saved yourself, Kwon.
The fourth time Soonyoung confesses to Jihoon, they’re on stage having an interview with their Japanese Carats.
Their Japanese has increased in fluency the more they studied and by now, they were proficient in the language, enough that they could understand without needing a translator. They’ve just finished their promotion for their Japanese single, Happy Ending. Although it’s their second time promoting in Japan, the nerves of being in another foreign country are still there.
“Say the name, Seventeen!"
The crowd cried out as the thirteen men bowed and did their signature hand sign. Sitting down on the stools set behind them, they introduced themselves one by one. Their nerves are high now, especially since they’re in another country. However, hearing all the cheering makes them feel welcome, like they never left South Korea in the first place.
The host of the interview asked them questions to which they responded enthusiastically, showcasing their Japanese skills proudly. All was fun and games and Soonyoung had almost zoned out, just admiring how pretty the light-sticks looked, like watching stars in the night sky. It wasn’t until the interviewer directed all the attention towards Jihoon did he snap back to reality, glancing discreetly at the producer.
“Woozi-san,” the interviewer started, reading off of his card. “How is it like to produce songs?"
What a vague question, Soonyoung thinks.
“It’s fun,” Jihoon shrugs. “I think producing our own songs really lets us be creative and allows us to get our message across to our Carats. We get to bond deeper with Carats because the message becomes much more meaningful. It feels almost natural at this point, to create our own music."
“Do you think every group should produce their own music then?” the interviewer asked again.
“Not at all.” Jihoon shakes his head. “It’s not something they have to do and if they’re comfortable not doing it, that’s okay too. It’s all up to the group’s decision whether or not that’s how they want to get their message across."
“Aish, hyung is so hard-working,” Seungkwan huffs, crossing his arms petulantly. “Woozi-hyung doesn’t stop producing, you know. He’s always in his studio. I’m starting to think he lives there."
“Oh, is that so?” the interviewer laughed.
“I have to admit,” Jihoon chuckles lightly. “He’s right. I don’t really go out much because I’m in the studio and I don’t really like going out unless I have a good reason to. I’m a homebody. Like I said, producing music is fun and I like experimenting with all types of things but don’t worry, I also take care of myself too―or at least, Hoshi comes to check up on me every once in a while since he’s always in the practice room."
The attention redirects to Soonyoung, who laughs sheepishly.
“Ah, so Hoshi-san, you take care of Woozi-san?” the interviewer asks curiously.
“I wouldn’t really say I take care of him,” Soonyoung answers, flustered. “Since the practice room and the studio are so close together, I tend to come over to Jihoonie―uh, Woozi’s studio to see what he’s up to. As the main engines of the group, the producer and choreographer, our jobs often correlate with each other. If I need inspiration for a dance, I’ll often go to him for ideas. If he needs ideas for lyrics, he’ll ask me and vice versa."
“Hoshi was originally supposed to be on the vocal team,” Seungcheol adds on. “Woozi was going to be in the performance team, which is why they can easily come up with ideas together."
“Ah, yes,” the interviewer nods understandingly. “In some of your songs, I’ve noticed that both Hoshi and Woozi have lines similar to each other, like in Getting Closer, you both share the same lines in the pre-chorus and chorus. I’ve also noticed you two often mirror each other in your choreographies or you’re next to each other, and the same goes for your lines."
“Our styles in both singing and dancing are complementary to each other,” Jihoon says, nodding. “We’d both be able to sing or dance each other’s part and make it look like it was the original part."
“That’s amazing,” the interviewer says, awed. “You guys must work very hard then."
“Woozi works the hardest, in my opinion,” Soonyoung denies. “He’d rather stay in the studio than go out to eat."
“Hyung works hard!” Seokmin agrees, then in Japanese, he says, “I love you, Woozi-san!"
Their fans cry out their agreements, some agreeing with what Seokmin said and others not believing what they just heard. Jihoon only laughs and shakes his head, obviously a little embarrassed by the random bit of affection and Soonyoung decides to add to it impulsively.
“I love you too!” Soonyoung whines.
He takes a second to process what he just said, that he had confessed to Jihoon on stage. However, nobody seems to mind. The crowd cries out again and Jihoon’s smile grows wider as he shakes his head again. The interviewer claps his hands in amusement but nobody knows the inner panic Soonyoung is facing right now.
The rest of the interview goes by smoothly, with no more accidental confessions or declarations of love but it doesn’t stop Soonyoung from avoiding Jihoon after that. Every time he catches sight of the producer, he looks away quickly and tries to quell the redness of his ears, his impulsive action catching up to him and reminding him that yes, I did do that.
He’s oblivious to how Jihoon looks at him after that.
The fifth time Soonyoung tries to confess to Jihoon, he’s starting to lose hope.
Every single time he’s tried to get the words out, it comes out impulsively or he ends up saying something completely different than what he wanted to say. The frustration of it all and the forlorn feeling sitting in his heart is enough to make him feel like maybe they’re not meant to be, that maybe it’s a sign the universe already has someone for Jihoon. However, he holds on to the last thread of hope he has and tries one last time.
That last time comes after the group is doing a V-live to catch up with Carats before they go on tour where their schedule will be packed to the brim.
“'Please take care of yourselves and eat well,'” Seungcheol reads one comment. “Yes, don’t worry. We’ll take good care of ourselves, rest well, eat well. Same goes for you too. Please don’t stay up waiting for us, we worry too."
“Ah, yeah,” Wonwoo pipes up. “I saw Carats waiting outside in the cold when we had our last performance. They looked so tired too."
“I just wanted to give them a hug,” Mingyu says with a slight pout. “I wanted to keep them warm.” He wraps his arms around nothing as if he were hugging someone, and the members let out incredulous noises, slapping the rapper playfully as they cringe at his acting.
“Okay, well,” Jeonghan hums, adjusting the selfie stick in his hand. “It’s getting late now, Carats. We should all go get some sleep and rest up so you can be energized when you see us for the tour."
“Carats, I will think of you while I sleep,” Chan says dramatically, shooting finger hearts at the camera. “Think of me too, so you will have good dreams."
“So sappy,” Joshua teases, nudging the maknae. “Ladies man."
“Yeah, ladies man,” Chan repeats in English, causing a stir of laughter from the group.
“Anyway,” Jeonghan smiles, waving at the camera. “Bye, Carats. Please rest and eat well so we can sleep easily tonight."
“Yes, and if there’s no further comments,” Seungcheol scans the group once more before saying, “Say the name, Seventeen!"
“Bye-bye, Carats!"
“Goodnight~"
“I hope to see you during the tour!"
Soonyoung stands up from his seat and smiles cutely at the camera. “Carats, goodnight,” he coos. Making a wind sound effect, he covers the camera with his palm as Jeonghan ends the live.
“That’s a wrap,” Seungcheol hums, standing up and stretching. “I don’t know about you, but I’m not that tired. Is anyone up to eat somewhere? I’ll go tell the manager."
“I’ll go,” Mingyu says automatically, the sound of food calling his name.
“Me too,” Seokmin volunteers.
“Same here,” Chan cheers excitedly.
“I need to watch you,” Jeonghan teases, getting up from his spot on the couch to wrap an arm around the maknae’s shoulder. He ignores the whine coming from the youngest as he says, “I’m going with."
“I’ll go too,” Jihoon shrugs, running a hand through his hair.
Soonyoung tenses from his spot as the producer stands up to join the other five. As much as he wants to join Jihoon (and the others going with him), he’s dead tired and his back is aching from earlier’s rehearsal. He gnaws on his bottom lip as he debates on what to do.
“I’m going back to the dorms,” Joshua yawns, getting up from the floor. “I have the key if anyone wants to go back with me."
“I’ll go back, hyung,” Seungkwan hums, wrapping his arm around Hansol and guiding the half-asleep boy to the third eldest. “We’ll both go back with you. Vernonie has worked hard."
“Us too, hyung,” Minghao murmurs, tapping Junhui’s arm.
“I need to finish my book,” Wonwoo sighs, pushing his glasses up. “I’ll go with."
“Soonyoung?” Joshua questions, glancing at the dancer.
Soonyoung shoves his hands in his hoodie pockets. "You go ahead, hyung,” he says. “I’ll follow after. I just need to do something first."
Joshua shrugs then heads out the door, the other five following obediently. Soonyoung clenches his fists inside his pocket and breathes in slowly as he watches Seungcheol follow after with his group on toe. The dancer quickly reaches out and tugs Jihoon’s sleeve, effectively stopping the younger from leaving.
“H-Hey, can I talk to you real quick?” Soonyoung questions, albeit a little shyly.
“Uh, yeah, sure.” Jihoon clears his throat, a little thrown off. He faces Soonyoung and tilts his head. “Something wrong?"
Soonyoung’s tongue suddenly feels heavy at the little head tilt but he shakes his head. “No, nothing’s wrong. I just need to, uh―you’re really―can I ask you―damn it."
“I don’t think Shua-hyung will take too kindly to that,” Jihoon jokes in an attempt to lighten the mood. When Soonyoung’s expression doesn’t change, he frowns in concern. “Are you okay? We can talk afterwards―"
“No, no, no,” Soonyoung disagrees, shaking his head. “Sorry, I need to―I need to do this now or I won’t be able to do it again. Can you...Can you close your eyes?"
“Close my eyes?” Jihoon utters, looking more confused.
“Please,” Soonyoung pleads desperately, feeling his confidence slowly go down the drain every second. “Just do it."
Jihoon obeys obediently, eyes fluttering close as his eyebrows furrow.
Soonyoung feels his heart leap in his throat, nerves skyrocketing as he takes his hands out of his pockets. He moves closer to Jihoon and runs his hand through his hair.
Fuck, I’m really doing this, he thinks, heart hammering wildly in his chest as he gently cups the younger’s face and tilts it up.
Jihoon’s eyes fly open. “Soonyoung, what are you―“ Whatever he was going to say next dies on his tongue when Soonyoung gently presses their lips together, and his eyes close instinctively.
Soonyoung can feel his ears turning red as Jihoon makes a noise of surprise. His heart is still racing, fingers trembling subtly against the younger’s face but he tries to quell down the mini panic he feels. Jihoon isn’t pulling away but he’s not exactly reciprocating either. Soonyoung hopes he hasn’t royally fucked everything up.
“Jihoon!” Seungcheol’s voice rings, and then footsteps. “Jihoon, the van is here to pick us up―"
Soonyoung and Jihoon both jump away from each other abruptly, eyes wide as the door to the room opens. Jihoon is blushing, but he’s avoiding all eye contact with the older man. The dancer can still feel his lips tingling as the leader pokes his head in, eyebrows furrowed in confusion at how red the other two leaders' faces are.
“Something happened?” Seungcheol asks, concerned.
“Nothing,” Jihoon declares abruptly, and the last bit of hope inside Soonyoung shatters. “Nothing happened. You didn’t miss anything."
“Well,” Seungcheol eyes them for a moment before sighing. “The van is here to pick us up and the driver isn’t waiting. Soonyoung, you change your mind?"
“Uh, no...” Soonyoung says quietly, hand reaching up to rub the nape of his neck. “No. I was just gonna go back to the dorms."
“Let’s go before they leave,” Jihoon says hastily, grabbing Seungcheol’s wrist.
The leader flails for a moment before smiling sheepishly at Soonyoung and waving, the two of them leaving the dancer alone.
Soonyoung sits down on the couch slowly, holding his head between his hands as he curses.
Fucking hell. I ruined everything.
Over the next two weeks of the tour, Jihoon avoids Soonyoung as much as he can without looking suspicious. The dancer would be lying if he said his actions didn’t hurt him but he had it coming. Every time the two would so much as make eye contact, Jihoon would look away quickly and turn his head to talk to the nearest person next to him. When Soonyoung tries to talk to him, Seungcheol would come over and take the younger man away, all while smiling tightly at Soonyoung. The dancer wouldn’t be surprised if Jihoon told him what happened; the two are best friends after all.
It had been their last day of the tour when they last performed. Soonyoung didn’t have a chance to talk to Jihoon while they were on stage but now that their final performance was over, they had the rest of the day to themselves. Now, the group is back in the hotel they’re staying at and as much as Soonyoung wants to talk to Jihoon, he knows he can’t keep chasing after him.
Soonyoung sighs as he falls backwards onto his bed. His muscles are aching and he’s just dying to rest, but his members are loud and obnoxious as they chatter with each other in the main area of their hotel room.
“Hyung!” Chan exclaims, bursting through the door.
Soonyoung startles, heartbeat skyrocketing at the sudden intrusion as he bolts up. “What?"
“We’re going out to eat for a late lunch. Cheol-hyung is treating us,” Chan chirps. “You coming?"
“Oh, uh,” Soonyoung clears his throat as he falls backwards again. “No, I’m—I’m just gonna stay back for tonight. Uh, my muscles kind of hurt."
“Are you sure, hyung?” the maknae asks worriedly. “It’s our last day here."
“Yeah, I’m sure,” Soonyoung smiles weakly. “Go have fun. Maybe I’ll be up to eat dinner later."
“Okay,” Chan says unsurely. “I’ll go tell Seungcheol-hyung then."
Soonyoung is once again left alone as the youngest closes the door behind him. He sighs as he moves higher up on the bed, hands clasped on his stomach as he closes his eyes. Not a few seconds later does the door open again and he suppresses the urge to groan. However, when he opens his eyes, Seungcheol is peering down at him.
“You’re not coming?” the leader asks. “It’s our last day."
Soonyoung lets out a slow sigh. “I’m staying back. I’m too tired."
“Okay, well, Jihoon is staying back also.” Seungcheol leans back, pursing his lips. “Don’t do anything you’ll regret."
Soonyoung’s eyes snap to his. “He told you then.” It’s not a question and he’s not asking anything but he wants confirmation. The dancer bites his lip, eyes lowering shamefully. “Does he, um—Does he...hate me?"
It’s quiet for a moment before Seungcheol chuckles, heading for the door. “Quite the opposite actually,” he answers, then closes the door behind him, leaving Soonyoung in his thoughts again.
Quite the opposite? the dancer ponders. What does that mean?
During the next half hour, the main area becomes quiet and the chattering becomes more distant which tells Soonyoung that everyone—except Jihoon—had left already. He stares at the ceiling in contemplation, bottom lip red and swollen from the amount of gnawing. He can’t hear anything outside the room, which most likely means Jihoon is sleeping or avoiding him. He wouldn’t be surprised if it was the latter.
Soonyoung sighs when his stomach grumbles. Suddenly not feeling sleepy, he rolls out of bed and opens the door, peering out cautiously. There’s no sight of Jihoon but he can hear the faint sound of a TV playing in the room across from his.
I’ll just make some instant ramen and go back to my room, Soonyoung thinks, closing the door behind him silently. Not too hard.
The dancer makes his way to the kitchen and opens a cupboard, grabbing said ramen and filling the cup with hot water. As soon as he puts the ramen into the microwave, he hears a door open and he winces, body turning stiff. Soft footsteps pad closer to him but he doesn’t turn around, eyeing the ramen spinning around in the microwave intently.
“Um.” Jihoon clears his throat, sounding painfully awkward. “Is there...Is there more ramen left?"
“Yeah,” Soonyoung answers curtly. “In the cupboard."
No words pass between them as the younger grabs a pack of ramen from said cupboard. Soonyoung silently prays for the timer to go down faster as his fingers begin tapping against the counter anxiously. He needs to get out of the tense atmosphere, but he can’t leave his ramen behind.
“S-Soonyoung?” Jihoon questions softly. “Are we, um, are we okay?"
Soonyoung purses his lips as he takes the ramen out from the microwave and flips the brick of noodles with a pair of chopsticks. Closing the door, he sets the timer again and faces the younger.
“I don’t know,” he says bitterly. “Are we okay, Jihoon?"
He doesn’t know why he feels so upset. It had been his fault that things had gotten awkward between him and Jihoon. It had been his fault why Jihoon had been avoiding him for the past two weeks. It had been his fault that he could have potentially ruined their relationship that he so desperately cherishes.
Still, Soonyoung’s brain murmurs. He could’ve at least told you he didn’t feel the same. He could’ve at least saved you from all the heartbreak.
“Um.” Jihoon looks around, obviously uncomfortable. “I―I don’t―"
“No, never mind, sorry,” Soonyoung mutters, turning back to the microwave. Just a minute left. ”Forget I asked."
The room becomes more tense than it was five seconds ago. Soonyoung doesn’t take his eyes off of the timer but he can feel Jihoon’s gaze burning holes on the side of his face and he has to suppress the urge to lock eyes. The producer shifts in place, chewing on his bottom lip nervously.
“I―I want us to be okay...” Jihoon responds quietly.
Soonyoung sighs. “Are you done avoiding me then?” Fuck, no, what the fuck, Soonyoung.
“I wasn’t avoiding you,” Jihoon says defensively. “I just―I needed time to process what happened―"
“For two weeks,” Soonyoung interrupts blandly, turning to the younger. “You needed two weeks to process what happened. I would’ve understood a couple days―hell, I would’ve understood a week, but two weeks, Jihoon. The whole time we were on tour. Every single time I tried to talk to you, you avoided me like the plague. Instead, you had Seungcheol-hyung come over and take you away like―like he was your guard or something."
Jihoon opens his mouth to speak when the microwave starts beeping. Soonyoung turns away to carefully grab the cup of ramen and stir the noodles.
“It’s not like that, Soonyoung,” Jihoon murmurs, hands holding his own ramen cup as he shuffles to the microwave, now standing next to the dancer.
“Then tell me what it was like,” Soonyoung snaps, stopping his movements to stare at the younger. “Tell me what you were thinking during the duration of the two weeks you’ve been avoiding me or god forbid I don’t have a reason to think you hate me."
“What?” Jihoon’s eyes snap towards his, looking distressed. “You think I hate you?"
“What am I supposed to think?” Soonyoung asks, just as distressed. “You blatantly avoid me for the whole of the tour, you have Seungcheol-hyung as your guard, you don’t make eye contact with me, much less try to talk to me. You could’ve―you could’ve told me you didn’t feel the same way, I would’ve understood. At the very least, you could’ve walked up to me and shake your head and I would’ve understood."
”But I do!” Jihoon exclaims.
“You do what?"
“I do feel the same way, idiot,” the younger bites out, cheeks flushing pink. “I like you."
Everything suddenly falls quiet and Soonyoung stares at Jihoon, not believing what he just heard. Part of him wants to celebrate the fact that he had managed to capture the heart of Jihoon―cold-hearted and intimidating Jihoon. However, there’s a reason Jihoon is described as cold-hearted and intimidating and that reason is enough to make Soonyoung feel doubtful.
The dancer looks around the room for a moment, eyes scanning each object thoroughly. “Where’s the camera, Jihoon? Where did you put it?"
“C-Camera?” Jihoon croaks, looking absolutely lost as the older turns to look at him. “What are you talking about?"
Soonyoung looks away first, pouring the seasoning in his ramen cup. Instead of answering, he says, “Don’t―Don’t joke about things like that, Jihoon. It’s not―It’s not funny."
“Why would I joke about something like that?” Jihoon questions, turning to face the older man. “This isn’t―none of this is a prank, Soonyoung. I genuinely like you, as in I―I like you romantically. It might not have seemed like it for the past two weeks but I couldn’t stop thinking about when you―when you kissed me that night. I thought you were pulling a prank on me and that’s why...I started avoiding you―"
“You...thought my feelings were fake?”’ Soonyoung questions, heartbroken as he takes a hesitant step back. His eyes lower to the ground painfully as his voice cracks. “You really―think that low of me?"
“No, Soonyoung. That’s not what I―“ Jihoon starts, eyes wide before he pauses. He swallows thickly. “I just...didn’t think you’d like someone like me. Before you kissed me, I always had a reason to believe that you liked Seokmin. I mean, you two are always so close and affectionate with each other, it wouldn’t be hard to believe if you had feelings for him. You can imagine my surprise when you kissed me out of the blue and I guess...I just thought it wasn’t...legit."
“Jihoon..."
Jihoon clears his throat. “So I’m sorry if it came out like I thought your feelings were fake. I never intend to hurt you in any way. I’m sorry for avoiding you too, that was―I was an asshole."
Soonyoung purses his lips. “Prove it to me."
“What?"
“Prove it to me,” the dancer repeats. “Prove to me that you like me, that whatever is going on between us isn’t one-sided."
He knows what he’s talking about and Jihoon does too, according to the blush slowly seeping onto his cheeks. He can feel his heart beginning to race in his chest as the producer takes a step closer to him, hesitantly, shyly. Reaching up on his toes, Jihoon cups his nape and angles his head before lightly pressing their lips together.
For a moment, they stay like that, just taking each other in as Soonyoung presses the younger up against the counter gently. The dancer lowers his head and deepens the kiss ever so slightly and Jihoon lets out a noise of surprise that suspiciously sounds like a moan. Just when Soonyoung is about to deepen the kiss more, the door suddenly slams open and a frantic Seungcheol comes in.
“I forgot to grab my walle―Oh, hello."
Soonyoung and Jihoon spring away from each other, faces pink and lips red and swollen.
Seungcheol gives them a knowing look, a smirk clear on his face as he grabs his wallet from the kitchen counter. “Well,” he says casually. “Looks like you guys made up just fine."
”Hyung.” Jihoon flushes, looking just as embarrassed as Soonyoung.
“Right, right, sorry.” Seungcheol backs away, hands up in the air as he makes his way to the door again. “But if you guys decide to go further, please remember to call for room service―"
“Seungcheol."
“Right, okay, yup, leaving right now,” Seungcheol surrenders, leaving for a bit before his head pops back in. “We didn’t pack any lube or condoms so―"
“Seungcheol!"
The leader closes the door with a cackle when Jihoon throws a dish towel at him. The room falls quiet once more, the air becoming awkward as Jihoon walks over to grab the towel, all while grumbling under his breath.
Soonyoung chuckles at how red his face is, then nudges his cup of ramen towards the younger. “Ramen?"
Jihoon stares at him for a moment before a shy smile blooms on his face. “Yeah."