Archive of Our Own

Billy's POV

The bang on the door from Max wakes me with a jolt and I sit up. Suddenly I bent over as sharply as if I'd been punched in the stomach, and drops of blood spattered my lap and knees and the dust at my feet. Max came running in, watching helplessly as the fit felt as if my insides were being torn apart. By slow, torturous degrees, the coughs eased in intensity and then slowly, slowly passed. Wiping my mouth Max hands me a tissue. Cleaning the blood off as best as I could I looked at her, 

"You need to go to the doctor, this cough has lasted weeks now and you're coughing up blood!"

"Max, I'm fine it will pass."I wheeze, "go get ready for school"

She frowns and reluctantly leaves the room. As I stand my legs wobble and I peer art my self in the mirror. My pyjama bottoms hanging off me from the weight loss, my skin fading to white from its tan colour, my skin beginning to look sunken in. Sighing I walk to my wardrobe and pull some clothes on, meeting Max by the car. I feel her staring at me, 

"Max."I hiss, 

"Please go to the doctors.."

I growl and hit the steering wheel, "If I go will you shut up?"

"Yes"

"Fine, I'll go on Friday, that's two days."

She nods and finally looks away from me. Pulling into the car park I see Steve and his group wave to Max as she runs over to them. But I see Max talking and Steve frowns. She better not have said anything to him. Getting out the car I cough again and steady myself as my chest tightens and breathing becomes hard. I feel the gravel under my knees as the panic sets in. A hand comes to rest on my back, 

"Hey, hey, come on, breathe in and out slowly.."A voice says, 

I grip the dirt and wince as I force the breaths in and out slowly, 

"Pass me your hand, you'll hurt your self."

My hand is lifted into another hand and I grip tight. Tears blurring my vision but it's getting easier to breathe now, 

"That's it come on, slowly.."

After a few minutes, my body relaxes and I can breathe again. Leaning back I fall to rest against someone's side, for the moment I don't care and close my eyes, 

"It's okay, take a minute to gather yourself.." I recognise the voice now, and I'm angry at myself for letting this happen, 

Opening my eyes I look at Steve and any anger in me suddenly fades as I see the worry and panic in his eyes. Looking just past him I see Max in Nancy's arms, tears in her eyes. Okay, this is serious now, looking back at Steve, 

"Help me up?"I ask, voice hoarse, 

"Yeah"

I shift onto my knees and his arms lift me up as I lean against his shoulders. My legs unsteady and weak, 

"You okay?"He asks, 

I turn to him and move in close, "We both know the answer to that..but I can't worry Max."

He nods, "You're sticking with us today, then I'm taking you to the doctors after school."

Pushing away and standing on my own I shake my head, "No, I told Max I'm going Friday"

"and I just told you I'm taking you today, stop arguing with me, Max told me you coughed up blood this morning and with what just happened I'm not letting you keep going on like this"

I shove him back, "the little shit. Why do you care anyway, Harrington?!"

"because this could be something serious and I don't give a shit about our history, I want to put it past us, I want to help you."

"Fuck off Ha-"

And then I'm coughing into my hand again, looking down I'm lucky to see only a few specs of blood. Steve stares at me, disapprovingly, 

"You help me until the doctor tells me it's a cold, then you back off."I hiss, 

"Okay, but if it turns out to be something serious I'm not letting you out of my sight."

"sure" I scoff, this is nothing, maybe a chest infection but that's it,

Steve helps me walk to the group, I can see his hand cautiously next to me, it makes me feel sick. I can handle myself for god's sake. The group looks at me, watching me worriedly, 

"Okay quit with the pity. I'm fine, Steve and Max are just paranoid. I am. fine."

They nod and turn away as the bell rings. I wince at the noise but start walking ahead, Steve stumbling to catch up and walk beside me. I roll my eyes. 

By the time lunch comes around I've had two more coughing fits but luckily they were small. Sitting down beside Steve,  as he insisted, in the grass at the back of the field the exhaustion sets in and all I want is to sleep. Taking a few bites of a sandwich I sit and stare off, trying to keep myself awake, 

"Go to sleep until lunch ends, might do you some good," Steve whispers in my ear, 

I look at him with a scowl, "yeah right, I'm just going to curl up on the grass"

He shakes his head and taps his shoulder, 

"oh shove off Harrington"

The group doesn't pay me and Steve much attention thankfully when I did actually fall asleep on his shoulder. It was comfortable and I ended up not caring, I was so fucking tired. The bell rings too quickly and I wake up with a groan, Steve smiles at me and I shrug him off but mumble a quick thank you. I struggle to get up until Steve hooks an arm under me and takes the extra weight. 

By the end of the day, I stopped saying anything when Steve helps me up or hands me tissue after coughing. It was just wasting energy I didn't have. Steve steers me to his car and I look back at mine, 

"Hey-"

"No, we will come back for it later, Jonathan is dropping Max off don't worry"

I huff and sit down in his car. Steve drives the speed limit and it drives me nuts, but the dread sets in as we pull up at the doctors. I swallow and go stiff in my seat. Steve touches my shoulder and I look over at him, 

"Hey, I'm here with you, you'll be okay"

I look down as he takes my hand and gives it a squeeze, 

"it's going to be bad isn't it.."

"We won't know until we get in there Billy.."

Nodding I slowly got out the car and into the waiting room. The 30-minute wait before my name was called was too quick for my liking and Steve's hand on my back was the only thing keeping me from panicking and running out. Sitting down in the chair I explained everything and that's when everything blurred. 

His words splinter inside me causing more pain than the cancer. Terminal. Hospice. Comfort care only. He's telling me that there will be no more cigarettes, no more long drives and I won't see another snow season. My life from here on in is four walls and pain medication until I die. I don't want it, not any of it. Plenty of people put down their pets to save them from a painful end, why can't I have the same? Perhaps if I scream and scream for pain medication I can get an overdose, slide out on a feather-lined cloud into the arms of the almighty. Feeling sick to my stomach I sprint out of the doctors and throw up behind the bins on my hands and knees shaking. Steve's arms come to wrap around me and I fall into them, sobbing. 

"Shh..it will be okay... I got you..you're okay"He whispers, running a hand through my hair, 

"We can't tell Max..not yet, please... no one can know.."I cry, 

"It's okay, they don't have to know yet..just me'n you"

After a couple of minutes, I calm and the crying stops but Steve's still holding me and his hand is still in my hair. But I can't bring myself to care, not anymore, what would be the point? The walk to the car is silent and Steve doesn't drive straight away,  

"I grabbed the medication he prescribed"

My head flicks to look at him, "Steve I can't afford that!!"

His hand comes to rest on mine, it's becoming a regular thing, "It's okay, I've got it"

"No, I can't let you do that!"I hiss, 

Another protest is on my lips until he's cupping my face, staring into my eyes, silencing me, 

"You need this medication and I'm going to pay for it, I don't care about the money, you know I'm not short of it."

"Steve.."I mumble, helplessly, 

"I want to.."He whispers, 

Staring at him he smiles at me sadly, "we're gonna get through this. Together"

He leans forward and presses a kiss to my lips, I start to kiss back then pull away. Looking out the window, 

"I want to go home.."It was a lie, but now it was a case of protecting Steve. 

Pulling up outside my house I gulp, Neil was home. 

"Thank you, Steve..for everything.."

"Don't thank me..I'll pick you up for school tomorrow, since your car is still at the school"

I nod and grab my bag, getting out of the car. I don't hear Steve drive away until my footsteps in the door. Neil looks up from the sofa, 

"where have you been?"He snaps, 

Susan walks in from the kitchen, 

"where's Max?"She asks, 

I turn to her, my eyes slightly watery, "She's at a friends, she's okay"My tone soft, 

Her face falters, "Billy? what's wrong?"

"I-I-I.."I look down swallowing, the words caught in my throat, 

"Spit it out for god's sake!"Neil bellows, 

I flinch and look at him, hoping the words will hurt him but I know they won't, 

"I have lung cancer..it's terminal. The doctors have given me 6 months.."

Susan gasps and Niel stares at me hard, 

"you went to the doctors and now we have a medical bill?"He hisses, 

Anger boils within me, is that all he cares about 

"no. My friend Steve paid for it, he wanted to."

Neil stood up and marched over to me, I backed up against the wall. 

"Who's this Steve, huh?!"

"A friend from school"

He slaps me and I cough, spitting blood on the carpet. Neil scowls at the stain, 

"Grab your shit and get out. I don't want you bleeding over my floors for the next 6 months."

"Neil!"Susan protests, 

"Shut it."He hisses at her, 

She steps back and watches as I slip from Neil and to my room, packing my stuff in two bags. Walking into the living room Neil stares at me as I walk to the door. Susan suddenly runs to me and hugs me, she slips something in my back pocket but I don't move, 

"I'm so sorry Billy.."She whispers, 

Pulling away I smile at her, "I'm sorry too"

Tears fall from her eyes as I walk out the door. Sliding my hand into my pocket I find a couple of notes crumpled up. Chuckling darkly I stuff them back in and head for town. I need to find Max. 

When I get to the arcade I'm both relieved and scared to see Steve's BMW parked up outside. Stumbling inside I spot Max and the group. Steve turns to me and quickly walks to me, 

"Billy?"

I sniff, forcing the tears away, I'm sick of crying. 

"Neil kicked me out.."

"What!?"

"He said he didn't want me bleeding out over his house for the next 6 months and told me to get out..so here I am"I chuckle, 

"oh shit.. put your bags in my car, you can stay at mine"His hand settles on my back to move me but I don't

"No..I don't to be more of an issue then you already are"

He turns and looks me hard in the face, "listen to me, you aren't an issue or a burden or a problem to me. If there's anything I can do to help then that's what I'm going to do."

I nod, "thank you, Steve.."

"Stop thanking me"He chuckles, 

I smile slightly as we walk outside, he opens his boot and takes my bags off me, placing them in the boot. He goes to walk inside when I catch his arm, 

"S-"I cough and he patiently waits for me to catch my breath, "C-Can you get Max..she needs to know now.."

Out of sight, he hooks his finger around mine and nods, "yeah, wait here I'll go get her.."

"will you stay when I tell her"

"Of course"

Steve is back out with Max in seconds and she looks worried, "Hey Billy, what did the doctor say?"

Taking a breath I take her hand, "It's not good, okay? but I don't want you to worry, Steve is looking after me"

She looks at me and I can see her lip wobble, "what is it Billy?"

I hate this, and I close my eyes. Kneeling to look at her properly, 

"Lung cancer.."She inhales sharply, "..and I'm so sorry..it's terminal"

She throws herself into my chest, crying. I hold her tight, looking up at Steve, he nods at me reassuringly, 

"How long..how long have you got?"She whimpers, 

"that doesn't matter now Max.."

Pulling away she holds my shoulders, "Billy..please..."

I squeeze my eyes shut as a tear falls, "6 months.."I whisper, 

"Billy" She wails burying her face into my shoulder, "I love you.."

"I love you too Max, it's going to be okay.."

After a few minutes, I stand up and she hasn't let go of my arm, "Listen, Max, I'm going to be staying with Steve until I figure something out, okay?"

"why?"

I open my mouth and Steve speaks for me, "He doesn't want to be around Neil for the last months of his life, he'd rather be somewhere more relaxed"

I nod at him, thank you

"Okay, I'll come and see you"

"you better"I laugh, 

She smiles too and things feel a little better. 

After Steve drops off Max he shows me to the spare room in his house and I place my bags on the bed. Turning to him, 

"Thank you... I know you told me not to say it but I need to.."

He walks forward and wraps his arms around my waist, I put my hands on his chest as he leans down, 

"Steve.. we can't.."

"What..?"He says pulling away, my heart aches, 

"Don't get this wrong I like you I do but it can't happen.."

"no one is here..we're okay.."

I shake my head pushing him back a bit, "Steve..."

"No."He says and cups my face, connecting our lips together, 

Sighing I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss back. Softly pulling away, 

"Steve..please..we can't"

"why.."

I can't watch the pain in his eyes so I stare at the floor, 

"I'm dying Steve.."

"Don't say that"

"But I am! Stop denying it! We both know it's going to happen!"I hiss, "In 6 months I'll be gone.. and I don't want to cause you that pain."

"Billy look at me," He says lifting my head, "It's going to hurt me either way.."

My mouth falls open, "Steve.."

"Billy I like you okay? and I wish I'd told you sooner. I want to make these last months happy for you.."

I lean my forehead against his, "I like you too Steve.."

"Will you let me kiss you now?"He asks, 

"You're only going to cause yourself pain...I don't understand why you'd do that.."

"Because no matter how little time you have I want to spend it with you, okay?"

"yeah..yeah, okay"

Reaching up I slide my hands into his hair and kiss him, falling back onto the bed. 

I wake up the next morning with Steve's arms around me and he opens his eyes, smiling at me. 

"Morning," He says, voice rough, 

"Good morning pretty boy" I laugh, then realising my mistake, 

Steve instantly lets me go and I stumble to the bathroom coughing over the sink, coating it red. My hands shake as they hold me up. Looking at my reflection I hate it. I look so frail and sickly. My muscles becoming smaller each day. Steve's face appears behind me as he carefully places a hand on my hip, hesitant to move. I push his hand away, not wanting him to feel my boney hips, 

"Don't please.."I whisper, voice raw, 

He reaches over to turn the tap on, washing away the blood. I look away staring at the way my bones are more prominent then they used to be, especially in my hips. 

"Baby..stop staring at yourself like that.."

"But I'm so small now..I'm starting to see the bones"I weep, 

Steve turns me around so I'm looking at him, "you're still beautiful...I love your body no matter what.."

His arms wrap around my back and in one gentle pull our skin touches. I feel his hand in my hair, how he loves the softness, watching it tumble as he releases it. Then his hand moves down my cheekbones to my lips. That's when the kissing starts and we start to move like partners in a dance that is written in our DNA. Our bodies fit together as if we were made just for this, to fall into one another, to feel this natural rhythm. With a laugh he lifts me right off my feet, carrying me toward the bed, letting me fall with a soft bounce on the mattress. We lock eyes for just a moment, just enough for us to feel safe with one another. Then he's all business, undoing my jeans, pulling them off, kissing from my toes upward, slowly, his hands on my legs, always just a little higher than the kisses. I feel my back arch in anticipation, knowing where his fingers will soon reach. My head rocks back against the pillow as he does, the first moan escaping my lips.

The months go on and each day I get weaker and weaker. The medicine helps with the pain but doesn't stop the yellowing of my skin, the rapid weight loss and being so breathless Steve has to help me just getting down the stairs. Max visits at least twice a week, the rest of the kids don't know much only that I'm sick but Jonathan and Nancy know about the cancer. Each day I feel more of a burden to Steve waiting for the moment where he leaves me, but he never does. I don't think I'll ever understand it. 

The 6-month mark hits and I'm surprised that I'm still going strong. Steve has stopped sleeping in his own room and staying with me. He told his parents 3 weeks ago of our relationship and they didn't really care but I think they took more pity on me than anything. I shrugged it off enjoying being able to wake up next to Steve smiling at me. I hated the hope I got when things got a little easier and I was moving more. 

"Morning baby" Steve mumbles, pressing a kiss to my boney shoulder, through the fabric of my shirt, 

"Morning" I croak, 

Looking out the window the sun is shining and I sit up. The autumn leaves starting to fall, maybe, just maybe, I'll get to see snow. Turning to Steve I take his hand, 

"I want to go outside"

He frowns, "are you sure babe?"

"yes"

And so he helped me up and get dressed, insisting I wear a jumper, jacket, gloves and a hat. 

"It's cold outside."He insists, 

and I just roll my eyes at him. Stepping out the front I smiled at the cold breeze that nipped at my face, holding out my hand Steve took it and linked our fingers. 

"I never thought I'd make it this far, "I say, 

"I did, and you'll keep making it"He smiles, 

I look at him and force a smile. I couldn't tell him how much I wanted this to be over, the pain and effort every day, I wanted it to end. But for him, I kept going because if I tried hard enough I might start to believe that I'll get through this,

"Can we go out and see everyone?"

"Billy I'm not sure you should.."

"please, I'm sick of being stuck inside."

"Okay, but only for a little while. I'll call them and we can meet at the arcade"

I smile and press a kiss to his lips. I laugh at myself, 

"Months ago I wouldn't be caught dead acting so sweet and sickly" I chuckle, 

Steve laughs too and we go inside. 

"Steve..I want to tell them..about us"

"A-Are you sure?"

I nod, "I don't want to keep hiding it from them, your parents know anyway"

"okay" He nods. 

Sitting in the car I started to get jittery, I was nervous, scared but excited to see everyone. I can't remember how long it been. But when I get out the car and me and Steve are ambushed with hugs from everyone the fear is gone, 

"Hey, how you feeling?"Max asks me, 

"Better, "I say, kissing her forehead, 

She smiles and we go inside. It was actually pretty fun watching the kids play the games and talking to Nancy, 

"You doing okay?"She asks, 

"Managing it yeah"I nod, 

She smiles at me and leans in to hug me quickly. Looking over at Steve I nod and he comes over, my hands shake, 

"Nance..Jonathan, me and Billy need to tell you something"

"What's up?"Jonathan asks, worry etched into his face, 

"It's nothing bad.."I say, 

I link my hand with Steve's, "Me and Steve are..um..dating"

Nancy sighs with relief and hugs us both, "idiots, you scared me, but I'm happy for you" She smiles, 

"Jesus guys you can't do that"Jonathan laughs, "I'm glad you've got each other though, you deserve it"

"thank you..can you help us tell the kids?"

"oh you won't get them to stand still, just do something couply near them, its the best way"Nancy smiles, 

I laugh and nod. I and Steve waited a bit but once we were close enough to them I wrapped an arm around his neck and pressed a kiss to his lips and I felt Steves' hands rub circles into my hips, 

"Holy shit!!"Mike yelps, 

Pulling away we look at their shocked faces, 

"are you guys dating?"Will asks, 

"Yeah" Steve chuckles, 

"Billy!!"Max shouts, "Why didn't you tell me!"

"You didn't know?"Lucas asks laughing, 

"No!"She huffs, 

"Sorry Max" I chuckle and cough slightly, Steve rubbing my arm, 

"Who else knows?"Mike asks, 

"Well..my parents."Steve shrugs, 

"Shit."Dustin says, "and how did they take it?"

"They didn't really care, they're not even in Hawkins half the time"Steve shrugs, 

"Wow.."

We laugh and carry on with the day. Steve spots a photo booth, "Babe" He grins, 

"Absolutely not. No."

"Come onnn"

"I may have gone soft but not that soft" I scowl, 

He leans in and whispers in my ear, "I'll let you fuck me tonight"

I blush and pull him over to the photo booth. The first photo Steve has an arm around my neck and we're laughing. The second one Steve sticks his tongue out at me and I scowl. The third my hand is in his hair, looking at him. and the last we're kissing. After another kiss, we stumble out giggling and I pick up the photos smiling at them,

"That is the most cheesy and sappy thing I've ever done"

"worth it"Steve winks, I smack his arm and laugh, 

I freeze and feel the cough, leaning over I clutch Steve's shoulder as the fit overcomes me. As I coughed it burned my throat and chest, 

"Hey, hey..I've got you-you're okay.."He holds my arms but I push him off, 

I stumbled to the door and out of the building, and with each step, my stomach tightened and ached all the more. I kept swallowing, and my throat kept clenching, but no matter what I could not stop the warm feeling rising through my chest. Then I could taste it at the back of my mouth. I buckled over as I threw up on the concrete, a mixture of blood and sick. The arcade door swung open, 

"Babe?!"

"Over here.."I call weakly, 

My chest burns and I'm sick once more, mostly blood. I cough and my legs collapse as Steve catches me. I see the rest of the group run out the door spotting me and Steve. I choke and splutter, I shivered and inhaled a trembling breath, sweat accumulating on my skin: icy cold. I look up at Steve, tears flooding my eyes, 

"No, no no!!" he says, flicking his head up, "Call an ambulance!!!"He screams, 

I don't look anywhere else but him. Fumble for his hand and he takes it, squeezing gently, 

"I'm scared Steve.."

"You're okay, I've got you..help is coming"

My eyes feel heavy and I wanted to close them but Steve shook me slightly, 

"Baby..baby please..stay awake..look at me..please"His eyes were glassy with tears, 

Forcing my eyes open I squeezed his hand and wheezed and coughed. I could hear the sirens but I didn't want it, I wanted to finally sleep. 

"Steve..I d-don't..don't want help..I'm tired.."I croak, 

"No, don't say that!! Please..I-I can't lose you.."

I chuckle a little, "I told you it would hurt.."I sob, 

"No..please baby.."

The lights flash as the ambulance pulls up, two people rushing out. They lift me onto the bed and Steve climbs into the vehicle with me. Reaching out I hold his hand as the edges of my vision go black, 

"Billy!!"Steve's voice screams as I slip into the darkness. 

My eyes blink open and I can hear beeping. Looking around I'm in a hospital. Twitching my hand something's holding it down, looking it's Steve's. His head laying on the bed, asleep. I lift my hand and run it through his hair, he wakes and suddenly sits up, looking at me, 

"Billy?"

"H-Hey baby" I croak, 

He leans up and hugs me gently and I nuzzle into his neck, 

"What happened?"I ask once he sits back down, he takes my hand and holds it tight, 

"You had a collapsed lung and pnuemonia..I almost lost you"

I stare at him sadly, lifting his hand to kiss it, 

"It scared me, I wasn't ready to let you go.."His voice croaks, 

"I don't think you ever will be Steve.."

He nods, looking down, "I know..You've been out for 6 weeks..it's been 7 and a half months"He smiles slightly, 

I smile too but only for his sake. I feel weaker, more tired, I know I don't have much longer left, 

"where is Nancy, Jonathan and the kids?"

"Nancy and Max are in the waiting room and everyone else is at Jonathan's.."

I nod and a tear falls from my eye, "hey..you'll be okay.."Steve whispers, 

"No it won't Steve..you know that.."

"Don't think like that"

Looking down at him he makes me smile, even after all this he's still here. 

"You're still here.."I squeak, 

"Of course I am baby"

I love you

It's what I wanted to say but I didn't. It would only cause Steve more pain. Breathing was still tough and I was tired so I laid back against the pillows, 

"Do you want a drink?"Steve asks and I shake my head, 

"Can I see Max?"

"Sure I'll go get her"

He stands but I tug his hand, "when she's here it doesn't mean you need to leave"

"I know but I want you two to have some time" he smiles, 

I nod and let go of his hand. A few minutes later and Max comes running to the side of the bed, I take her hand, 

"Hey Max"

"Billy" She smiles but her eyes are red and I know she's been crying, "how are you feeling?"

"I'm okay Max" I nod, 

She sits down and we talk for a while and it was nice. But then I got too tired and she left and Steve was back at my side, holding my hand and that's how I fell asleep. 

A couple of weeks went by and everyone came to visit a couple of time but I kept feeling weaker each day and more tired. Steve never left my side and always held my hand and sat with me when a coughing fit hit me. 

At the 8 month mark, I woke up as usual but I was confused, I was so tired and couldn't lift my hands up, 

"S-Steve.."I whispered, 

He woke up and looked at me, "you okay?"

I just smiled, "do you need anything? Water? food?"

Gripping his fingers he sat up, "Just..just sit with me..stay with me.."

He frowned but nodded, "have you got t-those pictures?"I wheeze, 

"The photo booth ones?"

I nodded and he reached into his wallet and pulled a set out. Lifting my hand to my chest he placed the card in my fingers and I looked at the photos. We were laughing and smiling, and it was genuine. I looked at the last one, we were kissing. I fought the frown that wanted to surface, I haven't been able to kiss Steve in so long. Nudging the photos to him he takes them. 

"Come here.."

He stands and I use my fingers to pull him and hovers over me. Forcing my hand up I thread my fingers through his hair then sliding my hand down to his cheek, running my thumb along his lips. He kisses them and I smile, a tear leaves my eye. Something in Steve's eyes flickers and his whole body changes, 

"Kiss me..please"I whisper, 

he smiles, leaning down and pressing his lips to mine. He licks my lips and I open. It's a deep kiss but slow and passionate. He pulls away and I'm panting but none the less smiling. After an hour he gets up, 

"I'll be back in a second"I nod, laying back down on the pillow, accidentally falling asleep, 

A hand touches my arm and I jump, taking me a second to realise whos there. Max is sat next to me but then I look up,

"Susan?"

"I wanted to come and see you.."She smiled, 

"It's good to see you" I nod, 

She comes closer and touches my arm, 

"May I?"

"yeah.."She leans down hugging me then presses a kiss to my forehead,  

Steve is stood by the door and I lift up my other arm and he shuffles around to sit on the other side and take my hand, 

"I'm glad you have him, I'm glad you're happy"

"thank you, "I say to her, I felt guilty for all the times I was horrible to her and Max but I knew they had forgiven me even if I didn't deserve it, 

Susan and Max stayed until the nurses said they had to leave but again Steve stayed by my side. 

"How long has it been?"I ask, 

"8 months and a week"

I nod and smile,  "listen Steve"I cough, "When I go"He starts to talk but I put a hand up, "when I go..I know it will hurt and I know you will be upset for a while, but I want you to move on..get a job, find someone and be happy, okay?"I say my voice hoarse, my breathing becoming laboured, 

"Okay, I'll try"He smiles sadly, 

I cup his cheek with one hand and with the other I pull the chain from around my neck over my head and place it in his hand, "I want you to have this.."

Steve lets go of my hand to slip it over his head, it settles against his chest. 

I love you

I could have said it then, but I didn't instead I said; 

"I'm sorry..for everything I did"

"There's nothing you need to be sorry for, it's in the past baby"A tear slips out of his eye and I wipe it away, 

I cough and my chest tightens but this time instead of panic I felt calm. Laying against the pillows I turned to face him, throat wheezing with every breath, 

"I love you, Billy."

I squeeze my eyes shut as a couple of tears fall, opening them again Steve is crying slightly, 

"I love you too pretty boy" I smile, 

The clock ticked; my time left was limited. Oxygen was slowly being ripped and snatched from my lungs. I breathed in heavily and my eyes became heavy. My heart slowing in my chest, but I wasn't scared, not this time. I watched as the tears fell faster from Steve's eyes as he squeezed my hand tighter as if he could pull me back. I smiled at him once more as my eyes slipped closed. 

Steve's POV

His eyes closed as his hand went limp in mine. The beeping on the equipment becoming one noise as his heart stopped. I knew this morning he wasn't going to survive the day but it hurt none the less. I rested my head against his chest as I sobbed. It wasn't fair, why him? The door opened and a nurse tapped me, 

"I'm afraid you have to go now.."She says sadly, 

"Yeah..I know"I sniff, wiping my face, 

Standing shakily I become numb as I got in my car and drove to the Byer's house where everyone was. As I pulled up in the car it took all my effort to get out and open their front door. Max's head turned to me, 

"Oh no.."Joyce's voice whispered as Max ran to me, 

"Please no.."She cried, 

"He's gone..I'm sorry.."

She collapsed into my arms sobbing. 

"No!! No, no no!!"She screamed, hitting my chest, each one growing weaker,

"I'm so sorry..I'm so sorry" I repeated as I knelt to the floor with her in my arms, tears falling from my eyes the ache in my chest unbearable. Looking up I spotted Nancy leaning on Jonathan, hand over her mouth crying silently. 

Two weeks later and I'm stood watching as Billy's casket is lowered into the ground. Max gripped my hand tightly as I watched it go. Susan came but Neil didn't and I was glad otherwise I would have punched him. How cold-hearted was he not to care that his son was dead? Max let go of my hand to hug her mum. An arm wrapped around my shoulder and I tilted my head to see Joyce handing me a tissue to wipe the tears I never knew where there, 

"I'm so sorry.."

"Thank you.. he's better now, no longer in pain"

"yeah," She smiles, "My door is always open if you ever need anything"

I turn and hug her tightly. It would take a while but I knew I was going to be okay eventually. I had to move on, it's what he wanted. I walked away from the funeral with a heavy heart but returned twice a year, every year. Once for his birthday and once for the anniversary of his death. Each year it hurts a little less.